Ok so you have all been following the events of Pete, my unborn baby and I for some time now.

Pete and I have been apart for 6months now and I have given him nothing but space and have been very patient towards him and not pressured him into anything.

In that 6months Pete (himself) off his own back has been to scans with me, talked openly about wanting to be a dad, opened up to me about his worries and concerns, and recently attended parent craft with me. We also talk about out unborn daughter with each other, friends & family as OUR DAUGHTER, OUR THIS & OUR THAT. Pete even mentioned family holidays etc

We hung oiut together with two of his friends recently who are now also expecting a baby and he was flirting and having a giggle with me just like old times. We can chat for england every time we meet and Petes parents have said he always seems happy when he has been spending time with me and just being with me - yet miserable when he has not seen me.

There is for definite sparks flying left right and centre between us even after all this time. And he really has worked through a lot of his issues and I am starting to see once again there Man I fell in love with.

I am reluctant to make any kind of move as I don't want to undo the progress we have made, or make him feel pressured, but want to somehow let him know (in a suttle & ndiscreet manner) that I still love him. Things between us are on the right track, but I want to stay there and keep things moving and progressing! Should I just carry on as I have been, and let things happen naturally?

Yes , have not followed your story but that sounds great.
Let him make the moves... It will happen eventually...

I think you are doing a great job because you want to make sure his feelings are the same as yours.

It is tough for you to fully gauge where Pete is coming from because it may be because of the child. Your feelings you have complete control over are not only for the child but for Pete as well and they are back in full force.

The key is to just give it time. 6 months to a man is like 1 year so he definitely seems to be working hard on it. Just keep on having fun with him and not really bring up any feelings so he doesn't close off and let him make the first move. Just be patient.

Hi Holly,

How lovely to hear from you and how lovely it is to hear that you and Pete are getting along fine.

I personally think its about time you had a little chat with Pete. You have waited and waited and been more than patient with Pete that I think its about time you find out where you stand.

Have a private chat with pete, I know you won't force anything on him but make that clear, no pressue, and just tell him you have a right to know where you both stand as a couple esp with your child on the way.

I think you so deserve this now.
Tell him that if he mature enough he should understand why you are having this chat.

<<Have a private chat with pete, I know you won't force anything on him but make that clear, no pressue, and just tell him you have a right to know where you both stand as a couple esp with your child on the way.
>>

Hmm sounds a bit forceful ;-) She would be better doing an action... example..
How about for example putting his hand on your stomach to see if he can feel the baby's heartbeat... This should then promote an action from him or if he does not feel comfortable you can wait for another time and try again.

Actions do speak louder than words.

Rol, I have been following Holly's story since the beginning. She has been very very patient with Pete, I also believed she was too good for him, but as things happened, he slowly slowly came round and starting accepting their baby.

So far so good.

But I still believe she should talk to him, just about them 2 not involving the child, not using their child as an excuse for him to fall in love again, its not the right way and I'm sure Holly would agree.
She wants and also needs to know where stands with Pete as a partner not a father, as he already said he would support their child.

Yes I agree also she should eventually talk, but would it not be better for him to bring it up, or try to get him to bring it up... plus the fact she is pregnant could make her very stressed if he gives a negative answer...
I would try first getting him to move his hand on the stomach just to see if he pulls away fiercely or if he likes it there which I'm sure he will. Then she can look into his eyes or something like that, and then have the talk ;-)

Hi DJ, Glad to hear from you again. While I'm happy Pete is slowly coming around, and I know you'd love to know for sure how he feels about the future with you, I hope you can curb your curiosity and continue being patient with him. I just feel that any kind of pressure right now would confuse him and push him away. You've made a lot of progress and I would not do anything to throw a wrench in the works right now. Sounds as Pete needs a lot of patients and a slow loving hand, so that's the way I think you should proceed. Be patient and continue going forward. There is no hurry is there, but I know you'd like a resolution. Go slow and let things follow there natural course for now. I think he is doing his best now and the birth of his child will bring reality home to him. Be patient.

Actions do speak louder than words.

Rol, i have been following Holly's story since the begining. She has been very very patient with Pete, i also believed she was too good for him, but as things happened, he slowly slowly came round and starting accepting their baby.

