bunyrocka
Oct 3, 2009, 10:43 AM
I was seeing this guy for a while... and I was in love with him from day one. He made me feel like no other, since my previous boyfriend had cheated on me while I was recovering from ovarian cancer. I was still scarred from that past relationship and this new guy I was seeing totally swept me off my feet.
Then a dilemma arose when his ex of 2 years came back into the picture wanting him back. He was very honest with me explaining the situation and that he was confused and didn't know who he wanted more. And me being the total unselfish one told him to go back to his ex to uncomplicate things and prevent more heartache than I needed.
So he went back to her, but we still continued keeping in touch as friends even though it killed me, I swallowed my feelings for him and we had a ball just hanging out. Deep down I knew I couldn't keep doing that to myself and just waiting around and hoping he would leave her. It felt dirty. So I opened myself up to love again and love I did find.
I've been in a relationship with my current partner for 3 years now. It seemed like it was love at first site. He asked me to marry him at 4 months, and we have a beautiful 15 month old son , whom was a miracle conception considering my doctor told me I was probably sterile from chemotherapy and radiation treatments. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to have him.
The thing is I was having doubts about my relationship right before I found out I was pregnant. And since I've had the baby, my doubts have been confirmed. My current partner can be a great but most of the time he stresses me out and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I love him but I'm not IN LOVE with him.
I feel like I should be with him for the sake of my son. And I know he would be hopeless without me. He frustrates me because he is lazy most of the time, he prefers video games than spending time with his son and I find myself cleaning up after him which puts more stress on me. He's been let go from 3 jobs in the past 4 months. And because he is incompetent and doesn't want to study to get a qualification. So now we're living on my income most of the time because he is to lazy to find a job. Sometimes I feel like I have two kids rather than one. His family love me and I don't want to hurt them. I do so much for them, yet I feel unappreciated by them half the time.
I just don't want my son to end up like me suffering depression as a teenager as a result of a broken marriage. That's why I stay with him.
The guy I was seeing before my current partner conveniently messages me one night, while I was pregnant saying he's left his girlfriend because she was cheating on him. And that he was stupid for going back to her and he realised that I was the one all along. At the time I was thinking why now? While I'm in a relationship with a bun in the oven. So since then I think about him pretty much everyday knowing he loves me. Yet I can't be with him because of my current predicament.
He's got a good job and he's currently building a house. He is everything that I dreamed of in guy. I know if we were together we would love each other forever. But I just don't want to hurt my current partner and most importantly, hurt my son . He is only 15 months old but he is so smart already and he really loves his daddy.
Do I just carry on with the life I'm living now and sacrifice my happiness and marry my baby's daddy for the sake of my child's happiness, or do I leave him and sacrifice the life I already have for the man whom I secretly long for?
I know I wrote a heap but I've really kept this all in for a long time and feel like I can't talk about it with anyone. And I need some help so I don't keep crying myself to sleep.
Thanks a bunch.
Xx
Then a dilemma arose when his ex of 2 years came back into the picture wanting him back. He was very honest with me explaining the situation and that he was confused and didn't know who he wanted more. And me being the total unselfish one told him to go back to his ex to uncomplicate things and prevent more heartache than I needed.
So he went back to her, but we still continued keeping in touch as friends even though it killed me, I swallowed my feelings for him and we had a ball just hanging out. Deep down I knew I couldn't keep doing that to myself and just waiting around and hoping he would leave her. It felt dirty. So I opened myself up to love again and love I did find.
I've been in a relationship with my current partner for 3 years now. It seemed like it was love at first site. He asked me to marry him at 4 months, and we have a beautiful 15 month old son , whom was a miracle conception considering my doctor told me I was probably sterile from chemotherapy and radiation treatments. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to have him.
The thing is I was having doubts about my relationship right before I found out I was pregnant. And since I've had the baby, my doubts have been confirmed. My current partner can be a great but most of the time he stresses me out and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I love him but I'm not IN LOVE with him.
I feel like I should be with him for the sake of my son. And I know he would be hopeless without me. He frustrates me because he is lazy most of the time, he prefers video games than spending time with his son and I find myself cleaning up after him which puts more stress on me. He's been let go from 3 jobs in the past 4 months. And because he is incompetent and doesn't want to study to get a qualification. So now we're living on my income most of the time because he is to lazy to find a job. Sometimes I feel like I have two kids rather than one. His family love me and I don't want to hurt them. I do so much for them, yet I feel unappreciated by them half the time.
I just don't want my son to end up like me suffering depression as a teenager as a result of a broken marriage. That's why I stay with him.
The guy I was seeing before my current partner conveniently messages me one night, while I was pregnant saying he's left his girlfriend because she was cheating on him. And that he was stupid for going back to her and he realised that I was the one all along. At the time I was thinking why now? While I'm in a relationship with a bun in the oven. So since then I think about him pretty much everyday knowing he loves me. Yet I can't be with him because of my current predicament.
He's got a good job and he's currently building a house. He is everything that I dreamed of in guy. I know if we were together we would love each other forever. But I just don't want to hurt my current partner and most importantly, hurt my son . He is only 15 months old but he is so smart already and he really loves his daddy.
Do I just carry on with the life I'm living now and sacrifice my happiness and marry my baby's daddy for the sake of my child's happiness, or do I leave him and sacrifice the life I already have for the man whom I secretly long for?
I know I wrote a heap but I've really kept this all in for a long time and feel like I can't talk about it with anyone. And I need some help so I don't keep crying myself to sleep.
Thanks a bunch.
Xx