My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 weeks, she was just out of a relationship at the beginning of the semester, he broke up with her, but now he wants her back but she wouldn't take him back, so I guess she could be considered the dumper. She told me up front that she didn't want a serious relationship with me like she had before, but that it could work out. She told me that she still was in love with her ex, but that she wouldn't let her feelings for him have any effect on our relationship, and it doesn't seem like it has, she doesn't really bring him up. But he still emails her, and whenever he does, she gets really upset. Yesterday she told him that she wanted to get back with him, and that it was hard for her to not go back, but that it wasn't healthy for them right now. She then later told him that she felt like she was emotionally cheating on me, and that she can't talk to him for a while because its unfair for her to be caught up with him while she's with me. He asked her if it meant they were over for good, but she told him that's not what she meant, and that he needs to be patient, and give her the space that she needs and if that he really wanted her he would let her go for a while. I just read these emails cause she left them up on her laptop, and left it in my room this morning when she went to class. I've been googling the signs of a rebound relationship, and we don't really fit them too well, cause we aren't sleeping together, and we aren't saying I love you, but the fact that she told him she wants him back but couldn't take him back right now, and then she came back and told him to not talk to her cause she felt guilty makes me a bit nervous. Can she really be in love with him and not let it effect or relationship?

She s nowhere near over her ex and regardless of the two of you not having sex etc that makes you her rebound. She should take time to recover from the breakup instead of trying to jump into a new relationship.
Leaving the laptop s a big hint, I suggest you take it and bow out.

You are just a warm body to get her company. She has yet to deal with her own feelings and before she does that, you are just going to be easily replaced

she told me up front that she didn't want a serious relationship with me like she had before, but that it could work out. She told me that she still was in love with her ex.

Pretty much says it all right here, no need to read further. She seems to be extremely honest with you. I know if someone told me this, I would be gone, no questions asked. I would think the signs are pretty clear to you right now, so leave before you get hurt.

She is not over her EX at all and I think at the end of the day you are going to be disapointed. I think it would be best if you just backed away now. She needs to deal with her own issues!

I am sure she has walls up from her ex which will block her from wanting or considering a serious relationship any time soon. She sounds stuck between needing to get over him and wanting to move on. That's a confusing point to be in and now your right in the middle. If I were you I would just bow out and wish her luck. She is playing mind games and keeping you both hanging on even if she doesn't realize it. Before you get to deep I would move on before you get hurt.

The thing is, she said she doesn't let her feelings for her ex interfere with her feelings for me. I thought that if we were in a rebound, she would transfer her emotions from him to me, but since she keeps them separate, maybe its different? And she felt guilty for emotionally cheating on me by talking to her ex about their relationship, that means that she does care about me right? She told him all she wants for him is happiness so I know she cares about him. She told him she was in a lot of pain and that their breakup has been effecting her grades, and that whenever he emails her, she breaks down that's why she doesn't want to talk to him, so I feel like I'm her knight in shining armor

You cannot be in love with someone and logically date someone else. That is robbing you of a true relationship and that person's complete devotion to you. I'm sorry, but to have feelings that deep for someone else and still date another guy, it is impossible to not let that interfere. I am stunned you sat there and let her say that to you and you are still talking yourself into this being a normal and healthy start to a relationship. Why would you want to date someone who is in love with another guy?

But she also said these things, which I would take as red flags:



My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 weeks, she was just out of a relationship at the beginning of the semester, he broke up with her, but now he wants her back but she wouldn't take him back, so I guess she could be considered the dumper. she told me up front that she didn't want a serious relationship with me like she had before, but that it could work out. She told me that she still was in love with her ex, but that she wouldn't let her feelings for him have any effect on our relationship, and it doesn't seem like it has, she doesn't really bring him up. But he still emails her, and whenever he does, she gets really upset. Yesterday she told him that she wanted to get back with him, and that it was hard for her to not go back, but that it wasn't healthy for them right now. She then later told him that she felt like she was emotionally cheating on me, and that she can't talk to him for a while because its unfair for her to be caught up with him while she's with me. He asked her if it meant they were over for good, but she told him thats not what she meant, and that he needs to be patient, and give her the space that she needs and if that he really wanted her he would let her go for a while. I just read these emails cause she left them up on her laptop, and left it in my room this morning when she went to class. I've been googling the signs of a rebound relationship, and we don;t really fit them too well, cause we aren't sleeping together, and we aren'tsaying I love you, but the fact that she told him she wants him back but coulndt take him back right now, and then she came back and told him to not talk to her cause she felt guilty makes me a bit nervous. Can she really be in love with him and not let it effect or relationship??

