I'm 18, I deeply love a girl who is 26.

She already has her boyfriend whom she's been dating for 4 years, who she deeply loves but she's been going on bad terms with him still they will be getting engaged in October.

The love she had for him decreased since.. She still loves him.

I've already told her my feelings. I think she loves me too but our age difference, perhaps that's why she doesn't want to tell me.

I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with her.

The way she's been bahaving with me, caring for me, feeling jealous of other girls who talk to me, it seems so. I really love her a lot. I don't know what to do.

She told me before that she wished that "Why I weren't older or she younger"

Please people help me!!

She's off limits. She is a woman taken. Her wedding is in October. If the wedding doesn't take place for whatever reason, you may be in the picture.

But, in all honesty, it sounds like she is talking to you on an older sisterly level.

No actually.. its her engagement!

Please help me out!!

You already know the answer... she said it to you! Obviously the age difference is something she wouldn't be able to handle, even if she was single.

Regardless, she is taken, engaged, and to be married in a few months. So back off, let her be with her fiancé and get married... there really isn't anything you can do. You already spoke of your feelings and she shot you down.

Sorry I wish I had better advice, but I highly doubt you'll get any that tell you to continue pursuing her.

I understand it's HER engagement. But she is off limits to you. She is engaged

She's about to be engaged so she's off limits, plain and simple. Your arguments about her "going on bad terms with him" and "the love she had for him decreased" carry no weight in rationalizing any other decision. Now if she breaks things off with him clean and final then she's fair (if not wise) game, but not before.

I think you should look for new love someone your own age. On the other hand age is just a number, but by what your saying she clearly not interested in you. Being a relationship with a older woman has it's good and bad point. Good point is the maturity level, bad point is fighting over petty bull all the time. My girlfriend is about nine years my senior, and my dad was at least 20 yrs. Older than my mom. They had a stranger relationships toward the end of his life but there was no doubt they love each other. I don't want to make up your mind for you, but just wanted to give you a bit of both sides. Hope this help, at the end of the day it's your decision.

Even if you were older or she was younger, she's dating someone, she's marrying him.

She has no business leading you on, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. I would expect more from someone her age, she's acting very immature.

Forget about her, not only because you can't have her but because you can do better.

I don't think that this will go anywhere and I suspect that you're grasping at straws in an effort to create what you desire.

She's marrying someone else - whether she loves him or not is no-one's business but theirs. However, she has no right to be leading you on if she's with someone else.

I think that she's playing with you because you're an affectionate puppy looking for the crumbs she offers you as affection. It's flattering for her to have you playing around her feet.

Difficult though this may sound, I would stop having contact with her. She's with someone else. She's unhappy. You're unhappy.

You need to experience more of life before you can make an intelligent decision about who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Let her sort out her own problems and get on with living a real life, not a pretend one in her shadow.

Terry, please stop starting new threads. This leads to confusion. Please keep all of your responses here. All other threads have been removed and the responses have been merged.

She obviously has a hang up about the age thing so even if she broke it off with this guy it seems she still wouldn't go getting involved with you.
Unless she has some thunder and lightening striking her as a sign to get with you I doubt it will ever happen.

I agree with everybody here, she's taken, not available, and about to be engaged to her long time boyfriend.

I think if you were more mature, you would realize that she is playing you because she probably likes the attention of being adored. It is a cruel way to treat someone that way that you know is head over heals for you, and you also know a relationship will never happen.

I would say that even if your ages were identical, she does not indicate that she is a woman of good character to be keeping a man on the side, and stringing him along.

Women like this don't deserve a good man, and maybe this is a blessing in disguise for you.

Thanks a lot..

We work together, I'm not feeling to be a player, but I don't lack girls.

She knows it as well but I don'tknow why I chose her.

The way she's be behaving with me.

Feeling jealous when others talk to me,giving me all the mighty importance that she needed to give boyfriend.

If you had witnessed all these, the conclusion would be SHE LOVES ME !

She doesn't want to tell me because of the age.

She did told me once, "you're still young, you're cute, handsome, you'll get loads of girls".

"what would happen tome if afterwards you have someone else in your life"

I was supposed to date 2 girls this week, she came to know it.

She told me "Why you waiting for the very day, go right now".

I've already told her, on her engagement day, I'll suffer the most.

Told her to keep her distance from me, 'cause I don't want to get more closer to her. But she insists on!!

All the advice that you've given are help, I do really appreciate but my heart doesn't understand each time she comes before me!

I just want to know, she loves me or no, that's all !

But how should I get the answer??

Often people 'go after' what they can't have because it feels appealing and challenging.
She wants your attention but not your affection.
No she doesn't love you she loves the attention and how it feels that you are young and it makes her ego feel better to have the attention from you.
If she loved you she would be having second thoughts about going through with marrying her boyfriend.
You don't have to understand the reasoning of why some people do the things they do. The main importance is what is going to come from what they do... NO good is going to come from her behavior towards you. So it is best to keep telling her that you do not appreciate flirting with someone you know you can't have or else learn to ignore her.

The answer is you're an ego booster for her.

She does not love you.

In fact, she may be unaware that you love her. To her it is probably playful bantering.

I do think that at some point she crossed the line from innocent behaviour, to behaviour that she knows gets a rise out of you, but her responses and communication with you, is not love.

It's a nasty game. She likes it for some reason, and sounds to me a few taco's short a combination plate to keep the game going. I know if I were in the presence of both of you, I'd be wondering why her head is not on straight.

Although she is the older person here, and supposedly wiser, you will have to be the bigger person, and realize nothing is going to happen between the two of you.

Don't respond when she's flirting, just keep busy, and don't engage in any way with her. I think if she finds herself not getting a rise out of you, she'll stop.

