Recently, I have been trying to be more spiritual and christian like, although I don't necessarily "feel it" per se, but there was a recent point in time where due to a bad breakup I had, (and my depression) some of my friends who are 'spiritual" were encouraging me to jump on the bandwagon.

Anyway, the point is that I had already grown up in a conservative organized religion, and I feel as if I'm already "done" with that part of my life. BUT, my friends - the ones who have led lives filled with drugs, sex etc etc, (while I was a good conservative christian) are now turning spiritual and so I decided to continue with the flow.

Whenever my friends praised God, I'd join in with them.

WEll, the time is coming when i don't feel like doing this anymore - not because I don't believe in God but because I simply feel that people should accept me for who I am - not for what I believe in. If I dont' feel like going to church, they should accept this.

Point in case, one of my "spiritual" friends had invited me to view his facebook, and there he was - although he praises God and shows me bible texts all the time, he blocked me from viewing certain pictures of his with his girlfriend lol, as if I would take offense at them. The thing is that I wouldn't. In fact, I have many friends who are not "spiritual" so I don't know what the big deal is. But I don't want people to see me as this "good girl" which is the feeling that I get. I don't want that.

Then, my ex husband, who also has a facebook lol, and who grew up conservative christian and who eventually cheated on me and committed adultery - well I saw that his parents who practice shunning as part of their religion - actually added him on their facebook.

Anyway, I don't want to bore you guys with this, but I don't understand my own psychology. You see, I want that. I want to be loved even if I'm the devil incarnate. (which I'm not but you get the point)

I have a spiritual webpage that my friends post on, but I feel like taking it down becuase first of all, I don't necesarily feel spiritual, and second of all, I don't want to be "boxed in" feeling that my friends only accept me if I am spiritual and that they're afraid of holding certain conversations with me because they're afraid of how I may see them.

But I'm torn. It's just that I see how my "spiritual" friends accept their other friends who are not necessarily the greatest people, and I want to have that honor - just like my idiot ex husband who was accepted by his family and who is loved even though he committed the ultimate sin.

So what's wrong with me? Lol

I believe in living my life for me. I am kind and considerate, and hold my integrity above all else. BUT I also tell it like it is. If I didn't want to be "pegged" as spiritual or whatever, I would tell people how I was feeling. "That's nice, but I'm not practicing anymore"- in relation to religion, or just become more blunt "I would not be offended, I believe in God, but I'm not a nun!"... eventually I think they'll get the picture. (Just my opinion)

I went to church today and I heard some interesting sermon. Ken Duncan, a famous Australian artist said that you don't have to be a fruit cake (acting crazy) or dragging people by the neck to prove that you are a Christian.