newday
Oct 22, 2009, 09:04 AM
My wife and I have been married for a little less than a year. We have been together for about 3 years. Over the course of the relationship she has been great with one exception. ANGER. In the beginning she has frequent outburst that seemed to be justifiable due to dealing with situations that would make anyone angry. The issue is now she claims to be happy and I have brought her much stability and to her own admission happiness and a feeling of love and understanding. On occasion she will lose her temper and get so angry it is mind bending. I feel helpless because when she gets this way there is nothing I can say to help and the anger is directed at me or anyone else in our home we have a 18 year old and a 9 year old from her first marriage.
Example - she went to the dmv to get her license changed with her new married last name. She did not have what they required for ID and they seemed rude according to her. She went absolutley crazy when she got home stating that all americans are racist and she hates them and many other things. (she is from another country but she is a US citizen).
Her 18 year old daughter came home and asked where her mother was and I told her that she was at another DMV trying to take care of her license. Her daughter asked me is mom still mad from last night ? Evidently she had words with her daughter on another subject. I told her that she was very angry about what happened at the DMV. The conversation continued with her daughter and she told me her mother has always been this way. She told me she is saving her money so she can move out because she cannot stand being around her mother anymore. She has delt with there anger for her whole life and had no choice but to deal with it because she had no where else to go.
What little I have read on the subject pretty much gives me the opinion that no one deserves to walk on eggshells with a person that can fly off the handle over pretty much anything.
I have never seen anyone get so mad in my life it was as if my wife was another person. I was scared to be totally honest. My heart was pounding. I'm not easily scared.
The other issue is my step daughter told me do not even think about telling mom to get help. She will flip out. It is my wife's way or the highway and everyone else needs to change not her.
I'm upset but I think I might tell her we need to spend sometime apart and explain to her that I will not allow her anger to control me or this relationship and that she must seek professional help. I do not see this situation as fixing itself. This honestly has been progressive in nature and now that other issue's have been settled that made her angry it appears that she is starting to direct her anger at me. I have been her biggest proponent up until now but I guess I'm becoming old hat now so she is comfortable to blow out to the person that loves her and is closest to her.
Please Help
Example - she went to the dmv to get her license changed with her new married last name. She did not have what they required for ID and they seemed rude according to her. She went absolutley crazy when she got home stating that all americans are racist and she hates them and many other things. (she is from another country but she is a US citizen).
Her 18 year old daughter came home and asked where her mother was and I told her that she was at another DMV trying to take care of her license. Her daughter asked me is mom still mad from last night ? Evidently she had words with her daughter on another subject. I told her that she was very angry about what happened at the DMV. The conversation continued with her daughter and she told me her mother has always been this way. She told me she is saving her money so she can move out because she cannot stand being around her mother anymore. She has delt with there anger for her whole life and had no choice but to deal with it because she had no where else to go.
What little I have read on the subject pretty much gives me the opinion that no one deserves to walk on eggshells with a person that can fly off the handle over pretty much anything.
I have never seen anyone get so mad in my life it was as if my wife was another person. I was scared to be totally honest. My heart was pounding. I'm not easily scared.
The other issue is my step daughter told me do not even think about telling mom to get help. She will flip out. It is my wife's way or the highway and everyone else needs to change not her.
I'm upset but I think I might tell her we need to spend sometime apart and explain to her that I will not allow her anger to control me or this relationship and that she must seek professional help. I do not see this situation as fixing itself. This honestly has been progressive in nature and now that other issue's have been settled that made her angry it appears that she is starting to direct her anger at me. I have been her biggest proponent up until now but I guess I'm becoming old hat now so she is comfortable to blow out to the person that loves her and is closest to her.
Please Help