I have this girlfriend that I REALLY love a lot! But I can't get over her past! Before me, she had sex with 4 guys and there's two other guys that she had oral sex with ( they gave it to her, she didn't give it to them). I don't know why I can't get over this. I guess it's because I was a virgin before we started dating? But she has really changed and she is a really good girl. It was 8 months before we had sex together but there were times when we almost did before that, and it took both of our efforts to wait longer. On our first date, or the first time we hung out, she showed me her panties, she didn't pull her pants down she just opened the zipper and showed me the top of them then asked me if I liked thongs or boyshorts better lol. I asked her after we had been dating for a while why she did that and she said she was just flirting with me because she really liked me. Is this how some girls flirt? Idk why all these crazy thoughts are going through my head. She's my first serious relationship and I just want to get over it! Help me!

How old are you two?

We are 18. But there are girls our age that has had like over 10 sex partners.

Hmm. Being a sexual guy myself the number only starts to irk me if its above 10. I think this is just a deep rooted stigma that society has put in our heads that sex is bad. The more important thing is that they are clean.

You have to realize that there were others before you. If she was willing to wait 8 months to have sex with you then I think she is pretty loyal. Most people don't stick around that long if they don't put out sadly.

A total of six guys is not bad. If you don't want to lose her, get over it. She had a life before you, she'll have one AFTER you if you can't get this out of your head.

I absolutely refuse to discuss number of lovers that I've had with my wife. She knows my past, and how I was girl crazy. She hasn't asked, and if she did, I would explain that it's not important. In turn, I don't want to know the number of guys she slept with before me. We simply choose not to talk about it. There's no healthy reason to bring it up.

A friend of mine had this discussion with his wife one night recently. Her number was 50, his was 30. He is having a hard time getting past this now, after 14 years of marriage. He looks at her in a different light.

So, if you really love this girl, go on with youir relationship.

As far as her showing you her panties on the first time together, that's pretty forward. Very forward actually.

If she is someone you can trust totally, go enjoy your time together, and forget this.

I mean we met at a party and we had been talking on the phone and texting and stuff for over a month. Then we hung out and she showed me her panties. But she didn't pull her pants down, she basically showed me the top of it, like the top of her pelvis.

This isn't a big deal. I have done way more than that on day one and had long lasting relationships.

I mean she's not easy at all! The two guys that gave her oral sex both wanted to have sex with her and she refused, and she regrets having sex with those guys in the past because she felt like they were just using her but she also doesn't regret it because she said that she learned from her mistakes.

Look, if you can't accept her past is in the past and before you,move on..

If you can't get over it,there are plenty of fish in the sea of never never land who don't have a past..

People have pasts,a history of good and bad choices and decisions..
They may not all be sexually ones,there could be any numbers of bad choices...

But today right now,do you respect her?

How would you feel if you walk away?
Sad? Happy? Not care?

Think about that,how would you feel without her?

I would feel horrible without her! We've been dating for a year and a half. This used to bother me a long time ago then it stopped and it recently just now started bothering me. Our relationship is special and she has told me like every secret! Secrets she hasn't ever told anyone! Could this be bothering me because I was a virgin before I met her?

I mean she's not easy at all! the two guys that gave her oral sex both wanted to have sex with her and she refused, and she regrets having sex with those guys in the past because she felt like they were just using her but she also doesnt regret it because she said that she learned from her mistakes.

I said forward. I had sex on the first "date" with girls. I was just saying it was very open and forward for her to do that. No big deal. Get on with your relationship if you love her that much.

I would feel horrible without her! we've been dating for a year and a half. This used to bother me a long time ago then it stopped and it recently just now started bothering me. Our relationship is special and she has told me like every secret!! secrets she hasnt ever told anyone!! Could this be bothering me because i was a virgin before i met her?

Possibly,only you know the answer to that.

Don't make her regret confiding in you... learn from each other,your both learning about how relationships work,and how to communicate with each other...

Here are some of the basics of a good relationship,and although on a screen they look easy,some are very difficult..

1. respect each other.
2.communicate,communicate and communicate.
3.give each other space to see friends.
4.trust,without it,there is no relationship.
5.be honest about your feelings.
6.care for each others feelings.
7.worth repeating,communicate.

This is a short list,time and experience will teach you more.

Let the fact that she had others partners before you go... she is with you now,and your feelings of insecurity will damage what you have.

