I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. We got engaged about 4 years ago. She broke it off with me about 3 years ago only to get back together and both of us to move to Tennessee about 2 years ago. She has just last night told me that she just doesn't feel like she loves me that way anymore. She has some feelings but is not sure if they are strong enough. We live together and don't really have many friends in our new area that we live in. She can't afford to move out and we both work at the same workplace and take the same car to and from work. So yeah, quite a mess! Iam really lost and because she left me before this hurts but am dealing with it. I just thought we had ironed everything out but apparently I was wrong. I need some advise on how to handle the next steps. She has made it pretty clear she doesn't want to try to work it out as she feels that is sort pointless as she doubts her feelings towards me are going to change. She also has told me she would need to get a place of her own but can't afford it right now. I have explained I can't afford even a beater car right now either and would do my best to try to find something. It's just so hard. Iam trying to give her space to think of everything but still living together in a single bedroom apartment... it's going to be so hard.

Really heartbroken, lost, scared, the works.

How old are you two? Is moving back to your hometown not an option? It is going to be very hard to continue to live together and work together if she's made it clear that she doesn't want to work things out. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

Any breakup is tough. You're right, if you can't completely iron all the issues after getting back together the secnod time, then there's no point trying again as things will only blow up again. Furthermore, feelings change, people change. It's inevitable, all you can do is respect her wishes.

If you've tried everything you can to get back together, but she still doesn't want it to happen, then your first priority is to consider every possible option to move out. Living in the same house will only prolong your pain and suffering.

How old are you two? Is moving back to your hometown not an option? It is going to be very hard to continue to live together and work together if she's made it clear that she doesn't want to work things out. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

Iam 36 she is 23 so yes I already know a bit of an age difference. It has never been an issue and I honestly don't think it is now either.

Moving back right now is not an option as I an have outstanding car loan for another year and a half. I know what you mean... it's going to be very VERY hard. It's weird, on one hand she says she doesn't want to work it out but on the other hand says she can't afford to move out either? Talk about putting me in a really bad spot.

That's a tough situation to be in. In my opinion age is just a number. I guess I was asking more or less to see if moving back in with the parents is an option. Could she move back in with her parents? I could see not being able to afford getting her own place, but this living situation isn't going to be good for either one of you.

It's weird, on one hand she says she doesn't want to work it out but on the other hand says she can't afford to move out either? Talk about putting me in a really bad spot.


Yes, it definitely puts you in a bind. Could she be using you at this point, since she cannot afford to live on her own?

I know you deeply care for her, but if she is done with the relationship, living together will make it near impossible for you to move on.

That means you started when you were 29 and she was 17. That's a huge age gap in the beginning. There's a huge chance she didn't know what she wanted in life yet and now she starting to figure that out. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Furthermore, if she's only 23, then chances are she's not in a very stable financial situation.

If you've broken up, then you don't have any more responsibility towards her. She'll have to figure out her finances without your support.

Again, your sympathy towards her and allowing her to live with you will only prolong the recovery progress and make you suffer more. It's your choice how you want to proceed.

Any breakup is tough. You're right, if you can't completely iron all the issues after getting back together the secnod time, then there's no point trying again as things will only blow up again. Furthermore, feelings change, people change. It's inevitable, all you can do is respect her wishes.

If you've tried everything you can to get back together, but she still doesn't want it to happen, then your first priority is to consider every possible option to move out. Living in the same house will only prolong your pain and suffering.

I totally agree and understand that fully from the first time this happened. Just having to see her occasionally would hurt. It's funny how this is no problem for her since she was the one doing the breaking up. No big deal at least she don't show anything. That don't help matters either. I don't know I don't want it to turn ugly but why do I feel Iam going to end up forcing her out?


Plus, my emotions right now are all over the place.

Whose name is on the apt?

This is a part of break ups. It sucks, but one of you is going to have to go. When this happens, it is inevitable. While we all like to avoid the confrontation, the reality of the situation is that when a couple breaks up, not only does it involve their emotional feelings but it effects their physical environment. While I can understand you caring for her, this right now is about you and how you handle this. You have to do what is best for you, and at times that may put others in a tough spot, but that is life man. It is what it is. Along with break ups come hard choices that have to happen. No avoiding it.

I dunno I don't want it to turn ugly but why do I feel I am going to end up forcing her out?

You have to weigh the pros and cons here. Keeping her around will only make you live in misery and to the confusion because it will constantly give you false hope. You're going to have such a difficult time moving on with your life.

Forcing her out is a very tough move, but it's in your best interest. As for her, again, it's her responsibility to get her finances in order, not yours. Furthermore, it would be selfish of her to continue to be your roommate, because she should know that it will make you suffer even longer.

Forcing her out is a very tough move, but it's in your best interest. As for her, again, it's her responsibility to get her finances in order, not yours. Furthermore, it would be selfish of her to continue to be your roommate, because she should know that it will make you suffer even longer.

100% agree and that was what I was getting at. She broke up with you and you don't owe her anything. She needs to be responsible for herself now. She can't expect you to let her live with you just because she can't afford to move out. That's her problem. Not yours.

Whose name is on the apt?

All in my name I think I'll be moving to one across the way though... minimal move and won't cost much... just far to many memories at this place Iam (we are) at.

I understand everybody and thanks for the replies. I just have to build enough composure to push this along cause your all so very right... I can see this being agonizing day in and day out. I quite honestly don't even want to look at her face and probably won't right now. I'll try to avoid her as much as I can during this far difficult time.

