I was 10 years old when one of my ovaries was cut off due to a huge cyst operation. The surgeon didn't think much of it and neither did we. When I was 23, I developed a huge cyst on my remaining ovary and underwent another operation where the Gynaecologist tried to save as much ovarian tissue as possible. Everything was great and I got married to my man but 6 months later I found out that I was suffering from Premature ovarian failure at age 26 which is like early menopause so no chance of me ever conceiving naturally.

My options was only a Donor egg IVF cycle but over the last few months two of my IVF attempts failed and I feel completely lost. Now I know that the trouble isn't with my ovaries but also with something else in my body. My husband's sperms are perfect.

My issue is more emotional than physical because I am driving myself insane. I hate myself for being so helpless (not being able to know what to do).. and angry at God's decision to make only me completely infertile. I can't get it out of my head and each new pregnancy makes me feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. I felt like killing myself but my husband supported me, telling me that he wanted me more than any baby. Now he wants me to stop thinking about it and live a normal life for myself but I can't do it. I know I love him to death but this insecurity is killing me internally! I failed is what I feel over and over again and I don't have the strength of smiling as new people post their baby pics..

Why me God.. why did you decide to punish me for something that wasn't even in my control?

I was adopted. Perhaps you should view your situation as more of an awakening to a possible path you otherwise wouldn't have seen or considered and an opportunity to do something for a lonely infant. I'm not religious, but I've heard it said that "God works in mysterious ways" from those, like yourself, who believe. So, have faith.

You are not alone in how you feel or your situation. I completely agree with the post above.
DNA doesn't make a child yours. Love, support and care can make you a Mommy to any child.
It's a different calling but just as important.

I know you feel awful right now and I'm unsure what your faith is, but I don't believe for one second you're being punished.

I believe that things happen for a reason and maybe that reason is that you are meant to adopt, use donor eggs, or become a foster mom. There are so many children desperate for their own Mom & Dad - maybe one of those precious souls are meant to find you to make their life complete.

I know it must be terribly difficult to face not having your own flesh and blood, but that doesn't have to stop you from being a mommy.

Take a little time for yourself to sort out your feelings and continue talking with your husband. You sound lucky to have such a supportive spouse who loves you and will support you through all of this.

Remember, you're not being punished even though it feels awful right now. This could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Good luck to you {{hugs}}