Entire story merged

Yesterday I called my boyfriend when I got off work. He asked me if I wanted to go jogging with him when I got home. I told him I would go. Then he saws are you really going to jog? Like he was basically saying that he wanted to jog without stopping, no walking or anything. I told him I would still go but I don't know if I'll be able to jog the entire way (He wanted to jog a mile nonstop and back home). Then he says you can't be playing around like last time (I wasn't playing last time, I was really tired of running) And he was saying it like I was some child (but he said he wasn't being mean) but I instantly got mad and told him that I didn't want to go and he can go by himself. He thinks just because I'm 22 and he's 30 I should be able to jog a mile without stopping. I don't think age has anything to do with it. I didn't talk to him the entire day. I was going to apologize but he started giving me attitude, so I thought forget it.

I was already having a messed up day. I was bored as crap at work, can't find a permanent job cause nobody wants to hire, then he got a situation going on with him. All those feelings kind of just got balled up into one.

It wouldn't hurt to be the bigger person and still apologize. Maybe once you say you're sorry he'll say he's sorry for giving you an attitude. I'm also guilty of taking frustrations out on people. Getting better at it, one day at a time. It helps to take step back from the situation when you start to feel angry and approach things logically. Usually when I have a bad day I tell my husband right off the bat, and apologize in advance for any attitude I give him and that I don't mean to.

Next time he gives you a hard time about not jogging the whole way, just tell him to keep jogging and you'll walk when you start to get tired. That way you at least started together but you continue at your own pace. Eventually you'll be able to keep up with him better.

It just sounds like a misunderstanding. If you get tired, he shouldn't expect that you continue running. You just have to talk it out with him and explain that you can't run at the same pace he does without doing more training yourself. So if he wants to run with you, he has to realize that he has to run at your pace. Just talk it out so this doesn't become a bigger issue.

You told him you would go. But did you really want to go in the first place or were you just agreeing to it for his sake and fear he wouldn't think you care if you don't go?

Sounds as though he's on a mission out jogging and its important to him, which in turn I think he expects it to be equally as important to you too, for yourself I mean.

Your right though,its not necessarily age, its fitness levels, you need to tell him that your fitness levels aren't as high as his obviously are and that in order for you to keep up the pace, it will take you a while to do that, so as someone else said, for him to go on ahead if you start slacking.

If you really don't want to go, then tell him that and explain why. You need to communicate with each other.

He's obviously hurt your feelings with the way he reacted to you, just be honest and calmy tell him that it hurt your feelings and then tell him what you want to do. And no an apology wouldn't go a miss, it may make him understand.

Its hard to compromise when you are having a bad day. Once your emotional dust settles you will see things more clearly.

While he may seem a bit cold about being your jogging partner, maybe you could do some work in that area yourself, and be a better jogger on your own, its great stress relief, but as a shared thing with your partner, you obviously aren't that motivated as he is. If its just not your thing, you catch him after he has his run, but don't pretend you enjoy it.

I did apologize to him this morning. He said it was fine, but no he didn't apologize to me. I also asked him what was wrong with us starting running together and if I get tired I'll walk? And then start back up. He said no stopping at all, so I said I wouldn't be able to do that and stayed home. He obviously don't care about me getting tired along the way.

I kind of wanted to go with him cause I missed him and haven't seen him all day, but then again I kind of didn't want to go cause I had just gotten off work and I was a little hot and tired.

Entire story merged

I seem to be a tad bit jealous when my boyfriend makes compliments on other girls. Like if he says that a certain girl is fine. I get mad. I think the main reason why I get mad is cause I assume that he trying to get with the girl or that there is something on the girl that he likes that I don't have. Like for instance I am a slim girl. A lot of people say I have big boobs :rolleyes: but I don't have a big bottie. So every time I'm out with my boyfriend and I see a girl with a big butt walk by and see my boyfriend looking, I assume that he would want to get with her cause her butt big and not mine. I wasn't like this before! I don't even know when I got like this either, but I really don't like it. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I should be content, right?

I know he loves me and wants to be with me forever (he says) and wants to marry me. I really don't believe that he would cheat on me either, but sometimes I think twice about it cause he had this Facebook with lots of female friends on it (I'm not one of them) and it makes me think that maybe he having relations with someone on there. It's not like he writes to them in front of me. It's really hard. I really need help on knowing how to change how I'm feeling. I don't want to be jealous, depressd and upset anymore.

he had this facebook with lots of female friends on it (i'm not one of them).

Whoa... wait? Do you have a Facebook? Have you requested him as a friend and he ignored it? I'm only asking because if that is the case, you may have a situation on your hands.

On the other hand, if you don't have a facebook/he doesn't get on much/you don't get on much or any combination of those I wouldn't worry.

When I merged your threads one thing jumps out at me, he is not that supportive, or understanding of you.

Even a big dummy like me knows when his hard working, hot, and tired, female needs a hug, and some reassurance, and understanding, especially after a bad day.

I also see a big red flag in his insistence you keep up with him as he forges ahead with out considering, or even suggesting how you can be better prepared. Sorry, not to make something where they may be nothing, but its him who makes you feel in adequate, and he may not be meeting your emotional needs.

I think you should be able to talk about this in a calm, honest manner, more for your own good, rather than the relationship, but will he understand and make adjustments in his behavior? That I can't answer, but NO, you don't just have to settle for what ever he puts out.

Its just something's you have to do for yourself, without him, and being happy with yourself, is one of them.

The more I hear about your story, the more red flags I see.

He's definitely not considerate of your feelings. I think part of it is due to him taking you for granted now. He hasn't had to do much work to keep you happy and he's not scared of losing you.

You really need to explain to him how you feel about all these issues. He needs to understand that you are feeling unease. If he really cares about you, he would do something about your insecurities. Otherwise, he might not care about you as much as he says he does.

The more I hear about your story, the more red flags I see.

He's definitely not considerate of your feelings. I think part of it is due to him taking you for granted now. He hasn't had to do much work to keep you happy and he's not scared of loosing you.

You really need to explain to him how you feel about all these issues. He needs to understand that you are feeling unease. If he really cares about you, he would do something about your insecurities. Otherwise, he might not care about you as much as he says he does.

I still can't rep you! Dang it. Yeah I'm starting to see red flags everywhere.

Yes I have a Facebook. He added me as his friend one time and got mad at me cause I requested one of his friends as my friend, so he deleted me off. The second time I made a request, he accepted. One night we were at his brothers house drinking and he got wasted and fell asleep. Being a woman, I went through his phone (facebook) and saw a conversation he was having with some girl about hooking up and eating cake and watching movies, and catching up on old time (as friends) it said. The girl asked him if I knew that he was coming (to VA cause that's where the girl lives) and if I was okay with it. He never responding about me knowing about it, he just told her that he was coming alone. So I wrote the girl back saying that he wasn't coming to VA w/o me now that I see what's going on. Once my boyfriend found out about that he deleted me off his friends list on Facebook. Now every time I make a request to be his friend he ignores it. I asked him why, and he says because I don't trust him. Now don't you think him deleted me off his Facebook and ignoring my request is going to make me not trust him?

HE got plans on going to VA with his cousin at the end of the month. I'm not going cause I don't have money to go. So I'm a little upset about this cause the first thing that comes across my mind is him hooking up with someone while he down there. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think about it

Why would your boyfriend ask if you wanted to go jogging and then question if you reallywanted to go?

I think you have a communication problem that you would rather blame on your age difference.


...And he was saying it like I was some child (but he said he wasn't being mean)...

You should also not react like a child when you think he treats you like a child.

...but I instantly got mad and told him that I didn't want to go and he can go by himself...

Not to mention you hacked into his Facebook account, that's just wrong.

The more things you tell us, the more we're going to lean towards telling you to break up with him, because there are so many obstacles.

1) Whether you believe it or not, you don't really trust him, especially because of the Facebook issues.

2) You don't have any security in this relationship or it has diminished significantly to the point that it might not be repairable without a lot of effort on both sides.

3) He's been taking you for granted and is inconsiderate of your feelings.

Sometimes, being in love with each other is not enough to have a successful relationship. It takes hard work and a strong commitement from both people. This is not apparent in your relationship.

I'm not saying he was right for you to go through his Facebook, because if you trust someone and respect their privacy you just don't do that, BUT, I can see that you don't trust him and I wouldn't either.

If you don't trust him and he's not doing anything to gain your trust it may be time to move on. A relationship is hard enough but when you don't trust the one you're with, that's not much of a relationship.

Yesterday I called my boyfriend when I got off work. He asked me if I wanted to go jogging with him when I got home. I told him I would go. Then he saws are you really going to jog? Like he was basically saying that he wanted to jog without stopping, no walking or anything.e

So he's basically saying, don't come if you can't keep up with me? Shouldn't that be your choice if you go or not?


I did apologize to him this morning. He said it was fine, but no he didn't apologize to me.

So he's too good to apologize even though he got an attitude with you?


I seem to be a tad bit jealous when my boyfriend makes compliments on other girls. Like if he says that a certain girl is fine.

To me this seems disrespectful. It's one thing to look, it's another to make it so obvious that you're checking someone out.

I really get the feeling that he's controlling and taking advantage of you.

I know I may have been wrong to go through his Facebook but if you ( a woman mainly ) have a feeling that something is going on with your man, your going to look and find out what it is (whether you trust him or not). That's what I did.

We probably do have a communication problem. One of the reason that may be is because almost every time I try to talk to him about something he gets an attitude and we end up arguing. I don't want to be arguing with someone because I want to talk about a certain issue.

