All threads merged into one for the whole story

There is a misconception that the One who breaks up doesn't care about the person because they are the ones who ended it, well that is so not true.
My Boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and we had our share of problems believe me. We broke up in the past very briefly and he wanted a reconciliation so we decided to get back together. I broke up with him a couple of weeks ago because he just didn't have time for me. He was dealing with a lot of stuff, the illness of his father has taken a toll on him and he works day and night. On the nights I went to him he would fall asleep in mid conversation and put his head on my lap and just fall asleep. This frustrated me very much because it seemed like all he cared about was work. I appreciate a hard working man like the next woman but 7 days a week from morning till night? This was ridiculous, he is self-employed so this was uncessary. He would tell me he is in love with me and wants to marry me but I just need to wait until he can pay off his debts and help pay for his father's medical expenses. I think he is a workaholic who's main interest is making money.
Three weeks ago we both went away separately. I went overseas on vacation with my sister and he went to visit his relatives. He said he would call me with his contact information. Well when I came back he didn't call me until 3 days later but I missed the call. I tried to call back the next day but it went straight to voice mail. I think he should have made a greater effort to reach me but I guess he was too "busy" to do it. I turned off my phone and changed my numbers for a week so that he would not be able to contact me. He knows I'm a straight shooter and I have very little tolerance for nonsense but as harsh as it may seem this is method of breaking up works for me because keeping in contact with him will only make breaking up harder.
I really do care about him and its hurting me that it turned out like this but this is the way I deal with things, cutting off contact all together. Perhaps when he returns we will be able to talk about things but for now it doesn't look good for us. I know he really cares for me but I felt unappreciated too long.

I don't think anyone ever said that the dumper doesn't care about the dumpee...

The problem actually comes up because the dumper actually DOES care about the dumpee, and tries to not hurt the dumpee, and does the "we need space"... and this sends the dumpee into a confused outlook as to why they broke up, etc.

I know my ex cared about me, and I know she still does.

Sneeze is so right as all to often we see a breakup, and the poor dumpee is in shock and disbelief, and then the dumper comes with lets be friends, and still in shock, the dumpee agrees. Don't give the person you dumped any false hope, with that friends crap. Let the guy get over you. If you care as you say.

I have no intention of hurting him. I don't think friendship is a good idea either because I don't want to give him false hope. But what will I say or do if he suggests a friendship?

I broke up with him a couple of weeks ago because he just didn't have time for me.

Did you explain to him that he's risking your loss through his inattention? There will always be "stuff" to be dealt with on both sides. What are you dealing with that it isn't your turn to be there for him?


I appreciate a hard working man like the next woman...

Have you told him? Have you discussed balancing work/home life with him?


He would tell me he is inlove with me and wants to marry me but I just need to wait until he can pay off his debts and help pay for his father's medical expenses.

Doesn't sound like a bad plan to me. If you're in debt, getting out of it should be a priority. I see a responsible man who takes care of family and wants to be a good provider, especially if he's self-employed as there are no guaranteed paychecks. He's working for YOU.


I turned off my phone and changed my numbers for a week so that he would not be able to contact me.

I've had a phone number changed on me. [opinion of you deleted] I'm surprised he's still talking to you.


this ... method of breaking up works for me...I know he really cares for me, I felt unappreciated too long

Rationalization for using contact as a weapon to punish him.

So let me get this straight, you feel unappreciated because he is working to get HIMSELF out of debt and take care of his father? Family comes before any relationship in my eyes, I would rather have my father healthy and living than some girl who gets their panties in a bunch because I am working to help someone who helped me as a child!

Then you go the childish route and get angry because he couldn't call you right away when you wanted him to. You both were on vacation, ENJOY IT! Then you change your phone number because of that? Are you 15 years old? That's not being a straight shooter, that's being stuck up and someone who thinks they should be priority number one in life. NEWSFLASH! Family is the most important thing, they were there before you and you know what... They will still be there after you

Did you explain to him that he's risking your loss through his inattention? There will always be "stuff" to be dealt with on both sides. What are you dealing with that it isn't your turn to be there for him?


Have you told him? Have you discussed balancing work/home life with him?

Doesn't sound like a bad plan to me. If you're in debt, getting out of it should be a priority. I see a responsible man who takes care of family and wants to be a good provider, especially if he's self-employed as there are no guaranteed paychecks. He's working for YOU.

I have helped this man out financially on several occasions, sometimes he would swallow his pride and ask for assistance and sometimes I would offer to help him and he never refused. I make a pretty decent living so I never had a problem giving him anything and he would be the first to admit it. I want to be there for him and he just doesn't accept it. He didn't tell me about his father until very recent and it bothered me because I could have offered him emotional support as well. He is like a brick wall lately not letting "me" in.

I've had a phone number changed on me. [opinion of you deleted] I'm surprised he's still talking to you.

Rationalization for using contact as a weapon to punish him.

I have discussed this with him several times in the last couple of months. We are both busy hard working individuals but at least I made the effort to see him. In the beginning our relationship I was the busier person and he sulked a lot about it. I told him that my company gave me a lot of materials to go over in a short amount of time and so I wouldn't have time, yet I compromised made time to see him and to tell him that I am there for him despite my responsibilities.

I don't believe he is still talking to me. He was the first one to turn off his phone on me, I took that as he didn't want anything to do with me so I did the same. In our last conversation before I went away I called him to tell him how much I'm going to miss him but before I could say anything he just came on and said in a very annoying voice, "let me call you back", knowing full well that communication between us would be shut off for a week. This is a give and take. If I were to get into the specifics of everything you might see things differently.

[QUOTE=Romefalls19]So let me get this straight, you feel unappreciated because he is working to get HIMSELF out of debt and take care of his father? Family comes before any relationship in my eyes, I would rather have my father healthy and living than some girl who gets their panties in a bunch because I am working to help someone who helped me as a child!

Then you go the childish route and get angry because he couldn't call you right away when you wanted him to. You both were on vacation, ENJOY IT! Then you change your phone number because of that? Are you 15 years old? That's not being a straight shooter, that's being stuck up and someone who thinks they should be priority number one in life. NEWSFLASH! Family is the most important thing, they were there before you and you know what... They will still be there after you[/QUOTE

I never disputed that family isn't the most important thing. I totally agree with that, I just wish he had let me help him more from shutting me out.

Sometimes people deal with things very internally, I know I do. If I am having a problem, I sort it out myself and try not to bring my problems into the lives of others. It's a complex thing, we don't want to plague someone else's life with our issues and just think we can solve everything ourselves

I know that sometimes when couples reach a certain stage in their relationship they want to make a strong commitment by moving in together and that's fine for some people but not for me. He recently came back after three long months apart. Just before he left we got into a fight and I was concerned that our relationship will not stand the test of time. But he told me that he loves me even more now and wants us to live together. I am moving into a new place and he said it would be perfect if we lived together but I don't want to. I have verbalized this to him before and he just shrugged it off but I meant it. When he asked to move in I smiled and tactfully changed the subject. But I know he will be asking again and I don't want to hurt his feelings. The only way we live together is if we get married. He has mentioned that he wants to marry me on several occasions but I know that its in the future. I have no objection to him sleeping over sometimes but the actual living together is a different story. I don't know how to break it to him easily. Knowing him he will think that I'm not serious about him but that's not true at all.
Any advice would be appreciated.

You tell him you're not comfortable with that situation, that you have very strong beliefs and opinions about living together. He either understands it or he doesn't. If he does not respect your reasons, he is not for you anyway.

Don't do anything you don't want to do, especially that. Living together is too big a step to make if it's not something you want to do.

Age and relationship time?

Age and relationship time?

I'm 31 and he's 37 and we've only been together for 8 months.

I'm 31 and he's 37 and we've only been together for 8 months.

Not enough time. Wait for one year & half.

Just my opinion,
Living together= Experiment

Marriage= Commitment

6 Months = Have fun getting to know a stranger.

6-12 months= Exclusive dating as its good enough to continue having fun and learning each other

18-2 years Growing together, bonding, and laying the ground work for good communications, and working together to solve your problems, to the benefit of you both. This is also where serious talking about the future comes in.

Stick by your guns, if he can't handle the heat, get him out of the kitchen. There may be no easy way of doing this, but honesty is best.

My girlfriend moved in with me after being together for a year.

... I went crazy after 6 months.

My gf moved in with me after being together for a year.

...I went crazy after 6 months.


Hahaha!

8 months is no time, and you've already had one break up. Stick to your guns. If he does not like it, he is not for you anyway.

Thank you guys for your advice. This isn't going to be an easy task believe me. When he looks at me with those georgeous eyes makes it that much harder. He's on his way over right now and if he doesn't bring it up tonight I certainly wouldn't.

Good luck, and not to downplay this guy's emotions towards you, but 8 months is a very short amount of time and is even considered still being in the "honeymoon phase"... enjoy it.

You have told him before about how you feel and he shrugged it off, sounds like he does not take you too seriously. Make sure he does. This will be a test.
Good luck.

Don't let his looks fool you.

... possibly.. . do guys "test" girls..

... I may post this question on the main thread... but I don't test girls... and most of my buddies don't "test" girls...

Maybe girls think we test you guys because YOU guys test us..

**UPDATE**

So I mentioned to my boyfriend that I don't want us to live together unless we are married. I thought for sure he would be a deal breaker but in a complete turn of events he tells me that we should get married! At first I thought it was a joke, I laughed but he had a poker face. I told him sometime in the future we've only been together for about eight months. He says that he is ready to settle down with a woman who he loves and trust and said that I have all the qualities he's been looking for. I have no doubt in my mind that he is a good man who would treat me very well but I don't know if he just saying these things because he thinks its what I want to hear or if he really means it. Our relationship has been a rocky one just a little while ago, he went away for three months and its like he's on this high. He wants me to meet his family asap. If all these things he's saying is true that scares me because although I would like to get married someday, I don't want it to be before 2009 like he suggests.
Please give me insight on this, I know he cares for me but he's moving way too fast and its making me nervous.

He's 37, you're 31 and madly in love that's why he's clouded.

There are a lot of things still needs to be considered in marriage like compatibility of personality & beliefs, quirks, who's who, money, kids from previous marriage, career, properties etc.

