Hi,

I met my EX at a gig I played, I had been single for a long time and thought she was really cool and fancied her straight off and it also helped that she really fancied me too. We got together that night for about 9 months (long distance relationship) and I visited her as much as I could what with being on tour with my band and stuff. One Fri night I was home working on some music when she called drunk on her way home from the pub with her best mate - she kept repeating her self so I asked her to call me the next day when she'd had some sleep - this apparently annoyed her because she ended up calling her ex and she told me the next day that she'd slept with him. So that was that. I was hurt and didn't want to know her. 3 Months later I was still in love with her so I contacted her and she was seeing someone else, she promptly ditched this guy and said she'd like to see me, so we got back together for a few brilliant months. She has a 9yr old daughter who I think is fantastic and but after I was down visiting for a Week in Easter holidays and having taken her daughter to the cinema she called me and said she didn't think we should be together anymore because her friends didn't think that her daughter liked me. I said I disagreed but that her friends knew her daughter a lot better than me so I wouldn't fight against that. 2 days later she called and said she'd made a terrible mistake because she'd told her daughter of breaking up with me and her daughter got really upset. I couldn't take the forwards and backwards of it all and had lost trust in her a bit so said I didn't think it was a good idea. Over the next 10months she chased me and we saw each other every now and again and would always end up sleeping together, which was nice because it always felt right, but I wasn't quite ready to trust her completley. Anyway, that xmas went by when I'd been to visit and give presents etc and I'd decided that I wanted to be with her. So in Jan I started to talk about that, but she didn't seem to want to, despite calling me to have sexy chats at night and contacting me about personal stuff. I saw her on Valentines but she wouldn't get back with me then either despite her saying we always act like we're together when we're together. A month or so later she invited me to visit again but said not to get back together, then a few days later she said she'd slept with a neighbour of hers and didn't think it was a good idea to come visit. She said it wasn;t serious with this guy but he'd been to prison for GBH and didn't know what he'd do. I wasn;t bothered by this guy so went anyway. This guy turned up and they disappeared together for about an hour which sent me crazy because I knew I loved her. I confronted her about it, she denied it and we both started crying and then I left the next day. She started a relationship with this guy and said she didn't love me and that she loved this guy. She asked me to stop contacting her so I did, but every time I'd do this she'd end up getting back in contact and say that things weren't so great with this guy. Then they were engaged after about 3months and I moved to my home town again to start again, and if I'm honest, to be closer to her as my house is only 45min drive from her. Anyway, she'd ask me to stop contacting her and then get back in contact and then I met a girl. The girl was too young for me but I thought it'd help me get over my Ex. Well my Ex contacted me and said she wasn't with that guy anymore (this was after 5months with him) and that she'd really like to see me. She was quite persistent and was really interested in the girl I was seeing and how I felt. So told her I wasn;t that into her and she said I should end it. Which I did because I don't like to string people along. So a couple of weeks went past and my ex had contacted me a fair bit and we'd chatted and she'd tell me how she always had found it really easy to talk to me. I ended up visitng her and she said how great it was to see me and I likewise. We didn't sleep together, I slept on the couch. It was a bit awkward because of some things I'd said when she's got with the ex-con which I didn't mean. We said we'd see each other again and that was that. She ignored my texts and would eventually get round to me after I'd stop contacting her for a few days. Then she invited me over and asked me to sleep with her. I did which was great after all that time. But the next day she kicked me out and blanked me again. Then another month went past where I'd not contacte her but she'd contact me and then eventually invited me over again, we slept together again (my instigation) and then the same again - she wouldn't hug me goodbye or anything. Next thing I know she says she never loved me and thought we shouldn't be in contact anymore. So another xmas goes past and I contacted her because I missed her, I said my old band were playing just past where she lived and she said it'd be rude if I didn't pop in. Well, I went to the gig and she text me saying I could stay over if I wanted. So I did, which I wanted to play it cool and not give her too much attention because of previous encounters. She asked me into her room to watch a DVD and proceeded to undress in front of me (why didn't she do it before asking me in there?? ) Anyway eventually she booted me out of her room and I slept on the couch. The next day she was so cold, she just ignored me and basically more or less rushed me out. She'd told me she'd been friendly with this older guy for a while and I think she was considering something with him although she did admit she didn't fancy him like that. Anyway a couple of weeks later she tells me to stop contacting her again because she with this guy. I said OK, I contacted her a couple of times by text and she said she wanted me to never contact her again. She's now engaged to this guy, been with him since Feb and engaged since May. She told me we were no longer friends and that I was the past and that was all there was to it, she had no feelings toward me at all. That hurt a lot but I respected her wishes and haven't contacted her since May. Then Today she has added me on Facebook.
I've not accepted her yet, I messaged her asking if she meant to add me.

