CinderellaWitch
Oct 18, 2009, 09:41 PM
I'm 43, have been married to my wonderful husband for 14 years, we have a 5 year old daughter. When I was 8 months pregnant, I quit my job. We couldn't afford our home with only husband's income, so we moved in with my parents, which was supposed to be a temporary situation. We sold our home, and with the RE marfket problems, didn't make enough money for a downpayment for another.
My Mother was diagnosed with RA, became somewhat disabled, quit her job and now relies on us to do much of the housework, errands, food shopping, etc. We pay for all the food for the 5 of us, plus cat food and litter for our combined cats, we pay all the utilities, plus we have a car payment. I want to find work outside the home now that my daughter is in school during the day, but it's not easy to find employment where we are. My husband commutes 3 hours each way for his job. I need to drive my daughter to the bus stop in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon, so finding employment to fit my schedule is going to be impossible.
Here's the kicker: My husband hates where we live. He loves my parents, but hates the lack of privacy, hates the weather (it's very cold in the Winter), hates the rural setting. He wants to pick up, move and start all over somewhere in a warmer climate. I can see this lifestyle is starting to wear on him, but if we move, my parents will lose their home. They made some unfortunate choices, and the current economy is so bad, they would not be able to afford it without my husband's help. There's a lot my Mom cannot do by herself because of her RA, I feel like I would be abandoning her if I left. I have my husband pulling one way, but I cannot leave my family in their time of need. My daughter would be crushed if she didn't see her grandparents every day.
It's very difficult, because my Mom and I don't often see eye to eye. We argue about politics, religion, child-rearing, etc. It can get pretty hostile. I feel I am becoming physically and mentally sick from the constant conflicts. Of course, she has become self-absorbed with her illness and always reminds me that she's dying. She tries to lay guilt trips on me whenever she can.
I truly feel I am in a hopeless situation, and whatever road I decide to take, will ultimately be the wrong one. I serioiusly need some wise advice.
My Mother was diagnosed with RA, became somewhat disabled, quit her job and now relies on us to do much of the housework, errands, food shopping, etc. We pay for all the food for the 5 of us, plus cat food and litter for our combined cats, we pay all the utilities, plus we have a car payment. I want to find work outside the home now that my daughter is in school during the day, but it's not easy to find employment where we are. My husband commutes 3 hours each way for his job. I need to drive my daughter to the bus stop in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon, so finding employment to fit my schedule is going to be impossible.
Here's the kicker: My husband hates where we live. He loves my parents, but hates the lack of privacy, hates the weather (it's very cold in the Winter), hates the rural setting. He wants to pick up, move and start all over somewhere in a warmer climate. I can see this lifestyle is starting to wear on him, but if we move, my parents will lose their home. They made some unfortunate choices, and the current economy is so bad, they would not be able to afford it without my husband's help. There's a lot my Mom cannot do by herself because of her RA, I feel like I would be abandoning her if I left. I have my husband pulling one way, but I cannot leave my family in their time of need. My daughter would be crushed if she didn't see her grandparents every day.
It's very difficult, because my Mom and I don't often see eye to eye. We argue about politics, religion, child-rearing, etc. It can get pretty hostile. I feel I am becoming physically and mentally sick from the constant conflicts. Of course, she has become self-absorbed with her illness and always reminds me that she's dying. She tries to lay guilt trips on me whenever she can.
I truly feel I am in a hopeless situation, and whatever road I decide to take, will ultimately be the wrong one. I serioiusly need some wise advice.