Yeah, it's another one of those posts :)

My girlfriend broke up with me a few hours ago (I kind of saw it coming though). She said she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore. We had a long talk, and talked about the possibility of staying friends, perhaps after a small break.

Do you guys think it's a bad idea to keep seeing her? I really love her, and I'm afraid that maybe I just want the chance to keep seeing her (for the wrong reasons), although I don't think we'll get together again. At the same time, we get along pretty good, and it's very tempting, I don't know. I'll at least have to meet her again just to talk. Right now I don't know how I'm even going to be able to sleep, much less to any school work (got a thesis deadline coming up).

So what do you think? Any answers much appreciated.

Sorry to hear of your breakup.

Seeing her right now or attempting to stay friends is a really bad idea because you won't be able to move on and it will just fill you with false hope of trying to get back together.

Best thing to do at the moment is go complete No Contact so you can start your healing process , it's not easy but something you need to do for your own good.

Others will be along to give you more advice , and read the stickies at the top of the forum to give you some ideas on how to get through this.

Good Luck!

Sounds like you handled it very well - you should be pleased with yourself! You're in a very good position to begin moving on. Looks like you've passed the denial stage already also which will give you a head-start.

Coming to these forums may have saved you from going through a lot of unnecessary pain. The only thing you can do at the moment is cut all contact with her. That means no MSN, emails, phonecalls, nothing! Oh and if you have her on Facebook delete her ASAP! I've lost count of the number of people who come on here posting about Facebook and breakups.

You see, any kind of contact you have with her will only push her away further, and more importantly it will keep you feeling how you are right now. You won't be able to heal. I'm sure you don't want that. No one would. Don't believe me? Have a read around here, I'm sure it won't take long to convince you :p

You say you'll "need" to meet her again just to talk - I know exactly how you feel. This is especially bad during the early stages. All you want to do is hear her voice, and you feel you have nothing to lose so may as well give it a shot. Do not give in! The first few days are by far the worst. If you can go the rest of the week without contacting her, you'll be well on your way to recovery and feeling great again. You've done great so far, don't screw it up now! I'll say again - no contact is the only way out. No-contact means no-contact. No exceptions. Do not reply to any kind of message, answer the phone, nothing. Your judgement is going to be extremely clouded at the moment, if she tries to communicate with you it does not mean she wants to get back with you. She is just easing her own guilt. Do not reply! You'll feel like an idiot afterwards.

Hope this was of some help, and good luck to you.

Thanks for your reply friend :)

I've been reading around the forum a bit as well. You're probably right, I should probably just try to stay away. The ironic thing is that back in the beginning, I figured that "there's no way this will last" (she's several years younger than me), but I guess I've been shoving that feeling to the back of my head as I've gotten more involved.

Staying friends is might as you say be a bad idea, but I kind of want to meet her again just to talk a little about us, would that be bad? I'm just hurting right now, I need at least a little more closure.

Sorry if I'm rambling on, and thanks for the reply. I appreciate your support.

You say you'll "need" to meet her again just to talk - I know exactly how you feel. This is especially bad during the early stages. All you want to do is hear her voice, and you feel you have nothing to lose so may as well give it a shot.

I wrote my last post before reading your reply, I guess you're right :P All I want to do at the moment is hold her, talk to her, hug her...

Thanks a lot for you support guys, I really, really appreciate it.

People don't break up with each other for no reason - I think you've had all the closure you need. Talking with her won't do anything but hurt you more. Trust me, been there, done that. If she really has completely screwed up (highly doubtful), let her be the one to ask for you back.

Walk away now, you'll look back and be proud that you did.

Edit: Glad to be of some help. :p

Staying friends is might as you say be a bad idea, but I kind of want to meet her again just to talk a little about us, would that be bad? I'm just hurting right now, I need at least a little more closure.

The thing is what do you need to discuss? Are you wanting to meet up with her to maybe see if she'll change her mind or to see if you can talk her out of it? This is where you need to be honest with yourself because right now your mind is in emotional turmoil and sometimes we try to trick ourselves into thinking something can be done to ease the pain.


Sorry if I'm rambling on, and thanks for the reply. I appreciate your support

Ramble away my friend , we're all here to help if we can and get you through this as best as we can.

Any break up is tough. It takes time to heal. Being friends right now is a bad idea because you still want to give this relationship another chance. So the more you keep in touch, the more false hope you'll have. That would just add to the confusion. It will lead you to over-analyze all her actions and the worst part is, you will have a very difficult time moving on.

Avoid contacting her so that you can heal from this break up. Once you've recovered, then you can view the situation is a more objective perspective and go from there.

I've talked to a couple of friends, and they'll definitely hear more about it, but you guys on this forum have probably helped me more than anything.

I really wanted to call her earlier today, and I had to go to the restroom at school just to cry, I even woke up at 5:30 this morning and immediately started wailing. Having trouble eating as well, just feel sick. I feel like I'm in a song by Enrique Iglesias or something...

I spoke with a (girl)friend of mine earlier today about relationships and stuff, and she gave me some perspective, but she also talked about how the "spark" will always disappear after a while and how you have to work on love etc. That just gave me hope and made me think what if, so that kind of made it worse.

Reading around the forum helps, because I feel so at home in what you guys say, I would want nothing more right now than to hold her.

I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. But you got to believe that staying away from her would be in your best interest. Any contact or communication with her will only add to the confusion and prolong your pain and suffering.

You made a great first step by not calling her. You just need to keep it up. It's possible the pain could get worse before it starts getting better. Just be patient with yourself. With time, it will get easier.

However, I do caution that you not pick up if she contacts you. You might even want to consider changing your number.

Here are the no contact rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

If you ever feel the urge to contact her, fight it:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

Good luck!

You're doing well, and as Iwish said, it will get better. You will still have moments of weakness for weeks to come - don't let them get you down too much. We've all been through it. Find someone to talk to or read these forums whenever you're feeling like contacting her.


she also talked about how the "spark" will always disappear after a while and how you have to work on love etc
I had the same thought when my ex broke up with me. She gave me the whole "spark gone" thing too. These are young women we're talking about, they still have their whole lives ahead of them. If she really did like you that much then I'm sure she'd want to work it out with you, but the fact is she doesn't, else she wouldn't have broken up with you.

Hang in there!

It's chaos in my head right now. I've spoken with a couple of more friends, and I'm a little messed up.

I just spent a couple of hours at a friends place. He had a difficult break a little under two years ago, so he was able to relate pretty well to my situation. A lot off the stuff he said was the same that you guys have been saying, that I should avoid contact, it would be really hard meeting her again, delete Facebook etc.