I'll keep posting as just talking to people and getting responses helps. I just don't have anyone really to talk to around here.

Post as often as you need to.
Breakups are tough.You re doing the right thing and you will get over this. All the best to you.

Your situation is quite tough, but it is her that needs to move out not you even though there is memory, they fade away. It's a drastic measure to move out because of old memories and you are letting her get the weaker part of you. Memories are memories, you should most probably give her a deadline and you need to move on with your life already.

Your situation is quite tough, but it is her that needs to move out not you even though there is memory, they fade away. It's a drastic measure to move out because of old memories and you are letting her get the weaker part of you. Memories are memories, you should most probably give her a deadline and you need to move on with your life already.

Thanks I know I do need to give her a deadline. I actually have affairs that I need to get in order myself. I have to either repair my car or try to afford another one as when mine died last month we went out and she purchased our car mostly. I only could pitch in like 100 bucks. So the car is right now hers. That to me is the biggest priority for me right now. This so that I can get to and from work. Once that has been resolved, I will move out of my apartment which was with her and was a 2 bedroom. I'll move across the compex to a single bedroom. This way I think it will help cleanse me and give me closure to the whole thing. Just like I was starting over again. Like I said the me moving out is really not necessary but at the same time is. It definitely will help and be cheaper so that I won't be struggling (as she helped pay for some of the bills) plus like I said... the memories of this apartment. Our first together and we both decorated it etc. etc. Just for me a lot to overlook.

Hope this all makes sense... The biggest issue is the deadline. I can't go cutting her out too quickly as like I said, I do still use and need the transportation to work. She at the same time literally has nowhere to go. I know its not healthy for either of us and yes does make it tough to move on and has false hope written all over it. I just can't put myself to put her out on the street. I have to keep in mind she is a human being.

That's actually very noble from your part. One day you'll look back with pride at what you actually did. It is in your full right to kick her out of the door but you didn't and that take guts.

Once you move out, and the sooner the better, you'll need to take care of yourself and do the things you want. It is very enjoyable once you realized that the break up is not the end of the world.

For now, you can start the healing process even if she is here. It won't be easy but it will give you a kick start. First off, you'll need to go to the gym much more often, probably everyday. Secondly you'll need to be more sociable and connect with more people. Try to get out as much as possible without drinking. Just go and enjoy life. Plan a hike alone or with friends, plan a trip...

When she will be gone, things will become much more easier but start from now.

That's actually very noble from your part. One day you'll look back with pride at what you actually did. It is in your full right to kick her out of the door but you didn't and that take guts.

Once you move out, and the sooner the better, you'll need to take care of yourself and do the things you want. It is very enjoyable once you realized that the break up is not the end of the world.

For now, you can start the healing process even if she is here. It won't be easy but it will give you a kick start. First off, you'll need to go to the gym much more often, probably everyday. Secondly you'll need to be more sociable and connect with more people. Try to get out as much as possible without drinking. Just go and enjoy life. Plan a hike alone or with friends, plan a trip...

When she will be gone, things will become much more easier but start from now.

Thanks! I do understand and your right no drinking. That's really not a problem as I quit that 3 years ago cause of a health condition but I do understand where your coming from. I plan on doing exactly what your talking about. I need to focus on me and get back to what makes me happy.

Yep! And believe me life as a single has a LOT of advantage, one of which is able to find your own way and to follow your own dream. I'm actually good looking and a lot of girls are making advances to me, but I'm mostly rejecting them because I feel so great alone. I was becoming distant with my family and friends, and now I have gained much more with the breakup and grown closer to everybody.

It's something to look ahead while you are starting to work on yourself. And yes drinking, drugs or rebounds can make you feel better for a little while but won't help you in the long term.

Yep! And believe me life as a single has a LOT of advantage, one of which is able to find your own way and to follow your own dream. I'm actually good looking and a lot of girls are making advances to me, but I'm mostly rejecting them because I feel so great alone. I was becoming distant with my family and friends, and now I have gained much more with the breakup and grown closer to everybody.

It's something to look ahead while you are starting to work on yourself. And yes drinking, drugs or rebounds can make you feel better for a little while but won't help you in the long term.