Me and my girlfriend are dealing with a long distance relationship right now because we both go to different colleges. But for the past month and a half she has been very upset with me and we are on a break. She said that there were nights when she was lonely and needed someone to talk to and I didn't call her. She said I wasn't there for her like I promised I would be. But Im extremely busy! Not only am in college, I'm also an athlete there too! That takes up so much time! But now I do have time to talk to her because our team camp is over, during our team camp we were basically busy from 6 in the morning to 9 at night! But I call her like every night and I try to explain to her that I'm not going to let her be lonely again, that I'm going to call her more! But she doesn't believe me, she thinks that once we're good again that I'm going to think that I've won her back again and stop calling her again! She said that I never learn from my mistakes. But that is not the case, I really love this girl and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep her! What can I do to let her know that I am serious this time and that I'm really going to change?

She seems demanding, but if you really want to keep her...
Different things work for different people, you know her best so you'll probably know this ---

Is she the type of person who will let go when challenged or will hold on even tighter? Because some people get tired of something when it's always available. Some people like missing their significant other. Others can't take the distance.

That said... It really takes a hell lot of maturity to be able to handle a long-distance relationship... Is she/you coming back soon?

Me and my fiancé did long-distance for over a year. He was on the west coast, I was in the midwest. We talked on the phone 2 nights a week-Monday and Thursday. I would let her know that you're lonely without her too, and set up specific times to talk that work for both of you. She does seem very demanding. I NEVER freaked out about being long-distance or anything. Especially when I knew that my fiancé was busy doing his job, that's just me though. If you really want to keep her, I would recommend sticking with a calling schedule that you agree on. That way, she can't complain since she agreed on it. If that's a certain time every night then it is. It's important to have something to look forward to during the week. It can get pretty lonely. Let her know that if she needs to call at a time other than the scheduled times, she's welcome to, but you may be too busy to answer.

There's nothing you can do at this point. It's up to her if she wants to give you another chance. If you really believe that you can change for her, then you'll just have to hope that she gives you that chance.

She already knows that you will try hard to change, so it's up to her to see if she believes you or not. I suggest that you give her some time and space to sort out her feelings.

Mate, if you really loved her, you would have never taken her for granted, I should say.
You know this clearly that she loves you.

But that's a common mistake, give her time to find herself, call her. Sometimes only send her a text. She'll feel that you're still here, you love her.

When you call her ask her about her parents, how she's doing.

Meet up. Don't go sexual, discuss about things you never did before, like how might the future be.

Cheer her up dude, make her laugh, feel secure..

Possibility!

"there were nights when she was lonely and needed someone to talk to and i didnt call her. She said I wasnt there for her like i promised I would be"

When boy ignores her girl, she tries find that love or someone else gives it to her. She can feel love for anyone.
During that time frame anyone can get as close as you are, shouldering her, cheering her up.
She might feel more secure with someone else than with you.

Beware man, it hurts. Don't let love go if you really love her !

When boy ignores her girl, she tries find that love or someone else gives it to her. She can feel love for anyone.
During that time frame anyone can get as close as you are, shouldering her, cheering her up.
She might feel more secure with someone else than with you.

Beware man, it hurts. Don't let love go if you really love her !

... Actually, as a girl, I think I can agree.
Good one.

But that was during my 2 week fall camp for football. I told her that I was going to be busy and she understood that. I was busy with football from 5 30 in the morning to 9 at night for two weeks straight but I still called her. We just didn't talk as much because I was tired and needed my rest! But how it really got bad, was when my phone got wet and it wasn't working. I told her my phone was messed up over the webcam one night and then after that we didn't talk for 3 days because of my phone. I didn't want to use anyone else's phone here because they don't live in the same state so it would long distance and run there bill up! So I went on the internet and just searched for about an hour!! And found a way I could call her from my computer! I also found a way I could text her too! Until my phne started working. But she was still mad and said that I made no effort to call her! And I was thinking how? I mean I found a way to call you from my laptop! How is that not making an effort? And now that I think about it, I have been there for her! There's been nights she was sad and I stayed up late on the phone with her even though I had to wake up at 5:00 the next morning! And the only time I didn't call her was those 3 days my phone was messed up.

So I take what I said back, I never took her for granted. I just make myself think that because she's upset with me, and because that what she thinks! She actually took me for granted! Everybody else's girlfriend's here understood that their boyfriends weren't going to be able to talk as much during team camp except mine! But I also guess that I'm the only guy that was willing to stay up with my girlfriend on the phone until she cheered up NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TOOK! That's how much I love her!

Sheesh, we hear you mate!

Look, I don't think it's healthy when people say, "I'll do whatever it takes to keep her/him". In the end it only builds resentment, because you don't feel appreciated for the effort you've made and you feel as if you've been disempowered in the process. It's not usually a good idea to hand your power over to another person, just so that they will stay with you.

I think that all you can do is explain, again, to her what the situation was. Perhaps put it in the form of a letter or an email so that she can see the words.

