I've been friends with this girl I really like for nearly 5 months. I finally told her last night how I feel about her (wanting more than friendship) and it didn't go so well. She claims, I'm great, attractive, a good dad, fun, good morals, and a great friend, but at this time she respects me too much and doesn't want to hurt me. She basically said she married for love before and she'll never do it again. I'm not a rich guy, and she basically said she never wants to have to worry about money.. VERY SHALLOW! Her son and my son are friends, so I'm kind of torn what to do, but I would really like to just MOVE ON.. should I grow a pair, or suck it up and stay in the friend zone.

I appreciate your feedback

Grow a pair and move on. I've heard of reverse situations, marrying for money not love but she's a GOLD DIGGER. Be happy you DIDN'T marry her man

What benefits do you have by remaining her friend? You said you would like to MOVE ON, so do it. At least you know what kind of person she is and what kind of person she is looking for.

What benefits do you have by remaining her friend? You said you would like to MOVE ON, so do it. At least you know why kind of person she is and what kind of person she is looking for.


Stewie roids!! LOVE IT! I mentioned that her son and my son are friends, so I guess I can slowly phase it out... I guess you can never have too many friends, I just wasn't expecting such a shallow response. Chicks man

Stewie roids!!! LOVE IT!! I mentioned that her son and my son are friends, so I guess I can slowly phase it out... I guess you can never have too many friends, I just wasn't expecting such a shallow response. chicks man

Excuse me ,chick here! :rolleyes:
We are not all shallow,I can assure you,you just happened on one of those bitter divorcée's that is going to try to make the entire male population suffer for her bad marriage.
Don't give up on the entire sex,there are still many nice women out there who believe in love over money.

Stewie roids!!! LOVE IT!! I mentioned that her son and my son are friends, so I guess I can slowly phase it out... I guess you can never have too many friends, I just wasn't expecting such a shallow response. chicks man

Why would you assume that your children can no longer be friends?

You can be civil with your children's friends parents, but there is not a requirement that you become friends.

If the children enjoy each other, then keep your relationship distant and civil and allow for the children to spend time together, either at your house or hers.

Unless I am misunderstanding the ages of the children involved.

Why would you assume that your children can no longer be friends?

You can be civil with your children's friends parents, but there is not a requirement that you become friends.

If the children enjoy each other, then keep your relationship distant and civil and allow for the children to spend time together, either at your house or hers.

Unless I am misunderstanding the ages of the children involved.

They are 10 and 11 with the same birthday.. That would require communication, which at this point I really don't care to do so... at least not now. Maybe I'm bitter of the rejection, but at the same time I don't want her to see this.

Wow... she's a real keeper. NOT.

Move on. Don't waste your time on someone so shallow. Christ... I'd be embarrassed to say the things she said.

But yes your kids can be friends you just don't give her the time of day.

Wow... she's a real keeper. NOT.

Move on. Don't waste your time on someone so shallow. Christ... I'd be embarassed to say the things she said.

But yes your kids can be friends you just don't give her the time of day.

Thank you!! And I thought maybe I was just being a bi--h from the rejection.. I went over to her place to talk about it, and it was pretty much the first thing out of her mouth. "I told you what I was looking for right?" "I don't ever have to worry about money." If we weren't in the middle of making dinner I would've bounced right then and there... I simply told her it's better now if we just change the subject before I said things I would regret... I will never bring it up again. I was appalled... glad I know now

Because the kids are friends doesn't mean you have to be, so put enough distance between her, and you, so you can move on.

You can't consider friendship until your over the wanting more thing, if then.

Staying friends with her right now will give you false hope and make it more difficult to move on with your life.

It doesn't mean you never have to talk to her again, but until your feelings for her are gone, it's not the time to be friends. If she was really that great of a friend, she would understand that you need to put some distance to recover from this rejection before you move forward as friends.

Since there are a lot of factors that could go into her current outlook on marriage (such as what happened in the previous marriage and the divorce), I won't pass judgment on her as a person.

Be glad that she didn't lead you on. She could very easily have played games and kept you on a leash until some rich guy came along then dumped you.

