My boyfriend... if he still is my boyfriend... hasn't spoken/texted/emailed me, in 4 days. We've been together for 8 months and have been very happy. In the last couple of months some 'issues' have come up. He has accused me of being controlling... or pouting until I get what I want, and most recently told me that he doesn't want to 'be' with me much lately because I 'mother' him too much. He can't give me examples on any of these points and has said that 'He loves me so much that he's dealing with it". On all of these points I get upset because I don't want to be controlling... and I don't think I am. I don't want to mother him... and I don't think I do. But he keeps getting frustrated with me... to which I keep getting emotional. I've been on eggshells and trying to figure things out on my own because he can't give me any examples. If I knowingly cross a line I apologize.

It should also be noted that he is the poster child for the Oedipus Complex. He is obsessed with his mother. I used to think they were just close... but after 8 months I can tell its much much more. In fact that is what has led us to where we are now... in my opinion. Sunday his mother 'made him' go do something. He's a 30 year old man... he should be able to tell her 'no'. But... he did it and was furious on the inside. He came to my house and got even angrier... to the point of leaving. The next day he accused me of slamming the door on him and said 'he doesn't want that for himself' etc... we didn't talk/text/anything for 3 days. On Thursday I texted him and we had another weird exchange. Basically I was saying 'lets put everything on the table and give this an honest try' and he was saying 'I think our problems may be bigger than we can handle, and I'm not happy.'. Nothing's been resolved... but I also haven't heard from him since then. I understand guys needing to retreat when problems arise... but this seems excessive.

We really are happy most of the time and are always making plans for the future. Most of which are initiated by him. I do love this man, and I don't want to lose him. But, I really feel like most of the problems are his... I just don't know how to react to them effectively.

So... I guess my question is... is he done? Why haven't I heard from him? If he loves me how can he shut me out like this? I'm so confused.

Thanks.

Sounds like you still want this relationship to work. So you just sit back and see what he does. Looks like he just wants some time and space. If he wants to work this relationship out, he will try to contact you.

As for you, just do your own thing. No point putting pressure on him by looking for him.

When you say he s obsessed with his mother what, apart from the fact that she made him go do something and he couldn't say no, do you mean? Does he live with her?Does she more or less run his life or was that a one off? It could be that he s taking out his frustration with his mother on you but its hard to say without more info. The facts as you tell them is that he s not contacted you for several days. Whenever there are problems in any relationship both people involved must want to be willing to solve them if he won't talk to you that's a huge red flag..

He doesn't live with her, but he spends at a minimum two evenings a week and some weekend mornings and afternoons with her... this time is non-negotiable. Our entire relationship is scheduled around his time with his mother. He recently told me that he misses the relationship they used to have where he would spend 4-6 nights a week with her... before I was in the picture. I just don't think this is normal. I could go on and on...

Who knows when he will contact you again, you should spend this time taking a step back and reflecting on whether this relationship actually works for you. You've made it clear that there any many things about him that bother you.

He is who he is, can you handle that? Why don't you spend this time figure that out first before worrying about whether he will contacting you.

Thanks, I wish. You're right. I need to think long and hard about what is best for me regardless of his next move. In my last response I was trying to elaborate for amicon about the mother stuff. I never worried too much about the mother stuff until recently. In my opinion we all have 'issues' its just whether we are able to admit to them and if we are willing to work on them. I know that I have a hard time standing up for myself in conflict. I need and want to work on that. I love my boyfriend... if he can work with me on our issues I think I want to give it a shot.

Oh honey... don't kid yourself here. There are 3 people in this relationship: you, him and his mum. And that's the way it will stay unless you take it upon yourself to change things. Yes, yourself! Suggest he get therapy or just see other people until this guy grows up. Who knows, you'll probably meet someone better.

I know you love him, but he's acting like a child because he insists on living like one. Probably forever. And children are not capable of having adult relationships like the one you're trying to have with him. Consider Peter Pan & Tinkerbell... he never could return her love because he was a permanent child.

Don't be the girl who waits around by the phone for her guy. Go out, do your own thing & forget about him for now. If your relationship is important to him, he will contact you.

Bottom line, if this dude can't give you what you need in the relationship, end it. Tell him that his mommy can have her little boy back. Then go find yourself a real man. Best of luck.