My boyfriend of 6 months says he needs some "time off" to figure out if I am the woman of his life or not.

We met a year ago, both coming out of long-term relationships, so this relationship began a bit on the rebound.

We live in different cities (4 hours drive) from one another so we can only see each other on weekends and during vacations. The nice thing is, in our 6 months together we had 4 weeks of vacation together. We've met each others' families and friends, and things were going well except...

He works for a consulting company so doesn't have much time to talk during the week, sometimes only 5 minutes a day when he's off work and heading to sleep and dead tired.

I advocated that we don't try to spend every weekend together, more like 2-3 per month so that we can each continue to have our own lives.

But a couple months ago he started to grow distant. I was probably nagging him too much for not calling during the week or for lack of effort, for I suggested he text message me to say he's thinking of me when he doesn't have time to call during his 15 hour workday.

I was supposed to go visit him one weekend but he called and cancelled saying he needed time for himself, which I granted him.

Then we went on vacation together for 2 weeks. We had a lovely time but I could feel he still needed his space. Instead of planning time for the two of us together he was more concerned about when he could get in a game of golf. At last he had time to be with me and make an effort but he didn't want to fully. He finally opened up one evening and said he was having doubts. I said at the end of the vacation that I love him very much but if he feels pressured or unsure, we should break up. The relationship takes too much effort to be with someone who is "unsure".

But he wanted to stay together, he said I "mean so much to him".

The weekend after our vacation he spent with his buddies, "a guy's weekend", which was fine since he doesn't have much time to spend with his friends.

We talked and planned to maybe try going to a relationship counsellor together. I would come to his town 4 weekends in a row and we could see someone on Saturdays.

The following weekend he visited me, and we spent a great weekend together but he said he needed some time and space to think about the relationship, that he is looking for the woman of his dreams and the mother of his children but he's not sure if we're right together. And he said maybe he should go to the relationship counsellor alone first for a while to sort out his own issues and what he wants with his life. So I said fine, no problem he should take some time to think. I would give him 2 ½ weeks (till the end of the month) and during that time we would stay together. If he decides he wants to be with me for sure, he can let me know anytime. After the 2 ½ weeks, he can still keep thinking and there is no one else I want to be with, but we would then no longer be together (this was my suggestion).

By the way, he is also going through a career change, wants to quit consulting and do something less time consuming so that he has more time for his relationship, friends, and family but doesn't know what he wants to do exactly. I have also been putting a lot of pressure on him lately, suggesting we should maybe move in together so that we would have more time together and not have to spend the ton of extra energy that a long distance relationship requires. So double pressure for the poor guy: career and relationship. And both seem to be weighing heavily on him. But I really want to find a solution so that we can be together more.

Now it's been a week of "break" and I've been laying low, giving him his space and not calling or writing him. He has called or texted me every day to "hear my voice" or "see how I'm doing" because he says he misses me.

But he still isn't sure if he wants to be with me. Yesterday his texts and phone calls consisted of letting me know what a great time he was having out with his friends (without me), and this morning he called to just to say he was hungover and to see if "I am ok". All these little phone calls would be nice and fine in normal circumstances but given the situation I think they are just unnecessary. So I said until the end of the month, unless he decides he wants to be with me for sure in the meantime, we should not have any contact.

I am so scared, I don't know if I am just being impatient and if maybe I should give him more time? Or allow him to call and "chit chat"? But I just don't want to be taken for granted and I want to give him time to realize that he can (and will) lose me if he doesn't make up his mind.

Am I doing the right thing? I do love him very much and I really would like to see things work out somehow.

So let me get this straight...

He is taking time to consider if your good enough to be his wife and mother to his children?

What!

And you say 'poor guy'!

You seem to have some resistance to this mans crap,go a step further and end it before he takes your confidence and what's left of yourself esteem.

He is making excuses,and your buffeting his ego.

Give him his freedom,and let him find his perfect wife.

He is bascally saying your not good enough to be my wife,but your good enough for when it suits me.

While I can see his need to deal with his life, I think such things are best done together. Just me though, but when someone needs space, my question is how much? Then you can decide if this whole thing is worth waiting for, or not, and that's fair.

If they don't know what they need, or want, and can't articulate it, you don't have a relationship, just a part time phone (text, or whatever) buddy, when he feels like it.

Sorry, I don't believe in waiting on the sidelines, on hold, while someone goes about playing their game, and enjoying it, not without a lot of reassurance in words, and actions.

I have been known to disappear from the lives of those who are confused, and not forthcoming with enough info, or actions to make it worth it.

The question is, what are you waiting for??

Sorry no, time off is not to decide this, tme off is to date others and means he does not hold you to that level.

If he does not kow after a year then the answer is you are not that person to him, or he is not interested in that type of relationship.

Next, talk 5 min a day, pure BULL, cell phones, drive home, I talk to people I bearly know that much from my car when driving, so if he is not taking time to give you a call or text in the morningg, a couple fun texts or calls during the day and many of his free moments, he is not at that level for you

Ha,this space thing is funny.If you are the one asking for it,you're ignoring him/avoiding him/rethinking your relationship etc etc.If you are the one who has to give it,it should be fine with you,no questions asked.

I really don't buy the space thing anymore.I've had this problem with my ex and have realised that while a decent amount of space is required by both partners in a relationship(which is a mutually decided amount in my opinion),there's a signal in wanting too much of it.Heck,this is a relationship and not a football ground where you can have the entire world fitting into the so-called space.

My suggestion,back out and show him what SPACE means.Let the bugger have his fill of SPACE.By this I don't mean,start revenge games so that he misses you.But give him what he wants.

In the meanwhile,you cut him off your precious life and don't wait around for him.As you said,if he can have a good time without you(and have the insensitivity to call you and tell you about it),you can do better.You can have a great life on your own, WITHOUT running every time to tell him about it.Let him understand you too know what its like to enjoy life and not be a convenience store for him.

Reality check-this guy s not worth waiting around for.He wants the single scene again but is keeping you dangling on a string for whatever future benefits he may want.Face the heartbreak now rather than later and end this onesided commitment.