Thanks Paxe, can I ask you how do I go about the feeling inside. The losing the girl feeling and the need to want to be close to someone. I don't want a rebound but know that is exactly what would be in store as soon as she is gone. Iam a very emotional type of person that loves to feel the love and support from another one. It's all I have known for basically the last 7 years. Iam 36 years old right now and really would like to meet the right girl and settle down to start a family but at the same time I will fully admit I never really dated much and have only had a handful of girlfriends and only one that I have ever been in a long term relationship. I didn't actually really start to date until I was in my mid twenties and this girl who is wanting to leave me has really been all that I have known. For me it's like I have 3 very large problems. I have become emotionally attached to her, but yet deep down inside know it's been wrong for a little while now in how she has been treating me. I also seem to get very emotionally attached to girls and love to know that I am liked and or loved. I don't enjoy really being alone, I have always been looking for another, more then likely just because when I was a lot younger I was made fun of a lot and that really scarred my self-esteem. It wasn't until I got into my mid twenties before my attitude changed as I began to hang out with my younger cousin who just had this glo to him that shined upon me and brought me out of the shell I was living in. I know it brought out a side of me I never really knew existed, as I began having done really nothing, to attract girls left and right. It was 100% in my body language and attitude. I simply was a fun person. One that people looked up to and I enjoyed being that person so very much. My younger cousin unfortunately was severely injured in a car accident about 4 years ago and when that happened I think deep down inside I lost the glo that he had turned on in my personality. I took it really hard as I thought of him more as a best friend and brother then as my cousin. My other and final issue is the whole living alone thing. I have never done it and don't have any family or friends where Iam at. In fact Iam in Tennessee and they are all up north in Massachusetts. So a great distance indeed. I feel so very alone as I moved down here to be with my girl and did this for a job opportunity. I would love to move back up north and be closer to the ones I love right now, but I don't know if this is just a gut reaction cause I just don't want to be alone. I remember when I was up there, and I was single from the first time my girl broke it off with me, all I wanted was to get a place of my own. Again I don't know if that was just a gut reaction cause she had left me and I wanted to prove something to her and to myself that I could move out of my parents place or not... Man typing this I just feel like I have so many issues. It's 2am right now and I just can't sleep... it's so like the U2 song... "with or without you" I keep playing it over and over again in my head. I just can't live with her cause of the way she feels toward me and I know that... but yet I can't live without her right now in the state Iam in. I know I have to get back to loving myself first and that is a critical step... it just feels like Iam hanging over the edge of a mountain right now and I am just looking for someone to show me their hand to help pull me up. I don't know if that is something I should be trying to look for and accept or if I should be trying somehow different to pull myself up. It's like all my strength is gone... I just don't have any one. Do you think it would be good for me to take a mini vacation and try to somehow get myself up north to visit my family? I know I still have all this stuff lingering down here right now... the car, her still living in my place etc. It's just sooooo hard to deal with it right now.

All the emotions you re going through are normal and you only split up a short while ago so you re on you're bound to feel this way for some time-we all do.
Read the newly started thread about rebounds for some advice on finding a new love interest too soon.
Yes going to stay with family and friends is a good idea.
Good luck

Look man,
I really understand your pain and all the questions you are asking yourself is normal. Believe me or not, I probably was in a worse situation when my ex broke out, it was utter shock and thought of killing myself. And I had countless night where I was awake. Nothing is set in stone, you can do whatever you want. If you feel you are lonely, then make the first move, talk to people, random people, be more energetic, be more friendly. People are shy by nature so they will actually love it. Invite people out, join a group or an activity. Do the things you wanted to do for a long time.
yes losing a girl is heartbreaking but then you realize that life has a lot to offer instead of girls. I strongly suggest you go and see family and friends and don't be scared of opening up. BELIEVE ME, life is great is you choose which path to follow.

Also don't listen to keithbrown it seems he only wants to sell something.

Well man today's been up and it's been down... I have really been trying hard to stay busy. It just particularly hard to deal with the whole living with each other thing just like nothing ever happened. She went out today and got her nails done then called me to tell me she was on her way back and that she was going to pick us up some dinner on the way home. I didn't say much just said fine and that was all. She came home and left it on the stove, I ate a little that I could muster up but just isn't hungry these days... the dog was acting up and I hear her say... dear you should just keep the door closed so he don't get into mischief... so that felt pretty awkward... I don't know I struggle through the day with no contact to her or very limited contact but then when we get home she basically just goes into the same ritual that we always have done together and I think that is what hurts the most... I really want to move on cause I know what's ahead for me and just want to get it over and done with, but at the same time know Iam going to miss her like hell when she is gone so am telling myself to basically cherish and treat her like a friend for the very limited time I have left with her. I know the rule... trust me I do... the whole NO CONTACT thing... but Iam not going to try to win her back or anything... I know that would just be disastrous cause she already has broken my heart twice now. It's just soooo difficult living like this, would have been so much easier if it was just a clean break and even if there was anger or something involved. I don't know Iam just bouncing around with emotions. I love her, hate this, want my life back, want to move on but at the same time would give anything to get back to where we were. So very confusing... all the while she remains completely neutral not showing one single emotion just like before... for me... from what I can recall I have never been on that end of the stick before.. to know someone very greatly loved me and I did not love them back at all therefore breaking us up. I don't know if I could handle that burden cause I just have such a big heart.

I just really would like these next couple of weeks to fly by so that I can begin the healing process... It's like this hand of cards I have been dealt is still being played out and I can't get another hand until it is completely gone. Believe me it's not like Iam trying to progress things along. I got my loan today so that I can afford another car and with the extra money I'll be able to move out and hopefully leave this all behind me and make a better life for me. It just feels like everything is taking too long... I don't know it's just so hard to keep busy. I think me typing and getting my feelings out helps and occupies some of my time.

Keep posting here on this site, it will help you vent a bit and it seems you need it. Your situation is very hard but in 2-3 weeks you'll be able to live a much nicer life. You are doing a VERY noble thing (not kicking her out, while you are in tremendous pain) and it is very heartwarming to see people like you.

Are you training every day? It's very important, it will give you the confidence you need. Most importantly, you need to keep yourself busy but whatever mean necessary and the pain will go down day by day.

Just don't crack up, keep it up and stay focused. Soon enough you will be able to live a much fuller life.

The good news is you are in the right place, as these guys, and gals know how you feel, and know what you need, because they have been there too. If you hang in there they will help you through this, just hang around no matter how though it gets. We are only a mouse click away.

Good guys never finish last, and you're a really good guy.

