I have an endlessly complicated situation at hand. I will first give a little background for clarification, and then ask for a little advice.

Background:
I am 21 and a junior in college. I am pursuing my Masters in Mechanical Engineering with a focus in nanotechology and mechatronics. I have two years left after this one. Everything is going well.

My girlfriend is 19. She is three years departed from Zambia, where she attended boarding school. She is an orphan and was lucky enough to have her aunt (US resident) sponsor her for a student visa; although she receives no financial support from the aunt or anyone else. She is a pre-med student finishing her transfer degree at a community college (where we met in student government).

We have been dating for 8 months now, 6 of them serious ones. We have both had serious relationships before this; this isn't our first endeavour. We have an honest relationship that orginates more in personal growth than in security; although I will admit it is comforting having someone committed to you. This relationship is continually evolving and definitely headed in a very good direction. The best-friend approach to a relationship is one that I feel accurately describes our relationship.

Problem:
She cannot afford her tuition rates. Plain and simple. To attend the university, tuition alone comes to ~$21k per year. Unlike residents and citizens she is not eligible for student aid, and her credit is good for only the worst of loans (~15 Var. APR; ~11% orig. fees).

If she were two complete her bachelor's degree her resulting debt would exceed $50k. Med school would continue this to finish well over $200k. No person should have to shoulder a debt like this. She would be around 35-40 before her debt was paid off.

My Part:
Before entering college and still today I feel that no one at my age (and especially hers) can for certain "forecast" their future and the future of their character. This includes marriage and finding that special someone. However I do strongly feel that you can make an excellent educated guess on matters such as this. As stated above, I can't say that this girl is the one, but I am going to state after much deliberation that she posses every aspect of what I am looking for, and she is a person who together makes me a better more aware and insightful person. I strongly feel our relationship has a very high chance for success. This summer she graduates from the CC and will be ready to enter the university.

Proposal:
If we get married this summer she will become a resident. At this point we will have been dating seriously for 1 year. After a year of school off and of money saved, she will be ready to enter the university and have enough money saved to pay for most all of that year. Tuition is now only ~$6k. This isn't accounting for financial aid, which should be high given the independent status gained from marriage and our low incomes during college. After she will easily be able to afford med school and her financial impact on myself will be minimal (I won't lie though I will have to foot part of the bill. However my degree focus has an average entry salary of ~$65-70k).

Results
After much research, the above proposal is really the only way that she can actually achieve her degree (and more importantly, her ambitions). The problem is, this is quite a commitment of around 7-8 years. I fully understand that I will be 29 before she is finished in her schooling. This right now feels like the rest of my life to a certain extent.

So I think if you have taken the time to read this you understand that this is a problem worth taking some time to reflect on. At this time I am fully behind this and ready to pursue it. She is worth the investment to me. But as the time to commit is still 6+ months away, I want to engage in as much dialogue in as many places as possible to fully work this out for myself. Thank you for any and every bit of advice or questioning you present. And thanks for taking the time to read all this too :)

Any advice? :rolleyes:
-Justin

Even though I am one to enjoy the "big picture" so to speak, I would advise a "one thing at a time" approach. I notice that you said, " I can't say that this girl is the one." Maybe I am old fashioned but unless and until she is the one, I would not be making wedding plans. As complicated as it may make things to stall a bit, I would try to do just that. Not as a test per se, but I mindful of how people are these days. Slow is never a bad thing for True Love and its not something that can be arranged on a deadline. What would be the loss to stall longer than six months, if you had to? Then again, six months may tell you a lot too. You might be clearer then so I would keep an open mind. I forget who said "we cannot solve today's problems with today's mind"... but your post reminds me of it. LOL I hope that offers some perspective.

When I say that "I can't say that she is the one" I was more expressing doubt in my ability to make correct decisions at this age. I strongly do feel that she is the one, and have put much thought into the implications of this decision.

In response to what would another six months hurt, that is exactly the dilemma. In order for her to be eligible for schooling as a resident the process requires at least 1yr 8 mo. From obtaining resident status (i.e. marriage) to being eligible for in-state tuition rates. Early this July would be the latest we could do it without extending her wait to go to school by an extra year.

Thank you.
-Justin

Also I think that by bringing this question forth now (9 mo before it actually needs to be answered) I feel that if by then I still feel the same way I do now it will be a decision I will be confident in making.

Although you are both very young (compared to me), I am impressed by your thoughtful approach to life and the fact that you both have clear goals and the discipline to achieve them. If you do get married, the next ten years will put your relationship to the test. In many ways you will be growing up together and learning the many coping skills, compromises, and difficult choices that adult life requires. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you both need to prepare yourselves mentally for the fact that it won't be an easy process.

One other note of caution. Because her financial situation (I take it she can't get a green card?) is creating a need to go faster than you otherwise might feel comfortable with, you both need to be very careful not to let that become a cause for resentment (on your part) or guilt (on hers). This may not seem like a problem now, but when the hard times come, you may be tempted to feel that way. I tend to agree with Val that slower is generally better in matters of the heart, but I do see the problem with waiting another year, particularly if she can't legally work in the meantime. You are wise to realize that you can't forecast the future, but forecasts aren't what makes the world go round. I think the most important thing is for you both to look as honestly as you can into your own heart and see if you truly love each other. If you find that you do, then go for it, in spite of the obstacles and difficulties that you are certain to encounter. You will encounter most of them anyway, and if you can help each other surmount them it will strengthen and deepen your love.

First I want to say thanks for that advice. How do you avoid the guild/resentment?
-Justin