Hey All my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday.. I wasn't giving her the attention and effection she needed there is a lot to it but to get to the main point.. This is the first girlfried that I don't hate or think anything bad of after the breakup.. so I sent her flowers at work today just to tell her what she means to me and that I love her. She called me upset and told me how much she loves me but she don't have it in her no more to try again. So I agreed to follow her wishes even though I no were meant to be together. She asked how I was and how I felt so I said I was fine and ill be allright and she didn't have to worry about me.. her response was she allways will no matter what and she wanted to check on me every day or every other day.. So I explained I don't think that's right at this point in the breakup how can we talk everyday if were not together I still have strong feeling. So she said OK she will call me in 4-6 weeks... I ended it from there. She then texted me again about our Facebook status she said she wanted to get the questions form family and friends over with cause if she don't change it and waits whem she does change it people will question her and if its in a month from now when she's starting to feel better she will get upset again.. So I agreed that was the smart thing to change her status and then also remove us as friends she said she didn't think that but if that's what I want she's OK with it... so she removed me and sent me a email saying she wanted to say she's not cold but she's loves me more then anyone ever but it won't work now and how she's wants to keep in touch. So I wrote her and back that I respect that and I love her and allways will but I can talk to her for now.. I need to clear my head and heal.. and not to communicate with me so I can heal.. I left if open that I'm here if she changes her mind and I still love her.. So she texts me after that please don't lose my number so I answer I won't I just need to clear my mind. Then she texts me she paid my last phone bill I said TY then she text me OK goodnight.. that I didn't answer I can't talk to her or text her its to hard.. Am I correct in doing that or will she think I don't carE? I tried all I can if she don't bite on that is there anything else?

I just want to know since I love her so much and want her if she calls me and texts me and if I don't answer is that a sing I don't want her to think I don't care at the same time I don't want to be used or false hope

I went through the same thing as you these past 2 months and am still going through it. When my ex texts me I answer her but I don't ever text her 1st. Its really up to you but if you're saying its too hard for you to hear from her right now then don't answer her until you are over her completely.

You're never going to heal and move on with your life if you let her reel you back in day after day or whenever she wants to.

No Contact! None. At. All. Delete her, erase her, defriend her.

No contact AT ALL will help you find your own balance and you ll heal more quickly.
Every time there is any kind of contact you ll find yourself back on square one again-confused and emotional.

That's how I feel... I mean we broke up yesterday and she's worried about her status and wants to get the questions from people over it.. yet she wants to keep me as a friend what sense is that?? Its like she says she wants me there to make it easier for her but what about me??

Exactly-its about YOU now , not about her and what SHE wants or needs.
Keeping you hanging around and pulling your strings is a big no-no.
She can sort herself out , you should stay no contact at all so that you can begin to heal and get your life back on track again.

Yes I don't have a choice now I don't sleep much I don't eat much... I know it will get better I was here before.. the feeling of being alone as well as not being with someone I love is what makes it worse. Im so much stronger then my last relationship wich was 3 years this was a year the onlyy difference I thought this one honestly was the one. Before I could honestly tell myself I would go NC I needed her to know what I felt and how bad I wanted her now I hope it will be easier to keep away.. cause I need to sleep I need to eat I need to heal 2 move on..

You don't NEED her to know anything, you want this or that.

What you need is to stop any contact, don't read any text, don't read any emails and don't send any.

OK, yes I deleted all her email and texts I just deleted all her friends from my networking sites and removed all the pics of us.. now comes the time...

Thanks god I have my friends now... cause I would feel lost.. I just don't get why a breakeee always says lets be friends I care and love you a lot I want to make sure your OK.. I need to make sure everything is all right and I want to be your friend if your breaking up why do you need to be or know anything?

Yes breakups are tough and Im sorry you re feeling sad and blue.
You need to eat sleep right and get out and about and keep busy.
This is a healing process-it takes time and there are no shortcuts.
Eventually you will meet someone who s mature enough to be in a good relationship with you.
See friends and family don't sit around on your own.
Take care.

Here is what I need opinions on " i just dont get why a breakeee always says lets be friends i care and love u alot i wanna make sure ur ok.. I need to make sure everything is alright and i wanna be ur friend if ur breaking up why do u need to be or know anything??"

My take on that is that the dumpers say these things to soften the blow and to make themselves feel better about what they ve done.