Well today's not been so well. Unfortunately I think yesterday seemed to oddly be so much better and easier. I can barely move off the couch today. I have no appetite, feel sick to my stomach. I can't stop thinking about the past, am blaming myself pretty badly and beating myself up. I know all of this is not good. I know I need to stay focused and try to keep busy but again I feel like I can barely move right now. I been up since 4:30 so have only had a few hours sleep. I had a bad dream about her that really didn't help. I dreamt that she moved to Florida after our breakup and met up with a best friend of hers up north. This friend I always thought was trouble for her. Anyway had a dream that she then showed up at my apartment one day acting like she sincerely wanted back into my life. She then while we were sitting on my bed told me that she was actually pregnant with a guy she hooked up with while in Florida and was confused and didn't know who to turn to so she new I would be there for her. I blew up trashed my apartment. Broke a lot of things. Was very very angry and mad. Showed strength I did't know I had cause of the things I broke. I just basically was so enraged that no physical pain could even come close to the emotional pain I was feeling inside. I think this whole dream cause it seemed so real was just a depiction of what my mind is going through. Just telling me that subconsciencely I do still care greatly about her and can't stand the thought of her being with another guy and then getting pregnant cause we had been trying over the last year without success. She originally wanted kids before she had a change of heart back about 2 months ago.

I don't know I do agree this site helps me vent. I just don't know how to move on really. Everything I see and everything I do does nothing but remind me of her. I blame my corvette thinking I was spending too much time on it and spending too much money on it, instead of focusing on us. I know she mentioned it more then a couple times that she didn't like it and stupid me never took any of those flags seriously. I also keep thinking back of the stupid things I thought and felt. I remember she once asked me if we had to and ran into a difficult situation would I sell the car in order for us to be OK. I just wouln't deal with the question and answered no and that I would find a way to keep it and that we would be OK. Iam sure that must of made her feel great! I put a damn car before her. What is worst is that I did it quite a few times. I quite honestly now looking back, don't know why. I guess I thought I could have both and be happy. I don't know maybe if I still can? I just don't like the person I have become thinking back to that. I think my car and my corvette hobby might have gotten out of control and began to consume me. Every day I would think of new ways to want to modify it and looked forward to going to car shows to show it cause I would get attention. I think this is where I went wrong, trying to use the car to get the attention that I was craving from her. But instead of putting her first and doing things with her to make us strong. I deflected the situation and turned to my corvette hobby. Again I know Iam beating myself up... Iam just terified right now. I don't want to become a bad person and end up with no one cause of bad habits I may have adopted. I also am having a real hard time right now cause I think it is really starting to set in that this is over and there is no chance down the road at getting back together like there was the first time. The first time I had a lot of hope and think I kept that in the back of my head that we were strong and that she would eventually come back to me once she realized that leaving me was a mistake. This time that won't be happening. I mean who would get back together with a person the broke off an engagement twice? So yeah that is really hitting home. The whole situation is just attacking me from every possible angle. I want to keep my car but am afraid that it might be a bad drug that may bring on the best and the worst in me. So I am lost there in what to do. Iam also afraid of the situation Iam in being here in an unfamilar place with nobody but myself. I almost wish I could just pack up and go back home. I know though that pretty much wherever Iam Iam going to miss her like crazy right now and can't make any decisions like this. Iam just sooooo lost and don't know what to do. I know what I have to or should do, but just can't. All the 2 of us ever talked about since we moved down here was how bad it was back up north with not really having much to do there and that jobs were scarce. I had friends up there and talk to them over the phone and it helps to a degree. I just know how much what I want out of life but myself esteem right now is so low to go after it. I want to settle down and start a family but don't know where to go or who to turn to, to try to start to at least just chat with people to attempt to get some self worth back. I have been on a few chat rooms but to be honest there only seems to be bots in those things or fat people or people with worst issues that I have right now. Iam sorry and I don't mean to offend anyone for the fat people comment... I just trying to be honest, as my girl was very thing at 105lbs and that just seems to be the body type I go for, thin and petite. I know it's way too early to get back out there, but I guess Iam just trying to find people I find attractive talk to me to tell me it's going to be OK and that hopefully might start to bring some self esteem back into me cause I don't value the opinion really from someone that I don't find attractive if that makes any sense. I guess it all boils down to that I feel sort of... well Iam out of their league or don't belong in that type of league. Don't get me wrong and I hope Iam not coming off teriribly shallow... I don't think Iam no tall dark and handsome guy but Iam not overweight, I try to take care of myself and don't consider myself ugly. So with that I feel Iam just looking for chatting with someone from my own league as I think that would give me a boost knowing that I still have what it takes to be able to meet another girl that meets my criteria.

Also now that I am thinking about it. I do have one other problem in that the girls I find attractive I think I end up falling short of theirs and although they may perfectly find me wicked attractive I end up sabataging the date or relationship and it ends cause my insecurites kick in thinking why would they want to be with or stay with me?

Everything you describe yourself going through in your latest post is true to pattern in the situation you re in. And its OK to feel really low some days-dont beat yourself up-dont blame yourself for being human and making mistakes , we all do and it takes two to tango and all that jazz. Going away for a break and staying with people who care for us helps even if we can't run away from ourselves. Try to eat and sleep its tough the first couple of days are hard but it gets better trust me. Its far too early to start dating I think you know that.Its better to go out and talk to real people than chatting online- even if its only a quick conversation in a shop.

