Hi Guys,
I'm tired of relying on my looks for everything. I have very interesting friends who seem to pull out fascinating facts and tidbits out of thin air. They have the gift of gab and can make a trip to the store seem like a huge adventure. I often feel left out and lame.

I don't want to ask them for help because I don't want them to know my insecurity.

I don't know where to start. What should I read? It's overwhelming. I have been trying to learn some new vocabulary and I fumble with which words to use when.

Do you guys know of some good books on this subject? Can anyone offer some step-by-step advice?

All help appreciated!

Hey, look the best thing to do it plow through the web, expanding your vocab is a good thing, dw about fumbling words ull get the hang of it. Find something that interests you and look into it, maybe animals or something like that. Hope this helps

So what happens when you use your one big vocabulary word? It sounds like you just need to stop worrying about trying to impress someone with one amazing phrase and just be yourself. If you aren't funny, acting funny isn't going to make you funny. If you aren't intelligent, acting intelligent is just going to make you look like a try hard. Why not talk about things that interest you, and then use that as a conversation piece. Just be yourself. Best advice I can give.

Take a class in something you like, and will lead to options, and opportunities, in the future.

Summer, "be yourself" is the best advice.

If you really do want to improve your mastery of the language, here are some tips:

Reading is one of the best ways to learn. Doesn't matter if it's horror, science-fiction, drama, biographies, etc. It gives you words in context of how they should be used.

Do not allow yourself to fall into the Text Speak Trap. When you start thinking in chat speak or text speak, it affects how you communicate verbally. Message boards like this one can help because chat/text speak are not allowed.

Choose your words wisely. Two words might mean the same thing, but one word might convey your meaning better than the other, such as funny and strange.

You seem like a nice, friendly person. Instead of relying on looks, maybe you can concentrate on that part of your personality. I don't know how old you are, but are you in school? Anyway, the NY Times Bestsellers List is a good place to look for books that might interest you and give you something to share with others. I'll make a few recommendations of books that are interesting, and many others have read them so it gives you a good conversation starter.

Anything by Malcolm Gladwell (Blink and Outliers were both really interesting)
Anything by Anthony Robbins (he writes about overcoming fears, persuasive communication, and enhancing relationships)
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Freakonomics by Steven Dubner

Just another thought – there are a lot of interesting shows on TV on the History Channel, Nature, Travel, Food Network, etc.

Thanks guys... all good tips. Someone also told me about a book called the Fine Art of Small Talk. Have a great day!

Hey Summer

The first thing that hit me when I read your post was that your friends are friends with you because they chose to be... so there are probably tons of things that they like about you already!

To be yourself is really the best advice, and even though you might think your blah, I doubt that your friends feel this way.

But I do see what you mean, personally I'm not very funny and my younger siblings are known as hilarious... but I know that no matter how hard I try, I'm not going to be as funny as them... mostly because I have a different sense of humor.

What I do suggest though, when it comes to pulling out interesting facts and tidbits is to read a lot of different sort of things... maybe you can develop an interest or work on an interest you already have?

Personally I love TV shows and I love books, so even though my siblings are known as the funny ones I have my own thing that just seem to grow at its own pace. Because what I recognized was that the people in my life like me for me no matter how bad they think my sense of humor is... cause I bring a hole set of quirks to the table.. do you get what I'm getting at? LOl I hope my point didn't get lost in here somehow ;)

Do you have any interests?

Ooo... also I collect anecdotes, funny little stories. They can be whipped out on any occasion. ;)

Thanks guys...all good tips. Someone also told me about a book called the Fine Art of Small Talk. Have a great day!Hello summer:

Small talk doesn't work. It only takes a few minutes to inquire about ones family and the weather... Then when it's time for REAL conversation, the small talker is out of his depth.

So, as others have said, develop who YOU are. Come on reach wayyyyy down. There must be SOMETHING you wanted to do, but that your conservative half said, noooo...

Like guitar lessons, like buying a motorcycle, like volunteering at your local food bank, like taking acting classes... I could go on, but the idea is to go BE what YOU want to BE. You can't read about it. Nobody can tell you about it. YOU have to DO it.

excon

All very good points... Thanks!

Hi, summer7!

What are some of the things that you really like to do for recreation and are interested in studying, please?

I have very good reasons for asking that question.

Thanks!