And with the complimenting other girls thing... he feels that its natural and that I probably do it too. Yea that may be true but I don't come out and say (in front of him) that a man is fine.

What would you guys say is the best thing to do?

I would hope you give a lot of thought to how you approach him, and when, and more importantly, with what facts you have to back up your feelings. That way you have a reasonable idea of your issues, and hopefully a firm idea of how you expect to be treated by him. That requires you to know yourself and what you want. Then its just communicating to him how you feel, and listening to what he says.

No relationship is over until one, or both partners, aren't willing to work together, through honest communications, to RESOLVE their issues, to the benefit of both.

Don't expect overnight results, but do expect some progress over time.



Sometimes, being in love with each other is not enough to have a successful relationship. It takes hard work and a strong commitement from both people. This is not apparent in your relationship.


Had to spread the rep, but I find this to be so true.

Threads merged

My boyfriend is going out of town to VA (his home town) at the end of the month. I'm not going because I'm not going to have enough money to go and the person (his cousin) he is riding down there with has a pick up truck and there won't be any room for a third person (but I do want to go :o)

A couple months ago I looked at my boyfriends Facebook page and saw that he and some girl (that live in the state of his home town, but not the city) that he went to school with were talking about getting together and watching movies, eating cake and catching up on old times. As a girlfriend not knowing about this, I got upset and assumed that he was making plans to go down there and cheat on me. I confronted this to him. He said that he didn't have plans on doing anything, he was just talking. But it would be nice to see her and all his friends he went to school with. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with him being sneaky about it.

So now that he is going to VA at the end of the month I can't help thinking about what I read on his Facebook page. Thoughts run across my mind like, "is he going to go to VA and hook up with one of the girls on his facebook page?", "is he going to go down there and have sex with someone?" etc. I just can't help thinking about it. I want to believe that he won't do anything when he leaves but it's still hard.

Try to find something to ease your mind about it. If you trust him, then you have nothing to worry about. I'm not saying that will stop you from driving yourself crazy... but here is a thought that helps me at times when I have a "moment"...

If someone wants to cheat on you, then they will find a way... and there is nothing you can do to prevent it.

Yes technically you can physically prevent it, but if someone wants to cheat, they will end up doing it in the long run. I wouldn't say he was being sneaky... I mean he knows you're friends with him on Facebook so you would eventually see their discussion right? By you reacting the way you did shows your boyfriend that you don't trust him, which could be more damaging to your relationship than him catching up with this girl.

Just try to relax and find some peace of mind, learn to not get so stressed over things you have no control over. If you trust him, you should have nothing to worry about.

That makes me feel a little better. I'm not friends with him on Facebook either. He deleted me as his friend like a month ago cause he got mad at me for going through his phone to see his Facebook account. That's how I saw his conversations. So now he won't add me as a friend because of that. I know I was wrong for it, but...

Try not to let a social networking site ruin your relationship, as hard as that may be. He is going back to his hometown... old friends, places, hangouts and the like. I think you are reading too much into this. I also cannot understand how you think he was being sneaky about it. You read his profile which is in PLAIN view to the PUBLIC!

Relax and let things go. Don't let your insecurities bind him down.

That makes me feel a little better. I'm not friends with him on facebook either. He deleted me as his friend like a month ago cause he got mad at me for going through his phone to see his facebook account. That's how I saw his conversations. So now he wont add me as a friend because of that. I know I was wrong for it, but...

Yea you're going to need to settle down a bit... I don't know if you are noticing anything but you are pushing him away with what you are doing. By showing him you don't trust him he will react a certain way (deleting you from his friends). If he started accusing you of being too friendly with other guys, I'm sure it would tick you off after a while. Try to put yourself in his shoes... remember it's both of you in this relationship ;)

Try not to let a social networking site ruin your relationship, as hard as that may be. He is going back to his hometown...old friends, places, hangouts and the like. I think you are reading too much into this. I also cannot understand how you think he was being sneaky about it. You read his profile which is in PLAIN view to the PUBLIC!

Relax and let things go. Don't let your insecurities bind him down.

You can easily set your profile to private and no one but your friends can see it.

You can easily set your profile to private and no one but your friends can see it.

I don't understand your point. I realize you can do this, but I fail to see how a social networking site causes someone to act like an immature, jealous person. Because he was talking to an old friend who was female, he should automatically have to tell his girlfriend about this? Otherwise, it is considered being sneaky?

A few things are off limits to my significant other: my phone and my email. That is private, to me, at least.

You can easily set your profile to private and no one but your friends can see it.

True but in this case she went through his PHONE and looked at his Facebook conversations... just shows a level of distrust that she probably needs to work on.

HotPotato- have you been in a relationship before? And if so, have you been cheated on before? Just a guess, I didn't know if this level of distrust was due to what happened in a previous relationship.

I'm not into the Facebook thing at all, but if your not friends with your boyfriend, what's wrong with that picture? Is it me, or yet another red flag?

It sounds like they were friends, but he deleted her after she started accusing him of things after seeing all the girls he was friends with, talked to, etc.

I just see too much intensity on your part HotPotato... it's like you are waiting for something to happen and you are on the edge of your seat. Try to relax and try not to nitpick everything... otherwise you will keep pushing your boyfriend away.

Yeah your right. How would I relax though?

I keep telling myself that I am relaxed, but then I end up blowing up

Yeah your right. How would I relax though?

I keep telling myself that I am relaxed, but then I end up blowing up

Try not to obsess over everything so much. Stop worrying so much about HIM and worry about YOU.

I like to think the cure for a "smothering" relationship is kind of taking some NC items and applying them while still in your relationship. Go hang out with your friends, join a gym, join a club. Keeping yourself busy doing things you LOVE will not only make you feel better about yourself, but your boyfriend will actually find you more attractive as well. Think about when you first started dating him... you were probably still doing your own thing and you were happy... try to apply that while still being in a relationship.

I totally understand what you guys are saying. Don't get me wrong, but I'm saying if for some reason her boyfriend has his profile set to private and she's not his friend, then no, she can't see everything so it might not necessarily be in PLAIN view to the PUBLIC. That's all I'm saying. It's quite possible that she can't see his page at all since she's not his friend on there. I would consider that sneaky too. Yes phones and all that are private, I understand that, doesn't change the fact that he could be hiding things. My husband and I each have phones, myspace and Facebook accounts, but neither of us has anything to hide. That is the part, that I don't get.

I've been in a relationship before. I've been cheated on plenty of times actually.

I definitely need to work on my trusting issues but I don't know how to go about doing that.

I'm not saying that he should tell me eveyone that he talks to on Facebook, what I'm saying is that if he is trying to make plans with someone else (another female) don't you think he should tell me that?

I don't want to push him away. If anything I want to make it better for me and him to be together

True Zoe, and I might be wrong in assuming this... but it sounds like she started badgering him about all these girls he is friends with. After a while, it probably got to be too much for him, said "screw it" and deleted her. Nobody likes being accused of cheating, especially on a frequent basis. Being questioned constantly is such a turn-off... it just shows such a high level of distrust.

My guess is since you did look on his Facebook and the only thing you can find was that he was meeting up with an old friend that was a girl... you don't have much to worry about on the cheating department.

You need to learn to trust him and stop accusing him of things... otherwise you need to end the relationship or he eventually will.

I've been in a relationship before. I've been cheated on plenty of times actually.

I definitly need to work on my trusting issues but I don't know how to go about doing that.

I'm not saying that he should tell me eveyone that he talks to on facebook, what I'm saying is that if he is trying to make plans with someone else (another female) don't you think he should tell me that??

I don't want to push him away. If anything I want to make it better for me and him to be together

I would seek professional help to work on your trust issues. I would offer advice but I have some as well (GUILTY as charged)... maybe start a separate thread on this here?

Well tell me this, did you ask him what he's doing when he's going there? Is he meeting up with old friends, etc? A lot of times, stupid things like these slip people's minds, especially if they don't think it's a big deal seeing an old friend. You can't just assume he's going to spit everything out ahead of time that might not sit well with you. And he might not have told you because of what you have done in the past... he might've thought you would react the way you did those other times. You see how damaging accusations can be? I'm not saying it's excusable for him to do so, but until you learn to react a better way to certain situations, he won't be completely open.

Yeah I asked him. He said that he wants to see his mom and his dad. And to take his son to some festival.

I don't know where I would seek help for my trusting issues because I don't have insurance. And most places you have to have insurance to be seen.

The things that you guys are saying are true. My boyfriend doesn't tell me a lot because he knows that I will get mad. And I just get mad because he doesn't tell me certain things. I mean, he does speak his mind if he has something to say.

Are there any workbooks I could work in to cope with trusting issues?

I just want to say something because I think I was misunderstood yesterday. I'm not saying that because maybe the OP might not be able to see her boyfriend's Facebook that it's OK to get on his phone and go through it that way. I think that if you trust someone, that's something that you just don't need to do. So we've established that she doesn't trust her boyfriend. The thing I'd like to add is that if she doesn't trust her boyfriend, that if she's thinking about going through his phone and Facebook, there are more issues than just trust issues. There are also communication issues, because she couldn't just ask him and get the truth. I would think those 2 issues together would be enough to send me packing if I was in this relationship.

To the OP, there are plenty of books and workbooks out there that you can get your hands on. If you and your boyfriend want to work this out, I recommend that. It's going to take a LOT of work, not just from you, but from him too. If he doesn't want to put forth the effort don't waste your time.

Zoe I have to disagree with part of it (I'm sorry!). Well actually I don't disagree just a difference of opinion... she needs to work on herself outside of him. She has driven him to the point where he can't tell her things because of the way she reacts. She overreacts and automatically assumes the worst when she questions something. So yes I will agree with you that communication needs work... but almost all of this starts with her.

