I'm not sure if I can be helped but I would really appreciate any comments from people who have gone through/ are going through a similar experience...

My problem is no matter what I do I can't seem to get my ex out of my head.. its been about a year now almost to the day actually since we broke up and about 6 months since we last slept together. I'm seeing someone else and so is he.. My new boyfriend is great, good looking and a really nice guy, I'm happy with him but no matter what I do I can't stop thinking about my ex and be completely happy with my new boyfriend!

I don't know what to do! I think about my ex constantly during the day.. about things that went wrong in the relationship and how I could have done something different for things not to have ended.. and on days when I somehow manage not to think about him I dream about him at night! I'm starting to think there is something seriously wrong with me.. I just want these feelings to go away and I want to be happy..

I've deleted him off Facebook a long time ago and rarelly see or talk to him.. the last time he text last week actually I didn't reply. But no matter how much time passes my feelings don't change. I have never been as happy as I was when I was with him I thought he was the one and it hurts even more knowing that he has moved on and there is about a 99% to none chance that we will ever get back together.

So how do I forget/ move on?. finally.. I really want to but it seems that no matter what I do I cant... no one knows that I still feel this way. I have considered going to a hypnotherapist but not sure if this will do any good?? Please help :(

Maybe you should see a counselor. I had a break up that took a me about two years. The pain was a lot like losing someone in death. I made the mistake of later getting back with that person and went through the same problems and the same pains later. What got me through it each time was using that pain in something constructive, like focusing my attention on working more hours, or going to college, etc. So that I was too distracted and by the time I had a chance to think I was too tired. In time, you will have grown from it.

You can't forget :) in time it will just not bother you anymore.

But as of now your allowed to feel feelings. Its normal just don't let them stop you from living your life

Go home at night feel sad for a bit then say.. you know what. I'm not going to let this get me down.
Keep telling yourself that

All the best

I know that apparently in time it will get better... but how long? Its been sooo long already and I'm worried that I will never let it go and always feel like this :( I just wish there was something I could do to fast track the process?

You just need to be patient with yourself. It takes time to get over an ex.

Stay as busy as possible to keep your mind occupied. Deleting him from Facebook is a very good first step. Continue to avoid all possible contact.

It takes a different amount of time for everyone. Avoid all possible contact with him and throw away any reminders of him. Pretend as if he doesn't exist. All these suggestions might not speed up the process, but at least it will keep you from prolonging the healing process.

Delete/block his number too. Him texting you even once a month isn't going to help you move on. Even if you don't answer your just giving yourself false hope about moving on.

"Oh, he texted me! I won't answer. Maybe he'll think I moved on... But if he texts me again sometime next week I'll know he's still thinking about me!"

Make like a cow and MOOOOOve on... Lol

Good luck

I I have never been as happy as i was when i was with him i thought he was the one and it hurts even more knowing that he has moved on and there is about a 99% to none chance that we will ever get back together.

(

This statement is your problem , you haven't let go of the thought of maybe getting back with him , as soon as you do that ( and be honest with yourself) the sooner the healing process will start to accelerate.

You guys are sooo right! Thanks so much for your comments.. he text me again this weekend! Ahhhh it was so hard but I didn't reply :))) I think I am starting to feel better slowly..

But yeah it doesn't help that he still texts me... what does he want?? He's seeing someone else can't he go and text her! Lol

you guys are sooo right! thanks so much for your comments.. he txt me again this weekend!! ahhhh it was soo hard but i didnt reply :))) i think i am starting to feel better slowly..

But yeah it doesnt help that he still txts me...what does he want??? he's seeing someone else can't he go and txt her! lol

He's keeping you as his backup in case it doesn't work out with the new girl. Best way to not get caught up in his little game is to ignore him , and don't reply to any of his texts etc.

Jane, it isn't easy to let the past go. However, you have a new relationship that deserves the mental and emotional resources that you are still trying to put into what amounts to a black hole.