What's with the hurry by the way?

No choice but just be honest and stand by on your word.

**UPDATE**

So I mentioned to my bf that I don't want us to live together unless we are married. I thought for sure he would be a deal breaker but in a complete turn of events he tells me that we should get married! At first I thought it was a joke, I laughed but he had a poker face. I told him sometime in the future we've only been together for about eight months. He says that he is ready to settle down with a woman who he loves and trust and said that I have all the qualities he's been looking for. I have no doubt in my mind that he is a good man who would treat me very well but I don't know if he just saying these things because he thinks its what I want to hear or if he really means it. Our relationship has been a rocky one just a little while ago, he went away for three months and its like he's on this high. He wants me to meet his family asap. If all these things he's saying is true that scares me because although I would like to get married someday, I don't want it to be before 2009 like he suggests.
Please give me insight on this, I know he cares for me but he's moving way too fast and its making me nervous.

Don't let his poker face get to you...

Eight months relationship is not a long time; the age gap is not that bad~

I know that sometimes when couples reach a certain stage in their relationship they want to make a strong committment by moving in together and thats fine for some people but not for me. He recently came back after three long months apart. Just before he left we got into a fight and I was concerned that our relationship will not stand the test of time. But he told me that he loves me even more now and wants us to live together. I am moving into a new place and he said it would be perfect if we lived together but I don't want to. I have verbalized this to him before and he just shrugged it off but I ment it. When he asked to move in I smiled and tactfully changed the subject. But I know he will be asking again and I don't want to hurt his feelings. The only way we live together is if we get married. He has mentioned that he wants to marry me on several occasions but I know that its in the future. I have no objection to him sleeping over sometimes but the actual living together is a different story. I don't know how to break it to him easily. Knowing him he will think that I'm not serious about him but thats not true at all.
Any advice would be appreciated.

My wife and I lived together a while, a year, before we got married, but... and you never know, but, we thought we would in fact get married. We did. Without going into the morality of it or whether it's good for you longer term or not, I hear (read) you saying no, not until you're married. Please, tell him, in the words you typed, no fewer and no more, "The only way we live together is if we get married. " if that is what you really want to convey to him, and don't be shy about it. There's nothing wrong with it.

He's 37, you're 31 and madly in love thats why he's clouded.

There are a lot of things still needs to be considered in marriage like compatibility of personality & beliefs, quirks, whos who, money, kids from previous marriage, career, properties etc.

Whats with the hurry by the way?

No choice but just be honest and stand by on your word.


His father passed away recently and he adopted this "hold on to everything precious" attitude. He mentioned to me that life is too short to waste time, and if you know what you want in life why not get it now. He told me that he is 37 and is finally ready to settle down, something he thought he could never do before. In terms of money, we both make a pretty decent living. He has a teenage daughter who he adores and personality? Well lets just say its never a dull moment with us. I am still a little suspicious though. Men aren't usually the ones crazy about marriage.

What a dilemma, slowing down a runaway train. There is no hurry to do anything, except get to know each other, and see is there a possibility for the next level. After 8 months the attraction is still intense but has not stood the test of time, nor has it convinced you to even change your stance, so sit back, and buckle up, and see how he acts.

If it ain't no fun now, I doubt if marriage will help!

Take your time. He just lost his father and is looking at things from a different level.
8 months is not a long time and it's been a rocky time at that. Get to know one another. He needs to work through his grief before he can even think about a marriage he had not thought about previously.
Take your time!

Homegirl is right, he thinks getting married will fill the whole in his soul after his loss, he needs time to heal, and get healthy again.

Recently I posted the topic "my boyfriend wants us to live together" and now I am here again with other stress like issues.

Background information-Bf came back after 3 months on this high talking about how we should live together and getting married and all that. I thought everything was going very well for us but I find that problems are arising again and its really starting to PMO.

He has been back for about two weeks now and we have yet to spend any real together. I was stood up four times since and I've gotten no apologies just empty promises. Then when I try to call him the phone is off or he lets it ring out. Last night when I finally got him on the phone he yelled at me for me getting upset that he avoided all day! This morning he calls apologizing for yelling saying that he is under a lot of stress and that he would like to see me today. When I tried calling him just a little while ago his phone is off yet again! He works seriously like 16 hours a day and is too tired and busy to see me regularly. I have spoken to him until I'm blue in the face. All I hear is how much he wants to be with me, how much he loves me and all of that nonsens, yet I really don't see it. How can I believe this man wants to marry me if he can't even spare one hour over the weekend. I don't want to be unreasonable here but if you can't spend any time with me whatsoever then please tell me so. I have too many other issues dealing with then to hold on to a neglectful boyfriend.
I just want to know this, how can you claim you want to be with someone so much yet can't spare a minute of your time with me, I don't even ask for much, just one little hour over the weekend. This is unexceptable, and his avoiding me after I get stood up is just making matters worse for him... please somebody help me decide what to do because I just about ready to give up.

He's showing you that his job and free time are more important than you, listen to him. There has been background issues already, he gets angry with you when he's to blame. Move on. Find someone that thinks you are worth his time. And don't let him tell you that he works too much to see you. That's BS. I have three jobs, my boyfriend has two and goes to school. We see each other every night.

Sounds like you two are incompatible because as Chihuahuamomma said his priorities are not with you and you want somebody that is there for you on an emotional and psychical level. Tell him that if he can't find time through the week and weekend for you you see no reason to continue in the relationship. Talking until you are blue in the face is NOT the answer. You should realize that is not an option by now because that can actually drive a guy into avoiding you.

Perhaps you guys are right. I am not the type of person to hold on to something that is not working out. The thing is he tells me he wants to be with me and all that but actions speak louder then words. I cannot do this anymore.

Ok so my boyfriend calls me this morning wanting me to come over by his house so we can "spend time together". When I enter he asks me what's wrong, so of course I told him how upset I am that he cannot put forth enough time for me. Immediately gets defensive and told me if I need to go then come back I should. I told him if I go then I'm not coming back. He then says "fine go, I'm not forcing you to be here." Then I start walking toward the door then he runs over to block it asking me not to leave... shortly after one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. Afterwards I just start crying like a fool. He comes over gives me a hug and apologizes for not making time. He offered to cancel all his appointments for me but I told him not to as I had to go back to work. He walked me to my car and I sped off without a word. When I arrived back in office I see this huge bouquet from him saying he's sorry. Now I don't know what to do again.

See if he makes the necessary changes but keep your guard up somewhat until you see where he is going with this. He very well could love you enough to make changes. Just make sure they are for real lasting changes and not just enough to get you hooked back on him.

I don't want to be unreasonable here but if you can't spend any time with me whatsoever then please tell me so. I have too many other issues dealing with then to hold on to a neglectful boyfriend.

Its not unreasonable at all, his actions are.

This is unacceptable, and his avoiding me after I get stood up is just making matters worse for him... please somebody help me decide what to do because I just about ready to give up.
KICK HIM TO THE CURB, and move ahead with your life and stop wasting your time on a flake who is in a hurry to go NOWHERE.

You said it yourself. Actions speak louder than words. See what his actions tell you. If he keeps up the attention, that's one thing, but if he starts to put you at anything besides number 1 on his list of priorities, that is SO telling. Good luck.

I'll take the laid back approach for now, if he wants me he will find me. Already today he called me several times and wants to have dinner so I wonder how long it will last.

This is what dating is for, to find out about each other and if you have things in common.
You are finding out what is important to him, you need to pay attention to this.

I need to know that I am doing the right thing. My boyfriend and I have been on one hell of a roller coaster ride and I'm ready to get off. Yesterday was the last straw. I got a flat tire and I made the horrible mistake on calling him, he got so angry with me then he hung up the phone. He arrived in 10 minutes and boy was he pissed. So I asked him why he was so angry but he didn't answer until I asked him the third time, then he bit my head off and said I wasn't the problem. There was so much tension. I asked him to stop and I will manage but he got angrier and told me stop making trouble. The moment he was finished I drove off.
Later that night he called to apologize saying he was under a lot of stress and still is. There are too many inconsistencies in our relationship! One minute he is sooo in love wants marriage, kids the works. Another time he is moody and stressed out. I have stress too but I wouldn't take it out on him.
I really love this man but I feel like there is no other choice but to call it quits, am I doing the right thing here?

No one can tell you what the right thing to do is. A lot of girls I know have had to call me to fix there car when it breaks down because their boyfriends won't come and do it. I'm not sticking up for him at all, but you mean to tell me you don't ever get angry when it's that time of the month?

Also, if this is the main thing, perhaps he just had a bad day? Maybe? And he did show up in 10 minutes despite the fact he was having a bad day.

--Cali

I read your other posts and it seems you kill yourself whether you should leave all the time. If you're sick of this ride, then leave. You are capable of making this decision because it seems this will always happen or come up. Is he still working 2 jobs to pay his debt and father medical bills? If his father is ill, then it can be eating him up and maybe he don't know how to express that. Sometimes when I am stress it turns into anger and I get frustrated easily but I learned to change that and he should do the same.

If your unhappy then go, but I think your both need better communication. It seems to be the only thing lacking unless you forgot to mention something else.

I read your other posts and it seems you kill yourself whether or not you should leave all the time. If you're sick of this ride, then leave. You are capable of making this decision because it seems this will always happen or come up. Is he still working 2 jobs to pay his debt and father medical bills? If his father is ill, then it can be eating him up and maybe he don't know how to express that. Sometimes when I am stress it turns into anger and I get frustrated easily but I learned to change that and he should do the same.

If your unhappy then go, but I think your both need better communication. It seems to be the only thing lacking unless you forgot to mention something else.

His father passed away in April so that's not what he is fussing about. He has a lot of things going on mainly because he needs to RELAX every once in a while. Is his desire to make money so strong that he is losing focus? This situation is unfortunate because he really is a nice guy, that's why its so hard for me to decide what to do. I'm miserable with him and miserable without him.

No one can tell you what the right thing to do is. A lot of girls I know have had to call me to fix there car when it breaks down because their boyfriends won't come and do it. I'm not sticking up for him at all, but you mean to tell me you don't ever get angry when it's that time of the month?


