symphony
Oct 23, 2009, 05:34 AM
I was given an assignment to write a poem for class, and seeing as I'm well aware of the fact that I am a terrible poet, constructive criticism for my poem would be much appreciated. Thanks a billion!
"The Girl in White"
She looks to be about 24
A kind, round face
Subtle laugh lines around her eyes.
Her face is pale though her cheeks are brightened by blush
Her eyelids are smokey from makeup
Her lips stained bright red.
An old string of pearls around her neck
Once belonging to her grandmother
To her namesake.
She is dressed in white
In a draping gown of lace and silk
A new dress special for the occasion.
Her dark brown hair falls in soft curls around her face
Her bangs held up off her forehead by a clip
Borrowed from a friend who'd insisted it be used on this day.
A bracelet of blue sapphire hangs delicately from her wrist
Shimmering against her pale skin
She is a magnificent sight indeed.
Something old something new
Something borrowed something blue.
The church doors open
The first few people come in and immediately go to see her
Everyone else who enters follows suit.
They crowd around her, whispering
Misty-eyed they tell her how much they love her and how lovely she looks
They tell her how they didn't expect this day to come so soon and they wish her well.
Her face stays the same throughout
Calm and serene
Completely at peace.
Suddenly the pastor calls for attention
The noise dies down and the people take one last look at her
The funeral begins.
"The Girl in White"
She looks to be about 24
A kind, round face
Subtle laugh lines around her eyes.
Her face is pale though her cheeks are brightened by blush
Her eyelids are smokey from makeup
Her lips stained bright red.
An old string of pearls around her neck
Once belonging to her grandmother
To her namesake.
She is dressed in white
In a draping gown of lace and silk
A new dress special for the occasion.
Her dark brown hair falls in soft curls around her face
Her bangs held up off her forehead by a clip
Borrowed from a friend who'd insisted it be used on this day.
A bracelet of blue sapphire hangs delicately from her wrist
Shimmering against her pale skin
She is a magnificent sight indeed.
Something old something new
Something borrowed something blue.
The church doors open
The first few people come in and immediately go to see her
Everyone else who enters follows suit.
They crowd around her, whispering
Misty-eyed they tell her how much they love her and how lovely she looks
They tell her how they didn't expect this day to come so soon and they wish her well.
Her face stays the same throughout
Calm and serene
Completely at peace.
Suddenly the pastor calls for attention
The noise dies down and the people take one last look at her
The funeral begins.