So far so good.

But i still believe she should talk to him, just about them 2 not involving the child, not using their child as an excuse for him to fall in love again, its not the right way and im sure Holly would agree.
She wants and also needs to know where stands with Pete as a partner not a father, as he already said he wud support their child.

I 100% agree with you Krs. In a mature relationship you should be able to speak of your feelings. I believe the advise that you have given to her on how to approach this is appropriate. It is not forecefully or needy.

Hey Holly - I was worried about you. Lonf time no chat. I meant to write.

Keep doing what you've been doing!

The word we've come to champion around here is TAKE IT SLOW!! SLOW!!

No pressure on Pete right now. You've done a fantastic job so far!! Keep it up!!

Thanks guys for all of your input. Wildcat and Talliman rae right, patience, no pressure and taking things slow will pay off than diving in their declaring my love for him. If I am honest Pete already knows how I feel, and I have waited this long so waiting a little longer is not going to hurt us. Besides it's only 7weeks until our daughter is due!

Funnily enough I text him tonight asking him if he knew how to cure a leaking kettle? He told me to pop round his (which I did) and he found out where the leak was for me and told me how to stop it!. we also had a chit chat about our weekend and had a bit of a giggle together. I then had to leave rapidly because my mate was waiting outside for me (just to remind you all Pete lives next door to me) lol - and then an hour later he phoned me asking for my brothers number, I then said why you pop round and get it as it was on my mobile and he said "you in are you?"... he thought I had gone out, so he popped round - my mate lweft and he stopped and had another chat and giggle for about 20mins and then got off to go mend his CD Player.

You're getting closer... and closer... I can feel it all the way from here!!

Not getting my hopes too high (don't want to get nburned) but I think we are definatley on the right track and very as you say very close to things going all the way! We have our next Parentcraft meeting on Wednesday - so that will be another evening we get to spend together :)

Hey Holly,

Good to here you and baby are going good. And good to see Pete is making positive steps.

I think your biggest worry right now should just be ensuring you and bubs health is spot on.

Keep going along the same lines as you are with Pete. No pressure at all. It is hard for you I understand because you probably want and deserve some sort of answer. But I dare say he would be in no position to give you one.

He is probably very scared, excited, worried, nervous, anxious etc about the impending birth of his child and at the moment is focusing on that. Which I guess is fine.

So no pressure from you and continue to go slow and it sounds as though there is a chance.

It was great to hear from you again!

My daughter and I are very healthy. Getting checks every couple of weeks and I am currently on maternity leave now so resting lots and preparing for her arrival :)

Nice note Skell!!

Once again - I can't say it enough - we see it over and over and over here - go SLOW!! Keep your interest level down - at least to them.

Remember - to an extent - even with Pete - I will always say - and no one has proven me wrong on this one - PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE! ALWAYS!!

I do agree that is the case in most situations - but to be fair pete and I may have been apart in terms of being a couple - but neither of us have dated anyone else or moved on with our lives and given the progress things are looking pretty good. However I am still palying it cool and not getting my hopes too high. Even if Pete and I don't work out as a couple, we will work mas good friends, which will give us the benefit to raise out daughter together as a united front! So which ever way it goes the most important thing has already been accomplished - a relationship with Pete here on would just be a bonus but not something I deem to be as important! I just wanted reassurance that I was doing the right thing by carrying on with the same methiond I have done throughout.

Consider yourself,, reassured.

Great to hear that things are going well for you! :D
I agree with everyone else here, and it seems your gut instinct is similar - spot on as usual! Take it slowly, you're both adapting gradually and comfortably towards having a child. I wouldn't push a conversation just yet. Things are good the way they are.
I am confused though - did you not move away to a different town, or did you change your plans?
Congrats again, you seem to be moving in the right direction x

No I stayed put in the end. Decided that moving was not going to change a thing - it would have been me running away from the problem - stayoing and sorting things out was the right thing to do!

okies - so Pete and I attended parent craft tonight, which was quite fun and educational - made us able to decide on a few things together! After we had a good chat about random things - had a giggle and just generally enjoyed eachothers company!. 1hr & half later I received a text, it was from Pete asking me if I would like to go round his for a meal on Friday!. I have accepted and if honest (wwithout getting hopes too high) I AM OVER THE MOON WITH EXCITEMENT... but remaining calm and dignified with it!. ALL OPINIONS WELCOME!