Romesfalls19 I always appreciate your advice, you do not sugar coat you just tell it like it is. But sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by all the things going on between us that I have gotten very sensative when it comes to him. I used to consider myself a strong person but now I'm turning into a cry baby and I'm at lost. This is his second blow up for the week, how many more am I to expect?

Sit him down and have a calm rational conversation with him about how you are feeling and how you feel he is lashing out at you all the time. The trick here to keep it civil is do not make it seem like you are attacking him but rather informing him of how he feels. If you come off as attacking him you will be met with equal resistance as he will feel the need to defend himself aggressively. Please keep us all informed of what you decide

Your best bet is an old trick that I use with my husband. When he has been in a "mood" for a few days, I have him a hot bath made with candles lit ready when he gets home. I make his favorite dinner and give him a shoulder and neck rub after he's done eating. While doing this I talk softly to him ask him if anything is bothering him. Believe it or not it works. He starts pouring out all the things that are bothering him and what is causing him to be so frustrated. If I don't get him relaxed then he clams up and hangs out in the garage by himself all night. He will snap at me when I ask him simple questions or requests. I have my mood swings too but I have learned to deal with them in my own way. Get your man relaxed and try to talk to him. If he doesn't want to at least talk out your problems, its time to take a break.

Your best bet is an old trick that I use with my husband. When he has been in a "mood" for a few days, I have him a hot bath made with candles lit ready when he gets home. I make his favorite dinner and give him a shoulder and neck rub after he's done eating. While doing this I talk softly to him ask him if anything is bothering him. Believe it or not it works. He starts pouring out all the things that are bothering him and what is causing him to be so frustrated. If I don't get him relaxed then he clams up and hangs out in the garage by himself all night. He will snap at me when I ask him simple questions or requests. I have my mood swings too but I have learned to deal with them in my own way. Get your man relaxed and try to talk to him. If he doesn't want to at least talk out your problems, its time to take a break.

Trying to get him to come over by me is a trick in itself

Talaniman's responses to previous posts.


Don't give the person you dumped any false hope, with that friends crap. Let the guy get over you. If you care as you say.

Stick by your guns, if he can't handle the heat, get him out of the kitchen. There may be no easy way of doing this, but honesty is best.

If it ain't no fun now, I doubt if marriage will help!

KICK HIM TO THE CURB, and move ahead with your life and stop wasting your time on a flake who is in a hurry to go NOWHERE.




By Lovelee,
This is his second blow up for the week, how many more am I to expect?


As long as you stay together. You two don't communicate well, and don't work together at all. Its hard, but you can make it better by leaving him alone.

Trying to get him to come over by me is a trick in itself


So your saying he doesn't even want to be around you? And why are you still with him? There are plenty of men out there that will treat you better than your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to communicate and work things out, then he is pretty much putting an end to the relationship himself.

Talaniman's responses to previous posts.




As long as you stay together. You two don't communicate well, and don't work together at all. Its hard, but you can make it better by leaving him alone.


I know communication is bad, I talk and talk but he doesn't seem to listen this is just so depressing I can hardly function.

[QUOTE=margarita_momma]So your saying he doesn't even want to be around you? And why are you still with him? There are plenty of men out there that will treat you better than your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to communicate and work things out, then he is pretty much putting an end to the relationship himself.[/QUOTE

Its so frustrating but my boyfriend is so caught up in making money that he hardly has time for himself. When he realizes that I'm going to end things he's all sweet, but like I said too many inconsistencies.

Its so frustrating but my boyfriend is so caught up in making money that he hardly has time for himself. When he realizes that I'm going to end things he's all sweet, but like I said too many inconsistencies.[/QUOTE]

If he is only sweet to you when he thinks you're going to leave, then there is a big problem. Apparently money is more important to him right now than being in a loving, happy relationship with you. Maybe he needs a wake-up call. Leave him. Give it a little while and see if things change. If they don't and he still doesn't seem to care, then its time to move on. Don't stay in a relationship that you are miserable in. Happiness is so easy to achieve when its with the right person. If you are not happy, things either need to change or your need to change men! ;)

This sounds too close to home. MAKE HIM LISTEN TO YOU, Tell him how its destroying your love for him, otherwise he will regret, big time.

Well just a few minutes ago we had a huge fight over the phone. Apparently he was calling me on my cell phone while I was driving but I honestly didn't hear it as it was on vibrate, then when I got home he accused me of deliberately not answering it. He told me he had my spear tire, but I just told him to keep it and that I'll get another one. Then we started yelling at each other, it was a mess. I told him that I am sick and tired of chasing him and he kept shouting "I love you too" but in a sarcastic "I want to get off the phone way". Then I hung up on him. Now here I am as angry and hurt as ever, he wouldn't even let me talk! This is not how I wanted things to end, I wanted to do this face to face but these days I'm an emotional wreck. I hate him and I want nothing more to do with him ever!

I hate him and I want nothing more to do with him ever!

See how you feel in a week without him being in your life.

Two co-workers think I'm wrong and should apologize.

So what??

Who cares what others think? By any chance is your heart in their chest? Do they feel the pain that you are currently going through?

Your co-workers are not on the emotional roller coaster that you are on with him. And honestly, your relationship is none of their business. If they were true friends, they would see how this is really effecting you and give you better advice than to tell you to stay with a guy who is driving you crazy.

I didn't listen to my co-workers, anyway it wasn't even necessary because he called the next day like normal and asked that I never bring up the flat tire incident ever because it was not his best moment.

It was mentioned earlier that communication is key to a successful relationship... well that is so true. My boyfriend has been cranky lately and after literally forcing it out of him he finally told me why. Now that I know we can hopefully move forward and try to make it work. We spent the whole day together talking, I appreciated that he opened up to me finally which is a huge step for him because he is so macho and does not like being vulnerable.

A couple of weeks ago I have been having been trying to get my man to spend more time with me, he has been a complete workaholic and it has been wrecking havoc on our relationship. So I decided to give him space... a lot of space, I started calling a lot less and I stopped nagging him to spend time with me. But I guess I got a little too comfortable with it. He started calling me every minute! He would ask me to come over or want to come over by me. Lately I have been hanging out with some of my co-workers, we've been going out and having a grand ole time'. So he calls me Sunday morning and I was still groggy (we came home around 2:30 a.m) and asked me if I went out last night. I told him that I did and he instantly got very insecure, wanting to know if it was with another man and how I should have let him know I was going out. I told him it was with my good friend (female) and we had a girls night out and after I was finally able to calm him down. This evening he calls very upset telling me that I don't care about him anymore, I don't call, don't desire to spend any time with him and told me if I want out of the relationship let him know. A week ago he told me that whatever I have to say he can take it, yet when I was started to tell him how its not going well for us he tells me that he is sorry and wants to spend time with me. Earlier he wanted lunch with me, I brushed him off, this evening he wanted me to come over and I brushed him off again. I want him to realize that I am not always going to be available. He sounded very hurt and I felt bad, but I am a firm believer in tough love and now he knows what I was going through and it hurts like hell.
Now the problem is, all the neglect that I felt really got me re-evaluating this relationship. I told him early in the relationship that one thing I hate is to be taken for granted and he did it over and over again. At first I would crave him, but then it will fizzle right down. All of a sudden he has time for me. Is it the fear of losing me? Or is it his ego that has him going crazy?

Any thoughts?

This sounds a bit immature.

I mean this is a lot of contingincies and testing...

How old are you two?

I think a little healthy space is good, but clearly when either one wanders too far the other is not happy... SOOOO you need work on that... sparks fly when you make the other one want you, and that is fun for a while, but it also wears you out.

So, compromise. Go out but leave cell phone on to be reached or make a plan.

I think you have now got his full attention but my advice would be to have an honest conversation with him as to what you believe is wrong in the relationship and not go on playing games with him, and if you still feel you need your space then that's fine but let him know the real reason you need your space and not let him believe that there might be someone else. I know you felt neglected and like you were taken for granted but sometimes it is really hard for someone to understand what they are doing wrong until it is too late. I went through a similar situation were for 1.5 months I had to work ridiculous hours so although I talked to my girlfriend over the phone and texts constantly she felt neglected and started going out and having a great time with her workmates on the internship she was doing. I really trusted her and was happy that at least she was having a good time but she obviously perceived it as neglect and as a lack of interest. The result is that although she was the one saying how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and how I was the love of her life, she though I was not interested in her anymore and felt right to cheat on me and start dating a guy from work. So if you are still interested in being with him I suggest you do both of you a favor and talk this through with him before it is too late.

This is a frustrating situation lately... During the first few months of our relationship he would always say things like, "oh I'm not one of those men who tells my woman what to do or where to go, she is free to go whereever she wants and I wouldn't have a problem." I've soon come to realize that it was a load of crap. My ex-boyfriend would text me about once every three months but I don't ever respond. One time I got a text from him in the presence of my boyfriend and he almost flipped his lid, telling me if I want to be with him I can go and how can I betray him like that. After several minutes of convinving the beast that it was innocent even telling him that I would call him back right then and there and tell him to leave me alone, he finally calmed down but he was still harping on it several days later. Every time I go out now he is asking all sorts of questions; "where are you going", "how long will you be there", then told me he believes I'm going out with another man. I don't know why he became so untrusting, I never gave him a reason to distrust me. I thought he was so confident but apparently he's not. He keeps mentioning how his ex did him wrong, she cheated he took her back then she cheated again, now he thinks every woman will cheat. The other day he told me how beautiful I am and he bets a lot of men approach me. I told him it doesn't matter how many men approach me as long as stay true to him. If I miss his calls he starts telling me I must be out with another man or I'm going to leave him for someone else, if I go out with friends he thinks that's a lie too. Last night my sister invited me for some drinks with a few mutral friends. During that time my boyfriend calls my cell phone, I had to go in my car to answer it because if he heard the band in the background that would be another fight. So a few minutes later he calls back at this time its more quiet, asks me what I was up to, I said nothing much then hurried off the phone. I can't believe I couldn't tell him where I was. He's making me feel guilty for something I'm not doing! I'm seeing his very controlling nature now and I don't like it. How many times have I told this man that I am faithful, he tells me he believes me then turns around and accuse me of cheating. He is pretty anxious to marry me but I don't know if I want the kind of husband who would keep me under lock and key. He really does have fine qualities but this jealousy and insecurity are BIG issues with me.

