I'm very stressed out. I really need sympathetic advice and no critics.

Long story short...

As many of you know, I have had problems with my married boss. He's had a crush on me for (10 months now... Since Jan.) He wasn't the one who hired me but took over and I got stuck with him. He's been inappropriate (touching, comments, staring, being a pig etc). He was stressing me out by arranging so much togetherness on the job. He kind of grew on me because of all the attention but I never behaved inappropriately. I finally got sick of it. It's difficult to work under those circumstances. He's very needy and he jokingly mentioned that he has a midlife crisis every year. I think he's 58 or 60.

I started to be very firm and serious to try to stop this behavior. He retaliated by taking away work that was important to me. Recently I had my annual review and it wasn't that great. I knew he would pull something like this so a few months ago I started asking him what I needed to do to be sure I had a great review. I thought I had all my bases covered. He had a negative comment to make under each category. I was so mad.

Well, he just came back from a two week vacation. I was so happy with him gone. When he came back, he ran into my office like he missed me. I cannot stand the sight of him. I get headaches if I see him more than a couple of times a day. I get a terrible physical reaction when I see him and I can't stand him. I'm stressed out because if I continue like this, he'll fire me. I can't afford to lose my job. I've looked around and there aren't any jobs right now and this one is a good one.

Here's the really sick part. I found out he brought a gift back from his vacation to another girl and not me and I felt jealous. Then I noticed that he is behaving in the same way with some other girls as he had been with me and it upset me. I should be happy about this since it gets me off the hook. I don't know where these feelings are coming from. I really don't like him and I have never given in to him. Why do I have these feelings? I don't get it. I think I'm just stressed out. I'm afraid I'll blow up at work. I'm sick of this whole thing. I can't stand him. This has gone on for too long.

He is obviously upset at the fact that I have become so completely cold to him. He gets flustered when I'm short and to the point with him. I have to stop this or I will be fired. I don't feel I have enough concrete evidence against him to complain. We have on site attorneys and an ethics department but they look after the company. I'll end up losing my job. I'm trying to be a corporate robot but my feelings are very strong and I have trouble hiding them. At work they are all workaholic zombies and this is part of what has me stressed out. I can't fake my emotions and hide how pissed off I am.

I just need to vent. Any constructive advice is very appreciated! Thank you...
__________________

That's sexual harassment. If they fire you for reporting it that's retaliation.

Do you have actual proof of his harassment? Saved messages? Inappropriate emails? Any physical evidence?

OK. Your call. Good luck with either learning to deal with your boss or finding a new job. Hope it all works out well for you :)

Thanks... You know, just writing it out and looking at it helped immensely. You don't realize just how weird a situation is when you are in it. It was a chance for me to step back. I got my answers!

There are many solutions here!
Firstly, do you belong to a UNION at work.
Your union should be looking after you.
Secondly, in the country you live, is there such a thing as an OMBUDSMAN?
If there is you must get in touch with him.
Thirdly , you must , bite the bullet and start looking for other employment.
In your case, I would definitely seek legal advice.
In Australia where I live we have very good
Discrimination Legislation in place for your type of problem.
Remember, the little fish never eats the
Big fish.

HI,
Thanks Rolcam. I'm not in a union. I am looking for other work. In the meantime, I need to control myself and not let my resentment show because I've become a bit snippy. Last night I wrote out all the events, comments etc. and I was disgusted with myself that I let it go on so long. He's pushy and persistent. He has gotten it, finally, that there is no way in hell I'm ever giving in. Well, I think he gets it but I think he's very attracted to me so when he talks to me he's nervous and acts like a freak.

Now I have to deal with my reaction to his retaliation. I could walk in to work one day and be told to get my belongings and leave. If I could just be phony and go on as usual. Problem is, I get such a bad reaction when I see him. I get a pounding headache and I feel this anger well up from the core of my being. I feel like I'll explode. Because I have so much anger that I cannot express the way I would like, I cried all day after work yesterday... I'm completely stressed out.

A couple of weeks ago, I confided in a girl at work who he flirts with. She seemed like someone I could trust but in a corporation you can never really trust anyone. Oh well, I took a chance. She agreed that he is very unprofessional. I also made a comment to another girl he has been overly friendly with. I said, "Don't you find him extremely touchy feely and he gets to close?" Now if I have to make a formal complaint, I can always say that I spoke with these girls and they agree. He's so out of control that he's going to get caught doing something.

Does anyone have some advice on how I can control myself and see this in a different way so that I don't have these feelings and possible explosion? How do I psyche myself out to not react? I haven't mastered "zombie" yet. Thanks!

Microphone, yes that's right it's undeniable proof. Lure him into making advances into him, then use a microphone to record all his words. Once you get something, sue him and show the proof to the appropriate channel. A corporation never take lightly a lawsuit.

Hi Paxe,
Great info but it's against the law for me to record him without his knowing. I checked. Also, I would not be interested in a law suit. I don't want that kind of high drama in my life. If it got really ugly, though, a law suit might have to be the way to go. Thank you for your ideas!