If someone were to question everything I did, I would sure as heck be reluctant to tell them every single thing. I'm not saying that is healthy, but I have a feeling that he would probably be a little bit more open if she didn't freak out after something so minor.

I agree that she doesn't trust her boyfriend, but it's not her boyfriend... it's HER. It sounds like it wouldn't matter who she is dating, she can't trust them... and that's what she needs to work on.

Just my opinion though... I'm assuming things so I might very well be wrong :o

I would still apoligize but tell him of the bad day that you were havingand that he cannot be controlling like he was. Also make it a point to say that you can't run that far and just because you are younger that doesn't mean you can run farther. Like a 15 year old can't run a marathon in the olympics like a 30 year old person could. It all depends on the person and he needs to become more understanding.

What if I were to ask him about it and he lies anyway (though I already know what's going on)??

Where can I find these workbooks?

No offense, but I think you should let your man have his time alone to go jogging, while you can spend your time doing something you like to do... jogging to me is a solitary activity unless you jog with someone who jogs at the same pace and doesn't talk! It's annoying to a jogger to have to constantly keep up with the conversation when they are probably trying to unwind from their day! If you can't keep up and shut-up... don't go!

Zoe I have to disagree with part of it (I'm sorry!). Well actually I don't disagree just a difference of opinion... she needs to work on herself outside of him.

I had to spread the rep, but you are absolutely right in that! She does need to work on herself. But she has to work on herself apart from working on the relationship if she wants it to work. What I meant when I said they both needed to put forth the effort was that both need to be working on the communication.

I am trying to work on the problems that I have. I'm taking it day by day and finding my own activities to do to keep my mind of minor altercations. I am using the advice that everyone had given me.

ZoeMarie: where can I find these workbooks you were talking about?

Oh I'm sorry. I missed that part didn't I? You know, I actually saw something at Target the other day, but I don't remember what it was called. I would imagine any book store would have them. My husband and I got a book called "Simple Secrets to a Great Marriage" for our wedding. It's geared toward couples that want to improve their relationship, whether they're engaged, married, or thinking about either. It's actually helped us understand each other quite a bit.

HotP it would do you some good to have contact (conversation) with someone who has gone through and dealt with the feelings you are having. I was where you were once as well. Self help books are all right, but nothing beats talking to someone with experience, you know?

Honest communications-

Even though you talk to some one, they have to be willing to listen, so they can understand. One thing that I think is so important is, not only putting your feelings out there, but your issues also. He needs to know you have have trust issues, and why, as well as be reassured that your trying to do better in that regard, with words and actions, from you.

Is this something you have relayed to him, about yourself??

I think you get a much better reaction, when your completely honest. When your actions and words are impulsive, and not very well thought out, your asking for trouble, and I have to agree with Zoe about one thing, he has a responsibility also to talk and listen and not just react, as I have learned when we are dealing with our own feelings, we tend not to pay a lot of attention to the feelings of others, and just never question why someone acts the way they, do, or do what they do. That's a lack of understanding that comes from not having honest communications, from either partner. Reactions without facts are just assumptions, and thats not communicating.

You have issues that needs working on, but clearly, so does he. You can only control yourself, not him, so if your issues push him away, don't take all the blame, because he has to be willing to address the issues too.

Yes he knows that I have trusting issues. I've told him that. He told me that that was something that I need to work on on my own. So...

Your right about talking to someone about these issues but if I were to go see a therapist, you have to have insurance, I don't have that. And I don't know a lot of people that have gon through what I have gon through. Only some of the people on this site

I actually went to a counselor when I had these problems... I used to EXTREMELY jealous and overprotective. Sometimes we see the faults in ourselves become self destructive... that was the point I was at.

These things happen and everybody has their off days. If you're not a jogging enthusiast (and I take it that you're not), then the next time he asks you to go jogging with him, just say "no, but I'll make sure to have some ice cold lemonade ready for you when you get back."

How come when you get with someone in a relationship, at the beginning of it everything is perfect, like all the romance you see on TV...

For example, I have a boyfriend. When we first got together he would take me out to eat, call just to hear my voice, buy my special gift, (whether it just be a card) buy me flowers etc. Everything was great. I felt like a princess the way he treated me at the time.

Now I'm not saying that there is anything wrong right now. I'm just wondering why guys don't do that stuff anymore after the relationship turn old, and you been with that person for more than a year. See, I still treat my boyfriend the same way now as we were when we first got together. I write him notes every once in a while just to tell him how special he is to me, and send him text messages at work just to let him know that I'm thinking about him.

Because guys have the rational thought to understand that finances come into play... it is cool to do something special, but most of the stuff we as guys "have" to do to make you feel special involve spending money.

I have no problem with doing the little things, notes etc, but that is generally looked upon as the female's job, while we have to whine and dine, buy flowers, jewelry all that expensive stuff. I would rather save money and go on a nice vacation or romantic get away. Just me... and don't bash me too hard ladies, I am just letting my opinion be heard.

It's the thrill of the "chase" and the feeling of the unexpected. After you have been "won over" he doesn't feel the need to do all those things again. It sounds primal and stupid but it's pretty much true. We as humans have these instincts to want what we can't have, and chasing after a woman is one of those instincts. It's the feeling of the "hunt".

Also there's the feeling of monotony... when everything stays the same on a day-to-day basis it can get a little boring for some people. I'm not saying it means he loves you any less, but he doesn't have to put as much effort into winning your affection since he knows he already has you.

I have read a book or two on this matter and I can give you some titles if it interests you.

I'm just wondering why guys don't do that stuff anymore after the relationship turn old, and you been with that person for more than a year.
You want the most honest, most ruthless answer? Because sh*t gets old.

Relationships are tough to maintain. The made-for-TV couples that we may see from time to time involve two people who instinctively know how keep things fresh by not over doing it. It's probably this type that buys an RV or a touring bike and drive all over the country after retirement. If you're boyfriend bought you flowers every single day for a year, it wouldn't be a treat, it'd just be a routine, and what's the fun in that?

This is why I say space is a great thing to have in a relationship. It'll force you to break that routine and keep the mystery and excitement alive.

Honeymoon phase. The first 18 months are the honeymoon phase. You don't fight and if you do its not a bad fight. But after 2 -5 years of being with someone you fight a lot more and have less romance.

Think of it like this. If you JUST met someone in a restaurant and they did something to tick you off, you wouldn't slug them in the arm and call them a jerk.. but take my best friend of 20 years. If he got on my nerves I'd pop him in the arm and tell him to shut up. After 20 years of knowing him I treat him different or worse than you'd treat a stranger. Why? Because we have a relationship that's lasted so long we know that doing that stuff won't offend each other and break our friendship up. But with a stranger you don't know them, so if you yell at them or etc they will react in a way you don't know and aren't prepared for.

Same with a new relationship. If you are boring and lame the first 2 months she will be tired of you and move on. So you give her flowers and chocolates, take her out, tell her how beautiful she is. But after 5 years, you've had the milk and the cow. You've seen her in her worst and best, so you wake up, call her, go to eat food, and hang out. You don't show up in your best outfit possible with a flowers. You show up in Jeans and your hair is messed up.

I love the thrill of the chase and those first few months of heat and lust...

But,I prefer when things settle down,when I can rely on him,when he has become my confident and friend and lover.

Give him a little nudge,
Like kc I like the weekends away to lots of little things,but a little thing to me is running a bath for me,or getting me my favorite bar of chocolate when he's getting petrol,just because!

Because I'm out of money and your expectations are too high.

First book is "Men Made Easy"... it's kind of corny but quite insightful...
Amazon.com: Men Made Easy : How to Get What You Want from Your Man: Kara Oh: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Men-Made-Easy-What-Want/dp/0966787595)

2nd is "Why Men Love es"...
Amazon.com: Why Men Love es: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship: Sherry Argov: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-es-Relationship/dp/1580627560/ref=pd_sim_b_6)

I hope everyone that posted an answer knows that I was just asking this question out of curiosity. But the different answers that I received were really helpful and I appreciate them.

Like I was saying before the little things are what keeps me going. I like to receive little love notes every now and then, a back rub or foot rub etc. Those things don't cost money.

Shoot I treat my boyfriend like a king (without buying him things half the time). I would expect to get the same treatment.

Thanks jmooney :-) Did these books help you at all?

But it's a slippery slope. It's harder to appreciate something when you get it all the time... especially without asking.

I'm not saying doing nice things is bad... just don't too it ALL the time, especially if you don't feel appreciated for doing it.

Thanks jmooney :-) Did these books help you at all?

It helps understand human nature and how people act the way they do... I'm naturally inquisitive so I find this kind of stuff interesting.

I didn't read the 2nd book but I've heard a lot of good things about it from people who have.

Ok well thanks for the titles. I'll have to check them out.

I;m not saying that he should do it everyday. Every once in a blue moon. My boyfriend just bought me flowers 3 weeks ago after 2 years!! I was the happiest person

And I wasn't insinutating that you were, I was just giving you a general answer to your general question.

Shoot I treat my boyfriend like a king (without buying him things half the time). I would expect to get the same treatment.

And you should get the same treatment but what you need to realize is as guys its way harder for us to do those things,if he's doing absolutely nothing than there's a proublem and talk it out but if he's just doing less give him the credit and go way over board thanking him and making over it then hell see hey I need to do this more often.
But don't start the tic for tac thing that's just going to discourage you

I'm going to simply things a bit.