Lovelee, I am the kind of guy you are talking about, I will do fine until something I find fishy comes up. I am getting help with those issues. The thing is to tell him and help him change. Don't lie about anything you do but don't allow him to control your actions. If you want to go out with the girls go, if you want to doing anything do it. Just explain it to him, if he really loves you he will try and do better but it will not be overnight. My problem was fear and that could be his, he has let you into a place few people ever get to see in him and now he could be afriad that you will abuse it. The point is you have to weigh if he is worth the trouble. If not just wash your hands of him and don't have any contact with him. That are the only two options I see. You sound like your are at the end of your rope and I would stress to let this one go, but it is up to you and he may be a great guy if he is tell him and work on it as a couple. He needs help with this. Just think it out fully and decide what you want and then go from there.
I hope this helped and Good Luck.

So why are you putting up with his bad behavior? Are his good qualities THAT good?

Sadly it seems as though he is carrying his old problems into your relationship. I don't see him changing without getting some type of help from a therapist to overcome these issues, I suffered from the same things he is. Give him a choice for your own benefit, either he seeks out counseling or you walk because it will only get worse farther down the road.

Sadly it seems as though he is carrying his old problems into your relationship. I don't see him changing without getting some type of help from a therapist to overcome these issues, I suffered from the same things he is. Give him a choice for your own benefit, either he seeks out counseling or you walk because it will only get worse farther down the road.

He thinks that there is no problem but clearly there is. How did you overcome your trust issues?

I went through therapy, countless sessions, 3 times a week for 2 months, read a lot of books on the subject. I still struggle with jealousy every day, but I just have learned how to deal with it. Like if something starts to upset me, I write it down and come back to it in about an hour and see if it still upsets me. If so, I approach my fiancé and we discuss it, it accomplishes two things, first I will know if its for a valid reason, 9/10 times it's not and I know it. But if it is, it gives me times to cool down so I can talk to her, rather than attack her.

I have been with this man for almost a year, we certainly had our share of ups and downs but we manage to stay together. Sometime ago I posted that my boyfriend is untrusting of me, there were small improvements made but that was only temporary. Now he is more jealous then ever. THe other night he called my home and cell phone number a total of 15 times in the space of 40 minutes! My neighbor (a woman) invited me over to see her new furniture and honestly didn't hear the phone ring. Well when I got back inside I was greeted with angry text messages saying how he knows that I have been talking to some guy. I called him back and before I could say anything he barked; "where were you!!" I told him where I was but he was adament that I was hanging out with some guy. Of course I tried to defend my position but I couldn't, he was yelling at me and calling me a liar and how nothing I say is going to make him believe me. Yes I knew he was jealous but this was ridiculous. When he finally gave me a chance to speak I told him if he can't trust me he can leave, then changed his tone a bit telling me that he trust me but believes I've been hanging out with another man this one particular time.
I think he is paranoid because of his guilt that he doesn't spend much time with me, so he figured that I must be talking to another guy to pass time, but I have been completely faithful to him. This angers me because he's accusing me of something I'm not doing or am I interested in anyone else.
The question is, how do I convince him that I am faithful?

No matter what you say or no his jealous behavior will always be there. He need to seek help for it because jealousy can lead into a bigger problem and sooner or later your going get sick it.

Has he ever been cheated on in the past or cheated on someone or maybe he is guilty of something himself?

This is very unhealty.

Hunnie, he sounds over bearing. I don't know your situation completely but if my guy was calling me all the time and fully set on the fact that I was with some guy... when I wasn't, I'd run. Maybe you're getting a glimpse of your future. Like I said, I don't know your situation completely but if I were you I'd find someone who has faith in you AND respects your space, you deserve to be respected and have friends of any gender you want. I had a boyfriend who wouldn't let me talk to my best friend, who was a guy... I immediately left him.

When he finally gave me a chance to speak I told him if he can't trust me he can leave, then changed his tone a bit...
See, you're already there. You know how to handle this.


... he trust me, but believes I've been hanging out with another man this one particular time. I think he is paranoid...
That's a really funny statement. "I believe you, but you're a liar." Seriously, who writes this stuff? His brain came up with that? Wow... fortunately, I KNOW you spotted the crazy, right?


how do I convince him that I am faithful?Oh, that's easy. You don't. Not a single word will help. All you can do to have ANY effect on him is time your departure to coincide with his crazy talk.

HIM: "Where were you!?!?!?"
YOU: "Um, hello? Sorry, I was calling to talk to my nice boyfriend. Is he home?"
HIM: "I know you were talking to some guy. Don't lie to me."
YOU: "Uh....well, if my nice boyfriend comes home, let him know I called. Bye."

Later, when you finally realize this isn't going to get better, you time your final departure the same way.

HIM: "I know you're talking to guys behind my back. I can't believe you!"
YOU: "OK. I'm done. Don't call me anymore, you win, I'm off to find a sane guy to give my time to. You're an idiot."

Jealousy can't be cured head on. It can only be punished. Extreme punishment is the only real cure for extreme cases. If you leave him, and his next girlfriend does it too, maybe 3 or 4 girlfriends from now he'll finally figure this out.

I'm sorry for your situation.

In addition to what others have said (and I totally agree) you know what they say about someone accusing you of cheating, sometimes it means they themselves are cheating.

I have been there myself. My first relationship I was always worried about my girl cheating on me. It stems from inexperience and low self confidence. What worked for me was my friends just calming me down and basically saying, "Quit acting like a b****" if you know what I mean. Doesn't he have any guy friends to talk some sense into him? Over time he will get over it, but believe me it takes awhile.

I really don't think he is cheating. His last girlfriend cheated on him after swearing up and down that she would never do such a thing, he took her back and she cheated again which according to him left him totally devastated. I keep telling him he can't punish future relationships because you've been cheated on, who hasn't? Point is we cut our losses and move on. My sister just brought me a ticket to go to a show with her and hearing that he asked me what guy am I going out with.

I have been there myself. My first relationship I was always worried about my girl cheating on me. It stems from inexperience and low self confidence. What worked for me was my friends just calming me down and basically saying, "Quit acting like a b****" if you know what I mean. Doesn't he have any guy friends to talk some sense into him? Over time he will get over it, but believe me it takes awhile.

From what I've heard his male friends don't know anything about his insecurities, he told one of them that I am a good woman. Funny, why can't he tell me that?

He needs to talk to a counselor if he's not already. It sounds like he needs to hear from someone other than you, that it's unfair to accuse someone of cheating when there is nothing going on. Have you told him that this behavior is just going to push you away? I wouldn't stand for that crap. I would be like "we either need to get someone involved that can help us through this or we need to move on." How tiring it must get for you to constantly defend yourself.

I talk about everything with my male friends, I mean nothing is out of bounds. He cannot get advice from a women about this! This is an issue that a lot of men deal with and he needs to talk to his friends! If his friends are as bad as he is about it, then yeah, seek cousneling. If he isn't telling you that you are a good women, then he has some other issues as well. In my mind he thinks he doesn't deserve you and is looking for some kind of magical way of finding that out. (i.e. by you cheating on him, thus validating his thoughts)

I talk about everything with my male friends, I mean nothing is out of bounds. He cannot get advice from a women about this! This is an issue that a lot of men deal with and he needs to talk to his friends! If his friends are as bad as he is about it, then yeah, seek cousneling. If he isn't telling you that you are a good women, then he has some other issues as well. In my mind he thinks he doesn't deserve you and is looking for some kind of magical way of finding that out. (i.e. by you cheating on him, thus validating his thoughts)

I am in counselling right now but he doesn't know it, I can't picture him pouring out his heart to a therapist because he is a very private person.

Well, I saw a therapist for this a long time ago. My first relationship (just ended) was with a girl who went to a different college than I did. Obviously we had our share of fights. Never once cheated on each other. However, my counseling helped me a lot and I believe really saved the relationships a bit. It is worth it. I am a private person too, but sometimes you have to handle your faults, even if that means getting help.

This is his problem to deal, with not yours, and he should be doing what ever it takes to overcome his issues.

If he isn't trying to help himself there is nothing to do but REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION, as it won't get better on its own.

I have been there myself. My first relationship I was always worried about my girl cheating on me. It stems from inexperience and low self confidence. What worked for me was my friends just calming me down and basically saying, "Quit acting like a b****" if you know what I mean. Doesn't he have any guy friends to talk some sense into him? Over time he will get over it, but believe me it takes awhile.

God I hope so because I am going through the same thing

This is his problem to deal, with not yours, and he should be doing what ever it takes to overcome his issues.

If he isn't trying to help himself there is nothing to do but REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION, as it wont get better on its own.

As crazy as it sounds, he doesn't think there's a problem.

So these past couple of months have been really bad for me personally because I had problems at work. My boyfriend was very understanding and I poured my heart out to him on many occasions and he had been my rock basically. Two weeks ago I went to visit my brother for a week and we spoke on the phone everyday, he told me how lucky he is and I reassured him of my love. I have been back for nine days. He spent the night at my house the day after I came back and it was wonderful. I lost my job and everything just went downhill from there. Last Friday night I was in his area so I called and asked him if I can come by, he told me that he is leaving soon to be in my area soon so order dinner for when he comes. He never showed up. I called him and he didn't answer his phone. So the next morning I called him and immediately he apologizes saying how he fell asleep but I wasn't hearing it, we had a little fight and hung up angry with each other. The next few days after that we barely spoke to each other. He knows I don't work now and I must be depressed about it and he offered very little emotional support. Things still were OK with us... until last night. He called me and we had a nice enough conversation. Then he tells me he will get a bite to eat then call me back. So I send a nice little text saying how I need to be sleeping in his arms. He calls back in 10 minutes and didn't mention it. I wasn't going to because I just viewed it as a brush off. This was bad considering how we so badly needed to reconnect. I sent him an angry text shortly before I went to bed. Then he calls me back at to a.m. but I was too tired to answer. He called back around 7:45 am this morning, I answered but he said he would call back when I awoke. The whole day went by that I waited, no call. So at 3 oclock I texted him that it is over and haven't heard from him since. I know I was hasty but I guess everything that has happened caused me to snap. Losing my job was very devastating to me but it's no excuse for the way I reacted. Now I'm afraid to call him because he don't know how he would respond to me. Have I lost him forever?