He said something that made a lot of sense to me at least, and I'm curious what you guys think. My girlfriend (can't quite bring myself to saying ex) is 17 years old, and he talked about how that can be a time when a lot of people are unsure what they want, and that she might also have been afraid to commit to strongly to a relationship (perhaps subconsciously). Perhaps she wants to live life so to speak, and not be tied up in a relationship, and the fact that I'm in a different life situation than both her and all her friends that she talks to everyday may have made it harder for her.

After I got back, I spoke with another friend of mine on the phone for a while and filled him in on the situation. He wondered if I had tried to fight for her, which of course made me wonder if I should, although I pretty much know what you guys are going to say about that. We talked about it for a while, and after I tried to convince him (and myself) that it would be a stupid idea, he kind of reneged, saying it should be preventive in stead of putting out fires.

Then he said something that again made sense, but kind of hurt. In his opinion, you have to be careful about how you interact with your girlfriend (me:"what about trust? You should be able to be yourself":P) and show her the side of you that she originally fell for, and let her see you in a social setting where you interact with my friends. This is one area where I failed. We usually hung out just the two of us, and we haven't been seeing a lot of the other persons friends, at least not lately. In his words: there are buttons that are really easy to push, but you have to push them regularly. Of course, both the "keeping your game up even into the relationship" and "fighting for to keep her" made me think what if. He also recommended that I delete her from Facebook though.

He figured she might have had a certain impression of me in the beginning that may have turned out not to be who I was. This was pretty much in line with what a woman friend of mine said (the same one who said the spark will always disappear). She claimed that a woman will usually go into a relationship with a certain expectations, and that she may eventually have found that reality was not what she expected.

Anyway, after I just had to check on her Facebook earlier today, I realized that both you and them are - of course - right, and I've now unfriended her on Facebook and deleted her Phone no. Although to be honest, I saved a ton of pictures from her profile to my hard drive first, and if she calls, I will most likely pick up. But it's a start.

Sorry about the long post, but I just have to get my thoughts down to structure them a bit.

It's quite normal to try to anylize everything in your head at this point , the problem is when your so early into the break up your not thinking rationally as there is still all the emotional dust flying around in your head with all the ifs and buts.

Bottom line is she knows how you feel about her and realises she could have you back in the blink of an eye if she really wants to.

So leave her alone to work out her issues and don't pester her because if anything that'll just push her away further. If you don't contact her she may just realise she misses you and come back. If not then it's just not meant to be.

Thanks for a clear and concise answer! :)

I'm not entirely sure that it would work out if we tried again, I'm worried that this would be a dark cloud hanging over us, and I would be afraid of losing her again, making cramped attempts at avoiding it.

But say she does want to get back together, how should I go about it then? And just to be clear, you still don't want me to pick up the phone if she calls right? So if she wants to get back together, she would have to come to my apartment or something then, right?

You don't pick up correct , and if and when she wants to come back , you cross that bridge if you come to it.

The point being by you thinking she may or may not etc. your not letting go , so what happens is you get stuck in this limbo stage and any little sign you get your brain sees it as a positive instead of what it really is.

We call this False hope , and it's one of the devils of the healing process.

I really love her, and I'm afraid that maybe I just want the chance to keep seing her (for the wrong reasons), although I don't think we'll get together again.

You already know she will not be with you anymore. If you still keep the false hope, try to see, you will need to pretend you do not feel any pain. It will toorture you more.
The best way is NC, and move on. I am sorry for your hurt... I really do.

Who would have thought that the measure of a good day is one that doesn't start with crying... :p

It's been a week, and there's been some improvement. I've started working out again, and seeing how much the endorphins high helps, I'm going to become Hulk Hogan by christmas.. :)

I still miss her, still feel lonely at times, but not quite as bad. Just hope she doesn't try to contact me and that I'll be able to keep up NC. Met her step dad today to give him some stuff of hers, that was enough to set me back a little, so running into her would be a category five event.

Sorry for your pain. But one day, not yet, you will look back on this and say "Wow, she REALLY wasn't THE one".

You'll be happy one day, you'll see. With time, you'll be fine.

Love gives us our highest highs, or lowest lows.

Good luck to you.

That's why No Contact is such an essential weapon in breakups , you said yourself how you had a little setback just by seeing her step Dad and giving back some of her stuff.

If you ever get the urge to contact her just remember that and think how many further steps you'd go back , your doing good , hang in there!!

Thanks guys!

"Love gives us our highest highs, or lowest lows." I like that, I'll keep that in mind. :)

I think you are doing a great job at handling this breakup. So sorry that you are going through it but it is something we all have to face in life.
I would suggest you delete her contact info from your phone, if you need to keep it then store it away somewhere. You need to do the no contact rule for your best interest. Leave herh alone. She is the one who broke it off, if she misses you she will contact you. In the meantime don't respond to her contacts or else you will over analyze and misinterpret things and you are back in square one again.
Keep up the good work. I wish I found this forum a few months ago. People here are really nice.

i would suggest you delete her contact info from your phone, (...) leave herh alone. she is the one who broke it off, if she misses you she will contact you. in the meantime dont respond to her contacts or else you will over analyze and misinterpret things and you are back in square one again.

I deleted her number, now all I need to do is put information out of business... :p


keep up the good work. i wish i found this forum a few months ago. people here are really nice.

That's true, I've gotten a lot of support, it's helped me a great deal. I usually come here and read the posts if I'm feeling down.

I think I saw my ex drive past me on the bus today. I'm not even a 100% sure it was her, but it sure looked like it. Think she saw me too. And now I was just crying while looking at pictures of her. Damn it...

I regularly have to will myself not to look at her Twitter account. I wish it would be either or. Either get back together and it's all sunshine - I realize intellectually that it's just a fantasy, I'm just working to come to terms with it emotionally as well. Or, get over her and be done with it.

I've started writing a journal, and it's filling up quite fast. It helps to get stuff down on paper (well, notepad). Hmm, I feel better now :)

A Journal is a good thing , particularly when you look back on it in a few weeks time and actually see the progress you've made.

Another good idea is to write a list of the Good and Bad about her and the relationship (and be honest) You'll be surprised how many items are in the Bad column that your not really thinking about at the moment because you have her on a pedestal.

I had a nightmare about my ex this morning. In a nutshell, it was a nightmare because she didn't want to be with me anymore, so of course waking up didn't exactly help either... It was kind of weird, because we talked on the phone, and it was so nice to hear her voice, even if it was just in a dream. I feel like I've backtracked just because I may have caught a glimpse of her yesterday.

Friend4U: thanks for the tip, I'm going to get started on that list as soon as possible.

Good luck with that list-it s a great idea-it helps a lot!