I always dreamed to use a microphone in this kind of situation. Well, YOU know the law, but he may not. Even though it may not stand in court, you could still use it to your benefit and show it to his bosses or to the ombudsman.

You can also talk to other coworkers, see what they feel about him. It's easier if you have someone on your side then if you're all alone. If he is doing the same thing to other girls then try to be friends with them.

Also, try to be unattractive, easier said than done, maybe he will lose all his attention to you.

And the jealousy part, that's unhealthy. Don't let him get into your skin.

As for the emotions, sport is the best way to channel negative emotions into positive feedback.

Mastering "Zombie" and keeping yourself under control, and professional at work IS your solution. Your situation is the same in many jobs where a boss takes inappropriate liberties because he has power and control.

Moving from job to job isn't always the answer as there are a lot of working jerks out there, but learning to control yourself, is only hard until you have mastered it.

It's a learning process to how best to work with those co workers, and bosses you don't necessarily like, or get along with, but a jerk is a jerk, and that will never change.

Maybe transferring to another department or taking different assignments is your answer, but keep in mind that your livelihood is what matters most in this economy, and perhaps his reviews of your performance, which you think are unfair and biased, can be formally challenged by his boss. Its called going over his head with a legitimate complaint, based on the facts of your job performance.

I always dreamed to use a microphone in this kind of situation. Well, YOU know the law, but he may not. Even though it may not stand in court, you could still use it to your benefit and show it to his bosses or to the ombudsman.

You can also talk to other coworkers, see what they feel about him. It's easier if you have someone on your side then if you're all alone. If he is doing the same thing to other girls then try to be friends with them.

Also, try to be unattractive, easier said than done, maybe he will lose all his attention to you.

And the jealousy part, that's unhealthy. Don't let him get into your skin.

Great advice! About the jealousy thing... this has caught me completely by surprise. I'm having weird feelings due to the stress. As far as exercise goes, I haven't been working out lately because I've been busy with school. I'm going for a long bike ride today to de-stress. Thanks for that reminder. Of course that will help! Exercise is always the best.

Mastering "Zombie" and keeping yourself under control, and professional at work IS your solution. Your situation is the same in many jobs where a boss takes inappropriate liberties because he has power and control.

Moving from job to job isn't always the answer as their are a lot of working jerks out there, but learning to control yourself, is only hard until you have mastered it.

Its a learning process to how best to work with those co workers, and bosses you don't necessarily like, or get along with, but a jerk is a jerk, and that will never change.

Maybe transferring to another department or taking different assignments is your answer, but keep in mind that your livelihood is what matters most in this economy, and perhaps his reviews of your performance, which you think are unfair and biased, can be formally challenged by his boss. Its called going over his head with a legitimate complaint, based on the facts of your job performance.

You are right... running doesn't help anything. I have to protect my job. I thought I could transfer to another department but they decided to distribute the work load rather than open a new position. Paxe reminded me to exercise which will calm my nerves. I know I can get through this. I have to lay low so he attaches himself to another girl.

Hi all,
I was hoping someone else had some words to add here. I go to work tomorrow and I still feel frustrated. I'm practicing self control but can't help the steam coming out of my ears..

I got some good exercise yesterday. I went surfing and the cold water really helped. I might go dancing tonight so I'm not stewing. It's going to be difficult to display professionalism at work when on the inside I feel quite ticked off.

Thanks...

FOCUS on the work, not the people. Don't let your emotions or the behavior of another stop you from doing a great job, and having a good day.

FOCUS on the work, not the people. Don't let your emotions or the behavior of another stop you from doing a great job, and having a good day.

Yes, so true. You always have the right things to say! Thanks Tal.

And don't forget sport and training, it's so important. May I suggest taking martial arts lessons? It can really help you in controlling your emotions.

And don't forget sport and training, it's so important. May I suggest taking martial arts lessons? It can really help you in controlling your emotions.

I have a blue belt in Shaolin Kempo. I should leap into my boss' office all "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-like" and sub-title speak my pissed-offedness at the situation.

But seriously, you are totally right. It's just difficult to keep your cool when being treated unfairly. Your suggestions are great. I'm going to go out with friends tonight and dance. I feel so much better after the exercise I got yesterday! I'll get over this. I sure do appreciate your suggestions. Nice to know you guys care! :)

We're here for that and hopefully you'll be able to pick a solution to your problem.

Only time will ease this difficult situation. You need to be squeaky clean and if you do 'record' anything, it should be in writing in a personal journal, just in case you need it. It’s super difficult to be in this situation – I was once a long time ago – and in the end it’s inevitable that it’s the employee who suffers not the boss.

In the final analysis, he’s the boss, and unless you want to make a really BIG issue of it, you need to keep your head down and focus on your work. My advice, be nice but not cold, don’t respond to any inappropriate behaviour, let him get sleazy with the other girls. Eventually someone will complain and make a big issue of it, but hopefully, by then you will be gone.