okies - so Pete and I attened parent craft tonight, which was quite fun and educational - made us able to decide on a few things together! After we had a good chat about random things - had a giggle and just generally enjoyed eachothers company! ... 1hr & half later I received a text, it was from Pete asking me if I would like to go round his for a meal on Friday! ... I have accepted and if honest (wwithout getting hopes too high) I AM OVER THE MOON WITH EXCITEMENT .... but remaining calm and dignified with it!!!! ... ALL OPINIONS WELCOME!

Great Holly. Really great.
He seems to be really coming along and I think it is all to do with how you have been handling him and the whole situation.

There has been no pressure. You seem like you have been nothing but fun and happy around him and overall have just dealt with this so magnificently that well that perhaps he is starting to wonder what a great person he let go.

But I too hope you don't get your hopes too high just yet and continue to go down the path you have been.

It is nice to hear though. And a little exciting.

Thanks Skell - I could not have done it wihtout the support of everyone here at AMHD. I will not deny how hardwork it has been being patient with Pete - but it has proven to me that you do have to make some sacrifices and just do what needs to be done in order to get what you want out of life; it requires, hardwork, perservence, patience and above all else effort!. I know Pete and I are not quite there yet and we still have a long way to go before I can let my guard down completely - but girls I am living proof that men do not want to be pressured, nagged and moaned at - and the biggest thing of all is to leave the past in the past! And as Wildcat always says TAKE THINGS SLOW - Sometimes things are worth waiting for and if it means biting your tongue and playing the waiting game so be it; I say :)

I have to say I have learnt a lot about myself in the last 6 months and I have also learnt a lot about Pete. They say time is what it takes to get to know someone and if I am honest I feel a lot closewr to Pete now (even though we are not together) than I ever dids before when we were. I feel that on some level we have really tested each other and pushed each other to limits that would have torn some people aprt - but somehow we are still talking and working together to learn about parenting and in my book that says a lot - even if we do just end up good friends!. my outlook on life is so different - I really feel like I have grown as a person.

That's right, but don't be a walk over either. You still have to be your own person and have your own opinions and needs. You have to have a voice as well.

It is about balance! Finding the right balance!

Thats right, but dont be a walk over either. you still have to be your own person and have your own opinions and needs. You have to have a voice as well.

it is about balance! Finding the right balance!

Trust me, there is no worries there - I can assure you? - I am very head strong and a complete individual to say the least - and lets just say say if there is ever a need my voice is heard loud and clear? - have just learned there is a time & a place and that sometmes a tactful approach is better.
I am still me - would just like to think I have improved myself and become an even better me!

Yep - ALWAYS take them slow.

Every day here we have people who have crashed and burned - because the rush things, put undue pressure on the other person (something they wouldn't do in 1 million years IF they knew the out come) - want something so bad and they push for it way too hard.

Make sure to be a little bit of a challenege - don't always go running to him because HE says he wants to do something - don't answer evey call - don't be obligated to return every text. Be busy.

People want wha tthey can't have.

Now this doesn't mean totally shut him out - but have a life.

Hello Holly,

Long time no hear. I am happy to hear that you and your little one are doing really good and are healthy. That is so good to hear. It is good to hear that you and pete are just being yourselves with each other and just going with the flow. I agree with what others have said. Have patience and no pressure. Having a baby is enough pressure on its own then having to worry about everything else.

Joe

That's why I did not respond to his text straight away. I left him hanging for half an hour before replying with a yes!

Good. Leave him wanting more of you!!

Good. Leave him wanting more of you!!!

Do you know how exciting this all feels - makes me feel like a teen again lol

Can not wait to see some baby pictures. How much more time Holly?

I have got under 7weeks left to go L)

How sweet...
How do you feel? :)

Been feeling great! But not so good toay got a bit of a stomach bug!

7 weeks? Are we talking a Christmas baby? Hail Capricorns!

My daughter is due the 27th December so it could very well be a christmas baby lol

That's so amazing :)

I know!

