I had dated a girl for 3 years and was very much in love with her. We broke up 2-3 months ago and I struggled with the breakup for a long time (dumpee). She gave me zero closure, "I'm confused," "I still see you in my future," "Whatever happens I still love you." Well the first month or two I went through the stages of trying to get her back. It only hurt the healing process. Now 3 months later I feel a lot better, only contacted her once (a month ago). She contacted me on my birthday 2 weeks ago and even had a friend there who's only job was to keep me from sleeping with these 2 girls she knew I had liked.

The only thing left that makes me think about her is MySpace. We are still friends on there (I defriended initially but after a week thought it was childish). Now that is the only way I know what she is doing. I have a hard time not looking at her profile every couple of days, and she is a picture whore. She doesn't have a new boyfriend, but she puts up pictures every weekend and acts very 'sexual' with her guy and girlfriends on her wall and picture comments. I know it's her one way of 'talking' to me and it's driving me crazy. Is it too late to defriend from MySpace. Is this showing her I still care, I am only worried about myself and this has been a major crutch, but after 3 months I haven't showed her any contact or sympathy and feel this could be a step back.

It is not too late to defriend/block her on MySpace.

You are continuing to hurt your healing process and cyber stalking only brings you heartbreak.

Discontinue the connection immediately.

Defriend her on myspace. Block her if you have to. It wasn't childish of you to delete her, it was necessary. Sometimes we don't get closure, and that makes it hard but what makes it easier is hanging out with friends, doing the things you like to do, taking up new hobbies and not looking at her myspace pictures. Hang in there. It will get better.

Defriending her isn't childish. It's called, "helping you heal". You've suffered a heartbreak. So you need to take the necessary steps to heal. If she really cared about you before, she would understand.

Every time you view her page or communicate with her, you're going to reset the progress you've made because you're going to continue to hold false hope. You need to block her out of your life until you've completely recovered from the break up.

Otherwise, you're just going to prolong the pain and suffering.

Finally, you don't need closure from her. Closure comes from within. You decide when to close the book on her.

It should not bother you what she thinks,in this instance you have to look out for number one!

Block her,and make yourself a nice cup of coffee and thank your lucky stars she's out of your life!

She just posted pictures yesterday of a 'new' boy (possibly the first since we broke up) and she also posted a lot of comments with her girlfriends discussing their 'fun' weekend. Does this change anything, should I wait a week or so to defriend so she doesn't think these pictures hurt me?

Also, she has 3 friends she always hangs out with, all of which I am friends with on Myspace. Only one of them would I consider a friend of mine also (although she is her best friend). I feel as though if I defriend her I need to defriend all of them, there pictures still show up and I will still look at their pages. I feel like I already know the answer to this but should I defriend all of them?

How important is Myspace to you? Why don't you stop logging onto your account until you've recovered from the break up. Then you don't have to defriend anybody and you can heal. Win-Win!

If you can't discipline yourself from stopping yourself from logging on, then you're just going to have to delete her and her friends so that you don't accidentally see her pictures and reset your progress. Unless you want to keep suffering, which I don't recommend.

No, don't wait. Just do it now. If she does change, it's not going to be over night. There's no sense in waiting around anyway. Who's to say how long you'll end up waiting and what chances you'll miss out on if you do?

How important is Myspace to you? Why don't you stop logging onto your account until you've recovered from the break up. Then you don't have to defriend anybody and you can heal. Win-Win!

It's not important to me, but it's a crutch I can't shake. I can go a couple of days without checking but I know it's still there and every once in a while I have to check it. I feel as though the power in the relationship took a turn a week or so ago. I have seen a lot of signs recently that she is still really hurting from the break up. I haven't given her any attention and although I feel like this could help me, I feel like showing her it's hurting me helps her. I should care more about myself but deep down it's been easier knowing she is hurting too. Just don't know if defriending now, after these pictures just went up, will show her that I am still weak and hurting.

Delete her as a friend, it's not weak to show weakness. You are going to hurt, no one will think less of you, but defriending her will show all of us, and especially you that you are strong enough to say "ENOUGH" and grab your set and take life into your own hands

This isn't a game man. You do what you need to do to move on regardless of what others may think, especially your ex. It is just pure logic that you shouldn't be looking, nor should you want to look at what your ex is doing. You cannot keep sanity by doing so.

I defriended my ex from FB a long time ago and to be honest I don't see a point of re-friending her. It has nothing to do with being childish. If you can give me ONE logical, and I mean LOGICAL reason to keep her (meaning your ex) as a friend, I am all ears.

I think deleting her shows your strength. That you are strong enough to take charge of the situation and move on with your own life absent of her presence.

I would even consider defriending all those connected to her.

Personal experience, I have an ex from four years ago that I found myself cyber stalking following his wedding. There are not any feelings of reconciliation there, just pure curiosity. It doesn't get better and everyone is susceptible to these feelings, no matter what the situation is. It will not help you in the long run.

It takes more to delete her than it does to continue to check up on her. Deleting her now, will let her know that you do not have an interest in her life and by deleting her friends all at the same time, then it just shows some emotional housekeeping.

I defriended my ex from FB a long time ago and to be honest I don't see a point of re-friending her. It has nothing to do with being childish. If you can give me ONE logical, and I mean LOGICAL reason to keep her (meaning your ex) as a friend, I am all ears.

I've got nothing. Other than the fact that I still am worried about how it affects our future. I am not over her yet. Defriended.

So any advice on what to say to her friend when she asks why I defriended her?

So any advice on what to say to her friend when she asks why I defriended her?

Tell her to mind her own business, or something along those lines. You owe no explanation to anyone, period.

Well you have two options

1. Don't respond, you really don't owe her an explanation

2. "This is my way of healing, if this bothers you I am sorry but I must do this for myself"

Tell her to mind her own business, or something along those lines. You owe no explanation to anyone, period.

This was in response to her friend asking me why she (the friend) was defriended. She will probably be looking for an answer to give the ex but she will come to me asking why me and her (the friend) aren't 'friends' anymore.

Will follow the just need time to heal line and tell her friends on a website do not mean friends in real life.

Other than the fact that I still am worried about how it affects our future.

You do not have a future with her, that is what makes her your ex and the fact that you have this thought in your mind means that this has to be done. You may not be contacting, but you are not healing and you aren't refocused on who is important for you.

This was in response to her friend asking me why she (the friend) was defriended. She will probably be looking for an answer to give the ex but she will come to me asking why me and her (the friend) aren't 'friends' anymore.

Will follow the just need time to heal line and tell her friends on a website do not mean friends in real life.

Unless they get a notification (which I doubt) you are giving them a lot of credit that they will notice.

I don't keep tabs on my social networking 'friends', if they were to defriend me, I doubt I would even be aware.

it should not bother you what she thinks,in this instance you have to look out for number one!

block her,and make yourself a nice cup of coffee and thank your lucky stars she's out of your life!