Relationships are about making each other happy. People change over time. The little things done in the beginning are important to court someone. Once courted and you become a more serious couple, you expect bigger things for each other. Thus, less time for the little things.

The little things are important, but the bigger things are even more important.

When the honeymoon is over the reality sets in and you see that its two people who are different trying to work, and live together. Much different than dating, as you have to communicate, and be reasonable in your demands. The other posters are right, things change and you have to adjust to your partner as you learn more about their ways. And they learn more about you.

Just remember, as you have issues, so does he.

I think what counts more are the little things that are done on a consistent basis,holding the door for you,telling you he loves you out of the blue and not just at the end of a phone call.
My wife brings me a cup of coffee every morning and sets it next to me on the night stand,doesn't sound like much but I can count on one hand how many times she hasn't done it in 11 years.

Aww zippit that was nice

I'll keep that in mind

Ok, everyone has something that they need to work on. Me, I need to work on myself esteem, jealousy, and relationship security. Other than those things, my relationship with my boyfriend is great. Anyone have an idea on how to stop these feelings that I have?

No one is answering this thread because there is not a specific question. I'd dig deeper into what your problems are and post them...

A

Oh OK thank you

Hey Room!

My boyfriend keeps his phone with him. He will take his phone with him if he goes to take the trash out, sometimes when he goes to the bathroom, and when he gets in the shower. I don't understand why he does that. Last night my boyfriend got in the shower and he had his phone on top of the toilet. I'm like, "why does he always do that" I didn't say this to him but I thought it. Its not like he really needs the phone with him while he's in the shower. It really bothers me when he does this because it just tells me that he doesn't trust me. Yeah I've went through his phone 3 or 4 times since we been together (and we've been together for 4 years). But if he doesn't have anything to hide it shouldn't be a problem for him to leave his phone out around me.

What do you guys thinks?

What do you guys thinks??

I would kick any gal to the curb at the first instance of going through my phone (and I don't have a phone) while we were dating unless it was an actual somebody's-gonna-freaking-die emergency. Married'd be 'nother matter. But, after three or four times I wouldn't trust you either.

My boyfriend does the same thing. And I'm pretty sure it's simply to annoy me. He'll sometimes leave it out and I'll go through it (I get bored. I never expect to find anything). And even when his entire inbox is from me he'll come back and grab it away. It's almost more of a game now for us

Yeah but we been together for 4 years. I went through his phone 3-4 times since then. That's pretty good if you ask me. Compared to other girls out here that go through their boyfriends phone everyday! So I'm not even trying to here that.

It's not like he never went through my phone. I can leave my phone out without a problem because I don't have anything to hide.

Yeah that does make a little sense but I think its stupid lol. Ya know what I mean?

I do the same thing mostly just out of habit. I paid nearly 600 bucks for my phone (it is special) it is never out of my sight. I actually get kind of bugged out if I don't have my phone. Not because I think my wife is going to go through it but because I think I lost it and my wife would beat my @$$ if I lost it.

Lol Well I understand where you are coming from. I get like that too sometimes especially when I cam out at the store or something. I always figure I left my phone on a counter or something.

I can kind of see where your coming from, however at the same time I am the same way with my phone. It a habit that I got into a long time ago. Where I go my phone goes. That's all it is in some cases. A habit created a long time ago that isn't a problem so it doesn't need to be broken. My boyfriend is the same way with his phone.

You don't feel any kind of way when your boyfriend takes his phone everyone where he goes? Like to the bathroom etc?

I cannot begin to imagine how many threads you have started based upon your blatant insecurities! Relax girl and enjoy yourself. Quit trying to make fire out of bricks. ;)

Thanks kctiger :o I will keep that in mind.

You don't feel any kind of way when your boyfriend takes his phone everyone where he goes?? Like to the bathroom etc?

Honestly no I don't, because I do the same thing. We share everything anyway so whether I read it in his phone or he tells me it really doesn't matter to me at all. I trust him 1000% so there is no reason for me to worried or need to think anything different. If you trust him there is no need to worry

Thank you green for that. That makes me feel better

I cannot begin to imagine how many threads you have started based upon your blatant insecurities! Relax girl and enjoy yourself. Quit trying to make fire out of bricks. ;)
I have to agree, thats why they have all been merged.

I think you question things he does, way too much, instead of relaxing a bit. Then maybe you can enjoy yourself more. But I can understand your curiosity, but not getting carried away by your feelings. Most times some plain conversations get better results.

Keep asking questions, but keep them on the same thread, when they are about the same guy

Threads merged

Hello!

Last night me and my boyfriend got into a argument. He asked me if I trusted him and I told him yes somethimes. Rather than asking me why, he flips off on me. I trust my boyfriend to a certain point and that certain point is how he acts when he is on his phone. Like if he gets a text he covers the screen to respond back or he will move to another spot in the room away from me so I can't see it, or he will just lay on his back. I told him this and he assumes that I don't trust him at all. I trust him when he is away from me, out with his friend etc... just when it comes to him and his phone... makes me feel a little suspicious.

I have a myspace page, with only 9 friends (3 of them guys that I went to school with). One of the guys left a comment on my pic and said "work hard. Im watching u lol" cause I was at work when I took the pic. So I responded and said "lol i didnt work hard then". The problem is the comment wasn't with the picture it was on other comments that other of his friends made. SO my boyfriend thinks I was talking about having sex with this guy when I said "i wasnt working hard then". If he looks at the date and the time the comment was posted he would know that they are supposes to be together.

So basically, when we were arguing he was making me feel like crap! Telling me he's right and I'm wrong, said he's not stupid and he know when a person is lying, and then he called me stupid.

Oh and he also told me that he was going to propose to me on christmas, but said that he was going to cancel it because I don't trust him.

Does anyone know how I should react to this?? I've been crying on and off since last night

Thanks:confused:

Don't cry leave, or change sleeping arrangements. Being that nasty is uncalled for period. He sounds like he was picking a fight on purpose to me. I think your right, as he should have asked why you feel the way you do.

Me and my boyfriend got into a argument last Thursday. He was out drinking with his brother before we had this argument. It wasn't too bad of an argument though. He asked me if I trust him. And I told him Yes sometimes. He never asked me what were the reasons, he just automatically snapped on me. Claiming I don't trust him at all, which isn't true. Yes, I've had trusting issues before but I trust my boyfriend a lot more now than before. There was only one thing that makes me wonder about him. And that is him being sneaky when he's either texting etc. Like if we are sitting next to each other and he texts somebody he uses his other hand to cover the phone screen so I can't see what he is writing. Or he will move to another part of the room to finish the text or he will turn over and lay on his back. That's the only problem I am having with him. Other than that I do trust him.

So he goes on bringing up all the bad things in our relationship (making it seem like its my fault that we have arguments). Then he called me stupid. Then he says "I was going to propose to you on christmas but ima cancel that now". So you know I hurt. I have been nothing but a good woman to him.

I told my mom about it. She said that he was just playing mind games with me. She thinks that he just said he was going to cancel the proposal because he knows that that is something I want and he want me to stress over him. Makes sense but I don't know. Still makes me sad in a way.

The next morning after our argument he asked me if I was still mad at him and said that he still loves me... but he never apologized. I was thinking about apologizing to him about our argument cause he hasn't apologized yet. Does anyone have any advice??

Um, there's a difference between being the bigger person and being the doormat. So before I give any advice, I want to make sure I'm not encouraging you to be his doormat. Is he like that all the time? Was it only because he was intoxicated? Is he regularly intoxicated or is it only on the rare occasion? If this is a one time deal and you're seriously committed, I'd say talk things out while he's sober and both of you move on. But if this is regular, I have to wonder why bother staying with him. If he's regularly going to mess with your head on purpose, sounds like you'd be better off without him.

No this doesn't happen all the time. He's not a big drinker. Just a one time thing. But he is a very emotional person when he does drink though which isn't often

I think there is something else behind this issue.

He dangled an engagement proposal in front of you-- something is fishy.

That's just what I think.

I suggest talking to him about it in a few days after both him and you cool down.

Sarah

I still don't see any reason for you to apologize. I'm not clear on what you did to apologize for. Did I miss something?

I agree with mudweiser, talk when you've both cooled down.

Actually I didn't do anything wrong. I just thought that maybe apologizing is the best thing to do.

Were both cooled down. He was all extra nice to me the next day after out argument.

Mudweiser, what do you think is fishy?

Actually I didnt do anything wrong. I just thought that maybe apologizing is the best thing to do.


Stand your ground. No need to give in to him when you did nothing wrong. That will just help this problem to happen again and again.

Thanks unaffected.

Hey guys!

There is something I need to vent about, and if anyone has advice it would be helpful to me. I'd appreciate anything.

Every time my boyfriend has off from work and I have to work I get mad. Why? I don't know. I don't get mad all the time, I would say 50% of the time I get mad. Don't know why I get like this either. Like I'm always wondering what he is going to do with his day, who he's going to do it with and where he's going if he goes anywhere. It sucks!

So I'm at work now, not having a good day knowing my boyfriend is at home and I'm not with him. Does anyone have advice on how to chill this out.

Thanks!

You can't let things like this get to you. Right now I am at work and my girlfriend is at home in bed. I can't do anything about it. I have been here since 6 this morning and don't get off until 5. Then She will be in class by the time I get off work. So, I won't see her until 9:30 or so. It really does suck being away from the one you love and it seems unfair and you always wonder those things but you have to do things to keep your mind off it. Do you call him any through the day or text him?

You need to let him enjoy his time off and not be so selfish. It's a part of growing up.

