My son is 42. I have always had a wonderful relationship with him, About 3 years ago he moved back to my state to start a business. I helped him I even worked for him and put my house up for his business.. He got rich and now he hates me. I never saw it coming. His phone is blocked and he will not call me mom or even speak to me. He has turned my 2 grand girls against me, They are 23 and 17. We also were very close.
People tell me that he will come back to me but he hasn't.. it has been 3 years, I am thinking of seeing a doc over this, I can't take any more and I do not understand his hate towards me.

Just like that?
Sounds very weird if u tell me!

Did he get married in the interim? Did he repay the money he lent you? Is your home still being used as security for the business?

Seeing a therapist should help you deal with the betrayal. But it will do nothing to repair the rift. Does your son go to church regularly? Is there some friend, clergyman, business partner, etc. who can act as an intermediary to at least find out WHY he turned against you?

Something like that doesn't just come out of the blue. Bottomline, you need to get help to deal with the lockout. But you also need help to find out what caused the rift so you can try to work on repairing it.

Need more information.

What was it that yous fought about?

Need more information.

What was it that yous fought about?

If you read the OP, there was no mention of a fight and a definite lack of understanding about why the rift. So why would you ask what they fought about?

Scott your answers helped me very much... this is the second year of this and when I woke up today I knew I couldn't take any more... I am seeing a doc this coming Wednesday. I know I can never have my son back but I need to learn to more on and be happy.
Some one asked what we fought about and someone said it sounded weird to them.. I do not care how it sounded... as we all know there is not enough room to write every side of every thing... I just know that I was a very good mother and money changed him.. I just don't want to hurt any more and to be happy.
Thank you again scott

You may be offended by what some of these people are saying, but surely you can understand why. You say that you had a wonderful relationship with your son for many years. You helped him and then you said he got rich and changed on you.
There has to be a reason, some kind of "tiff" between the both of you, maybe? Something had to happen for him to make these Drastic (and these are extremely drastic) changes between the both of you. You don't have a wonderful loving relationship for 42 years and then just up and change it completely one day for no reason at all.

No it does not add up and no there was no "tiff". Maybe I am dumb but I never saw it coming. I knew something was wrong but he never wanted to talk about it and he was always to busy to see me. When I pushed him I was told to.. well... to go away.
He bought a car ( tony sopano car) and he told me to make an appt.to see him. He was always referring to himself as Tony. There was no big fight.. when he got enough money to hire a clerk I stayed home. He paid me back , but our deal was I owned 2 precent of the business.. it was not in writing. I don't care about the money. I don't have any but that is OK. My son is rich now so rich that I have no idea how much he has, but he has big house.. servants.. etc.
There was no fight.. there was no tiff.. I was blindsided.. I lost my mother right before the final thing... I was crying and he asked me if I wanted him to take care of it.. I told him yes.. thinking that he would just talk to funeral home... she died July 4th at 12:05 am.. July 4th at 4 pm she was put into the ground with nothing ever done and no one told.. I was left with all the phone calls. He also paid for it.. I never meant for him to do that. I wanted a church service as my mom had lots of friends and a lovely church that she loved, but I said nothing. I have never said anything mean to him and I have asked him why and the only answer is that I am crazy and that I am a piece of Sh** he slammed out of my house after taking the door knob off the front door.. he didn't have a key and I didn't have an extra one so he wanted the door rekeyed. I have been very sick and I took a lot of drugs ( as precribed) he wanted me to give him some.. not the first time... but I didn't have any extra.
That could not have mad him mad because he buys pain pills all the time.. it isn't like he had to have mine. When I told him no he just went kinnda crazy and left.. that was the last of it.
And no drugs are not making him act this way... he has taken pain pills for years and years.

He hates me and I have no idea why. I took care of him and his wife and kids when they were starting. I had a good job and they needed help. I have always been there for him.
I do not know what else to say. I never did anything to him and there is no good reason for him to act this way.
I am not offended but I am so hurt that I can't take it any more.. I am seeing a doc this coming Wednesday. I belong to a good church but it isn't enough. My family consists of 2 sons. My youngest son is disabled and my oldest son hates me my oldest son is an atheist an we have no friends in common any more . He has all new friends
I have never written on a board before, but before I called the doc I was really really lost.
I am raising my youngest sons little girl.. she is 8 and I love her but I know I need help.. this hurting is too much.