Went to a party yesterday, and I actually had a good time :)

This morning however, was a new kind of low. Maybe I'm just beginning to realize that she's no longer a part of my life, and I don't like the parts that are left. Although I'm getting a lot of support, I feel really lonely at times, and I really wanted to see her. Sometimes I feel like there's nothing to look forward to when I can't be with her.

You re having a dip that's what it is.
Some days can be like that until time and real healing kicks in.
Be patient with yourself.

You will get use to being alone after so much time with someone. There is a big difference between alone, and lonely.

I just read this article:
What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold (http://www.been-dumped.com/whatwentwrong.php)
I seems like me and my ex made it to the end of the "Romantic Relating" stage, and then it ended. What do you guys think, do you think there's anything to this article, or is it just bull?

Interesting read.


Though many relationships move past this stage, a number do not. Why? There are many reasons. These can include:

* lack of readiness for the challenges of the next stage.
* issues with commitment and fidelity.
* immature beliefs about what relationships should be.
* being stuck on an idealized, romanticized notion of love.

If one of the partners is not ready for a less than perfect and more demanding stage of love, they will exhibit this in their behavior, language and overall level of openness and availability towards the other. This is when the couple begins to think more seriously of a future with each other.

Sounds like my ex all right. I think all 4 of those bullet points hit the hail on the head... no wonder we broke up!

Think the article says what everyone has been saying in most of the posts here, and its extremely logical, and insightful.. Especially this part.



As you evaluate your failed relationship, note the stage you were in when the change occurred. Chances are that the necessary level of readiness and maturity was not present in one or both of you. Perhaps one of you decided that this is not the kind of partner or relationship I am seeking. This new information and insight should help you to choose a future partner who is better suited to you and desirous of the same kind of relationship that you are.


I got from this that you let go and get ready for the future. (heal, and move on. I know that sounds familiar.

I think I saw my ex drive past me on the bus today. I'm not even a 100% sure it was her, but it sure looked like it. Think she saw me too. And now I was just crying while looking at pictures of her. Damn it...

I regularly have to will myself not to look at her Twitter account. I wish it would be either or. Either get back together and it's all sunshine - I realize intellectually that it's just a fantasy, I'm just working to come to terms with it emotionally as well. Or, get over her and be done with it.

I've started writing a journal, and it's filling up quite fast. It helps to get stuff down on paper (well, notepad). Hmm, I feel better now :)

Ignore her if you see her. At most say hi and tell her you are headed somewhere and cannot talk. If it was her, she was just looking for attention.
Do not look at any of her accounts, delete and block them. No pictures, no updates. No nothing. Make that determination to move on. You need to be happy with yourself. She is not your source of happiness! No one should be your life.
Ignore dreams. They don't mean anything.
Keep up the writing in the journal. It can do wonders in the healing process and lets you share your thoughts. When you feel down/frustrated, write your emotions out. You will feel much better afterwards.
Start on that list of pros/cons about her. I am sure the cons will outweigh the pros. When you finish, you will realize she is not the angel she really is. Be very honest and list even the smallest things about her that annoy you!

I feel like that article pretty much nailed it. Our relationship reached the end of the initial phase, and the "reality" of the situation set in. Due to a lot of factors, she did not want to continue seeing me.

I've started on the list by the way, and I'm writing in my journal everyday - a page and a half just today. Those were some great tips, it helps a lot just to vent there.

I feel really anxious and restless sometimes, is that normal? I'll be sitting around, like now, and then it hits me. It's a really uncomfortable feeling, thinking about her and what I lost.

That's when you stop sitting around and look for positive tasks to accomplish. Its normal to have those feelings we all do. But you need a plan for how to deal with them. Working on something is highly effective. Planning tasks ahead is even better.

It's gotten harder, I miss her more than ever. I think about her all the time, although I try to do stuff. I try to remind myself that it will just become worse if I talk to her, and I've (re)read several threads on the forum, but it's still hard. Yesterday I spoke with a friend of mine who said it took him a year and a half to get over his first love. That's a scary notion.

Spoke with my mother earlier, and she said something in passing; since my ex is so young, it probably won't take long before she's with someone else. I hope not, I wouldn't be able to stand that. I wonder if she's thinking about me, or if she's moved on...

The sooner you let it go, the sooner you will see the other options and opportunities that are in front of you, and will be healthy enough to pursue them.

Sometimes its harder than others to forget the past, but it will get better, so don't let a bad day make you think you won't have good ones, as well.

Thanks. I recognize my own emotions in a lot of the stuff that's written here, which helps (and so does your support, thanks!). I do feel regret, that some stuff could have been done differently, all of that stuff, and it's hard to get used to the idea that this girl is gone. But I'm sure it will get better.

It will get better and you just have to REALLY believe that , once you do it makes the whole process a lot quicker.

What mistakes do you think you made and what mistakes do you think she made?

It's really hard... I have regrets... I have been NC for a month now... it's getting better... but I'm not over her at all... I'm dreading the day I actually bump into her... it will happen... but hopefully when I am totally over her... which I know will happen.
Just have to hang in there... I tried for the best part of 6 weeks to win her back... she wanted to keep seeing me, but I soon realised it was to make it easier for her to get over me... first 2 weeks (4 times a week), next 2 weeks (3 times a week) and so on...

There are so many people going through what we are going through... you are not alone and you will become stronger...

In a way now, if she wanted to come back, would I take her back... I don't think I would, in fact I am 100% sure I would not take her back... for several reasons:

1 - she was pretty hard with the break-up, no compassion... do I want to risk again... probably not
2 - I could have kept on to her, had I been more compromising... perhaps I broke up with her in real terms, by not giving her what she needs... hence she broke up...

Read my thread if you want the story:

It's all my fault...

Don't get me wrong, I still have feelings for her and I miss her... but I know it's not going to work... what also makes it hard is my ego... I suppose it's difficult to think of her with someone else... which is inevitable...

These forums are great... they really help... just to write on them, to get the pain out and to think things through logically...

All the best!

What mistakes do you think you made and what mistakes do you think she made?

I've been thinking a lot about what went wrong during the past few weeks. Like I wrote earlier, I think we reached the end of that first stage where everything is just bliss, and the "reality" of the situation kicked in. There may have been several factors here; the age difference probably became more apparent, maybe for the both of us. She's only 17, so maybe she figured she felt the relationship became too serious. Maybe she doesn't realize that the initial spark will always disappear, and that a relationship takes work. This was my first relationship, so I might have done a lot off stupid stuff that I don't even realize.

In terms of mistakes, we didn't take part in each other's life very much. I rarely saw her friends, and she rarely saw mine, especially in the last couple of months. I feel like we would have benefited from seeing each other in a social setting, and she might have seen more of the guy she fell in love with. It might also have spiced up our interaction a little. To put it this way; movie night was getting a little monotonous.