Hey xneedshelp- I feel for you man. I was also recently engaged and my fiancé dumped me 2 weeks before our big engagement party so I was stunned. Never thought she would actually get rid of me and move on so quick. I just read your last post and you sound like me- beating yourself up over things. I don't think you working on your corvette is what really pushed her away so don't think about that. If she really loved you she would try to work it out. My ex and her 2 best friends all dumped us guys within a 1 month period and just like your fiancé they said they're not in love anymore. I think younger girls expect everything to be like how it is in the beginning and when things get routine or boring and the sex isn't all the time like it is early on they lose interest. Don't worry about your bad days- its been 2 months almost for me and I still have a lot of bad days where I don't want to get out of bed so you're not alone. Hang in there and good luck to you

hey xneedshelp- I feel for you man. I was also recently engaged and my fiance dumped me 2 weeks before our big engagement party so I was stunned. Never thought she would actually get rid of me and move on so quick. I just read your last post and you sound like me- beating yourself up over things. I dont think you working on your corvette is what really pushed her away so dont think about that. If she really loved you she would try to work it out. My ex and her 2 best friends all dumped us guys within a 1 month period and just like your fiance they said they're not in love anymore. I think younger girls expect everything to be like how it is in the beginning and when things get routine or boring and the sex isnt all the time like it is early on they lose interest. Dont worry about your bad days- its been 2 months almost for me and I still have a lot of bad days where I dont wanna get out of bed so you're not alone. Hang in there and good luck to you

Thanks man... it helps talking to others. I wish you happy times in the near future as well. Who knows wouldn't it be funny if we met the loves of our lives and eventually get married only to find out our wives are best friends and within the wedding party lol... that would be just freaky karma.

thanks man....it helps talking to others. I wish you happy times in the near future as well. Who knows wouldn't it be funny if we met the loves of our lives and eventually get married only to find out our wives are best friends and within the wedding party lol....that would be just freaky karma.

Yea I know that would be crazy... I don't know about you but people say to move on like its so easy but its very hard when there's so many things that remind you of the ex ( I still have hunderds of pics/videos of us on my computer that I won't get rid of) Does your ex ever try contacting you still? Mine does like once a week out of guilt... just like a "hey, how are you doing" kind of thing.

yea I know that would be crazy....I dont know about you but people say to move on like its so easy but its very hard when theres so many things that remind you of the ex ( I still have hundreds of pics/videos of us on my computer that I wont get rid of) Does your ex ever try contacting you still? Mine does like once a week out of guilt...just like a "hey, how are you doing" kinda thing.

Iam sure that is yet to come I live with this pain every day right now... It's only been a few days so I know this is part of the worst time or should be. The problem is it's literally sucking me dry right now. Cause I just can't let her go. My whole life revolved around her and I feel right now like it was more my fault then hers. I just didn't do some key things I should have... I screwed up. I made some mistakes. She is still living with me and I see her everyday. Nothing here has really changed except I have to treat her as just a friend. No more taking showers together, no more seeing the other nude, no more cuddling, nothing that friends wouldn't do. I have some severe issues I think. I know it, she knows it. I just grow way to attached to her. I'll be honest and I know this is a big no no but I can't sleep without her at least on the other side of the bed right now. I just can't do it. I tried the first night we separated... nothing, not a wink... just memory after memory would flash in front of my eyes. At least when I am in the same room with her and laying in the same big bed... (she stays on the far side left and I to the right... no contact), at least when I get that much I can sleep for a few hours... it's better then nothing right now.

I don't know if Iam doing this to myself or what... but Iam just not sure enough I can handle the next step which is complete no contact from her once she moves out. I can't even fall back onto a "well she might come back to me" type of deal... cause I know we have been down this road before. The results were the same... I get too comfortable into the situation and she seems to lose interest and the whole thing just blows apart.

I know its only been a few days and I have forced myself to while in her presence to try to not just sit around with her doing what we use to. I have been packing, going on on small little trips to just anywhere (I don't leave long... only like under an hour or something). I still in my subconscious know she is still a part of my life right now... even if it is just as a friend. Iam afraid in the future for 2 things... one she won't even be that anymore... not even a friend and 2 that I'll never see her again.

I think though perhaps just out of curiosity's sake just like you said... she might after a half a year or so call me just to check in and see how Iam doing. I wouldn't say out of guilt but that out of a deep sort of love. She said she still cares and will always have a place in her heart for me, just felt it would never be enough. I don't know this is just far to hard then I can ever describe or imagine... I thought it would have been easier this second time around cause I went through it before with her... but I honestly feel this time seems worst cause I have no backup "well I left the door open for her and she might come back" type of thought in the back of my head. I almost know this is also more a comfort zone type of reaction as well cause I did fall into that zone with her. I had nothing to hide and we knew all of each others flaws.

Another big piece of this that until now I haven't really even mentioned is that I have Hep C (which in case you don't know is a virus that attacks the liver). Because of this I think it makes myself esteem far far less and could also possibly be why this is making things so much harder for me. I just feel like damaged goods and what person is going to want to be with me. I never intended to get it or want it... nor do I even know how I got it. The doctors think it my have been because of a dentist that just didn't follow safe practices or possibly from a hernia operation I had done back in 95. They really don't know though cause you can't tell how you get hep c. Only know that you have had it, and can have had it for a very long time before symptoms even show up... 20-30 years even. The only way you can get it is via blood and very rarely through sex (if the 2 people exchange blood). So because I have never had a tattoo before and I have never done drugs the 2 most popular ways to get hep c, the doctors have pretty much said, yeah sounds like a dentist or your operation.

I told her that I found this out when we had just got back together cause I knew while we were apart she had slept with a handful of other guys and that made me nervous. I got tested for everything and that is when they discovered this. When I told her, she really didn't care at all, she was back in my life and that is what she wanted. So I guess that is good that I can view that as a positive knowing that someone may overlook that major flaw in me, but at the same time know that she had been with me before I knew I had this, so there was memories and love there before.