You may be offended by what some of these people are saying, but surely you can understand why. You say that you had a wonderful relationship with your son for many years. You helped him and then you said he got rich and changed on you.
There has to be a reason, some kind of "tiff" between the both of you, maybe? Something had to happen for him to make these Drastic (and these are extremely drastic) changes between the both of you. You don't have a wonderful loving relationship for 42 years and then just up and change it completely one day for no reason at all.

No I don't understand... if I knew what happened I would try to fix it. As far as I am concerned I never saw it coming.. not even in hindsight.
It seems one day things were a little strained and then he was gone, home phone blocked no answer on his cell . I refuse to call work. My one granddaughter called me a year ago and told me to leave her dad alone I upset him.. I helped raise this child. The youngest is ADH and she does not talk to anyone . I will never ask her. Kids shouldn't be used this way. AND she knows I love her and my phone is not blocked. Both kids have been told over and over that I love then.. before the phone was blocked but I never said a word about there father and myself. I am not like that.
The wife I always got along well with but she is very unstable with mental illness. Perhaps she had something to do with this, but I do not know.

Just like that??
Sounds very weird if u tell me!

Comments on this post
isabelle disagrees: very judgemental

You're telling me I'm judgemental... while if you read closely I'm saying "very weird if u tell me" are you sons actions! :confused:

But hey that's enough from me!

It is difficult to believe that a son can change just like that. I suggest that you take the high road and let them be for a while. If they have any love left for you, they will make a move. If not, after waiting for a while (months, a year or two if you have to), try to have an honest talk. When I say "talk," I really mean that you "listen." Try not to respond back. Just listen, then execuse yourself and digest what was said. This may give you an insight as to why he changed.

I think there is more to this story than being let on.

The OP is very vauge and the other post by isabelle is very hard to follow.

I think there is more to this story than being let on.

The OP is very vauge and the other post by isabelle is very hard to follow.

I think you are being unfair to isabelle. She has been very clear that she doesn't understand why the turnaround. She claims that nothing happened that could have caused it.

There may, indded, be more to this. But I think isabelle will need the help of a third party to determine what that is. Either a therapists who may be able to bring out something she has suppressed or didn't understand or a mediator to get the story from the son's perspective.

There may, indded, be more to this. But I think isabelle will need the help of a third party to determine what that is. Either a therapists who may be able to bring out something she has supressed or didn't understand or a mediator to get the story from the son's perspective.


I agree... she probably needs to go to a therapist to work through this situation.

I have been very sick and i took a lot of drugs ( as precribed) he wanted me to give him some.. not the first time... but i didnt have any extra.
That could not have mad him mad because he buys pain pills all the time .. it isnt like he had to have mine. when i told him no he just went kinnda crazy and left .. that was the last of it.
And no drugs are not making him act this way... he has taken pain pills for years and years.


Isabelle, I feel for your situation. I understand how hard it is to lose a child. It can be even harder losing one like you did then it is losing one to death. I am not saying it is, mind you, I am just saying that sometimes it can be.

If you read the excerpt from one of your posts above, I see a red flag. You say that he has taken pain pills for years and years. I am wondering, I do not know just wondering, if he was unable to get the pills because the doctor refused to prescribe anymore, or for some other reason. Then he came to you and you would not support his habit and he got angry.

Understand that drug abuse comes in many forms, not just illegal drugs like cocaine or marijuana. He may very well be addicted to these drugs. When you refused to support his habit he "turned" on you, which is common with drug addicts.

I am not saying that this is the problem. I just learned these behaviors during my phsychiatry rotation, of which I will be doing more in the spring.

I am happy to hear you are getting some help and that you have a strong support system with your church. That is very important.

Good luck, Isabelle, I wish you well.

Isabelle,

I think Janine has really found a probable answer here. It certainly sounds like your son is abusing pain meds. Which could cause mood swings, personality changes and other things. You definitely should mention this to your therapists right up front. This may not be due to anything you have done, but to a medial problem with your son.

And that brings us to another point. Why is he taking pain meds? Do you know who is doctor is? If you do, I would have a confidential discussion with him. Don't expect the doctor to pass any info to you, but he does need to know about the personality change. It could be a medically treated condition that will restore relations.