Instead of thinking about the ex and why he is doing what he wants think about why you are with the person you are with now. What makes him special? What fun things do you do together? What memories are you making with him?

It won't take away from your memories of your ex if you allow yourself to be fully involved in the new relationship. There is no guilt in letting go of the past.

I don't think he is trying to keep me there in case things don't work out with the girl he's seeing because on the weekend he wanted to meet up with me. Maybe he's not with her anymore I don't know he has always told me that its not serious with them but I don't know if he'e lying..

Anyway I know I shouldn't care and focus on my current boyfriend but I can't help it! I still think about my ex all the time :( I think I'm going to end it with my boyfriend its not fair on him when I'm still having these feelings for my ex.

This doesn't mean I'm going to try and get in touch with my ex or reply to his texts.. but I still can't help but wonder why he's trying to get in touch with me! Ahhh lol

Anyway i know i shouldnt care and focus on my current bf but i can't help it!! I still think about my ex all the time :( i think im going to end it with my bf its not fair on him when i'm still having these feelings for my ex.

This doesnt mean im going to try and get in touch with my ex or reply to his txts..but i still can't help but wonder why he's trying to get in touch with me!! ahhh lol

Sounds like you are making a good decision. If you need more support and advice or just an ear to listen, someone is here. The stickies at the top of the forum and reading other people's stories might help. They can, at least, show you that you aren't alone.

Good luck.

Listen here darling. You are letting your mind play games with you. You can't focus on anything else because you still think in the back of your mind that he still wants you. I believe the victim here is your current boyfriend and he is not getting what he deserves. You need to sit down with him and be honest. Don't just dump him. Let him know that for some reason as much as you try, you still can't stop thinking of your ex and its taking its toll on you. Just as you have false hope, don't put him through the same. Tell him you just don't love him and you won't ever be with him again so that he can fully move on. It may hurt him but you are really doing him a favor.

If you don't want to do this then you better tell that son of a b ex of yours to stop playing games with you and to never text you again. Tell him if your next text isn't going to say "I want to be with you" then you will find it as he doesn't want you and only playing games and that you will change your number. Then change your phone number! This has got to stop for your own sake! This is your life we are talking about! C'mon!!

Its funny how feelings overpower reason! Even though I have reached a new point now I think seeing as I don't reply to him anymore. So I guess that's a start!.

Your right though I think he is playing games! He says its not serious with this girl but then he is seeing her but then he texts me on the weekends wanting to meet up? What does he want? I think he might not even know lol. But anyway no matter what it is I HAVE to let go its been a freakin year this is ridiculous!

He's just sooo beautfiul! I don't know if I could resist him if I saw him I hope I never see him again! Anyway thanks for your comments again.. I know I'm all over the show so confused. And I don't even want to go into issues about my current boyfriend because he has many issues of his own. (which would be another thread altogether) but he does adore me and maybe that's the most important thing?

I just hope one day I can be completely content with somebody and not have ti worry about all this crap!. right now that seems so far away though :(

Soo my ex is offcial with this girl.. I know this because she added me on fb and I didn't accept her as a friend but you can see that it says they are in a relationship.. I deleted him off Facebook ages ago so didn't know this! He has always said its not serious with them what a bastard! I wonder why she added me... I did bump into him last sat night and we were txting a bit after that I shouldn't have I know that now! Omg why do I keep putting myself in this situation... but still why would she add me? I find that kind of strange?

Doesn't matter why she did it so don't overanalyze it , gets you nowhere. Delete and Block her as well.

Facebook is The Devil 25516 when it comes to breakups!!

OK update.. I don't know if I'm getting any better.. Im happy with my new boyfriend and things are going really well with us.. I'm surprised at how quickly I have started to like him and really the only time I don't think about my ex is when I'm with my new boyfriend.