I don't know... honestly don't Iam still just feeling really bad about myself and I know I have to love myself before I can even think of trying to love someone else. I have an appt with my doctor on the 12th if I can hold out that long, going to tell him to prescribe me something for anxiety and depression and see if I can't possibly go to a therapist or something cause I need some kind of help. I know that. I don't have any suicidal tendencies or stupid stuff like that... I just feel alone and lost in the world with no future in my mind. Everything seems like I have no control over it and I want to. I know I should let go of that feeling and just roll with it and be happy I can enjoy life. I remember that person I use to be back a long time ago when I first met my ex. She was very young and I was to. I didn't have a care in the world, nothing could really phase me, I had some good amount of self esteem too. Now all completely gone.

I still dream of my girl and when I wake up it's like the dream turns into a bad dream cause I realize that she might be right there but in her heart... she has already moved on. It is a bit weird though cause over the past couple of days... nothing for her has changed? She still does her same routine. She still acts nice to me. She has gotten dinner that last couple of nights and asked if I wanted anything as well. She has paid for that herself. I don't know if that is just her being nice or out of guilt cause she knows as well as I hide it... how much paid and torture this is for me right now.

It's only 2am right now and I just can't sleep and have that empty sour bottomless pit in my stomach feeling.

Time has begun to stand still for me for the few days since I received the news.

It seems only me sharing these feelings and thoughts and writing these books on here seems to help me just "get it all out". But at the same time, I still only feel good enough while focusing on typing it out... once Iam done... I start feeling bad again.

I don't know... just need a friend right now.

We're all here for you buddy.


Just keep yourself occupied. Find who you were before the relationship started. What things were you interested in, etc. Set goals. But the best help you can get is time. It's hard right now because you still live with her. But you have to do all that you can to see her as little as possible. And when it finally gets to the point where she's no where in your life, force yourself to keep it that way.

Most of the people here have experienced your pain, your hell fire. Be on the right path, head forward and don't turn back for extra pain. Take one step at a time, day by day. That's what u need.. slowly, and heal as fast as you can. Won't be any magic pills to heal, Only the right potion to cure in the shortest term. Stay here, where with love is.

We shares, shared and is sharing with u!

Hey do you have AIM or Yahoo IM? It might be easier to talk on there since were going through the same sh**

hey do you have AIM or Yahoo IM? It might be easier to talk on there since were going thru the same sh**

Yeah I do... aim: xtremevette
Messanger: xtremevette3

Haven't really been using them over the years but never got rid of them

Ok so I am back guys and gals... Iam doing today a little better and hoping that from here on I continue. Iam trying hard to overcome my anxiety's and have taken action to try to help out more with that. Going to the doctors on the 12th. (Thats the earliest he could see me). I won't lie I have been going through royal hell. Each hours seems to be a different mode with me. Iam constantly hot and cold, have terribly sweaty palms, can't concentrate on a single thought etc. I could go on an on but sure you all get the picture. For tonight's lesson I would like some serious advice on this (would prefer a females point of view but anyone that has been through this should feel what Iam about to say). I don't understand and am confused by all her actions.

1. She breaks up with me but wants to stay friends and have things remain the same. (even though she asked me what did I want... she knew cause I felt so deeply about her that I would never throw her out)
2. I try to stay away from her mostly staying in another room for most parts of the day having very little contact with her and she comes down and is like "ya know you don't have to hide down here" I basically say, yes I know that" then let it go....course I go back down to the room she is in about a half hour later cause now Iam feeling like iam being rude.
3. She seems to know she has the power right now in controlling everything in the situation and knows it. I of course don't quite understand how another human being that supposedly loved that person or whom wants to be friends with that person could do/act such a way and not feel guilty. Please keep in mind I have been doing much better I keep this all inside and try to act as calm about everything and like nothing is wrong. I was very bad off at first and unfortunately she caught me in the other room a couple of times by myself sobbing. I could not help that at the time.

So I know what I must do, I do, Iam trying as hard as I can to get another car as quickly as I can so that Iam not dependent on her and can't get that thrown in my face. After that it is like quickly finding a place to move and then telling her to do the same. Something is telling me she aint fearing this transition at all cause she feels I still love her to death and would drop at a dime to assist her any way I could.

So folks the moral to my story and a lot of others I have read tonight..... "what is up with chick's taking advantage over guys that care for them so deeply!? " I mean I can understand an ego or power trip from it, but seriously where is the common decency? I guess I just have a heart to good and some people see things differently.

I do love her and probably always will to some degree... just don't know why she would treat me like this, I mean yes she is still very young but I mean come on?? Your telling me after a 7 yr long relationship that she feels nothing and I should feel the same way and just stop all forms of affection toward her instantly?? I don't know, funny thing is now that she has said those 2 words... break up, she has been super nice and laughs at my jokes, etc etc. Just no physical contact. She hasn't tried doing anything new either... it's been the same routine still. She has not tried to contact another guy or anything and doesn't go out... just doesn't want any physical contact with me... Just very confusing. I just keep telling myself over and over again cause of the situation Iam in... Easy buddy, one step at a time, get the car, then move out, then things will begin to make sense. I have to stay true to myself... and that IAM the only thing that matters. I must take care of ME. Nothing else matters, no matter what she says or does... got to just get through this.

Thanks for another night of reading my saga... Iam sure it will have another chapter soon.

Your situation isn't easy buddy especially after 7 years, I feel for you. Don't despair you'll hopefully be able to get out of that mess and take the necessary time to take care of yourself. Keep posting here.

