Im not sure I will find an answer on here I think I maybe just need someone to talk to. I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just broken up and this time he says its for good. We have been arguing about small silly things which couldn't seem to be dropped. I completely regret these things now but he says its too late. Since breaking up I have scared myself into what I am becoming. I cry myself to sleep, I wake up and feel like I don't want to be here anymore. I constantly find myself texting him, trying to persuade him why we should be together and he texts back persuading me how we shouldn't. I sound so desperate and pathetic and I know it won't help but I feel like I can't let him throw out 5 years together away. He says how he loves me and thinks I'm better off without him because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. All of my friends have drifted away from me since I moved to university, I still have one friend but I cannot talk to her as her life revolves around her own boyfriend now and she's not interested in me. In my head I know we go round in circles and argue but over ruling that I love him so much and I am so desperate to be with him again. I know I'm not the only one going through this although I feel like it. Please please can someone talk to me

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html)

Oh my goodness gracious girl. I believe your post has just given me an epiphany. Ever since I went away to univerisy, my friends and I have drifted apart in so many ways. Two of them I really only talk to and their lives are so conflicting with mine, it becomes hard for me to hang out with them. I feel like such a loner these days, because I seem to only rely on him for comfort and satisfaction... we have been fighting about small things here and there recently but we've been together for 1 yr and 2 months almost. I love him so much and I know he loves me too, so my advice then Is you just have to take some mourning time. Don't try to rush it at all, don't let others take control of it. Then you will come to a point where you will want to reach out to others for new friendships and such. You invested so much of yourself in that relationship, so now its time to take the little you have left and nurture it so you can re invest in something that will benefit you. Join some clubs, sports. DO THINGS. What university did you attend to by the way?

I completely understand how you are feeling.
Being here has been the best cure for the breakup blues you could have hoped for.
We don't make it easier, but we do have helpful, listening ears and wonderful advice.
Some of the best advice is listed at the top of the relationship forum, please take a moment and read through some of the information.
You are in the worst part of a breakup, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, until you see that light... vent here, beg here, but ABSOLUTELY DO NOT contact your ex right now. You will only do more damage than good.

What you need to do is block him out of your life. You need to put A LOT OF DISTANCE away from him. By talking to him, you will get more and more confused and it will delay the healing process.

You need to pretend as if he doesn't exist. Keep yourself busy. Here's a list of things to do: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html

Give yourself a chance to heal from this breakup. Once you've had time to recover, you will feel more objective about your situation.

One thing I will add to I Wish and Justwantfair's advice is to get out and make new friends who have more in common with where you are now so that you don't feel so lonely.

Your life is changing, and you have to adjust to it, time for new friends, and activities. Don't be discouraged as it's a lot of work, and really hard to break a 5 year attachment.

Have zero contact with your ex.This will clear your mind and you ll come to understand much more quickly what wasn't working in the relationship and why in the long run you ll be much better off now that you re no longer together.Its normal to cry feel grief anger and a number of rollercoaster emotions.Live through these its part of the healing process.Come back here and tell us how you feel.

Thank you all for your replys I really appreciate them and its good to talk to people. The thing is I know what wasn't working and I want to change it but now I cant. Everyone has told me that I need to forget him but I can't and I know I'm not strong enough to ever do that.. Im so so sure it can work. I don't want to forget him I just want him back and deep down I know he's only doing this because he doesn't want to argue anymore but what if it stopped? Does anyone have any further advice or am I just being stupid? J_ely823 are you still with you boyfriend?

Thankyou all for your replys i really appreciate them and its good to talk to people. The thing is i know what wasn't working and i want to change it but now i cant. Everyone has told me that i need to forget him but i can't and i know im not strong enough to ever do that.. Im so so sure it can work. I dont want to forget him i just want him back and deep down i know hes only doing this because he doesnt want to argue anymore but what if it stopped? Does anyone have any further advice or am i just being stupid? J_ely823 are you still with you bf?

Look, I think that you have to take responsibility for what you created - a dysfunctional relationship that had no future.

You now know what you could have done differently - but obviously the only way you could make any changes was to have it taken away. Realization came too late. Sad but true.

The reality is - he doesn't want you back. The reality is - it's too late. The reality is - you need to forget him. The reality is you don't really love him, you're just afraid of being alone.

Your friends are right - listen to them. Sometimes we have to learn our lessons the hard way. It's not easy, but you'll do it better next time. And there will be a next time.

I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 5 years.

K22X,
The good working relationship is not a form of 'on and off'. The good relationship is solid, and getting deeper as time goes by. It clearly says that you have gone through roller coaster relationship for 5 long years and burnt yourself. It will not work no matter what you do, and you should not do anything for this dead relationship.

Stand up for yourself, and invest your time and energy to LOVE YOURSELF not someone treats you like a dirt. Do not regert anything, because you tried enough for 5 years.

Spend some alone time, heal yourself, grow up, and move on. Focus on your hobby, learning, and social life. You are young with good heart, you have bright future. Being a single is a golden opportunity to meet the right person for your life! There are many nice guys looking for a nice girls like you. You will meet someone who deserves you. In my experience, I found the more amazing person after each break up, because I learned what I want in relationship, and how to recognize a right person for me. Come out here and talk to us if you need emotional support. We were all there, we know exactly how you feel. It will pass even though you think it is impossible to go through. Time is the natural healer.

By the way, if you act desperate, you only make yourself low, make him despite you more, and convince him he did right thing. I know it is sad for you, but begging does not work for anything. Please stop it for god sake, and hold yourself as decent lady. Let's stick with your dignity and self-esteem. OK? We all love you, by the way. Cheers!

Thankyou all for your replys i really appreciate them and its good to talk to people. The thing is i know what wasn't working and i want to change it but now i cant. Everyone has told me that i need to forget him but i can't and i know im not strong enough to ever do that.. Im so so sure it can work. I dont want to forget him i just want him back and deep down i know hes only doing this because he doesnt want to argue anymore but what if it stopped? Does anyone have any further advice or am i just being stupid? J_ely823 are you still with you bf?

You are a lot stronger than you think.

You don't have to forget him. Treasure the good memories but let them stay memories. Don't try to make more. He is the past. Let him fade into it.

Take what you have learned from this relationship and use it to not make the same mistakes in the next. There will be a next. Maybe not soon. It should be after you learn to love and respect yourself.

For this moment, write down how you can help yourself heal. Start with the advice you have gotten here and add some of your own. If it helps write it to us.