This hits the nail on the head. Who cares what she thinks. If seeing her on Myspace bothers you then get off Myspace or defriend her. What are you thinking that, "I know it's her one way of 'talking' to me and it's driving me crazy."?! Are you freak'n nuts? So what do these Myspace sexual photos say..? Are you the Myspace Whisperer?

REALITY CHECK

Dude... she dumped you. That spoke volumes in itself and was all you needed to hear. Man up and walk away with your dignity and pride intact. To me it sounds like you're living delusions, disbelief, and jealously.

Sorry bro.

even had a friend there whos only job was to keep me from sleeping with these 2 girls she knew I had liked.

While I think you shouldn't rush into another relationship, this one line speaks volumes in how she thinks about you. If that is her mind-set, you don't want to care what other thoughts she has. She doesn't care about your's unless they are for her.

She doesn't want a relationship with you. She wants someone to play games with. If you got back together with her, I would give it less than a week before she broke up with you again and started the cycle all over. Blaming you the entire time and getting her friend to make sure you didn't go anywhere until she was ready to take you back again.

The MySpace is just another way to play games with you.

Defriend her and her friends who are only part of the team. Delete your links to MySpace so that it makes it harder to check your MySpace page. For that matter get rid of that page and start a new one that has absolutely no memories of her attached to it.

Well this past weekend was the first time she put up a pic of what looked like she was kissing another guy. It hurt... a lot. Still did yesterday, still kind of feel it today.

But yesterday I finally dropped her on myspace along with 3 of her friends and I'm not looking back. I had still known everything she did, every weekend, and basically every week. I knew where she was and what she was doing. It made me feel better to see her just having fun with her friends but not being with a guy. I guess in due time this would happen, and it hurt. So now I am free.

I feel a little weird today but in a few weeks I'm sure this will get easier as we were in a long distance relationship and the chances of me running into her are basically impossible. It's been a long 3 months but I feel as though I have made a lot of progress but this was my crutch. Thank you all for helping me do this, as now I believe I will finally make that final step to move on.

Good job Coffee Pot!

I know that it wasn't easy to defriend her and 3 other people, but it had to be done for yourself. Just to warn you, the pain can get a little worse before it starts getting better. When it starts getting worse, that's when you might get tempted to re-add her. So that's when you have to put some restraint. Come on the boards and talk to us if you have to. But don't give in to the urges.

Just focus on doing your own thing. Stay busy. See your friends, meet new friends. Do a hobby, play a sport, etc.

Just remember, these things take time. I know you've broken up for a few months now, but your healing process only really starts now because you finally decided to let her go. So just be patient with yourself. With time, things will get better and you will be back to your old self!

Congrats, this was a good first - final step to recovering.

I am glad you took that step. I think you will feel better once you get out of the habit of checking her MySpace page. :)

It was like picking at a hurt. It couldn't even begin to heal until you stopped opening it up again.

Well I guess I learned my lesson the hard way because I still can't seem to get these pictures out of my head. At least this happened now rather than 2-3 months from now while still following her life. I should have never refriended her to begin with. I thought it was the strong thing to do to show I didn't care. I have thought about how my actions will affect her for too long in this whole process. It's about time I think about me.

The roller coaster had been riding high for a while, this has been one of the lowest points since the panic of the break up has worn off. Hopefully this bump smooths out quicker than the others.

Coffee I have made more mistakes than I care to remember when it comes to my ex. Shake it off. It does suck to look at but it happened. Weather the storm and I promise it will get better.

Just learn from your mistakes, and do it much faster than I did.

Really feeling the need to call her today. Need advice to step off the ledge. I don't even know what I would say, just feel really hurt and need to get it all off my chest. She was thinking about me and texting me on my birthday and I ignored her messages, so this weekend is the first weekend she posts a blurry pic of her and some one else kissing. I completely believe it was to get back at me because for the most part she has shown some compassion about making me feel bad. Just really hurting today and want to thrash out.

Do you work out or exercise at all? You can also feel free to vent on here. Let it out man! No shame.

Yeah I exercise 3 days a week, today is an off day. Off days are always harder. I should probably start looking into working out all 5 days.

It's just that we have been apart 3 months. When we ended she gave me all the crap of being confused and not sure where we are going. It took me a while to realize she was just not into me anymore and she was taking the easy way out. A month into the breakup I thought she was dating someone already and it really hurt. I had a close friend of both of us (much more my friend) snoop around and found out that this guy she looked like she was dating was actually a new gay friend of hers. She told him she hadn't hooked up with anyone since me and that's not why she broke up with me.

So fast forward to a month later (late September) and I have been following her pretty religiously on myspace and I know most/all of her friends. It's still been two months and she hasn't had one hookup. So there she is hanging all over her ex boyfriend who seems taken back by the whole thing. He had told her 2 years ago (1 year and 1/2 into our relationship) that he still loved her. She had strung him along for 3 years until she met me. So now she is hanging all over him and he looks a little distraught and the last picture is her completely wasted passed out in his bed with a trash can. So now I realize she is getting depserate and throwing herself at her ex.

So fast forward to a week ago. We have a small college get together and it also happens to fall on my birthday. She is supposed to go but ends up having to work the next day and can't. All of our old college friends are there including a girl that has always liked me and the ex basically hated (even though they were friends. Also, the exes best friend. The exes best friend is texting the ex the entire night about what is going on who I am with, who I am talking to and basically it's her job to keep me from sleeping with this girl. The ex sends a text saying 'she really wishes she could have been there, and sorry she couldn't make it.' I ignore and low and behold two days later I hear the ex is extremely pissed at this other girl (the man stealer). So now it's a week after and the ex decides to go out with her friends and she is all over another kid that she had slept with before me. There's one pic of them which looks like they are kissing and a whole bunch of comments from her and her friends about handjobs/sex/you name it.

So fast forward to today. I have finally decided to drop her from myspace. But as I said before, my ex is still doing things to get at me. It just hurts that she would post all this stuff knowing I will read it. Just because she was hurt that I didn't return her call, even though I never even kissed this other girl.

So that's my vent. Phew. Rip me apart askmehelpdesk. It helps.

That actually made me feel a whole lot better and now that I have gone back and read what I just wrote, I kind of feel pathetic. I am taking everything she says and does as a sign to me. Maybe some of it is, maybe all of it is, maybe none of it is. But this one hurt and I need to just get off myspace and live my life.

You are giving way too much credit to her and aren't taking enough responsibility for yourself. These social networking sites are absolute drama that YOU have control over. I am glad you feel better by venting, but quit giving her control over your emotions. Man up CP, and let's get our head back into the game!

Dropped her, dropped her friends, dropped her family. There is literally no one that she 'regularly' talks to that I am friends with.

