When I was 12 I was social, happy, really everyone's friend. I don't know what went wrong, but now I'm 16 and I believe I have developed some sort of mental disorder.

I have read through the DSM IV Handbook and a few Experimental Psychology books, and I can't seem to find any disorders relating to my symptoms.

I believe I have a mix of: OCD, ADD, DSP, SDP, Sociopathic Tendencies, Derealization, and Premature Psychosis.

All together, my symptoms are nearly indescribable, but I'll do my best:

1. I like being up at night because it's quite and I'm alone. I don't like the nighttime specifically, just its benefits of silence and serenity.
2. I have a low amount of long term interest. I seem to learn something, focus as long as possible, and then when I lose interest, that's it for that particular subject.
3. I have a need for perfection (OCD) but unlike OCD, I don't need to check things more than once, I'm not constantly nervous and just like things clean and perfectly in place.
4. I have a lack of many emotions, or at least I suppress my emotions greatly. I usually don't feel - Jealousy, Rage, Fear, Sadness, Lust, or Greed.
5. I have a need to manipulate and control people for my own benefit, like a sociopath, but I don't like hurting people mentally or have low self esteem.
6. I have trouble dealing with reality. I don't know how to describe this one... sometimes it feels like nothing is right... like part of the universe isn't real or it's done intentionally.
7. I feel uncomfortable around people, am antisocial, and generally make others uncomfortable even when I'm just sitting and saying nothing.
8. I believe I might be going insane.. I don't know what to do. Every day I feel a little less real or mentally healthy, like my sanity is dying or wearing away.

I know this question is ridiculously descriptive and even a psychologist would be overwhelmed, but I've done everything I can think of to find help. Please, If you know any disorders like this, I just want it summed up in a simple term. I don't even care if there's no cure, I just want to know what's wrong with me.

You have some very complex symptoms that would best be served by a professional therapist to decipher.

No one here can diagnose you and I think for your own mental health that you need to stop trying to diagnose yourself.

You may be over thinking and also know that many people fall into many of the patterns you describe and it all is within *normal* range.

It could be any of the things you mentioned or none of them.
It could be BPD.

Bottom line,you can not get well alone.

You need help.It could be something as simple as a small chemical imbalance which is treated very successfully for many people by talk therapy and medication.

Get the help you need.Every city in the US has mental health clinics that will allow you to pay on a sliding scale.
Seek help.You need to.
Many blessings.

No one here can diagnose you and I think for your own mental health that you need to stop trying to diagnose yourself.

I just wanted to address this one part from Artlady's post...

SO true... people go off reading medical hournal or pages on the internet and end up diagnosing themselves with illnesses that they do not have.

Now I am not saying that you don't have any problems, but from reading your posts it does (to me) sound like SOME of the things you have listed you might be reading into a little too much.

This is just to give you a different perpective on things, I am definitely NOT saying you shouldn't go seek professional help.

I will give some examples:


1. I like being up at night because it's quite and I'm alone. I don't like the nighttime specifically, just its benefits of silence and serenity.

I LOVE being up all night, it is when I feel the most creative and do my best artwork... it's not a problem unless it interferes with my social life.


2. I have a low amount of long term interest. I seem to learn something, focus as long as possible, and then when I lose interest, that's it for that particular subject.

Yes, this could be ADHD, but it could also be that you have not found a subject you are truly interested in... I thought I loved doing jigsaw puzzles, then I got bored with them, then I thought I liked gardening, then got bored.. etc..



3. I have a need for perfection (OCD) but unlike OCD, I don't need to check things more than once, I'm not constantly nervous and just like things clean and perfectly in place.
Again, could be OCD, or you might just like things being tidy.
When I worked in a bakery I had to close and lock up the shop... one night I drove back there twice just to make sure I had locked all the doors properly... and it wasn't just that one occasion either.
I am also a neat freak at home, if my partner leaves something out of place I just have to fix it... again... as long as it's not interfering with my day-today life it's fine, I just like to be clean


4. I have a lack of many emotions, or at least I suppress my emotions greatly. I usually don't feel - Jealousy, Rage, Fear, Sadness, Lust, or Greed.

You don't feel them or you don't EXPRESS them the way other people do?
I rarely show that I am jealous of someone and often don't recognise the emotion until much later.
Eg: a friend gets a brand new car... I go out the next day and polish my car until it shines. Now I didn't not realise at the time why I felt the need to polish my car but later on I realised I was just jealous of my friends new car.
It's not necessarily a bad thing but you may just need to learn to recognise these emotions as they happen.


5. I have a need to manipulate and control people for my own benefit, like a sociopath, but I don't like hurting people mentally or have low self esteem.
This one I can't give much of a answer on, I agree that this is a symptom you need help with, but to what level you would have to describe more.


6. I have trouble dealing with reality. I don't know how to describe this one... sometimes it feels like nothing is right... like part of the universe isn't real or it's done intentionally.
Feel like the world is out to get you and things go wrong for no reason? Join the club ;)


7. I feel uncomfortable around people, am antisocial, and generally make others uncomfortable even when I'm just sitting and saying nothing.
How do you know you are making others uncomfortable?
This one may just be an issue of trying to do a bit more confidence building...
I used to be terribly shy, and when people talked to me I gave short, quiet answers.
I got out of this by forcig myself into situations where I HAD to talk! It was hard at first but now I am fine... I don't shut up actually :o



8. I believe I might be going insane.. I don't know what to do. Every day I feel a little less real or mentally healthy, like my sanity is dying or wearing away.

I think you are doing it to yourself... put the medical journals away... stop looking at "self diagnosis" websites and go to a profession therapist.

I sincerely hope you don't take offense to this post... it was not my intention at all.
As I said, I just wanted to give you a different "take" if you will, of your symptoms.