Hey :) I've signed up to let some stuff out and just hear what random people outside of my family and friends have to say to my situation I just really hope not everybody will say "get over her and move on", I'm a little torn up inside..

I met my ex-girlfriend three years ago in February (I just turned 15 and she is six months older), we met in a rehab clinic, as we both suffered from post-traumatic depression and she tried to commit suicide.

We kind of found our ways to one another in the clinic, we were with each other for two months solid, day and night only being separated by the wall between our rooms, even then we used to knock on eachothers walls to make notice of one another and secretly hide our mobile phones to write to one another.

We both got out of there a couple of months later on, and had a relationship where we were about 20miles from each other, but we managed so see one another about four days a week!

Our relationship was good, we were deeply in love, she fell out with her parents and ended up moving out into her own flat, in the town I lived in.. (she was 17 and so was I at the time).

At some point around about before moving and once she had moved, she fell into a habbit, brought up by her past and things she and her family and witnessed, being abused and her herself being raped, she met up with men she had contacted via the internet and had sex for money.

I forgave her, it had happened twice, I tried to help her, I comforted her and it helped a little..

Last year August we moved in together in our own flat her being 18 and me 17 and a half
(no trolling on our parents please, this isn't about that!).

Things were looking good, but once again she had her phase, she was slitting her arms and thigh, she saw another two guys for sex for money..

I really tried again to help her, but it was really hard, as we and ecspecially I had all the responsibillity non the less, school had to be taken care of, housework did and all that..

At some point it got to me too much, she was sitting next me on her laptop and I knew what she was doing I knew she was sitting there, chatting to men basically as harsh as it sounds making appointments.. arrangements..

So after feeling really ty about that and getting into a state myself, I finally said it's too much and she should move out (this was in late November last year).

She moved out, I gave her a bit of a cold shoulder, trying to sort myself out (I never lost my feelings for her, even then)

Come New Years Eve, she got back together on the night with her ex-boyfriend with whom she was together with before me and hadn't really seen since then..

Me? Devastated.. I've tried ever since to move on, get in touch with girls, build up new relationships, I've been trying too hard and I know that myself but I just can't help myself and quite honestly I can't get my ex-girlfriend out of my head I feel as if I could fall back in love with her in the snap of a finger.

So I hadn't been in touch with her for a while, she contacts me last week and the first phone call we have lasts 6hours straight until the sun started coming out again..

She tells me how she just wanted to get in touch with me, as thoughts of me never left her mind, how we lost touch so suddenly the night she told me, she got together with her boyfriend, and then she starts to tell me how her relationship isn't going too well.. We talk and talk and talk and I offer we should meet up.. the telephone conversation was like we had never lost contact, I just loved the company so much, she hadn't talked to anyone for so long like she had to me, told me so many things that had been boiling up in her mind about her relationship for example and so on..

So we meet up two days later for breakfast, in this really nice café buffet breakfast place on a rooftop above the town, a place we had been years ago.. All went so well and there was really nice chemistry in the air..

In the evening I was heading home and wrote her a text message telling her I had missed my bus, so she offered for me to come round, her boyfriend didn't mind and all.. So I went round, met her boyfriend, spent a couple of hours there and went home, wasn't too bothered, she wasn't that close to him and all that..

So we talk for another couple of days and I end up giving her some advice on her relationship because she carries on to talk to me about what is going wrong and, my advice seemed to have work, she talks to me a couple of hours later, thanking me, that was I had said really helped..

I phone her up yesterday and tell her about the way I really feel about her... And she tells me: "Well you are right, the last two days have been better with my relationship and I just dont think I feel anything for you in that way, but you are really important to me" The conversation on the phone at some point ended with me saying "I really do hope things work out for you long-term, I hope you get yourself sorted, my doors are always open for you, if you ever need somebody, be it in 5years time... until then farewell!" and hung up, because I am just so destrout...

