Okay I guess I begin with my story, so I have feelings for a girl at my work place and college. We didn't talk much at first but slowly she began to approach me and talk to me, few days later we became friends and had lunch together and just talk. Now we continued to hang out and have lunch almost everyday. After a few months (by the time I knew she had a bf) she told me to register the same class as her and her boyfriend. Usually she and I would be talking and the boyfriend would be left out. Sometimes even after class she would ditch her boyfriend to chat with me. Apparently the boyfriend doesn't like me at all, I try to be nice and trying to show that I am not interested in his girl (well I am trying to cover it up as best as I can) . Once 3 of us were hanging out when the boyfriend tried to kiss the girl but she refused and later on the boyfriend got really mad since she was sticking with me while talking to class. Even now she does not react to the bf's affections while in front of me. After the school session was over, I asked her to go on a road trip with some of my friends and the boyfriend tagged along too. I was cramped in the back seat with the girl and her boyfriend the whole trip and things suddenly gotten awkward. I rarely talked to her during the trip and she would try to get a conversation started but I would cut off the conversation quick. After the road trip, we barely spoke to each other for couple of weeks.

Later on I decided to ask her to an usual lunch and we talked as if the trip never happened and the awkwardness was gone. Slowly after 2 or 3 months past, she tried to invite me to her house to hang out. I refused a couple of times cause I know that the boyfriend would be there. But once I came over and after everyone else left and the boyfriend was sleeping in her room, she started to have teary eyes and started to say how hard life is and such and such, I guess it was because of the drinks. I started to feel that I need to protect her. In the past she did complain about her boyfriend about that she is the one that has to support him.

Well I want your suggestions what should I do. I just want to tell her how I feel and she has been giving me some hints from the past.

Hi, someguy229!

She is the one who has to support her boyfriend? Why is that, please?

Would you please share more about that?

Thanks!

Okay I hope this clarifies: She told me she wanted her boyfriend to give her more attention. She says her boyfriend never listens to her problems and concerns. Also she is the one who is trying to comfort him when he is feeling down.

Hi again, someguy229!

How long have the two of them had a close relationship, please?

Thanks!

Oh forgot to add that too: 2 years

Do you think there will be a chance in the near future for you to have a heart-to-heart with her privately, about the way you feel and about the signals that you think you're getting from her, please?

She might be still hanging onto the other guy because there might not be clear signals from you as to what you would like to do. Do you think that also might be a possibility as to what's going on?

Thanks!

I forgot to add this but she and I have almost the same interests and we both lost someone very dear to us within both of our families. We can sometimes relate to certain problems but usually it is me that hears her out. Maybe she feels a connection? You guys might know better, I am still naïve.

I forgot to add this but she and I have almost the same interests and we both lost someone very dear to us within both of our families. We can sometimes relate to certain problems but usually it is me that hears her out. Maybe she feels a connection? You guys might know better, I am still naive.

I have no doubt that she feels some sort of connection with you for various reasons. Besides that, you listen to her! That's very important in relationships! She doesn't seem to getting the listening aspect from her present boyfriend.

Thanks!

Well I am got to say I am pretty certain that there would be a chance if I tell her of how I truly feel about her. Also as for the second question: I have been beating around the bushes honestly when we had that awkwardness from after the road trip she was trying to patch up with the boyfriend. I barely responded from her signals and chose to ignore it since I thought it would be immoral for me to try to break a relationship. Maybe you do have a point about her clinging on to her boyfriend cause I am not giving much reaction to her signs.

She is giving you signs...

Do you like to send sentimental types of cards, please?

Thanks!

Hmm maybe, I was thinking about talking to her in an indirect way using 3rd person's view. Could this work too?

If you're going to be honest and upfront with her and get her attention as well as respect and not play a guessing game with her, I would suggest being straight-up with her without giving her any "what ifs?" or other types of scenarios.

Thanks!

Clough, I got to say thanks a lot, you've been very helpful. Heck I'll go for it tomorrow! Again thanks.

You know, you can open up a "door" to make it really easy to have open conversation with this woman, if you would send her a card, first.

If you would like to do that, please let me know.

I do have a lot of ideas about cards...

Thanks!

Well heck, I am open to ideas please if you can share some of your ideas that would be great.

I would suggest going to a drugstore or bookstore that sells a variety of greeting cards. You also might want to go to a store where the majority of what is sold is greeting cards.

I would then suggest looking for one that's very pretty on the outside as well as on the inside that says something that has to do about caring for the person. What it says, will depend on the particular situation.

From what I've gathered from you tonight, if I were you, I would try to find one that says something about how you know the person has some challenges and things to think about for decision making. You know, sort of the life isn't always that easy sort of thing...

I would then add to the card, a brief note about how much you care, and if she wants to talk about anything, that you'll be right there for her.

Catch my drift?.

Are you into art at all? Do you draw or do calligraphy?

Thanks!

Clough gave you a different perspective to think about, but I'm going to go in a different direction.

First of all, you obviously have feelings for this girl. So because of that, you're going to twist all her actions into a way to think that she has an interest in you as well. But think about it this way, she's still with her boyfriend. There's a reason she's still with him, nor matter how many bad things she says to you. If she was actually interested in you, she wouldn't stay in her current relationship.
Don't misinterpret her friendship as something more. You've simply become her "shoulder to cry on." That's why she doesn't feel guilty talking to you, because you're her buddy, like her any of her girl friends. Her boyfriend might be jealous of you, but since she dosen't harbor any romantic feelings for you, talking to you is harmless.

If she had feelings for you, she would keep her distance from you and feel guilty talking to you.

Sounds like you can't handle a simple friendship, otherwise you wouldn't over-analyze all the little details and twist it in a way that favors you. She's confused enough about her boyfriend and if you still have feelings for her, then you need to back away from her and leave her alone..