I know I still love her and her daughter because I think about them everyday without fail and the thought of being in contact again is exciting but scary. But I don't want the same cycle to happen again. The way I've behaved before wasn't how I am, I was being desperate and it kind of makes me cringe when I look back on it. I can see how that will have affected her reactions to me then.

But why has she contacted me if she's engaged? I'm her EX, she wouldn't be doing this if she's completely happy with him would she? He's 43 and she's 28. She's always gone for fit guys before and I work out a lot. This guy is fat and not very good looking. Do you think I should accept her request on Facebook? I still really miss her, my friends all think I'm bonkers for that though LOL, but we were always very good together, laughing and so much in common and we never ever argued. Help please?

It's just a cycle with a psycho! Enough said. Move on and you know it!

Like you said, she has someone, so let it go.

It was painful to read. You are a mess man, sorry to be so blunt. This relationship is so toxic, if you can't see what is wrong in that then you are really blind.

What you need is to STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HER YESTERDAY. Seriously this relationship has damaged you enough and you know it. Its time to move on.

You need to do what's best for YOU. It seems to me like you're at a crossroads. 1. do I keep pursuing her only to fall into the same cycle. 2. or do I save myself the heartache and just move on.
The decision is completely up to you.
I believe that either way, it doesn't look like a happy ending.
This woman is not trustworthy, she doesn't communicate well, by the sounds of things has she truly LOVED a man? You seem very nice and deserve a wonderful lady. You're looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with! But she doesn't seem to want that. After years of loving someone it would be very hard to let go. But I think that you deserve someone who will treat you with respect, won't lie and go behind your back, won't change their mind, someone who will LOVE you.

Will not help... you do not need that. All it can do is make you think of past memories => which can make you feel a little depressed. Don't add

When you have truly loved someone ,that love is true.
I have a love for men I have loved before but I don't love them in the way that keeps a relationship alive.
I love you because I loved you once ,that's the deal.
The love is still good,its just different.

Stop all contact=stop the confusion. Stop analysing-let it go and heal.

The reason you are over-analyzing so much is because you still have some false hope with her.

If she's taken, then obviously she's not looking to rekindle her relationshp with you. If can't handle this, then don't accept her invitation or de-friend her if you already accepted.

However, I strongly suggest that you don't add her into your friends list because you will be going to her page very often and checking up on her. That would be unhealthy behavior.

I think she just wants a booty call, nothing serious.

I think she may have been hurt before and every time she feels like she's falling for a man she kicks him out.. :S I was like that for a while.. badly hurt and I swore id never love a man that way again so the next guy I met I didn't really have many feeling other than friendship... he hinted for more and I was like OK then when I started developing love like feeling I told him I didn't want to c him again.. after a month I thought I could control my feelings and the pattern kept on repeating.. however I've learnt to trust men again and am now starting in a relationship :) I think that may be her problem.. if its not that then she mayb just a bit of a girl who's only looking for sex :S?

LOL I don't know what she's thinking of... she accused me of only wanting her for sex!

She is using you for a fall back. If she is with somebody and things don't go the way she wants, she kicks them to the curb because she knows that she can always fall back on you. Stop giving into her selfishness and ignore her. Or you can tell her you are happy with somebody else. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with having your ex as a friend on Facebook, because I too, have a lot of ex's as friends on Facebook. But it seems like she is just trying to keep you on the end of her line so she can reel you in when her marriage fails. And I assure you, it will. There are more women out there that will appreciate you and love you unconditionally. Let this "catch of the minuite" go. Good luck to you.

She is using you for sex and company when she's lonely - why? Because you allow it!

Stop lowering yourself for this lunatic! She's not worth it!

One thing for sure, there are better females out their so why bother with her drama, or take a chance she is using you for sex.


she accused me of only wanting her for sex!

That's just the bait she puts out to get you to bite. Like you have to take the time to prove your love to her. Especially if you haven't been chasing her for sex or anything else.

Let her go.

I've told her I don't think it's a good idea - she said it's a shame because we have history and we got on extremely well before all the .

That's true but she told me earlier this year that our past is exactly that - in the past. So that was her reason for not seeing me and now she wants to be friends because we have that history. Bonkers!

She's now revoked her friend request

AW! To bad, now she is stuck with the fat guy. (or who ever else she can fool... the keyword is fool, which you are not!)For shame!

Pretty obvious, its all about the booty call like tal said.

Its not love that she want from you, its pure LUST.

True love is where she wants you in HER FAMILY, not in her c ave.