To be honest with you, she's out of my league, many people were shocked when we started dating, but we do have a lot in comon, and I've been doing a lot of stuff for her that she likes, like we went hiking and she said she;s never done that before.

But I never thought I'd be with her, last semester she was with her ex and she was crazy of her and very loyal. Now that I have the chance, I don't want to let it go. She told her boyfriend to not talk to her cause she was with ME now, and she felt like she was emotionally cheating on me by talking to him. Does that count for anything?

And the fact that she was open with me about it, that she has feelings for her ex it made me feel like she wants it to work and she wants to be completely honest with me, but she says that since he was her first love, she will always be in love with him, which I guess means it doesn't matter if we start dating now, or 3 years from now she's still going to feel the same way about him.

The thing is, we do get along, and have fun, it almost seems like we're a normal relationship, just going a little slow, but she said that her feelings for her ex won't effect her relationship with me... is that possible? I'm so confused just about that one part

I am getting the feeling you have very low self esteem.

But she also said these things, which I would take as red flags:

But the context that she used him in, was that she wasn't going back to him, I guess he was trying to convince her that she still cared about him, but she just came out and said that she does want to be with him, but she can't, can u be with someone, and want to be with another person, and still fall in love with the other person? Is there anyway that she could fall for me?

I am getting the feeling you have very low self esteem.

Well its not that, she likes my confidence she said, but she's a beauty queen, and people were like shocked when we started dating, I mean I'm not going to pretend like she can't get a better looking guy than me, a lot of her friends asked her what she was thinking but she didn't care, that also makes me feel good about our relationship

Well its not that, she likes my confidence she said, but she's a beauty queen, and people were like shocked when we started dating, i mean i'm not going to pretend like she can't get a better looking guy than me, a lot of her friends asked her what she was thinking but she didn't care, that also makes me feel good about our relationship

You don't have a relationship! This is absurd! If Megan Fox walked up to me and said all those things I wouldn't care! I am not going to get used like that. Every single response to your post has been to get out and you still don't listen. It's like you want us to say, "Go ahead and date her, it will work out." There is a general theme here. If you had any sort of confidence or self preservation you wouldn't sit there listen to her BS about her ex, you would be gone!

Thank you, I understand what you mean.. and I should def. get out, but she's not the type of girl to use someone, like I said she's very loyal, she didn't cheat on her boyfriend at all last year and they're at different colleges, she's a very very nice girl, my last question is, if she's using me, is it possible she's doing it without knowing?
I appreciate all the advice everybody

Let me ask you an honest question: If she wasn't as beautiful as you protest, would we even be having this conversation?

I think so, because, looks aren't everything, and she's a deep girl. The reason why I'm concerned here is because she told her ex this,exact copy paste from the email

" I think you understand that I do want to be with you, I do care about you, as bad as I want to come back to you, we're both not ready for a relationship so serious"

And in an email a few hours later, after we had hung out she said

"I'm not going to talk to you for a very long time, our emotions are high right now and all we are doing is prolonging the pain. I have a boyfriend now and I feel like I'm emotionally cheating on him by being caught up with you. Whether you like it or not, he's there and we both have to respect him...my feelings for you do not have ANY effect on my relationship with him"

I just don't know what that means. She told me before we started dating that she wanted him to move on, but telling him that isn't going to help him want to move on cause its giving him false hope. It doesn't seem liike her ex is effecting our relationship...

If her ex wasn't affecting your relationship you wouldn't be posting here.You ll end up hurting that's our concern.

If her ex wasnt affecting your relationship you wouldnt be posting here.You ll end up hurting thats our concern.

To be honest, that's not my concern. I am more concerned about that fact that this is so blatant and you neglect to even see the signs here.

KCTiger rule: NEVER get involved with a woman who is still involved with her ex.

If her ex wasnt affecting your relationship you wouldnt be posting here.You ll end up hurting thats our concern.

But he really hasn't had any effect until now, and the only reason I'm here is because she left the emails up, and I saw them when she left for class, she usually leaves her laptop at my room after we have breakfast and she goes to class, but she left her email up and I saw she was emialing her ex, so she hasn't brought him up, I just ran across it

To be honest, that's not my concern. I am more concerned about that fact that this is so blatant and you neglect to even see the signs here.

