Hello, I have never had to seek out advice on a message board but I don’t know what else to do. My girlfriend of 3 years just moved out 2 weeks ago to go “work on her issues” and “find herself.” We moved rather fast into the relationship and moved in together after just a few months of dating. We even bought a house together and were talking about marriage and starting a family. When I met this girl I knew she was the one for me. We have been inseparable for the last 3 years and even worked together in the same shop for a year and a half. About 6 months ago she lost her job and has been staying at home collecting unemployment. At first I was upset but then took the job loss as a blessing in disguise because we really were together 24/7 and it was starting to become unhealthy. I told her that she should stay home, collect unemployment and take her time to reflect and that when she was ready, she could go out and look for a job. I said this with the intention that she would eventually come around on her own. After about 4 months I started pushing the issue of her going out to look for work because every day I came home she was still in her PJ’s surfing the internet. For the last 6 years I have been an alcoholic but for the last 2 years I have limited it to only drinking on the weekends. I have been going to meetings and made it 29 days without a drink. I have been trying to work on my issues but don’t feel she’s doing the same. When I drink, I say things to her like she’s lazy and needs to get off her a$$ and look for work. It’s not fair to me to come home from work and see her doing nothing. I work full time and go to school 3/4 time and have made the dean’s list every semester for the past year. I am very responsible and don’t have time to baby her into doing what she needs to do.

To make a long story short, she felt like she was dragging me down because she was depressed she couldn’t find work. I told her that I would stay with her through thick and thin no matter what, and I still mean it. I offered to help her find a job because my mom is a job developer and she finds people jobs for a living. She chose not to accept my help. She packed up all of her stuff and went to live with her parents for a while to try and find a job and work on herself. She tells me she still loves me and is hopeful we will work things out and also says she’s not “leaving me”. I know the signs of cheating and there are no red flags with her. She really needs time to find herself because the area we are in was depressing her. I have not spoken to her for a few days now because I want her to have her space and be away for a while.

I have been reading these message boards for a few days now and a lot of people say she is trying to let me down easy. Half of my friends and family tell me that she isn’t coming back and I should move on and the other half just tells me to wait it out and give her time and that she will realize what she had and come back. I am trying to move on and even bought a new puppy to help me cope. So far its working because I haven’t had that urge to text and call her all day. I'm not ready to go out and date because I still feel there is a chance. I love this girl with all my heart and am willing to do anything for her and if that means letting her go then so be it. I know that most if not all relationships have to go through a break period to see if there is still fire and that’s what this is now. Any insight anybody has would be great. 3 years is a significant amount of time to be in a relationship and I really do want to make it work. I may just have to wait and see if she does too. She says she does but I don’t think she knows what she wants anymore.

If she is depressed she should see her doctor. Being out of work for months on end and not actively trying to get a new job is not a good sign. She may say she wants for the two of you to work out but she s moved out. There seems to have been little real communication in your relationship and that s a red flag,as is your problem with alcohol,drinking on weekends if you drink a lot and don't take weekends completely off the drink is not healthy. I think you both need time away from each other to sort yourselves out separately . And I hope you realize a puppy is a commitment for years not just a cuddly toy for your comfort.

I have been going to meetings and made it 29 days without a drink.
Make it a year and see how you feel.

You told her to stay home until she was ready, she did.

You got drunk and berated her, she left.

Deal with your own issues, and let her deal with hers, and see where your both at in a year.

Take good care of the puppy, and yourself.

Thank you Taliniman. I am thinking that after a year I will have definitely moved on. She is definitely worth waiting forever for and I was thinking a couple of months. I guess as time goes on I will truly realize what I want whether that be her or not.

I echo what Taliniman said.

I might add that you let her know that you're sorry for all your short comings, i.e. drunk belittlement, that you care about her and understand her decision to leave. Maybe let her know that if she changes her mind, has a change in heart, you'll have to see where you're at in your life at that time and may be willing to talk about it. Make no promises and don't give the indication that you'll wait around for her.

I suggest you don't try to remain her friend either. This is for yourself and your sanity. Also, if she is going to miss you it's because you're out of her life completely. Hanging around humping on her leg like a stray dog isn't going to get you any positive reaction.