I agree that you don't have to be friends with her even though your children are friends. However, you might want to make sure that your feelings don't invade the boys' relationship or your relationship with her son.

Since there are a lot of factors that could go into her current outlook on marriage (such as what happened in the previous marriage and the divorce), I won't pass judgment on her as a person.

Be glad that she didn't lead you on. She could very easily have played games and kept you on a leash until some rich guy came along then dumped you.

I agree that you don't have to be friends with her even though your children are friends. However, you might want to make sure that your feelings don't invade the boys' relationship or your relationship with her son.

Good point; however, I never asked her to marry me... All the qualities she claims I possess, she threw back and said "who said I was looking for those qualities?" LOL!

I agree with the original post, whoever it was! Quote. "Christ I'd be embarrassed to say the things she said." "and her jerkiness and ineptitude in a relationship... I should be thanking her!!

Thanks a lot guys!

Because the kids are friends doesn't mean you have to be, so put enough distance between her, and you, so you can move on.

You can't consider friendship until your over the wanting more thing, if then.

artlady agrees: I love the way you men give these terse answers and the ladies explain it in a different way :) Same answer ,different approach,its so funny to me !
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You had a really good friendship with her, and the boys with each other, a win-win.

That she didn't do to you, what you are thinking of doing to her, is lucky- for you.

What is wrong with her being honest. What is wrong with her wanting you to carry on being friends. What is wrong with getting a straight answer, accepting it, and just enjoying the friendship.

She said she married once for love, and won't again. She wants a secure future, a decent income, and a better life. What's wrong with that. You may not agree with her, but that doesn't make her a gold digger or a b***h. She has told you what she wants, and while you may disagree, that's the truth.

I think you are turning your back on a good friendship, and if you can afford to lose that, more power to you. I hope that you can be flexible and mature enough to be cordial and polite in order for the boys to be friends.

Like the others have said at least she was honest with you... OR knowing you haven't got much money she may have used that as her vehicle to let you down.

Just another slant on it and could be way off the mark but I've known people to use similar tactics.

I agree with friend4u178. The $ thing may have been an easy excuse to make it clear she is certain and does not want to be persuaded. She is not interested in romance with you. That does not make her a bad person. I suspect there are other reasons she is not interested. I also suspect she saw this coming and had prepared an answer. It's humiliating to be turned down, but try to suck it up and be civil for the sake of your son.

She's hurt and lost,that what divorce does.

Hi,I agree with them,but you got to understand her as well,she's single with a son she probably just want to give her son a good life as well but at the same time it isn't all about money.I don't think she has feelings for you because if she does money would just come last thinking she's with the man she loves and a man that loves her will go through the battle together .might be hard to move on but that is the only thing you can do,there is a lot of woman out there.

Wow... she's upfront and honest. A real stand up lady. A woman for young girls to look up to.

My God people… listen to yourselves. Get real!!

She's an uncouth gold digging beyotch!

She's essentially a whore. Yes, a whore. Sex for money. She'll get into a relationship providing sex for a stable income and environment. Take either away and she'll bail out. That's not love. That's not a partnership. IT'S A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

Wake up and smell the hooker.

Wow... she's upfront and honest. A real stand up lady. A woman for young girls to look up to.

My God people… listen to yourselves. Get real!!!

She's an uncouth gold digging beyotch!

She's essentially a whore. Yes, a whore. Sex for money. She'll get into a relationship providing sex for a stable income and environment. Take either away and she'll bail out. That’s not love. That’s not a partnership. IT’S A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

Wake up and smell the hooker.

Women have been using sex as a tool for many centuries... essentially to be honest most women use sex as a reward for nice dinners, special gifts and a great evening out. Men have also paid for sex in many fashions, not all inclusive of money only.

There is something to be said for not stringing him along, being honest and upfront and telling him that he is not the one for her. Also keep in mind that we only get one side of the story, there could be other issues that she is not discussing using her pain and standards as a tool to inform the OP that a relationship is not what she wants from him. It could also be too soon following the divorce for her to have faced the pain of feeling betrayed by a man she must have loved.

I don't believe that it is appropriate to slam another person that you don't know in such a fashion.