I have known what she was doing ever single freaking weekend. The weekends that she was doing nothing were good weekends. The weekends where she was going out were bad weekends. Time to make every weekend a good weekend.

Now to just get this past weekend out of my mind.

Sorry if this is babbling but I feel like I have exhausted my friends ears for the past 3 months and you guys aren't sick of me yet...

Well today is better than yesterday and is better than the day before, but I feel like I am back to square one all over again. I was using MySpace as a way to communicate with her, even though we weren't talking. Now that it is gone it really feels like we have broken up all over again. No idea why but the pain is back and to ease the pain I would use her profile to feel like she is still there.

Well her profile is gone now and I am just starting to realize how bad MySpace was to my healing process. This whole time I felt like I was healing but I hadn't fully given her up. It's like I had a picture of her in my pocket that I could open up and look at every time I was down.

These past couple of days have been rough but from here on out hopefully every day is easier and there aren't as many major setbacks in the future. It sure isn't easy just giving up on a person you really really loved.

Don't consider it giving up, that has a negative connotation. I never considered myself "giving up" after my ex broke up with me. It is just something in life that happens. More than giving up, it is accepting things have changed.

I remember when I changed my phone number so my ex had zero chance of contacting me. It hit me like a ton of bricks, as I knew it was the real deal now, like no turning back.

I remember when I changed my phone number so my ex had zero chance of contacting me. It hit me like a ton of bricks, as I knew it was the real deal now, like no turning back.

This is exactly how I feel. She has contacted me 3 times since the breakup and other than a happy birthday text they were all over MySpace. She has her MySpace blocked from the world so even if I wanted to find her and 'refriend' I can't (which is a good thing). But this just feels like exactly how you described it, the real deal. Thankfully I am going on vacation tomorrow. Hopefully when I come back I will feel a hell of a lot better.

So after getting back from vacation there is of course a small amount of drama and I don't want to deal with it. I need the advice of the professionals here.

Basically our mutual friend (her best friend) contacted me and wondered why I had defriended her. I told her jokingly not to worry about it just a phase. She started questioning me on all these things. Do I still love her? Do I hate her? Am I really hurting. So basically I told her not too worry about it I am fine.

So the ex sends me a message a couple of hours later. Asking why I defriended her again. And then goes on to say she wanted to know about my trip and how my family is doing.

So I see two solutions here.
1. Ignore. Probably get pestered again, probably by the friend and then the ex again and then tell her to stop contacting me.
2. Explain to her how I am feeling and that I basically need to remove her from everything that I am in contact with and to not contact me again until I contact her (basically months from now).

If I go 1 I think I will just receive more messages. If I go 2 I don't really know how to explain other than telling her I still care about her (does that even matter if she knows).

The only other solution is just telling her to not contact me but that would just lead to confusion because she has only contacted me once in the past month or 2.

What should I do?

Here's a third option. Explain that you are moving on with your life and see no reason to keep them as friends on MySpace since you are no longer in contact with the ex. That from this point on you will not be responding to any communications from or for the ex. Simple statement of facts, no weaknesses involved.

Here's a third option. Explain that you are moving on with your life and see no reason to keep them as friends on MySpace since you are no longer in contact with the ex. That from this point on you will not be responding to any communications from or for the ex. Simple statement of facts, no weaknesses involved.

Done. Went with what you said instead of my sappy love story that would have gotten me no where (while boasting her ego). Thanks Cat.

Just a different view point. :)

Already a response.

"I am sorry I haven't stayed in contact with you. I have been thinking of you and just wanted to know how you were doing. I guess I was afraid to just give you a call. I don't know why. I don't want this to happen though.... "

So just go into NC now and ignore? She obviously doesn't respect my decision or feelings.

Ignore it. You've given her all the response that is needed already.

You know you're stronger than you thought you were. Keep up the good work.

I just came across your story coffee. I am very proud of you for listening to these experts. They really know what they are talking about. You did the right thing in deleting her from my space. Never check up on an ex when you are trying to move on with your life. Some ex loves getting back at you and starts whoring their new relationship on social networks just to make you extra pissy and jealous, even though they are the one whop dumped you but cannot leave you alone.
I just gave my ex the warning to stop harassing me or I will go to HR. he has agreed to stop. Let's see if he keeps his words.
In the meantime, keep your head up. You are doing a great job! Don't let her get to you! The more you pay attention, the more you feed her ego. Stay strong and move on! No contact in any shape or form!

in the meantime, keep your head up. you are doing a great job! dont let her get to you! the more you pay attention, the more you feed her ego. stay strong and move on! no contact in any shape or form!
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I received one more message after her last a couple hours after I ignored it along the lines of 'we have been friends for so long I don't want you completely gone from my life.' I am pretty sure that's what it said I read it and quickly deleted it. Since then she has left me alone.

It feels great to finally have cut that last tie of contact. The roller coaster ride was starting to get to me and it seemed like the only times I hit a hard drop was when I read/saw something on her profile. Now that I have deleted her I feel surprisingly free. This is the first time that I finally feel completely separated from her and emotionally I feel better than I have in the past 3 months.

There are times where I want to tell her how I feel still or I catch myself almost feeling bad for her (no f'in idea why) but it's much easier to pivot off these feelings now. Before I would almost feel anxiety when these feelings came up to check her profile (work at a computer all day, very easy to type in Facebook). Well those feelings are gone and the road seems much easier to travel down now. Thanks again to everyone for the excellent advice and words of encouragement.

Feels much better when you're in the drivers seat doesn't it?

The roller coaster ride continues. Defriending her was the greatest thing I could have possibly done to get my head on straight. The fact that we were in a long distance relationship and now the defriending there is almost literally no way for information on her to get back to me. It's almost like she doesn't exist. The past 2 weeks have been very fulfilling and much easier not seeing/knowing what she is doing every day/weekend.

Yet this week has been a bit harder. Probably the fact that I haven't slept much recently and work is very slow but she seems to be on my mind a lot. Just the ups and downs of a breakup. I'm sure something will come up soon and I'll forget about her for a couple of weeks. This roller coaster ride of emotions is the hardest part of the breakup. I just never seem to know what days will be great and what days will have her itching at the back of my brain.

The fact that I haven't really found someone else yet to take my mind of her is probably some of the reason too. I don't want to jump into another relationship but could use some time with someone else to take my mind off her.

How long did some of you wait until you started the process of actually looking to date find someone else? I of course am in that phase now but don't feel like I am quite ready yet for another relationship at this point in time.

The fact that I haven't really found someone else yet to take my mind of her is probably some of the reason too. I don't want to jump into another relationship but could use some time with someone else to take my mind off her.

That is the easy way out and it leads to a rebound. Utilize your friends, family and this website for emotional support, don't use a female as a rebound to make yourself feel better. You're better than that and it isn't worth hurting others. Women are attracted to guys who have a good sense of self and are confident with or without someone by their side.