She mentioned how we "don't talk" once, but I didn't get the hint. Another time, she told me that we had to be able to talk about stuff. I felt like we could, so I didn't see it as a problem. On the day of the break-up, she complained that we always just talked about the same (superficial) stuff, and that we never had any "deep" conversations. My point is that she evidently felt that communication was lacking, and this didn't set off the alarm bells with me that it should have.

So, age (difference), didn't become involved enough in the other person's life, communication or lack thereof. Any thoughts?

@The Captain:
It seems like we are having a lot of the same thoughts and emotions. I would probably take her back in a heart beat, although I realize the odds are against us. The thought of her getting a new boyfriend, kissing him, cuddling, and worse, it's severely uncomfortable to think about. Thanks for posting, it helps to hear from others in the same situation. I'll be reading your thread asap.

When we get into an exclusive relationship, its not unusual for it to not work in the long run as people can have a great time but when the fun has run its course its just time to move on. I also think its not unusual to come to know that people want different things at different times and its usually that conflict that breaks a couple up. No biggie though its just those darn human feelings that gets in the way until we get over them.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, far short, skinny, or tall 18-80, blind cripple or crazy.

Its always been my position to have fun getting to know people, and not just jumping in to fast, or to deep that you can't back out of, and dating around gives you a better perspective on the whole situation, and helps you not fixate on one person, keeps your options open, and gives you a choice when one stands out for a good risk to be exclusively dating (more than just a few months in my book, 6 at least) and the best part, you don't get the high expectations and have time to gather the real facts, and make a good decision based on those facts, and not just those intense feelings that initial attractions bring about.

The point is it makes you take your time, so you can think about what your doing. And you can protect your own heart much better

Remember, to much, to soon, crash and burn, and that sucks.

An insightful comment as always talaniman, thank you :)

I think if she wanted to come back, probably a month ago or so, then perhaps I may have taken her back... but I can't now... for a few reasons:

1 - she has seen me really suffer, so she can see that I love her a lot and hence the relationship will possibly be uneven... I think my mistake was that I was far too desperate and needy when she told me... I should have (listened to others) been more cool and said fine, have your space and then see what you want... in hindsight and in future that's what I will do.

2 - As I initially initiated the break-up, I obvioulsy had issues... and these will not go away... so now that I have partially got over her, there is too much to lose.

3 - I have been with other girls to in the past month, and she may have been with boys... it makes me feel sick to think about it, but it's a real possibility and I could not handle that... it would bother me...

4 - Right now I don't want to know her or see her, just for self-preservation... in 6 to 12 months, when I hope I am fully over her, then I won't care and probably laugh at myself... and then would be fine to see her, as we were very good friends...

I think you only get over someone when you meet someone new who is equal or better... which in my situation is going to be tough... but who knows.


Talaniman - I agree that it's better to date a few girls at once, keeping your options open etc... but with me the issue is that I always prefer one to the others and then just want to see that one... so it's not easy!

I just received a text from my ex saying "do you wanna meet today?" I'm literally shaking now. What should I do? You're probably going to say to just ignore her, but I just don't know if I have it in me.

How long ago did she break-up with you?

And

How long have you had No Contact?

It's been three weeks to the day, and there hasn't been any contact or attempted contact from either one of us since she walked out my door that day.

I'm no expert... but take your time first of all.

It's been 3 weeks and you have done very well. Perhaps she is hurt that you did not try to get her to come back... so she wants to see you again... who knows.

I would love to have been in your position... but I made mistakes and was too needy...

I would arrange to meet her, but I would play it totally cool... as she could just want to have closure or she might want back...

If she wants back and you are happy with it, you need to make sure she's desperate to come back and you have partially moved on etc...

You don't want her to give you this treatement 2 months down the line.
You need to find out why she has done what she did...

I personally would meet... but not today... maybe Wednesday/Thursday...
Appear busy!

She's most likely testing you to see how you react because you've disappeared from her life so well (she probably wasn't expecting it). She's curious. I'd ignore it. If you really really do want to reply, proceed with caution - ask her why she wants to meet you and act like you don't want to or don't think it's a good idea.

Well, like a jackass, I ask for your advice, and then ignore it. We've agreed to meet tomorrow. This might be a bad idea, but I feel like it's worth the setback to at least give it a shot. We'll probably just talk little bit, might not even be productive, but at least I won't be wondering "what if?"...

Well, like a jackass, I ask for your advice, and then ignore it. We've agreed to meet tomorrow. This might be a bad idea, but I feel like it's worth the setback to at least give it a shot. We'll probably just talk little bit, might not even be productive, but at least I won't be wondering "what if?"...

I was in your shoes many times my friend. I advise you to go into tomorrow with absolutely no expectations of resolving anything, although I know that is impossible. While I would love to be able to talk you out of this mess, I know it won't do any good. I wish you luck! Be cool, calm and collected during this conversation.

She is only fishing for you to be in her life as a friend, but you probably think she misses you, and wants you back.

I don't think so, but its up to you. After dumping someone its easy to keep someone around until something better catches her attention.

My girlfriend wanted me to be in her life... but as friends... I presume she wanted to get used to seeing me less and less in a gradual process... after a while I got fed up... but after living with someone for 2.5 years and doing everything with them, it was difficult to avoid her...

Tomorrow - I would play it really cool... show no interest in getting back... if she wants to, then say you are not sure... if she wants to be friends, say no...

Don't show emotion... let us know!

I envy you, I wish I had that chance!

Doh! You could have at least waited a while before replying :rolleyes:.

Too late to do anything about it now though. She now knows you're still wanting to get back with her. Try and hint to her that you aren't, but make sure you're subtle in doing so. Appear busy, as if you have lots of other things you could be doing instead. I wouldn't spend too long with her either. If she does ask about another chance, give it some thought. Don't give her an answer straight away, go off and think about it. If all she wants is friendship, tell her you're not interested.

I will say, with all honesty, my ex wanted me in her life as well... until she found another boyfriend. Trust me, you won't want to be around to see that, so if I were you, I would disappear from her life.

The risk here is that it's going to leave you with yet more disappointment as you'll go there hoping for a new chance that's probably not going to happen.

On a side note... it was my ex's birthday a week ago... I did not send her anything, not even a text... was I rude?

Captain, stop hijacking someone else's thread, you have your own to comment on about your own situation.

It's not a question of being rude or not-once NC there should be no more communication, including birthday cards.

Thanks for all your feedback guys!
I've been telling myself all day that she does not wish to get back together, she's probably curious because I haven't contacted her, or she wants to talk about what went wrong or something. I will try to keep my expectations at an absolute minimum.

I'm fairly nervous about tomorrow, partly because I'm nervous about what she's going to say, but also because I know it'll be a setback, and I'll feel like s**t afterwards. Hopefully I'll cope with it better this time around.

