Moved to its own thread
I was with someone for 1 year, and now we broke up, and she needs space. It is hard to let that go. But what is the best thing to do?

Enjoy being single... short, but simple and easy to do if you dedicate yourself towards it. Happiness is in front of us almost all the time, but most times we ignore it.

there s great advice in the stickies at the top of this page.Id like to recommend no contact =NC as this will give you time to find some balance and start to build a relationship with yourself.all breakups hurt, but you ll find that as the days go by you ll start to recover from the pain

How old are you? The best way to move beyond a break up is to heal through no contacting her, and building a life that you enjoy, without her in it. That means enjoying your freedom with friends, and activities, that make you happy. A hobby, or developing new skills or volunteering, will give you the chance to see other options, and opportunities for yourself. That's always a good thing.

How old are you?? The best way to move beyond a break up is to heal thru no contacting her, and building a life that you enjoy, without her in it. That means enjoying your freedom with friends, and activities, that make you happy. A hobby, or developing new skills or volunteering, will give you the chance to see other options, and opportunities for yourself. Thats always a good thing.

Yes, keeping busy. Trying new hobbies. And volunteering. All help. More time doing stuff, means less time ruminating on what went by. This is not to say that at some point one ought to sit down and thing through one's life! But keep busy for sometime.

Threads merged

I am 25 years old. I understand no contact. I actually spoke to her today and yesterday shorty. But told her I won't bother her I will give her, her space. Basically I am hurt really bad but will be OK. I just explained to her how I felt and she really said she needs space, and then said is confused about what? So I said OK and let her know how I felt.she knows that I want to marry her and we even talked about kids etc. She is the one. I'm actually leaving to the military soon and she knows that as well, after boot camp she knows I wanted to marry her and she was going to live with me off base. What happens now. I just said fine I will give you space but its hard really hard, when you been with someone 24/7 and did everything together slept every night together. But we had some problems we argued a little, so I guess it just got to her and she needed time. Any suggestions people thanks.

Hey, sorry you are dealing with this.. its not easy, but if you read the threads on this site you will see a lot of relationships are similar in your situation. When you hang out with someone 24/7 you become addicted to them just like an addict. Of course you are going to feel like you are missing her because your brain is going through withdrawals.

Reminding her how much you love her is great, but remember that if she is confused and feels she needs time, the best thing you can do is give her time. You don't need to reiterate how she is the only one for you and you want to marry her because that is the last thing she wants to hear. Instead let time heal things for her. Either she spends her time alone and realizes that she misses you and wants to be with you, or she spends her time doing other things with other people and realizes that you aren't the one.

Don't get so bent on her being the one, you don't know that, and she may not be... Also, planning your future in detail sometimes can scare a woman off, (or a man) for that matter. You are going to be in a dangerous job. You are leaving soon, and your life is pretty much already set. These are things that she may not be 100% ready to commit too.. maybe she doesn't want to live off base, maybe she doesn't want to be fearful that you will get deployed. etc...

I dated my X for 8 LONG years... and its tough when you split. But after a while you realize that it was for the better and you are thankful for the time you did spend, and look forward for the time you may spend with any future relationships.

I would give her some space, don't message her, don't contact her, and if she contacts you and says hi, then say hi.. if she wants to go eat, then go eat.. but if she is backing away because she needs time to think, then don't pressure her and constantly feel like you need to have control or a firm grasp on the future, let it play out the way its intended to play out. If you are meant to betogether, then it will happen. If you are meant to be separated, then nothing you do will prevent it, only prolong it.

you can try to stay together and try and make it work, but it takes two people putting in 100% of their effort and love for that to happen..

Good luck, stay strong. Work out, read, go running, focus on your life, and let her figure out hers.

If a woman need space then give it to her. If you don't she will resent you and probably leave you. She may want to breakup or really just need time to think. Just respect that and give her time. If it is meant to be she will get ahold of you. Just don't wait around forever:)

Thank a lot. I appreciate your advice it really helps. I haven't had an appetite, for some reason I just can't eat I try and I feel sick I don't know why. My girlfriend or ex said that she does love me she was with me for 1 year. So I'm just confused because I don't know she is just saying that so I feel OK or really means it. I had bought her a coat for the winter and today I got it from ups I was going to surprise, last week we were seeing each other then bam the wknd came and was acting different wouldn't answer calls or texts. I know she was upset because I can be pushy sometimes.. so what should I do now with the coat its here?

Send it back, and get your money back.

Should I just keep it here.. Before she needed space well in the mix we had bought a TV and I paid it off, she was saying before then she needed space. Did I go wrong there or what? She would always surprise me for occasions with a lot of gifts. So I just bought her a TV. She always has a bad memory or just remembers what she wants. I am just worried that even though I am respecting her decision I am concerned it might blow her away and forget me.

Thanks! She did say you wants to miss me. To give her space. We actually spoke about having kids and getting married it was not only me it was her as well, she would tell me all the time I'm ready I want to have kids and get married.. I do to, but the woman needs space fine OK, I'm doing a little better you know, got to be strong. That way maybe she can see that I stayed strong as a man and want to come back.. What do you think? Is it a nice way of saying I don't want to be with you or is it really what she wants.

You seem to be in shock right now, so I'll put it bluntly. She is your ex, and there is little chance of you getting back together. By telling you she needs time, she is basically telling you, she is looking for something else, but you are another option for me.

I was in the same position a couple of month ago, YOU need space to gain perspective. Don't let her use you and don't make the same mistake we did.