How long did some of you wait until you started the process of actually looking to date find someone else? I of course am in that phase now but don't feel like I am quite ready yet for another relationship at this point in time.

I waited for about 6 months before considering a date. I flirted with a lot of girls, but I never carried it farther than that. I knew I wanted nothing to do with a relationship. It is different for everyone, but don't start dating until you get the feeling of loneliness out of you. You can be alone without feeling lonely, two different things. (Side-note, I had just come out of a nearly 5 year relationship)

Just take your time, fill your life up with fun and challenging events and go from there. Leave the dating stuff for a later time.

It's early days yet,so long as you've not healed completely any relationship you become involved in will be a rebound which is not right for you, nor is it fair on the other person.
I think many of us just know when we are ready and as long as we have to ask the question-are we ready-we're not.
As you re still on the roller-coaster you need to give yourself more time to heal.

I waited for about 6 months before considering a date. I flirted with a lot of girls, but I never carried it farther than that. I knew I wanted nothing to do with a relationship. It is different for everyone, but don't start dating until you get the feeling of loneliness out of you. You can be alone without feeling lonely, two different things. (Side-note, I had just come out of a nearly 5 year relationship)

Just take your time, fill your life up with fun and challenging events and go from there. Leave the dating stuff for a later time.
Yeah I am pretty much in this exact phase now. Meeting new people, flirting, realizing I still have game, but not really taking it to the next level. The feeling of loneliness is still sometimes there and it just felt like it was tied more to the fact that I am now single, not that I am getting over a relationship. At 24, most of my friends are 24/25 and a lot of them are in the I have been single for a while and I am lonely/looking for a life mate phase. Just feels like I am in that phase but it probably has a lot more to do with the fact that I am still getting over a tough break up, not that I am now single and lonely. (small fact, haven't been single since I was 17. I have been in two different long term relationships. I broke off the first one and jumped into the second one. Never really had single time to myself so this whole experience is a bit new to me)

You and I both just forgot how to be single. There's nothing wrong with that. You just relearn how to enjoy certain things. It is like being in a relationship. Let's not act like those are all joy and happiness to begin with, because they have their drawbacks as well. So, for now. You adjust to this new change in your life and adapt to being happy in a different way. It isn't abnormal, it is just hard at first. Give yourself some more time. We get used to things for so long that when those things aren't around, we immediately freak out and want back into our comfort zone.

I appreciate the advice kctiger. It's these small setbacks of loneliness that bring the breakup back to the forefront of my mind and it's tough to look at my situation clearly and even harder to think that someday these feelings will in fact be completely gone.

It's the two steps forward one step back that hit you. One day life is grand and the next the emotions come whirling back. It's good to hear from those who went through this and were in similar situations themselves.

I am not going to sit here an tell you that I don't still trip up a bit. There are days I still miss her a bit, and we broke up over a year ago :eek:... no worries though my man! Keep on keepin' on.

Of course these things always seem to happen. The day I start posting again, and the day the roller coaster hits a small downswing, I a receive a text from the ex...

'Just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well'

Ummm, please leave me alone. Ignored.

Delete and move on, no sweat man!

Well done :)

Doesn't make sense to me why the 'breaker' is the one who makes the decision to end it, yet puts up a fight when you want them to leave you alone.

Dear X
I don't care if we were friends before, I don't care if you don't want me out of your life completely. We shared a large portion of our life together and now that it is over I don't want anything to do with you. Is it really that hard to understand. We can never be friends, we can never go back to before we dated. Move on and leave me alone.
-CP

Very succinct and powerful - you are setting the rules now - your rules. Excellently worded :)

Dear X
I don't care if we were friends before, I don't care if you don't want me out of your life completely. We shared a large portion of our life together and now that it is over I don't want anything to do with you. Is it really that hard to understand. We can never be friends, we can never go back to before we dated. Move on and leave me alone.
-CP

Please tell me you didn't send this?!

Dead silence is a much stronger message than an emotional outburst. A message like that just tells her you're still broken hearted and pining over her.

Please tell me you didn't send this?!?

Dead silence is a much stronger message than an emotional outburst. A message like that just tells her you're still broken hearted and pining over her.
Haha, did not send. Today I've been itching to break NC but I know it's not in my best interest. I am ignoring and hopefully she will get the hint and leave me alone. I'm guessing she won't give up that easily but a couple more ignores and she will.

Coffee Pot - 1
Ex - 0

Win.

Can't get these Led Zeppelin lyrics out of my head and feel the need to text them in reply to her last message. This would most definitely be catastrophic, so instead I'll post them for all of you to read. Enjoy.

"One of these days and it won't be long
You'll look for me but baby, I'll be gone"

Good thinking-post here-don't text the ex!

Got a message from the X's best friend (mutual good friend).

Asking who this new girl in my profile photo is, and if I was coming to her party in a couple of weeks. She makes a note to say the X won't be there.

Two things. I still like this girl and am not going to ignore her because I still consider her a friend. I can't make the party because of a previous engagement. I plan on just writing. Sorry I can't make it I have to do this and this instead. Blah blah blah. But the second thing is, I don't hate my X and I'm not going to avoid a party/bar/place of enjoyment just because she is there. Should I even mention this to her. I feel like since I am doing this whole ignore thing she thinks I am bitter and hate her.

So do I ignore the fact that she brought up my X and continue to do what I am doing, or make a small note that I don't hate the X and she is not the reason I would go/not go?

Just tell her you can't make it which is true-no need to mention the ex.

So do I ignore the fact that she brought up my X and continue to do what I am doing,

I would do this.

Haha you guys are harsh, but I am already learning fast. I had actually already replied to her last night with a comment just saying sorry I couldn't make it and I already have plans. I was feeling a little guilty, no idea why, that she made a comment that the X won't be there. This to me means the X and her friends think I hate her. It ate at me a little bit but I decided to ignore it. Just figured I would come in here and see if my decision was the way to go.

It did feel like she was actually baiting me. Almost like it was a message from the X and the friend, trying to get any info, any tidbit of knowledge showing my thoughts towards the X.

It's been a good week, and a great month since I signed on here and started listening to the advice of the 'pros.' I've had setbacks here and there, and I still miss her even today. But it is nothing like I felt a month or 2 ago. In due time she'll be a thing of the past and I can reconcile then if I even want to.

You re doing well CP-dont worry about the tidbit hunters-just ignore that.

Good job recognizing the trap and staying out of it.

Message via MySpace last night.

'Will you please talk to me'

These are getting harder and harder to ignore. I already know what I need to do but I want her to leave me alone. I am itching to reply with something along the lines of 'about?' I realize this is not the way to go but for a while there has been some things I wanted to say to her. I won't give in though.