You need to realize that each of you have your own lives. Don't be so dependent upon him or you will end up chasing him away.

Do you get mad when he works and you are not working?

Heck, I work 7 pm to 7 am, my husband works 8am to 6pm. We never see each other but have a great relationship.

Yes I do call him throughout the day.

No I don't get mad when he works and I'm off

Do you trust him?

Yes I do trust him to a certain point

To a certain point? Can you elaborate?

Yes, Trust is a thing in question here. If you are getting mad because you think he is doing something behind your back then maybe you two should have a talk. Well, as long as you keep in touch throughout the day it should make it easier.

So you said you don't get mad when he works and you are off. Does this mean you enjoy your free time and your space away from him from time to time?

Trust is key. If you fully trusted him then you wouldn't feel so threatened when you are at work and he's at home. Did he do anything that gives you reason not to fully trust?

Another merged thread

Based on your entire story, this has been a trust issue from the beginning and not only a different-working-hours issue.

NO trust = NO relationship

Yes it is a trust issue and yes he has done something to make me feel this way. A few months ago he was at his co workers house (a female) tryna learn how to work his myspace page and when I called him he woudnlt answer. Then he tried to lie about it when he got home.

That's the kind of stuff I think about when he's home and I'm not. Like is he going to do it again? Ya know what I mean?

I trust him but when it comes to other girls that's when I get suspicious of him. And that's because of what he did. I try to get over that but its not easy. Cause I never experienced that before.

I understand how you feel. There are a couple things you can do. You can either talk it out and try to regain trust OR you end it, move on, and find a person who you can leave behind at home and not feel paranoid. BUT if you do decided to work on this relationship you really have to TRY. Only you can let yourself trust... not him.

Sometimes things like that will make you feel insecure but you have to try and look past it. I was cheated on a couple of times in the past and with the girls after that I always had trust issues for awhile. So many relationships after I finally got over it. You have to learn to trust and not be over obsessed with it and think what he is doing is something so simple instead of so complex.

I feel you on the friends thing. I don't have anything to do when I get off work because I lost a lot of friends after high school and my best friend works nights so I don't have anybody to hang with so I sit at home by myself. When I am at work she usually has a couple free hours to do something like go grab a bite to eat with some friends or something until she has to go to work or class. So I am in the same situation as well. You just have to keep your mind off it. I spend my day on here at work. Maybe you should too.

We've talked about it before. And he said he understands where I was coming from. I don't want to have to keep talking about it with him cause that will just start an argument (something I want to avoid).

What's the best way to keep my mind off it though??

Once I think I'm fine. I go right back to thinking about it. I do try but its not an easy thing

It may not be easy at first but it will come easier eventually. Try helping around here on AMHD and not talking about it because that just makes it worse.

Thanks Adam! I appreciate your kind words

Anytime you need anything just know we are here to help.

Hello Room!

There is just something that I need to vent and get off my chest because I don't want to have a bad day because of this.

Ok... I have to be at work at 8:00am. I live in walking distance from my job. Im not a morning person and hate waking up, but I do wake up at a reasonable time to get to work. Sometimes I get to work at exactly 8am and other times I get there 5 minutes later (8:05) which isn't bad really. I only overslept 4 times since I been at my job. And I've been working here for 1 1/2

My boyfriend says to me this morning that I need to start waking up early to get to work on time.. then gets on my case about it saying that I don't care and whatnot. Which isn't true. But duh I think I know what time I get to work everyday. I don't need someone else telling me that. I know I should wake up earlier but that something I have to do. It has nothing to do with him.

I don't even know why he cares anyway. He always seems to care about the "bad" stuff but never the good stuff that I do. It pisses me off. So now I'm having a jacked up morning at work.. ALL because of him! I don't even want to talk to him now.

What do you guys think?

I think you have a talent for getting angry at things that really don't merit energy. He cares because I would care to. I cannot stand people who are constantly either late or get to work right on time. Applying a little more effort goes a long way. Perhaps he is just ensuring you are in good standings with your boss. You two are living together and splitting the bills, far as I'm concerned, your job is his business, just as his job situation is.

By the way, and I'm not trying to act like a jerk, does your boyfriend do anything that you actually like or that makes you happy?

I remember posts from you before and it usually has to do with you being mad at your boyfriend or you being jealous of him. I think he is just trying to help you out. I really don't know his tone of voice when any of this was said so I don't know. If you don't want him to be involved in your life or any of your chioces tell him to leave you alone and see where that gets you. I am pretty sure where it would get you and I think you know too so it seems you want it that way, so why don't you do it?

Sometimes I get to work at exactly 8am and other times I get there 5 mins later (8:05) which isnt bad really.

Isn't really bad? I doubt your opinion counts for much with your employer. Most of the companies I've been associated with would show you the door for repeated tardiness.


I dont even know why he cares anyways. ...What do you guys think?

I think that if the two of you are living together and you contribute to the household's finances, he has a legitimate and valid interest in your ongoing employment status.

My job is fine with a few minutes late. Its just 5 minutes. My boss doesn't even come in on time for that matter and he starts at 8:30. He doesn't get to work until 8:40.

If I were to say something to my boyfriend about him being late he would get a attitude with me telling me to mind my business. That's how he is.

I don't need somebody telling me what I already know. That is what upsets me

Well tell him to mind his own business then.

As far as being late and following what your boss does isn't a great idea. He is the boss and can do what he wants. Where I work we start the day at 6 in the morning. He gets here at 8 or 9. We end the day at 5. He leaves around 3. We would like to do that and still get paid but unfortunately we can't. If he checks your time and sees repetitive tardiness that might upset him. Does your company have a grace period? I know I have a 5 inute grace period so if I clock in 3 minutes late it can't be held against me.

We don't clock in at my job. We type our time into the computer and save it. And you can put your time in at any time of the time of the day.

I'm not doing what my boss does. I do try to leave on time but it seems like every morning my something happens as I'm getting dressed.

This is just something I need to work on by myself. I'm not happy about it but I don't need someone telling met this.

Maybe I'll start going to be at 10 from now on

I don't understand that last part. What about 10? I understand how things happen when you are trying to get ready and it delays you. We can't expect them to happen but we can try to prepare for them. Just calmly tell him that you are trying to work on it but you can do it on your own. Leave it at that and try not to start an argument over it.

I meant maybe I'll start going to bed at 10:00 pm at night from now on. Earlier than usual.

No I wouldn't start an argument about that. That's stupud. My whole thing is "i already know, dont remind me". That's all.

Well, make it clear to him. It shouldn't be to hard. I get up at 6 every morning because I started coming to work at 7. I go to bed around 10 or 11 every night and I'm usually not late.

He's just the type of guy who likes to be punctual, whether your boss cares or not. If you can be late for work, who knows what else you can be late for. You can't blame him for his personality trait and boiling it over to you. Just like he can't blame you for being the type of person who is late.

You need to have a better communication system between the two of you. Both of you have to realize that you're two different people, though you might mean well for each other, you're still independent from one another with independent character traits.

Girls are way different than guys though. We want to make sure out outfits are good before we walk out the door. I don't have a lot of winter clothes so that makes it hard for me pick something out to wear. And it doesn't make it any better working at a job that is below 50 degrees.

Proper planning can prevent poor performance... old management adage that applies here. I know plenty of women that are passionate about ensuring they show up early to work so they can start their day. I don't think this is a gender issue. I work in a professional corporate environment and I can assure you I care about how I look just as much as the women do.

Either way, I do think it boils down to communication between yourself and your boyfriend.

Girls are way different than guys though. We want to make sure out outfits are good before we walk out the door. I dont have alot of winter clothes so that makes it hard for me pick something out to wear. And it doesnt make it any better working at a job that is below 50 degrees.

That's a HUGE generalization. Some guys take longer to get ready. Some girls are even faster than boys.

The point is, if you knowthat you're the type of person who takes longer to get ready, then start getting ready sooner. It's called: "time management".

This is not a court of law. There's no right or wrong. You can be as late as you want. If you don't mind being late, then that's your business. You just need to make it clear to your boyfriend that being punctual is not your priority and he will have to learn to accept your personality. Again, communication is key.

You seem easily irritated, and it spills over into your whole day. That's something you must be able to express to your boyfriend, so he can adjust to it, and give you a chance to adjust to him. Don't be mad at him for having your best interests at heart, he also has a vested interest in your success too.

Try to understand your being late for work may be irratating to him.

Yeah I know that. It just doesn't always work out that way. I don't think anyone would understand anything not unless they were actually here with me to see it

I appreciate his concern but he doesn't have to say as if he's my father.

I don't think its irritating to him. Cause if it does he doesn't show it.

Honest constructive dialog may prove you wrong. Back in the early days I can remember my wife telling me not to act like her father, so I had to make adjustments to how I convey my concerns. Okay, I'll confess, she still reminds me when I get close to the line, and piss her off, LOL some guys just need reminding. (gently of course, or the EVIL EYE works just as well)

Lol... Well guess what everyone?! I was on time for work this morning!! YAH!! I pushed myself to do it, though I was still sleepy and not wanting to get out of bed. My boyfriend said he was proud of me.

So am I.

Thank you... I was on time today too as a matter of fact.

Hmmm, seems to be a new pattern emerging. That's good. Has it made a difference in your days?

This girl is funny. My girlfriend was similar to you, which is why we didn't work. I was always blamed for everything even though I had the best intentions. She was always wanting to know who text me or who is calling late and I would tell her all the time quickly. What happened when I asked her? She would eventually show it but with a big fight of how I don't trust her. What a double standard all the time. Yet I dealt with it but somehow she couldn't and dumped me after all.