Hmmm... similar thing happened to my girlfriend... Check it...

Yes, you are devastated that you lost your job and you feel bad about it, and your boyfriend has been there for you, which is nice. He is trying his best to be strong for you have help you out, but sometimes it can get a little hard for him, so cut him some slack sometime and give him a break. Try to understand things from his point of view sometimes and don't be so quick to break up.

My girlfriend lost her job too, and I've been helping her for more than a year, dealing with her depression, her anger, helping her cope with things and trying to make things better. Sometimes when she is really angry she will just blame things on me, and I get angry at that too, then she breaks up with me... I know she doesn't mean to and she regrets it in a few hours and comes back to me, but whateva is going on with her, takes a toll on me, and I'm sure it's the same with your boyfriend.

In my opinion, you haven't lost him. He knows you are going through a hard time, and he is trying to be there for you, so go back to him, apologise and try to make things right. Show him that you appreciate him and everything he has done for you. Show him how much it means to you to have him around and next time, try not to break up with him so easily. I know its hard for you to control your emotions when you feel the way you do, but for your sake and his, please just try.

Good luck. Peace

Thanks BlackVY, I know I should apologize but every time I pick up the phone I end up hanging it right back up.

Hmmm.. something my girlfriend has done on one of your many breakups... took her 2 days to come back to me once. Partly it was because she was ashamed of herself, another part was because she was waiting for me to call her.

My suggestion is you decide for yourself if you want him back or not... if you do, be strong, pick up the phone and call him. If not, don't call him and let him go for good... You are the only one who can make this choice...

Yea sounds like your stressed out maybe you shld call him and tell him everything you told us and think about if you want to be with him while you are so stressed out maybe you just need to get back on the right track and then talk about being together. But I do believe he shld be supporting you while your down so maybe you shld apologize and get back together and let him know you wre just stressed out .


I don't think you should take it out on him though if you want him to be there for you just tell him be like honey I'm really stressed out right now and I would love it if you would come stay the night with me and we can watch a movie because more than anything I need your support and it makes me more stressed when you don't come over when you say you will.

I agree

But the last part sounds as though you may be getting into a fight again

and it makes me more stressed when you don't come over when u say you will.

Here's the idea
Without any anger at all (whatever your situation)
Call up and say, how you honestly feel, and what you would like (by the way, only nice things)
Then leave it with him
All done
If you feel you are going to get stressed or upset, then say you need to go because you're still upset with the situation (not at him of course)

That's it
He's probably hoping you'll calm down!
No guy likes an angry girl

Hopefully he'll think you were just going through a bad time, and you're not like this all the time

Very well put kim. It may cause an argument but she needs to let him know that when he does that it makes her even more stressed and he should be willing to understand that. And she as well needs to understand that he can't always be there but when he says he will he needs to be. And maybe he did fall asleep and after she states that he needs to be here when he says he will he will reply with but I fell asleep and I apologized she can react by saying I know and I'm sorry for being so angry with you just next time promise you will be here. And then... they kiss lol

Relationships aren't that hard its all about communication , trust, understanding and compromise, and most of all its about growing together.

Good point, don't assume anything
Say sorry for being angry at someone you feel for
Then without getting angry again, ask if there's still hope or not

Count to 10 before replying to his frustration at you

Oh I agree he should be more understanding and all
Hopefully it all comes out good
Good luck :rolleyes:
Don't forget to reply with the conversation (and your calm words ;) )

He called me a few minutes ago and boy was he mad! He told me that I should stop thinking so badly about him. The conversation went something like this:

Him: What is your problem? (didn't give me a chance to answer the question). Do you know how incredibly busy I was today? I had clients all day and didn't have a chance to call you. Why couldn't you pick up the phone and call me? You're the one with all that free time.

Me: You think I like not working? (getting a little pissed).

Him: No baby that's not what I meant. I mean that you are in a better position to call me more.

Me: Your always busy when I call you.

Him: Lame excuse. Thanks to your text I couldn't concentrate on my work. I was very depressed about it, you damn well know I love you and don't want to lose you but if that's what you want.

Me: No, that's what you want.

Him: You know I don't want that. Let me call you back when I cool off because you just spoiled my whole day with this breaking up nonsense. Bye

He called back a little while after that much more mellow and loving as usual. I aplogised and he gladly forgave.

I will try not to take out my frustrations on him in the future.

He called back a little while after that much more mellow and loving as usual. I aplogised and he gladly forgave.

I will try not to take out my frustrations on him in the future.

EXCELLENT!!

Good stuff... that's what I like to hear... now keep to your word... its not easy to act right when you are angry or upset, but calm down, take a deep breath and then act... always think before you do anything... sounds like you and your man will be just fine... he really loves you... and you really love him... so all the best

Take care... Peace :)

That's good you guys are getting somewhere now just make sure that you don't lash out on him anymore and make sure he promises to be there when he says he will be. Good luck and he truly sounds like he loves you. But at the same time he is also trying to make you feel bad don't let him do that to you too often or he will always get his way. But I can see that he is probably very upset about the break up situation. Just make sure he understand how you feel too as well as you need to understand how he feels and how busy he can be and he can't always call you.

Please read kitten420's reply slowly
Geez if you weren't getting back together, I'd tell him to shove it
Hopefully this angry response is a once only, I couldn't live with that

Expect flowers! Nothing less

Lol kim why do you have to read it slowly?

but at the same time he is also trying to make you feel bad dont let him do that to you too often or he will always get his way.
Here's what you say
"Thanks honey love you"
Then after hanging up...
Ar$3 H0le!

:p

Lol that's halerious

Actually I think I do that to my boyfriend all the time lol j/k

Ah huh!
New it ;)

Yes we'll get along :)

Doh!

Where's edit on these posts Knew

Yea your good peoples kim you make me giggle.

I think we have one right next to rate this user lol

No
No edit there

Anyway Lovelee, can you please comment?

How do you feel now anyway?

No
No edit there

Anyway Lovelee, can you please comment?

How do you feel now anyway?

I'll take responsibility for this one because it was uncalled for. I still need his support to get me through this.

No
No edit there


You need to be a member for a certain amount of time kim before you are able to Edit , I think it's 48 hours.

Ever have a fight with your mate where harsh words were said, and a lot of yelling took place? For me there is this excrutiating silence and discomfort of trying to get things back to normal. To be more specific when your on the phone and there is a long pause where no words are said just heavy breathing and clearing throats. Could be embaressment could be your still a little hurt.

Let's hear some comments, how do you feel after a fight?

Well that is true of most people. Phone fights are silly I find.

Fighting and shouting. Is silly anyway. Because no one gets a word in. and
Once harsh words and petty name calling comes into play.. Nah.

What I do. If one of my girlfriends did that.
I normaly say going out for a drive ring me when you calmed down.


I think most people feel upset or hurt. Or frustraded.

We don't fight, we just wait for the emotional dust to settle, and go about the business of just being together.

The trick is to temper your reaction with good common sense, and don't react when the sense is not so common. Knowing when to just shut up, helped us both.

Never be afraid to say your sorry, as that's a good start for starting over.

Took an awful lot of practice though. Still ironing out the kinks.

Never be afraid to say your sorry, as thats a good start for starting over.



That's what I was going to say. Just be the bigger person and say sorry first if it hasn't already been said.

After a stupid, meaningless argument, sorry is the best word.

Always say you understand how they feel.

Well that is true of most people. Phone fights are silly i find.

Fighting and shouting. is silly anyway. because no one gets a word in. and
once harsh words and petty name calling comes into play.. Nah.

What i do. if one of my girlfriends did that.
i normaly say going out for a drive ring me when you calmed down.


i think most people feel upset or hurt. or frustraded.

Fighting over the phone is sillly but sometimes it can't be helped. When my boyfriend gets bold and starts shouting in the phone I usually answer in kind. I know I should be the bigger person but he can infuriate me sometimes. After a fight when things have simmered down and you talk on the phone is when the discomfort is not during the fight.

Ok my boyfriend and I have been on very rocky ground lately but he reassures me everyday that he wants to be with me. He has been working constantly these last couple of weeks and we barely see each other as a result. I have tried very hard to be understanding and patient and decided that I love him too much to let him get away. Yesterday we finally were able to have a conversation without arguing and things were going good.
He told me that he would be out on business for a few hours today but assured me that he would be back by noon. Needless to say that was hours ago and I've tried to call him but his phone is turned off and I cannot reach him, and he certainly hasn't called me. My first impulse is to worry about him wondering if he is okay but now I'm getting paranoid thinking he is fine and possibly with someone else. Why else would his phone be off and he not call me? He should have been back hours ago but he isn't.
I don't know what to think. Whatever he had to do shouldn't have taken so long and I'm afraid I'm being taken for a fool. It will piss me off to know that he went to spend time with another woman after knowing he doesn't spend much of it with me. This will mean that all the things he told me about wanting me in his life, wanting marriage, kids and a future was one big lie and that our whole relationship is based on a lie. It would mean that he is hypocritical accusing me of seeing other men while he is the one cheating.
I don't want to have these thoughts but as it gets later and later I'm thinking more and more that he is up to no good. He knows I have zero tolerance for a cheater. If that is the case we will not be together. Will he risk what we have for a woman who he is willing to make time for and not make time for me? Which will be the ultimate slap in the face? I need to hear reasoning here. I need the very wise opinions of this board. Am I overreacting?

OK shhhhh

You are spinning off into a world of thought..

Calm down and come back down to earth..
There could be many reasons he has not been able to contact you

Good! That you don't stand for cheaters you should not!

Wiat for the facts. Wait until he rings you.
Then.. in a calm way you can tell him that you was worried about him.

But don't get on the phone screaming where the hell was you and are you cheating on me.