Unless she shows up, in person, to wherever you are, I would continue to ignore. If she wants it bad enough, she will find you in person, not through a random and informal social networking site.

Unless she shows up, in person, to wherever you are, I would continue to ignore. If she wants it bad enough, she will find you in person, not through a random and informal social networking site.

I think this the main reason I haven't replied.

Hierarchy of talking to someone you care about:
Face to Face
Phone
Letter
Email
Text
Message through friend
Carrier Pigeon
.
.
.
Myspace

Maybe once she even attempts one in the top 3-4 I will contemplate responding.

You doing really well!

And as you said yourself the last few weeks have been tough but you feel better... her issues and her problems are all HERS!

You are looking out for someone who will get you through... that person is YOU..

She made her bed,let her lie in it now...

Not your problem.

Can you block her from myspace,instead of de-friend?

If you can you won't have to read any messages... she is not thinking about your need now only her own... if she did care and was your 'friend' she would leave you alone.

Or have the decency to speak to you face to face.

Message via MySpace last night.

'Will you please talk to me'

These are getting harder and harder to ignore. I already know what I need to do but I want her to leave me alone.

Listen CP this is the position you choose to take. That position inherently has you in her crossfire so to speak.

You wanted to remain friends on Myspace. And let's be honest here CP... it was only so you could harbor some hope with her. The Myspace thing allows you to observe her online (cyber stalking) and it also gives you/her another channel of communication. Just hanging on…

So you see these dwindling pains are your choice to endure. Yeah… it does suck. I’ve done myself, think we all have at one point or another. Letting go of every bit of hope is the hardest thing to do but you never truly move on until you do.

Listen CP this is the position you choose to take. That position inherently has you in her crossfire so to speak.

You wanted to remain friends on Myspace. And let's be honest here CP... it was only so you could harbor some hope with her. The Myspace thing allows you to observe her online (cyber stalking) and it also gives you/her another channel of communication. Just hanging on…

So you see these dwindling pains are your choice to endure. Yeah… it does suck. I’ve done myself, think we all have at one point or another. Letting go of every bit of hope is the hardest thing to do but you never truly move on until you do.

I removed her from myspace, but she can still message me. I am at the point where I have let go of every bit of hope. My head and heart battled for a while. Let go and heal, or hope and be hurt. I finally decided to follow my head with the help of most people on here. Does my heart still fight back every once in a while? Yes, but in my head there is no more Coffee Pot and Ex Miss Coffee Pot.

She is still friends with her other long term boyfriend from high school. He stuck around and let her play with his emotions. She still had sexual relations with him up until we started dating. That all stopped but a year into our relationship (3 years after they broke up) he called her and told her he loved her. She has done this before and doesn't even realize what she is doing. Now they are back as friends, no idea if he still has feelings for her. But if I am calling her up 3 years from now to tell her I still love her than I have some serious problems. Not going to happen.

I've set up this conversation in my mind and wanted to tell her for a while. How exes can't be friends, knowing she will bring up her and her high school ex that are still friends. I want to show her what she did to him, and what she is trying to do to me.

So imabadman, not sure what your advice is in this situation. If your just saying I made my own bed too (by not getting over her at first waiting this long to defriend) than I understand but where to go next.

CP, if you want to get it off your chest, write it down on piece of paper. So you aren't tempted to send it, put in the grill/fireplace and burn it or through a paper shredder. There is also writing it here if you want someone else to read it.

I know you want to tell her how you feel and 'make her see' what she has and is doing to others, but I don't think you would be able to get through to her until the other guy and possibly a few others say the same thing.

It may not seem like it, but your silence is probably the most effective way to get through to her as things stand right now.

We all write those letters in our head. Its OK.
Ive even written them down, then trashed them. Along with lots of other notes good & bad.

The point is that they only really matter to ourselves to help heal.

Our exs don't care or deserve any further thoughts or realizations from us. She lost that right a long time ago.

Total NC forever is the only way. Let her live her own life.

And you can live yours.

Well it's been 38 days since I last contacted her and about 4+ months since our breakup.

The past couple of days have been great. The roller coaster still took it's dips but the low points were almost higher than the high points of just a couple of months ago. I even woke up this morning feeling great like I had actually finally hit a new point and it was the best I had felt in a while.

Then for some reason work has been extremely slow. So I started to think about her, and I started reading stuff on this site. And my head started spinning again. I realize it's just a setback but I miss her a lot today. I have a strong urge to contact her. 2 reasons I won't, 1. she contacted me through MySpace which is just cowardly & 2. it's been over a week since she contacted me so any contact would be initiated by me at this point not a reply to her. (At the very least these are the reasons I won't contact her)

I have a feeling next time she tries to contact me I might be closer to giving in depending on the circumstances. For some reason I have false hope today and keep thinking she'll come crying back. I am at a point where I don't even want her back, just want that feeling of 'it's my decision now.'

Right when I feel on top of the world a drop hits again. I will continue NC, my goal is to hit 90 days before I even contemplate contacting or replying. It's going to be tough but I have seen the benefits already and won't give in.

I just wonder what she's thinking. What her feelings are towards me at this point. But then I realize none of that matters. All that matters is how I am feeling and how I am doing. I am doing better then ever and this is just a small setback that will pass. Just let it go.

/rant

Rants are allowed! As are highs and lows-but I think you realise that you've turned the corner now.
I bet by the time day ninety rolls around you will have lost count.
And you'll keep on feeling great when you wake up every morning.
Take care Coffee Pot.

CP, what you are going through is normal.

As amicon said, rants are allowed. Better you rant to us and get advice on what comes out than you rant to her or a bottle.

Don't kick yourself for the down moments. Instead, take that positive outlook up again and do something that makes you feel good.

I think you will make 90 days if just keep doing what you are doing. :)

Feel free to rant any time you want! Anything to help you keep up your progress.

I just reviewed all your posts again and I notice your gradual improvement from one post to another.

You've been a inspiration. Keep it up!

I really appreciate all the advice, strong words of encouragement, and the slap in the face I need when things are looking a little hazy.

Well today has been a whole lot better. I've seen tons of improvement over the past few weeks and exponential improvement since NC was implemented.

I actually have a friend who on Wednesday had his heart crushed in a pretty similar fashion to mine. It has been helpful lending a hand to him and helping him through this. He even said "I wish I could fast forward time and get to where you are today." That's when it hit me that this whole process takes time, has many bumps in the road, but every day is better. I still sometimes wish I could fast forward 6 months to a year from now to be at a point where I have zero feelings towards her, but then I think of all the time I would lose from now until then.

She has no control over me anymore and life goes by too fast to just waste it over a girl.