Harshness warning

It doesn't really matter how she feels anymore. Whether she loves you or not, she's planning to marry another person. She's off limits.

It sounds like she cares about you a lot, much like an older sister, but she doesn't love you in the romantic way. If you feel that she's treating you more than that, then she's being unfair to her fiancé, which doesn't make her a very special person.

It's better to keep as much distance from her as possible so that you can get over her. If you keep talking to her, you will over-analyze all her actions and signs. It's very unhealthy. Nor matter how much you analyze, the bottom line is she's marrying someone else. So she's OFF LIMITS.

Sending me texts messages EVERYDAY, she would call me and we would TALK for hours.

We work together, I take all my breaks with her, or I should say she does!

She likes me a lot, keeping on praising me at home and with others, even with her boyfriend.

Once she told me, “You said and did things that my boyfriend didn't do during these past years"

"Wish I were younger or you older"

"Some day I'll tell you something, but only if I'm drunked 'cause you get kind of guts when you booze"

2 weeks ago was her birthday, she boozed a lot 'cause of the problems she been having with her boyfriend, I called her on my friend's cell, I heard her saying,

"Terry doesn't love me, he already has his girlfriend working there, and that’s why he is willing to quit this job".

"My boyfriend doesn't love me"

This made me feel confident about her answer!

I told her that I love her but don't know I didn't ask her for any kind of answer.

Days after while talking she told me,

"Even if I hadn't anyone in my life, I wouldn't be dating you, 'cause of our age difference"

But still she takes all her breaks with me!

She told me that I'm still young, handsome and I will surely find someone.

But when other girls talk to me, she tells me, "Don’t talk to her!! "

Several girls had a crush on me, asking me to go on a date with them but when I told her, she told me

"Why you waiting for the very day? Go right now!! ”

SO WHY ARE YOU JEALOUS WHEN I TALK TO OTHERS?? WHY YOU TELL ME NOT TO DATE ANYONE??
WHY IS SHE LEADING ON ME IF SHE'S WITH SOMEONE ELSE??

She's texting me right now, I'm feeling like uneasy, amn't replying her!!

She got support when she needed, taking me for a joke!

Every time I tell her that I love her she says "Yes”!

Yes what??

What she's taking me for?? >!!

You don't want to tell me that you love me or not??

So why you're playing with me! >>??

Please help me, something strong!!

She's already said her piece she won't date for the age difference,everything else is just warped..
Maybe she likes your attention
Maybe she wants to make the boyfriend jealous<beware>
Regardless she said she would never date so be friends or tell her your not comfortable with the situation because you have stronger feelings.
Can you answer two questions for me?
Why do you want this older woman?
Why do you want someone that has to use a substance i.e.alcohol to say something she may be feeling?
Lots of red flags here my friend not to mention you WORK together.

Wow, that was a nightmare to read.

Anyway, how old are you two?
If she isn't going to date you because of the age difference you can't do anything about that. She's right to say you'll find someone else.

Get away from her. I doubt you truly love her, or even know what it means. Get yourself a girlfriend. Go out with a girl, and don't tell her about it. Get away from her because you can't have her and you're only hurting yourself emotionally by trying to have her anyway.

You DO NOT need to post multiple threads. If you have more information to share, add it in a reply, it is unnecessary to do it like this, and just clutters up the forum.

Anyway:

Wow, that was a nightmare to read.

Anyway, how old are you two?
If she isn't going to date you because of the age difference you can't do anything about that. She's right to say you'll find someone else.

Get away from her. I doubt you truly love her, or even know what it means. Get yourself a girlfriend. Go out with a girl, and don't tell her about it. Get away from her because you can't have her and you're only hurting yourself emotionally by trying to have her anyway.

I stand by what I said in your other thread. You are still growing, still maturing. Whether you like it or not, she already has her life planned, and it doesn't include you.

I really beautiful, PLAIN AND SIMPLE !
Understands me, understands life..

She told me she doesn't have guts to tell me this that's why she needed to get drunk.

Is there anything that you can advise me I should tell her??

Make her feel how much I love her, and what she's doing with me is wrong.

Tell her "I love you, but what you're doing with me is wrong. If you are still with your boyfriend, you can't keep using me. I'm sorry, but we're through."

You can't have her, so quit leading her on, and quit letting her lead you on.

I agree tell her that she is playing with your emotions and you need to get over her so you need 'a break'. When she says "Don't talk to her!!!" Tell her she already has her boyfriend so she has no place in telling you who you can't talk to

Is there anything that you can advise me I should tell her ??? Make her feel how much I love her, and what she's doing with me is wrong.

First rule in life, Mr Carter.

You can't MAKE anyone do anything.

She's trying to MAKE you understand that she doesn't want you and you're not listening, you're trying to MAKE her understand that you want her and she's not listening. And so it goes.

If she doesn't want you there is nothing that you can do to make her want you. It's as simple as that really. Why do you keep beating your head against a brick wall?

She's using the energy you give her through your flattery and declarations of love - and keeping you by her side whilst sucking you dry. She's vampiric, but you can't see it. She just wants your energy - she doesn't want your love.

She has power over you (because you give it to her), she's using you and she's emotionally cheating with you. That's why she keeps you by her side. Imagine how much trouble she'd be if you were in a relationship with her!

She's the classic succubus. Change your job and kick her to the sidewalk.

I told her that I'll be quitting this job soon as my graphic designer course will soon begin..

She told me "You're quitting 'cause of me"

She did told me "I know how much you're suffering"

When I told her that I love, it was just like a saying that she just didn't care about.

She has been calling me since the morning, till now I have been ignoring her..

I've been avoiding her since I got into work.

She told me "What happened?”

"You're just trying to avoid me!"