Stay off the bottle buddy. Good luck.

<<<<<<<< UPDATE >>>>>>>>

I found out she has been seeing someone and the dude is married!! Not the way I wanted to find out but Im glad I did. I don't know how long that had been going on and I don't know how many there were, but at this point things are done! I went to ATL to get my car back that I gave her and Im going to do an assumption of the home loan from her to me. Yea, what a dumb a$$ I was for getting her a car and a house and a job and it just wasn't good enough for her. I hope she is happy living with her parents and has a fun time looking for a job and starting over with nothing. Her parents will probably buy her a car and move her into a place because her family has always done things for her. Maybe she could move in with the married guy because I'm sure he's getting a divorce right now after what I told his wife. Im a jerk, I know, but I don't care. I think its funny. Thanks for all the advice you all gave me. I don't think it would have helped with this situation. The relationship was over a long time ago I just didn't see it.

Wow... you must be proud of yourself after all that. Seriously, why? Why do it? Cause you're hurt and angered? What do you think your actions say to her?

Because she lied to me. She drug me along and made me think there was a chance when she was seeing someone else. That guys wife doesn't deserve that. You guys can say what you want, I don't feel bad for what I did. (I have issues , I know) I don't like being screwed over, especially since I gave this woman my heart and she ran it over. You all don't know me or the whole story. I do appreciate you listening though, and to the guy that told me a puppy is forever, I know this and we both had wanted to get one for a long time. I actually was planning on surprising her with a puppy and have a ring attached to his neck but shortly after I was planning all this, someone did it in a movie... I was crushed and wanted to make it special, something different. I figured if there was still hope with this girl at leaset she could share the love of the dog with me if she came back and I would have some companionship in the meantime. Im not one to jump into another relationship but I am lonely:(. Please don't get me wrong, I love my dog and am dedicated to him.

Another case of cheating... move on like a man!

The dog deserves your loyalty, the girl doesn't.

Ok, guys I need some insight. This is a tricky one. Ive only talked to her once in the past 3 weeks and that's because it was concerning the house we own together. I have not texted emailed or anything else, trying to stick to this and so far so good.

Aside from no contact, I do check her blog from time to time to see what she's up to. She originally started it to vent her frustrations. Well I checked it last night and she had a new post on there from Sunday at 1:25 AM. The post was basically a cartoonish picture of a lit up christmas tree in a winter setting with a lake and snow. On the top of the picture was a caption:

"Next year,
I want to get my tree
With you..."

Underneath the picture she wrote this:

"pretty much sums up how I feel right now"

And that was it. Was not directed toward anyone in patucular. I know it is a hidden message for someone. Is she hinting at me or is it someone else. I need opinions cause that just confuses the heck out of me. Ugghhh! Women!! Can't live with em' can't live without em'

You should have stayed off her blog, and avoided the drama, and confusion.

Not only do you need a real estate lawyer, an psychic would help too.

So you say it could go the either way? But why would she put that on there for someone else but me? If she wanted to throw it in my face she could have done it somewhere else and been clear. I believe things happen for a reason and the house is what is keeping us tied together. Deep down I truly believe she wants to make it work she just (and this case is different, believe it or not) needs time to grow up and be responsible on her own so she can fulfill the needs in my life. Its like everyomne says. Work on yourself first and I truly believe she is doing that. I feel the same way...

Guy your holding on to a dream as what relationship can survive without the partners working together? NONE! She left, and her reasons are irrelevant, as her actions speak volumes.

So how long do you wait for her to get it??

How much time does it take to "grow up", and "come home"?

I know you all probably think Im a fool and maybe that's true. One day I might realize all this but for now I'm trying to cope with being alone.

This is her way of working it out. It was the only way as she has no friends here and needs time to grow as a person. We both do. Somewhere during the relationship we became strangers to ourselves clinging on to one another. She was the clingyone at first and it scared me. Eventually I became clingy as well and it was perfect (or so it seemed) Will she come back? Like you said that's a question for a psychic. I know what I feel in my heart and I will continue no contact until after the holidays. By then I will know for sure how she feels

So from an experts point of view, do you think the message was directed toward me or someone else??