Really focus on your work and your life outside work – try to distance yourself emotionally from what’s going on with him. He’s in the process of shifting his attention to someone else, so that’s in your favour. As for the weird feelings of jealousy – we are strange aren’t we as human beings? You got so used to his attention – even though it was negative for you – that you missed it when it was diverted to someone else!

You won’t ever be the winner here – so talk to your networks and see what other jobs are around. Sometimes it’s a sign that we need to move on.

I think it is totally understandable that you had feelings of jealousy when you saw him with the other workers only because you know in his mind he is going to reward their behavior,it doesn't sound like he has anyone really giving in yet.
I had a idea not sure if it would help if you have a hunky boyfriend show up to take you to lunch introduce him make sure he gives him the look,you know the mess with my woman I will take you out,spread rumours he's CONNECTED (ala tony Saprano)intimidation works if anything it's a good fantasy..

And OP,

YOU don't leave the working place, if anyone should be gone that's HIM!

Hi Guys,
I had an interesting day. I read and re-read your posts this morning so I felt I had the tools to get through the day. I got to work and guess who kept coming into my office with stupid questions, leaning over my desk and winking at me? By the fourth time I was ready to rip his head off. I couldn't control myself and I snapped at him. He left and I thought, great... I'm going to get it. I went into his office and discussed some work in a very professional tone and very serious but nicer than I was a moment ago.

This afternoon I had to go to the HR department to pick something up. While waiting I noticed a piece of paper which read Preventing Harassment. I moved the papers and I saw my boss' name on one of them. The other 2 had other manager's names. The paper reads.

Congratulations. You have completed the course. This will verify that I, (name of manager) have viewed and participated in the (company name) preventing harassment 2009-2010 for managers 2-hour course and I understand the contents thereof. Name of my manager and date. My boss' was dated last month and the others dated this month

Here's my question. It seems to be a general course for managers. Is it possible that someone complained about harassment and so all managers had to take the course or is it a law for managers to take this course? Either way, I am surprised that he would complete this course and still continue to behave as he does.

Seeing this paper gave me some comfort because he's going to screw up and get fired. I had a very good afternoon after seeing it!

Thanks to all of you for your advice. You helped me get through a difficult time!

Hi Guys,
I had an interesting day. I read and re-read your posts this morning so I felt I had the tools to get through the day. I got to work and guess who kept coming into my office with stupid questions, leaning over my desk and winking at me? By the fourth time I was ready to rip his head off. I couldn't control myself and I snapped at him. He left and I thought, great...I'm gonna get it. I went into his office and discussed some work in a very professional tone and very serious but nicer than I was a moment ago.

This afternoon I had to go to the HR department to pick something up. While waiting I noticed a piece of paper which read Preventing Harassment. I moved the papers and I saw my boss' name on one of them. The other 2 had other manager's names. The paper reads.

Congratulations. You have completed the course. This will verify that I, (name of manager) have viewed and participated in the (company name) preventing harassment 2009-2010 for managers 2-hour course and I understand the contents thereof. Name of my manager and date. My boss' was dated last month and the others dated this month

Here's my question. It seems to be a general course for managers. Is it possible that someone complained about harassment and so all managers had to take the course or is it a law for managers to take this course? Either way, I am surprised that he would complete this course and still continue to behave as he does.

Seeing this paper gave me some comfort because he's going to screw up and get fired. I had a very good afternoon after seeing it!

Thanks to all of you for your advice. You helped me get through a difficult time!

Hey, it just shows, when you think things are at their darkest, karma rears it's beautiful head. Perhaps I was wrong (I have been known to be!! LOL), and it might be him to go and not you!

Keep your head up and glad you're feeling more cheerful.

PS In Australia it's part of the anti discrimination laws that managers have to take those courses - don't know where you're from...

Hi Gemini,
Thanks for all your advice. You have comforted me immensely! I was feeling very good today after seeing that paper. I'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Thanks!! :)

I'm from the U.S.

Definitely Karma, it comes back to bite you in the a$$. He knows he is on a thin line, if you actually have a recording (or even better, a secret videotaping?) and some people being on your side there is nothing he can do.

So, when he blatantly is sexually forward with you, look him in the eye and sincerely ask him, "I'm thinking of taking some harrassment avoidance classes, was the class you took any good? Is it possible for regular employees to take the same class? I really think I would benefit by it."

It's critical you not sound the least but accusatory or sarcastic. Sound like you really mean it and expect a serious answer from him. Ask his advice on the best classes.

========

If he still keeps it up...

Printout a "Living with Sexually Transmitted Diseases" -type paper and have it ready for him to "accidentally" see on your desk. When you're SURE he's seen it, embarassingly pick it up, don't say anything, and make sure it's destroyed.

This should make him think twice about courting your attentions.

Fun titles you can consider:
"Syphilis isn't always a death sentence"
"The Upside of Gonorrhea"


A good "graphic" or two should help, too.

"Living with Sexually Transmitted Diseases"[/I] -type paper and have it ready for him to "accidentally" see on your desk. When you're SURE he's seen it, embarassingly pick it up, don't say anything, and make sure it's destroyed.