My take on that is that the dumpers say these things to soften the blow and to make themselves feel better about what they ve done.

I c

I guess what it also is, is that as much as I seen little changes in her for like 4 or so weeks when we hung out she covered it so well. Last weekend we hung out slept next to each other holding each other all night kissing it all.. If someone wants to break up with you or is about to.. how can they do these things and act normal? How is that possible because if you breaking up shoudnt that mean you don't have the same feeling and if not how can you fake so good?

I've been there and probably worse than you and you're actually doing a good thing about NC. Breakers always ask to "stay" friend, for their own good. It's a selfish reason and it's in order to soften the blow to them.

It's actually good that you are doing NC to heal ( I hope you are not planning to contact her soon ). Are you taking your healing actively? I mean are you doing sport, going out...

I've been there and probably worse than you and you're actually doing a good thing about NC. Breakers always ask to "stay" friend, for their own good. It's a selfish reason and it's in order to soften the blow to them.

It's actually good that you are doing NC to heal ( I hope you are not planning to contact her soon ). Are you taking your healing actively? I mean are you doing sport, going out...

Well actually yesterday was really the first day... and we talked last night when she removed from her network page and changed her status she wrote me back and said I'm not being cold this hole story.. so I said I understand and care for her but now the contact must end.. She text me a few more times telling me she paid my last phone bill.. then not to delete her number and then finally gn.. that last one I didn't respond 2 and I want to keep it that way.. unless she has a total change of heart I can't lie to myself I won't be able to deal with friends at least for now. And yes I have not been stayiong home at all the only problem is that I can't sleep longer then 3 hours so I'm allways tired..

That's quite normal actually, I wasn't able to sleep the first day and then many days after that. The thing is to do complete NC, and to start training everyday, even if you're tired. Your body will rest and you will be able to get some good night sleep. I know it's not the best thing, but I took a bit of sleeping pills because my break up was during exam time, you can ask your doctor about them.
Don't worry sleep will come back and slowly everything will go back to normal. The most important thing is sport, then family support, then friends in terms of helping you getting better.

That's quite normal actually, I wasn't able to sleep the first day and then many days after that. The thing is to do complete NC, and to start training everyday, even if you're tired. Your body will rest and you will be able to get some good night sleep. I know it's not the best thing, but I took a bit of sleeping pills because my break up was during exam time, you can ask your doctor about them.
Don't worry sleep will come back and slowly everything will go back to normal. The most important thing is sport, then family support, then friends in terms of helping you getting better.


Thank u... I'm so lucky its football season and that it just started... also happy I found this site.. I really need it

Come here whenever you feel the need.
Take care.

2 bad there wasn't a meeting place like weekly meeting for people who break up or just to see people in the same issue dealing with

That's what friends and this forum is for :D. Take one day at a time slowly and you know what to do. Keep posting how you're doing.

I'm finding my nitch on what to do and how to deal I'm trying.. just I guess I'm at the point that normal things do not feel normal now..

Another thing has been bothering me is that I wonder if she met someone else and that's why this is happening because she's been diff last few weeks although we were still sleeping together and kissing all that.. if she met someone would she still cry when we separated.. it probably don't matter but I think that would hurt me more then her leaving me and being alone for a whille. I mean to go right into another relatinship doesn't say a lot for how she felt about.. and if this is even the case

Id say you're still in shock from the breakup.
Even if most things don't feel normal right now just do them on autopilot .
One day at the time.

She had your life and have yours, concentrate on yours and concentrate on yourself. I believe it has been a long time since you've really taken care of yourself.
The breaker usually either cheats or jumps in a new relationship, with negative consequences. Some people actually take their time so that they feel better as a single and be the most that we can be.

My friend spent the night over... we were going to go to the gym together and hang out I just needed sometime alone to cry is that bad? Is that making me goback?

Crying s good it gets rid of some of the pain so cry all you need.

Thanks Amicon...

Ive been there man there no shame in crying just get it all out and use your friends as much as possible to fill up your nights and days even if it involves doing things you don't really want to do, it will just help to get that day out of the way and a day nearer to feeling better and being back to your best

You re very welcome.
You re handling this well.