Wow... she's upfront and honest. A real stand up lady. A woman for young girls to look up to.

My God people… listen to yourselves. Get real!!!

She's an uncouth gold digging beyotch!

She's essentially a whore. Yes, a whore. Sex for money. She'll get into a relationship providing sex for a stable income and environment. Take either away and she'll bail out. That’s not love. That’s not a partnership. IT’S A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

Wake up and smell the hooker.

So much anger that you even gave a reddie (disagree) to a fellow poster for their opinion NOT for posting incorrect facts.

Did you even stop to think that at this moment is how she feels but in the future when her son is older and the pain of her marriage is duller that she may change her mind or she may find a man that she loves and decides to forget that idea?

Mikey, no you didn't ask her to marry you. However, you seem to have been saying that you wanted an intimate relationship with her. I stand by the statement that she could have slept with you, played games with you, kept you at her beck and call, etc. while keeping a look out for a rich man and dumping your butt when she found one. Would you have preferred that?

You say that she threw those "traits" she listed back at you. Have you talked about her ex? How much debt is she in due to her marriage? How much her credit is screwed up because she trusted love? You may have touched on what for her is a very painful spot.

What about your previous marriage do you not want to repeat in the next relationship?

Being rejected is one thing, to be mad about it is another. Don't be, and don't let the emotional fallout, from that rejection, make you deal with this whole situation in a negative inappropriate way.

The bottom line is that for whatever reason she doesn't feel the same as you at this time, so why be impulsive, and burn a bridge, you may have to cross again? Understanding your feelings, and her point of view, with a clear head, is the better course, not bitterness, or sour grapes, that leads you to some very bad conclusions, and stops you from dealing with reality.

Just carry on with your life, and enjoy yourself, as you may learn more later, about YOU, and about her, so the last thing you need is walking away pouting because you can't get what you want. That's not the mature way to go despite those that may say its okay, as its NOT.

I don't think your that type of guy anyway.

I would like to apologize for imposing my opinion upon anyone.

I'd also like to apologize for the "reddie".

Sorry.

Accepted, we all get carried away sometimes, but the ladies may take longer to forgive you.:eek:

You re human-we all make mistakes.

Imabadman, opinions are great things. It was the anger that got me and hit a sensitive spot (but that is for another thread. :) )

Can't accept an apology for an opinion. There's no need.

As for the reddie, not mine to forgive.

Oh I have no anger. Just expressing my opinion. And yes... I still think she is what she is. Call it as you will.

My apology was for this "reddie". I didn't realize it was such a grievous error to express a contradicting opinion. Not necessarily the contradicting opinion but rather the way in which I did so, indicating that I disagreed (reddie).

Again… my bad.

Imabadman,

I note the 'reddie' you gave me- for my opinion.

You should know that you can disagree with me all you like, but you don't give a 'reddie' for an opinion. Only a fact.

It is also uncool to offer disparaging remarks about other people posting opinions to the posters question.

p.s. just noted others caught this, and you have apologized. So therefore, your punishment is a lashing with 10 wet noodles!

I think a true honest answer would've been "mike, I'm just not attracted to you or in to you that way." she put a quote on face book that read this.. "love is not what you're expecting to get, but what you're willing to give, which is everything." What a bunch of crap! What a bunch of crap! And the assessment of money doesn't matter, and if you're in love then you go through those battles together is very true. And in return makes your relationship stronger. Sure she wants her son to have good life and be stable, but that starts with family and inconditional love... money and material things only make you happy if you have someone to share them with.. someone you're in love with, and someone who would do anything for you outside of just opening their wallet.

I really appreciate the feedback guys and gals!

Also, nobody said I was walking away from a friendship; however, it's not going to be the same until my feelings subside. She knows I'll be there for her if she needs anything, she knows shehas me by the nuts... it's very convenient for her! Whoever quoted "never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs." was BRILLIANT! It's mostly me who treated when we went out, and it's not happening anymore.

Wow... she's upfront and honest. A real stand up lady. A woman for young girls to look up to.

My God people… listen to yourselves. Get real!!!

She's an uncouth gold digging beyotch!