This should make him think twice about courting your attentions.

Fun titles you can consider:
"Syphilis isn't always a death sentence"
"The Upside of Gonorrhea"


A good "graphic" or two should help, too.


This made me laugh soooooooo hard JBeau. Thanks!! I have an idea... I'll leave a printout on my desk that reads, MEN PARADING AS WOMEN. I'll look embarrassed when he sees it on my desk. Then I'll stand in such a way as to let him catch a glimpse of the bulge caused by the banana stuffed down my pants.

But seriously, good post and good ideas. I appreciate it. Today was better. I have to be careful what I say to him because he bites back quick and I lose. I avoid his office, take the stairs, go to lunch at a different time. Today he poked his head in my office a few times just to see me. Freak!

It was so good not having him around for two weeks while he was on vacation that it was a total shock to my system when he returned. I'm going to lay low and finish with school. He's gotten no where with me in almost a year. He has to give up some time!! I think I'm wearing him out. I'm not the only one. He's always flirted and been a pig with the other girls. (No offense to your pig avatar JBeau) :D

You could just make this "fun with book covers" and make your own cover and keep wrapping it around the same meaningless book. Make sure it's in your hands anytime you pass by him.

More book titles:

"MURDER: The Perfect Crime Made Possible"

"Office Politics and the Transvestite"

"How to Win Your Sexual Harrassment Law Suit"

"101 ways to remove blood stains with common household products"

"Ex-Cons Anonymous"

"Schizophrenia - You CAN control the voices"

"The Seven Stages of Sex-Change Trauma"

"Courting the Elderly - Getting Rich and Retiring Early"


========
NOTE: The RocketPig forgives you.

You could just make this "fun with book covers" and make your own cover and keep wrapping it around the same meaningless book. Make sure it's in your hands anytime you pass by him.

More book titles:

"MURDER: The Perfect Crime Made Possible"

"Office Politics and the Transvestite"

"How to Win Your Sexual Harrassment Law Suit"

"101 ways to remove blood stains with common household products"

"Ex-Cons Anonymous"

"Schizophrenia - You CAN control the voices"

"The Seven Stages of Sex-Change Trauma"

"Courting the Elderly - Getting Rich and Retiring Early"


========
NOTE: The RocketPig forgives you.

This is sooooooo hilarious!! They're all great. I'll have to use them all. Oh, all except the last one. He'll think I'm flirting. JBeau, this is the icing on the cake. Your sense of humor is fantastic. I'll have to try to not laugh in his face when I remember these. :D

Many thanks to all of you for your advice and being here for me. Today was even better at work!

Many blessings to you all... JC55, Rolcam, Paxe, Tal, Gem, Zip, CFZD, JBeau & "RocketPig" :)

Hehe no problem, enjoy yourself and let us know how things work out :D.

Please be on best behavior - you will come out the winner in the end. Be nice but professional. This guy is going to get in trouble eventually, and when that happens, he will try to discredit his accusers. If you've displayed good behavior, he's the one that will look bad. Just consider this good training and another life experience. (P.S. Someone should tell his wife. She should know how her husband is disgracing himself - and her. Maybe that pressure would get him to straighten out !) Good luck.

Hi Guys,
Need to vent... Had to come back to give an update on this situation... Tomorrow I meet with my boss. He's writing me up. There was a situation at work that was so out of my control but he's twisting it around like I could have done something about it and he's having the HR department write me up. I absolutely cannot believe it. He's completely lying. I had all kinds of proof but he twisted everything around. He totally used this situation to have an excuse to put something on my record so he can fire me.

I am so upset at myself because I was unable to be fake and pretend like everything is OK. I've avoided him, I've been very serious. I was not able to even crack a smile because the smallest hint of friendliness would encourage him and he'd be back in my office bugging me. Early this morning he saw me and looked at me like a sad puppy dog. I probably still had a chance to talk him out of writing me up but I thought, "Like hell I'm going kiss up to him and beg. No way!" He's been inappropriate and a needy, troubled little maniac. I'm not giving him the satisfaction. I see the other people I work with who can be phony and brown nose. I just can't pull it off. I'm not made that way.

Friday he arranged for me to go with him on an errand. He just wants to be alone with me. I didn't talk with him because I was so pissed off that he is still pulling this. Before Christmas he gave me a dumb gift and came at me to hug me. I backed away in disgust. He doesn't let up.

The problem I have at this job is that no one is on your side and you have to be very hard and tough. It's a large corporation. There's absolutely no one you can trust. The HR dept. protects the company and the people in the ethics dept. are so stern and severe in temperament and completely unapproachable. The attorneys they have overseeing the company are protecting the company as well.

I'm so nervous about tomorrow because he's going to make me sign the paper full of lies. I thought about telling him I won't sign and try to go to the ethics department. I could expose him but we'll both be fired.

OK, deep breath... I'm going in tomorrow and will listen to him. I'll write my own comments on the paper next to the ones I don't agree with. I'll continue doing my job while looking for another one. He's such a slime ball... this will catch up with him.

