This is a tough question that I just cannot find the answer(s) to.

I live with my boyfriend, (we're in our 20's), and we are very happy together. We had a mutual friend that was in trouble with her family and needed a place to stay to start her life. Our place is a big single, meaning no bedrooms. But she said, and we agreed, that'd be just fine. So she moves in. She's VERY respectful, considerate, and helps out. We love to all play video games and go places, etc. So, we are happy with living together.

After a while she starts showing signs of flirting with us. My boyfriend and I both talked about it, and we liked her too. So, my boyfriend of course loved the thought of a threesome, and I didn't mind, and it turns out neither did she. So, we had a threesome. A few times. Everything felt very right to me, and her, but slowly, my boyfriend told me he liked her less and less romantically. Problem, both her and my feelings didn't change. But I knew, in the end, his lack of feelings would bring this to a screaching hault.

I've slowly been trying to un-attach her, explaining that my boyfriend is the man I want to marry, she is living with us to start her life (job searching and school), and even though he does not want her romantically, that she is a wonderful friend, and joy to live with.

She nods and says she respects that, she understands, and that she is excited to start her new life.
But now, here comes the neverending cycle...

1.She continues to hold one of our hands, hugs extra long and clingy, and even tries to kiss us (this is to each of us on different occasions)..
2.I confront her, saying why she's here and that we established the relationship is not there anymore...
3.Then she mopes... and mopes.. and sighs, and doesn't talk, plays dumb, says she needs time, then says she has a hard time getting over it, which I understand and express so..
4.Then she gets better.. happy, friendship, etc..
1.Then she starts up the physical thing again.. and it repeats..

I know it must be hard living with the ones she has to get over, and in no way have either of us led her on. But no matter what I say, she agrees, does, then forgets, breaks the boundary and starts over moping when I renforce!

I don't believe kicking her out is any option for many reasons, and I have expressed what I great friend she is many times, and how I want to work this out, but she does seem to move past things..

Can someone help!

You need to sit her down and tell her in no uncertain terms if she does not respect your new boundaries she will have to find another place to live.

It needs to be a serious consideration and not just an idle threat.

You should not have to be a prisoner to someone's unwanted advances in your own home.

I don't see that you have any choice.Be firm!

She is acting like a rejected child and she needs to grow up.If she is old enough to get involved in a three way,she is old enough to suffer the consequences.

Clearly,she is not hearing you so perhaps if you gave her an ultimatum she would learn to appreciate your space.

Nicely said

I agree with Artlady, but the situation does show that some people can't turn their feelings on and off at will. Even non intimate triangles can leave one person feeling left out!

I would suggest that the best way for things to be resolved, is for her to share with someone else - it may just be too difficult for her to be with the both of you. For her sake, she may find it easier to 'let go' and return to the friendship if she is not confronted on a daily basis with your relationship and your presence.

Either she goes by the rules or gets out. That simple.

To be fair, what were you expecting when you introduce someone else into your bedroom? Then when you change your mind, you expect her to just forget it? That's not being realistic, nor reasonable, and not fair.

Its hard enough to break up with someone on a romantic level, and expect things to be friendly, when the object of ones passions are still there everyday. She will take a very long time to heal.

You and your boyfriend share a lot of the blame for this situation, just so you know.

I understand that my boyfriend and I are a lot to blame. She has self confidence issues, and such, but then she's very respectful in every way, but the issue.. Which is like, how can you hurt someone, and then they hurt you and say, don't do that! It seems like a double standard on our part.

She's not mean to us, she's very confused and hurt, and it changes almost daily from happy to sad. She really doesn't have anywhere else to go, and I wouldn't say either one of us are unhappy with her being there.

She was being mentally and emotionally abused by her family, and she lived in the middle of nowhere, so she couldn't find a job... She'd take care of a few kids, clean house all day, only getting out once every 2 or 3 months. And then her family would complain about her eating, so she'd starve herself! Not eating for a whole week sometimes, and now suffers from (lack of) vitamin and iron anemia! She was shut out from the world, and has no friends. She is a wonderful person and a great friend, and I really want to make this work! I know what My boyfriend and I did was wrong, but truthfully, it only stopped due to lack of feelings on his part.

I do agree she needs to grow up, and I have to enforce the boundaries better, I just reeeally don't think the kicking her out (serious) threat is reasonable.. She'll take it differently and think I want her out.. It's just her..

In addition to the boundaries and self-esteem issues. I would like to add a few other observations.

I know it feels like you're being a good friend by letting her stay with you. But part of being a good friend is acting in each other's best interest. In this case, staying with you might be a good solution for her, but it's not in the best interest of your relationship with your boyfriend. It's clearly affecting your relationship.

Just because she has to move out, it doesn't mean that she stops being your friend. It just means that you stop being roommates.