But When I'm alone it comes back again! Grrr my boyfriend has gone away for a few days and its been quite bad. Today has been especially a bad day I've been trying to sleep but when I do I have nightmares about my ex ahhh I'm starting to think there is something seriously wrong with me! I guess it has gotten a bit better with time but that's just it... just a BIT...

I hadn't thought about him for a while and was doing well ( this was a few weeks ago) I remember I was driving somewhere and thought wow I'm doing really well now.. and bam that night he sent me a message and now I'm all confused again :(. What? Can he feel that I'm finally starting to be happy and think OK I need to go screw her up again!

And... he broke up with that girl he was seeing which is not helping with the confusion.. I tell myself (and everyone else) that I'm over it but if I'm really honest in the back of my mind I hope and actually believe that we will get back together one day. How stupid am I..! If only I could get rid of gthe hope.. but how?? Please anyone have any advice?? I don't know what to do with myself today...

Jane, what resources have you given yourself to help take your mind off your ex besides the new boyfriend?

Friends? Hobbies?

I have a very active social life.. meet up with friends everyday. I work, I have hobbies.. None of it helps really maybe I'm just doomed to always feel like this lol

It isn't the memories or that you think about him that is the issue. Those thoughts and feelings will always be a part of you. You wouldn't be the loving caring person that you are if you could just throw them all away. What is the issue is how you feel about the memories and feelings. You have to want to let them fade from conscious thought. You have to give yourself permission to let him go and to allow new thoughts to take priority.

It is one of those life lessons that is easier said than done. I think as your new relationship grows and matures, the old one will fade into background noise with all the other old memories.

I really hope so! Thanks Cat :)

May your future be full of many new happy memories. :)

I relapsed :( I talked to him... he was nice. And now I can't stop thinking about him! Why do I do this to myself? Facebook really is the devil!! I was too curious so accepted his friend request.. didnt see anything too heart breaking lol but now he thinks its OK to talk all the time and I can't take it... got to block him. He'll probably wonder why though hmmm.. he has no idea I'm feeling like this...

No contact, no contact, no contact NOOO CONTACT!! Yes I understand he was being nice (my ex fiancé does the same thing) It doesn't matter- it's a game to him. Don't ever respond again- its really not fair to the guy you're seeing now that you still think of your ex all the time.

The only other thing you could do is send him a text saying to never contact you again because you still have feelings for him and you're trying to get over him. However you're better off just ignoring him from here on out.

Back to square one.

It happens. It's not easy to stick with the no contact rules in the beginning. Now you have to face the consequences of your actions. You're going to be restarting the healing process.

Sometimes it's difficult to fight the urges. Try reading this sticky, especially the responses https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

Fight the urges!

I know... I guess its just accepting that we'll never be together again... I can't seem to do it! No one knows I feel this way but I can't help it...

Its been a year since we broke up! To everyone else I have moved on even he thinks I have.. I mean I have a new boyfriend..

Ok say I block him on Facebook he is overseas at the moment but gets back in a few weeks and I'm sure he will text me at some point.. And even if I don't respond I'm still brought back to square one whenever I hear from him. Because somehow I think that he still cares if he gets in contact... logically I try and convince myself that's not true but the feelings... have a mind of their own lol

This may be very hard to do but you may want to change your phone number. This will end all the confusion and false hopes that you're having.

Jane, it doesn't matter what your ex thinks or does. That is part of your problem. You keep trying to please him even when he isn't in your life. WHY? Why expend your energy on him? Why not put it into your current relationship, hobbies, volunteer work, anything other than keeping his memory alive?

-stop listening to slow & romantic music that reminds you of him,
-let time pass w/o talking to him,
-after many more months of no contact, if you do end up talking to him every now and then, you will notice that each time your feelings for him will not overwhelm you and you can detach from him,
-But mostly, IF A GUY REALLY WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HE WILL PHYSICALLY COME KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR, and since he has not done this yet, don't ever expect it.

Not sure if this question has already been asked (couldn't find it):

I think there's another issue here.

