I'm going to try my best to keep it short. Me and my ex girlfriend or girlfriend have been together for 1 year and 11 months. We have our ups and downs. But before the break, we argued a lot and basically it's my fault. When we argue I would sometimes throw stuff around punch the walls and scream my lungs out on her. Come to think of it, I don't think that's normal. Last week, before my birthday which was oct 18, 2009 I found our her password for a site she's in. I was curious because a few days back I check her page and it said single. Yeah, it's childish but I guess curiosity hit me. I ask her about it and she said that if must have been the laptop since it's new that change the status. Since that day, I was curious on the message she had. Come Saturday, I finally went into her page and she was talking to guys. As I was looking around, she did mentioned and said she was in a relationship. But what really got to me was the fact that she told one guy how our relationship is rocky and doesn't know if it continues. The point on, I finally realized how stupid I was. I basically hurt her through all them arguments that she finally got tired. I felt really bad that night, started crying and saying to myself why did I do that to her. The day of my Birthday, I went to her house and told her the truth about me going to her page. She was shocked and angry but then didn't say much. I told her that it wasn't her fault and that I didn't blame her. I asked her to forgive me and that to can fix this and change. At the end, I have had a nervous break down. Thank to my best friend, he gave me some knowledge on my situation. But now me and my ex are friends and I'm trying to built that trust back as a friend first and hopefully get a chance to be a boyfriend. We agreed to talk to other people and maybe date. But now I'm really hurt and depressed for what I did to her. I'm scared that I'm never going to get that chance. We love each other but it's hard now. Today, I told her that it would be best for me not to talk to her for a while, then again I'm scared to that too. I don't know what to do? I need to chance but there's that question of what happens if she finds another guy or her not giving me a chance. I love this girl so much, she really is special to me. I'm so heartbroken and depress and I did this to myself. Now I'm on a verge to lose something I really love. What should I do? How can I get through the day fast without thinking about her talking to other guys and also erased thoughts in my head which is making me depressed? Please help me. Thanks!

Getting help to control your temper would be a starting point.

Your breaking stuff and punching walls,I'm surprised she came back at all.

I have no doubt she was being honest when she said her relationship was rocky,it was..

Get help to control your anger before you even attempt to contact this girl again,if ever.

If you need to do something today,try writing down why you react like you do,reflect on your no doubt terrifing behaviour,and realise you need serious help before this turns into physical contact.

You have a serious anger management proplem and unless you seriously sort that out you shouldn't even be in a relationship.
On the plus side you seem aware of your shortcomings so seek professional help.

You are looking at all the situation the wrong way. You are doing almost everything wrong.
First of all she broke up with you and usually when that happens people usually don't come back together, and if they do it doesn't work out.

Secondly, you need to take care of yourself and be selfish. Your anger is a problem and you need to take care of it (counseling, training). You need to read the stickies and start going to the gym everyday. Join a new activity. Start volunteering... the world is your possibility.

Unless you do make some very positive changes to the way you deal with anger, you will never be happy enough to have a healthy relationship with any one, not even yourself, and your anger will someday get you in a lot of trouble, and terrify all those around you.

Forget the girl, you have destroyed that, fix yourself. That's your responsibility NOW, and then see about everything else.

That's how it was for me. But I didn't punch walls or anything.. a break is good. Hang out with guys. Have fun with friends. Then when you feel like you can be back together, call me. Apologize for everything and how never meant it. If she really loves you she would accept your apology and things will be better