KCTiger rule: NEVER get involved with a woman who is still involved with her ex.

I understand, I really do, when you mean involved with your ex, what do you mean?

I understand, I really do, when you mean involved with your ex, what do you mean?

She is still talking to her ex, has feelings for her ex and talks to you about that. She is still involved with her ex, both physically and emotionally.

I have to ask where did she get the magic formula to separate her emotions?

Is she a robot?

Its impossible to just switch from feelings of possible love to feelings of hurt and loss..

She may say she respects you,but her actions are showing she thinks you're a chump... they are only words.

Has she ever been on her own? Ever without a boyfriend?

And what age group are we talking here,sounds like 12 and 13 year behaviour...

Pick up yourself respect,and find a girl who will treat you right...

She is still talking to her ex, has feelings for her ex and talks to you about that. She is still involved with her ex, both physically and emotionally.

Physically they aren't involved, she hasn't seen him since they broke up, he goes to a college over 2 hours away. The only time she talks to her ex is when he messages her. I read some old emials and she always asks him to stop, and then he does, but he will like a week later. And the only time she's really brought him up was at the beginning she just told me that hse still has feelings for him, I thnk she did that so that I would understand her better and so that she didn't end up hurting me

i have to ask where did she get the magic formula to seperate her emotions?

is she a robot?

its impossible to just switch from feelings of possible love to feelings of hurt and loss..

she may say she respects you,but her actions are showing she thinks your a chump...they are only words.

has she ever been on her own? ever without a boyfriend?

and what age gruop are we talking here,sounds like 12 and 13 year behaviour...

pick up your self respect,and find a girl who will treat you right...

We are all sophomores in college, she dated him for 3 years, so I guess since she was 16, and that was her first boyfriend, they were broken up for 3 weeks before we started dating. So I guess she hasn't really been single for a while.

As a woman? You think its impossible to separate feelings for an ex, from our relationship?

And you have to also understand that she told him to leave her alone because she felt lke she was emotionally cheating on me by talking to him about their old relationship. Does that not mean anything either? She clearly told him she has a boyfriend now and that they have to respect that, that maybe a friendship is possible in the future, but every time they talk it just prolongs the pain of the relationship.

She also told him that their breakup has effected her and her grades and that she's always going to care about him

... idk the tone of the emials changed dramatically after we hung out yesterday, before she saw me, she was explaining to him why they broke up, going over their relationship, when she got back, she just told him, "im not talkin to you anymore, you need to be patient you dont get what you want when you're in a rush"

If you sit back and think here for a second...

You want her to fall in love with you? Yes?

She can't see straight because he is calling her,and she still has feelings for him.

Until she resolves her feelings for him and recovers from the breakup you and she will not stand a chance.

If your willing to hang on and stay with her until the bitter end,where she says.. I really like you but.. or,I just want you as a friend.. you get the jist... well,fair enough.

Is she worth getting your heart broken?

Only you can answer that.

And no,man,nor woman can heal that fast from a broken relationship,it might look like it from the outside,but you can tell by their actions they are hurting.

if you sit back and think here for a second...

you want her to fall in love with you? yes?

she can't see straight because he is calling her,and she still has feelings for him.

untill she resolves her feelings for him and recovers from the breakup you and she will not stand a chance.

if your willing to hang on and stay with her untill the bitter end,where she says..i really like you but..or,i just want you as a friend..you get the jist...well,fair enough.

is she worth getting your heart broken?

only you can answer that.

and no,man,nor woman can heal that fast from a broken relationship,it might look like it from the outside,but you can tell by their actions they are hurting.


Sigh... is that inevitable? Even if she told her ex she won't talk to him for a while? I think she might have blocked his email.

People are trying to reason with you here and getting nowhere, so I'll be harsh. You are completely delusional about your relationship. She is basically screaming at you that she is not in a place to be in a relationship and you refuse to see it. You come here and ask for advice and every person gives you the same answer and you ignore and counter it. It's clear you've never been through one of these situations before, and I feel for you, but if you had, you would be gone so fast there'd be one of those cartoon sound effects. She can tell you what she wants, but she is not over her ex, and cannot be in an honest relationship with anyone else until she is. You want to believe that you can have her, and that she is present, so it's overriding every other blaring siren and flaring red flag that says otherwise. And someone who is truly over someone, and doesn't want to be with them, doesn't spend time telling them so. She would simply move on and not talk to him. The textbook on this one is that if you stick around, she's going to stomp on your heart, all the time saying she didn't mean to and how sorry she is, which won't make it hurt for you any less. Your choice.

