I believe I am in a very complicated and stressful situation with a girl. Before starting, I am seeking for professional help in this case, assuming a professional does not mind helping me. The girl has a boyfriend and I'm assuming/estimating that they have been dating for roughly 3 years. I have met her recently, knowing her for about 4 months. From my knowledge, they have had their ups and downs throughout, and those ups and downs range very drastically. They may consist of cheating, of the guy on the girl, but that might be provoked by something the girl has done, I am not sure, but I am assuming that may be the least of it. I have fallen so hard for this girl that it's somewhat hard to get back up without proper help.

Her best friend tells me that I should just give up and let go because they love each other a lot. I should take her advice because no one knows the girl more than her best friend, in this case. I flirt with her and tend to spend quite a lot of time with her, whether it be group hang out, one on one hang out, phone/texting. She flirts back, which I can easily mistaken for her being a tease, but to my surprise I find out she's not a tease. Her best friend tells me that's just how she is. She does not like to complicate things so she just goes along with it, which I know is wrong of her but I assure that she does not do this purposely. I am not defending her, but all this was told to me by her best friend and I take her words for it because there is no reason for her to lie to me. Between her and her best friend, talk of me comes up, and I am sure of it. The problem is her best friend refuses to tell me any details about what exactly is being said about me because she does not want to cross the boundaries.

My main problem is, I know I should just drop it and let it go because that would be the easiest, but I won't be able to do that until she personally tells me. I have yet to confront her about this issue, but there are some things I would like to get advice on before doing so. I asked her best friend whether she (the girl I like) has mentioned to her in their talks about the fact that I should give up and move on. Her best friend very hesitantly denied it, again, because of her problems with crossing boundaries. As crazy as it may sound, that gives me hope. I hope that somewhere along the way she has developed feelings for me as well, whether it'd be great or small, but that's just the ideals.

If everything goes sour after I confront her, I won't be able to deal with seeing her ever again. Or even be able to hang out with her best friend and that group. I may be called shallow but I have a statement for my own defense. During the first few times of meeting her and hanging out with her, I took very little notice of her and didn't even know her name, although I've known of her for about 7 years now. After those few times of hanging out, I found her personality very intriguing so I decided to go for it. There was never friendship between her and I, not on my part at least. If things don't work out, I can't go back to being friends because I never viewed her as a friend.

My ultimatum is to confront her eventually, but again, before I do so I would like some advice. Thank you in advanced to whomever may be my potential shrink.

The best advice I can give you from personal expirences is tell her how you feel what's the worst that can happen she say she don't feel the same I know its easier said then done but its true even if the out come is not what your looking for it will still give you closer and you will be able to heal and move on in time but I know exacly how you feel I'm kind of in the same situation as you I'm scared to death to tell the guy who's been like my best friend for 7 years now that I've always loved him its hard but its timely to you want to do it when the time is right and even if the girl you like doesn't feel the same I'm sure you guys will still stay friends yea it will be awkword at first but time will change that so good luck hope I gave you some good advice to help you out let me know how things work out take care

You have built quite a dilemma for yourself, and should have followed her friends advice to back off someone that is already in a long term relationship. Why would you confront her about her feelings and drive her away, instead of dealing with the reality of your own situation, which has nothing to do with her?

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to another, just how you handle yourself, and your feelings. This is natural, and we grow to know what the right thing to do is, and in your case, the object of your attraction is UNAVAILABLE to you, and what you think you want from her. Leave it alone, and find a better way of spending your time than with her group. Get your own friends based on your own interests, and likes, and stop spending so much time on someone you can't have as a romantic/ love interest.

So you say nothing to her, and don't hang with her so much. Obsessions like yours, will keep you stuck on stupid, and distract you from other options, and opportunities, that may be right under your own nose. Getting her friend to speak in your behalf, is an immature, and frankly cowardly way of doing things, but backing up and dealing with reality, based on facts, and not just feelings, is the way for you to go.

She has a boyfriend.

What if that boyfriend was YOU?

You have built quite a dilemma for yourself, and should have followed her friends advice to back off of someone that is already in a long term relationship. Why would you confront her about her feelings and drive her away, instead of dealing with the reality of your own situation, which has nothing to do with her?

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to another, just how you handle yourself, and your feelings. This is natural, and we grow to know what the right thing to do is, and in your case, the object of your attraction is UNAVAILABLE to you, and what you think you want from her. Leave it alone, and find a better way of spending your time than with her group. get your own friends based on your own interests, and likes, and stop spending so much time on someone you can't have as a romantic/ love interest.

So you say nothing to her, and don't hang with her so much. Obsessions like yours, will keep you stuck on stupid, and distract you from other options, and opportunities, that may be right under your own nose. Getting her friend to speak in your behalf, is an immature, and frankly cowardly way of doing things, but backing up and dealing with reality, based on facts, and not just feelings, is the way for you to go.

Thank you for taking your time replying talaniman. I'm not saying I won't try to take your advice, but there are so many things I left out from the original post. I feel I have to explain myself and discuss things before I am further judged.

Firstly, I know I should let go as her best friend says I should have. To start it off, the boyfriend is a complete and douchebag. I don't know him personally, but I know of times when he has mistreated her. None of her friends like her boyfriend, that's just how bad it is, this includes her best friend. I won't say I'm a super hero because my acts were trying to save her, but I pursued her because I believed she deserved better as well as I should have a fairly decent chance to show her how much better it can be.

Second, I can't agree with my object of attraction being unavailable. She has never told me to let go and move on, but if she did I would gladly oblige. All this time it was her best friend telling me to do that because she personally assumes that I have no chance. Her best friend can't even answer my simple question of, "When you guys talk about me, has she ever mentioned to you before that she feels I need to stop and let go?" Also, I have been greatly mistaken about the group. I don't hang out with the group because of her. I have known these people all since High School, which is around 7 years ago, same time I knew of her. Some of the people in the group happen to be very close to me, I guess we can call it mutual friends.

Third, I won't deny this may be an obsession. I understand there are many opportunities out there, but my reason for sticking it out for this long is because I think she is that great of a girl. It sounds crazy but I might even say it's all worth it at the end no matter the outcome. Again, I personally believe both her and I deserve better. I'm probably going to be told that it's not my decision whether she deserves better, but that's why I've been trying to do something about it so that she may see what I see. I have had my share of fun being with one girl after another, but that's not what I am seeking anymore. When you find a girl this great you try not to let go. Although she has a boyfriend, her boyfriend is an to the utmost extent, which makes it that much easier for me to pursue her.

Also, I think I may have been mistaken again. I never asked anyone to speak to her on my behalf. That as you say is in fact immature and not something I would do.