'cause I did tell her once, I'll suffer the most on your engagement day..

I should try to keep my distance from you as from now itself.

I really love her a lot; I'm ready to avoid her..

But just want her to tell me, make her feel the pain that I'm feeling now!!

She told me that she won't ever stop sending me text messages or calling me even if I try to avoid her!!

BUT THAT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING RIGHT NOW AS I'VE BEEN AVOIDING HER AT WORK!

Once I told her that I'll always be here for her.. She told me the same..

BUT SHE THOUGHT I WAS JOKING THAT'S WHY SHE SAID SO!!

OH JESUS!! AM I DREAMING??

I'M JUST LIKE A PROTAGONIST, SHE LEADING ON ME!!
CONTROLLING ME!!

I haven't been talking to her since I got in!!

She knows it well, why I'm not talking to her!!

I JUST MAKE HER FEEL THAT REALLY I COULD HAVE BEEN THE POSSIBLE THING SHE HAD!!

Sometimes I feel like, I don't mean anything to her; she just doesn't care about me!!

What does she think she's doing to me?? Playing with me!?

OH!! Please don't!

I think I'm ruining myself!! DESTROYING MYSELF!!

The only thing she cares about is her boyfriend!!

SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE THAT I LOVE HER!!

IF I KNEW THIS WAS Going to HURT THIS BAD, I WOULD HAVE NAVER FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HER!

I ONLY NEED ONE, ONE STRONG SAYING THAT WILL MAKE HER FEEL ALL THE PAIN, MAKE HER FEEL DEVASTATED!!

You can't have her, so quit leading her on, and quit letting her lead you on.

Don't try to hurt her, it will only backfire.
Just get away from her. It's the only thing you can do. Block her from your phone, it's that easy.

Please people!
I know that you're feb up but please give me something strong..

Please people !!
I know that you're feb up but please give me something strong..

Er, exactly WHAT do you want people to say to you?

You know what the situation is... she's using you and you're hooked right into it. She LOVES the fact that you're suffering and making a fuss about not talking to her. She never really wanted you - she just wanted your attention. It feeds her ego to know that you're full of confusion and thwarted desire over her.

For heaven's sake grow up and kick her to the curb!

You don't need to make her feel devastated. That's childish and immature. All you need to do is ignore her. A woman like her hates being ignored and it will drive her crazy.

Man up, take back your masculinity and treat her with the disinterest and disdain that she deserves. She used you.

Threads merged yet again for the last time.

She's been giving me all the mighty importance that a girl should be giving her boyfriend.
That's for sure, she feels something for me, and perhaps she doesn't realize it.
I put that in my mind that she won't ever be mine, but she keeping giving me hopes by the way she behaves with me.
She keeps calling me every time at work just to give me flying kisses.
And when I ask he where she giving the kiss, she says on my lips!!
What's that??
Somebody please help.
I never loved anyone before so why am I falling for her?
I can't figure out what to do, just can't take her out of my mind.
How can I convince her that I love her, to trust me, that I never leave her!
I don't know why her?? Why did I choose her?
I'm willing to take her.

Well buddy you seem awfully lost. You're still young and she is using you like a yo-yo. You need to go No Contact with her, tell her you don't want anything to do with her as you have feelings for her but understand you cannot be together. There's plenty of fish out there.

Until you man up, and let this girl go, and stick to No Contact with her, she will always throw your thinking into chaos, and confusion.

Can't you see your just her emotional tampon? An outlet to her own confusion, and unhappiness in her life. That's not love, that's dependence, like you're her drug to make her feel better. If you can't do better for yourself, then read the stickies at the beginning of this forum.

For the last time: Get away from her before you hurt yourself, kid!

Can't you see?
She is your nicotine. She is poison. You get some. It hurts you, but you gain a desire to want more. You take more, it hurts you more, but you want it even more. You can now either take as much as you can, or stop. If you keep trying, you will soon become too addicted. You can give it your all, and die of cancer, or you can stop cold turkey, and die of withdrawel.
Nobody likes smoking, let alone are the in love with it. They become addicted and cannot stop, and it kills them.

Now, you are at the bold. You can choose to stop, and survive. Or, you can continue, and no matter what you do after that, she will kill you emotionally.

It's your choice, don't be stupid.

FIND some one that loves you for YOU
You don't need to wait for the crumbles to drop from the table. That's all you will get from her.
I bet you have a lot going for you and could get any girl you want.
Get out and get doing things and meeting people.

Threads merged

Hello everybody...

Well, some of you people might still remember me..

I took your advices, I swear, but it
I still can't get that girl out of my head, the more I try to avoid her, the more closer I get to her.

My colleagues had palnned an outing last week. She insisted so that I come, she said that only my presence among them and with her is enough, even if I don't talk to her.

Had a nice day.. On our way home, she said she couldn't believe that I was beside me, she had such a nice time with me etc...

"I'm glad that in your life, your remaining days, one day was mine" she said...

She said that she has something to tell me, she'll tell me the right time...
I'm not sure what she has to tell me, but I think that she loves me too.
Maybe no!

She still loves her bfriend, even if she going on bad terms with him, she just broke up with him.
Why should he wait for 4 years to put an engagement date and then not willing to.

When she told him these facts, he had nothing to say, he was stammering while talking to her!!

She knows that I love her so why she keeps on hurting me??
She deliberately does something that hurts me. Like pissing me off etc!!

Why?? Why does she need to tell me to take her away when I'll quit this temporily job??

She likes my company as she feels comfortable with me, I have always been here for her, made her realise the basic facts..

"Each time I wanna cry I think of you, what you usually tell me" she often says.

What do I need to do to?

I don't want to lose her even if she doesn't love me, I want to live with her forever...

