Ok so, problems in the marriage... I'm going to try to condense this.

Often my husband will come home a bit "lit" after work which often makes way for some heated arguments. Of course, I try to not ruffle his feathers but he tries every way he can to get to me. It's impossible. Mean, nasty things are said. He gets physical. He makes me crazy. We do have our good moments but it seems like there are more bad ones; we fight A LOT. I will admit I can be a bit naggy at times but do mind that I have a one-year old and a group of 6th graders that keep me VERY busy and VERY tired. My mind isn't always "fresh". We have tried working on this but it always ends up becoming the same again. I'm starting to get worried about how this will affect my child along with how separating from my husband would affect her. It feels like a lose/lose situation. He's a wonderful dad, can be a big help, good provider... he's just not treating me like the mother of his child let alone his wife. I just don't know what to do... need some advice, maybe someone to relate to. Thanks all!

You need to get out before your child gets old enough to upset him when he comes home drunk.

Your child deserves to not grow up in a household that is walking on eggshells because daddy "doesn't feel well".

Get out of the house with your child and IF you really want to work on your marriage from there that is your choice. However, he needs help and until he gets a wake up call that he actually listens to, he won't get it.

Let me see, a child growing up thinking that drinking and being abusive is the correct way to live and they learn that the wife is a punching bag and abusing them is the way of life .

Why would anyone think this is even a choice to a way to live.

You get out, or throw him out

Leave.

Trust me, being alone may be hard but not as hard as putting up with abuse.

He's an abuser, is that what you want to teach your child?

Thank you all. I agree. I just struggle with the part of me who wants everything picture perfect and wants to keep my family together. But in the end, when he's like this, it's just not worth it. Getting out on my own scares me... I just wonder if I can do it alone. I'm sure I can. The unknown is uncomfortable. Do you think separating will affect my daughter? I know staying with him and her eventually seeing all of this will affect her negatively... Just feels like a lose/lose for her :(

Which do you truly think will affect her the most negatively:

1) Growing up in a house with her father, learning to walk on eggshells before she truly masters walking on her own two feet, listening to Mommy and Daddy fight, seeing Mommy get hit or worse, possibly making Daddy mad and being the subjected to his anger, being confused because her 'good' daddy isn't a 'good' husband, losing respect for you because you stay, losing respect for him because he isn't a 'man, etc.

Or

2) Growing up in a house where she can play and laugh and run around without fear of annoying a drunk and where you can set clear boundaries that he doesn't get to visit unless he is sober. That can even be put in visitation rights.

There are support groups for families of Alcoholics, I would suggest that you find one. The people there know exactly what you are going through so you will feel less alone. We will still be here to give you advice and support, too.