In the end it is her choice to feel lonely, it is her choice to be upset. She is behaving this way because it gets a reaction from you and discomforts you - she felt lonely, so she figures she'll make you feel upset that you didn't do enough to relieve her loneliness. In actual fact it is her responsibility to do things that will ease any loneliness she may feel in your LDR.

LDRs involve a lot of compromise, tolerance and patience. If you genuinely feel that you've done your best, then that is all that you can do. If she can't accept this, is unwilling to accept your explanations and 'punishes' you - then perhaps you would both be happier as single people.

Just follow through with what you've told her.
She's insecure, if it gets too much you need to think of the next step, because her emotional baggage is not for you to bare, help support, yes, but don't let her dump it all over you. You can't be with her every minute of the day, she needs to find things to occupy her time so that she doesn't feel so lonely, or maybe get a pet.
You can't make her insecurities go away, you can only do the best you can with what you've got and not let it completely interrupt what's going on in your life too.
Seems to me like she needs attention all the time, and that is NOT your issue to deal with.

I agree with ohsohappy.

Call her only once or twice a day.
Don't try to find time to call her, don't be restless, call her when you HAVE time, when you're free.
She ain't going to call you each single moment,only when she's free she going to step forward.
When you call her, ask her about her day, had she had lunch.
You've been really busy all day, you wanted to call her but thought she might be in classes.
Each time before you hang up, tell her you love her, that will remind her of old times.

Don't keep on calling her all day long, she might feel that you've realized you mistake and what you're up to.

One more thing,

DON'T EVER COMPARE YOUR GIRL TO OTHERS, YOU LOVE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS, NOT FOR WHAT YOU WANT HER TO BE !

I agree with ohsohappy.


DON'T EVER COMPARE YOUR GIRL TO OTHERS, YOU LOVE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS, NOT FOR WHAT YOU WANT HER TO BE !

YES! It's way to easy for people to concentrate on what they want their partners to be rather than who they are. This causes rifts that might be beyond repair.

Aparently she doesn't really respect you like she should.

aparently she doesn't really respect you like she should.

That's how I feel! Why can't she respect the fact that I'm very busy! I go to college just like she does but I also have football which adds an extra 5 hours to my day!

Hey. Recently me and my girlfriend broke up. I have been talking to many people most of them girls, and they said that if ignore her that it will drive her crazy and that she'll start to wonder if I really got over her that fast. They said that alienization is the worst punishment to a girl. They said that they'll call if ignored long enough. I just want to know if this can really work?

Maybe, but history will repeat itself.

They're ex's for a reason

It has work in many occasions but they just end up breaking up again.

Ignoring her is used to get over her not get her back.

"Ignore her to get her back"

Huge misconception as to how an ex comes back.

Ignore her for you, not her. Do this, and you wouldn't care about getting her back, but getting your life back.

Ignoring her WILL definitely drive her crazy. If there's one thing that all women, all over the world, of all ages need, crave and go crazy for it's attention. Don't give her any and she will definitely be bothered. A lot, actually.

Getting her back and making it work with her is another thing altogether, though. She WILL wonder if you have gotten over her so fast and she WILL be curious as to whether you still want her and desire her because this is how life is.

The real question, though, is whether you want her back for the right reasons. If and when this plan of yours works, will you really want to be with someone who can be manipulated just because you took away a source of attention? She would be the equivalent of some sort of monkey in a psychology lab somewhere. Is this what you want? A monkey?

What happens if in three days-three weeks-three months she still hasn't called because she moved on?

Don't play mental or emotional games just because you want to get back at her. Yes, that is what you are talking about doing. If you wanted a second chance, you wouldn't even be contemplating such a silly plan. Movies, books and other girls are not always the best places to get your information or ideas.

You broke up. Let her go. Leave her alone because it is in your best interest. Let yourself heal and unpack the baggage from this past relationship so that you don't drag your dirty laundry into the next one.

Well, she's not respecting your lifestyle. Seriously- I know what it is to have to respect when you don't really feel like it- as said before, my man is in the military, and being his fiancé, I have no say in what goes on in his career- he has a choice SOMETIMES, but overall the government does with him what they want, and I have to respect that because I LOVE HIM. This weekend he had drill for 3 days, and he called me twice, I didn't nag on him about calling me, he's busy- so what I deal with it- our "closeness" doesn't rely on phone conversations- it doesn't even rely on me seeing him- our love spans everything, and it seems like your girlfriend doesn't quite get it. I mean, when it comes to a relationship you don't want love without respect-(and vice versa) do you?