Join the gym and keep yourself busy going out. Go to the movies even alone... it helps! I am going through a break up as well and its been about 3 weeks. I am hanging in there. Just try to stay out of the house. Go to the gym a lot. That will give you a huge self esteem boost. Believe me. Take control of your mind. I just came back from a vacation with my ex and had the greatest memories just to find out a month later she is giving up. It takes two to tangle. You will find the right one soon. Just relax and breathe... You will be fine and you know that deep down.

1. That's what she wants, at least for the time being, not you. You're right, u know that she's on control and you ALLOWED IT by not acting upon it.

2. You're not hiding, you're getting her out of your life!

3. That is not friendship, a relationship cannot be SHIFTED into a friendship. There's no scientific formula behind her behaviour and thoughts, Its normal for the dumper to say so, she's softening the blow, and perhaps a relief of guilt. Eg. U dislike something so bad that u kicked it and broke it, then u feel guilty. But in the end it doesn't mean that you want to like that whatever it would be.

Hope this helps you..

1. That's what she wants, at least for the time being, not you. You're right, u know that she's on control and you ALLOWED IT by not acting upon it.

2. You're not hiding, you're getting her out of your life!

3. That is not friendship, a relationship cannot be SHIFTED into a friendship. There's no scientific formula behind her behaviour and thoughts, Its normal for the dumper to say so, she's softening the blow, and perhaps a relief of guilt. Eg. U dislike something so bad that u kicked it and broke it, then u feel guilty. But in the end it doesn't mean that you want to like that whatever it would be.

Hope this helps you..

This is sad. A 38 years old man like you didn't realize what she was doing?

You've just fallen into her trap. This is what makes woman really strong. Those types of woman can even make their men to get down on her knee. Seems like she's really dominating somehow. You sounds like a 20-25 years old. Really this is confusing. Just find someone at your age. Maybe they'll understand you more. As for this girl, she maybe realized sth. You still try though, no one will prevent you from doing that. But it's on your own risk.

Good luck

Ok so after a little while Iam back with a little more venting to do... guess this could be called the confusing "phase"

First off I have tried to do the "no contact" thing the best I can. If has only been working a little bit. She usually tries to find ways around it or makes me feel guilty. Case in point... I won't contact her all day long. I have to see her at night cause we still live together. During that time, we cook and eat dinner together. I then usually try to break away and go find something to do. Usually when that happens... I get the traditional... "oh Iam not good enough to be around? hmmmm...ok I see how it is" or the "ok sure go find something to do like you do always and ignore and don't be around me"... I think the picture is pretty well painted... In addition she went out on Saturday to go to a co-workers house for a little get-together. It was only like 3 of them and no big deal thing at all. INSTEAD of telling me that... she originally tells me after I get home on Friday that she is going out Saturday night to go to a party and won't be coming back till Sunday cause she is going to be drinking and does not want to drink and drive. I handled that... so so. To be completely honest... more the non so so part. I did get mad cause of the way she said it... and told her flat out I felt it was rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful seeing we had only been broken up a couple of weeks and that she still lived with me. She countered what I said by saying... fine if you have such a problem with it... I just won't go. I re-grouped and said... no no... please go. Sorry I shouldn't have reacted that way, you just caught me off guard. She ended up going and came home first thing at like 8 in the morning Sunday not feeling very good at all. I knew in the back of my head, alcohol was no solution to a break up... (been there done that) but she had to learn that on her own.

Anyway fast forward to today... she seems to be up and down as Iam over the whole thing. We both have our good days and our bad days. Bottom line is Iam trying hard to leave my emotions out of it now and just move/press on and focus on me. Seems to me every time I do this and appear happy or content with myself... if turns her to be more curious or depressed with herself. It's almost like the opposite theory... if Iam sad and upset, she'll be happy and vice versa.

I don't know, I am definitely older then her both in age and in maturity cause I just don't like doing the whole "games" thingy. She apparently does or just is so confused right now at what she honestly wants. It's just so weird, especially cause we are not even up to that "no contact" rule yet, due to the fact we still live together and know that we both care for one another to one degree or the other.

On a positive side, I believe I found a car and should be able to purchase it by sometime next week. Again I was definitely overjoyed... she was not too happy about that. I think partly cause it was a car that she also liked and that because by me now having a car, I won't be dependent upon her for a ride... so one more step closer to the all-out breakup which my gut is telling me she is starting to realize is closing in. She still has not even packed one single thing of hers. I honestly don't know why. Could be she is waiting for me to say the final word of "ok you have to go" to make her feel better that I kicked her out? I honestly don't know. Like I mentioned above though, she has during the last couple of weeks after she broke it off, told me more then a few times that she enjoys my company... even to just sit with her in the living room and watch TV. Not sure if she feels I won't actually move and force her out or what? Or is she using this time to attempt to find that spark she felt went out but now might be second guessing... again... don't know... women are just soooooo confusing!

First off, you're one of the nicest guy I ever know. Secondly, if she tries to make you feel bad for doing your own business, tell her you have no obligation to stay with her since you are not dating each other.

She probably doesn't realise yet that she is in a break up and you seem to handle the situation very well. All you need is to leave the apartment and go NC on her. Also try to get out as much as possible, try to expand your social circle, join an activity, be more friendly to people, that will help you a lot. Don't forget to train a lot also.

First off, you're one of the nicest guy I ever know. Secondly, if she tries to make you feel bad for doing your own business, tell her you have no obligation to stay with her since you are not dating each other.