People are trying to reason with you here and getting nowhere, so I'll be harsh. You are completely delusional about your relationship. She is basically screaming at you that she is not in a place to be in a relationship and you refuse to see it. You come here and ask for advice and every person gives you the same answer and you ignore and counter it. It's clear you've never been through one of these situations before, and I feel for you, but if you had, you would be gone so fast there'd be one of those cartoon sound effects. She can tell you what she wants, but she is not over her ex, and cannot be in an honest relationship with anyone else until she is. You want to believe that you can have her, and that she is present, so it's overriding every other blaring siren and flaring red flag that says otherwise. And someone who is truly over someone, and doesn't want to be with them, doesn't spend time telling them so. She would simply move on and not talk to him. The textbook on this one is that if you stick around, she's going to stomp on your heart, all the time saying she didn't mean to and how sorry she is, which won't make it hurt for you any less. Your choice.

Okay, I appreciate the tough love, I've been in a relationship before, but she's such a good catch I didn't want to let her go, but I guess I have to realize that no matter what I do, it won't end well. I appreciate you guys, sorry for being so hard-headed.

No worries man, Just keep you head up. We all looked for excuses to stay in something that deep down inside we knew would never work. From your post you can tell you were looking for something serious with her, and from the begning she said that she wasn't. That is a big conflict of interest there.

How do I go about ending it? How do I tell her, because I have a feeling that if I bring up how she's feeling she's just going to tell me that it's not an issue, and that she's keeping it separate from me.

You don't let what she says affect your decision. You simply tell her "I don't think this arrangement is working out, I want more than you can emotional handle right now. I understand you are going through a lot and I am sorry it came to this"

Okay, so for future reference, if a girl still loves her ex, then it won't work out and you are being used as a rebound even if not intentionally?

Maybe not a rebound but it won't work out. I haven't heard too many tales of it working out.

What would it be if it's not a rebound?

Experience? Only she knows and she may not know. You could take her mind off things

Okay, I appreciate the tough love, I've been in a relationship before, but she's such a good catch I didn't want to let her go, but I guess I have to realize that no matter what I do, it won't end well. I appreciate you guys, sorry for being so hard-headed.

She might be beautiful and out of your league as you say, but that doenst make it right that she is only leading you to hurt. I think in her mind she wants to move on. Her heart is with her ex. You don't have that. You deserve better. Don't sit around and play second fiddle while her mind is someplace else.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 weeks, she was just out of a relationship

And her being beautiful you think she can be trusted with your heart after 3 weeks of dating? The red flag is that your already in too deep, for your own good and have no objectivity, or self preservation instinct kicking in to slow you down.


He broke up with her, but now he wants her back but she wouldn't take him back, so I guess she could be considered the dumper.

Wrong, she got dumped and intends to make him suffer. That's where you come in. She has a new boyfriend already? Come on guy recognize, what she is doing to him.


She told me up front that she didn't want a serious relationship with me like she had before, but that it could work out.

Sure it could, but that's so far down the line, YOU Can't SEE IT!

I could add a lot more, as I was just getting started, but it would all be in the same tone. Your so fixated on her so fast your ignoring the facts and the red flags and need to step back and take a better look without the love bugs in your eyes.

You are a rebound for sure, and as soon as she wakes up from her fog, she will be ready to either go back to him, or worse find some one else, and I don't care what she says, your only filling a hole in her soul until she heals completely.

She will be grateful for your help during a bad time in her life, and appreciate it greatly, but romance will not be your reward, or having a good partner. So have fun on your dates but get your head out of the clouds and keep your heart out of her hands.

This isn't love fella, no way, from her, or from you. Just two needy people who are in the same place, at the same time, who are trying to feel good again, but just don't know how. I think you both get hurt in this one.

Your safe, and she is beautiful, do some thinking here dude, with your head and not your heart.

You are a rebound for sure, and as soon as she wakes up from her fog, she will be ready to either go back to him, or worse find some one else, and I don't care what she says, your only filling a hole in her soul until she heals completely.