I don't even know what to do...

Should I behave, act the same way she does with me??
Or should I just let her on her own...

Please people, I feel like crying..

I really really love her, more than everything...
The only thing I need is her..
I ain't nothing without her. What I am going to do if she gets engaged..
I don't want to see her sad either, whether she with me or with her boyfriend, I just want to see her happy, smiling.

I need a strong verbiage, kind of to convince her, to express my feelings, to make he trust me, maybe love me..

Dude, you need to tell her how you feel, and to stop playing games with your heart. If she still loves her boyfriend, then you'll now for sure when they get married... and if she DOES get engaged and is still confusing/pissing you off, then you really need to cut the ties and move on cause this girl has some issues to sort out and your just getting caught in the line...

I entered her life like a support..
She's been going on bad terms with her boyfriend, I shouldered her since.
I never meant to fall in love with her, but it just happened.

Sometimes it hurts like hell when she says something for what I see is against my feelings.

How dude??

I entered her life like a support..
She's been going on bad terms with her boyfriend, I shouldered her since.
I never meant to fall in love with her, but it just happened.

Sometimes it hurts like hell when she says something for what i see is against my feelings.

How dude???

Can I ask you a question? What and why did you respond by calling the person offering you advice by that term?
Seriously I don't think that is appropriate. If you appreciate someone's advice than say Thanks Man... honestly.
And since your on here asking advice let me tell you mine. Your waiting in the wings to be her rebound. Nobody likes to leave someone and have no one. Don't be fooled and used. If she leaves her boyfriend, give it some time before you even think about having a relationship with her. She will need time before she can reasonably move on. Be careful and please chose your words wisely so as not to offend people when responding.

We can show you your choices, but the "right" path is the one you have to decide on yourself like you are the only one who knows how you feel about her.

I will say that it sounds like she is using you to bolster her self-esteem that is taking a beating from the other relationship. I, personally, do not see why anyone would want to make his/herself a "whipping boy" for a relationship he/she is not a part of.

Being a friend, caring about another person, trying to be supportive, etc. can be good things until the other person starts demanding more support and giving none back. That sounds like where you are now.

You can continue to be her crutch and slowly destroy yourself at the same time or you can be firm with her and tell her that she needs to fix her own mess not drag others into it.

IF she is still in a relationship (as in going out with) the other guy, then my other bit of advice is to leave her alone. She is in a relationship-she is off-limits. Until that relationship is completely ended and she has moved on from it, I would leave her alone.

Thanks man...
Seems that you've been through this before.
The way she talked to me yesterday, I'm 100&#37; sure that she loves me too.
But she admitted she's afraid to make the first step towards me because the last time she made it towards her boyfriend her life became hell though she loves him. She was like a puppet to him.
She doesn't want to live like this with someone who treats her like a puppet. At first there were stars shining in the velvet sky for her but afterwards thunder.

She says "I'm not mentally ready to accept new facts, at times I don't believe that YOU can love me that much but from the texts messages you sent me, it seems that how deeply you love me, what you might be thinking, feeling when you sent it to me"
"Unknowingly you gave me everything, when you don't come to work, I don't feel like working, when you're here, you presence is enough"
"if you wouldn't have been here I would have died" because she was completely broken the way her boyfriend treated her, after 4 years of relationship he still wasn't ready to marry her, even postponed their engagement, blamed her and her parents for that, something that anyone wouldn't definitely digest. I was here for her, cheering her up, I was the everything for her.
She's 7 years older than me.
I'm 19 and she's 26 but I really love her, I lack words to express my love for her.
I only need to make her feel confident, trust me.

You want the right path, leave her alone, and find it for yourself. As long as your focused on this healing, confused, distracted female, you lose your own goals, and dreams.

Keep going down the path your on, your looking for more misery, and pain, than you have now.

Romance, and fantasy, are great when put in the right perspective, but reality takes no prisoners.

Why can't you wake up and realise she s stringing you along and using you as her emotional crutch?Has none of the advice you ve been given here sunk in?

Now I do really think that she'll drive me mad.

She loves me, that I'm sure.
On Friday she told me that she's afraid to make the first step again, she doesn't want to get hurt.

But 1 thing, 1 thing is really... that I found out yesterday. She's not virgin.

It's because of this truth that she didn't tell me that she loves me too, she's afraid to make the first step as well, THAT'S WHY!! And I thought that I must be misjudging her. She thought that my thoughts would change.

Yesterday morning, like every day she called me, I was fed up, I expressed all my feelings, told her all what I had to. She wasn't willing to accept that she loves me too, making excuses that my parents wouldn't accept that and in the end I told her to choose between me and her bfriend.

She wouldn't accept that she loves me too.

Why ? I was just thinking and thinking, making a mess of myself.

Around midday she sent me a text message.

"Hi Terry. I'm sorry I hurt you so much. After what I going to tell you, I'm sure that you're gonna hate me.
I loved Nitish a lot, a lot, so much that we even had love.
That's why I hate myself so much. When I hate myself so much how do you want me to love you?
I know that your mind-set and your feeling would change, but that's ok I'm used to it.
I don't want anyone to touch me again."

Man, I'm the only one who knows how broken I was, I was destroyed. Till now I thought she was v... BUT, I loved her, love HER!

Since she told me that I kept on calling her, she ignored my calls, at about 1am I talked to her, she was not willing to talk, I needed to implore her to talk.
Still she wouldn't talk.


At night I wasn't able to get some sleep, I refreshed myself with my clothes on , I don't know what was going in my head!! OH, JESUS!!

It’s in the beginning of this year that they had sex the 1st time, last time was back in April.
Every time I read the text she sent me, it hurts!
When I imagine, how he must have made love to her, it really hurts at lot!!
She told me as well, most often when I was off, before he went to work.