Thank you Scott. I really was surprised that you missed that! But it was kind of hidden in the middle.

Isabelle, as well as having a discussion with his doc, you may want to contact the local pharmacy he visits, or several in your area. Sometimes people with drug seeking behavior like this stagger their visits to pharmacies so that their addiction does not scream out loud to the pharmacist.

Again, only my opinion from what I read, but it seems as though he was out of meds and you would not enable him, so he took it out on you. This is obvious drug seeking behavior and it is unlikely that he will receive the help he needs unless his doctor or pharmacist are notified.

Scott is right, the doctor will not pass any info to you, this is doctor/patient privilege, however, the doctor will be made aware of your concerns of possible pain med addiction and personality change and will hopefully take appropriate steps in prescribing pain meds in the future.

Just like that??
Sounds very weird if u tell me!


I disagreed with what you said. The post asked me and I was honest.

I think you are being unfair to isabelle. She has been very clear that she doesn't understand why the turnaround. She claims that nothing happened that could have caused it.

There may, indded, be more to this. But I think isabelle will need the help of a third party to determine what that is. Either a therapists who may be able to bring out something she has supressed or didn't understand or a mediator to get the story from the son's perspective.


Thak you scott.. there are always 2 sides but I can only tell mine. I am going to a doc today to try to get some help with this.

I disagreed with what you said. The post asked me and I was honest.

Comments on this post
Krs agrees: I disagree.. where in that sentence was I questioning your honesty?


I never said you questioned my honesty. I said I answered the rating question honestly.
Please don't read what I do not say.

Good for you Isabelle... glad to hear you are getting some help for yourself. Now, don't forget to mention this to the doc. He may have some advice we are not thinking of.

Good luck to you girl.

:confused:
You lost me Isabelle, I also answered honestly, maybe I am reading what you're not saying but admit it, you are too.

Im unsubscribing from your post because I don't want to argue and I'm sure you don't either but it pointless me staying as we don't understand each other...

Good Luck...

Isabelle,

I think Janine has really found a probable answer here. It certainly sounds like your son is abusing pain meds. Which could cause mood swings, personality changes and other things. You definitely should mention this to your therapists right up front. This may not be due to anything you have done, but to a medial problem with your son.

And that brings us to another point. Why is he taking pain meds? Do you know who is doctor is? If you do, I would have a confidential discussion with him. Don't expect the doctor to pass any info to you, but he does need to know about the personality change. It could be a medically treated condition that will restore relations.

I don't know why he takes pain meds but he is rich enough to buy all he wants. He has done this for years. Maybe he was mad becaue I didn't enable him but there has to be more than that. This is going on 2 years now, since he has talked to me. His drug problem has been maybe 10 years. I don't know his doc or his pharmacy.
Wish me luck with my doc appt today.

I am so tired of being in pain.

I also want to thank all for their answers.

:confused:
You lost me Isabelle, i also answered honestly, maybe i am reading what you're not saying but admit it, you are too.

Im unsubscribing from your post coz i dont want to argue and im sure you dont either but it pointless me stayin as we dont understand eachother...

Good Luck...

Thanks for the Good luck... Good luck to you too. I want you to know that I never took anything you said to heart. I just didn't feel you understood, but that is OK.. thanks for the time you gave me.

Im glad you didn't take to heart as I did not mean it like that :) hey, me neither.

Im glad you didnt take to heart as i did not mean it like that :) hey, me neither.
I know and I am sorry.. I have been a little crazy.. a broken heart can do that. Forgive me? I am just crazy to find answers before this destroys me. And I am not sure there will be any answers.. my son will never meet with me and my doctor. But I love the son I used to know and I miss him.

Of course you love you son, you are his mother after all.
But as others advised still go visit your doctor, it will surely help you. I can't really comprehend what you are going through as I've never encountered such a situation.
You sound like a very caring mother, and your sons actions are very immature, he doesn't know what he is losing.

SINGLE4 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/single4.html) disagrees: I know there was no mention of a "tift" and that is why I needed more information as to why all of the sudden he turned on her. It is a short OP and it was just a simple question.

First may I refer you to my suggested guidelines on using the Comments feature here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

You will note that even though I didn't agree with your response, I didn't give you a negative comment because it was not an issue of fact.