The reason why I'm reluctant to think that I'm a rebound is because she told me at the beginning that she isn't over her ex, I was okay with that, the reason why I'm upset is cause yesterday in the email she told him that it was hard for her to not go back to him. This would make me want to break up with her, but she came back and told him that she can't talk to him anymore because she has me and she doesn't want to emotionally cheat on me. But then she told him that if he really loved her and wanted her he has to be patient, which made me nervous again. She sent like mixed signals, and I'm reading mixed signals, part of it says she wants him back, the other part says, she has aboyfriend now so he needs to leave her alone

Why waste your time when you already don't know where you stand with her. She needs the time and space to heal from her ex and you should give her that. Use her words and tell her you want to be with her but its not the right time. Then walk away and leave her to heal. Beauty is only skin deep. You might be getting the pats on the back right now but what will it be when she leaves you knee deep in heart ache.

She isn't sending you mixed signals at all, but your receiving them. She has clearly told you where her head is, and she is telling you she needs to heal without that romantic stuff clouding her head.

She is wanting a friend who understands where she is at, and needs help to get through it. All you see is clouded by your supposedly good luck, a pretty face and false hope, and a lot of insecurity.

That because your thinking with your heart, and your needs, and can't even see beyond what you want, and what your afraid of. You aren't paying very close attention, because if you did, it would be about a friend helping a friend, not losing a girlfriend.

That's why your in real danger of getting your heart broken, because your expecting something she can't give you, and that's what you want. Back away dude because you don't have the help to give her, nor the means. Don't be mad about it though, just protect your heart, and if you can't see friendship through your feelings you need to break this off and let her heal on her own.

She isn't sending you mixed signals at all, but your receiving them. She has clearly told you where her head is, and she is telling you she needs to heal without that romantic stuff clouding her head.

She is wanting a friend who understands where she is at, and needs help to get thru it. All you see is clouded by your supposedly good luck, a pretty face and false hope, and a lot of insecurity.

That because your thinking with your heart, and your needs, and can't even see beyond what you want, and what your afraid of. You aren't paying very close attention, because if you did, it would be about a friend helping a friend, not losing a girlfriend.

Thats why your in real danger of getting your heart broken, because your expecting something she can't give you, and thats what you want. Back away dude because you don't have the help to give her, nor the means. Don't be mad about it though, just protect your heart, and if you can't see friendship thru your feelings you need to break this off and let her heal on her own.

So basically she just wants the company, even if she thinks she likes me

Maybe she does like you... But I like many girls and none are so special though. She just needs you right now but not for a relationship but as a friend. Can you handle that? That's all this can be. If you let her know that since she told you she doesn't want a relationship but that you like her enough to be in one with her that you have to stop talking to her for a while.

If you leave her alone now... u may have a chance later when she has fully recovered. Right now u don't stand a chance even if she tries to force it, which she is! Don't get hurt. Care about yourself. At least u know you had good and now you know you can find better and never doubt yourself again. Be humble. Be cool! You don't need her... you are better than that. Go back to school with swagger! There will be plenty of girls in your life. Don't worry about this. Ok?

I think she does like you, but not in the way you want her to, nor should she. She is still working through her feelings from her last guy.

Plus another thing your overlooking is its way to early in this thing to be jumping to conclusions about your feelings for each other.

Your in the dating stage where its fun getting to know each other, and enjoying yourself. You sound so carried away by the intense feelings for her, but she is a stranger, with a lot more to learn about.

Then you expect her to walk away from what she has been through, and focus on her feelings for you. Hey dude that's a long way off, and though she may treat you nice, its up to you to pay attention, and keep your perspective, as to where you stand.

For now, just enjoy what you have, but don't expect more. And don't get carried away. You will learn from this, and can have a good time, But protect your heart. Mostly from your own inexperience, and getting in too deep, too fast.

Even if her intentions are pure, she will need space later to process all she has been through, and is going through, and how to deal with her next steps. You may, or may not be a part of that. To early to tell.

Okay, I understand, but I'm still confused. She said when we started that she liked me, but she didn't want a serious relationship with me... yet she said yes when I asked her out. Why would she be my girlfriend if she doesn't want a serious relationship? What defines a serious relationship?

Serious relationship= romance and a commitment to give it your all.

Dating= Having fun getting to know each other. No commitment to romance.

A serious relationship may follow, but right now, she is having fun getting to know you. That's why you keep expectations at a realistic level, and don't get carried away by your own feelings for her. In my mind then its 6 months, and you may know enough to see where you want to go from there.

I believe in dating many, and if one hits your fancy then you can date, by mutual agreement, EXCLUSIVELY! That has always kept me from fixating on one person, and letting my intense feelings get me carried away, and see more to things than what it is.