I hope you don't do the same. Don't let little things bother you and remember the good the two of you have. Also, a big one for me which is why my relationship ended... DONT DO ANYTHING YOU Wouldn't LIKE DONE TO YOURSELF. My ex did and well I couldn't understand and I did something back and now we are over. I feel bad everyday but at the end, I know its her fault for doing something for the 3rd time that she would have dumped me if I did it once. Go figure.

Yes Talaniman it does make a difference. I don't have to rush to do anything lol. Which is great!!

And Emo, I don't nag my boyfriend about who texts him. The only time I ask is if I feel he's being sneaky. And I don't pick fights with him. Yes I do get mad at some things that he does but not enough to start a fight. I like to avoid those as much as possible.

My relationship with my boyfriend is great!! We live in a efficiency! Which is no bigger than a hotel room lol. Been living there for 4 years! We barely argue. But we eventually make up within the next hour or so lol. Cause its not like we have another room to go to. We just have a little communication problem is all. Something that we both need to work on.

Sounds like great progress! Keep it up!

If you ever have problems again, you know where to find u!

Maybe you could tell us what you've done to help you get to work on time? It could help others knowing what you did for this success story!

As for the communication issues with your boyfriend. It doesn't happen overnight, it's a process. But as long as there's progress, you will feel more optimistic!

I just started going to be a little bit earlier. Though to me doesn't always help cause I love to sleep lol. But I started going to bed a little earlier and in the morning when my alarm goes off I try not to hit the snooze button. I try to get out the bed when the alarm goes off the first time. That snooze button will get you into trouble lol! But I'm still working on it. Its only been 3 days! But so far so good!

Yea there is some progress in the communication. Its definitely going to take some time cause its hard for me to open up to people. Don't know why its so hard with my boyfriend. I been with him for 4 years! You would think I'd have it by now. But I'm taking it a day at a time

Hello!

My finace and I are about to purchase a car within the next couple of months. I just received my w2s and was planning to use the money that I got back to get my own car. And my fiancé was going to use his bonus to get a car.

Now we have talked about the car thing and we were going to just share the car (at least for now) which does seem smart to me. Notice, we both have different work shifts. The way we were thinking to work it out was... if he has to go into work late, he takes me to work. And if he has to go into work before me, I take him to work. I have a set schedule. Seems like it will work to me.

What do you guys think? You think that would be fine to share or does getting my own car sound like the better decision?

Just a few more questions?

Who's going to pay for the upkeep of the car?

Who's going to put fuel in the car?

Who's going to make the payments if any, on the car?

If you breakup (it happens) who gets the car?

Its not just about sharing in the use of the car but the other requirements of the car.

Settle all the questions BEFORE purchase,that way there is less likely to be an row over who was supposed to do what.

Well we both going to share the cost of the car. Hes buying it with his work bonus.

Oh don't worry, I don't plan on sharing a car forever. Income tax time next year, Im getting my own car.

During these tough economic times, sharing a car does seem to be a wise decision. Do you currently share a car? What's the set up like now?

If you can settle on the use and upkeep of the car,its fine to share the cost and running.

For me personally I prefer to have my own car,I pay for it,I can come and go as I please,and I'm not waiting for someone to get home so I can go.

Yeah that is what I was thinking. No we have never shared a car before. We've never had our own car before. We would always drive family members vehicles

What do you mean what is the set up?

Like if you owned a car now, but since you don't it's no longer an issue.

Sometimes it all depends on how you started as a couple. My wife and I had already established careers and we were independent to begin with. We each had cars and decided to keep it that way. Now with two kids and various sports and hobbies we could never be a one car family.

Im having a bad day because I don't really want to be at work today. Im also a little jealous that my fiancé gets out of work early today, so that is kind of making my day more bad.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this and have a good day?

Thanks!

Just get on with your work and distract yourself, focus on what you have to do.
You are obviously on AMHD from work, not a good idea if you are supposed to be working.

Tick

Im on AMHD to get advice on how to go on about my day positively cause Im having a bad day, not playing.

It's Friday!

Do this, look at the local obituary page, if you don't see your name in there, you should be having a better day than those people that ARE on the list.

Be grateful for what you DO have.

Snap out of it, and plan a great weekend!

I feel your pain hotpotato. My wife is off today and I would love to be at home right now. But I can't because I had a big meeting this morning. So to make up for this I think I am going to treat myself to a great lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant near my job.

So I say if you can treat yourself to a great lunch. You can leave your job for a little bit and have some alone time. Then when you get back from your great lunch you will only have a few hours left. Hope this helps. Good Luck today!!

Thanks spitvenom :-). Problem is, I brought a packed lunch to work.

Some times you have to say forget the lunch I brought and treat yourself.

Yeah I guess so

It is almost Noon on the east coast so you should be about half way through your day!

Your day is probably over now, so you're home free. No further chance of anybody making your day, "more bad".

You know the thing about having a bad day is because you woke up and expected it. Just try to be happy and patient with work. Don't be a brat. There's many people without jobs who can't make their monthly bills or feed their family. At our current economic situation we who have jobs should be very thankful that we do. :) Plus being positive will make things a hell lot better. :D

Thanks RubyGM

Hi you guys! Its been awhile since I been here :-) hope all is well with everyone.

Anyhow, I am having a little problem with my fiancé. One minute he's fine and in a happy and playful mood and then the next he act like he has a attittue with me or don't want to be around me and barely talks to me. And I haven't done anything wrong!!

Like today, he comes running into the bedroom where I'm at and dances in front of me (ya know being playing) happy and all. Then he goes back into the living room to watch TV. So then about 30 minutes later I go into the living room where he was... he's wrapped up in a blanket with the light off watching TV like he gone fall asleep on the couch. So anyhow, I go sit next to him and say "I hope your not going to sleep out here" and he just looks at me as if I'm bothering him or I did something wrong.

So when he does come in the bedroom I ask him what's wrong and he says "nothing" and pretty much goes to sleep. All this happned within 1 hour and 30 minutes lol. I don't understand what is wrong with him. What should I do you guys?

Hi, HotPotato2009!

Concerning a mid-life crisis, I would think that age 30 would still be a bit young for that to be happening. I went through mine from about ages 40 - 45.

Is there anything happening currently in his life that might be causing him to have stress? Also, does this sort of thing between you and him happen frequently, as far as the mood changes are concerned, please?

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question.

Thanks!

It sounds like he was trying to get some "action". And since it took you a whole 30 minutes (I know), he had his wittle feewings hurt.

Is he childish? Does he act immature?

Some guys go through stages when they realize that they are not 21 any longer. That they stand out at college aged parties, and no longer get carded. But this sounds like because you weren't immediately aroused and receptive when he "presented", the offer was removed from the table. He might have even "finished" without you.

Try talking. Stroke his ego, but don't compromise yourself.

People think that women are complex creatures. Men sometimes are too. But mainly it's food, entertainment, sex, and sleep. I wouldn't look too deep into this.

Good luck.

Okay what did I miss. He was falling asleep on the couch, and he came to bed, and fell asleep? What's to wonder? Sleepy guys don't share, and I see no reason to make this a big deal.

How do you get mid life crisis from this? Or even mood swings?

@ JMJOSEPH - No he didn't want any action at the time. I know how he get when he want to get action, and that was not it.

He's way too young for a mid-life crisis.

How long have you been together? Has this moodiness surfaced at other times in your relationship or is this something new?

If you’ve been together for a significant period (over a year) then you should know him well enough to determine if this is a personality issue or an isolated incident.

If it is an isolated incident, you need to find out what is troubling him (money, job security, etc).

If you can’t find a valid reason for his moodiness, then you might consider that he may be suffering from some depression and may need some outside help to overcome this.

There are so many possibilities for his demeanor. Can you provide some additional background information to help us point you in the right direction?

Have you tried talking with him about your concerns? An open and honest discussion might help resolve some parts of the problem.


HotPotato2009 agrees : Well he did have a small stroke a couple months ago. And I feel that he feels that he getting bored with his job and not having money, That could cause him stress

Did this happen before his stroke? If not, then it might be an idea to talk to his doctor about the side-effects of the stroke and the job related stress.

Is he looking for a better job?

Are you planning your wedding? That can be added stress, too.

@ DEVORAMERIA - What happens when a person goes through a mid life crisis?
He's had depressing moods from time to time after his stroke. And we just recently got a car too. So they could be it also. We have to pay $164 every other week then we have car insurance on top of that. I think the car may have added some stress too.

What kind of background do you want?

@ CAT1864 - I've tried talking to him about it, and sometimes he tells me and other times he says nothing.

He talks about looking for another job, but doesn't do it. He just talks about getting a part time job. He says that he wants to wait on me to get a permanent job before he looks for another job. But I feel he if wants a new job he should look for one. Cause it might take a while for me to find something permanent.

No, not planning a wedding yet. I think I may be the one stressed out more if we were planning a wedding :-)

Its clear he is under stress, and from the finances to his health, he may be distracted, but I doubt it's a mid life crisis. More like learning to deal with a tough situation sounds to me, and we men do get a bit moody, and distant, when we are looking for a comfort zone.

I don't think this is all unusual given the circumstances he has been through, and going through, so be supportive, and stay positive, and not take it personally, as it sounds like he is wrestling with a few things at the moment, and needs time to make the right adjustments for himself.