Second, in your response to the OP you wrote: "What was it that yous fought about?". Not; did you have a fight or do you know what caused the rift. Those would have been valid questions as they were asked by others without comment. But you made the assumption that a fight had happened, even though the OP did not mention a fight at any point and specifically had said she didn't know why the rift has occurred.

That's why I made the comments about your response that I did. Showing some more compassion and not making assumptions would have been a more helpful way of responding.

SINGLE4 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/single4.html) disagrees: I know there was no mention of a "tift" and that is why I needed more information as to why all of the sudden he turned on her. It is a short OP and it was just a simple question.

First may I refer you to my suggested guidelines on using the Comments feature here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

You will note that even though I didn't agree with your response, I didn't give you a negative comment because it was not an issue of fact.

Second, in your response to the OP you wrote: "What was it that yous fought about?". Not; did you have a fight or do you know what caused the rift. Those would have been valid questions as they were asked by others without comment. But you made the assumption that a fight had happened, even though the OP did not mention a fight at any point and specifically had said she didn't know why the rift has occured.

That's why I made the comments about your response that I did. Showing some more compassion and not making assumptions would have been a more helpful way of responding.

Is this better?

Normally when there is a falling out it is about something? It was a short OP and Krs and I both felt we didn't know why the "poster" gave us "negative" marks! A response she could have given was... "there was no fight and I don't know why he stopped talking to me".

As far as the guidelines for commenting... I apologize. I do see where you are coming from and I will follow them.

I am sorry if I overreacted to anyone's post. Last week when I first posted I felt as if I could not go on. I will admit I was very sensitive at that time.

I went to the doctor last week. He told me that I was in "the hands of satan" and that was why I was being hurt like this. I go to church to learn about satan and God so I don't think I have to pay this man to tell me about them.

I saw all his degrees on the wall while I was waiting for my turn, so I know he is a doctor, just not the right doctor for me.

I want to thank all of you for taking the time to respond to my posts. Although I don't think the doctor helped me at all, this posts have made me feel much better. I talked and I was listened to. That has not happened to me in quite a while.

I also have to admit I did not read any rules before I posted. As I said before... I found this board and I just started talking.. spilling my guts... I was at the end of my rope. I don't have anyone to confine in and when I saw this board I just talked and cryed and talked and cryed.

I don't know what degrees this quack has, but you were right to get far from him. While faith in god may be a viable treatment in some cases. Holding up evil and satan, is not the way a real doctor would treat this situation. I urge you not to give up in finding a real therapist who can help you deal with this issue.

That is one of the purposes of a site like this. We can be a shoulder to cry on or someone to give a kick in the pants ;), if that's what's needed.

I am wondering WHERE this freak of a "doctor" got his degrees? Yes, you did good to get rid of him. But there are many out there who are not like this and who truly can help, so don't give up the pursuit.

Until that time you know we are here to listen.

Thanks J_9 and Scott... I have not given up on my hunt for a good therapist. This other one may be a very good person, but not the right one for me.
I also wanted to tell everyone that while I am still hurt, I do not think I am any longer in crisis. This , I believe ,is because I was allowed to pour my pain onto this board.
Maybe I shouldn't have done that but it sure helped a lot.

Thanks again for all who listened and helped me.

Okay I have read every single post. There are people who knew that there was a rift, a fight. They just did not know what happened. Even you said you did not know what happened. Then later you described a fight over medications and his reaction. If he has been taking medications for years and years. Yes it is a form of drug addiction and medication or the lack of it can cause temper and very angry responses when they are not on it. I know this from personal experiances with family members who have been on these types of mediciines for years and you know what it destroys the mind and body and they keep getting it increased and increased and are completely depended on it. I take pain medication occasionally but I see how these other people are and there is no way I would like to be that way or be so dependent on a drug that makes you so angry and tempered. It could actually get worse and worse. Like J9 said that by you not giving him any would set him off is BIG RED FLAG THAT I SAW TOO WHEN I READ YOUR POST. You said this would not be the reason but of course it is the biggest reason. You also need to understand that at 42 with children that he has his own life to live and you need to let him live it in his own way. He needs to learn his own mistakes in life in order to learn and grow. It sounds to me that the relationship was way too close, way too controlled for comfort. This is just my opinion. No matter what, I know you love your son and even with everything if one day he desides to return and be open with you, you need to do your best to show him love and understanding. I wish you the best and your whole family the best. Please understand that it was the right decision you not giving him any of your pills and that you should not have giving him any pills in the first place. I do understand though that sometimes families share these things. I honestly even though my family members are in a lot of pain and take several medications, I honestly feel that one day each of them could possibly die at anytime. From the medications. It is a nasty habit, and to rely on so much of the all the time could eventually shut down your body. Your son is probably afraid of losing you and seeing you in so much pain. He does not want to be around you, because it hurts him and when people are afraid of losing somebody, sometimes they lash out in anger and sometimes they stay away because of what they are afraid of. So several possibilities or maybe all I mentioned is true. Hope this helps you might understanding your son better.

