Hi,
I am the mother of a 4 year old boy. He is the only child and there aren't many children in my family, so I'm not really clear as to what's normal and what is out of hand. He is an active chile, healthy and very smart... but he does not listen. It home its not too bad, but he singles me out as the only person he doesn't listen to at home, he listens to his father. In school, he has consistently been getting in trouble for not listening to the rules, not keeping his hands to himself, occassioanly throwing toys. The main issue is that he refuses to listen to the teachers and supervisors and would rather do what he wants (play instead of nap, or not stay in his seat, etc... ) The other day he got written up for locking himself in the bathroom and screaming at the top of his lungs and not letting anyone in to see what was going on. I'm not sure what else to do... I keep putting him in time out and removing special previliges from him (tv, snacks, etc... ) but I am starting to feel guilty because he is constantly in trouble and in time out. What am I doing wrong? I took on a new job months ago and I am not home as much (long hours) I feel guilty. Does anyone have recommendations? Is this normal? Can anyone recommend a book or something that would help?

Thanks... all help is appreciated.

My son is now 13 years old, and he is a very well behaved, responsible young man, but not without lots of crying and heartache. Working at a behavioral institute for years I have learned that consequences, and rewards are the best form of discipline. I went to my boss when my son was about 3 in tears I told her when I tuck him in at night I cry because I have spent the whole day yelling at him or reprimanding him, her advice to me was when you quit worrying about being a good mother that is when you are no longer a good mother. Relax remember that you are the boss, follow through, bad behavior that is not hindered now will only be a bigger problem later. He will not be scarred or anything like that because you are teaching him what is appropriate and acceptable, however there could be long term consequences to not doing this. This is just my opinion but it did work for me. Good Luck

Problems with authority... it's normal... he's testing boundaries and they generally do. I can't imagine when they get older being 16 but think their 21! Hey, we where all there - I am sort of there but not so much and I will be pending to get there soon again! I find redirecting them by emphasizing what is acceptable... praising them when they do well with hugs, kisses and applauds helps. Don't use the NO word... when they hear the NO word... they don't hear any reason behind it... mine is 2 1/2 and I try to use the YES word more and the NO word is left out unless something is dangerous to them or others around (slapping, kicking, throwing.. etc)... 1, 2, 3 Method and time out for 2 minutes - since taking things away isn't effective (It is better not to because then the child associates the object as apart of their identity "mine"... better to treat an object just an object and discipline without taking things away until they get a bit older and start to play with games, talk on the phone and go out with friends). Plenty of mentoring and explanation without the "N" word. It works for me... but every child is so different and none of them come with manuals :).

Try a few resources and find other helpful material so you can identify the issue and address it the best possible way without disciplining on a regular basis (I know the guilty feeling). You know your child the best and you know what is best for him. Plus you won't feel so alone BUT you are not the only one... we are all there at one point or another!

CHILD DEVELOPMENT?Problems of Discipline, Authority and Rebellion (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1511901/)