So patients, and understanding are your best bets. Don't try to fix him, he ain't broke, just "growing"

@ Talaniman - Thanks :-) I appreciate that. And I will try to stay positive. It's not always easy trying to stay positive because his attitude is kind of making me feel depressed in a way. You know, his depression affects me too, but I will try. I guess that's all I can do. And hope that he will tell me what's wrong

@ Talaniman - Thanks :-) I appreciate that. And I will try to stay positive. It's not always easy trying to stay positive because his attitude is kinda making me feel depressed in a way. You know, his depression affects me too, but I will try. I guess that's all I can do. And hope that he will tell me what's wrong

He will, but don't take his distraction PERSONALLY! :cool:

Is he on any medications?

Thanks :-)

@ CAT1864 - Yes he is. But he's been taking them for like 3 almost 4 months and he hasn't been acting this way. He takes some cholesterol pills that are supposed to lower his cholersterol and something else that I don't know the name of

Thanks :-)

@ CAT1864 - Yes he is. But he's been taking them for like 3 almost 4 months and he hasnt been acting this way. He takes some cholesterol pills that are supposed to lower his cholersterol and something else that I dont know the name of

I just wanted to make sure he wasn't having any issues with medications that could be causing their own issues along with what he is going through mentally.

Yea I understand what you mean. I really feel that he is just really tired of working where he is now. He's always told me that he wanted to get another job. He's also pretty good at drawing and I kind of think he wants to pick up on that more. But there aren't many art school for airbrushing around our area...

Change jobs is not to good of an option at this point in the economy, and trust me, I know the trapped feeling when your options are extremely LIMITED. That is depressing, as well as the fear of taking a chance with landing another job, when the hiring is tough, when you have a job, even one you hate. That's not easy, but he may get creative.

Cholesterol drugs have side effects, and he has to be tested every 3 months to see if they work, and he probably takes blood pressure meds and thinners also, having had a stroke. They too have to be monitored, and adjusted. Ask me how I know.

He seems to have a full plate.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/married-15-yrs-now-he-questioning-love-him-469922.html

You might gain insights from this thread, and know you're not alone.

Well you guys, I found out what was wrong with him. He said it was me! He said that he feels that I treat him like a child, because I asked him who he was talking to on Facebook. Now I'm not the type to ask every time, only sometimes (I would say like 40% of the time. Which isn't a lot compared to others. Then he said that he don't always want to me go to VA with him and then the issues about the car (that he claims in my fault) but its really not if you know the story behind it.

So I told him I was sorry if he felt that way. I don't understand why he don't tell me these things when the problem occurs. Like all those times, I asked him what was wrong,he said nothing. So how was I to know that he was feeling that way. He wait until things get so bad to say something.

But, I told him that I was try and slack off a bit.

It's normal to suffer from some depression after suffering a stroke. A stroke would make you realize that you aren't immortal.

I've heard people say that once they have a stroke they constantly worry about having another one - a really bad one, so that could present a lot of stress and worry.

With everything he has going on right now and knowing his history, I think you just need to be patient and supportive for a while longer. If he doesn't knock the depression in the next few months, he may need to see a health care professional to help him through this.

I don't buy his crock of crap, but you did the right thing by not making it a bigger deal than what it is. That's a great sign, that you can deal with his mood swings, and weird a$$ thinking, and actions.

"Its never about what life throws at you, Its how you deal with it that counts!"

Yeah. I do try. Sometimes I get a urge to say things, but I know how sensitive he is, so I try to walk away.

I don't think he's being fair though. He really hurt my feeling a bit by blaming me for his depression. The last thing I want to do is depress someone

Entire story merged

Hi everyone!

Some of you here know the issue with what happened about a year ago with my fiancé and his coworker. But for those of you who don't, here's a recap:

In February, (boyfriend) at the time, got busted! He was at his female coworkers house getting help with myspace (use to be famous). I called his cell several times and he didn't answer. Well when I found out where he was, of course, he tried to lie about it. Played as if he didn't know who I was talking about, blah blah. Eventually he came out with the truth. He said nothing happened with her and that they are just friends and he was wrong for doing what he did. I forgave him, but this girl just rubs me the wrong way.

Now, she is supposed to be some "aspiring" singer. She coming out with demos and shows. My fiancé got her demo yesterday and I snapped! I didn't say anything, but you can see in my face that I wasn't all happy about it. He was saying things like "I'm so ecstatic to get this". So he gets mad at me.

Then 2 days ago, I will admit, I do go on his fb page and see who he makes comments too. Mainly to see what he post on her page. So I asked him about one post he made on her page and he got mad at me. Said that she pushes him to go back to school, etc. He says I don't do that for him. And that I need to step it up.

So as you can see, I am getting a feeling that I am slowly losing my man for his coworker. He tells me he don't want to be with her and that she is just his friend. But in my mind, isn't that usually how it starts? You become friends with someone who is doing 20% of what your spouse isn't doing, then you end up having feelings for that person and hanging out more, then you end up having sex with that person. I desperatly need some advice!!

This isn't about what he is doing to you. Its about him using her to make you jealous.

Why are you even trying to be with a guy who plays that game with your feelings? Don't you know that is a sign of control on his part?

Remove yourself from this situation, and worry no more.

I think men and women are capable of being friends with the opposite sex without sex coming into play. I just think you don't trust this guy since he lied and tried to hide it the past. However, once you took him you forgave and if you think you can't get over this then maybe you need to rethink this relationship.

By the way, why would you want to be her friend?

@ DaisyBoo -I firgured If I was her friend, maybe I wouldn't be so mad about him talking to her.. And your right, I don't trust him that much. I mean, I trust him to a certain point. I thought I was over it, but now that their friendship is still existing, for some reason I can't shake it off. I keep thinking, "is he going to sneak off with her again?"

You really need to step back, and get some clarity here so you can figure out what's really going on.

Said that she pushes him to go back to school, etc. He says I don't do that for him. And that I need to step it up.
That to me is a big red flag you should pay attention to. No way is that love, caring, or reassurance for your insecure feelings.

Yes, I agree with Talaniman. Your boyfriend is comparing you to her and throwing her in your face. And being her friend won't change the situation your in it will only make it more complicated.

Sometime we have to know when to throw in the towel.

I did apologize to him this morning. He said it was fine, but no he didn't apologize to me. I also asked him what was wrong with us starting off running together and if I get tired I'll walk? And then start back up. He said no stopping at all, so I said I wouldn't be able to do that and stayed home. He obviously don't care about me getting tired along the way.

I see red flags with his attitude. Sure he's a seasoned jogger, but obviously you aren't, and patience and understanding on his part is just not there.

Most men wouldn't mind at all walking until their girlfriend caught her breath. It's normal for a new jogger to have to take some breaks, and normal for a boyfriend to show some understanding.

He sounds harsh, demanding, and controlling - just not a pretty picture at all.

Ok, being her friend is out of the question then. Thanks guys!

Well I spoke with a lady today about counseling. I'm going to set a appointment and see what that can do for me... with my insecurity and trusting issues. I thought I would try another approach.

Sometimes I just don't understand why this girl bothers me. She's not pretty at all. Her face reminds me of a gorilla

Its not her, it's the attention and importance he gives her that has you frazzled.

Ever wonder why two females will fight in public, while the weasel in the middle looks on, and goes unscathed?

Watch Jerry Springer sometimes. Focus on his actions, not hers, and see what HE is doing, instead of being distracted by jealousy, insecurity, and confusion.

I will try that too then.

You guys, I have another issue!

Yesterday, I picked my fiancé up from work. He seemed fine, but not really talkative. So when we get home, he asks me "when am I going to start cooking because he got somewhere to be at 9" I ask him where he got to be, and he says a open mic. Of course, its his female coworkers open mike thing. You know, the one I was talking about in previous threads. Well... I ask him "can I go" and he gets a attitude with me! And says "where can he go by himself". He then leaves the house. I leave also... cause I had plans on going to the grocery store with my mom. When I come back, he's not speaking to me. Hasn't spoken to me ALL NIGHT! And not this morning either. So I ask him "are you not going to speak to me all day??" He shrugs his shoulders and says nothing. Then 5 minutes later he says, "i'm not mad, im just unhappy"

What gives you guys? This man is really confusing me!

One minute he telling people I'm the best, now this?? What to do?

Why didn't you ask him, "unhappy about what?". That would be my question.

Cause I was on my way to work. And I would rather not talk about "bad issues" before I go to work. I end up having a messed up day and everyone pretty much gets my attitude. Bad news before work, does not mix with me

I feel that you tried to handle the situation well. You asked him if you could join and he got defensive. What's to get defensive about?
Either he is really immature and doesn't know how to communicate correctly, or he has a crush on this girl and doesn't want you to see the obvious signs in person.

I'd sit him down and ask, what is making you unhappy

Well I got desperate and called and asked him. He said that he feels that I always have to have my eyes on him or know what he's doing or where he is at. He said that he feels that I am trying to handle him. Then said that he has to make himself happy for him

Hi everyone! Hope you had a great weekend! :-)

Okay, so here is what happened. I posted a status on Facebook saying "Sooooooooooo hungry right now" and one of my guy friends posted "that's why you need a real ni*** to bring you breakfast". And then his sister made a comment saying "hope its not you cause you can't cook" then he said "i wasnt talking about me"... now these two are nobody to really take seriously cause they always joke around like that so I thought nothing of it and just said "you guys are wild". So my fiancé reads the comments and calls my guy friend out, saying "thats not cool she got a real man". So then my fiancé calls me and says "you need to delete him off your friends list cause that was out of line". Also he says, that it was messed up of me cause I didn't take up for him by telling my guy friend that I got a real man. I told my fiancé I wasn't even thinking to say that cause my friend wasn't anyone to take seriously, but I deleted him off my friends list. My fiancé said it was cool and that he will just take care of himself from now on.