I just need to vent... Not sure what I need to hear.

Maybe it's time to ask him who you talk to about your forthcoming sexual harassment suit against him.

Maybe it's time to ask him who you talk to about your forthcoming sexual harrassment suit against him.

Hi,
Thank you for responding. I am still waiting to meet with him. I have to see what is on the write up. I have scoped out a possibility of someone I can speak with. "She" is his ex-boss. She hates him. He was promoted to be my boss. This company is heavy on protocol.

My question is will they take what I say seriously? I have no concrete proof and now I will have a spot on my record. Will they try to say I am lying because he has written me up? Remember, this company will protect itself. Will they automatically fire me or do they have to keep me employed by law since I complain?

OK, going back to work... Hope to get this over with... Bye

Summer, keep a 'strong upper lip.'

Choose your responses carefully, be professional.

Something that helps me when I have to speak and respond in front of a large group may help you. In my mind I quickly calculate/formulate exactly what I want to say, I carefully choose my words and tone of voice, speak slowly and specifically.

I pause a few seconds before responding and slightly smile... not cynically but in a confident way. Confidence is viewed as strength and you should always 'deal from a position of strength.'

Also, if you are a little nervous... convince your mind to believe that this meeting is already over and it was successful. This actual meeting is just a formality.

'Right' is on your side.

Good luck, please let us know how it went.

Stringer

Summer, keep a 'strong upper lip.'

Choose your responses carefully, be professional.

Something that helps me when I have to speak and respond in front of a large group may help you. In my mind I quickly calculate/formulate exactly what I want to say, I carefully choose my words and tone of voice, speak slowly and specifically.

I pause a few seconds before responding and slightly smile...not cynically but in a confident way. Confidence is viewed as strength and you should always 'deal from a psoition of strength.'

Also, if you are a little nervous...convince your mind to believe that this meeting is already over and it was successful. This actual meeting is just a formality.

'Right' is on your side.

Good luck, please let us know how it went.

Stringer

Thank you so much Stringer for responding. I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much Stringer for responding. I really appreciate it.

You are welcome... now go handle this dipsh**.

OK-cat's out of the bag. I went in and he showed me this form with, lies of course, and at the bottom it reads basically one more false move and I'm outa there. He said sign this one and take a copy to review and you can write back back a rebuttal. I said, "I'm not letting you do this to me...I'm going to talk with someone first." I took it and left and went to his old boss and told her everything. She wasn't too surprised. Tomorrow I go to HR. Wish me luck!

OK-cat's out of the bag. I went in and he showed me this form with, lies of course, and at the bottom it reads basically one more false move and I'm outa there. He said sign this one and take a copy to review and you can write back back a rebuttal. I said, "I'm not letting you do this to me...I'm going to talk with someone first." I took it and left and went to his old boss and told her everything. She wasn't too surprised. Tomorrow I go to HR. Wish me luck!

Good for you Summer... finally a resolution, hopefully it turns in your direction and this is over. Anguish I know, but you know that how he is, this would have just continued.

Good luck tomorrow... prepare... be ready.

Keep us posted.

Stringer

My tip of the day is to remain absolutely calm and professional, almost pitying him when you speak to him and about him through the rest of this.

Let your superiors know, in front of him, that you were actually considering letting his sexually charged behavior "go" for the sake of calm in the workplace, but unfortunately he has opted to add unprofessionalism regarding your work product on top of his inappropriate behavior. With that, you "sadly" feel you have no choice but to come forward with all of his misbehaviors.

"We all know how difficult it is to speak unfavorably about someone. I've put up with his completely aggressive sexually inappropriate habits for quite some time and tried not to be a bad sport about it.

"But now he's taking this craziness out of the personal interactions and into my work product and even trying to cow me into signing something he knows is untruthful. Worse than sexual intimidation, he's now adding professional "bullying" to the pile.

"This simply won't do, I hope you all understand. He's was probably once a very good manager, but now I have no choice but to clarify to him and to you that all such misdoings will be spoken of aloud, immediately, from now on. Being quiet is allowing him to do more harm than good, so there you have it.

"Please accept my apologies for not speaking up sooner. I'm sure it would have spared others... or perhaps I'm the only one getting this special mistreatment. Either way, we know it has to stop, don't we? I truly hope it ends here."

JBeau thanks... this is just what I needed to top off my pile of evidence. I'm going to use it. I just realized he's the one losing sleep now. I feel so good and free. Thanks so much JBeau. :)

Let us know what happened today Summer.

Hi Stringer,
Nothing happened yesterday. This morning I met with 2 people from HR. I thought the people in ethics were cold... These two have them beat. They listened to me, stone faced, and said this type of behavior is not acceptable in the company. They will conduct an investigation and proceed from there. But the write up I got still stands. I gave my evidence and they fought me on it. This did not surprise me since I knew they would protect themselves. They told me the incident happened prior to my complaint of him. I told them I refuse to sign and will submit a rebuttal. They told me that even though I don't sign it, it will stay in my record but they will read my rebuttal.