I think you need to realise that no one can tell you that.
Only she knows.

You're ignorance on the positive advices is not helping you, your ignorance on checking your ex's stuff is not helping you either.

You guys are right. I am starting to realize things now

That sounds like a big step forward. I hope you are coping OK.

I bought a guitar and am writing again... all of my feelings, where I was, where I am and where I am going. I hope to channel through song at this point. So far it really has helped

That's a great idea and I wish you the best of luck with your project.

Today was the first day that I woke up and she wasn't the absolute first thing on my mind. Its probably cause I was sore from playing WallyBall for 2 hours last night but I'm making progress!!

That's progress, more WallyBall!!

You've turned the page.
Congratulations!

Good start! Step by Step.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas! I actually went home to California and Vegas to see my family. It was rough and all, this being the first christmas without her in 3 years but I was nice to see family, I have none on this side of the US.

Today marks 21 days NC. Tomorrows a new year! Lets make it count!

You're doing great and doing the right thing. Keep up the good work!

Well done-keep up the good work and here's to a Happy New Year!

Update... Or rather a setback :mad::(

I was doing well with the no contact thing but I recently had a slip up and it was kind of embarrassing. I started thinking to myself that I wanted to start talking to my old friends (the ones that I neglected because I was in a relationship and "didnt have time" to call them). Well I lost my phone a few months ago so I lost all of my phone numbers. I was trying to call a couple of buddies in Texas by looking at my old phone bills. I found one and we talked for a while and I gave him my new number. I was trying to find my best friends number and called about 5 different numbers until I came across one that looked like a Texas area code. I called it and guess who answered?? I was like "Uh.....Uh....I feel like a dumba$$ Im sorry I didnt mean to call you I was trying not to for a few months". It was her parents house and yep, she answered.:rolleyes:


We talked for about 2 1/2 hours. Not about the relationship but rather what we had each been up to. It was nice to catch up but when we hung up I knew I had to start over ONCE AGAIN!! She did tell me that who knows what the future may bring about and somewhere down the line we could make it work but she said we need to concentrate on being friends for the time being. I agreed. She emails me the next day saying:

"i know i probably shouldn't be emailing you, but i thought you'd be able to appreciate this...

yesterday, i ran an entire mile. without stopping one time!" Blah blah blah

I don't want to lose her as a friend and at first I was holding on to the false hope but now I have just about moved on it just sucks that this really set me back and the fact that it was unintentional. Why do I still have these feelings for her??

Go back to NC and see it as a bump in the road.
What's setting you back is that you had a long conversation with her,rather than explaining your mistake,politely,then ending the call.

It will pass,give it a day or so.

It was a mistake on my part not ending the call. It was just nice to hear her voice. I truly believe we can be friends in the future. The love has faded for the most part but there's still something there, at least with me. I wish it wasn't that way and I could feel no remorse but I do.

This happened 10 days ago and Im just sad again today. Thanks for listening

Then get superbusy so you can minimize thinking about being sad.
Physical activity,friends etc-take your mind off her.

Maybe you can be friends at some point,but not now.

Right now its about you finally getting over her.

Well hello everyone! (if you are still following this thread) I just wanted to say thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement. It has been a month now since I have had any contact with the ex and I must say it feels exhilarating! I found out from a mutual friend that she was asking about me on Facebook the other day and how I was doing and yadi yadi ya… He told her I was doing AMAZING (which I am)… 2 months ago I would have broke down and been devastated and tried to contact her but at this particular time, it doesn’t even phase me. I actually felt a sense of relief. Why does she care about me? She’s obviously wondering what I'm up to and you know what, she will NEVER know thanks to NC! I honestly don’t care what or who she is doing. I hope she’s OK but I don’t have that urge to know what’s going on in HER life. I have been keeping busy with working on school and I even got my computer certification yesterday. YAY!!

As I look back (and its funny because so many people don’t see it at first because of all the emotions) but some things just aren’t meant to be. I’ve learned so much from this relationship and now I know what to do, and what not to do with future relationships. I have started dating again and have met quite a few girls. None of them keepers yet but I can see that there are Soooooo many out there.