Then a few minutes after that my fiancé writes on my wall "i love you babe".

Now am I wrong for not telling my guy friend that "i got a real man"? I can understand where my fiancé is coming from but I don't think it was that serious to get mad about.

I've asked him one time before to delete someone off his friends list and he raised hell with me. Said that he is not deleting his friends off Facebook cause he knew them longer and before me.

What do you guys think?

If your BF gets mad from a Facebook post then you don't have a real man. You have a jealous insecure little boy.

Judging by your previous threads in regards to this guy, it seems like you both have a LOT of growing up to do before getting married.

It says a lot about someone when you have to constantly turn to this website with every argument or problem between you two. I hope that with a more developed mode of communication between you two, this won't become a pattern much longer.

@ kctiger -?? Meaning??

This seems to be an on-going issue with the two of you:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/argument-boyfriend-399792.html

He gets to play games with his co-worker and act up and you have to toe the line when your friends are playing around.

I think he has a bit of guilty conscience and the banter poked it. Are you getting better at communicating with each other?

@ kctiger - ??? meaning???

Meaning I have followed many of your threads and they all point to poor communication and blatant immaturity between the both of you. I'm not saying he is right, or you are right.

Anyone who takes anything on Facebook seriously should probably examine themselves and their life. No offense to you either, I just don't see why Facebook should be involved enough in two people's lives that it creates this sort of drama.

I feel that we are getting better at communicating with each other. I talk to him more about problems that I am having and things about our relationship. He communicates with me about some of his issues. But sometimes when I ask him what's wrong, sometimes he will tell me and other times he won't. Sometimes he will say, I'm not going to tell you cause you might get mad... but he will eventually tell me


@ kctiger - I agree with you with you to a certain point. I feel that my communication skills is improving a lot more better than before. And I only come onto this site for ADVICE about my problems. If I don't ask for some kind of advice then that's when stress and depression comes about.

HP I'm not trying to say that you aren't doing the right thing by trying to talk about things and getting help to resolve these issues. Your effort must be applauded because you definitely seem like you are trying everything to make things work between you two.

Maybe he needs to work on communicating as well. I hate to say this, but it sounds like he wrote that love note on your wall as a way to announce you are taken... just my opinion. I know how us guys can get easily offended by the stupidest things, but a line needs to be drawn. Maybe some counseling of some sort would be great for you two.

I would add controlling too.

Yeah maybe. Now he texted me and said he would like to talk to me when I get off work. So well see what he has to say about it all. See how he will try to flip things on me

Wow how immature!

I couldn't handle a guy who made me feel like I was doing something wrong by a friend posting something.

Then demanding I delete him and such. Wow

I would be very cautious, this seems to be the first signs of a controlling and possessive boyfriend.

Wow how immature!

I couldn't handle a guy who made me feel like I was doing something wrong by a friend posting something.

Then demanding I delete him and such. wow

I would be very cautious, this seems to be the first signs of a controlling and possessive boyfriend.

While I kind of agree with you, you do need to see this from the guys perspective. Some guy friend is basically hitting on your girlfriend and insulting you by saying she needs a real man. While it might be a silly Facebook post, would it be a different reaction if he said that in person?

Also think if the tables were turned, how would you feel if a girl went "you need a real girlfriend" on your boyfriends Facebook?

I'm not really sure in this situation, but just trying to play devils advocate.

I wouldn't call him immature or possessive because he became insecure about something another guy said, it happens to everyone once in a while.

I think both of you guys are immature. What kind of person post ""that's why you need a real ni*** to bring you breakfast". And what kind of person thinks it's funny or OK.
Your boyfriend is mad at you for not defending him and you're wondering if he should be mad. You both need to grow up.
If he is mad, he thinks he has something to be mad about, don't invalidate what he feels. If you think he is mad for no reason, talk to him about it. State how you feel.
I don't know why you two just don't leave each other alone.

Agreed.. maybe you should tell him to stop "checking" on your Facebook page. If he can't do the same thing (not wanting to delete some individuals when you asked him to), then he has no right to ask you to delete your friends..

@CarrotTalker: I feel what your saying. Thanks!

@Homegirl50: How does that make me immature??

I just read the whole thread,all 209 posts of 'he said ''i said'.

HP,your whole relationship is riddled with low self esteem,low confidence,bad communication skills,silly arguments and teenage behaviour,and not forgetting the 3rd party in your relationship, Facebook.

In saying all that something must be working because your both still together,I can't see it though.

As for the latest upset over Facebook,even I know after reading your thread he was going to be upset over it,and I've never even met the guy!

He gets upset over this stuff.

I can't see you leaving him,you both seem to be co-dependant on each other and feed off these squabbles,each trying to win in an endless power struggle.

Delete the friend and you will have peace,that sounds like bad advice,but at this stage in the game,I doubt anything but that will pacify him.

Find a way to compromise,when things calm down make a pact,you don't read his Facebook and he does not read yours.

Facebook has been the cause of rows in your house for over a year now,why keep going back over the same ground,compromise or lose Facebook.

You both need to find a new way to settle arguments,otherwise your still going to be having the same row in ten years time.

@ Redhead: Thanks :-) And your right! We're trying though! We do talk a lot more about our problems than we used to. Which is a great thing, because there used to be a time when we just wouldn't say anything to each other about it.

Myself esteem and confidence is sometimes drifts back and forth on the low side. But I'm working on that.

And I do have a little issue with one of his coworkers (the girl I've mentioned on here about). Sometimes I feel like being nice to her and other times I hate her, even though the situation happened a year ago. It's def not something easy for me to let go of because he still talks to her. Every now and then I think, "is he going to do it again?". It's always that thought. Can't seem to shake it off.

I would say that we are doing an okay job communicating. I mean it's a start. Could be worse. But it also could be better

@CarrotTalker: I feel what your saying. Thanks!

@Homegirl 50: How does that make me immature???
I am not the only one who says you are immature, I believe there were a few others before me.
You guys are arguing over something somebody said on face book, should I be mad? All this back and forth, insecurity, a girl he works with..
Go back and read all of your threads.
I think you both are acting like youngsters.

@Homegirl: We were not "arguing" over what was said on Facebook. It didn't even last a day! When I got home from work we talked about it and that was the end of it. He wasn't mad, I wasn't mad. He told me how he felt, I told him how I felt. Nothing immature about that.

And I don't need to go back and read my thread, I remember everything I wrote

There are so many threads merged here. The problem with Facebook, the problem with the trip to Va, the problem with the coworker.
Maybe immature is the wrong word.
I don't think you guys are compatible. I don't think you trust him and I don't think he much cares whether you do or not.

Now see another one about him getting on you about being late for work. It's always something.
I think you two are just not on the same page. You don't understand him and he does not seem to have much patience for you.

Yeah.. and I came to this site for advice about things. Not to be judged. Some of the advice that I have received worked because we are still together.

When we first got together we were great! But after the incident with his co-worker I started not trusting him as much. Can't blame me for that. How would you feel if your guy did that to you? You wouldn't trust him as much either. But the trusting thing is getting better. I don't nag him about things as much as I used to before, I don't question him about who he talking to on Facebook anymore (even though I want to sometimes), I don't follow behind him or get mad when he leaves the house... all from advice that I got from this site and my wonderful mom!

I'll learn to trust him 100% eventually. Not something you can rush. Like I said I'm working on it. I will get there. And I feel that I am doing better with that.

At the end of the day, if he can't earn your trust back, then this relationship is doomed nor matter how hard you try.

If you believe that there is progress, then there's reason to go forward.

Now see another one about him getting on you about being late for work. It's always something.
I think you two are just not on the same page. You don't understand him and he does not seem to have much patience for you.

You making it seem like there is a new problem everyday and it's not! Everyone had issues in a relationship. Nobodys relationship is perfect. Your going to disagree on things. It's how the person deal with it in the end. The issue with me being late for work was sooo long ago. Did you see the post on there when I came back to the site and wrote that I was doing better with getting to work on time?? Guess not! Funny thing about people is, they always looking at bad people do and never the good.

Well good, you're doing better with the trust, but it is always something else, the running with him, the getting up earlier, next week it maybe something else. I just went through all of this, there must be 4 or 5 different threads merged here in the last 5 months. I'm not looking to judge but there seems to be a lot of drama about one thing or the other.
I just don't think you two are on the same page, you're in different stages of life, maybe it is the difference in your ages, I don't know. There does not mean it is your fault or his, you two just may not be compatible.
But if you want to have this constant drama fine, stay!
I wish you well.

but it is always something else, the running with him, the getting up earlier,

Like I said before.. all post from sooo long ago! So what if something else comes up. That's life! We work them out and move on. We're still together for a reason. Obviously something is working.

I know people who have it a lot worse!

Well then I wish the both of you the best.

Don't be so defensive. That's why we merge threads on this forum, and why we all have the ability to look up past threads that haven't been merged, to get a clear picture, so advice is based on facts, and patterns we see.

One pattern we all see with you is your basic taking things personally and being unsure exactly how to react, and to us older people who have sat in your shoes, that's pretty normal for your ages. As you get more experienced dealing with the feelings that are triggered by events you go through, your reactions will be different.

I think we all go through that as we grow and learn, which is a lifetime thing, LOL, and we won't get carried away by those feelings as we settle down from having gone through many different things. That's what your posts are telling us, your going through a lot that will leave you experienced over time.

Your right, you can only control yourself, and no one else, and what matters is how you deal with what life throws at you. I can tell you, even old dogs like myself still don't get it perfect every time, but we do keep learning from those less than perfect experiences.