You say you broke up about a year ago and last had any kind of sexual activity with him about 6 months ago.

How long were you both together pre break-up? Are we talking less than one year or more?

What were the reasons for the break-up?

How long was it from the time when you broke up with your ex, before you met your current boyfriend? Are we talking weeks or months?

I too suggest that you change your phonenumber and also remove him from all social networking sites.
You should make that decision and stick to it,however hard it is. Also your present boyfriend seems to be a rebound, which is not fair on him.
It's never a great idea to get into a new relationship until we 've healed completely from the previous one.

You will never 100% forget him, however the memories of your life with him will become more fuzzy as time goes on.

You have a new BF, quit screwing around with your ex and make new memories with this guy!

its been a year since we broke up! to everyone else i have moved on even he thinks i have.. i mean i have a new boyfriend..

Ok say i block him on facebook he is overseas at the moment but gets back in a few weeks and i'm sure he will txt me at some point.. And even if i dont respond im still brought back to square one whenever i hear from him. Because somehow i think that he still cares if he gets in contact....logically i try and convince myself thats not true but the feelings.... have a mind of their own lol

Who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself?

1) Having a new boyfriend doesn't mean you've moved on from your last relationship.

2) If you were really committed to blocking him out of your life, then change your phone number.

If you really wanted to get over him, you would take all necessary measures to accomplish that. The fact that you're keeping some means of communication open means that you still have some false hope.

False hope = Not moved on yet

Ok thanks so much for your replies! :)



Who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself?

1) Having a new boyfriend doesn't mean you've moved on from your last relationship.[/B]

Lol I'm not trying to convince anyone just writing how I feel... obviously I haven't moved on completely hence the thread...

So I deleted and blocked him off Facebook! Been a few days and I feel better a little bit guilty which I don't understant why... hopefully this time the no contact will stick! I have tried it many times before but this time will be the last! I hope! Lol.

I REALLY DO WANT TO MOVE ON...

Why is this sooo hard!! BUT I am starting to like my new boyfriend more and more as time goes on I guess I just need time .

To answer some of your questions the ex and I were together for about a year.. which isn't really very long but I completely fell in love with him like I never have before. The reasons for the break up are mainly because of trust issues I couldn't trust him because of an incident that happened between him and another girl ( he didn't really cheat but it was dodgy) Long story there...

And I have had 2 other boyfriends apart from my current one since me and this particular ex broke up! But I always end up leaving them because they can't make me feel anywhere near the same as my ex did... I don't know why I can't seem to get over this person! :(

It seems you never allowed yourself time to heal after the breakup-if you go from one relationship to another you're rebounding and that's not a good way to get over the hurtful ending of a relationship.
Stay NC this time and good luck.

I have the same problem as you. My ex is in my head 24-7 and has been for the past 8 months. Sometimes I can't take it, I just want to break down and cry. The only difference is that I'm not lucky enough as you to have found a new companion. He sounds like a great guy so do treasure him! Because you don't know what you have until its gone. Forget the ex. There's a reason why things didn't work out for you and you will eventually realize that in the future even though you can't see it now. All the best!

Yeah I guess there is a reason... I could never see it because I believed he was the one. But there would always be little rumours about him doing things and I would try and ignore them but they would drive me crazy! Even though I'm not a jealous person... and whenever I would ask him about it he would deny it and make me think I was the one with the problem. Maybe I was but I don't know it just started sooo good! I can't believe how it ended! I always keep thinking what I could have done different for things not to have ended up like this...

But yeah I do feel as though I am slowly moving on... inch by inch... it has been a long time now. Some days like today I feel like I have... but then tomorrow I could miss him again. Its like I take one step forward but 2 steps back. I want to forget him but then I want to keep his memory... lol. Not sure if that makes sense. But my new boyfriend is great! He is actually very close to perfect... the only thing that scares me is that with me and the ex things started just like this! What if I get hurt again...