It's been an inspiration following your thread and your progress! And your friend is lucky to have you around for support.
I hope you stick around here and help others by sharing your knowledge and experience! :-)

I agree. Helping others is a great way to continue to help yourself. :)

I, too, hope you stick around. :)

Hey Coffeepot- I'm glad to see you're doing better. My ex-fiance dumped me a little over 3 1/2 months ago so were in a similar spot. Even the whole myspace thing sounds like what I was going through.

I'm glad you haven't given in and responded to her at all. I did a week ago and regret it because our ex'es our doing it only for themselves and for their own ego.

In time you may be 100% over her- that's the only time that its OK to talk to the ex if you still wanted to be friends with her. I decided to never talk to mine again- really what's the point?

Good luck to you man.

It's been an inspiration following your thread and your progress! And your friend is lucky to have you around for support.
I hope you stick around here and help others by sharing your knowledge and experience! :-)
And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

Can't speak for everyone, but I know I have been there too. We are just glad to see you flourishing and helping others out. Our problems are sometimes trivial in the bigger picture. Kudos to you, and I wish you continued luck and success.

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

The # 1 thing I realized is once you accept the relationship is over you can move on. All those questions you had going on in your head is totally normal. Once the dumpee accepts it is over and accepts the ex has moved on (with a new man) we can move on.

Like all the experts say on here- it's the thread of hope that keeps us from healing.:cool:

Was doing better...

Had a dream about her, texted her to tell her that my sister had her first child. She replied within a minute with the obvious 'congrats I'm so happy for you.'

No idea why I did it, just couldn't stop myself and felt like she would want to know (even though she didn't deserve to know). I feel like I took a big step in the wrong direction. Back to NC, day 1.

Hey, uncle Coffee Pot, see it as a minor lapse and a very human one at that. Don't feel bad-you're back on track!

Why do you want to torture yourself on a regular basis by looking at the pictures and getting all those jealous feelings? I'd definitely remove her as a friend on My Space and move on.

Hey, uncle Coffee Pot, see it as a minor lapse and a very human one at that. Don't feel bad-you're back on track!
Haha thanks amicon. Had some minor freaking out because for about 1/2 an hour I felt like I did a couple of weeks ago. It's no problem now, it's behind me. I didn't respond to her message to continue a pointless conversation longer than I had to. I am just upset with myself that I am now giving her mixed signals saying I would not respond and then of course I did contact her. Was just an important milestone in my life and I felt like she should know. She doesn't deserve to know, and she's no longer a part of my life. Stupid mistake, it's behind me.

Uncle CP.

This is completely off topic but completely on topic at the same time. Would love some insight particularly from the female mind.

This girl had always liked me throughout college (to the point where she was close to obsessed). I had a girlfriend and turned her down multiple times. Once I broke up with my girlfriend I had thought to contact her but found out she was now in a relationship and actually engaged. I immediately knew to stay away and let her live her life.

Now, I found out her engagement suddenly broke off. I haven't spoke to her in almost 2 years but feel the urge to contact. How long should I wait? I don't have a lot of the details of the broken up engagement (if it was her idea or not). But having just been through a break up I know my mind is very hazy shortly after. I don't want to contact her too close to the breakup and mess anything up. Thoughts?

How about when you don't even need to ask that question,if you see what I mean? When you've lost track of the number of days you've been NC? I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. With me it's just the feeling one day that-yes, I'm ready to date again. And I mean date. Does that make sense?

How about when you don't even need to ask that question,if you see what I mean? When you've lost track of the number of days you've been NC? I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. With me it's just the feeling one day that-yes, I'm ready to date again. And I mean date. Does that make sense?

I don't even need to ask myself that question anymore. I'm actually at the point where I believe I am ready to contact girls and at least attempt to date right now. I am not looking for anything long term (wouldn't turn something down if it did fit me though, I do enjoy the single life) but my question was more for how long should I wait after her broken engagement. My buddies have known that we had history and are pushing me to contact her right now. I just feel like I should give her time for her own grieving and such before attempting to insert myself back into her life.

Sorry, I get it-but I can only say that people are different, and she was engaged so she might take longer to bounce back. What you want to avoid is a rebound,if you're sure you're ready to date again, date but maybe date more than one person.

Just keep your mind moving forward, not backwards.
Fish in new ponds.

The train just keeps on chugging.

Some small setbacks this weekend. Spent the weekend with the family and my new nephew. Led to my mind wandering a bit and for the first time in a while had a lot of dreams about her. Didn't help that she contacted my friends, who talk to me anytime she comes around. Basically she was hoping to go to a (once mutual) friends party that she knew I would definitely be attending. These friends told her they would rather her not be there and she told them 'I still care about you guys.' I started to actually have feelings of pity for her. Feelings of pity led to feelings of missing her. Feelings of missing her led to dreams and strange emotions.

I pushed through it but she seems to be on my mind today. Just a minor setback. Last week was probably the best week I have had since the breakup. One day I had realized I had gone about 8-10 hours without even thinking of her. Which seems like an eternity when you still think about someone every day.

For those following and in similar situations or who might be a couple phases behind me. The mind will still wander from time to time. It's how you accept these emotions and push through them. I still think about us back together (even though I know it would never work) I still hope she misses me. Every day does get easier and every day does get better. Just keep moving forward.

/useless rambling

Uncle CP

Also, I know many people have said they hope I can help others around this area. I read other peoples stories and I know what they should/shouldn't be doing but when hearing about guys/girls breaking up that I don't know and can't put a face too I almost picture myself and the ex in the situation. Really strange and sometimes leads to setbacks. Because of this I am trying to stay out of this forum while I am still in the healing phase. As things become easier for me I will be sure to get back in here and help others through this.

Without you guys I would still be months and stages behind in my healing process. I hope to soon help others as you guys have helped me.

Hello uncle Coffee Pot-I hope the latest addition to your family is thriving! Set backs happen but soon ALL your weeks will be good weeks. Just be patient with yourself.
Come back and help out when you feel ready for it.
Till then take good care of yourself.

Coffee pot you are not alone... im going through the same thing now with myspace, etc...

The weird thing is that I am not on the verge to call or text her, I always want to see what she is doing...

I already know what she is doing and who she is doing it with, so why make myself sad about it?

I am glad to see this thread, its helping me a lot!

Any contact isn't going to help you it will only help her, stay away from her, far away, it hurts, it was love when it was, but its over, your story has been great but keep moving on, date as many girls as u want, learn from your mistakes and love yourself enough to let her go.

So the ex, and the ex's best friends keep attempting to add me as a friend. I just keep ignoring the ex's requests but every time I talk to the mutual friend (ex's bff) she makes some comment like 'add me!' I usually just ignore that or make some funny joke about it and I never, not even once, have even mentioned the ex's name when jokingly saying no.

But it hasn't stopped, so now I feel like I should say something more.

