My girlfriend and I have been together for more than a year now. Although our relationship became long distance since she had to move to Canada to study almost 3 months ago, everything was great between us and always has been. She’d call/txt me all the time, tells me how much she loves me and misses me, laughs at the jokes I say (even the stupid ones), up for making out or having sex any time, etc… However, the past month has been nothing but the complete opposite.

At that time, we had a fight, but it wasn’t a big deal (as with the case for almost all the fights we’ve had before). In any case, I apologized, and she accepted my apology. But since then, her attitude towards me changed drastically. Now she rarely calls me or texts me, and even when she does, it’s like someone has forced her to do it; completely unenthusiastic, it’s not like she’s talking to her boyfriend. She stopped telling me how much she loves me or misses me at all, and any stupid thing I say just makes her angry. Since the day she set off to Canada, I told her that I’m going to visit her, and so I did 2 weeks ago. However, seeing how she changed, I asked her several times before I came whether if she still wants me to come or not, and she’d always reply with an attitude, saying “what do you think?!” I emphasized to her that this is a yes or no question, and eventually she said “yes.” I was still unsure about coming, but many of my friends and hers told me that once we see each other, everything’s going to be different.

So that’s what I did, I went all the way to Canada from Holland to see her, and her attitude was THE SAME; no expression of any feelings towards me. She only hugged me when I first came (actually, it’s more like we both hugged each other), and that was it. She never approached me in any way. I’m always the one that is hugging her and kissing her. Even when we kissed, it’s like she’s not trying, and would last for no more than 5 seconds, where eventually she’d push me away. Of course, she refused to do anything beyond kissing with me, each time coming up with an excuse stupider than the one before (please keep in mind that we have lost our virginity together!)

Thus I waited a couple of days, convincing myself that maybe she’s stressed out from university or whatever, but still her attitude towards me was the same. I finally decided to talk to her about it. I told her pretty much everything I mentioned above, and how she’s changed and all that, but she didn’t respond. I know that she doesn’t like to be pressured onto answering stuff (that’s the way she is) but I thought that this is very important. I mean, I came all the way from Holland to see her, expecting our relationship to become stronger than ever, but all I get is the extreme opposite. After 2 days I got completely fed up, and gave her two choices; either that she agrees to do something about this since it’s really bothering me (at least reach to some sort of compromise), or I’ll leave. Again, she didn’t respond and I started packing my stuff. While I was at it, she started babbling a lot of stuff in the vein of that “people change.” I couldn’t care less about what she said because treating me like this isn’t OK just cause “she changed.” Hence I left the house, and surprisingly, she followed me telling me not to go. She wanted me to be cool for tonight, and that tomorrow she’s going to change. Tomorrow came and nothing was different. I waited another couple of days, and opened the subject again telling her how her attitude towards me didn’t change at all. I told her I’m leaving but she also stopped me from going. She told me that everything will be back to normal, just give it time. Now I’m back to Holland, and have been here for 4 days. She only called me once for less than a minute just so she can check that I got back safely.

So, what do you guys thinks honestly? Shall I really just wait as she said, or is she trying to push me away from her little by little, so that we’ll eventually break up?

Really appreciate your help! Cheers!

As she isn't willing to discuss anything about the issues that concern you and you say say she has changed how can you be expected to hang around waiting for something that may never happen? Good communications are essential if a relationship is going to work.
If your girlfriend isn't willing to sort this out asap you should consider moving on.

Point taken. But she's not the kind of girl that likes to argue - at all. She says that I should not open the subject again, and everything will be back to normal if I give it some time.

Any other viewpoints are more than welcome!

Someone help me please! Would really appreciate it.

Someone help me please! Would really appreciate it.

It would appear that she is slipping away!
Would kind of advice do you expect?
When someone is making an effort to not be with you that is a good indication they are done with you.
There are people here who can give you advice on how to accept a break up but you don't seem to think that is happening for some reason,Why?

Some questions;

How old are you both, and how long is this distance thing supposed to last, and what's the purpose of this relationship?

Here are some good sites to see what it takes to maintain a good relationship.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-handle-this-seven-ways-to-survive-a-long-distance-relationship/?cnn=yes

http://www.aish.com/d/w/48964126.html

You can see if you have done what has been suggested and maybe see where things changed and learn why. LDR's are hard for the most committed of couples.

Some questions;

How old are you both, and how long is this distance thing supposed to last, and whats the purpose of this relationship?We're both 18 at the moment. She told me that we're going to stay with each other forever, and get married. But I guess this kind of stuff is only for that moment. I doubt she means it now.

I know what a long distance relationship is. I'm not sure what triggered her change of attitude towards me though. No clue.
Do you think I should not contact her at all, and maybe try to make her jealous, so that she would appreciate me again?
What's driving me crazy more than anything is how I went all the way there to Canada (putting aside all the hassle and the money I've spent), and she couldn't care less!

I think you leave each other alone. She shows no willingness to work with you so what's the point? You can't even talk to her, so leave her alone.

She says I should give it some time. Meaning that things will gradually go back to normal day by day...
Could what she's saying actually work or what?

How long is this distance thing supposed to last?

We're both 18 at the moment. She told me that we're gonna stay with each other forever, and get married. But I guess this kind of stuff is only for that moment. I doubt she means it now.

I know what a long distance relationship is. I'm not sure what triggered her change of attitude towards me though. No clue.
Do you think I should not contact her at all, and maybe try to make her jealous, so that she would appreciate me again?
What's driving me crazy more than anything is how I went all the way there to Canada (putting aside all the hassle and the money I've spent), and she couldn't care less!