She's essentially a whore. Yes, a whore. Sex for money. She'll get into a relationship providing sex for a stable income and environment. Take either away and she'll bail out. That’s not love. That’s not a partnership. IT’S A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

Wake up and smell the hooker.

BADMAN, you're very right! She says she wants to be treated like a princess and be fought for... be able to stay home and take care of the kids... Well, no man is going to get that opportunity to treat her this way unless he has a nice FAT BANK ACCOUNT.. I'm almost #35 she just turned 37, and where we are both at in our lives it makes sense to me to at least give it a shot... the friendship started by me asking her out... she accepted, and we've hung out ever since. It was mutual that we would take things slow and see where it went... I got a lot of mixed signals from her! I'm an option she has to fall back on that's the way I see it.

Geez, it didn't work out, let it go. Its no ones fault when it doesn't click like you thought it could, but you'll see that later, when the dust has settled.

Haven't you ever been rejected before? Why does it make you mad?

I'm over the rejection, I just don't know where to go from here... I've been told to distance myself and can't be friends until my feelings go away, and I've been told not to walk away from a friendship..

And yes, I've been rejected before, but never because my bank account wasn't up to par.

I'm over the rejection, I just don't know where to go from here.... I've been told to distance myself and can't be friends until my feelings go away, and I've been told not to walk away from a friendship..

and yes, I've been rejected before, but never because my bank account wasn't up to par.

I would think that would be one of the easier things to be rejected for, it's not like something you could control or if you could control it, you would want to be with someone interested in your bank account and not you.

I don't think anyone has told you not to walk away from the friendship, we all agree that is the best thing for you (from what I have seen). The only thing that was commented on was that you not being friends with her has nothing to do with the children being able to be friends. An 11 and 12 year old boy can spend time at the other house without their parent being there. You are using your child as an excuse to stay in her life and that isn't fair to either of the children.

I would think that would be one of the easier things to be rejected for, it's not like something you could control or if you could control it, you would want to be with someone interested in your bank account and not you.

I don't think anyone has told you not to walk away from the friendship, we all agree that is the best thing for you (from what I have seen). The only thing that was commented on was that you not being friends with her has nothing to do with the children being able to be friends. An 11 and 12 year old boy can spend time at the other house without their parent being there. You are using your child as an excuse to stay in her life and that isn't fair to either of the children.


No, actually I am not using my child as an excuse to stay in her life... that's why I'm torn! I'd assume just move-on, but it's not fair to them. I want them to be able to hang out, but it has always been the four of us hanging out and not just the two of them.

What benefits do you have by remaining her friend? You said you would like to MOVE ON, so do it. At least you know what kind of person she is and what kind of person she is looking for.


Here is one quote! What benefits do I have by remaining her friend?

Wow... she's a real keeper. NOT.

Move on. Don't waste your time on someone so shallow. Christ... I'd be embarassed to say the things she said.

But yes your kids can be friends you just don't give her the time of day.

Another quote... don't waste my time on someone so shallow..

You had a really good friendship with her, and the boys with eachother, a win-win.

That she didn't do to you, what you are thinking of doing to her, is lucky- for you.

What is wrong with her being honest. What is wrong with her wanting you to carry on being friends. What is wrong with getting a straight answer, accepting it, and just enjoying the friendship.

She said she married once for love, and won't again. She wants a secure future, a decent income, and a better life. What's wrong with that. You may not agree with her, but that doesn't make her a gold digger or a b***h. She has told you what she wants, and while you may disagree, that's the truth.

I think you are turning your back on a good friendship, and if you can afford to lose that, more power to you. I hope that you can be flexible and mature enough to be cordial and polite in order for the boys to be friends.

Turning my back on a good friendship? Hhmm not so sure

Staying friends with her right now will give you false hope and make it more difficult to move on with your life.

It doesn't mean you never have to talk to her again, but until your feelings for her are gone, it's not the time to be friends. If she was really that great of a friend, she would understand that you need to put some distance to recover from this rejection before you move forward as friends.

And last but not least... staying friends with her gives me false hope... especially with her little flirty ways

If you're SO committed to having your children hang out, then have someone else drive your children to see her children.