My proposed message summary in bullet points(to the ex best friends not ex):
-Life is better without the ex
-I don't hate the ex, I just don't want her in my life
-Being friends with you on Facebook opens the door to her life and I have no interest in that
-Tell the ex to please leave me alone
-I will add you as a friend in the near future but for now I like life without Facebook drama

Should I send this message? Please don't advise to tell the friend (sorry, again) she is pushy and for some reason 'really wants my friendship.'

Deep down, I know what advice I am probably going to hear, but usually I need to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. So ladies and gentleman, give me the nay.

Nay,double nay and I think you know the reasons?

-I will add you as a friend in the near future but for now I like life without facebook drama

It sounds like you already have Facebook drama (sounds like a TLC channel program :) ).

If you feel you have to say something, how about: I value our friendship, however, I don't feel that being friends on Facebook would be appropriate for right now. Please do not send another request. I will send one to you when I think it won't be seen as encouraging more drama.

I wouldn't ask the friend to tell the ex anything. That puts her more in the middle and would end up causing more drama.

If you really value this person as a friend I think Cat's answer is pretty good. However, if you don't care either way just continue to blow it off as you have been.

Or just screw it & stop wasting your time.
& stop letting her & her friends manipulate you.

Disappear.

Or just screw it & stop wasting your time.
& stop letting her & her friends manipulate you.

Disappear.

Well I do value this one girls friendship. I have known her just as long as the ex and we have always been close. I don't think I am letting her, or her friends manipulate me in the slightest. I just get these sh*t tests every once in a while and sometimes need the help of you guys to tell me how to handle it.

All points taken, thank you all.

One way of passing those tests is to get off Facebook, at least until you are over this.

The more drama you can remove, the faster you can heal from this.

Hang with your good friends & people that care about solely about you, not her.

It sounds like you already have Facebook drama (sounds like a TLC channel program :) ).

If you feel you have to say something, how about: I value our friendship, however, I don't feel that being friends on Facebook would be appropriate for right now. Please do not send another request. I will send one to you when I think it won't be seen as encouraging more drama.

I wouldn't ask the friend to tell the ex anything. That puts her more in the middle and would end up causing more drama.
Coffee Pot's Facebook Drama is brought to you by Folgers - The Best Part of Waking Up is Folgers in your cup. Wednesdays at 9PM on TLC.

So I basically told the friend everything you said Cat and she seemed slightly/jokingly upset but I think crisis averted for now. The ex will come a knocking again soon enough.

So it's been over 5 months and the ex has only tried to contact me through MySpace and Facebook, with one text in between. At least try if you actually want to contact me...

5 months and counting, each day is easier and easier.

I'm glad its getting easier-soon it will be just a memory.

Good.

Glad you have a sense of humor.

NC will bring more of that.

Just wanted to check back in and update the people in here who have helped me so much in this journey.

It's been like 2 months (amazing I don't even know how long) since I finally dropped her from everything. Other than a text to tell her I was an uncle and a couple of friend requests from her (all ignored) there hasn't been any other contact of any sort. Things have been great. I'm not even sure if I still think about her every day, I probably do but barely here and there.

There is actually a couple of other girls I am pursuing and they are really the only thing on my mind at this point. It's definitely good advice to not just jump in bed immediately after a breakup. You need the time to heal, and I can tell that I am ready to date again.

I appreciate all the help I have gotten from everyone in this forum, it's a testament to this community that so many people jump in here and reply so fast to my thoughts/confusion/questions. I would have made a whole lot of mistakes without you all, so thank you.

One final question here since for some reason today I was thinking about her. Her dog passed away. I heard from one of my friends and decided not to say anything. Then one of her friends brought it up to me and I said 'that's terrible, give her my condolences.' I haven't heard back from her and just felt like I should say something. I was close to this dog and I am sure it's hurting her. I should probably leave be but I feel like this is one of those instances where it can't hurt to just reach out say my thing and move on. Thoughts?

Great that you are doing so well! As for your question, you've already passed on your condolences so I'd say leave it at that. Sad though, poor doggie.
Happy dating and A Happy 2010!

Umm... so... yeah. Didn't listen to your advice. Texted her that I was sorry about her dog and it somehow turned into the closest thing we have had to a conversation since September.

Cliff Notes of Convo
CP-Sorry about your dog
EX-Thanks...
CP-?
EX-Surprised to hear from you, miss u, hope you are well.
CP-Yeah just felt bad about your dog, she must of missed me too. Hope u had a good holiday
EX-Thanks hope you and your family are doing well, especially your new nephew.
CP-Thanks, he came home last night. Cutest baby I've ever seen.
EX-I wish I could see him. So exciting for you. I really do miss u, your fam and the guys.
CP-Yeah part of the process though. Easier and better if we don't stay in touch or see each other.
EX-Kinda sucks... u were such a big part of my life, I can't never talk to you. I still care about you and think about you everyday.
CP-As were you a big part of my life. But I'm not going to risk the chance feelings return if I see you again. Not worth it to me.
EX-Not worth it? Why? What if it is mutual?
CP-I don't know, I never want to feel like I did a couple of months ago.
EX-I understand... I'm sorry just have missed you.

And I started feeling weird so I cut off contact after that. No idea what to do from here. I do still have feelings for her but I'm not sure that's a road I even want to think about going back down.

Hmm.. . So how are you feeling now? As if you took a walk in the wrong direction or can you handle it?

She's on my mind today but I'm not really sure how I feel. I reached a point where I know all the reasons she wasn't right for me (drilled them into my own head for 5 months) but at the same time I do know I still have feelings for her.

Just came as kind of a surprise. I knew she has missed me but it seems like she still has feelings. I'm not going to go towards her, she hasn't attempted to contact me (maybe out of fear who knows) other than trying to friend request me. This whole thing was just kind of a curveball.

Also, as one person previously called me the MySpace whisperer (which I thought was hilarious) it seems once I dropped her on Myspace and Facebook a friend last night told me her whole attitude changed. She stopped posting, stopped taking pictures, stopped really partying. Maybe I was the MySpace whisperer. Ha.

Good. Curveballs happen.
Enjoy next year.

You have so much time, and freedom to do your thing now, so do it!

The coffee is brewing...

So we talked again last weekend while I was at a wedding for my cousin. She was supposed to go (back in August) so we had a small text conversation basically both saying wish she was there. It then moved off to the fact that she was at the movies with her sister and I kind of stopped it there.

So now she is on my mind a lot. It's not like before where I am sad and hurt from the breakup. I feel like I am truly over the breakup but I still have feelings for her. I'm not sure how to go forward with this whole situation. I talked to her friend the other day who said she had told her she missed me too (which she thought was selfish of her) and was asking me pretty serious questions like 'do I still miss her' 'would I take her back.'

Basically this whole thing feels surreal because just 2 months ago this would have been a dream come true but now the whole thing feels tainted. I feel like I still love her, and I definitely miss her but I don't want to go back down that road again if it is just going to lead to me being hurt.