There's also the chance that the people whose names I gave might not admit to what is going on. I left feeling horrible and completely alone. I have no support there and now I feel like they will try to find anything to make me look bad in case of a law suit.

The rest of the day I felt stressed out and couldn't work. At 2:00, I walked by one of the conference rooms and saw 5 attorneys sitting around the table each holding a copy of my complaint. I went to my office and sat at my desk and went into shock. I was completely numb and heard no sounds or anything. I couldn't feel my body. I stayed like that for half an hour, unable to move.

I finally snapped out of it and tried to find something positive to get out of this. I thought that thanks to this situation, he is exposed. I saw my boss a couple of times today... He's a total wreck. He knows something is coming but doesn't know what. The things I expose are so humiliating, I really felt sorry for him. I thought at that moment that I forgive him for everything.

At 5:00 tonight, a peace fell over me. None of this matters anymore. I'm not stressed, I'm not nervous... I just feel at peace. I just don't care. It's fine. I've done everything right. I just want to get this over with. Whatever the outcome. I don't want this drama in my life. I had enough drama and sadness and stress growing up and it was completely out of my control. I made a vow to myself not to allow that into my life anymore. This is an obstacle and there will be an end. I don't know what the end will look like but this will end and I will move on.

Yesterday I walked around the block to a place that offers adult classes on the weekend. I signed up for two Saturday classes. One is for starting a home based business and the other is tax preparation for home based businesses. I also start my Spring semester classes soon. Last night I watched Lynda.com and watched the videos that interview professionals in high tech fields and that inspired me.

I'm so glad tomorrow's Friday... Bye

It's fine. I've done everything right. I just want to get this over with. Whatever the outcome. I don't want this drama in my life. I had enough drama and sadness and stress growing up and it was completely out of my control. I made a vow to myself not to allow that into my life anymore.
Summer, this is one of those universal secrets that so many people never connect to. If the worst thing these people can do to you is take away your job... who cares? The job cannot own you. Most management systems only work when the intimidation of threatening job-loss cows the employees into inappropriate submission.

Now, you don't have to fear them. Lies may come and go, the drama may try to insinuate itself back into your life... but you have the power to laugh at it out loud now, with no remorse about who hears or not.

This is life-altering perception stuff. Celebrate.

Thank you, JBeau...

HI Sunny, just a thought... as far as their saying that you turned him in after he gave you your evaluation you need a dated paper trail. This thread is dated, can you copy and print it? I don't know how much that will help you but it will show that you were talking about this thing prior to the review.

I was thinking the same thing. You could show them this thread.

Hey Stringer,
I thought about that. I also thought of how seriously they would take me submitting a post where I'm getting advice from Humphrey Bogart, a pig tied to a red rocket and a cat (Is that a cat?). No offense guys. :D I'm sure they'd like my smiling, "sun shiny" avatar too. I'd also like legal having access to my other posts in particular the one where I give my review on the most effective deodorant... Secret Clinical Strength. Good idea though!

Tonight I was reading a book I picked up at the library, Home Based Business for Dummies. I hate to read but I'm loving this book. I've decided I don't like to have a boss.

Today I was a basket case at work. I saw some attorneys meet with my boss as well as a couple of "ice cubes" from ethics and HR. There was a point where I was so freaked out that I just had to stop and decide I needed to be strong for myself. I'm all I have there so I have to be there for me. That gave me strength and I was fine the rest of the day.

A few of them passed me in the hall after the meeting and they didn't even look at me. I haven't done anything. Then I realized. They're all scared of me. Hah!

I should create some book covers like JBeau suggested on page 3 of this post. Only now the titles will read:
Lunch Hour Lawsuit
How to Freak Out Everyone at Work
10 Tips for Humiliating Your Pervert Boss

JBeau, I need some book cover ideas here...

Anyway, It's almost over. Next week begins the "investigation". This is all so stupid and such a waste of my time. Next I'll be dealing with the people who will be angry with me for "doing this to him". The fun never ends. The positive here is that this will keep me motivated to create a business for myself. I'm on fire right now.

Have a great weekend! Thanks to you all for responding... :)

Sunny, I like your attitude and inner strength now. Have you considered talking to an attorney? This might be a good time to get some professional advice. I think that this is important now.

I would be happy to help you where I can with starting your own business. I have three.

Stringer

Sunny, I like your attitude and inner strength now. Have you considered talking to an attorney? This might be a good time to get some professional advice. I think that this is important now.

I would be happy to help you where I can with starting your own business. I have three.

Stringer

Argh... You're probably right. I want to see what happens next week. I really just want to get out of there right now. I don't want to end up like these people. They really are a different breed. I want peace in my life.
The job was so great until "slimy" came into the picture.

Monday I'm planning on hitting the pavement at lunch. I just know I'll find something. Then I can work on my own goals. Thanks for the offer to help me get started on a biz. There are so many awesome internet business opportunities out there. I'm learning a lot from my book. Next week I begin my home business class. I'm excited!