Time heals and I am living proof of that. In the beginning I did not see this but for those of you that are going through similar situations, keep your head up and just know that things do get better.

Peace!

I'm so glad to hear that you've come through all this with flying colors. There's plenty of good women out there to date... and one of them may end up being "Ms. Perfect". Good luck!

Congrats!
Good old NC works wonders!
All the best for the present,and the future!

Newguy - your post today was very inspiring. Thank you for it.

I am going through a similar situation (have my own thread), and I love to see other guys who have healed and realize now that it was for the better, even though it feels like death in the beginning. I am starting to see my breakup was maybe for the better, but still in the limbo period. Hoping time and NC will continue to heal all.

Good luck out there and congrats on your improvement!

Trust me Robin, time does heal. I have read your thread and can relate to you very much and know, maybe not exactly, but I know what you are going through.

Im glad I could inspire someone! Its like in the beginning you don't want to take things at face value becase you don't WANT to believe its true, but one day you wake up and, snap! You realize that sometimes things are for the better. Im there now...

Glad to see you have made it there! Btw I am curious how old you are if you don't mind.

I am somewhere in between the denial stage and where you are. The NC has definitely been helping. This week was a slight setback because my ex has been trying to contact me numerous times after I completely ignored her birthday. She realizes she will no longer have her cake and eat it too. That feels good.

I know it is just B.S. and I have not given in and kept no contact (though I have been thinking about her more).

But I got back to the healing process, I will keep my head up and know in my mind that even if it doesn't feel like it right now in my heart, things will get better with time. You are living proof - haha!

Glad to see you have made it there!! Btw I am curious how old you are if you don't mind.

I will be turning 27 in April and she turns 25 next month. Her Birthday is in just 2 weeks and at first I was going to send her a text or email wishing her a great day but I will refrain. Why should I? She left ME! She's the one that told ME that it was over.


This week was a slight setback because my ex has been trying to contact me numerous times after I completely ignored her bday. She realizes she will no longer have her cake and eat it too. That feels good.

Change your number or have her blocked. Trust me you will be better off. Somebody that does something like this to you doesn't deserve to have you in their life. You were willing to work things out and she ran for the hills when things got rough. Same situation with me. I wanted to make things work but I couldn't change her and she didn't want to change.

You are going to have your setbacks. I had one a month ago and felt so horrible like it was even worse than when she actually told me she was leaving. You are on the roler coaster my friend. Its natural to feel the way you do. One day you are on top and the next day you are going downhill at an incredible amount of speed with no brakes! Eventually the ride comes to an end and guess what, you get off and go ride another one, a bigger and better one!

I had a dream last night (or rather a nightmare) that she came back and we were going to work things out. A very vivid dream. She appeared to have changed and really wanted to work things out. I told her that I was unsure but that since she drove 5 hours she could at least stay a while. She was not her usual lazy self. She was cooking and cleaning and really wanted to make things up to me. I couldn't believe it. Just before we sat down to dinner, she started yelling at me saying that she was doing all the cooking and cleaning and that I was doing nothing. We argued and argued until I finally couldn't take it anymore. I woke up in tears.

Sorry for being weak but that kind of set me back a little bit and I wanted to vent while it was still fresh in my mind. I know I probably should have just tried to forget about it and put it in the back of my mind but It still hurts. I will not let this ruin my day!

I guess this happened because I almost called her last night. I dialed the number on my cell and just looked at it for a few minutes. Decided it wasn't worth the time and energy and I chose the red button over the green one. Whew! Just when you think you are over someone, this happens. Anyone else gone through the same thing? I had dreams about her after we first broke up but nothing this emotional. I sound like a wuss I know but I can't control my dreams.

I guess maybe the dream was trying to tell me something because it ended in a fight and that just reasures me that it will never work. Like another sign maybe?

Bump in the road New.
Don't worry about it,and dreams are just dreams-I hope you have a good day.