Often people who are only dating a new person give too much of themselves, and get all hyped up in love, and see more than reality, they start to fantasize, and hope for more.

They fall hard when things change, and it takes a long hard journey to heal from the reality that their partner doesn't feel the same way.

Its important to balance your life with other people, places, and things in your life besides just her, while at this very fragile time, when the juices are really flowing, or you get too attached, and dependent on her for your happiness. That's your responsibility.

She didn't allow herself enough time to get over her ex, and that is a red flag that she jumped too fast into something with you, while she is healing, before she was ready.

Sure she can date and have fun, but like most, after she has healed she will be ready to move beyond the one who helped her heal. Knowing this, enjoy it for what it is, a good time, but hardly a commitment for romance. She is just taking care of her needs, the best way she knows how. Taking care of your needs, is up to you

So I understand now. She probably likes me, but she's not planning on falling in love with me, I'm most likely going to springboard her back to her ex, or to someone else, just bad timing... :-/

Yes, that is a very good possibility. And yes its more bad timing, than anything you have control over. Its mainly up to her, and how she feels, so don't take it personally, because its more her circumstances, and feelings than your.

Just back up emotionally, and have fun with more realistic expectations.

You would hardly be the first one to getting a little ahead of themselves in a relationship though, as we all have at one time or another. Its quite the life lesson to go through. But rewarding, depending on your attitude toward yourself. And your own coping skills.

She told me to add her mom on Facebook, and her and her mom are really close... does this mean anything?

I think you are fishing dude. From the looks of it you are neck deep with her. You are taking her to serious after she told you not to. She made it clear upfront that it wasn't going to be serious. If someone says this upfront. They usually mean it.

I think you are fishing dude. From the looks of it you are neck deep with her. You are taking her to serious after she told you not to. She made it clear upfront that it wasnt going to be serious. If someone says this upfront. They usually mean it.

I understand that, but she told me at the beginning that she likes me, and that she doesn't want a serious relationship with me because she didn't want to make the mistakes she made with her ex. But we have been together for four weeks, I mean, I know its not a long time, but if she didn't want a serious relationship, why is she still with me. And before she never mentioned it, but now she told me to add her mom on Facebook, she talks to her mom about me... I mean I'm young so school me, does this not mean anything?


Maybe she's falling for me?

Think about it -

4 weeks... hmmm not a great deal of time to consider a ''serious'' relationship

She has also told you that she has feelings for her Ex

I totally agree that leaving the laptop is a BIG hint!

Unless you want to be a stepping stone to hurt; let it go!

By the way, take care

Yeah, but she told her ex that she felt guilty cause she was emotionally cheating on me by talking to him about their past relaitonship, I don't know I'm sort of lost about how she feels, do you not think she could change her mind after a month? About wanting a serious relationship?

Be careful as she maybe playing the two of you off against each other - BIGGG ego trip - just a thought but something to bear in mind anyway!

I don't think that's it, but I'll keep it in mind, but , can she change her mind? About not wanting a serious relationship?

I don't know man, I mean for only being together with her for 4 weeks its seems that you are waaay to into her. Right now should be more about fun and not really worrying about how much she likes you or not. She has feelings and is still writing her ex!! You don't deserve that and you should let her get over him first. She told him to be patient with her and when someone says that it means that somewhere down the line she plans on going back to him. I am not saying that she will but as of right now she is consdering that. Why would you want to be with a girl who is pretty much thinking that she wants to be with someone else in the furture. The only thing that you should be doing is enjoying this girls company, not looking for her to be in love with you. It doesn't seem like you are able to do that. You are looking for something deeper with this girl and to be honest I don't think you are going to find that. If you can't just date her and enjoy this moment in time then you need to walk away. It seems like you are setting up yourself to get hurt. Look how you are trying to examine her every word and action. You are thinking tooo much and its only been 4 weeks.

So, just enjoy being around her, but don't anticipate it developing into anything serious? But if it does it does? I guess I can do that, I just like to know before hand if I should be expecting anything

Doesn't sound like she wants any sort of relationship at the moment :)

I think you are invested too much all ready and it will be hard for you just to have fun and not take her serious. I think your best bet would be to walk away.