I know you feel like you're over this rejection. But if you were really over it, her flirty nature would not give you that false hope. The problem with false hope is that you're not going to be able to move on with your life. You're just going to hold out for her. Have you been meeting new people? Is your mind open to new possibilities?

Can you really tell us that your feelings for her are completely gone? If they are, then you wouldn't be asking for help and trying to figure out how to work out a friendship. Friendships are formed naturally, they're not forced.

Once again, you are right we all agree WALK AWAY!

You are using your child's friendship as an excuse. There isn't any validation for the four of you hanging out. You need to stop that, you take the boys or she does once in a while. There isn't a need for the four person hang out.

Once again, you are right we all agree WALK AWAY!!

You are using your childs friendship as an excuse. There isn't any validation for the four of you hanging out. You need to stop that, you take the boys or she does once in a while. There isn't a need for the four person hang out.

Thank you, that's what I was looking for! Over the rejection, yes, over the feelings, no..

NOW there is no more need for a four person hang out... but since I'm wanting them to remain friends you guys are insinuating that it's only because I want to keep her in my life... that's not the case

I think you have misread some posts.

Your children can be friends without you and her being friends. I hope that you understand that. It's not in your benefit to be involved in her life.

I think you have misread some posts.

Your children can be friends without you and her being friends. I hope that you understand that. It's not in your benefit to be involved in her life.


THANK YOU! How do I explain this to her?

Can you elaborate on "it's not in my benefit" just so I know I'm making the right decision... another person posted that her flirty ways shouldn't give me false hope... that sure is easy to say

I think you have misread some posts.

Your children can be friends without you and her being friends. I hope that you understand that. It's not in your benefit to be involved in her life.

I can't misread a post that reads you ARE using my child as an excuse... I really appreciate your feedback, but please don't go there. He is with me every other weekend, and always asks if Robert (her son) can come over..

And I do understand that they can be friends with out us being friends, I just want to handle it the right way... Is that Alba? I could use some of that right about now

I agree that you don't have to be friends with her even though your children are friends. However, you might want to make sure that your feelings don't invade the boys' relationship or your relationship with her son.

Oh, good. I thought I lost my mind there for a moment.

You Cleary know what kind of person she is. You said she is shallow. Why do you want to be a friend of the shallow person and get hurt?? Please move on, and spend your time and energy for someone nice & special. There are so many nice women out there and are waiting for nice gentlemen at this moment. Cheers :)

You sure expected a lot from a 5 month friendship.

You sure expected a lot from a 5 month friendship.

Oh really? How so, Mr. Expert? Many many mixed signals, flirting, hangin out A LOT... feelings grew and I was shocked at the response I got... You must be perfect and never get confused when it comes to women... great advice, not

This seems to be going round in circles and it's all about the speculation whether this girl is shallow/a whore etc. but does it really matter.

Bottom line is the 2 of you were friends nothing more nothing less as far as your original post states. Then you put it on her that you have stronger feelings for her and she obviously doesn't have those same feelings.

Whatever excuse she gave just live with it and appreciate the fact she didn't string you along and then break your heart further down the track.

This obviously hurts yourself esteem a little so your defense mechanism finds something wrong with her reasoning and why she doesn't feel the same.

As for the boys being friends what's the problem , I know plenty of Adults who have kids who play together and aren't in a Relationship but just friends , don't let the emotional cr*p that's going on in your head at the moment come between their friendship that's just not fair.

Ok sorry, rant over.

This seems to be going round in circles and it's all about the speculation whether this girl is shallow/a whore etc. but does it really matter.

Bottom line is the 2 of you were friends nothing more nothing less as far as your OP states. Then you put it on her that you have feelings that are more than that and she obviously doesn't have those same feelings. Whatever excuse she gave just live with it and appreciate the fact she didn't string you along and then break your heart further down the track.

This obviously hurts your self esteem a little so your defense mechanism finds something wrong with the reason she doesn't feel the same for you as you do for her.

As for the boys being friends whats the problem , I know plenty of Adults who have kids who play together and aren't in a Relationship but just friends , don't let the emotional cr*p thats going on in your head at the moment come between their friendship thats just not fair.

Ok sorry, rant over.