Thank you... Have a great weekend! :)

Just plain funny...
Click Here: YouTube - Pervert boss (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHU1N-XZq0A)

Let's see:

"The Imasculated Male Manager"

"Million-Dollar Legal Strategies for Dummies"

"Getting Blood out of Carpets and Cash out of Corporations"

"He Said WHAT? 101 Quotes You Can Take To The Bank"

This is an excellent one!
"He Said WHAT? 101 Quotes You Can Take To The Bank"

This is an excellent one!
"He Said WHAT? 101 Quotes You Can Take To The Bank"

I agree... This is his best work yet! :D

Summer, I personally am impressed by your attitude and strength. Stay positive, be confident, look them in the eyes, and tell them the truth.

Never feel sorry for this guy. He is a predator of sorts. You are a victim, remember that.

He must be stopped.

Laws are there to protect people like you from being harassed by people like him.

If you had a daughter ( I hope you do someday), how would you want her to respond to this behavior?

You'll get through this and be stronger for the trouble.

I wish you the best in whatever it is you pursue.

God bless.

Summer, I personally am impressed by your attitude and strength. Stay positive, be confident, look them in the eyes, and tell them the truth.

Never feel sorry for this guy. He is a predator of sorts. You are a victim, remember that.

He must be stopped.

Laws are there to protect people like you from being harrassed by people like him.

If you had a daughter ( I hope you do someday), how would you want her to respond to this behavior?

You'll get through this and be stronger for the trouble.

I wish you the best in whatever it is you pursue.

God bless.

Thank you for the blessing!! I know he's a jerk... I can't help but feel sorry for a person so stupid as to make these kinds of decisions and to not have any control over himself. He's really screwed up and has to face this enormous humiliation. I wish I could share the stuff I exposed about him but I better not. What I meant by "forgiving him" is that I'm not going to think about him or "this" again. I'm movin' on. I won't stay angry or get bitter. You are totally right though!

This has been a tremendous learning experience for me and I am taking away a lot here. I don't see myself as a victim. I see this as an obstacle (a big fat unfortunate obstacle) and I just want it done with. I'm so anxious to just fast forward here.

I'm waiting to see what happens this coming week. I need to wait for the results of the investigation and to see how the company handles this. If I am not pleased, then I will have to fight. I really don't want to get to that point. This is not what I want in my life.

I'm dreading going to work tomorrow. I haven't told my "witnesses" that they will be called in for the investigation. As I'm writing about tomorrow, my guts are doing flips, my hands are ice cold and I fear the unknown. Please send a prayer my way tomorrow..

I can't wait until I leave this place and tell them "they can all kiss my back pockets!".

Thank you for your response...

Hi Summer,
I agree it's best not to think in terms of being a victim. He's the loser.
Your boss has bitten off way more than he can chew. He's behaved badly from beginning to end--harassing you, punishing you for resisting his advances, and pitting his employees against one another. I have to wonder if there is anything he hasn't done wrong. And his stupidity and entitlement in thinking he can get away with all this without having it blow up in his face is amazing.

I hope you are writing down everything that has happened and is happening. You may need a record if there is a court case. That's obviously not what you want, but it's best to be prepared.

Rooting for you...
asking

You can be a victim of sexual harassment without feeling victimized. I didn't mean it to sound bad, or make you feel any worse than you already do. It's just a term that's commonly used.

I just wanted you to understand that HE is in the wrong. HE is the one who should be feeling bad for what he has done to YOU, and possibly countless more.

He is in a position of power and is making unwanted sexual advances toward female subordinates. And that is morally wrong, and against the law.

You should be able to work in a safe, harassment free environment.

I wonder what he would have done if he truly got you alone. Could he have controlled himself? I doubt it.

You should be proud of yourself for standing up for what is right.

I hope everything works out for you.

"Living well is the best revenge."
- - - - - - - George Herbert, clergyman/poet (1593 - 1633)

Hi Guys,
I am so fed up right now. I met with a couple of attorneys and someone from HR. Basically they told me my witnesses admitted to nothing. They read a few of my points and my boss agreed to some parts. They basically told me it's a case of he said, she said and that was that. They said they believe that I perceive this to have happened but they have no proof. I caught one of the attorneys in a lie. I called him on it and he changed it around. They were very cold to me (so what's new) and I felt they were shooing me out the door. I have been assigned to a new boss who is a very difficult individual. Several people have left this individual's department. I can't believe all this. It's a nightmare.

I then took my rebuttal to HR and the guy reading it was very shocked and said that what he is reading will require an additional investigation. So it's open again. This thing won't die!!! It just goes on and on.

Tomorrow I have to start with that new boss and meet with someone regarding the new investigation. I can't get any work done. I feel like I'm the bad guy making all this trouble. I'm not sure what an attorney would solve for me here if I consulted with one. They removed me from my old boss' paws, they talked to him. What else should I expect? Do I wait until they do something really stupid and obvious? Do I go in so that he can tell me, "Yes, they are jerks but they are following the proper procedure. That'll be $250.00" What do I have to tell an attorney now.. What am I defending myself from... bad vibes?