I don't know why she seems to have changed. She is the only one with those answers and even she may not know. You may have to live with never getting those answers.

DO NOT play jealousy games. That is not how mature individual behaves.

Even though I am recommending that you take a step back from the relationship and accept that it seems to be over, I don't think your trip was wasted. You have given this relationship all you can up to this point. It is now up to her to do her part.

Forever is easy to say when you are together in the same place and believe for awhile after things become long distance. It is not easy to live. At 18, forever and undying love seem real and tangible. As you mature emotionally, you learn that they are extremely rare and take a lot of work. Very few young romances survive for very long as reality tears at the relationship. Sometimes, you just have to walk away before anger and frustration cause more pain than any relationship or break-up should endure.

My girlfriend and I have been together for more than a year now

Kind of hard to make those kinds off long range plans so soon. I think the distance only added more problems than this new relationship could handle.

Especially given both partners are young, and still learning, so change is normal at 18, from 17.

DO NOT play jealousy games. That is not how mature individual behaves. Well, I know that it's not mature. But that will most probably get her back on track, and actually appreciate me again. Don't you think?

Well, I know that it's not mature. But that will most probably get her back on track, and actually appreciate me again. Dont you think?

No. NO. NO! Absolutely not. I think the exact opposite would happen.

Jealousy games are for self-centered little brats who think only about their own needs and desires and that the world revolves around them and only for them. Their needs should be met at the expense of everyone around them especially by the person who they chose to be their 'caretaker'. They throw tantrums and fits and manipulate events and people just to get a piece of candy because they want it.

Is that how you want to be seen by her and other people? Her track is not your track. Why should she appreciate you if all you can think about is manipulating her into doing what you want?

Do you have any respect for her and her feelings at all? If you say 'yes'. I won't believe it because that isn't what your posts show.

Grow up and learn to be mature in your thinking and your actions.

Have I made my point clear?

Originally Posted by van horn https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-has-changed-drastically-409518-2.html#post2053903)
Well, I know that it's not mature. But that will most probably get her back on track, and actually appreciate me again. Dont you think?


Why would you want someone you had to manipulate to keep?

She will hate your guts for such a desperate move like that.

She may not even care, then what about the person your using as a tool to make someone jealous.

I think that's a lousy plan, man.

Whoa, OK. No jealousy games, then.

Actually I think now I understand what she wants. She told me just give it "time." But now that she didn't contact me at all since I came back (it's been a week exactly), I think what she asked for is pretty much a break.

She did the same with her ex boyfriend last year, telling him that she wants a break. And eventually they broke up. So I'm not got to get my hopes up and just try to move on. I already packed everything related to her in a box yesterday.

Thanks for your help everyone, really!
As always, any more suggestions are more than welcome.

You re doing the right thing.
Don't wait around for her decisions get your own life on track. Good luck.

This raises another question though. Now I'm trying to move on, but suppose she eventually starts contacting me, and hence shows me that we're getting back together. What do I do?
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And I thought that even if we get back together, there are still a lot of "little" things that are bothering me in our relationship.

The 'little' things can also become big issues, particularly as you are not living closely and she is not willing to talk to you in depth. Try and move on, though it WILL be hard and meet someone who is willing to communicate properly with you - in Holland! Good luck :)

This raises another question though. Now I'm trying to move on, but suppose she eventually starts contacting me, and hence shows me that we're getting back together. What do I do?
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And I thought that even if we get back together, there are still a lot of "little" things that are bothering me in our relationship.

I think her prior behavior with her ex-boyfriend should be a huge red flag that can be seen from Mars.

If she does contact you, make arrangements to return personal belongings to their respective owners and tell her that you have decided that you need to be in a relationship with a partner who is willing to work with you to strengthen the relationship instead of undermining the foundation. Let her know she does not appear to be that person.

Good luck with any decisions that you make.

though it WILL be hard and meet someone who is willing to communicate properly with you - in Holland! Good luck :)Ach, je hebt gelijk. :(


I think her prior behavior with her ex-boyfriend should be a huge red flag that can be seen from Mars.I'm not quite sure what you mean by that.

She did the same with her ex boyfriend last year, telling him that she wants a break. And eventually they broke up.

Past behavior can often be helpful in predicting future behavior especially if there seems to be a trend happening.

You said that she did this with at least one boyfriend before you. This may be her habitual way to break up with someone which, as you seem to recognize, means that you should be extra cautious in thinking about ever getting back together with her.

Dude there was a reason you packed your bags when you were there.

Judging by her attitude and unwillingness to talk, move on. Find the girl who is right for you. Blah, who am I to speak... I have a girl that also "Doesn't like to argue" it's a bs excuse. What people tend to neglect is the fact that if you push away negative feelings, you also kill the good feelings. Feelings are feelings... there are no discrimination when killing them.

Yeah, I really think the no arguing thing is so stupid. How the hell are our problems going to get solved if you just "give it time" or "not talk about it."

As I said, I came back from Holland 8 days ago, and she called me once (for less than a minute) the day after I came back just to check that I got back safely. However, yesterday night she e-mailed me asking why aren't I signing in on MSN. I'm really confused. I mean, if she really wants to talk to me, why didn't she call me, or even text me?

You are now at a ''safe'' distance - in other words, you aren't invading her space. You are back home now so she probably feels she can now ''type'' what she wants rather than have to say things face to face - be careful and remember that things were very different when you were together in Canada. I wish you good luck :)