RED FLAG ALL OVER... Stay away, go find someone available, or you'll start an healthy relating pattern... ew.

Well got to say thanks for your opinions, I'll give it a long thought about this.

I tend to agree with I wish. You maybe reading more into her actions than she means.

However, IF she is waiting for a sign from you before breaking up with her current boyfriend, then I would be very wary that this isn't a habit she has formed to move from relationship to another when she gets tired or bored with the current one.

If she does end up leaving her current boyfriend, do not immediately get into a romantic relationship with her. Whether she realizes it or not, she will need time to heal and find herself again before getting into another relationship. You don't want to end up being a rebound romance.

I don't want to bust your heart shaped bubble, but dude, you are asking for help to steal some other guys GIRLFRIEND.

You hang out with them, and the whole time she thinks of you as a friend, and he thinks of you as in the way. No wonder he doesn't like for you to hang around, he picks up on the vibe that you're giving off. The smitten vibe.

You say that she has to be there for him, guess what? That's what people do in relationships. Whatever problems they have, is their business. You are using them as a wedge to inject yourself into her life.

I really don't want to be rude or harsh with you, but this is crossing the line. I believe you when you say you are naïve, and I don't want to see you get hurt. And by hurt, I don't mean emotionally. This guy may come after you with a ball bat if you don't watch it.

You think that she feels the same way too, but has she ever tried to kiss you, or even imply that she would like to be with you?

Go places where you can meet SINGLE girls, not necessarily bars either.

If one day they do indeed break-up, then there's your chance. But for now, she is off limits. Would you do the same things if she was MARRIED?

I wish for you luck and CONTROL.

You asked for suggestions, and there's mine.

Yes!

Finally, a point blank answer... Jesus, Mary, and Joseph called a spade a spade!

(Hope you don't work for Frontier, their planes suck... Just sayin'... )

Yes!

Finally, a point blank answer....Jesus, Mary, and Joseph called a spade a spade!

(Hope you don't work for Frontier, their planes suck...Just sayin'...)

No ours are as big as they get.

Hi, All!

Oh, I don't know...

When I was in college, I dated many women. When I asked any one of them for a date, they would let me know, yes or no. They were upfront with me if they were already in a committed relationship. I suspect here, that the girlfriend might be looking for someone else and/or other possibilities.

To me, if a person isn't married or proclaimed in some way that they're already committted to a relatioinship, then it's okay to approach them for the possibility of a relationship of some kind, whatever kind of relationship that might be.

As such, I think that more discovery as to what's really going on would be helpful as to how to proceed with advice.

Thanks!

[QUOTE=Clough;2029772

As such, I think that more discovery as to what's really going on would be helpful as to how to proceed with advice.

Thanks![/QUOTE]

"I like a girl who has a Boyfriend" suffices for for what is really going on in my book. I know that not everything is black and white, but given the information, advice is like a "forecast" in weather conditions and predictions. You never know, but I would rather have a good advisory channel telling me not to travel that direction, if it can be avoided.

Hi, ilikemyhumanraw!

You're correct! Not everything is "black and white", and I would like to add, as far as making determinations based upon knowing all of the facts and circumstances are concerned.

Whether someone is truly available for dating can only be determined once the person has been asked if they are available or not.

The above evidently hasn't happened in this particular situation. Just because someone has one, apparent, significant other, doesn't mean that they're unavailable, especially if they haven't let others know that they're unavailable.

Thanks!

I refused a couple of times cause I know that the bf would be there. But once I came over and after everyone else left and the bf was sleeping in her room,

The boyfriend is very much in the picture if he is sleeping in her bed (I doubt he was on the bedroom floor and where did she sleep that night or other nights?) at any point in time.

She is in a relationship. Her boyfriend obviously believes they are in a relationship. Someguy even admits she is in a relationship with her boyfriend.

Someguy, at best she sees you as a friend. At worst, she is using you as a safety net for when she finally leaves her boyfriend.

To paraphrase what I said earlier, if she does this to him, what would she do to you? Would you like to be in the boyfriend's shoes as she plays games with another male?

jmjoseph: I appreciate that direct answer and will take it to heart. I too am thinking sometimes (well most of the times) that what I am doing is wrong. About the question about implying to be with me, yes she did ask me quite a few times, but I avoided that question every time she asked.

Cat1864: About being in the boyfriend's shoes, I am very well aware that this kind of situation may happen if we both start going out. Thanks for the honest answer.


Well now I kind of understand of what you guys are saying and I thank you for your contributions. I will give this a long thought. I just want opinions and or personal experiences from people from friends to people here on the forum. Well thanks for the advices and I'll be going. Thanks again.

Hi again, someguy229!

You're going to get a wide variety of opinions on this site, from many different kinds of people. The range of ages and experiences here is very wide.

Since the two of you have become close, in one way or the other, if you do send a card to her, without it seeming like a love letter of any kind, but one of caring, her reaction to it might tell you a lot about what's really going on and how you might proceed in any direction.

Nothing wrong with sending cards and notes to friends is there?

Thanks!

You are her emotional tampon, and she will not be ready for what you want even if she does break up with her b/f.

What's worse though is openly courting another guys girl. I know its tempting, seeing her b/f is a dud the way you see it, and you like her. But be aware her attachment to him, and how long it takes to get over them.

I don't think its right or realistic for you to think she will jump from one guy to another just to have someone, and if you do, and expect to be happy... your very wrong.

I think its your responsibility to back off, and let her deal with her issues, since you have an agenda to get with her.

That's not what friendship is about. That's what she needs, not another guy on her trail for romance.

I don't think she sees you as anything but a buddy, and her signals are misread by you. False hope does that.