Anyway, I went to my home business class on Saturday. It was great. There were a lot of successful people who just want to work from home. Wednesday I go to a resume workshop to "amp up my rez". I've looked around for jobs. Everything seems so out in the future and I need something now.

I was beating myself up because I thought I could have done more to keep my boss at bay. Then today he had to pick something up from me and he was blushing, nervous and acting like a stupid freak. He's attracted to me so I guess I did as much as I could here and I should stop giving myself such a hard time.

I'm really down in the dumps right now. I just have to keep pushing forward and can't let this job control me. I've been listening to some motivational tapes and hitting the gym at 6:00am to manage the basketball sized knot in my gut. This will pass... soon I hope!

Anyway, don't need anything... just venting.

Hi Summer,
I agree it's best not to think in terms of being a victim. He's the loser.
Your boss has bitten off way more than he can chew. He's behaved badly from beginning to end--harassing you, punishing you for resisting his advances, and pitting his employees against one another. I have to wonder if there is anything he hasn't done wrong. And his stupidity and entitlement in thinking he can get away with all this without having it blow up in his face is amazing.

I hope you are writing down everything that has happened and is happening. You may need a record if there is a court case. That's obviously not what you want, but it's best to be prepared.

Rooting for you...
asking

Thank you so much for the wise words!!

You can be a victim of sexual harrassment without feeling victimized. I didn't mean it to sound bad, or make you feel any worse than you already do. It's just a term that's commonly used.

I just wanted you to understand that HE is in the wrong. HE is the one who should be feeling bad for what he has done to YOU, and possibly countless more.

He is in a position of power and is making unwanted sexual advances toward female subordinates. And that is morally wrong, and against the law.

You should be able to work in a safe, harrassment free environment.

I wonder what he would have done if he truly got you alone. Could he have controlled himself? I doubt it.

You should be proud of yourself for standing up for what is right.

I hope everything works out for you.

Thank you... I didn't take it the wrong way at all. I understand what you mean. I just don't see myself as a victim. I guess I don't feel so helpless here. There are avenues I can take and opportunities. I just have to keep my focus on what I have to be thankful for and focus on what's "right" in my life.

"Living well is the best revenge."
- - - - - - - George Herbert, clergyman/poet (1593 - 1633)

So true JBeau! Thank you!

A sexual harassment attorney might say that, but you won't know if you don't see one and ask. A lot of attorneys will give you a first visit free just to let you tell your story and they'll tell you if they can help.

I think it would be worth it to have someone knowledgeable in your corner. You are obviously competent and intelligent, but you don't have to do everything all by yourself, including facing down a company and its attorneys and HR people. They aren't on your side, as you've already figured out.

At least as a first step, maybe check this out?

Policy Guidance on Current Issues of Sexual Harassment (http://www.eeoc.gov/policy/docs/currentissues.html)

A sexual harassment attorney might say that, but you won't know if you don't see one and ask. A lot of attorneys will give you a first visit free just to let you tell your story and they'll tell you if they can help.

I think it would be worth it to have someone knowledgeable in your corner. You are obviously competent and intelligent, but you don't have to do everything all by yourself, including facing down a company and its attorneys and HR people. They aren't on your side, as you've already figured out.

At least as a first step, maybe check this out?

Policy Guidance on Current Issues of Sexual Harassment (http://www.eeoc.gov/policy/docs/currentissues.html)

Thank you Asking... I'm going to look into this. I really appreciate your advice!! I'll start checking for an attorney on my lunch today. Have a great day!

Hi,
I thought I would give an update here in case anyone who is reading this is going through the same thing...

After this whole ordeal, there were people at work who were giving me weird looks and there was some gossip. That didn't bother me though. Now everyone is pretty nice.

My ex-boss is a disaster. He looks very depressed since I exposed some pretty crazy things about him. He recently got into a minor car wreck and it was his fault, he lost his wallet with all his credit cards and a lot of cash and he can't get over this cold he's had for weeks. He's completely lost his voice and looks like a mess. His skin tone even looks sallow and sickly. He no longer walks around like a big shot. He's very down and sad.

I'm OK. I never see my new boss since he doesn't know what I do. He just took me in as an employee since I am no longer with "creepy". So as long as I keep things flowing, I work completely independently.

Everything seems to have calmed down but I am always looking over my shoulder because you just can't fully trust anyone at my job. The new scandal is "Who is leaving the dirty dishes in the main break room?"

My advice for anyone going through this...
Be very firm when someone is going too far at work. Stop it immediately!
Keep detailed notes with dates of what's going on.
Do speak up. Go to the HR department and tell them what is happening.

For those creepy bosses reading this. You will be exposed and you won't get away with your behavior!! STOP NOW!!

I'm glad it's over. I've completely moved on and I'm looking into doing something else for my career that I am excited about. I'm not staying at this company.

Many thanks to my buddies who got me through "Part B" of my issue here... Beachgarden, JBeau, Stringer, Asking and JMJoseph. You guys are awesome! Thanks...

Thanks Guys!! :)