My brother divorced about 2 years ago now and has a 17 year old son a 15 year daughter and a 12 year daughter. Last June the son (Al) and father (David) got into a confrontation when Al became upset after David looked in his wallet to see if he was carrying his SS card (after he told him not to leave in his wallet for fear of identity theft). One word led to another and they both got angry. David wound up pinning Al to the floor (did not hurt him) but it scared Al so much that he ran into the kitchen grabbed 2 knives out of the drawer and told him to stay away then he ran out of the house. He hasn't spoken or seen David since, even though David has joint custody.

David has apologized countless times, has send phone messages, text messages, has asked the ex-wife to intervene (no help there, in fact, she seems fine with the situation), to express his love and willingness to work it out, all to no avail.

Of course, Al won't talk to me either even though I haven't done anything except tell him how much I miss him and love him.

My brother is upset and depressed (is in counselling) and cannot get Al to go to couselling either with or without David. There must be something that can be done, we are at our wits end. Any help would be appreciated.

First of all, it's completely unnecessary for a dad to pin his son to the ground- especially when the son is 17 years old, and over such a ridiculous reason. I don't blame Al for leaving- it's a little freaky when something like that happens. (I know, I was abused as a kid. It was more scary for me though, I'm only 110 lbs. and 5'1'' tall.) Why did David even think that this was necesary- he's clearly pushed his son away. I was pinned to the ground many times by my parents too, and I moved out the day after I turned 18- it all got to be too much. The parents were depressed and upset. The reason why Al is gone is because he's afraid, and he doesn't want to deal with it. After all, the person that is supposed to protect him, the person he's supposed to trust goes off on him out of anger- it's a little startling. Maybe he's already started his life as an adult, and doesn't want to leave it behind. (I was offered many, many times to come home but I got engaged and my own apartment, I wasn't about to leave all that.) There could be many reasons Al is gone. Of course, it wouldn't hurt either, if he just called you guys to say he's okay, and he could've gone about what he did more respectfully. David shouldn't get depressed. Al will be fine I'm sure. It's just a matter of realizing that the situation was really unnecessary, and there were faults on both sides.