Does this mean he's cheating? I like feeling like Im irresistible and wanted... I told him that but he says he doesn't like feeling turned down and I should start everything? What the hell is up with that?

Does this mean he's cheating? I like feeling like Im irresistable and wanted...I told him that but he says he doesnt like feeling turned down and I should start everything? What the hell is up with that?

He doesn't want to initiate it because he's afraid of being rejected.

No, it doesn't mean he's cheating, it means he's insecure.

How about taking turns meeting each others needs. Then everyone wins.

It's my experience that insecure men have affairs. If you don't initiate sex, someone else will. I think you should play his game or lose him.

It's my experience that insecure men have affairs. If you don't initiate sex, someone else will. I think you should play his game or lose him.

Play his game?

What experience have you had that leads you to this conclusion?

Are you a psychologist? Have you studied human behavior and come to the conclusion that insecure men have affairs?

How many men were involved in your study? Out of those men, how many of them were insecure and how many of them ended up cheating?

Of those men, how many of their wives "played his game" and avoided having their husband cheat?

Are you basing this opinion (which you post like it's fact) based on your experience as a professional or are you just a jilted wife of an insecure man?

If you are indeed a psychologist do you think it's wise to advise people to play games in their marriage?

Play his game?

Are you basing this opinion (which you post like it's fact) based on your experience as a professional or are you just a jilted wife of an insecure man?

If you are indeed a psychologist do you think it's wise to advise people to play games in their marriage?

When I say "my experience" and "I think" I am stating my opinions. I'm sorry if you took them as a fact. I am not a psychologist and never claimed to be one. I work in an office with 3 men that have had office affairs. My sister's husband had an affair, and my boyfriend has moments of insecurity. So that is the basis of my response.

I think every guy would love it if a woman initiated sex. I'm reminded of a episode of Curb your Enthusiam where this topic came up and Larry David said to his wife, "if you left it up to me, I'd be all over you, all the time, so it's best you initate sex."

I think every guy would love it if a woman initiated sex. I'm reminded of a episode of Curb your Enthusiam where this topic came up and Larry David said to his wife, "if you left it up to me, I'd be all over you, all the time, so it's best you initate sex."

Hey chuff-i just had to say that my husband isn't one of those men that loves it when a woman initiates sex. I have been rejected quite a bit! :confused:

To be honest I had to fight very hard by desire to merely deleted Makapuu advice, it was about the silliest and perhaps wrong advice I could consider.

First with sex, people have different desires and needs and wants.
With that, some may get turned on only with leather or perhaps only with a person of a certain ethnic group.
Other men or women may not like to "ask for sex" perhaps in the past, their partner often says no, and they get tired of asking.

So if he wants you to start it, what is your problem, don't you want to do it with them?

I get the feeling there is a lot missing from your question. I am not even sure that it is a serious inquiry because there is so little in the way of details.

How old are you?

How long have you been together?

Why would he feel like he is "being turned down" if he initiates?

Are you playing games by making him beg and is he tired of it?

Why would you even suspect that he is cheating just because he wants you to let him know when you want sex?

Is he one of those men who likes a woman to 'take charge'? Is a dominant woman a turn on for him? Maybe not to the point of a fetish or anything like that.

Is he lazy about showing his desire and wants you to do all the work in the relationship?

Does it upset you because he wants you to do some of the work?

Having lived with and married an insecure cheater, I say run. Find a partner that you are on the same wave length with in most ways, but especially sexually. If you aren't happy with his request then your needs won't be met... it won't be a good thing. Compatibility is key and it doesn't sound like you have it there. Just speaking from my 42 years on earth, I think if the chemistry is correct, no one is worried about who initiates what... you know what I'm saying? Life is too short. This is just my feelings on the question, I am not a doctor.

What's wrong with a guy asking his partner to initiate sex once in a while?

Perhaps your partner also wants to 'feel irresistible and wanted' - he is only human after all. Perhaps he's sick of being the one doing all the work. Perhaps he's telling you he'd like to get some of his needs met.

Sexual relationhsips are about give and take - note the word 'give'. To assume that your partner is cheating because he asks you to contribute to the sexual relationship sounds naïve in the extreme to me.

I'm suggesting that you look at how often you turn him down and how this affects his sense of masculinity and his confidence in the sexual relationship. Try and take some responsibility for what is happening rather than making false accusations.

Does this mean he's cheating? I like feeling like Im irresistable and wanted...I told him that but he says he doesnt like feeling turned down and I should start everything? What the hell is up with that?

Have you ever thought that maybe HE wants to feel irresistible and wanted by you? I don't think he is a cheater based on what you've told us. It is indeed a turn-on when a woman initiates sex.

Do you turn him down on a regular basis? We don't like to be shot down most of the time.

Sex is a two way street. We all don't have the urge at the same time. But like Chuff said, most guys want it all the time.

I think this came from a movie, "Women need a REASON to have sex, guys just need a PLACE to have sex.

And I also agree with everyone else, don't play games like someone suggested.

Not unless it's like Marshall Matt Dillon and Miss Kitty or some other role play.