That would be fun - my B-day is Decemeber 15.

latest update... Went to Petes on Friday for a meal. He and I had a wonderful time together, chatting about everything... almost like we were getting to know oneanother again. We had such a good time that he moved his legs for me to sit next to him on the sofa. We ended up falling alseep and drifted in and out of sleep for ages. Eventually he starting just lightly ticking my leg, so after a while I did the same to him and eventually he grabbed my hand and tickled my hand so I did the same to him after a while. Soon after he grabbed my other hand. We were opposite ends of the sofa facing each other whilst lead down holding hands drifting in and out of sleep. Every so often he made a little sound like he used to which always meant he was content and happy. He also made a point of saying how relaxed he felt and how much he was just enjoying what we were doing. 5.30am came and the sofa became so uncomfortable that bed was on the agenda. I thanked him for a great evening and went home and he went to bed.

... I did not contact Pete all day the following day and after, the evening approached and I had an invite from a mutual friend to go out with a bunch of them including Pete. Pete spent the entire evening playing musical chairs whenever he was not sat next to me, so that he could sit next to me. And spent the entire evening talking to me (the others may well have been at home) the way we were chatting & laughing!! - he said he would fix my car for me, I could always borrow his car if I needed to - said he would put the final touches to the stero he fitted for me (as he never finished it) eventually I got pretty tired, so told him I was heading home. And he stayed out. To my amazment when I got home I had a text come through from Pete asking me 'Did you get home OK?' and that he was on his way home - then he proceeded to text me for the next hour about random things like he did when we first started dating. He then wished me sweet dreams as he went to bed and I went to bed.. all opinions welcome once again :)

Hi there,

Not entered this thread yet but have been reading now and I personally think you have done the right thing by giving him space and putting no pressure on him.

I also think there is a definite spark happening again between the two of you and possibly a good chance you will be back together as a family.

I think he wants to be a dad to his child and also I believe from what you say in your posts that he still has strong feelings for you as well and I think you also feel the same.

Just go with it, does not seem like you need much guidance, it all seems to be happening regardless.

I wish you both well and hope that this transpires with a happy ending which I am sure it will!

Maybe you can restrain yourself from jumping for joy but I can't -Whooooopeee! There got it out for you. Your thread is a good example of what can be done in a healthy environment and with a cool logical attitude, and I hope you don't mind if I refer others to your thread as an example of doing it right. I am so happy for you, as you continue down your path, you deserve the happiness. Thanks always for sharing.

Thanks Talaniman - but we still have some way to go. He text nme tonight asking me if I was home and if I was he would have a quick look at my car for me - he came round had a look - we had a chat and then he went home. I kicked myself afterwards wondering whether I should have offered him a cuppa and wondering perhaps if that's what he was expecting me to do... so I am still on dosgy ground at the moment but just feel it is better to leave him to itnitiate everything that way I cannot get it wrong.

I am more than happy for you to refer this thread to others as if there is one thing I know and can preach to others for sure is that 'patience is everything' when you really want something! I have waited nearly 7months and I might just be lucky enough to get just wahat I want for xmas and that's the man of my dreams and a beautiful Daughter - my very own FAMILY!!

tee hee hee - I have to laugh - Pete keeps texting me on and off asking me questions about random things; any excuse for him to to talk to me lol - we just seem to be doing the sdame thing and going round in circles am I doing the right thing leaving him to initiate or should I be throwing him a bit of a rope here to help him out?

OK so Pete has just text me again lol - he is letting me borrow his car tomorrow because mine is not running and has a tendency to break down. I replied to thank him and he replied 'No worries' shall I leave it or try and engage a short conversation?

This is great. Really great. Brings a big smile to my face.

To be honest Holly I don't think there is a need to change things from how they are now or initiate things.
Don't push. Progress seems to be getting made with each new post and you aren't pushing. So do what you have been doing up until this point and just let it all come along naturally.

Why push or initiate when things are progressing so well with what you have been doing so far.

If it isn't broke, don't fix it!

(and I know it is still broke but it seems to be fixing itself)

SLOW Holly and continue to focus on you and your daughter.
It is getting exciting though!

I would just leave it. No need to try and push.

He is clearly interested again so do what we advise everyone else.

Be a little mysterious. You don't need to reply to everything he says. Let him be curious.

Just go slow.