You're absolutely right! I'm just trying to let it marinate... thank you

For starters she did not dump him she explained why she didnt want to be in a relationship with him.Secondly he s saying he needs to let it sink in.
Finally you just called a fellow poster a whore.Which in my book is NOT on and in my opinion shows which level of maturity you are coming from.

Thank you, you said it perfectly!

We both agreed it would be best NOT to hang out for now, but that we could take turns entertaining the boys..

When you are confused and ask a question, and hear two or 3 different opinions, it makes it even more confusing.. Nobody is protesting SIMPLE 11 (you're a real winner BTW) just trying to decide if I should give up on a good friendship, because we enjoyed eachothers company... So, next time if you want to give advice, then give advice! Don't be calling me a whore you POS!!

Good to know you ve moved on.:-)

Best just leave it at that-too little too late?

Best just leave it at that-too little too late?


Most definitely!!

I don't know how long she has been out of her relationship.
She may have just thought of your friendship as just friendship, you may have caught her off guard.
The one thing I kept thinking this weekend is, when we are hurt and still upset about a relationship, we jump to the complete opposite of what we had because that blew up in our face.
She married for love, possibly was a completely devoted partner and was completely burned... possibly left in financial ruins. Maybe most of their arguing was about money. Maybe she married a mooch. After five months, your friendship hasn't given you any insight into her former relationship?
I think you need to relax, this shouldn't have been a blow to your ego. She apparently has a full plate and it's time to make some peace with the situation. The only person you hurt with all of this animosity is yourself and your son.
Take the space, deal with this how you need to, but for the time being just breathe. :)

Take care!:-)

I don't know how long she has been out of her relationship.
She may have just thought of your friendship as just friendship, you may have caught her off guard.
The one thing I kept thinking this weekend is, when we are hurt and still upset about a relationship, we jump to the complete opposite of what we had because that blew up in our face.
She married for love, possibly was a completely devoted partner and was completely burned... possibly left in financial ruins. Maybe most of their arguing was about money. Maybe she married a mooch. After five months, your friendship hasn't given you any insight into her former relationship?
I think you need to relax, this shouldn't have been a blow to your ego. She apparently has a full plate and it's time to make some peace with the situation. The only person you hurt with all of this animosity is yourself and your son.
Take the space, deal with this how you need to, but for the time being just breathe. :)


She knew I was interested from the start.. I asked her out, and she said yes. She never made it clear from the start, (until I asked about a month later) that she wasn't interested in dating.. The whole ex thing came up this weekend, after she probably realized what she had said did seem shallow and hurt my feelings... She's been single for 8 months, now... Yes, she was in financial ruins... We were both actually laid off from our jobs - we both made 6 figures, now we're nowhere close to that... not yet anyway! REgardless, it's a partnership and you work TOGETHER... In this economy, unfortunately, not all women get to stay home!

She was physically abused in her marriage and escaped... She dated someone who she wanted to marry after that, but I guess he broke her heart. All those things I get and completely understand, it's just the way she delivered the "I dont ever want to have to worry about money" to start our conversation about me openiong up about my feelings. AND NOW after the fact, she was engaging the thought of moving forward with more?. I'm glad it turned out the way it did... PHHHEEWW, it never would've lasted...

The kicker!! I'm a Scorpio and she is a Gemini

Thanks again!

i don't know how long she has been out of her relationship.
She may have just thought of your friendship as just friendship, you may have caught her off guard.
The one thing i kept thinking this weekend is, when we are hurt and still upset about a relationship, we jump to the complete opposite of what we had because that blew up in our face.
She married for love, possibly was a completely devoted partner and was completely burned... Possibly left in financial ruins. Maybe most of their arguing was about money. Maybe she married a mooch. After five months, your friendship hasn't given you any insight into her former relationship?
I think you need to relax, this shouldn't have been a blow to your ego. She apparently has a full plate and it's time to make some peace with the situation. The only person you hurt with all of this animosity is yourself and your son.
Take the space, deal with this how you need to, but for the time being just breathe. :)

Best response yet!

take care!:-)

Thanks - you do the same :)

Lol scorpio rules.:-)