I think you will, because your eyes are open, and you vision is much clearer.

Much luck.

Well I just came back. She wanted to be friends, told her it was a bad idea. She looked beautiful today, so now I miss her like h*ll again. Both as expected. I'll post more later, now I'm just going to rant in my journal for a bit.

Thumbs up sticking to your conviction, despite how good she looked. The journal venting is also an excellent move.

Thanks, but it wasn't hard to turn her down. After a while it was just so painful to be sitting there without being able to hold her hands or play with her hair or kiss her or anything. She also mentioned in passing how this guy had hit on her, and just the idea of her hooking up at a party or something is enough to kill me, so I knew friendship would never work, although it seemed like she genuinely wanted it and me as part of her life, and wasn't just trying to ease her own guilt. I made a record breaking entry into the journal today...

Thanks, but it wasn't hard to turn her down. After a while it was just so painful to be sitting there without being able to hold her hands or play with her hair or kiss her or anything. She also mentioned in passing how this guy had hit on her, and just the idea of her hooking up at a party or something is enough to kill me, so I knew friendship would never work, although it seemed like she genuinely wanted it and me as part of her life, and wasn't just trying to ease her own guilt. I made a record breaking entry into the journal today...

Well done. I have been in your shoes before and it sucks, but I'm proud of you. :)

Thanks. I think I'll recover more quickly this time, although it's painful to think about this great girl that I lost. I'm trying to see the silver lining here; if I was able to attract this beautiful, outgoing, resourceful, great girl now, then hopefully I'll be able to find another great girl later (Hope that doesn't sound too arrogant :P).

Thanks. I think I'll recover more quickly this time, although it's painful to think about this great girl that I lost. I'm trying to see the silver lining here; if I was able to attract this beautiful, outgoing, resourceful, great girl now, then hopefully I'll be able to find another great girl later (Hope that doesn't sound too arrogant :P).

I have every ounce of confidence you will! Good luck buddy!

I'm trying to see the silver lining here; if I was able to attract this beautiful, outgoing, resourceful, great girl now, then hopefully I'll be able to find another great girl later (Hope that doesn't sound too arrogant
No doubt.

Buddy I knoow what you are saying... Im going through the same thing right now but I don't understand girls at all. My girl friend said to me that we need to take a break from our relationship but we are not breaking up... now to make things worst she texted me yesterday asking me how's everything is going so I texted back saying Im good... Now I don't know if we have broke up or what.. Now this pit is advice from my best friend who is a girl "Dont call her send her a text answer the phone nothing that will really upset her. If your friends or family answer the phone tell then to tell he that you are busy don't have any contact with her that will make things worst for you its going to be hard I know because I want to ring my girlfriend right now... GOOD LUCK

[once more, sorry about the long post. The journal wasn't enough today]

I was feeling better... I'm just a textbook example of why NC is important; I was just beginning to feel better, but after sitting down with her for an hour, a lot of emotions came flooding back. She looked stunning, beautiful, cute as... It hurts to think about this truly amazing girl that I lost (I have her on a pedestal, I know).

She wanted to be friends, and I said that I need some time and space to get over her, as I still have feelings for her, but that maybe we could try to be friends somewhere down the line (kinda doubt it). She asked me to contact her once I felt like I was ready.

I asked her why she thinks we broke up. I asked about some of the stuff that I've been mentioning here in the past few weeks, but she didn't feel like age had been a problem. She didn't feel like communication had been a problem either - which is good - but after we talked about it for a while I still felt like this is something we could have done better.

What she did see as a problem though, was our personalities; she felt that we were too different. She mentioned as an example how she's always stressed and works her a** off until she becomes ill, while I'm more laidback, "I do what I feel like" as she put it. I'm in business school, so I'm not totally without ambition - I think she was talking more about attitude here. Anyway, I think she may have had a point.

Whether you want to say it's due to personality, age, maturity, different interests, or whatever, she's probably right that we were too different for it to work in the long run. Like Talaniman said, you can have fun, but once it stops being fun, then maybe it's time to move on.

She did say one thing that had me pondering though. I can't remember exactly how she phrased it, but she talked about how she had liked it in the very beginning, when we were just hanging out, how she liked it then. I think she said something about us being friends at that time, because I was thinking to myself that we've never been just friends, there's always been some undercurrent of attraction (for me at least). I asked her if she felt like it had become too serious, and she said no. She was also the first one to express her feelings for me, so...
I don't know, maybe she doesn't want to be tied up in a relationship, she's a real party girl.

Which bothers me by the way. She likes to party, she's very outgoing, cute, and she'll often get pretty drunk, so I know it's just a matter of time before some douche hits on her. I hope it'll be long before she gets a new boyfriend, that would just totally destroy me at this point.

You have said about 200000 times that she is pretty.. pretty pretty

And she goes out and gets drunk.
So you got a young hot girl getting drunk..

Needless to say myfriend you have no faith in her.. nor trust.. which.. stands to reason after what she has done.

She has broken up with you.. to go off and have fun. And not being in a serious relationships

It hurts like hell
And you seeing her again was a massive mistake.
Remember this

Out of sight.. only a memorie.. feelings fade.
In sight.. Feelings get mixed up.. and only pain

All the best

I'm just a textbook example of why NC is important

I learned the hard way too. About the importance of NC, and it doesn't matter the reasons for a break up! Not at all. It still sucks.

Needless to say myfriend you have no faith in her.. nor trust.. which.. stands to reason after what she has done.

I don't feel like trust was an issue when we were a couple, but maybe you're right, maybe that's changed now. I guess I don't have faith in her walking the straight and narrow, so to speak... She can do whatever she wants of course, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it...


She has broken up with you.. to go off and have fun. and not being in a serious relationships

I got the impression that this was part of the reason yeah. Although she didn't really say so, it seems like this might have been a factor.


it hurts like hell
and you seeing her again was a massive mistake.
remember this

Out of sight.. only a memorie.. feelings fade.
In sight.. Feelings get mixed up.. and only pain

It was worth it just to get rid of the uncertainty, but yeah, hurts like h*ll. Had the urge to
Contact her just now, but I just thought of how much it hurt when I saw her again .That'll keep me motivated.


all the best

Thank you! :)

Hang on to that-contact hurts and that s one pain you don't need.
Keep healing,one day at the time. Be patient with yourself and be good to yourself.
Keep posting and take care.

Today it's been one month since she broke up with me. Although I think about her all the time, miss her like crazy, and although there's still pain, I am getting better, if ever so slowly. Yesterday I was sitting in the cafeteria at school by myself, just smiling because I was in a good mood. It's something that would often happen, but hasn't happened in a while.

I keep thinking about what Friend4U wrote:
"Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back."
I want that person back. Hopefully it won't be too long before I find myself again.