Many people work a lot over the holidays
I myself am working crazy hours
And I don't always get time to phone my girlfriend.
And I'm not sure as to what his job is. But sometimes when we are in a meeting. We have to turn our phones off
And 9 times out of 10 I forget to turn it back on.

So again many reasons.

You guys have had a rocky past. And it seems like you are both still willing to work at the relationship
So talk more when you get the time.

Don't let your thoughts drag you down or lead you onto a path with no facts

All the best

You might be over reacting. There have been times that my fiancé felt this way when he couldn't get a hold of me but it was due to my phone dying. The other difference between me and your boyfriend is that I would find a way to call him but there have been times when I was traveling and had to wait hours to get to a phone.

But I not too should about your boyfriend because I don't know your history with one another. I'll read some of your other posts.

Until you know what's up why all these wild thoughts and speculations? I know your worried but relax, breath.

This morning he calls my cellphone but I was asleep. I called him back and he told me that he didn't get what he wanted and ended up overnighting in a hotel and that he didn't have access to a phone. So I got bothered by this and told him that I don't believe him. He of course got angry and told me that I am overreacting. He says I am looking for a reason to break up with him and swore up and down that what he said happened was true but I'm having a hard time buying any of it. My therapist told me to calm down and not to be so confrontational but it's very hard for me not to be. I'm a strong believer in tough love so this is killing me not knowing if he is telling the truth or not.

What Hotel did he end up at that doesn't have a phone? Not trying to contribute to your overreacting, but let's be honest...

EXCATLY! This is the load of crap he is trying to feed me and I'm supposed to be gullible enough to buy it.

If you cannot trust him in your heart why do you stay? Throwing accusations only makes things worse. When you believe the worst that's what you will get. You need to apologize for acting a little psycho--tell him you were worried sick, after all he could have been in an accident. Continuing to behave in the manner you have chosen is going to drive him away from you. You need to open the lines of communication and let him know how you feel without using an accusatory tone.

A relationship without communication and trust is no relationship at all.
Ber

If you cannot trust him in your heart why do you stay? Throwing accusations only makes things worse. When you believe the worst that's what you will get. You need to apologize for acting a little psycho--tell him you were worried sick, after all he could have been in an accident. Continuing to behave in the manner you have chosen is going to drive him away from you. You need to open the lines of communication and let him know how you feel without using an accusatory tone.

A relationship without communication and trust is no relationship at all.
Ber

I stay because I love him and never had a reason to distrust him in the past. I wasn't psycho by the way I just want to make sure I'm not being taken for a fool. Why do I stay with him? Well just before he left I told him that things aren't working out between us but he refused to accept it. I'm really trying here but he knows that things weren't too good before this incident and it just made matters worse.

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3483182)

I am trying to figure out what your both holding onto in this short, stormy relationship??

I bet its intense all the time, good or bad!!

If you have to wonder then he is not showing you the love and respect you should have in a fulfilling relationship. MOVE ON... All hotels have phones, and if you just had the (it's not working out) conversation, then he should have made a point of getting in touch with you. MOVE ON!!

Trust is key. Even if he isn't doing anything wrong, you have to ask yourself, do I trust him. Forget What your upset about now. Think of everything you have been through, all the times this may have happened, everything! Even if a lie detector test proved he is telling the truth, would you be able to trust him in the future about all of this, If you can't trust him, and believe in your heart you cant, then maybe you should let him go as to not drive yourself crazy with worry and hurt him. Think abou tlater on, will this happen again? Will I be worried like this in the future? If the answer is yes, then there are something's you may want to reconsider.

Maybe you need to move out and move on with your life. From your posts so far I see nothing positive coming out of this relationship except more of the same.

Every time we argue my boyfriend brings up my past relationships. How they were not real men, and how they didn't love me the way he does. The very funny part about this is I never once spoke to him on any of my exes. He would ask questions but I don't give him any information whatsoever. All he knows is that exes exist. Yet he keeps telling me about how awful they were. One time I told him that he doesn't even know them so stop talking about them. Then he got defensive and told me that I am defending them. I'm not, I just think he should talk things that he knows. I don't talk or assume I know about his exes nor do I really care, he is with me and that's all that matters.

I don't give him any ammunition to use against me, so I don't talk about any past relationships to any boyfriend! I don't think he should talk about someone he doesn't have a clue about its just nonsense. My ex boyfriend happens to be one of the nicest men I've ever met, it just didn't work out, we even ended on good terms and I know he loved me and probably still does so my current boyfriend has no right to bad talk people he doesn't know its annoying me and he is only making himself look bad.

Question is, how do I shut him up about it already?

Have you told him what you just wrote to us... Telling him that this behavior annoys you and is pushes you away could be a deterrent...

I think your approach to exes is the health one. It doesn't make sense to compare to other people or say that they were the problem in the relationship. Next time he brings them up rather than argue in their defense would it work to thank him for the vote of confidence. To say that they are awful makes them the reason the relationship didn't work not you. I wonder what his response would be then?

He seems way too insecure for his own good. He uses your ex boyfriends as a justification to make himself feel better. Northern is also absolutely correct... communicate with him and tell him how you feel, otherwise he will keep pushing and pushing.

I don't know what kind of arguments you guys have, but do your past relationships even relate to the arguments? If he brings this stuff up out of nowhere, maybe there's something bothering him.

Well... I guess that his point is that he cares about you the most and he doesn`t want to lose you... Maybe there is something bothering him, I really don`t have much information about it.. he might even be a little jealous.. But my guess is that he wants to let you know how much he loves you =)

I don't know what kind of arguments you guys have, but do your past relationships even relate to the arguments? If he brings this stuff up out of nowhere, maybe there's something bothering him.

No, they don't really relate to what we argue about.

Are you his first real girlfriend? I make it a point not to talk about or bring up someone's ex if I date them... just seems in poor taste to me.

Are you his first real girlfriend? I make it a point not to talk about or bring up someone's ex if I date them...just seems in poor taste to me.

No way, he has had many relationships, I'm in my early thirties he's in his late thirties. He does however have major trust issues because he has been hurt badly in the past. But who hasn't, we all bounce back and become better (well most of us anyway). But I don't know why he would keep bringing up something he knows nothing about.

You're not dating this guy to find the stuff he needs to get better on. You're dating this guy to identify the reasons you two aren't compatible. In most cases those reasons exist. At your ages, especially his, the reasons you identify are almost 100% guaranteed to be permanent.

I don't mean to sound cynical, I am a firm believer in committed people being able to succeed. But I'm also pragmatic.

You're here posting on the internet because this is probably pretty severe. You KNOW already this is HIM. This is what you get with him. I'm not saying he's not awesome in other ways, but in this area of trust and verbal attacking during arguments, THIS IS WHAT HE IS.

Having said that, he might get over it, but only if those behaviors cost him something. Guys don't learn emotional stuff any other way, for the most part. We learn through loss.

If his inability to control his mouth during arguments caused you look at him, walk over and give him a hug, wish him well, then walk out the door... he MIGHT get it then. Of course, as soon as you come back, he'll unlearn it. So the COST, the LOSS, needs to be real if there's any chance he'll get better.

That means most of the time you're breaking up with a guy to help the NEXT girl have a better guy, but who know, you two might find a different path.

Anyway, simplest of all will be calm honesty on your part. You need to be OK with this guy exactly the way he is. Otherwise you're just making each other miserable for no reason. There needs to be significant reasons to put up with this behavior, because it's mostly going to stay the same.

If those reasons exist, you'll just need to come up with effective ways to ignore his dark side.

If you opt to stick it out, it wouldn't hurt to tell HIM this whole internal debate has gone on. Let him know (CALMLY) you find his childish references to your past idiotic, but not reason enough to toss him out, which was a real consideration. Suggest maybe he not look for ways to rekindle this debate in your mind again, since you do love him.

What were the reasons and what was the perspective outcome you wanted to achieve?

I want to know because I'm thinking about calling a break but my intention is to go the "absense makes the heart grow fonder" or the "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" route. My boyfriend needs to know that I don't feel appreciated sometimes so I'm hoping this last effort will get him to appreciate what he has.

Playing games is for children. Or teenagers who don't have any faith in their ability to communicate.

Adults discuss their problems and seek a resolution or a compromise that both can agree on.

Suppose you say you want a break and he breaks and never calls back?

Then your plan has backfired and you did not achieve the desired results.

Be honest.Understand what it is that you expect from the relationship and then discuss if your expectations are realistic or not.

Playing games is for children. Or teenagers who don't have any faith in their ability to communicate.

Adults discuss their problems and seek a resolution or a compromise that both can agree on.

Suppose you say you want a break and he breaks and never calls back?

Then your plan has backfired and you did not achieve the desired results.

Be honest.Understand what it is that you expect from the relationship and then discuss if your expectations are realistic or not.


I have talked until I'm blue in the face so I'm running out of options.

In my experiences, a break usually means that you are not happy in the relationship and think that some time apart will suddenly change him. Chances are that his behaviors didn't come overnight, therefore will not be changed overnight. If you are going to break for a little while to see if behaviors change, then make sure you hold your ground and don't going running back after a week because you miss him too much. That just shows the emotional and mental control that he has over you.

Just keep in mind that a relationship is something that both of you need to work at if you want it to work. If you're on a break, you're going to do your own thing while god only know what he is doing. This can really lead to both of you becoming more apart, but it can also give you a chance to think about if this is something that you really want.

I think that you should ask for a break. He may be at the point where he has unitentionally taken this relationship for granted. Sometimes the only way to wake someone up to that is give the distance. There is nothing wrong with doing this and it's best to sort these things out before your relationship gets any more serious. i.e.. Marriage,children. You may also find this time to be a good chance to reflect. It may not be easy at first for him to accept this, just re-assure him it is not to see other people. And if he truly loves you, than distance does make the heart grow fonder!

Hi Lovelee

Has your BF always taken you for granted ? Is this new?

What is it about the relationship that you think makes it worth saving?

If you tell him I want a break so he can understand that you are someone to be appreciated,which is also akin to being respected than maybe he will understand.

Give him an ultimatum,either you start respecting me or I'm gone and mean it!

Hi Lovelee

Has your BF always taken you for granted ? Is this new?

