In a nutshell, I met a guy & semi-dated for a month-- got to know each other for a month, had sex... 9 months later had a beautiful baby boy! My baby is now 7 weeks old. I got to know my baby's daddy, but not THAT well (it was only a month to get to know him before I decided it was not going to work out because it was just kind of a boring relationship at the end). I didn't find out I was pregnant until 4 months, but I did call him and let him know that I was pregnant and the chances of it being his was about 99.9%! We kept in contact all throughout my pregnancy, but kept it to a minimal amount. We get along and all, and I am going to let him see his son *for the best interest of my son-- so he can grow up knowing his biological father*. He got a lawyer just so that he knew his rights were being met, but it wasn't supposed to be to where I felt threatened by it. I think we both can agree on everything but he wants to set up a visitation/etc etc etc schedule TODAY and make it official (signing it for the courts and stuff) and I am not comfortable with that so much because what could work out for baby now, may not work out for baby down the road and I don't want to legally be held accountable if I wish to change my mind. I need more advice but I will just leave it at this for now. I will probably be getting an attorney next week (not to be an to the baby's dad, but just so that I know my rights are ALSO being respected-- I'm a first time mother so I am still learning)! Thanks to anyone who responds!

P.S. my mind is in a rutt and I forgot to mention that we did go get a paternity test taken a couple of weeks ago, & he IS the father!

I don't really see a question here but if he wants to have his rights legally established and a DNA test to confirm paternity that is 100% his right and you have absolutely no say in the matter.

You are not entitled to change your mind - he is the child's parent too and your whims are not his problem and he should absolutely protect his rights.

P.S. my mind is in a rutt and I forgot to mention that we did go get a paternity test taken a couple of weeks ago, & he IS the father!

The court will require another one. Anything done without the court order is for personal knowledge and not admissible in court.

I'm not trying to gain full custody or anything... I just want to hear other peoples stories I guess. I'm not ready for my baby to go on overnights or anything yet but Josh can see his kid as much as he wants. If I didn't want Josh to be a part of his sons life, I didn't ever have to tell him I was pregnant... and he would have never known. But I am not a selfish person... so I did just the opposite. :)

Again, what YOU are ready for really isn't for you to decide. He was AS MUCH right to the child as you do.

And I'm sorry, but you ARE a selfish person. You want to control access of a father to his son. Did you have to tell him? No... but the same can be said about did you have to have sex with him in the first place?

Nope. But you did.

I'm not ready for my baby to go on overnights or anything yet but Josh can see his kid as much as he wants.


It's not just your baby, it's his baby too.

You say he can see his child as much as he wants, how gracious of you. Sadly, this isn't for you to decide. He is as much a parent to this child as you are.

I know it's hard to let your child out of your sight, but this is the price you pay when you have a child without having a relationship with the father. Split family, split homes, split time. You might as well get used to it because this is the way it's going to be.

Be happy that this man actually wants to be a parent, so many guys just walk away.

I don't think you guys get it. Josh and I are not in a battle or anything, we get along just fine. I think you all are under the impression that I am arguing with Josh about overnights, which I am not. Overnights are not an issue right now & once the time comes (which it will soon, I know) then I'll handle it as an adult/mom then. I was just primarily venting earlier because everyone I could talk to about this was either at work or busy. Josh ended up coming over for 3 hours today and we came to everything on agreement. I DO respect the fact that Josh wants to be a part of his sons life, and I want him to-- just as much as he wants to!

... I've never been in this situation before so of course I am curious about different thoughts I may have that I don't necessarily want to talk to some people about-- but rather get answers from random people just to hear their input. I don't need people getting the wrong impression though, getting on their high horse (maybe perhaps because they're used to giving advice to y girls on here-- which I am not a , at all... or perhaps you're a single dad or mom and have had bad encounters with your own baby mama or daddy and are taking it out on me) and thinking that I am the bad guy. I'm here to make things work with Josh--- just want to hear others stories. Make sense now or still think I'm out to get him?

Where they "beeped" out my words on the last paragraph with "y" or a missing word, it's supposed to say b*tchy and b*tch

I don't think you get it. First, if both of you do not get this in writing and signed off by a court you are doing both yourself and your child a huge disservice. Second, no one cares if you are being itchy or what you feel is right for you now and in the future. We don't care because neither would a court. We are discussing the LAW and there is no room for feelings or opinions when it comes to the law.

I don't think you are out to get him and I don't think he is out to get you. As of this moment though, he is not the legal father of your child and THAT needs a court to take care of.

And yes, I believe things will change and both of you NEED to have something concrete and court ordered in place. What happens 2 years from now when your new boyfriend is jealous of your ex being around "whenever he feels like it"? How about when Josh gets married and his wife wants to take the child with them on a vacation?

What works for you today WILL not work for you in the future... which is why you need to get it done for real...

...I've never been in this situation before so of course I am curious about different thoughts I may have that I don't necessarily want to talk to some people about-- but rather get answers from random people just to hear their input. I don't need people getting the wrong impression though, getting on their high horse (maybe perhaps because they're used to giving advice to y girls on here-- which I am not a , at all... or perhaps you're a single dad or mom and have had bad encounters with your own baby mama or daddy and are taking it out on me) and thinking that I am the bad guy. I'm here to make things work with Josh--- just want to hear others stories. Make sense now or still think I'm out to get him?

Often times things come off sounding bad on the internet. We only had your post to go by and if you read your posts from an outside perspective maybe you'll see why we said the things we said.

I'm glad you worked it out. Remember, you son is lucky to have two parents that both love him and want to spend time with him.

As for me, married for 14 years, 2 kids, so no, I'm not talking from first hand experience. :)

...I've never been in this situation before so of course I am curious about different thoughts I may have that I don't necessarily want to talk to some people about-- but rather get answers from random people just to hear their input. I don't need people getting the wrong impression though, getting on their high horse (maybe perhaps because they're used to giving advice to y girls on here-- which I am not a , at all... or perhaps you're a single dad or mom and have had bad encounters with your own baby mama or daddy and are taking it out on me) and thinking that I am the bad guy. I'm here to make things work with Josh--- just want to hear others stories. Make sense now or still think I'm out to get him?

Ok, I don't think you understand that in this section of the AMHD area it is a law forum and we try to base our answers on the law. Its not really about feelings here its more about facts. The law is pretty straightforward about a lot of things. I think that's why you started getting the " negetive " attitude feeling from the answers. This area isn't the touchy feely area.. those sections are in other places of the AMHD board. As far as the law goes that's what most were / are jumping on. So if your just looking for opinions of mind and not of fact / law. You might try repharzing your post and post in another section.

BTW.. Im glad you were able to agree rather then drag things out in a protracted way.