Hello all. I'm a bit tipsy and want to contact my ex, I know it's a bad idea but I just wanted to reach out to all my peeps and get some feedback

Tip from one of your peeps: DO NOT CONTACT HER!! (especially when you are tipsy or worse)

What can I say or do to convince you that I'm right?

Tip 2. Don't drink because then the urge to call her is worse.

This whole thing is tipsy.

Go NC. And get clear. Unclouded. Cleanse.

Alcohol is your problem.

Get that one cleared up, then worry about relationships.

You say you are working on it, but tipsy. Did you mean wasted? You don't need her to quit. Or anyone else to get your life on track.

Start being honest with yourself first. Alcohol clouds things.

Sounds like rehab and a good therapist is in order.

Hey, thanks all! Im glad to say that there was not a drunk dialing session! I didn't call her and will not ever! It was a going away party for one of my lady friends and all that so it was like drink! Drink! Drink! I know. But it was fun and thanks for listening to me.

I had a bump in the road and didn't even want to go out

Fix your problems first.

Thanks for the advice van! I like the one liner. You act like you know me. Now you are saying I have a problem? Or problems?

What do you think?

That's the question. Not for me to answer, really.

You say its easier said then done, To me that sounds like you're not trying or invested in yourself. Only denying.

If you can't do it on you're own, seek some help. We here can only do so much.

YOU have to want it.

You say you've had a prob for 2 years. Think that had something to do with this?

C'mon.

I came here to vent and you are talking about my problems?

This all happened the other night and I'm sober now so why are you attacking me?

I went out with some friends and there was alcohol but that's not the issue here, I just wanted to vent and say I wanted to contact the ex but realized it was a bad idea. One of the drawbacks of NC. Just wanted to tell all that it isn't easy

Sorry man, keep up the sobriety.

And yup, it isn't easy.

There's no attacking. Just honesty.

Glad you didn't drunk dial her again.

Oh me too, I wanted to so bad and that's why I came here cause I can be weak at times and I admit it. That I look back and can honestly say that I am a better person through all this! Not once did she make me dinner or make me feel special ( I did it all the time) but that's not the point. The point is that sometimes things just aren't meant to be and as much as it sux, life is good! And there are plenty of others that want me just as much and more...

Thanks van and I know you mean well

Keep up the sobriety.

I want to completely let go but we still have this house together and she has flown the coop. leaving me with all the bills

So let go.

I have but... her name is still on the loan and that's the ONLY thing that makes me want to contact her. I know that one day I will have to either sell or refinance. I cannot refinance at the moment because I don't make enough money. Do you see the dilema?

Yeah I mean well. Thanks.

Do you?

This is beyond bills, booze, or a girl. What is it you want?

Man up.

I've accepted the fact that our relationship is OVER. I'm not hanging on to false hope or anything like that. Her name is still on the loan to my house and I know that one day I will have to contact her and one of two things will happen...

1. she will get half

2. She will sign a quit claim deed and I will get what I deserve

Well, get that resolved asap.

Then get on.

And learn from this one.

Take a hard look. At yourself first.

You don't understand and I have tried!

Im going to school, Kaplan University, Real estate Law and that's what's funny, Ive built a website, I got things going for me but this house is a huge pain. Its easy for someone to say just walk away...

I guess I don't understand what the question is anymore, you're right.

I am a little late replying to this thread, but I just wanted to point something out. You said there was no signs that she was cheating. BUt yet everyday you came home she was still in her PJ's on the internet. I bet you 1 million doll hairs that she was talking to that married man on the internet!! She got bored at home with no job, depressed, and found comfort in another man on the net! So just so u know in the future, that is a sign!

Also get your house issues fixed ASAP, don't let this wait, the longer you wait, the more you pay in the house, and the more you will have to buy her out for!

Also next time don't ever buy a house with a girl until you are married! Or already common law.
Good luck, keep it up!

If I were you, I would get some good legal advice, and make a decision based on facts. And then move forward with it.

Whatever your approach, make it sooner, rather than later, as waiting until the last minute will leave you more problems than it solves.

Or get some house mates. That's only a temporary solution, though, and you will still have to talk business with her.