You re getting there,remember time's on your side.

Thanks. It sucks to be forced to get over her, but it's better than the alternative.

Believe me... I can feel your pain all over... It sucks... I am at 1 month and a half of no contact... I still saw a photo of us kissing by mistake on my phone so I deleted it quick... feeling down now. I hate this feeling of missing her... just hang in there with me.

Emopunk, I had a look at your thread. I know exactly how you feel, I miss her something awful. I just came back from a party, and all I could think of was whether she was at a party tonight, how much I would like to have her with me etc. Life these days is mostly about passing time and trying to keep myself from thinking about her. I know it will get better, for the both of us, but it will take some time.

I've been majorly depressed lately. It's not like before, there's a different kind of pain, not as intense, but worse in a way. I can't help but to think that she may have moved on. I read this on here the other day:


From a female and from my own perspective, usually when a woman leaves a guy it usually means she has moved on.
I think women in general give their all when in a relationship, but will be willing to take it all with her and leave when she feels the need to do so.

I'm trying not to worry about it, but it's like the polar bear thing. I wish I could go away somewhere, but I have my exams coming up next week.

You are beginning to realise and accept that it is over. That underlying hope of getting back together is getting crushed as time goes by and that's why you feel the pain. The fear that she might have moved on is there because if she has then all this is definitely real and permanent. Don't fall into the trap of trying to analyse what the fact she might have moved on that fast says about your relationship. Believe me I have gone down that path and it won't lead anywhere. The truth is that she is no longer in a relationship and is free to move on as are you.

Just try and focus on your exams. I know its hard but you can do this

Yes, focus on your school work, try hanging out with your other friends for support, and soon or a later your hurt will be gone. You are still young and there are so many fish in the ocean that you can catch.

Busterite, I think you were pretty much spot on with your post, I guess I've been realizing that it is in fact over, and I've been truly desperate because it is. And 2ndTime, thanks, I know, I try to socialize and to keep my mind off things.

Well, just signed up for a climbing class tomorrow. Hopefully that will help me keep my mind off things for a bit.

Keeping busy and learning new skills help. Have a good time.

Well, in a move showing total lack of insight into my own abilities, I just ordered a guitar and a play guide. Hopefully I'll make something more of it than just learning the first 10 seconds of Nothing Else Matters... :p

Sometimes, you can turn a emotional case into a creative outlet. I think you are doing right by channeling your emotion into hobby.

Yeah just keep channeling that emotion in a positive way man, it gets easier trust me. The best motivation for me personally is people either not thinking I'm good enough, or turning me down, etc... nothing else lights a fire under me more. You just have to use it in a positive way, and then eventually you just start doing things because you realize that they make you happy. Hang in there, and just vent here if needed! :)

Well, here comes the venting. Why is it always hardest in the morning? It's like everyday I get up, it hits me again. I still cry pretty much everyday. I've become better at steering my thoughts over to other things, so that might be a sign of improvement, but I still frequently have moments where I miss her so much it hurts. I sometimes feel like calling her just to hear her voice. I know it would mess me up even more, so I'm not actually going to do it. It just sucks that she's got so much stuff going on in her life - and may be over me by now for that matter - while I'm stuck here because everyone's busy with their exams. I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling down because I've been sick and haven't had the chance to exercise.

Sorry to hear you've been sick that can make you feel a bit down,try not to dwell on her moving on but on YOU moving on instead.
Make plans to do something you really enjoy every day-you are getting over this ,it just takes time.

Thanks for the support, both of you, all of you. It really goes a long way.

I know I shouldn't dwell on it, and that's why I try to get my mind over on other things, and keep myself occupied. Maybe I'm being impatient, but I just didn't expect this kind of dip a month and half after the break-up. I think I mentioned it, but I spent a month abroad from her this summer with little contact, and my feelings had subsided quite substantially when I got back, so I was expecting to feel better by now. I'm having trouble letting go as well, but I'll just have to try to load up on happy memories and see where it takes me. Thanks again.

It's understandable that mornings are always the worst. I'm definitely past the grief stage, but I still say it's a 60/40 split between she is not the first thing I think of in the morning, to yes I do still think of her when I wake up. Chalk it up to the sleeping in the same bed 97% of the 13 months we were together I guess. Just keep staying busy and hang out with friends. My break up happened about 6 months ago... and then she waffled for about 2.5 months before finally calling it off that she couldn't be in my life at all... and me going NC. I've only just recently started noticing hot girls checking me out, and flirting with me... so it is definitely a process my man. Just let it all out, by I can tell you from experience IT DOES GET BETTER! Just take it one day at a time! :)

Yesterday, I got wasted for the first time in two months. Although it was too soon and I got a little depressed by the end of the evening, I still had a great time. And for the first time since the break-up, I saw this hot girl that I liked. Signs of improvement I hope.

Anyway, do you guys think it's possible to maintain a friendship with an ex without any undercurrents of other stuff? I'm not ready for it yet, not even by a long shot, but I'm not sure if I want her to disappear from my life completely.

Only after a complete, and thorough healing process, where the goal is acceptance, can you achieve any sort of friendship with the ex. Any efforts to be friends before that is a recipe for disaster.

Of course there is always a risk, your partner, or ex will not be as willing as you to be the kinds of friends you want them to be, for whatever reason.

That's why the acceptance is so important, as it still may not work out the way you want it to.

I sometimes find myself wondering if my ex is missing me, or even thinking about me. It probably sounds stupid, but I occasionally wonder how she's going to remember me. I'm pretty sure she had another boyfriend before me, so I wasn't the first, and she's so young. I'm worried I'll just be that guy she dated for a while in high school, a good memory of her teen days perhaps, but nothing more.

I'm afraid that's probably another one of those questions that you might never get the answer to.
Try not to overthink this,once you're over the breakup,she'll be a memory as well.

It hurts to think about, so I know I shouldn't and I try not to, but sometimes I have to face those feelings just to get rid of that nagging pain.

I understand,it's all part of the healing process,so long as it helps you move on.

Thank you-soldier on SH, you'll if there.

I'm sorry about your breakup. =/
Not sure if I'll be any help but here's my advice since I know a couple of people in the same situation as you're in.
I think you shouldn't start hanging around her until you've moved on for sure.
If you two decided to be friends and she starts seeing someone, I have a feeling it wouldn't cause very happy emotions in you.
Just focus on anything else and try not to think too much about her, I guess.
But I'm only repeating what many before me are saying. But good luck. ^^
I hope you'll feel better soon =)

Thanks for reading my post Dararamm. You're right, seeing her with someone right now would mess me up beyond repair, I'd have to sign up for the Army or something. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to see her with someone, so maybe we can never be friends, which s*cks.

