Hi there,
Hope you can help me guide my 21-year-old she has roommate problems. Is there anyone or anywhere she can go to get help?

Hi there,
hope you can help me guide my 21-year-old she has roommate problems. Is there anyone or anywhere she can go to get help?

There are lots of places to go get help. The problem is, you haven't told us what type of help she needs. Could you give us some more information?

My daughter and son inlaw were rooming with another young woman which after graduating she moved out and both of my kids renew the 2 bed/2bath apt lease and my daughter found this girl that was eager to get out of home with the parents approval she moved in. Roommate I will call her Jill - she text message my daughter like ten times a day Are you going anywhere this weekend, when are you coming back, when are you coming home, are you coming home anytime soon? When are you going out of town etc. my daughter would answer with minimal info. First weekend my kids were out of town she through a party - my daughter left her bedroom locked and it was open when they got back (nothing missing) bathroom with no toilet paper etc. shower used. 6 different bottles of hard liquor 1/2 empty- dirty dishes etc. My daughter cleaned up and made a comment "someone had fun last night" Jill replied oh no is not what you think I had a girlfriend that stayed for like 20 min it was just me. The next day she notice our neighbor (will call him Jack) without knocking just barging in - getting a drink of water and going straight to Jill. Water was my daughters (filtered water) she then notice that some of her food was gone too. This is just the start - what happened later - Jack comes and goes as he pleases with out knocking & whether Jill is there or not. One day my daughter came home early and found no one home but the door was open. Jack left it open because he does not have a key to the apt and needed to come back in. Tucson is very hot: Jack lives with 6 other guys, so he loves coming next door to a clean apt using the internet, cable, eating Jill's food and my daughters too. My daughter decided to point things out to Jill like the food, water, dirty dishes that were neither of them but Jacks etc. It appeared that Jill didn't do anything nor said anything Jack because everything was the same. After 2 more filters of water and other food missing both my kids thought it be best to confront the situation with both of them. Jack immediately denied everything and screamed foul language at the top of his lungs and threaten to fight my son in law and to watch his back. Jill apologized profusely and said she will never allow him to come back in the apt. Well, she must have been sleeping when she said that because the very next day my daughter found him in the living room watching TV. Jill said, it will be to their best interest to get along because he is there to stay. My son in law did not want to say anything and stormed inside his bedroom and said to my daughter "after he threaten me I need to be nice to this guy?" Well, Jill called her father to come talk to my son in law... intimidating them. But when my daughter explained that this guy is there 24/7 and eating everyone food and leaving the door open etc. He started to believe my daughter but Jill screamed she is lying, he has only been here once or twice! Father said, Jack should not be in this apt until things cool down and if it is the TV then he should take the TV his apt. As soon as the dad left Jack came back in the apt and locked himself there while he was unplugging the to take and caught my kids off guard outside with no keys. They knocked on the door and they took 15 minutes to answer when they did open the door Jack was taking the TV and both him and Jill were laughing. They had cut the wires of the DVD player which was my daughters and dropped it on the floor. When JAck and Jill were out side, Jack said when they are need the stairs I will pushed them. So my kids called the police and they said nothing can be done because no one saw it. My daughter once out of the lease.

my daughter and son inlaw were rooming with another young woman which after graduating she moved out and both of my kids renew the 2 bed/2bath apt lease and my daughter found this girl that was eager to get out of home with the parents approval she moved in.
So I assume that only your daughter and son-in-law are on the lease? Or did this new young lady sign the lease as well?


Roommate I will call her Jill - she text message my daughter like ten times a day Are you going anywhere this weekend, when are you coming back, when are you coming home, are you coming home anytime soon? When are you going out of town etc. my daughter would answer with minimal info.
That isn't pertinant to anything; I'm just letting you know in the incident this goes to court. The judge doesn't want to hear that the new roommate was lonely and nosy.


First weekend my kids were out of town she through a party - my daughter left her bedroom locked and it was open when they got back (nothing missing) bathroom with no toilet paper etc. shower used. 6 different bottles of hard liquor 1/2 empty- dirty dishes etc. My daughter cleaned up and made a comment "someone had fun last night" Jill replied oh no is not what you think I had a girlfriend that stayed for like 20 min it was just me.
Again, not pertinent. If the girl is paying rent and has established residency, she can have a party. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know why your daughter chose to clean up the mess rather than ask the girl to do it herself.