You love someone that much that you're willing to do everything for him even dreamt of your future with him.
He's been making all kinds of promises to you.
After 3 ½years of relationship you agree to have sex with him because you love him too much, once he got what he wanted he pisses you off, blames you for every single issue even blames you parents for not holding to the engagement. How would you feel??

SHE'S BROOKKEENNNN, she knows that he took advantage of her!!

She suffered at lot being with him but she loved him, she couldn't say a word against, after having sex she realized that only when he wanted her that he recalled her, even wiped out the engagement out her mind while.

I told her to come and meet me today, before I go to work as she's off today.
I would be by her side for every decision she makes, each steps she makes and forever.
I was explaining her that she must not live like this; making a dull face, not willing to talk to me, etc.

After she told me that she's not virgin, she wasn't mentally stable.
She said that she wouldn't feel comfortable if she hadn't told me this, she wants me to make the right decision. (That’s not a joke, she does love me to tell me this)
Why must she turn around the past, she must make a step forward.
She says that she wants to be alone, told her that when she needed someone to shoulder her, I was here and now when I love her and want to spend my life with her, she says she no more wants me in her life.
She says that she live with that burden (virginity) the rest of her life.
This might be a problem for me in the future. I might let her on her own, she might regret her life (being pissed off twice, get hurt). I might take this into consideration afterwards, which proves a point but I loved her, not her body, her past.
She won't able to see anyone from that angle.

Why should you live like this, in a way, you're making lots of people suffer.
Her parents and me!
Don’t care about me but what if afterwards your parents notice that you're living your life like hell?
That would give them real pleasure, they're old and they are dependent on you, if they notice that then you'll be dependent on them in a way.
At least if you don't want to spend your life with me, do it for the sake of your parents.

I told her, IF YOU WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE, THEN I'LL STAND BY YOUR SIDE FOR EVER BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT ME, I GO AWAY AND WILL NEVER TURN AROUND THE PAST.

She said, “Will you be able to forget me?”

Asked her,

Did I ever hurt you till now? - NO
Got loads of girls, did I make a move towards them? - NO
Did I ever advised or told you something bad/wrong? – NO
Do you think I’m able to hurt you? - NO

Before leaving for home, she told me that from now on every time I'm going to meet him, you'll think that we're going to have sex.
I told her; don't give him another chance to make use of you. She said, I don't think I'll ever meet him.

She knows me PERFECT, I’m not perfect but willing to be one for her. She knows me, I don't even have such a heart to hurt her.
But the blow that she got from her boyfriend, that's going to take some time to heal. Maybe never trusting me...

What I'm intending to do, is assuring her, and being by her side which I have been doing...

"IF YOU HADN'T BEEN HERE, I WOULD HAVE DIED" these words still echo in my ears.
She told this to her family members, when she was shattered, I was here, like god. And now I'm writing my own fate!!

She's 26 and you expected her to be a virgin?

This all seems extremely eccentric and strange to me. What would her losing her virginity have to do with mental stability? And I wonder how you'd feel if this was your fiancé who was trying to be stolen from someone 8 years younger than you are?

Terry, I am not sure I would believe what she says. Her story seems to get worse when you try to back off. Like she is trying reel you back in where she wants to keep you. Quite frankly, I think she is using your age and lack of mature experience against you.

You can not be responsible for her well-being. As harsh as it sounds, she has to live her own life and deal with her own mistakes. Pulling other people into them is unfair to those people especially since she doesn't seem to want to work on them herself.

You do not want to be involved in a relationship with this woman until she is over (healed from) her current relationship. She needs to find herself and her own self-respect and esteem. She won't if she hops from one relationship to the next.

She has not dealt with her issues enough to be in a healthy relationship with any one at this point. She says she loves you but rejection is her issue. Leave her alone to deal with herself.

No Contact is hard, but if your not willing to do it, then keep suffering, until you have had enough.

Losing virginity is the worst of all, knowing that the person you gave it to, turned his back.

What I can possibly do, is support her, encourage her, maybe she might acceot with time that she loves me too.

If she doesn't want me in her life, I walk away
It's not that easy to leave someone you love off limits half way.
You just can't wake up a very morning and stop loving someone.

Do you see that as a solution?

Terry - you're being played. Wake up man and stop being such a fool! She's screwing with your head.

This woman has some sort of personality disorder - can't you see that everything is about HER? Virginity has nothing to do with this, it is just another of the many lies that she's using to play you.

Her stories change to suit the situation, her moods shift like the breeze - she wants you then she doesn't want you, she's talking to you and pouring her heart out then she's ignoring you, she's making up stories and counter-stories - all in the space of a few hours.

She's an emotional vampire keeping you on strings like a puppet - and you're dancing to her tune - she has you entranced and spellbound just waiting for the next morsel or crumb of attention that she's using to feed your obsession with her.

This woman will never 'realize that she loves you' because she doesn't know how to love - all she wants is your obsession - she's feeding off you to sustain herself.

Once you're sucked dry, maybe you'll understand that you were just a toy for her.

If she doesn't want me in her life, I walk away

She doesn't want what you want, you as her romantic partner.

It's not that easy to leave someone you love off limits half way.

Yes it is, when your giving and hoping, and she is just taking.


You just can't wake up a very morning and stop loving someone.


Sure you can, when you realize your love is not being returned, but used for her own benefit.

Its up to you how far you will be strung out. You can stop this anytime you chose. The sooner, the better.

Thanks a lot people!!

I really appreciate it..
It's not necessary that the person you love should love you back. That's not called love.
I'm still young, fresh so, buddy take it easy.

I thought a lot about this, asked myself the very question.

Thank you again, you helped me out.