Thing is, I think the reason that I keep thinking about that is because I miss her so much, and I want to see her again. And I guess I'm hoping that I'll be able to win her back, but that's just false hope of course. When (if?) I've healed enough to actually just think of her as a friend, I have a feeling I won't really be interested anyway.

Today it's been 2 months since she dumped me, so I've been thinking about her a lot today. I just made the mistake of looking at her FB page for the second time since the break-up. She's updated her profile pic (which is all I can see, since I unfriended her), and she was smiling and looking all cute. Mistake on my part, a painful one. I just miss her so much. At least there's an upward trend, although I sometimes feel like a snail scaling Mt. Everest or something.

Facebook is the Devil when it comes to breakups , hopefully this is a lesson learnt and you don't go back there. There's nothing to gain by looking so it's a lose lose.

Curiosity killed the cat.

I just saw my ex. I was at my local supermarket, and just as I was getting my stuff, there she was, in the beginning of the line, waving at me and smiling kind of shyly. Her hair's a bit longer now, just the way I like it. She looked all that. I just gave her a nod and left without waiting. Maybe she thought that was weird, but whatever. I was barely able to make it home before I started crying. I miss her so much it's actually painful. I just want her back. Goddammit, I miss you so much.

I'm sorry for your pain. You handled yourself well if that helps to know. You'll get past this bump in the road too.

Yes, way to go.

Every time we jump one of these hurdles, we get stronger.

Just takes time.

I actually had a pretty good dip just because of that one short glimpse, amazing how fragile I am at this point. It almost seems a little unfair, I hardly think she was messed up because of it (not that I want her to be). I've spent the night at my mother's place, it helps to break the routine and get away a bit. I feel better now.

On a side note though, I just stepped on the scale, and I've lost almost 20lbs since before the break-up. I wasn't very big to begin with, now I'm downright skinny, and I can definitely feel the effects of it. Good thing Crhistmas is coming up :)

I'm happy you've recovered from the dip,now you won't have to go through that again. Make sure you put some weight back on over the hols-double helpings!

Sorry I read a few of your first posts, then the recent ones, did you say how long you dated? By the sounds of the healing process it was a while, and I'm very sorry its hurt you so deeply... im sure you have heard more than enough times that it takes TIME, some longer than others. You will heal. Surprise sightings of exes are rarely handled in a calm and cool way. Hell, me and my ex are decent friends, and I still get tongue tied when I unexpectedly see her... I don't know how attached you are to Facebook, but why not delete it? I deleted mine about 4 months ago, and you will be shocked and how little it matters if you do frequent the site. Its hard man, you are preaching to the choir, but we are hear for you, and so are your family and friends. Reach out to them if you already haven't. Don't keep this bottled in whatever you do. A great medicine to a hurting heart is letting people in... it feels good. I hope things turn around for you, man I really do. I wish you best of luck in the future... there are so many girls out there, you have no idea! How old are you by the way?

Don't let your body suffer brother, take care of yourself, and the rest will come. Don't let your grades slip(I assume your in school) you need to focus on yourself... harder than it sounds but getting rid of the physical evidence of her is a start: out of sight, out of mind

@aiyerrc: Thanks for posting, it goes a long way. How long did we date? This is going to be embarrassing... With all the b'ing and moaning I've been doing since day 1, you'd think we went to kindergarten together. My reaction has not been proportionate to the duration of the relationship. We first met and hooked up at a party last summer. There was some contact and texting through last fall, but it wasn't until early January that we really started dating, so we were really only a couple for nine months. That may sound ridiculous, but this girl really got under my skin. In the beginning I didn't care much at all, but over time I fell deeply in love with her, and her leaving me has been absolutely devastating. I've never felt this way about a girl before. Coming here was a major stroke of luck, I'm so glad I have you guys helping me.

I talked a lot with friends in the beginning, but not so much anymore. I talk to my mother about what's going on though, and I agree that spilling your heart out really helps. I really hope things turn around as well, and I'll have to work to make it happen, because I'm so tired now. My school performance has taken a hit. I keep thinking about how she's probably doing fine, but then I try to tell myself that if she's moved on, then so should I. I'm a grad student in business school, so I need to get my focus back. At least I can spend more time on school now.

I can't delete my FB account altogether, because I would miss out on a lot of social arrangements, but I will try to log on less frequently. Oh, and my age; I recently turned 25.

Merry Christmas! :) How's everybody holding up through the holidays? I volunteered at a church-run charity event today, best Christmas I've had in years.

That sounds great!
Its freezing cold here and lots of snow.
Merry Xmas!

I got a text from the ex. I was wondering if she would send me one. I figured I'd feel a little validated if she did, knowing that at least she hasn't completely forgotten about me, but still knowing that I would be better off if she didn't. I was right. Anyway, here's what she wrote:

"Merry Christmas... It's been a while since we've talked. I was just wondering how you're doing. Do you still want to avoid all contact?"

I thought maybe I'd write a short text back saying merry Christmas, hope you're having fun, and that I still think it's too early to meet. Any thoughts?

Yes. Don't do it!

SomethingHere... I was going out with my ex and after 9 months, I felt things change and she even said she doesn't feel the same anymore. I forced our relationship after that but still after another 8 months we really did break up. Then after 6 months she started contacting me and then we started going out and it lasted another year and 9 months. Then she broke up with me again. Don't do it man. I wish I didn't have to suffer right now. Just keep trying to be happy single and then your next relationship with another beautiful amazing girl will be much more special. You will see. It always happens. If it didn't work once, it won't ever work. Hang in there and instead just use her text as a strength towards recovery. She is still thinking of you. Use that and know that you are awesome and she lost out. Hang in there and you will feel great.

How about letting it go, and send her nothing. The last thing you want is to get back into the same confusion you're trying to avoid. She could have left it at "merry Christmas", she didn't.

Let your silence be her answer, because your right, your still fragile.

I hope you didn't respond.

NC, you. Know...

Thanks for replying so quickly guys! I had actually decided to reply, but I figured I'd follow your advice for once, so I deleted her text instead. I feel kind of rotten about ignoring her, I don't know why. Maybe because it demonstrates that she is indeed no longer part of my life, to the point where I can't even send her a text. Or maybe because we were so close, and now I'm just ignoring her. I miss her, I wish I could have wished her a merry X-mas, but I guess this is what I have to do for my own good.

I don't know why she would even send me that text (here we go with the over-analyzing). Maybe she has some residual feelings - three month itch or whatever - but I doubt it. Maybe she misses the friendship we had. Or maybe she just feels guilty about dumping me. Not that it really matters. All I know is that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, and that's really all I need to know.

That's good news S_H , acceptance is a major step forward.