I understand this all. So would she come back to me. I mean she knows how much I feel about her and how I can change to make our relationship better. I asked for a chance. Basically she knows I want to marry her, and I feel that if I go out and get her an engagement ring ask her to marry me it will make me feel good. We actually went and I showed her the ring I wanted to get her.I want her to see that no matter I love her and want to spend my life with her. In time maybe she will realize she made a mistake and realize, how much I love her and willing to change for us, maybe it will make her see. Next week is our 1yr anniverisy, I am planning on giving her the ring and asking her to marry me, before I leave to boot camp, she will have 2 months of space. This is just in my heart something I have to do. I have faith that she will realize that I as a man really want to work this out and marry her be with her for a life time she knows that as well.


How can I get her back into my life? This is what I want. I love her with all my heart and that will never change.

For your own sake stay strong and accept reality.there is no magic wand that will bring back the past.give her space and look after YOU.

Sorry guy, but all your great plans, and feelings, mean nothing after a break up, and insisting on carrying on with them is a waste of time, and a show of disrespect right now, since she needs time, and space.

Leave her alone, and do your service time, and see how you feel afterward, when that's done.

Trying to force her to do what you want, by buying her a ring, means you haven't heard a word she has said to you, and still have your own selfish needs to meet.

Let the emotional dust settle, by leaving her alone. That's all she has asked of you, and you can't even do that. The plans of the past, and the feelings have changed, and you should adjust your thinking, and actions.

I understand this all. So would she come back to me. I mean she knows how much i feel about her and how i can change to make our realtionship better. I asked for a chance. Basically she knows i want to marry her, and i feel that if i go out and get her an engagement ring ask her to marry me it will make me feel good. We actually went and i showed her the ring i wanted to get her.I want her to see that no matter i love her and want to spend my life with her. In time maybe she will realize she made a mistake and realize, how much i love her and willing to change for us, maybe it will make her see. Next week is our 1yr anniverisy, i am planning on giving her the ring and asking her to marry me, before i leave to boot camp, she will have 2 months of space. This is just in my heart something i have to do. I have faith that she will realize that i as a man really want to work this out and marry her be with her for a life time she knows that as well.


How can i get her back into my life? This is what i want. I love her with all my heart and that will never change.

Wow, you are really not listening to what we are saying. You have one clear idea in your mind, and you don't seem to accept other alternative. We have a much clearer view of the situation, we don't have emotions coming into play. You can't say that she is the one. Obviously she doesn't want to hurt you this is why she is telling you she needs time and space and that she is confused. It looks exactly like my ex.

But they are not confused. They know exactly what they are doing and want to keep you on the side. You are going to waste your money on that ring and precious time that you could use for healing. Start No Contact right now and go to your boot camp, it will give you much better perspective.

Yes keep the coat there. If she wants space and you don't give it to her you are going to lose her. I have seen it so many times. I know it is hard but please be strong and don't contact her wait for her to make the move.

Gogeter I understand you pain and I know this is hard. Unfortunately I know you won't listen to our advice either. I just hope you don't make the same silly mistakes I made, but that's how most of us learn... good luck man, and take care of yourself! We have all been there and remain here for your help, so vent, cry, do whatever it is you need to do.

Wow, you are really not listening to what we are saying. You have one clear idea in your mind, and you don't seem to accept other alternative. We have a much clearer view of the situation, we don't have emotions coming into play. You can't say that she is the one. Obviously she doesn't want to hurt you this is why she is telling you she needs time and space and that she is confused. It looks exactly like my ex.

But they are not confused. They know exactly what they are doing and want to keep you on the side. You are going to waste your money on that ring and precious time that you could use for healing. Start No Contact right now and go to your boot camp, it will give you much better perspective.

She may really be confused, but the point is she wants her space so respect that.

I understand, I guess I'm just afraid of losing her and never getting her back in my life. Its hard and I will be strong and have nc, just have to wait and see if she will ever contact me, as I move on with my life. I really do love this girl you know, besides all the emotion I do. And I'm doing all right, hopefully she will realize from the time she has alone that I can change for her and want to. But if she doesn't then its to bad. I told her I was not contacting her again I will respect what she wants as a man. But that I loved her no matter what, and miss her etc. She is starting a new job this week working with children and she told me just doesn't want to stress, because dealing with kids is stressful. And I guess she would get mad because sometimes I would fool around or just if I tried to talk to her and she didn't want to that would make her mad. But hey she know's I'm sorry and she just wanted me to give her what she wanted and I slacked a little bit, but she knows that I'm a good person and knows I would do anything for her. She just needs her time and space to see what she want's in her life, which I have to do with mine. I just hope she never forgets me before its to late.

Just keep in mind that no contact is a healing process. Allow yourself to heal from this experience, otherwise you will continue to suffer the pain.


You're still early in the no contact process, so you will definitely still have some hope of reconciliation. My advice is that you do not worry about that part. Allow yourself to heal first so that you will feel more objective when you approach this situation again sometime in the future (again, after you've healed). Who knows? Maybe you'll feel like a different person and will want different things. The point is, we have no idea what you will be like or what you will want by then, so just focus on healing first before worrying about the future.

be strong and have nc, just have to wait and see if she will ever contact me,
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This is the part you need to work on the NC is fine but your not going to WAIT and see if she contacts you ,your going to forget about her,do the hobbies etc etc that we have given you and begin the healing process. Right?

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Yea!!

I have to be strong. And forget about everything. Its hard. This blows. Out of the blue just kicked to the curve. Didn't even see it coming.