Since this is no longer about love, and romance, then she has to do business with you, and if she cannot come up with her part of the contract, for whatever reason, there are legal remedies to take. Find out what they are.

There are some good experts on the legal boards to give you some ideas to get you started on a plan. Ask them.

Ive asked and they all say the same thing. Im talking to an old friend right now that is in the mortgage business. Hopefully she can pull the rabbit out of the hat. Ill let you know how that goes...

To those of you who read my original post, Im sorry. You can skip over this one if you want. I just needed to get this off my chest today so here goes...


To my lost love,


It has been four months since you left and I am still feeling pain. I have had my good days and my bad since you left but it is getting easier with time. Although I will most likely never give you this letter, I wanted you to know how I feel based on facts and not emotions. I have started thinking with my head instead of my heart and have gained a lot of perspective on life. I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me…….

In sitting here today, I see several things that went wrong in our 3 year relationship. We moved too fast and got too comfortable with each other much too soon. I loved you from day one but that didn’t seem to be enough for you. I took you under my wing and tried to be there for you when you needed me. We had a lot of good times and I think they outweighed the bad. We didn't have our first fight until after 2 years and we made up quickly. That is why I thought you were so special. I have never met anyone like you Leeann. You were the sweetest thing. I wanted to be there with you and, for you, until the death. I beat myself up for quite some time after the ending of us, blaming myself and my drinking and not giving you your space. Feeling like I pushed you away by begging when I could have just let it be and maybe things would have worked out and you would come back to me.

The fact is that this relationship was over long before you left and that’s why it’s hard for me because I didn’t see it coming. You lost your job and became depressed, I get that. I was there for you. I supported you. I have gone through many stages throughout this whole ordeal and I’m finally in the healing stage. I went through depression because the best thing I had going for me just walked out of my life and left me alone and feeling cold. I was angry because I was seriously trying to work on my problems and every day I would come home after a hard day’s work and you would be sitting on the couch still in your pajamas on Facebook. I could tell that you had just started the laundry maybe 10-20 minutes before I got home. What the hell did you do all day? You say you applied online for 20 jobs one day and yet you never got an interview or phone call. I told you to follow up and you never did, although you said you would.

The fact is, you didn’t want to work on the relationship and that was clear. We both realized and admitted our faults and I was going to meetings working on myself and you did squat! I can only imagine you met someone on Facebook and left me for him.(even though you deny it) I know this because I logged into your Facebook account after you moved out and checked your messages.(you know this because I confronted you about it) You were talking all lovie to a married man that you went to school with. You tell me on the phone that he was after me… but why in the first place? Did you think he was going to leave his wife and come take you away from your parents house and take care of you like I did? What were you thinking? I can deal with a relationship not working out and people moving on but leaving me for a married man and lying about it, saying that we aren’t broken up you just want to move all your stuff out of the house we own TOGETHER and “go find yourself”? What a coward. Why do people do this? String you along when they know in their hearts its over. I guess I never will understand that one

Why did you lie to me? Why say you want to get your life on track, tell me you still love me and are not breaking up with me then move out? Why can't you face your problems here? Why do you need to go on a break? I have come to the realization that you are not worth my time, love, company, or emotions. You were not willing to work on the relationship and I don’t deserve that. I practically gave up my military career for you. I cussed my own mother out for you. I stood up for you. You did the opposite. You ran away. I will not let this happen again. I will find someone that wants to be with me, no matter what, and not just say it! But actually show it and do it.

I wish you the best, I truly do. And I don’t hate you for what you did to me. Your feelings changed and I realize that now. I thought you were worth it but I was lying to myself. I don’t deserve that at all. No one does. You might realize that you lost a great thing, you might not. Don’t come crying back to me because my heart, that was shattered into a billion pieces, is just about intact again and I will not allow it to be shattered again. My dog deserves my loyalty, you do not.




Do you think I'm over her? Almost I think. It feels good to say that!

I think you are getting over her. Great letter. :)

Yea, I should have written it sooner because I feel so much better now. Thanks for listening!