I see good progress :)

Thanks Friend. I don't know if I've fully accepted it yet, I still have to remind myself every day that it's over, that she's not coming back and that it wouldn't have worked anyway. But I'm working on it, and I'll get there.

Don't feel rotten-its about you now-being nice or polite is not an issue anymore-healing is.

Thanks for the greenie-no feelings aren't which is why we have to use our minds to reason with our hearts. :-)

I thought about something earlier; do I somehow hold on to her through the misery, through missing her? Do I have trouble letting go because this is all I have left of her? Because if I begin to heal, that will break the last bond I have to her? I don't know if this makes any sense at all, just crossed my mind.

Yes S_H there is something in that as far as the breaking the last bond , its called FALSE HOPE ;)

Damn! :) yeah, I think you're right friend. I really have trouble letting go, and I sometimes daydream about getting back together. Whenever that happens, I remind myself that we're not, but I still have a hard time not thinking about her. That is to say, I think about her like 90% of the time. Hopefully that will get better as the semester and all it's activities start back up.

It's that old keeping busy rule again-and start thinking about something else instead.
It can be done,you know.

Sounds like you are starting to realize, good. It will get clearer.

Waking up takes time. But with will, its easier.

Don't worry if she pops up in your head. That's past stuff. Use that to move on. Not every relationship works out. Use this one for a better one later.

Show yourself how strong you can be & use it.

Hey buddy, haven't been in the site for a long long time... my ex dumped me 13 months ago.. and I can tell you with certainty that I felt EXACTLY what you describe in your post... the pain seems endless, and it all seems so unfair to us. We believe the world has no meaning without this super special person we found and then lost.. we blame ourselves, we try and see what we did wrong...

In your case, your girl is 17, that is v v young (as mature as she is), and a girl that age will eventually want to spread her wings and be free. No point making sense of what went wrong. It's not relevant for any other reason than your own development. Not to worry though, you will get over her sooner or later, you will find someone better suited for you, for now though, best to follow these guys' advice and focus on your healing. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

It's been almost three months for you right? For me it prob took 4-6 months for me to stop thinking about her every 5 minutes and feel that excruciating pain in your heart. Afterwards, you go up and down like a rollercoaster, you notice other girls, and if you are lucky you meet one that will help you recover (not a rebound--thats different). Other days you break down and miss her... maybe even peek at her fb... (BIG NO NO). Anyway, after a few more months you notice that she only creeps into your mind once in a while.. this is when you finally knock her off that pedestal and see things much clearer... the thought she might be with someone else doesn't make you sick anymore... it hurts a bit sure but that's about it, you think about something else and go on about your day.

How to achieve this?? Go no-contact... know that there is no point in you contacting her... nor her you... she wants you back? Well, believe me she will let you know if she really does... you don't want a shaky unsure girl to sortof want you back, you want her to scream it outside your doorstep (of course this prob won't happen) soooo.. u got to focus on yourself and give time, time.

I can tell you now that in my own experience, after a year or so of no contact (except for an email from her back in April and bumping into her best friend last month) I see the light at the end of the tunnel... I am now really liking another girl which is way too similar to my ex in her ways (that's another story :S). The point is, after letting time pass and going NC, there is another person that is in my mind, and room for other things like MYSELF. I still miss her often and wonder how she is doing, but like I said, soon enough the thought subsides and I go on about my day...

Not to say this is exactly what will happen to you, but I'm sure others will agree that this is how it goes.. and if you follow the advice in 6-12-18 months you will be a different (wiser and much happier) person than you are today.

Best of luck.

the pain seems endless, and it all seems so unfair to us. We believe the world has no meaning without this super special person we found and then lost.I know, I feel pretty lonely sometimes. It's like there's less to look forward to now, like life has less meaning now that I'm alone and I've lost her. It seems a little unfair that she likely moved on very quickly, while I might take months to recover (if not more).


In your case, ur girl is 17, that is v v young (as mature as she is), and a girl that age will eventually want to spread her wings and be free. No point making sense of what went wrong.17 is very young, I know. The worst part is, when we started dating, I realized that it was never going to last very long because she's so young. There were probably several reasons for our break-up, but with her age it was never going to last anyway. I kind of wish I hadn't gotten so involved. We did have some great times together though, so I guess I should be thankful for the experience. Maybe I couldn't really have hoped for more.


Not to worry though, you will get over her sooner or later, you will find someone better suited for you, for now though, best to follow these guys' advice and focus on your healing. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Best of luck.The notion that I might feel like this for months is kind of scary, but I'll just have to deal with it and try to follow everyone's advice. Thanks

When are you going back to college? You need to keep your mind occupied and be around people.

You're right, when I'm around other people is pretty much the only time when I'll have moments - however brief they may be - where I don't think about the ex. The semester starts next week. I've also signed up for dance class, and I'm going away this weekend.

That's all good-meanwhile, go out and do things-be as active as you can to take your mind off things.

Hey,
Best not to think about how long this will take because it's not something that will happen overnight. Recovering is a day-to-day thing and it really is up to you how long you want to take to recover and then move on. Everyday will just get slightly better, and the more you occupy yourself with other stuff, the faster time will pass. As hard as it is to see now there are positives in this whole mess. For one, you will learn a ton about relationships and about yourself. You already mentioned that letting her into your group of friends and you be a part of hers would have helped. Well it might have for a while, but still it's important that you realised this. Being in a relationship is not just about shutting yourselves off from the rest of the world, you need to still have your own world and share some of it with her, as does she. Another lesson might be to lookout for someone that is probably on a similar stage in life as you are.

This is a hard hit no question, but getting yourself up and dusting yourself off is how you become stronger and wiser. Until one day, you find your "autumn" (500 days of summer ;)

Hang in there!

Weird thing happened earlier tonight. I was at a club, talking to this girl, getting good rapport. Then I saw my ex (or so I thought). I just froze completely, had to go to the restroom to calm down. I actually went back into the club after we'd left because I saw her through the window, turns out it wasn't my ex after all, and I was glad for it. Felt kind of stupid afterwards.

I'm doing a lot better, feel fine most of the time, but sometimes I get these 'wake up calls' or whatever you want to call them. Guess I still need time.

Another thing happened; a friend of mine had brought a date to the party. He sent me a text at the end of the evening; apparently the girl thought I was hot. Nice little ego boost right there :)

Egoboosts are nice!

As for the club incident-a bump in the road Something,so don't worry about it.

Yup, just a slight bump. I'm glad it wasn't actually her, that would have been embarrassing. I had a few drinks yesterday as well, might have been a few too many... My liver's rejoicing over my new lifestyle.

Ha ha,drink plenty water. .
Both now and next time you go out!

Bet you next time you think its her,or even if it is her,it won't matter to you.

Just have fun. Forget even why you posted here.