My thoughts are to just kind of sit back and see if she comes to me. If she wants it enough I would think she would seek me out and try and rekindle the flame, but with women sometimes it seems like they sit back and wait for the man to make the move. But this feels like a different situation.

So help desk, you've been there for me every step of the way. Do I sit back and wait, stay the f away, or take some steps towards her (if that's how I truly feel).

Stay away, but don't sit back or wait.

Do your own thing w/o her.

And go NC

So help desk, you've been there for me every step of the way. Do I sit back and wait, stay the f away, or take some steps towards her (if that's how I truly feel).

If I were you I would get busy enjoying life, and anything(anyone) in life that wants a piece of me, well... it(they) know how to find me. Other than that, put effort into having fun, no matter what.

Ever see the movie Saving Silverman? I think someone needs to do that to you. Whenever you mention you ex's name, you get zapped. Maybe you will learn then

Yeah, like a dog collar...

Trust me, this isn't holding me back from having fun, seeking out other love interests, and enjoying life. This isn't a Coffee Pot sits at home and waits for his cell phone to ring hoping the ex.

If she attempts at giving it another shot, just because she is an ex I should keep that door shut?

Don't just keep it shut,nail it closed!

Don't just keep it shut,nail it closed!
And if I ignore this advice, what do you believe is the likely outcome? ;)

And if I ignore this advice, what do you believe is the likely outcome? ;)

You are a walking contradiction. You sit here claiming you are over all of this, yet you are tripping over your tongue over one VAGUE text conversation.

Relax CP, and ease up on the caffeine. ;) Stop worrying about the ifs and just enjoy the moments.

Stay away from it, Coffee Pot. You can't revive a dead horse.

And if I ignore this advice, what do you believe is the likely outcome? ;)

The original post only ten times worse. :rolleyes: ;)

CP, you are probably always going to care about this person. She will probably always have a special place in your heart and thoughts, but that is where she needs to stay. That is the place that she needs to keep you in, too.

If there was ever a chance for you to get together again, I would suggest years from the present after you both have a lot more experiences behind you. Anything sooner would be rebound on both of your parts. Sticking with the known because it is comfortable not because you have worked out all of the current problems and learned through trying to work with other people different ways to communicate with each other.

All right, all right, all right. Through unanimous decision it seems like I shouldn't only stay away but I should 'Run to the Hills.' Since I am a huge Iron Maiden fan, I will play that song any time she tries and contacts me, which of course has been a big fat goose egg since the last time we talked(fully expected).

And no I haven't taken any steps back, I have been thinking about her a little more than usual lately but this is just one of the many curveballs that life throws at you. There will be no stale Coffee left on the burner.

There will be no stale Coffee left on the burner.

Good. :)

Good choice!
Take care.

Congratulations. Nice one.
Keep rocking it CP.

It only gets easier.

So it's been just over 8 months since the breakup and I thought I would give everyone an update.

Since my last post I stupidly contacted her again sometime in mid-February. She asked why I was still so bitter to which I answered I wasn't at all and we just had a 5-6 message text conversation. Last weekend I saw one of her friends who told me the ex wanted to say hi. Other than that there has been zero contact.

I can 100% tell that I am healing. I don't really feel sadness at all anymore. I miss her still and seem to think about her at least once everyday. Mostly when I wake up exhausted (usually the most depressing part of the day, ha). I don't long for her anymore but sometimes wish things were still as they were 8 months ago (though I do realize our relationship wasn't as strong as I had once thought).

I've seen and heard now that she misses me too, and that she is going through the healing process. It made things easier on me to know these things but also seems to have lengthened the process because seeing that she is still single gives me ideas that we could still get together some day.

I'm not sure if that is a bad thing to think. If we're meant to be we're meant to be. But at least at this point I will be happy either way. I know I can live without her, and I know I can find someone better for me. It just doesn't change the fact that I still miss her, love her, and have feelings for her. NC has been a blessing and has made me feel tremendous.

I'm going to a party next month at a mutual friend's house. It's a reunion of sort and the ex will be there. I can't avoid this party at this point so I know I'll have to see her there. Any advice on how I should handle the situation. I won't be able to ignore her but I don't want to get cornered into a serious conversation. Anything I should expect? I'll probably just be myself say hello, catch up real quick and then enjoy my time at the party.

Again thanks to everyone for all the help. This pot of coffee is freshly brewed now.

Good to know you are doing so well.

As for the future,nobody knows what will happen.

The party,polite but busy would be your best option if you can't avoid going.

Enjoy your coffee.

I am very glad that you seem to be doing well.

Don't build the party or any possible contact with the ex up in your mind. Be ready to be polite. Don't try to force small talk. Don't plan on 'catching up'. Be yourself.

Good luck. :)

The rollercoaster ride.

Not sure what triggered this set back, it's probably a list of multiple things. Texting her a couple of weeks ago, hearing about her two weekends ago, looking at little things on Facebook again. Not sure what it was but this week I was extra tired and work has been slow. Today this whole thing hit me like a ton of bricks and I just can't get her out of my head. My heart is itching at me to contact her and see how she's doing and to tell her I miss her. Probably the worst/lowest I've felt in a couple of months. I guess these days still happen from time to time. I have to ignore my heart and listen to my head (which is pretty much everyone on here).

I feel like I am rehashing the same ole song and dance from weeks ago, but I guess this is just the roller coaster ride. We were together for about 4 years and we were best friends for 2 or so years before that. I guess it will just take more time. Day by day, things will keep moving forward.

"it's probably a list of multiple things. Texting her a couple of weeks ago, hearing about her two weekends ago, looking at little things on Facebook again. Not sure what it was?"

That's excactly what it was.

"it's probably a list of multiple things. Texting her a couple of weeks ago, hearing about her two weekends ago, looking at little things on Facebook again. Not sure what it was?"

Thats excactly what it was.

Ha! The problem with these little things is they don't feel weird or depressing directly after they happen. It usually takes 3-4 weeks before they hit you. Subconsciously it makes me feel like they aren't connected even though they obviously are.

No contact consists of entirely no contact. Even when you think you're doing well the lesson is to not reach out, just keep pushing forward with NC.

That's it-no contact,no texting or Facebook-if it brings back the rollercoaster,you're not ready.

Give it the time it takes.

The rollercoaster ride.

I feel like I am rehashing the same ole song and dance from weeks ago, but I guess this is just the roller coaster ride. We were together for about 4 years and we were best friends for 2 or so years before that. I guess it will just take more time. Day by day, things will keep moving forward.

Setbacks happen. Sometimes without help (though this one had a ton of help).

The important thing is that you recognize it for what it is and don't beat yourself up over it. The thoughts and feelings are like a bored toddler throwing a tantrum, negative attention is still attention. Put them back in their corner and have some fun with a friend.