Joe

I also wanted to tell everyone that while I am still hurt, I do not think I am any longer in crisis. This , I believe ,is because I was allowed to pour my pain onto this board.
Maybe I shouldn't have done that but it sure helped a lot.

Thanks again for all who listened and helped me.

Yes you should have. That is one of the services boards like this provide. EXpressing your feelings and getting people to provide their take on the issues can be very helpful.

I wish you all the best.

Okay I have read every single post. There are people who knew that there was a rift, a fight. They just did not know what happened. Even you said you did not know what happened. Then later you described a fight over medications and his reaction. If he has been taking medications for years and years. Yes it is a form of drug addiction and medication or the lack of it can cause temper and very angry responses when they are not on it. I know this from personal experiances with family members who have been on these types of mediciines for years and you know what it destroys the mind and body and they keep getting it increased and increased and are completely depended on it. I take pain medication occasionally but I see how these other people are and there is no way I would like to be that way or be so dependant on a drug that makes you so angry and tempered. It could actually get worse and worse. Like J9 said that by you not giving him any would set him off is BIG RED FLAG THAT I SAW TOO WHEN I READ YOUR POST. You said this would not be the reason but of course it is the biggest reason. You also need to understand that at 42 with children that he has his own life to live and you need to let him live it in his own way. He needs to learn his own mistakes in life in order to learn and grow. It sounds to me that the relationship was way too close, way too controlled for comfort. This is just my opinion. No matter what, I know you love your son and even with everything if one day he desides to return and be open with you, you need to do your best to show him love and understanding. I wish you the best and your whole family the best. Please understand that it was the right descision you not giving him any of your pills and that you should not have giving him any pills in the first place. I do understand though that sometimes families share these things. I honestly even though my family members are in a lot of pain and take several medications, I honestly feel that one day each of them could possibly die at anytime. From the medications. It is a nasty habit, and to rely on so much of the all the time could eventually shut down your body. Your son is probably afraid of losing you and seeing you in so much pain. He does not want to be around you, because it hurts him and when people are afraid of losing somebody, sometimes they lash out in anger and sometimes they stay away because of what they are afraid of. So several possibilities or maybe all I mentioned is true. Hope this helps you might understanding your son better.

Joe



I. I never said we never disagreed. I said I didn't know what sent this big life changing thing off. I don't think listing every disagreement we ever had would have helped.
2. If he is a drug addict or not, he is rich enough to get all the pills that he needs. I don't think me telling him "no" would brought all this on, as I never gave him any. Like you, I do not share my medications
3. At 42 he does have his own life and he has lived it. He lived out of state until he opened his stores and he called and asked me to help him so that he could move home. I helped him.
5. At no time was there ever a big event with a fight that I could pinpoint down to making a change , like the one that has occurred with my son and myself.
6. "Close" does not mean abnormal or controlling.
7. I am never in so much pain that I am not completely "myself" and there is no chance of losing me to death or anything else. There is no reason for him to stay away because I am in "so much pain" that I may die or because I am bed ridden with the pain. I live a normal life with normal daily actives of living.

In closing.. thank you very much for your opinion.

But you know what. It could be something that I had nothing to do with and that is why I have no idea what it is. It could be a mental or a drug problem that I am unaware of. There are a lot of things in an adults child life that the parents may not have a clue about. I do not believe that I did anything wrong and that is why it is so hard to know why all this happened. And why it hurts me so much.