I won't leave her side, I'll just see her from a different angle, friendship, no more emotional talks though we work together as everyone needs a job and it's not that easy to find another job.

(Eve  the one I love)
(Jane  eves so called sister-in-law)

It seems that this game will never end.

Well, I tried to end this so called relationship.
But each time we talked she kept on giving me hopes with her sweet words, talks.

3 weeks ago, I told Eve to meet up. She said she'll let me know by the next day morning. She sent me a text message; she won't be able to meet me as her boyfriend told her to wait for him at the station, Ok!
Didn't tell her a word.
The next day, a Sunday, the same happened, again they met up.

I didn't know what to do.
I boozed a lot, at night her Jane was keeping on calling me, I kept on rejecting her calls but it happened that instead of rejecting her call, I picked it up mistakenly and at that very time I was narrating my whole story to my cousin. She heard it all, I didn't pay too much attention on that as I hadn't taken Eve's name.

The three of us work together.

At night we fought about her meeting up with her boyfriend, well I shouldn't as she's not mine yet. We reconciled hours later.

A week later, we had planned an outing at work. I didn't want t o go as Jane was bringing her brother along, told Eve. She kept on insisting for me to come, told her 'you want me to see you both together' to suffer more. She told me just to wait and watch if she assures me that she might be mine one day or will make me back off her life.
That very day came, indeed she assured me, didn't even walked along with him.

Last week, she told me that she doesn't want to give me any more hopes. That she's not that type of women who's needs a man. I hung up on her.

At night when I went to work, I felt that Jane came to know everything about us; that Eve asked for time to give me answer etc.. My own friends, back stabbed me, they were jealous of me, they told Jane everything they knew. She was then sure of that, every single word she heard from me was about Eve.

Next day, our company held a party , both Eve and Jane couldn't come as they worked on that day.
I switched my cell off because after what Eve told me the previous morning, I thought of playing NC and get over her.
I had missed call alert activated on my cell. She called me over hundred times. Then I didn't know that her boyfriend came to know everything.

Sunday... Eve's uncle called me and told me that she loves me, and is willing to do everything to be with me, I was relieved at last.
But when I called her, I came to know the whole story, her boyfriend came to know everything, she cried at lot. He had called at her place and told her mother that she was cheating on her him, blamed her whole family and all that stuff.

At times she tells me that she needs to prove him her innocence and get over him and at times to prove him and get married with him. Everyone at work came to know about us.

She tells me at times that everything lies in my hand.. What exactly does she want me to do??

What is she taking me for?

How do I get over her?
Make her feel what she did to me, she played with me!!

She didn't ate since last Saturday, she fell unconscious on Monday at work and yesterday as well. She's been admitted to the city hospital. She called me several times, asked her about her health.
She got discharged today, there was no one available to pick her up, as she lives far away the hospital.

Her boyfriend called her, told her that he will pick her up. And she's telling me that.

Oh girl! What have you taken me for??
You've got your man, so just back off my life.
That's not that easy for me to back off so??

Please I feel confused, played..

Quote by Terry MJ Carter;
How do I get over her?
Make her feel what she did to me, she played with me!!


First, you don't try to make her feel anything. She played you only as much as you let her. Read over this thread and you can see that you virtually played yourself.

Second, you go No Contact as much as you can considering you work in the same place. No more phone calls (cell or land-line), no more texts, no emails, no snail mail, absolutely no Facebook or MySpace or any other way that you can think of to have any contact with her outside of work. At work, only talk to her when you have to and then only about work. Nothing personal. Be polite but distant. You are co-workers and that is all.

Third, I sincerely hope that you can keep NC for your own peace of mind and healing. Give yourself what resources you need to keep busy mentally and physically. Allow yourself to let her go.

It won't be easy and it will hurt but DON'T allow yourself to try to bury the pain in a bottle. Alcohol and healing don't mix. It can make you do unwise things like answering a call instead of ignoring it and the hangover doesn't help anything.

Someday, when you are over her and you have tossed out the baggage you packed during this relationship, you will meet someone who is there for you and wants to build a relationship and life with you.

You need some serious healing and NC to do ASAP. You're doing horribly, cut all contact and move on.

OMG Terry. You're being SO played.

We've told you this all along, but you only seem to be able to think with that thing between your legs - at least that's where your brains seem to have gone.

WHY are you involved in this drama? Now her family and your entire workplace have got involved. (Why is her uncle ringing your for F's sake!) Can't you see she loves it? Can't you see she's enacting this 'Greek tragedy' all for your benefit (and probably her long suffering BF)? It's spinning out of control.

You know I call a spade a spade. At this point in time I think you need professional help to unravel this, and you need to leave this workplace. Go speak to a counselor. You do hold the power to stop this in your hand and you must take it.

She won't leave her BF, but she will leave you with a gaping hole where your heart is.

Thanks people..

I called her yesterday, told her to stop calling me.
It's really painful for me to forget her, I don't it to be more painful.
Her man loves her and she does too. I don't want to be involved in.
I need to fight back my emotions, feelings all because I'm not supposed to love her anymore.

She sent me a text in the morning 'Thanks for everything, I need to fight not you. Forgive me for all'

Yeah indeed I did loads for her, much more than her boyfriend.

Please if you have any more advices...
It's hard but I need to...

You concentrate on doing things you like and that make you happy and contented. Keep busy,see friends,go to the gym-and stay as NC as you possibly can. And tell yourself that every day is another step towards complete healing.

It's the part where it's going to hurt but where you take your life back into your own hands.

There is a world out there, go out, go the gym everyday, new hobbies... Be patient though it takes time to get over someone.

Something I did once that might help.