After I was broken up with, I wrote letters for about 2 weeks straight every night and I also would always write what I felt that day (ex. Sad, angry, lonely). Then one day I realized I hadn't written for a few days. I thought, Wow I totally forgot to even write. It was a great feeling :) After that I threw out all the letters and stuff. :)

I reckon you are doing well Newguy, I had the "want to find myself" bull too from my girl. No courage, no respect for the person you shared a relationship with :(

But you are out of it now. Keep going!

Update...

So its been 2 1/2 months since I've had ANY contact with her and today I get this email from her:

Hello,
I know I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I thought that since it's been a couple of months it'd be safe to have a normal conversation. I hope you've been doing well since we've last talked and have been taking care of yourself first and foremost. And you may not believe it, but I do think about you often and wonder how you're doing. I hope Roscoe is doing well too :) As you know, Im trying to move back to Florida. That'll probably beduring the summer... but to be able to move, we need to figure out something with the house. As rational adults. I don't want us to fight anymore. It won't solve anything, and I'd actually like to have a good relationship with you. I feel as thought enough time has passed that we can start being friendly with each other at least. :) Anyway, I know you don't want to see my name in your inbox... so I'll let you go now.



I knew this would come one day and I knew we would have to work out the house situation as adults. Im like 99% over her but not completely.

I do think we could be friends but I don't want to start talking to her and bring up those feelings again.

I know I have to respond, Im just not sure what to say or how to say it.


For those of you reading this. NC contact works for healing, it really does! We've been apart 5 months and its been 2 1/2 months NC. Had I initiated it from the beginning, I would be well over her.

The only point of discussion at this point would be her share of the mortgage she hasn't paid on, and any future arrangements to keep the mortgage paid, until the home can be sold, and the proceeds split, or split the loss.

Get your business head back in the game, and handle your business, and worry about the fluff stuff later!

Unbelievable your feelings are distracting you from the only real business you have to deal with.

Have you talked to a lawyer about the housesituation?
Get the legalities sorted.

As for the friendship,I hope you are not even considering it.

Yeah.

What is the situation?

Is her name on the mortgage?

What situation does she want to figure out?

Nice letter, but...
"As you know, Im trying to move back to Florida. That'll probably beduring the summer...but to be able to move, we need to figure out something with the house."

About her, not you. Money.

Van, Yes her name is on the mortgage. I cannot refinance because I have too much debt. We are upsidedown abouy $25k so I don't want to sell.

I got some legal advice on base but they do not specialize in realestate. I was referred to a real estate attorney and have been saving up money for a retainer. I am planning to go sometime around the 10th of this month. I should have a little extra cash by then. I am told a case like this is somewherre in the ballpark of $5-6k, and that I don't have.

I understand she is trying to be sincere but it seems she has her motive i.e. moving back to Florida.

Something tells me she will not be able to apply for credit or obtain a lease anywhere with this mortgage on her credit, so in a sense she is stuck.

That's a good motivation for you both to put your heads together, and handle your business.

Romance is dead, but its in both you're interest to handle business. This is more like a divorce, than a break up!

This is more like a divorce, than a break up!


Tell me about it!I just want it finalized already!!

Any updates?

Yes, I went and saw a Real estate attorney on Thursday and basically told me all the same things that I had already known. We are stuck. She can technically sue me for partition but it would cost her $2500 for a retainer and she would be responsible for half of what we owe (which is somewhere around $20,000)

Basically he told me that she is the one in the tight spot as I can still afford the payments and have been doing so all along.

It does suck that this freaking house is still preventing us from moving on completely. For now... we wait till the market turns around or I can find a bank that will give me a loan.

Fingers crossed the market turns around. :-)

Im letting the house go. Ive been saving up all that money. My state is behind 2 years on forclosures so who knows what will happen.

I haven't heard from the ex in quite sometime and Im glad! The house was the onlything that was keeping us tied up and now I don't have to worry about her anymore. I can finally move on completely now!

And how does it feel to have a plan in force that gives you your freedom back? It has to feel great.

It feels wonderful. It might take me sometime to rebuild my credit but for the first time, I actually feel free again.

A long battle, fought, won. Congratulations!

Bingo! Good luck and take care!