Hi Clough,
I'm very active... I snowboard, surf, waterski, sail, ride my bike, walk, dance and love to go out to dinner with my guy and friends. I like watching dance performances of all types and live jazz concerts as well as modern stuff. I also like art. All kinds. Classical to contemporary and can appreciate when an artist comes up with something totally new and different. Vibrant paintings with texture knock my socks off.

As you can see, I don't lead a blah life but want to better express myself and learn how to come up with cool stuff to talk about. I happen to have very smart, witty friends with an amazing gift of gab and I believe I can improve here.

After reading your posts I don't feel like your blah at all, and if you want to develop yourself you def have a lot of different things that you can develop and that great...

If you want conversation starters I think I'd recommend to read some books that can be talked about, or films, current events... stuff like that. There are also a lot of things connected with certain books that can be discussed if you and your friends are into discussing things ;)

Other then that I think you should just be you... cause from what you've told about yourself that doesn't sound bad at all! :)

Awesome... thanks!:)

Hi again, summer7!

Yeah, I agree! By reading your posts, I don't find you to be "blah" at all either!

Would you like to do something involving music or other types of art on this site, please?

Thanks!

Hi Clough,
What do you mean?

Writing music and songs and learning how to do that. Being able to actually here the music online. Learning the basics of playing an instrument or instruments. Doing things that are artisic like writing poetry, lyrics, short stories, visual art projects and the like.

Thanks!

I have to go for now, summer7.

I will be back on here after a number of hours.

Have to get some work done for a customer.

Thanks!

Hi Clough,
Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions. All great ideas. Isn't it exciting that there is so much to learn and do? We need longer days.

Hi again, summer7!

Yes, it would be nice to have longer days because there is so much that a person could learn and do!

Are you interested in doing on this site, any of the things that I suggested, please?

Thanks!

Hi Clough,
Right now I'm reading magazines on different subjects to collect some info. For discussion. I'm going to an event this weekend and will need to be a sparkling conversationalist. Yikes! I really have my work cut out. I'm writing myself some cheat notes that I can tuck away in my purse. I just hope one doesn't slip out onto the floor for all to see. Ha-ha!

I really just need to read more. I am so active and I need to schedule some time to sit and read mags and books. I like your suggestions, Clough, thanks!

Hi again, summer7!

So, are you saying that you do or don't want to try some of the things that I suggested would be possible to do together on this site, please?

Thanks!

Hey Clough,
Actually, I have done a lot of creative things. I paint, I write songs, I've written short skits for children's performances and I collect poems about "kissing". I'm just not interested in these things at the moment.

Right now I'm working on becoming a better and more interesting speaker. This is an art form in itself. Some people have this gift of telling stories and that's what I want.

Okay, thanks!

Yes, becoming a better and more interesting speaker is an art form in itself. I wish you well and much success in the pursuit of that!

Thanks!

Read,write,start an on line Blog about something that interests you.
Whenever you have an opportunity to learn something ,take advantage of it.
Be a good listener.
There is nothing that people appreciate more than a person who is truly interested in them and listens!

Read, write, start an online Blog about something that interests you.

Whenever you have an opportunity to learn something ,take advantage of it.

Be a good listener.

There is nothing that people appreciate more than a person who is truly interested in them and listens!

Excellent thoughts there, artlady! :)

Thanks to you all for the excellent advice. I'm having a great time gathering info. And developing this skill.

Thanks to you all for the excellent advice. I'm having a great time gathering info. and developing this skill.

Don't ever be anything but what you are.
Phony just is so obvious.
I know it takes a lot of heart to be who you are but if you fake it... everyone gets cheated.
What is cool about you?
I expect a response. Kind of kidding kind of not.. :rolleyes:

Hi ArtLady,
Thanks for the advice. You are so right about phony. I certainly don't want to be that! And about faking it, well you are right about that too. I have, however, used the "fake it til you make it" phrase on occasion. There have been a few times in my life when I have found myself in a situation where I needed to think fast or else the opportunity would have been lost. These times are few and far between. It is so much better to be genuine! I totally agree with you.

I went to an event last night and it went great. I have taken all the advice my friends here on the post have suggested. I even had my notes with me. I read in a book about small talk that it is a good idea to carry some notes with topics. I had so much fun. I really paid attention to how people were communicating. How they weave their stories one into the other. I find this to be such an attractive quality as are wit and humor.

You asked what is cool about me? Well, I can get along with anyone. I make friends easily. I am nonjudgemental and make an effort to relate to the person I am talking with. It doesn't matter how different we are, I find a way to relate. I can find the "fun" in the most mundane situations.

Thanks again...

Thanks ArtLady!