Me and my girlfriend of a year and a half have been broken up for the past 4 mnths. While we were broken up she started talking to another guy, while I just lived the single life. Well now I guess she didn't really like him that much because we're talking again and we're about to get back together. My problem is that it bothers me knowing that she may have kissed this guy. She didn't have sex with him because she isn't that type. I know its just a kiss and that we weren't even together but I really really love this girl and that's like the only thing that's bothering me! I didn't do anything with any other girl while we were broken up and as for her I guess I understand that sometimes it takes talking to other people to realize if the other person is the one for you. But it still bothers me for some reason! I really want us to be together but my jealousy of knowing that she probably kissed this guy while we were broken up is the only thing holding me back! I reall need help...

If want it to work out this time around you're going to have to let it go,you were broken up and not together so what she did is her business.
Let it go.

Hey my advice is that if it didn't work once, it won't ever work. Same thing will happen again, eventually. Isn't it strange that just because it didn't work with the other guy, now she is coming back to you as a backup? You have to think. I made this mistake. Not a good turn out.

I agree with emo. Be very cautious. Take your time to work things out before rushing into things. Make sure that whatever problems existed in the past have been resolved. You surely broke up for a reason. This happened to me too. The woman who I was with wanted to "find herself" and "see what else is out there." I let her go and about a month later she came back running. She said that I was the only one she wanted to be with and that she will never have the same feelings again. We got back together and 6 months later she ended up having the same feelings again. We broke up and I was hurt once again.

So, take your time if this is something you really want. Make sure you work out any previous problems and make sure you can trust her because without trust you will not make it far. Communication is key and you also have to let go of the jealousy. If you cannot get over the kiss than do not take her back. Move on, be happy, and live your life.

Good luck. Let us know how everything works out.

I disagree with emopunk7.

Or, to be more precise, it depends on why you broke up in the first place.

Many issues may be worked out, but if the issues that made you break up in the first place are still present, you'll need to sort them out before entering a new relationship, unless you want to fall back into the same mess once again.

When it comes to the alleged kiss, I can understand your worry. But think of it this way, if you are getting towards getting back together again, maybe she realized that she wanted you?

You can't do anything with what she's done anyway, and given that you were broken up, she hasn't done anything wrong.

If it really bothers you what she might and might not have done on the break, why don't you ask her? Be honest with each other. The relationship isn't going to work out anyway if you're not honest with each other.

If you really want this, first make sure she really wants it as well. If yes, I say go for it. But take your time, there's no reason to rush things, you'll only end up hurt again.

The kiss (or more) she shared is minor. I'm sure that you were devastated when she broke up with you before. Do you really want to go through that horrible healing process again?

Odds are she will leave again when she gets the urge. The only reason she's back is because she hasn't found anyone else and is getting bored. She'll get bored again with you and be on her way!

Take "A4Effort's" advice. The below situation just played out for me exactly like that; (and if she comes back for a third time, I'm saying Hel& No!

"I agree with emo. Be very cautious. Take your time to work things out before rushing into things. Make sure that whatever problems existed in the past have been resolved. You surely broke up for a reason. This happened to me too. The woman who I was with wanted to "find herself" and "see what else is out there." I let her go and about a month later she came back running. She said that I was the only one she wanted to be with and that she will never have the same feelings again. We got back together and 6 months later she ended up having the same feelings again. We broke up and I was hurt once again"

Ex's are ex's for a reason. It didn't work, why try to revisit it? Yes, things can be worked out but rarely does it work out. I'd rather start on a clean slate rather than worry about the past problems coming back to life

I say you leave her alone just because she being your first, you are to emotionally invested to see things clearly, or objectively. I also think because of your own feelings you think hers are the same, and I can tell you, they are not.

Here's my take on this. You first came here stating that you can't get over her past. Now you two broke up and again you have a problem with her past (her kissing someone) This alone shows how history repeats itself time and time again. Take that alone as an example of how your relationship will be no different. Find someone else but work on yourself before finding. Takes big ones to go that route. Let's see what you're made of.

Hi Anonymous91,

I don't know if you're still reading this post, if you are I hope this helps. I think you may face a lot of problems if you want to have a relationship with this girl. You both seem to bring your own set of issues to the table.

Her with her issue of seeking attention through sexual attraction, in pretty inappropriate ways. I think a lot of girls with self esteem issues have gone through this stage (for instance how many girls flash their boobs). Then there are those that go through most of their lives acting this way before realising that this doesn't really bring them happiness or acceptance. She seems to still be firmly planted in this stage by seeking approval through sex. To have a healthy relationship with this girl, I think you need to wait till she has solved some of her own problems.

The issues I think you bring into the mix are ones of insecurity and not having identified what you want from yourself, your life and your relationship. I know that sounds a bit full on but to have a meaningful, happy relationship, you need to know what you want and do not want. And you also need to be secure enough in yourself to say that you deserve what will make you happy in a relationship and not take anything less.