The next day she notice our neighbor (will call him Jack) without knocking just barging in - getting a drink of water and going straight to Jill. Water was my daughters (filtered water) she then notice that some of her food was gone too. This is just the start - what happened later - Jack comes and goes as he pleases with out knocking & whether Jill is there or not. One day my daughter came home early and found no one home but the door was open. Jack left it open because he does not have a key to the apt and needed to come back in. Tucson is very hot: Jack lives with 6 other guys, so he loves coming next door to a clean apt using the internet, cable, eating Jill's food and my daughters too. My daughter decided to point things out to Jill like the food, water, dirty dishes that were neither of them but Jacks etc. It appeared that Jill didn't do anything nor said anything Jack because everything was the same. After 2 more filters of water and other food missing both my kids thought it be best to confront the situation with both of them. Jack immediately denied everything and screamed foul language at the top of his lungs and threaten to fight my son in law and to watch his back. Jill apologized profusely and said she will never allow him to come back in the apt. Well, she must have been sleeping when she said that because the very next day my daughter found him in the living room watching TV. Jill said, it will be to their best interest to get along because he is there to stay. My son in law did not want to say anything and stormed inside his bedroom and said to my daughter "after he threaten me I need to be nice to this guy?"
Jill is allowed to have houseguests. If she wants Jack to be allowed, your daughter may not be able to do anything about that.


Well, Jill called her father to come talk to my son in law... intimidating them. But when my daughter explained that this guy is there 24/7 and eating everyone food and leaving the door open etc. He started to believe my daughter but Jill screamed she is lying, he has only been here once or twice! Father said, Jack should not be in this apt until things cool down and if it is the TV then he should take the TV his apt. As soon as the dad left Jack came back in the apt and locked himself there while he was unplugging the to take and caught my kids off guard outside with no keys.
What proof do you have that the father was "intimidating" them? Did he threaten them, verbally or physically? And why on earth would your daughter and son-in-law leave Jack alone in their apartment when you say they didn't want him there in the first place?


they knocked on the door and they took 15 minutes to answer when they did open the door Jack was taking the TV and both him and Jill were laughing. They had cut the wires of the DVD player which was my daughters and dropped it on the floor. When JAck and Jill were out side, Jack said when they are need the stairs I will pushed them. So my kids called the police and they said nothing can be done because no one saw it. My daughter once out of the lease.
I don't know what "when they are need the stairs I will pushed them" means. And I assume you mean your daughter wants out of the lease, not once out of the lease.

Again, this all goes back to who signed the lease with the landlord.

All three of them are on the lease and neither can quit the lease unless all roommates are in agreement.

Both of my kids don't mind that - what they do mind is someone is drinking their filtered water, eating their food, & leaving the door open. Jill wants my daughter to let him anytime Jill is not home. Jill is 20, my daughter is 21 and so is her husband and Jack is 34. If he spends the night every night and is there all day he should be on the lease. They are diving the bills 3 ways why not 4 ways? And even forget that... the food. When you get home at 11pm and you want to eat your yogurt and it's gone and no one knows what happened to it. But JAck has been caught eating their food.. he says oh, I thought it was Jill's. When Jill gets home he says "WHAT FOOD?" You're lying!
Father was intimidating to my son in law when the finger was all over his face and my son in law kept stepping back.

When my daughter and son where distracted outside he sneaked in and locked the door behind them.

Sorry about the grammar and misspellings.

He said, when they (meaning my kids) are near the stairs I will just pushed them down the stairs and then they laughed.

Typo - Jill wants my kids to let Jack in anytime he wants to come in whether she is there or not.

If Jill is on the lease, then she is allowed to have people over at her leisure. I don't know that the exact law in your state in regards to whether Jill has to be home in order for Jack to be allowed in.

If your son-in-law felt threatened, then he should have called the police then, not waited until the father left.

Tell your daughter and son-in-law to speak to their landlord about getting out of their lease. As far as I can see, that's their only option.

Thank you for all the info.

Jill can let Jack in whenever she is there. Jill cannot give Jack a key without your daughter's permission. Jack has NO right to enter the unit unless Jill is there to let him in.

As for food, get locks for the fridge and cabinets. She should also get locks for their private area. Label any food your daughter buys and keep an inventory. If food goes missing, then give Jill an invoice for the missing items. If she refuses to pay, take her to small claims court.

Your daughter needs to be more proactive here. She is stuck in the lease until it expires or Jill lets her out. So she needs to inventory everything, take pictures od the way things and let Jill know she won't stand for anymore shenanigans.

Thank you! Yes, finally I heard something my way. Yes, you can hand over a bill to Jill but all she says it wasn't her and Jack says it wasn't him EVEN though he has been caught in the action.