She probably doesn't realise yet that she is in a break up and you seem to handle the situation very well. All you need is to leave the appartment and go NC on her. Also try to get out as much as possible, try to expand your social circle, join an activity, be more friendly to people, that will help you a lot. Don't forget to train a lot also.

Thanks! Let me just say it really REALLY has not been very easy. My biggest problem Iam realizing is not her at all... IT'S ME... I have just been so relying on her for so long I honestly have lost myself. I don't have many friends at all. The ones I do have live very far away. We talk on the phone and that helps somewhat... but I have nobody to fall back to right now. This is what I really need. Some friends close by. Got none. My own fault... I should have tried harder when we moved to this new area, but hey life is what it is. This is where she is a notch up on me and Iam pretty sure she knows it. She has co-workers that she has made friends with. She has a support group to run too (which she does pretty much every day) cause she works with these people. My other big problem is self-esteem and meeting people. Iam not very good at all. Been out of the game a while now and feeling really confused, mixed up, etc. It's like I would like to get myself back out there but it's just really tough right now. She on the other hand (cause she is a chick and has a pretty nice body, appearance) gets hit on quite often and very easily. She unfortunately loves attention and eats it all up. I wouldn't consider myself as to being unattractive, just definitely crushed right now, walking around with a broken heart and very low self-esteem. I know attitude is 3/4 the battle and I would like nothing more then to feel myself and just get a smile from a person of the opposite sex. Just guess Iam waiting for a sign from the man upstairs telling me it's going to be all right...

Get your head up guy, so you can see your options better. You have figured out what the problem is, now work on a plan. Small personal goals to raise the confidence in yourself, wash windows, clean you closet. These don't seem like much, but in 3 days you'll see the difference, and be proud of yourself. Have a plan for your free time, and follow through, it will give you something to look forward to. If you can't think of something go back to a past hobby you enjoyed, or better yet, get a new one. Baby steps toward a bigger goal, will get the juices flowing, and fill the gap in your soul, so you can enjoy what you do, and take pride in it, especially at work/school.

Over time You will grow to be happy with yourself, and attract other happy people who share your interests, into your life.

Sports, and physical activities should be high on your list, (everyone loves the gym), and you can even take a page from your ex, VOLUNTEER. Helping others is the supreme self esteem booster, bar none.

You have to be out, and about to meet new people.

First off, your doing better than you think you are. Tal is right, it's all about giving you the option of meeting people. If I did my daily activities only, as excited as I would be about meeting new people, I wouldn't find anyone. If I am put in a situation where I'm obliged to socialize, work, volunteering or an activity, I will just have to socialize. Step by step, you will get better and your self-esteem is going to be better. Don't think of socializing meaning to meet up random chick.

You need to meet people, not chicks.

Moved here from another post to avoid confusion.


My ex broke it off with me about a month ago. She still lives with me and we still see each other every day. I have been the good guy and have not kicked her out. I have tried to be respectful while she saves up enough money to be able to move out.

During this past month after the breakup I have been going through lots of emotions as you can believe. I have been trying my hardest to not get emotional and have tried my best that when I feel I can't handle the situation to just get out and go for a walk or something.

Being new to the area, (we moved from Mass to Tenn together) it's been very VERY hard to make new friends. This has not been helping me out any. I know I need to find stuff to keep me busy... but that's another topic... my real concern/question is this:

Iam a bit confused... she broke it off with me. She has been more then clear that she is saving up to move out and has already been looking at places. She however does still show from time to time, some feelings toward me. Such as she gets a little nosy with whom Iam texting or if I say Iam going to hang out with friends. She also knows that I like to look at her Facebook as she likes to put up quotes from movies and songs. I think deep down she does this just to see if Iam still on her hook or something? For example she has right now on her Facebook this: "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day" I LOVE The Notebook!

OK before you all come down on me 100% first let me say... yes I know... juvenile, immature, etc. Yes very well aware of it. Plus her being 23 again, I know she has some growing up to do.

So I guess where Iam going with this is: if she deep down feels this way, but doesn't want to jump to decisions... is it possible she wants to move out, to see what that feels like, and then go from there? Just don't know if relationships ever go like this? She was engaged to me 2 times now over 7 years. She broke it off the first time after about 4 years into it and then again just now about a month ago. I think she has feelings toward me, but that our relationship has been a very difficult and very complicated one. Both parties have been equally at fault for things to go astray and feel like we have drifted apart for one reason or the other. I clearly explained to her, I was willing to work things out and do whatever it took. She was not willing at first and simply said... there just is no more spark there and didn't think it would come back. I think now there might still be something there, just not enough to keep her from moving out and wanting to test the world on her own. Because of this, think she feels like perhaps by putting that quote in her Facebook, she is trying to still hold on to me, just in case things get too rough by herself? Or if the feelings do get stronger again? I don't know... so many confusing questions with no real answers that are ready to surface yet I guess...

Your situation is rough, living with your ex, but I do feel you are giving yourself some hope. Let me explain. She dumped you and has all the advantage of the dumper, meaning they are in "control" (they could have you back if they wanted to).

Slowly but surely, her control over the situation is getting weaker, and she is figuring it out. She wants to string you along, so that if she doesn't find something better, well there is always you.

Like the fact she got pissed when you got a car, you are not dependent on her, and consequently, you are moving on. She won't have you as a backup option basically.

It is very easy for the dumpee to get used by these false hope and the dumpee tends to overanalyze everything. It is what the dumper wants, false hope. It only gives more pain in the end (been there, done that).

My advice to you is to move on and don't give yourself hope. You are soon going to leave the apartment and be able to properly heals. As you said, she is young and lack maturity, you should know better.