When faced with letting go, and moving on, it isn't easy as you have found out, but there is more than one way to do this. At least something to set a foundation to make it easier.

I had a similar situation and found it very hard to not love the person on one hand, while all the evidence was staring me in the face. It was like two different situations happening at the same time, and both realities were crashing into each other.

Take some quiet time for yourself. No TV, no radio, just total peace and quiet. Get out some paper and pens, and write a farewell. Write about the beginning of the relationship, all the good times, funny times, things that really stand out. The hardships and what you overcame together when life threw curveballs your way. Write about the end of the relationship, and how it hurt you so deeply, and why, and if you're angry, write that out too and be specific, hurl the insults, don't hold back. You may be writing for a very long time. Put the coffee on.

When you are done, read it over, set it aside, and go back to it the next day, and read it again. This is your life you are putting down on paper, and you are the only one who is going to own every single word.

Then, put it in the kitchen sink, light a match to it, and burn it.

For me, I felt 150% better, and had a new mindset that wasn't based on emotion, but based on fact. It helped to settle the idea, with reasons and words, why it was over; things seemed to solidify, and emotions aren't all over the place anymore. What you will do essentially, is provide your own answers, and create a path out of where you are now.

Today I sat, thought about all.
How much I suffered and all.
All these advices, support you've given me people were more than someone could have expected.

I am the only one to be blamed, not her.. Shouldn't have loved her.

Below are some post that NOW I realise were the facts that I needed to realise, to be conscious of. All of you have been soooo helpful, thanks at lot.

Cat1864
Sep 27, 2009

Terry, I am not sure I would believe what she says. Her story seems to get worse when you try to back off. Like she is trying reel you back in where she wants to keep you. Quite frankly, I think she is using your age and lack of mature experience against you.

You can not be responsible for her well-being. As harsh as it sounds, she has to live her own life and deal with her own mistakes. Pulling other people into them is unfair to those people especially since she doesn't seem to want to work on them herself.

You do not want to be involved in a relationship with this woman until she is over (healed from) her current relationship. She needs to find herself and her own self-respect and esteem. She won't if she hops from one relationship to the next.

Gemini54
Sep 29, 2009

Terry - you're being played. Wake up man and stop being such a fool! She's screwing with your head.

This woman has some sort of personality disorder - can't you see that everything is about HER? Virginity has nothing to do with this, it is just another of the many lies that she's using to play you.

Her stories change to suit the situation, her moods shift like the breeze - she wants you then she doesn't want you, she's talking to you and pouring her heart out then she's ignoring you, she's making up stories and counter-stories - all in the space of a few hours.

She's an emotional vampire keeping you on strings like a puppet - and you're dancing to her tune - she has you entranced and spellbound just waiting for the next morsel or crumb of attention that she's using to feed your obsession with her.

This woman will never 'realize that she loves you' because she doesn't know how to love - all she wants is your obsession - she's feeding off you to sustain herself.

Once you're sucked dry, maybe you'll understand that you were just a toy for her.

You've reached the state of insight which is great you can only move on and heal now-dont blame yourself,you loved unwisely as it turned out, but you know you have the capacity to love when you meet the right woman.

My heart melt.
Last Thursday I told her that I'll date brunette at work maybe that will help her on her side to fight these talks going on at work, she said yeah!
She called me minutes ago, she was talking to me as if nothing ever happened. She told me that he boyfriend and her FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW told her to her to come at his place on Tuesday to clear the misunderstandings perhaps etc, and she's going to call me a last time to let me know what happened.. She was keeping on asking me what I told that girl she was ready to date me in one day's time. I not those kind of guys to date any kind of girls (as till now I ignored all the girls for her, to get her love). Stating that my behavior changed, I'm talking to her rudely etc. 'i need to change, live for myself now' smashed that on her face! Again with her sweet talks she told me 'I told you to quit smoking, won't you quit it?', because I did told her once that I quit smoking for her sake but now that doesn't really matter!
Told her that the reason I told you to stop calling is that I don't want to get hurt more I want to erase you and everything thing that will reminds me of you from my life..
She was bouncing me on every time I told her this. You love your man and he does too so, go ahead girl, wish you all prosperity and all that stuffs. Again she bounced on me, then she hung up, again she called me, she told me not do and say anything that will worsen things for her when I going to meet that girl later on today as she's her sister-in-law's best friend, that why she called again. Told her the same, she was kind of irritated each time I said this to her. Told me that I encouraged her till now to fight, to remove that tag on US and now I'm backing off, I'm not the only one who got hurt. I don't care what people say, see me as because I'll be quitting this job soon. I told her 'what do you want me to do, I don't want to get hurt more'. Kept on telling her all that stuffs, she said she shouldn't have even called me. Yeah you shouldn't ! That's the last time. She told me 'what you going to do when you face me at work, you're going to turn your face? ', told her if it needs to be done then yeah. She was yelling over me and before she hung up on my face again, I told her, the least I expected is that one day you will tell me that you love me too. 'you know it's impossible Terry' that's what she told me.. It broke me. But I felt relieved, it's all going good.
She only used me, played me as much I did let her but now IT'S ALL OVER DUDE, that's what I told myself.
Courage, courage all I need, I need to be a stone hearted man now..
Now she feels it, how much it hurts.

But still I need... to overcome all these...

Terry-dont pick up if she calls you again. She's a witch-and now she feels deprived of her toy. Avoid her at work-and I hope you ll be leaving there real soon so you can start complete NC.
Good luck.

Terry, it isn't going to be easy and you're going to feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster from a horror flick, but you can get through this and heal. Give yourself time and work on those resources that help keep you strong and the down moments will even out.

I hope you have given up the idea of 'dating the brunette at work' for any reason. You don't need more drama at work and you don't want to use the other woman as a tool to help the Drama Queen (DQ) or to get over her. Not fair to either of you.