So, just enjoy being around her, but don't anticipate it developing into anything serious? But if it does it does? I guess I can do that, I just like to know before hand if I should be expecting anything
Nobody can answer that at this time not even her. It's a chance we all take when we date.

doesnt sound like she wants any sort of relationship at the moment :)

I don't know, its tough to call, cause we are officially exclusive, bf/gf, we are in college, and her ex was her only other boyfriend, I have a feeling they'll get back together, I don't know, but I want to know what I can do to prevent that from happening, and see if I can make it work with me and her

Again, just have fun getting to know her. She has obviously latched on to you, so stop thinking and wishing and enjoy the ride while it lasts, or given the facts make a decision.

I think when she told you she didn't want a serious relationship, but an exclusive on, that was the time for questions, and answers.

That would at least been a way to find out where your at instead of being confused.

Okay I will concede your inexperience, and even give you credit for not wanting to lose a good catch. But again I warn you about falling under her charms to fast with knowing the FACTS that you do and that she has been upfront about it.

Trust me, if her mind changes, you will be the first to know.

Now why does she want her mother on your Facebook list? That's odd to me. Now that's something you don't have to assume what it means, and should ask about. Have you met or something??

So, she told her ex that she doesn't think they'll happen again, she still got upset the last time they talked, but they aren't going to anymore. Lately we've been getting really close, I think she's falling for me, we had our 1 month aniv. And things went well... I guess here is a case where the rebound works out!

How would you know after only a month?

The only thing that's happened is she decided to stop talking to an ex.

Of course that's good news to you, but don't get carried away.

I hate to say this but for some crazy reason I don't think it's the last time she will talk to her EX. Maybe she will but I wouldn't get my hopes to high. They seem to have a lot of un finished biz. You guys have only been together for a short period. I would slow it down a bit.

I don't understand how you can't start falling for someone after a month? She really likes me, we spend a lot of time together, I don't suspect that she's over her ex yet because the last argument they had she got pretty upset, but they won't talk anymore so she'll get over him. I mean if she's been with me for a month, she should have a good idea of who I am, and probably thinks it'll be a long term thing right? I thought relationships either fizzled out in the first month or so, and if not they usually make it to at least the 8th month mark

When we come out of a relationship we need time out to heal from the breakup-going from one relationship to another means we haven't got rid of the baggage from the previous one.
That's why rebounds seldom work.

This isn't basketball, but I'm going for the rebound.
I don't even care how stupid I sound.
I'll ignore all the signs, ignore her own words.
I'll just send a note of hope, straight up with the birds.

I believe in fairytales, oh yes, oh yes I do.
I'll keep telling myself this, even if I know it's not true.
She seems to confuse me many times.
It's kind of getting lame, just like all these rhymes.

She wants me, but she also wants the ex.
Says she will forget him, will she forget the sex?
This relationship is already taking its toll.
I know I should move on, but I'll ignore my role.

I'll drive myself crazy, I will settle for less.
This devilish relation, I hope God will bless.
I'll be her rebound, though she needs her time to heal.
I will ignore what my brain is saying, because this is how I feel.

I guess I will learn the hard way, not listening to you.
Thanks for all the hard work, but nothing you can do.
I will continue ignoring your advice, as you can see.
So when you are finally right, I'll be back on AMHD!

I still don't understand, no matter what... she needs time before she gets into a new relationship? We are taking it slow, I mean I'm catching feelings quickly but its been a month and we have been taking it slow, I heard that helps the relationship, she still doesn't mention her ex even though, up until now they were talking every few days, but she said she was done with him, done talking, she doesn't think they're going to get back together again, she's very loyal so all her focus is on me now

For the first 4/5/6 months proceed with caution is all anyone is telling you because things generally are awesome in the beginning. She is awesome. That's human. Its when you have been together a while you start noticing things about her you didn't know, and learning her beyond the romantic notions dancing in your head.

Relationships are like your first car, your so thrilled to be riding, you can overlook all the imperfections, but after a while the gas and maintenance makes you deal with reality. Then the upkeep and repairs start piling up, and though you hate it, its time for a new car.

Look, all everyone is saying to fall so deep, so soon, that you can't pay attention and protect your heart. Enjoy yourself, but keep it real, and don't put her on a pedestal, and worship her as a goddess, because the simple truth is you have a lot more to learn, about her, and yourself.

Had to spread the rep but Tal I think your car anlaogy is dead on. LP2009- just take it easy bro. Right now its supposed to be fun, fun and more fun.

So I'm not in a rebound?

I am confused as to what it is you are asking or trying to get out of this relationship. To me, its pretty clear that her and her ex are not over each other or the relationship. So if it looks like a rebound, smells like a rebound then its probably a rebound. Again I don't know for sure but from the information provided that's what it seems like to me.