I write her a message this morning just saying "I'm Sorry.." and the reply I receive is: "How do you expect me to react now??? I sat here last night and couldn't stop crying! You could've atleast finished the conversation in a normal way."


What the monkey am I supposed to do :( I just can't get over her...

I just really feel like I've lost a soul mate, losing her.. Even my parents say we came across like that, I just loved her all I could and I could just understand her so well, she needn't ever say a word and I could read her eyes and she mine...


I hope what I've written is fairly understandable, I'm not going over it again for spelling..

:( regards - me

First of all, in a way, this girl is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. She will become Mr. Hyde- cheating on you, talking to other men, and injuring herself (which has to have you pretty upset.) But- once she has you torn up and hurt, who can resist Dr. Jekyll? Her sweet personality, and the way you guys can connect and talk for hours will keep you around.

You need to think about whether it's worth it. Right now you're worried about getting back together with her- DON'T. You should be thinking about the outcome. If you don't get married to her- you will break up (you don't get another choice.) If you do get married, you will be married to a cheating wife who you can't trust. If you have children, what kind of example will she be setting? It's okay to sleep around with whoever you want, even though you say you "love" someone? Think about it: Right now you can break it off and break up, when you're married you get a divorce or separate (and if you have kids, do you want them to be without a mother or father?) What would the future entail for you guys if you did get back together?

She's not taking the relationship seriously- she's sleeping around on you which is unacceptable- and you know it! But Dr. Jekyll has got you so enchanted right now. Clear your head, and think about the situation. What would be best for you? It's not okay for her to go behind your back. If she thinks it is, then she needs to get some help and re-think a few things. If she does get help and turns out to be a respectful, decent, and SELF-respecting woman, then you could be pleasently surprised. But right now, I would separate, and try to get her out of your head as best as you can. (that doesn't mean speed-dating, or becoming desperate- take some time to find out who YOU are, instead of worrying about a girl who sleeps around on you.) She just isn't ready for a serious relationship.


(and don't expect to move on just like that. If you decide not to get back together with this girl, then you shouldn't date until you're ready to get serious in a relationship. Which means, you need to give yourself plenty of time for you to heal.)

You can't help someone who doesn't want help, (and she needs it), but you can help yourself by leaving her alone.

If your on meds, take them, and take care of yourself. If not please see your doctor.

If a rehab hasn't helped her, you sure can't, but she is poison to you. But you tried and it didn't work. Sorry guy, but she has to help herself.

I'm not on meds, I've arranged to see a therapist in approximately 4 weeks, waiting list is always a bummer, but not much else I can do... She is starting a therapy again in two weeks..

I'm in a little bit of a low again, just going to get something off my chest, was just writing this as I got the notification of a new reply:

Hours last like days when it's Time you chase
Waiting for the next time I see her face
The funny thing is
She doesn't want to see mine
What can I do but try
The choice is thine
I try progressing
By suppressing
This depressing and distressing
Sentiment

Not gotten much further but hey..

Thanks for both of your answers by the way.

The only person you have to worry about is yourself- you're the only person you can change. You can't change her.

Co-dependence. Not soul mates.

This is what this complex relationship was for you. Your teenage rehab difficulties brought you together and made you both feel that there was someone special there to understand you. You supported her, loved her and condoned her self abuse and her sexual experimentation until it got too much. Yes, first loves are difficult to let go of. Particularly first loves that have been through so much together.

You may well have been soul mates. (Note the use of the past tense.) But there is one big difference here. You want to move on. You want to get healthy. She is stuck in dysfunction and self destruction. Your 'soul' has decided to move on and she knows it. That's why she is alternately trying to draw your sympathy or be mean.

It's painful, but it's time to let go. She's made her choice now you must make yours. Give yourself space and time and see her as little as possible. It's time for your soul to find another mate - and you will - this time it will be a healthy one.

Take a deep breath and jump into life.