What is it about the relationship that you think makes it worth saving?

If you tell him I want a break so he can understand that you are someone to be appreciated,which is also akin to being respected than maybe he will understand.

Give him an ultimatum,either you start respecting me or I'm gone and mean it!

He hasn't always taken me for granted, but he has his time when he does and it lasts for a while. I really don't like to give ultimatums because I fear it will work against me.

Lovelee
*I really don't like to give ultimatums because I fear it will work against me*.

Yes but breaking up or *fake * breaking up may work against you as well.

As you said you have talked until your blue in the face.

Have you ever considered that he is not going to change and perhaps you are holding on to something that should not be kept going?

Maybe he's not into you anymore.Maybe you need to be alone for awhile and truly make a break.

To me not appreciating someone is akin to disrespect and no one should tolerate that.

If you communicated your feelings to him and he didn't take heem to it then that tells you what he thinks about your relationship.

In order for a relationship to work it takes to two. It is about listening to eachothe wants and working on a solution to a problem as it occurs. He doesn't seem to be listening to what your saying or he don't care, even one is bad. It might be going in one ear and out the other.

You can't continue on this way. What does he do or say while your are having these discussions or while your trying to?

If you communicated your feelings to him and he didn't take heem to it then that tells you what he thinks about your relationship.

In order for a relationship to work it takes to two. It is about listening to eachothe wants and working on a solution to a problem as it occurs. He doesn't seem to be listening to what your saying or he don't care, even one is bad. It might be going in one ear and out the other.

You can't continue on this way. What does he do or say while your are having these discussions or while your trying to?

He gets angry and tells me that its not true, that I am exaggerating and need to be more patient and understanding. But I don't know what I am being patient for because it still continues. I want to see how it feels to be apart for a while. If I'm too comfortable with it then there's no sense going back.

Then it sounds like a break is in order but understand the condition that comes along with a break. Like you can't get mad if he dates someone else.

Sometimes you've to do what is right for you and if you need time to clear your head than do so.

I agree with the above. Take your break, but don't do it out of spite or to play a game you might likely lose. We've all heard the "I need a break" thing. Make very sure you are serious about this, or it could very likely backfire on you. If you are comfortable with that, then by all means use the "break" card. Just be willing to accept the consequences of pulling that out of your hat!

BIG RED FLAG- When partners are unable to work together thru honest communications, to resolve their problems to the benefit of both!

May I suggest some straight blunt talking and if that doesn't work for you, a separation if you live together.

Be aware, as others have warned you that breaking up can backfire big time, so be careful what you ask for as that's what you will get.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3636091

From your other posts this has been going on for quite a while and maybe its time to realize he ain't working with you very well, and that doesn't seem like its likely to change.

Make up your mind, as maybe it's a REAL BREAK UP you need, and just do it. Don't expect to play games to change someone's mind, that's crazy, either accept it or move on.

Thank you guys for your comments. I certainly have a lot to think about but I do know that I will not request a break, it's either we work on it or we break up, there is no in-between.

Thank you guys for your comments. I certainly have alot to think about but I do know that I will not request a break, it's either we work on it or we break up, there is no in-between.

If both parties aren't willing to do the work, then the relationship won't survive in the long run anyway. Communication is key, and there are no short cuts. I'm glad you have realized that there is no in between. Hopefully your boyfriend will see this. If he doesn't, you are only prolonging the inevitable.

Good luck!

My boyfriend is driving me nuts! I know he is insecure but lately its gotten so much worse.
It started a couple of weeks ago when I was invited to a superbowl party given by my good friend who happens to be a woman. Sure men were there and they were focused on the game but a few of us women were talking among ourselves. When I told him I was going he asked since when am I a football fan? I told him it was more like a party type setting for me. Of course he told me that I must be meeting a guy there but when I started bringing up how a relationship cannot survive without trust he suddenly told me how much he trusts me. While at the party he kept calling and calling every 10 minutes. At first my phone was in my bag away from me and when I got it I noticed 7 missed calls! When I called back he was very angry and told me that I was definitely talking to some guy there. After several minutes of trying to calm him down he hangs up. The phone rang for the rest of the night each time he was getting angrier and angrier. Finally when I came home and tried to call him he didn't want to talk. He was mad for days after.
Then this past Saturday my sister invited me to go play pool with some friends of ours, I hesitated to go but finally gave in. When I told my boyfriend where I was going he started up again telling me that I am meeting some guy. I told him excatly where I was going to be and that he can even come by if he choose to. So he got a little embarressed and told me that he trusts me. While at the pool hall he calls telling me that he saw me talking to a guy at the bar. I know it wasn't true but he insisted that it was. Obviously he was trying to cleverly get information from me but it didn't work. When he hung up I went to the bar for a drink when who shall I see but his landlord at the bar, innocent enough but then one of the guys I was playing pool with comes and tells me drinks are on him and he stood there the whole time! All of a sudden his landlord gets on his cell phone and makes a call. Sure enough my boyfriend calls back very sad telling me how he knows that I am there and some guy is going to take me away from him and break his heart. I left immediately after that and went home to call him but he was very angry and told me he doesn't feel like talking and hangs up then I call back telling him that I wouldn't go out anymore to see what he would say. But he says that he wouldn't want to be "that guy". But he is "that guy" and I don't understand it. He is a tall, handsome guy who makes decent money. I know women like him and it kind of bothers me but not enough to act the way he does. He has too much going for him to be caught up in this insecurity nonsense. I never cheated on him and have no intention on doing so. I love him and he needs to know that I am true. Can an insecure person ever change? Or do I need to stop going out to please him?

Yes, having jealous partner can kill a relationship. Maybe he been burned by a woman in the past but these issues are his issues not yours. You shouldn't have to try to prove something to him every time you go out or have his interupting your fun. It doesn't matter what you say or do this guy doesn't trust you and he is going always think there is another man your with or after you when you go out.

If you stay your only going get fed up and eventually leave. I think he needs counselling or space until his insecurities are straighten out because he has unresolved issues that has nothing to do with you.

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3801436)

If he doesn't do something to change his behavior, it will get worse, no matter what you do. Its up to you to tell him that your tired of this insecurity crap, and the behavior it brings.

As the link shows, your whole history with this fellow has been rocky. I feel its because you do way too much to keep things going, and he undermines your efforts by being a big kid.

Doesn't sound like fun to me, so why don't you stand up for yourself sometime, and stop letting this big baby dictate the relationship into a brick wall.

He has the problem and HE needs to deal with it.
IF he doesn't and you want to stay with him you will spend a lifetime of always feeling that you have to prove yourself. Always needing to justify where you were, why it took you two hours to shop instead of an hour and a half, where else did you go, having to tell him that he can check up on you anywhere and everywhere you go. You will get to the point that you feel like a prisoner that can not take a breath without okaying it with him first.
Tell him to get help!

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3801436)



Doesn't seem to be anything on this link Tal , is it me :(

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3803047)

Sorry, but this one should tell the whole story.

He needs to fix himself, he has a lot of problems that only counseling can fix. Either he goes to counseling and admits he has a problem or you need to leave.

Can an insecure person ever change? Or do I need to stop going out to please him?
Unreal, you'd put your own life on hold for this chump? People do change but it takes a long time (like a decade) and it's impossible while in a relationship. He needs to be on his own to see who he really is. You can't fix him.

He sounds like he's afraid to be alone.

Don't stick around with a guy like this, you will lose your friends, and for what? Not worth it.

I was wondering, Is there a reason that he wasn't invited to the SB Party & to play Pool? His insecurities are obvious, but it really seems that he may just want a bigger role in your relationship without being able to tell you.

Just my 2 cents, take care & good luck.

He was invited to come play pool, he chose not to go.

Not to place blame, because HE is definitely the one with the problem, but was there a reason for not inviting him to the Superbowl Party? How long have you been dating? When you invited him to pool was it not after the Superbowl Party and only after he was upset again about being neglected?

The problem is definitely his but depending on how long you have been dating it is probably difficult to be secure when you aren't introducing him to any of your friends when you can tell that it hurts him and makes him insecure. You should never stop your life for a man, but you should include him in it. Once he goes out with you a few times he probably would stop being so insecure about what you do when he is not with you.

Once again I repeat this is not your problem it is HIS.

Not to place blame, because HE is definately the one with the problem, but was there a reason for not inviting him to the Superbowl Party? How long have you been dating? When you invited him to pool was it not after the Superbowl Party and only after he was upset again about being neglected?

The problem is definately his but depending on how long you have been dating it is probably difficult to be secure when you aren't introducing him to any of your friends when you can tell that it hurts him and makes him insecure. You should never stop your life for a man, but you should include him in it. Once he goes out with you a few times he probably would stop being so insecure about what you do when he is not with you.

Once again I repeat this is not your problem it is HIS.


We've been together for about 16 months.
I didn't invite him to the superbowl party because when I called him he was a little annoyed as I had interrupted him from his sleep so I told him I was going out then all of a sudden he tells me that he was going to invite me over by him and got angry when I told him that I wasn't coming. Then he went on saying that I would rather be with friends then with him which is not true at all. I would like to go out with him more but he would prefer to stay home. I like being home myself but every once in a while I would like to enjoy a nice night out.

I was wondering why he was not invited too. When you intrupted him from his sleep, was it late at night when you called him to invite him to the party? Then I could understand why he may have been upset, but then why were you upset?
Sounds to me like you two are just not a match. It maybe time to say good bye.

So here's the story:

My boyfriend just asked to borrow $350 dollars until he can get the money back in a week (or so he claims). The problem is he owes me a lot of money in which he hasn't paid back yet. Several months ago I lent him $1200 dollars because he was going through real tough financial issues. He told me at the time that I will get it back in a month of course I didn't get it. Then about one month ago he asked for $400 dollars and I gave it to him willingly, he told me that I would get it back a few days later and again he didn't pay me back. Now today we had the audacity to call again with a sob story saying how he needs the money badly.
THe Problem - I was recently unemployed for two and a half months in which I had to struggle to keep up with expenses and I'm finally getting my finances in order with this new job.