LP2009, you are definitely the rebound. I am in a very very similar situation. No matter what she says to you, she obviously has feelings for her ex. He is going to remain in her life for a while. She hasn't had time to get over him or him over her. Right now, it sounds like she is just looking for companionship. Someone to keep her warm at night. Someone to validate the fact that she is worth something to another human. She doesn't want to deal with the feelings, hurt and pain of a break up.

She said she didn't want a serious relationship - but you are exclusive - which doesn't make sense. You are just waiting to get your feelings hurt. She could get back with her ex boyfriend, or realize she is just using you for the companionship. You could realize she is using you for the companionship and then want to bail.

My most recent "relationship" if you can call it that was me being someone else's rebound after a divorce - he told me he was over it - yet still has to deal with her - and in the end he just wanted the companionship so as not to realize that night time is lonely when you are single. My feelings got hurt, but at least I recognized it for what it was. Ya he was an awesome guy - bbut the timing was off.

If you are going to stick it out - you need to set some boundaries - go out and see other people - let her do the same - she doesn't want a serious relationship - then you shouldn't be in one. Hang out and have fun but don't go over board. Realize its about having fun and not about ending up in a relationship because your feelings will get hurt.

Honestly - you should tell her she needs time to sort things out and give you a calling a few months and just leave her alone until then - but I don't think you are willing to do that. So just becareful who you give your heart away to.

The car analogy a few posts earlier - is DEAD ON!

So her ex put on his fb status the other day that he was really sick with the flu, she sent him a text while she was with me that said "i'll pray for you, feel better" and that was it, he replied to her saying that all he could think about was her and she hasn't spoken to him since, it makes me really mad that he won't let it go, she told him it was over but she still sent him a text message, even if she meant it just to be nice he probably didn't interpret it that way

I read some of these posts. Whatever you do - don't push her to stop talking to him. If their attachment breaks slowly it is good for you. If it doesn't, you will know, and you can move on with all the lessons you learn from this process. If she (or you) forces herself to stop now, some time later you will find her going back to him. Let her get over it in her own way. Let her explore her way out of this.

Interesting post tara, why do you say that?

I say this because she should experience the loss now, and so should he. He should see her grieve, and she should grieve to let him go completely, slowly. Otherwise, both of them will remain stuck in old times.

You don't worry- they broke up for a reason. It had nothing to do with you. That reason still holds, and you are fine as long as you take care of yourself and don't try too hard.

So I just called her and she was really upset, I asked her why and she said her ex won't leave her alone and keeps sending her long messages on fb and every time she gets one she starts crying, I'm almost tempted to leave her. She said that our relationship has nothing to do with her and her ex's problems and that I shouldn't worry, I asked her what he said and she said its not important and she said she will always be in love with him but she can't be with him, it hurts me to see her so upset and I asked her to block him on fb but she siad that was really mean and immature and she'd never do that, I don't know what to do about this situation I almost want to walk out, but at the same time, issues only come up whenver he sends her a message, if they aren't talking everything is fine and she's happy but whenever he starts talking to her its like he knows how to push her buttons and make her sad, should I say something to him?

Sorry guy, she must learn on her own that the only way she can heal, and move on is go through the very difficult process of NO CONTACT. Unless she does, she will be upset, until she is tired of being upset. Since you have already spoken to her about this, let her make up her own mind and maybe back away until she does.

This is basically her problem to fix, not yours, even though it affects you both!!

Almost 3 months we've been together, and things are really going well. We don't fight, she's falling for me. I sent her mom a message telling her happy birthday and she said "thanks for making my daughter happy!", she is no longer and contact with her ex, she's only focused on me right now and I couldn't be happier, I'm just a little scared that she's projecting her feelings for him on me, even though I'm trying really hard to make her happy. She still loves her ex but doesn't talk about him, I don't want to get hurt... I'm really really falling for this girl

Good Luck dude! I'm glad your happy and she's happy. It is hard to stop caring about someone, so hopefully she isn't projecting her feelings of him onto you. Hopefully she likes you for you completely separately from the ex. It is good that they aren't talking. If she does start to talk to him again - watch out.

The last thing you need is to be insecure and doubting yourself. Enjoy this as much as you can and show her she made a good choice. That's what all the risks are all about.

If you worry about getting hurt, you probably will because you can't give it all you got. Your better than that.