Example: Jack spends the night with Jill, Jill goes to school, Jack stays behind sleeping and both of my kids one goes to work the other to school they have no idea that JAck is there. My daughter gets home finds door open and no ones home. Then 1/2 later without knocking Jack barges in helps himself to the kitchen - sits in the livingroom to watch TV. My daughter asks did you know the door was open? He said, yes. I left it open because I can't get back in until someone is home.
When my daughter locks the door he knocks like he will know the door down. When my daughter opens the door she explains that Jill is not home and he should wait till she comes home- he barges in anyway and says take it up with Jill. We are positive that Jack cut the DVD cable when he took the TV and cops say nothing you can do because YOU didn't see him do it.

AND yes your response help a lot. I was beginning to feel that I was alone.

OK, First, I don't care whether they say it wasn't them or not. If your daughter keeps meticulous records then they would have to prove someone else entered the place.

Second, get a chain lock for the door to prevent Jack from "barging in". Or when they answer the door hold it open only enough to tell him Jill isn't there. If he pushes his way in, tell him to leave immediately or they will call the police. And then do so. Jack has no right to be on the premises when Jill is not there. The police will arrest him for trespassing if they make enough noise.

If Jill leaves, then check her room before they leave. If Jack is there, tell him that since Jill is not there, he has to leave now and return when she comes back. If he refuses to leave, again call the police and charge him with trespassing. He is not a resident and has no right to be on the premises except when his host(ess) is there.

Just a quick update: My daughter and son inlaw eventually moved out. Paid a month advance rent and cleaned out there room, bathroom and their part of the kitchen. We called the movers and expected them Saturday morning - when the time came we called them to no avail. Then a few more times and nothing. We called another movers and they came on Sunday (unexperience and broke lots of stuff) but we were happy that we got help to move this stuff. Not all stuff was moved because it the movers didn't pack correctly and it was a small truck and my son in laws car is small so we took all we could. We worked till midnight. First thing in the morning we returned to the place to get the rest of the stuff and found out that whatever we left in the apt in the bedroom locked was forced opened and rummaged through -- stuff was thrown out and cabinet was broken in 4 pieces our perishables were thrown out. We found Jill putting cat litter down the kitchen drain and telling her mom as to what she was doing to get us in trouble. My kids went to see a lawyer and he said, hands down you have a case in case they sue you, you can counter sue them and get in return all your expenses reimbursed from the move. A Month later we found out she is suing for a months rent and a $20.00 bill she claims to have been stolen. Meanwhile, Jack appealed his retraining order of harassment - my kids barely said anything and judge focus on them and asked them questions. Jack said, No I didn't threaten to kill them, I threaten to kill their cats because I was mad. No I didn't locked them out of their apt I only closed and lock the door behind me. No I am not trying to find out where they live now it is my girlfriend that is trying to get that information. LAST question: Give me an good reason why I should take away the retraining order? His answer: because I am on a visa and it looks bad on me.
Needless to say, the judge did not take away the restraining order. We are still waiting to see if Jill will pursue.

Just a quick update: My daughter and son inlaw eventually moved out. Paid a month advance rent and cleaned out there room, bathroom and their part of the kitchen. We called the movers and expected them Saturday morning - when the time came we called them to no avail. then a few more times and nothing. We called another movers and they came on Sunday (unexperience and broke lots of stuff) but we were happy that we got help to move this stuff. not all stuff was moved because it the movers didnt pack correctly and it was a small truck and my son in laws car is small so we took all we could. We worked till midnight. First thing in the morning we returned to the place to get the rest of the stuff and found out that whatever we left in the apt in the bedroom locked was forced opened and rummaged through -- stuff was thrown out and cabinet was broken in 4 pieces our perishables were thrown out. We found Jill putting cat litter down the kitchen drain and telling her mom as to what she was doing to get us in trouble. My kids went to see a lawyer and he said, hands down you have a case in case they sue you, you can counter sue them and get in return all your expenses reimbursed from the move. a Month later we found out she is suing for a months rent and a $20.00 bill she claims to have been stolen. Meanwhile, Jack appealed his retraining order of harassment - my kids barely said anything and judge focus on them and asked them questions. Jack said, No I didn't threaten to kill them, I threaten to kill their cats because I was mad. No I didnt locked them out of their apt I only closed and lock the door behind me. No I am not trying to find out where they live now it is my girlfriend that is trying to get that information. LAST question: Give me an good reason why I should take away the retraining order? his answer: because I am on a visa and it looks bad on me.
Needless to say, the judge did not take away the restraining order. We are still waiting to see if Jill will pursue.

Sounds like things are turning out pretty good in the long run! Thanks for taking the time to let us know how it turned out :)