This is great. Really great. Brings a big smile to my face.

to be honest Holly i dont think there is a need to change things from how they are now or initiate things.
Dont push. Progress seems to be getting made with each new post and you arent pushing. So do what you have been doing up until this point and just let it all come along naturally.

Why push or initiate when things are progressing so well with what you have been doing so far.

if it aint broke, dont fix it!

(and i know it is still broke but it seems to be fixing itself)

SLOW Holly and continue to focus on you and your daughter.
It is getting exciting though!

Yeah I know you are right - its just the excitement that's making me wonder what to do next - but it would seem he is doing things at his own pace and I am more than sure its because he wants to do things right and the proper way... I am trying to stay calm and relaxed about him but I just can't help myself. I never thought we would come this far and it really does put a mile on my face? :)

Yes - carry on as you have been and let things happen naturally. You don't want to "undo" any of your hard-won progress.

Holly, you are doing great, things truly work out slowly slowly and you are proof of this.
I am so happy that you are happy.
X

so \i spent 3hrs with Pete tonight. Had a text message shortly after he finshed work asking me if he could have a play with my car... I told him was more than welcome./ I gave him the keys and watched him manoevr my car off my driveway to his. He then pulled out a Haines manual and a box of parts. He only went to the Auto store after he finished work and bought everything required to give my car a fulll service and the haines manual is to figure out what is causing my car to kangeroo and over rev and he is determined to fix it. He wants no money for the parts or anything.

So I kept him company and supplied plenty cups of tea and lots of chocolate! - I am seeing him again tomorrow for the next stages of the service to be done to my car and he plans to work on nit for the rest of te week = perhaps I ought to offer to cook for him by way of saying thank you and showing appreciation - is that going too far or do you think under the circumstances it would go down well. Does not necessarily have to be him coming round to mine for a specific meal - I could always just cook for him and pop it next door for him to eat when he chooses/

What do you think?? He does like my cooking - especially ,my home made Macaroni Cheese - yum yum lol

Better wait until the car is done in case you make him too fat to crawl under it.:D Seriously a meal is a good gesture to show appreciation for his attention and help. Let me know when, so a few of us can chaperone. :) ( okay we love mac and cheese too, so what?)

Things are going pretty good, huh?

Just so you know he may be using the car as an excuse to be around you. Shhhh! A week hmmm!

Better wait until the car is done in case you make him too fat to crawl under it.:D Seriously a meal is a good gesture to show appreciation for his attention and help. Let me know when, so a few of us can chaperone. :) ( okay we love mac and cheese too, so what?)

Things are going pretty good, huh?

Just so you know he may be using the car as an excuse to be around you. Shhhh!! A week hmmm!

Yeah I kind of guessed he was using the car as an excuse to spend time with me - I was really chuffed deep down. I will definitely let you know before I do the meal - I think some guidance from a few of you is a tip top idea; don't want to do or say something wrong. Especially now. :)

Go slow, Eyes and mind open, wide open. You've done an excellent job thus far. Don't be chuffed, at Pete about the car though, any man would do the same.

Oh don't worry - I am still keeping my guard up - and not getting my hopes up too high - like I said I would not want to get burned again.

hey holly.

in case you haven't heard it enough lately, you're doing a great job.

sounds like pete is getting a little more grounded. That's good news.

just don't fret about saying or doing the wrong thing too much. In the end, you are you and fighting it is unnatural. Petes hurt you in the past. Fine. If you were my sister id have wanted to put him up against the wall more than once... hell, you're not my sister and I still have wanted to do that. =)

but in the end... I think you're getting to the place where you simply need to know. If he blows it again, then you know. If he steps up, then you know. I do think one thing seems clear... sounds like he's excited about the baby... and that means you will have a relationship with him that is close. I'm not sure it will be everything you wanted... I'm not sure it won't... but once that child is born you will both be amazed and in awe with a new kind of love, and you'll both share it.

so don't fret about the details too much now. If you say something "wrong" I think you're entitled to it after all you've put up with.

you're doing a great job.

Well... after much advice, careful stepping and waiting and moving slow I am pleased to announce that things have finally worked out! We are Pursuing things slowly and still have a long way to go but we are together and that's all that matters.