As has been said, No Contact in any form or fashion that includes answering her calls. If she calls, ignore her if you recognize the number or, if she uses an unknown number, feel free to hang up on her. You have told her not to contact you so she can expect rudeness if she is going to be rude and call you. At work is the only place that you have to be polite and talk to her only for purposes of getting the job done. Don't even think about protecting her in any way. She isn't.

Good luck on leaving this job and getting a new one. I think that may be one of your better moves so far.

Cat is right about dating the brunette at work, don't do it. You know where it will lead, and that is straight down the drama path to the school of, I Should Not Have Done That, where you will be repeating classes on, How To Let The Ex Go, 101.

While you keep this continuous ball of emotions going with the woman who is now engaged and clearly into it, you have not yet realized that she is no longer available, even if she doesn't get it herself. She chooses to keep playing you, and you keep jumping.

Not to mention that dating the brunette is using her to get at the other one. That is not fair to the brunette, and you know darn well that that tactic is going to keep the toxic ball rolling and rolling along.

Your displaced anger on the one you really want, is innapropriate. If you need to 'show her' that you are 'over' her, actions speak louder than words. By your actions, clearly this whole thing is to get her goat. And for what purpose- revenge? To get her back? To make you feel better?

You have to sever the connection- permanently, both physically with all the drama on the phone, and emotionally, by finding other ways to deal with your emotions. Get out there, get to the gym, do something useful with your time and energy.

Terry, you've got some really, really good advice on this site. In order for you to move on - and you must if you want to heal, grow and learn from this experience - you need to focus on applying some of the advice to your relationship with the vampire.

I suggest that as much as possible, you need to focus on the process of going no contact:

1. Stop speaking to her and justifying your actions. No calls, no texts, no emails, no smoke signals, no carrier pigeons. Write a list of all the reasons the vampire's NOT good for you and keep a copy on your desk at work and near the phone at home.

2. No meetings or interactions with the vampire (if you can help it). You need to change your job, start the process of doing this, start looking for work and talking to your networks about it.

3. Don't ask, don't tell. Ask your friends, and work associates not to tell you news of the vampire or act as her intermediary. Explain that you prefer not to hear about her. Tell them that for the time being, you don't want to know what the vampire's doing, when the wedding is, or what her Facebook status is, etc.

4. Don't bait the vampire about who you're going out with or not. And, don't date 'the brunette' at work. Firstly it's disrespectful to the poor brunette (she's doesn't even have a name!) and secondly you're setting yourself up again by trying to get back at the vampire.

5. The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Pack away photos, gifts, notes, etc. that remind you of the vampire - burn them.

6. Get a new job and delete the vampire from your life. Delete her name and number from your phones. Delete her email addresses. Delete her from MySpace, Facebook, and every other website on which you're currently connected. Block her incoming numbers, texts and emails. Block any of her family's numbers. Do not answer calls from unknown or private callers.

7. Avoid alcohol and other inhibition reducing substances. Drinking and dialing is generally always a big mistake. You don't want to let the vampire back into your thoughts because you had one too many beers.

8. Reconnect with yourself, your family, your friends and your life. Get in touch with the people you weren't seeing because you were so obsessed with the vampire. Start doing the things you used to enjoy. Pursue your interests again. Make a commitment to exercise/working out.

The goal is to stop this obsessive relationship and focus on making yourself healthy and strong in body, spirit and mind. If you need to, print out all of the posts on this thread, keep them near you bed - read them before you got to bed at night to reinforce to yourself the absolute necessity to break the unhealthy nexus between yourself and the vampire.

Thanks at lot Jake, Cat, amicon, paxe, taliman, Gemini and all.. All your advices have been of great help. You've shouldered me a lot during these past months.
That's the least that anyone would have expected, a dead came alive. So much courage, I only lack words. I don't care what her reaction might be, how she'd feel as till now she didn't care for me, did for me.
Her sweet talks, thoughts still hurt me a lot, but I need to move on. It's going to hurt but when I'm healed I'll tell myself 'how could you be so stupid Terry'. That's true..

Thank you again..

Hi people...
I left the job but I didn't go nc with her...
We fought several times after this...
I've got cancer, she was the first person I looked for but ineeded to plead her only to talk to her for afew moments.. it was on new year's eve...

on the 5th of Jnuary I lef the company as my health was deteriorating...

I met her 3 days later, we had sex that day but still she wouldn't want to hold ma hand...

Her father got admitted to the city mental asylum.. both her and her momma told me to come along with them to see him.. I went... her father was looking for her ex... he calls her everyday to enquire about her father..

U know the rest of the story.. again I pleaded her to hold m hand forever...

BLA BLA BLA...

Today my photos got approved.. I'm posing for Armani Jeans...

called her to announce the good news but in her talks oi asked her if her ex still calls her... she said yeah..

asked her if she calls him too..
she said yeah at times yeah I do call him... (without any particular reason)

Why should you call him when your father already got discharged..

OMG.. I don't know..
I sent her a text telling her all that stuffs; I loved u valued you bla bla bla...

man now really I feel like I don't need her... she only cares for herself...
she a real witch!!

I am glad that life for the most part seems to be going well for you. Good luck in the new job. :)

Terry, I am sorry to hear about your cancer. I wish you the best with your battle, stay strong. It is important that you keep your mind strong and your body strong... which is all the reason to leave the drama behind. Concentrate on you

Terry, you've already got so many challenges in your life.

Why do you keep going back to this toxicity that you don't need?

Let her go - I can absolutely assure you that your life will be much, much better without her in it, or her in your thoughts.

Focus on what sounds like a very promising career.

Take care, and be kind to yourself.