The boyfriend is not the only problem however, a friend of mine who has been unemployed for months asked to lend $500 dollars from me, I couldn't give it to him unfortunetly. If I have to calculate the amount of money each individual owes me I'd be very rich!

My boyfriend is taking advantage and its making me angry. He expects the money today, what the heck do I tell him without causing problems in our relationship?

Don't give him any more money.

It does sound like he's taking advantage of you.

You need to talk to him about this! If he gets angry over this well then he's not a good boyfriend! You are unemployed and need to take care of your OWN bills-- if he gets upset he is obviously using you!

Sarah

You have to stop giving him money. If he hasn't given you back any money, it's because you haven't started chasing him for it yet. If you started chasing him to get back some money, he wouldn't keep asking you.

I can't believe how fast he spends his money. You really need to talk this over with him. Doesn't he have a job?

Tell him you simply can't ,that he is a poor risk and if he needs money ,so do you.
You are trying to pay your own bills.I assume you have to work for that money as well.

You don't have a tree in the back that grows it.

If he gets mad ,then he is a very ungrateful and thoughtless boyfriend.

I am very opposed to money borrowing and I would rather go hungry than borrow.I will lend,but not to the degree that you have.Your just GIVING it away.
Just say NO.I know it comes hard for some people but this guy is bleeding you.

Tell him that you are behind on your expenses and that he is a poor investment. If you have to, put it into stock explanation.

Just say "no".

Then I would asked him about the other money he owes me.

Stop lending out your hard earned money especially to someone that doesn't pay you back.

People will only take of you if YOU allow then to. Then it won't stop until you put your foot down. Time to put your foot down.

If your boyfriend gets mad then it time for a new one. To be honesty you shouldn't gave him anymore money after he didn't pay you back the first time.

You isn't his sugar mommy even though you gave him that impression a little.

You have to stop giving him money. If he hasn't given you back any money, it's because you haven't started chasing him for it yet. If you started chasing him to get back some money, he wouldn't keep asking you.

I can't believe how fast he spends his money. You really need to talk this over with him. Doesn't he have a job?

He is self-employed and although business is good he says many of his clients aren't paying him fast enough and now he can't pay his rent. I have rent due too and I pay twice as much as he does! When I was unemployed he would give me a little money but it was a far cry from what he owed me. I don't like lending money or taking money from other people. Things were so bad that my mother insisted that I take money from her but I felt so guilty taking it even though she's a bank manager and makes a lot of money! I have a problem saying no to people and I also have a problem asking for the money back. But this time I wouldn't give him anymore money, the bank is closed!

Lovelee don't be afraid of the word "no". Practice saying it and learn to say it to people. Your nobody pushover.

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=4267902)

With the problems you have had with this fellow, breaking up would save you a bunch of money. Matter of fact it would be a better deal to pay him to leave you alone.

Time to say no, or at least if you decide to, you make him sign a loan paper for all the money he owes you. Setting up reguar pay plans, then if he does not pay you, you can sue him in court.

Definitely stop lending out money. You don't need both of you to end up poor.

Don't lend money unless you don't care about getting paid back.

You have to support yourself and you can't keep giving him money. Tell him to start paying you back as well. If he really wants to stop having so many money problems, he needs to stop digging a deeper hole.

I think I got his game. Your mother is a banker so tha's why he knows that no matter what your able to at least get money from her. Hmmm.

Then you turn around and make excuses for his asking you for money. Hmmm.

I don't know what your really going do but I hope you don't give him your money.

And make him sign a note recongizing the money you give in the past as a loan not a gift in case you do have to take him to court. So there won't be any dispute regarding the money or any denial.

Well I'm hoping that I don't have to take extreme measures you guys mentioned like taking him to court. I just wouldn't lend him any more money. He called me a little while ago and there was no mention of money.

I think there could be several reasons your boyfriend brings up your past relationships but I think the main one is his maturity level. He could be very insecure about your relationship so he is "testing" you. He wants to see your reaction when he mentions your past relationships---Will you say, "No honey, I love you more than all those guys put together because you're the greatest, and I don't know why we even argue because you are always right..." or will you say, "Why the heck did I break up with that other guy, cause you are more of a pain than he ever was."

Unless you are comfortable dealing with his behavior, I'd say leave him. A loving relationship should not resolve problems by verbal attacks about one person's past.

Communicate exactly what you told us, or better yet. Tell him to read your post, without him knowing you wrote it and ask him what he thinks you should respond to this person with. Watch as he reads the post and gives a response and then tell him that it's about him.

Lovelee you stating he have trust issues so this is the problem. However, when someone have this problem there is nothing you can do to change it. It has to change it.

My question to you is "why are the two you aruging so much?" Agruing doesn't solve anything and only leads to you saying things out of anger because of that heated moment.

In order for your relationship to make you must be able to talk to each other in a calm, open, civil matter. Remember it takes two to agrued and I pretty sure he wouldn't enjoy agruing with himself.

Also, for the relationship to move forward he better work on his issues because personally I can't date someone with insecurities.

Hei shouldn't be focusing so much on your past relationship but should only focus on the two of you.

I am at my witts end here. The last time I heard from my boyfriend was Saturday around 6:45 p.m. I have been calling him all day yesterday which was Sunday and his phone just kept ringing, he didn't try to reach me either and I'm worried. This is not like him to not call me everyday or not accept my calls. My home phone isn't working but my cell phone sure is and this is just very upsetting. This morning before I came to work I drove by his apartment and asked his landlord if he's seen him for the morning, he said no and told me I can knock on the door but since I was running late for work already I couldn't.
At this point I would rather he be with another woman then to find out he got in an accident or WORSE. I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry that you haven't heard from him, but you have no idea where he is, so don't jump to any conclusions so quickly. If he has a habit of contacting daily, then I'm sure he will contact you as soon as you get a hold. The best thing for you to do is hold judgement before he gets a chance to explain himself.

If you are that worried, then I suggest that you contact his family or friends to see if they've heard from him.

His family lives very far from him and I don't want to call his mother to worry her, she already worries very easily and I haven't seen any of his friends.

If you don't want to bother anyone else, then you're just going to have to be patient. How was your last conversation? Was it an argument? You can always try to go by his place again after work.

Our last conversation was very good. He told me that he had just finished work and that his back was killing him. We both said I love you and hung up. His phone does give problems from time to time but he would have found a way to contact me. Since he is a five minute drive from my job I will go over to his apartment around lunch time since he works from home.
Thanks

Unfortunately we don't have much other help we can offer, except patience. :)
Keep us posted.

UPDATE!!

Well he just called me!

He told me that he was home sick as a dog and in an angry tone asked me why I didn't knock on his door this morning when I passed by? He said if I was worried so much I would have called his friends or come to his place, just like you mentioned I wish. He said his cell phone dropped into his friend's car and even he tried calling it but his friend refused to answer his calls. I'm glad he's all right but I just don't understand his anger.

He's just really sick, so it's really fustrating. So he might be taking out some of his fustration on you. Don't let it get to you too much. Furthermore, it feels like you didn't care, because it looks like you weren't putting much effort (because you didn't contact his friends/family, nor did you knock on his door). Instead, you even suggested to us that you rather he be sleeping with someone else. That's why I warned you not to jump to conclusions until he can explain himself.

It's just a huge misunderstanding. Just go see him the first chance you get and let him know that you were worried sick too, but you didn't want to worry his mom or that you haven't seen his friends. And that next time this happens, you will knock on his door for sure. And then just take care of him as he's sick.

Just don't get sick yourself, cause you need to go to work.

Lately we are having some issues and just when I think things are getting better they get bad again.
My boyfriend lives in a fantasy world. He would swear that our relationship is the best thing in the world but it is not. He says he is so in love with me yet I don't feel it so much lately. Sure he loves me but I can't believe he doesn't see our problems.
Major Problem No. 1, "Money"- I felt that I have been supporting him for these past few months. He is self-employed and says that business has been very slow and he struggles to pay his bills. A couple weeks ago he got very sick and the doctor ordered him to take three days off work. Now that's like plunging a stake through his heart. He said it would cost him 3 days pay which is about 600 dollars, then told me he will work anyway. So I begged him not to then told him I would pay him for the missed days, (stupid me I know). But I was concerned about his health and didn't want to make it worse, so he hesitated then took the money. My boyfriend made a bad business investment some months back and has barely been able to keep his head above water. He is in deep debt and expects me to bail him out every time. I'm tired of it! I really wish he didn't know my salary. I have expenses too and my rent is literally twice as high as his! Nevertheless he still gives me his sob stories and because of my giving nature I he knows that I have a problem saying no. He promises to pay me back but I haven't seen a penny of it!

Major Problem No. 2, "Trust"- These days he has been doing some questionable things like not answering his phone or rushing me off it. I think he may be cheating. Of course he swears up and down that he wouldn't do that to me but why is he so secretive lately? We don't live together and I feel like sometimes when he says he is working he is not. When I was over by his house his cell phone rang and he wouldn't answer it. So I said; "aren't you going to answer your phone"? Then he says its business and it can wait because he wants to spend time with me without interruption. Mind you, my boyfriend never refuses work if it means money for him. I let it slide. I tried to break up with him a couple days ago ane he flat out refused to let me go. Telling me that I am paranoid and that it will devestate him if I left and he'll never find another woman like me. But these issues we're having is crushing me. I have stress, pains, and headaches over this man and he is driving me crazy! I tell him he has to do better or I will leave, but he continues to do the same thing. I told him if he loved me he would let me go. He says the opposite. "If he loves me there's no way he will let me go." If things don't change for the better he may very well be history.

Is this the guy from your previous threads? If so there are trust issues and a severe lack of real communication .
He can tell you 24/7 that he loves you,but his actions speak a different language. I d say leave him and let him fend for himself.

Is this the guy from your previous threads? If so there are trust issues and a severe lack of real communication .
He can tell you 24/7 that he loves you,but his actions speak a different language. I d say leave him and let him fend for himself.

Totally agree :)

When I merged all your threads, it started to be apparent that you have been going through the same things over and over for more than a tear and have had no resolutions that work for you. At some point, enough is enough. Given the bad and no good things written about him, I would be long gone. Reread this whole thing and tell me why your still there.