Thank you to everyone for all your help and support - I am still taking your advice and still being careful, but just really please that things have worked out for the best.

Bravo!!

Awesome!!

Outstanding!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you!!

See everyone - go SLOW!! No pressure!!

Holly took it slow - up and owns. Didn't push (oh but she wanted to) - SPACE. Let Pete woking things out in his head.

She was busy with her life. She planned things with out him just in case.

I know she had ups and major downs... but let a really simple principle OF LOVE work out for her... she was there for Pete - regardless how he acted - a friend. Slowly - no pushing. She loved Pete unconditionally - even though he would not give her love back.

I know this takes a lot of TIME - people don't relaizes, get upset and make major mistakes.

Yes it is a great story and I'm sure everyone is as delighted for you as you are. But I'm also sure everyone now would still implore you to go slow and continue to put yours and your daugthers health and well being first and continue down the path you have taken with pete that has worked so wonderfully well so far!

Please keep us informed!

You are not completely out of the woods yet as I am sure there is still along way to go for pete to completely regain your trust. Take it slow and I'm sure that will come!

Oh I know we still have a long way to go. He and I are just starting again - getting to know one another - taking it a day at a time. Like tonight - I waited for him to contact me... later replied - we had a fun conversation for a bit and then bid each other good night. I am just letting things unfold naturally which is what happened on Saturday.

A simple DVD night turned into an oncore of holding hands and lots of kissing.

I spent the evening with him and his family last night just watching TV and then at the end of the knight kissed him, said goodnight and went home.

Tonight just texting.

Tomorrow night who knows - just a day at a time - no pushing - still acting with caution?

Wildcat, skell, talliman, jesushelper and everyone thank you so much for everything - but one thing I will say (just as skell pointed out) still not quite out of the woods yet - so I still need you guys to just point me the right direction if I happen to slip of course - I shouldn't think I will but having a bit of backup is always a reassurance :)

Well I think it is just important to not just slip back into old habits that for whatever reason didn't work last time. I know this whole thing was pete's doing but I'm sure looking back there may be things that you wished you had done a little better. Maybe not. But if there is well make sure that this time you do those things that little better.

And I think it is important that you keep your expectations of Pete at a level that is beneficial for yourself. Don't just let Pete back in because he wants to all of a sudden and because it is what you always wanted. I think he has to prove to you that he is capable of not only acting mor mature this time as a partner but also as a dad. You can't have him running back and forth indecisive like he has in the past simply because you are that much in love with him that you will allow him to do as he pleases. You need a man both you and your daughter can trust and depend on to get and give all the love you need.

So just take it slow. You don't have to be available to him all the time. Make him miss you a little. Make sure you still have a life outside pete as well. Continue to do the things you have done over the past few months. Keep living that life as it seems to be what has helped to bring pete around. So it will probably be the thing that will keep him there as well.

Communication is king. SLOWLY start talking - not yet - but soon - about what you both want and need.

This is a marathon - not a race.

Slow development, clear gentle talking, no "stuff" from the past-- you are two new people in a totally new relationship despite how it may seem some of the time. I quietly sing "Oh happy day." LOL

You are absolutely right. It is as I said to my mum a new beginning. Where as the past is now totally irrelevant for the best part of this brand new relationship - it does still bear a small part on our future. I have learnt that seeing him all the time is not important - (not that I did before and I did not stop living last time) - just I know what's important to me and Isla will always come first. Pete knows that. Isla is the most importnt thing to me.

I will continue to carry on my life as I did before. Prime example tonight I made plans for a friend to come over - she did not turn up - however my auntie did - so I had her company instead - but I will say he text me first - not other way round - I know how to make someone miss me and I guess its playing hard to get in a small funny kind of way.

I am not prepared to screw up now that I have come this far? Xx

I like what Skell wrote about having a life outside of Pete, we have been calling it balance. Pete is a part of your life, but not a good idea to make him your life. You are responsible for your own happiness, not Pete. To be healthy in this way will make your relationships healthy. I hope Pete can realise the need for balance and be healthy himself, now that would really work!

I have always maintained a life outside Pete v- even when we were together before - something I learnt from an ex partner a few years ago - so no worries there. I am strong willed and would not ditch my friends or change my plans for anyone.