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Ash17
Nov 1, 2009, 04:24 AM
Ok. Im so sick of hearing it.
I can't get a guy to take me out after the first date cause they want to be just friends.
It really hurts and it happens with every guy. I mean, I don't understand it :(
My friends keep telling me Im "stunning" and fun blah blah blah...
If so, why am I always "the friend"??
Its not fair. Im 18. And all my so called "dates" are disasters. Im not a slut or anything. I don't understand... please help~?? :mad:

redhed35
Nov 1, 2009, 04:44 AM
Change the type of guy your accepting dates from..

Dating is about getting to know the person BEFORE the relationship starts,dating lots of men will help stop premature feelings developing and you won't get attacted so easily.

The next time you go out on a date,don't try so hard to impress him,its only a date!

Change your attitude to dating.. be confident in who you are... end the date early and leave him wanting to know more about you...

Don't tell your life story.

Don't complain about other men or dates.

Be easy going and listen to them... really be interested in what their saying,everyone likes to tell their story... let them talk... you'll learn more about him and IF you want to see him again.

Ask questions.

And enjoy the date... there meant to be fun!

Ash17
Nov 1, 2009, 04:52 AM
Yeah I guess... I live in Ireland too :D lol... You answered my question in August about my break up... I have a pattern where I can't keep a guy interested... I do everything Im meant to do... I like to think Im fun and nice , even guys have said this.. yet, they never want to keep up seeing me..? I don't understand.. I mean, I try. I see girls who have boyfriends and they don't even deserve the guys... I don't get it?

redhed35
Nov 1, 2009, 04:59 AM
Think about your attitude...

Are you needy are you desperate?

There not nice things to consider,but be honest with yourself... if you are perhaps that's the problem... men and women sense that needyness and its off putting.

I'm going to suggest you put the breaks on dating,at least for a while...

Go on a dating sabatical... no more men or dates for 3 months... during this time,take a good look at yourself and the type of person you are,its hard work,but be brutually honest with yourself and ask trusted friends.

Ask the person who you know won't just tell you what you want to hear... get their imput.

If you decide against the break in dating,look at the guys your attracted too... are they a certain type?

Do you want boyfriend material?

There is no rule that says you have to have a boyfriend!

Ash17
Nov 1, 2009, 05:04 AM
I admit, when a guy decides to be "just friends" ,I tend to get needy and always asking why... I hate admitting it but I can't help it... I always want clarity...
Im still hurt by my break up in August. Sometimes I can't sleep and end up thinking about it all night... I feel stupid. I mean, Im always the one who's hurt ! My mom can't understand it and asked me "What are the conversations like?" And Im like... "Normal?" So... maybe Ive a sign on my forehead... It upsets me soooo much...

redhed35
Nov 1, 2009, 05:13 AM
I'm going to suggest that perhaps you do have a sign on your forehead!

Your still hurting from a past relationship and not ready to get back up on the dating horse,so too speak.

Give yourself a break...

You need to recover from your last relationship before embarking on the next romance.

If you read the stickies in the relationship thread,you will get great insight and there similar stories and problems.

You need to help you now.

Ash17
Nov 1, 2009, 05:18 AM
I had so many rejections from the age of 15 till now ! So many rejections . Its just unrealistic at this stage... I must be doing something wrong :( I mean, Ive never cheated on anyone or hurt anyone etc... Ive never had a "next romance".. Im never given a chance. One date. That's it. I put on my best face and present myself the best I can. Its not good enough :(

redhed35
Nov 1, 2009, 05:26 AM
Does it feel like you not good enough?

Good enough for a first date but that's it?

Time to take stock.

Perhaps now that you have made this insight you have help yourself to become more confident and realise your own self worth..

You are good enough.

You deserve more then what's on offer and from now on you will not take the first offer.

Time to start working on yourself esteem and take a big break from dating, that cycle won't stop and will most likely send you into a relationship your not happy with,you'll settle.

Women and men have been in your situation at 30,40 and 50 years of age... is that what you want?

Take the time now,to work on you.

You deserve it,and you need it.

If you want the best man,be the best women.. your a good bit away from that now but you can do it... just make the decision.

Ash17
Nov 1, 2009, 05:30 AM
So what am I meant to do? How can I improve all of this? I mean, if Im having a bad time now with guys, god help me when Im older.:( What am I meant to work on exactly?

redhed35
Nov 1, 2009, 05:41 AM
OK.

First thing is too not accept dates for a while.

The second is to get healthy,a good diet and exercise.. you might wonder how does that help,but a good diet and exercise will help you sleep and give you a feeling of well being.. exercise releases those feel good hormones.

Set yourself a realistic goal,something you can achieve... and go for it.

Is there something you always wanted to do,or somewhere you always wanted to visit?

Change your goals... away from getting a boyfriend.

Write down all your positives.. everything.

Nice hair,good person,kind,good friend etc, and stick it up somewhere you can read it.

Start a journal... and be faithfull to it, write whatever you want.. old friendships,old boyfriends, after a while seeing your thoughts written down will help you see why do think the way you do.

Talk to your mother or father or siblings.. it might sound corny,but let them know what your doing and way... be honest with the people that love you,tell them your not happy and this is what your planning on doing...

That's a good bit to start,and you can start today...

Others will post other suggestions that worked for them.