Well I'm trying with your guys help... I really want my ex to be happy I never left a relationship with good feeling for my ex... not hating being bitter or anything like that so I want to move on and really go NC so maybee one day when were bother completely over each other and can deal with friends if we still want to it's a possability she wanted to call me every other day or so... but I'm wiser then that

Be wise. Contact only breeds confusion.
Friendship s not an option yet.

well im trying with ur guys help... I really want my ex to be happy i never left a relationship with good feeling for my ex...not hating being bitter or anything like that soo i wanna move on and really go NC so maybee one day wen were bother completly over each other and can deal with friends if we still wanna its a possability she wanted to call me every other day or so... but im wiser then that

Don't go NC for that. Do it because it will help you. Maybe there will come a time where you will be healed enough to have a friendship. But more than likely, you won't care then.


You seem to have the right mindset though

It's more than OK to cry, I've cried a couple of times. If you feel really bad it's OK to cancel on someone, though I would suggest you don't. The next couple of days are going to be very hard, you need to take real good care of yourself, it seems you know what you are doing. There is no magic formula, it's only taking care of yourself, training and patience that will wither the pain away. Make a list of things for everyday and follow them even if you don't want to.

OK so we broke up Thursday and she talked on Friday cause she felt bad, she contacted me to check up on me. Sat I find a number on our old phone log for the last few weeks and there were over 30 texts and calls at least a day... when I called her on sat to confront her.. she said it was her because boyfriends brother and they were just a friends. There were little hints throughout the last 3 weeks she told me he called her like 3 times and she got really mad.. and she denys it was anything more then that and it started inocent but then the calls got out of hand.. and even though he anniated a lot so did she.. she also starteed to get mad and say see ull never change were fighting over this. Also she has nothing to explain cause it was nothing. She also said that I should know her that she would never do something like that. We still with all of this going on left off good. So I haven't contacted her in 2 days now and the wonder of what there relationship meant.. what it means now I can't control but now I feel even more hurt cause she might have played me for 2 or 3 months

Welcome to reality. People cheat, people "play". My advice, pick yourself up and keep truckin' my friend!

"Life's an ocean and you are swimming in a sea of virgin's!!"

Yea I don't get why lie do something like that breakup nice of course still wants to be friends and talk daily... and keeps asking please know that I did really love you and allways will.. and kept repeating that please tell me you know I love u... was like guilt or something :(

She's just letting you down easy bro cause you seem pretty emotionally distraught.

How old are you?

WAKE UP! Plenty of women out there man. Find yourself, whether it be educational, career wise, or just plain maturing.

THEN worry about the playing field.

I'm 30.. I'm not usually like this... I just put myself out there and never have done that before.. I never loved someone so much I seriously thought she was the one...

I can't tell you why anyone would do what she s done-it s cowardly and hurtful but time to cut all ties now and stay no contact.
People will say I love you etc to make themselves feel better but it leaves the person who has been dumped still with hope of a reconcilliation so Id disregard that if I were you.
Take care.

im 30.. im not usually like this...I just put myself out there and never have done that before..I never loved someone so much I seriously thought she was the one...

There is no such thing as "the one"

except in the matrix

I feel slightly better now I'm accepting that fact

I'm following NC only for few days and I'm moving out of this town and very well know that won't be seeing her again. I'm going to all together a new place with no friends and no background.

I want to see her before I go, mind is keep saying no no no, I don't know how I will control myself in few coming days. I'm at the moment verge of collapse.

I don't know how to control my emotions, just keep on crying all the time.

Ok so its been about 6 weeks no contact we been broke up for about 2 months if my memory serves me correctly.. Im doing it all going to the gym staying with friend.. going out. Alll these things when I'm buisy I'm great I'm fine.. But when I'm alone, the second I wake up when I go to bed. I think of her.. I really think my problem is the fact that I'm shy and keep to myself a lot and am worried about not finding someone like her again she was beautiful smart and a perfect body.. I no that might sound shallow but it remains on my mind. I hate sounding like a wuss its just I don't want these thoughts no more who's she's with and all this.. its just too much... 6 weeks and we were together for a year why is she still in my head so muchh ughh what else can I do??

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Try reading these two stickies, it should give you a list of ideas:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html

After six weeks that s guite normal-but make sure you have routines that keep you busy even when you are on your own. Kickstart your day, go for a run,and make sure you eat right.
Make sure you re really physically tired when you go to bed-that helps.

Bluelost, I know that feeling about being lonely and not finding someone else, who is beautiful and smart and has a nice body... this is our paranoia settling in. Believe me , am I right guys