I have been with my fiance/ex fiancé for 10 months and just last week she told me she wants to "go on break." I am 35 and she is 22. She lives an hour & a half from me. Since we met we have spent almost every weekend together due to our work schedules. I drive to see her on Friday afternoon & come home Sunday night. I also drive to see her one day during the week. She lives with her parents and is close with them so I always go there. Anyway she is adopted and a few months ago found online her biological mom,dad and sis. So we planned to fly and see them last week. For a few weeks before our trip we've been bickering about minor stuff. She said it was her being stressed out and I added to that stress. She said there was something missing and it has nothing to do with me... shes says I've been "perfect". One night I overheard her tell someone that she "loves me....but "isn't sure if he's the right one- how do you ever know" and that I'm "always up her ." I confronted her about it and she said she doesnt know why she said it. I give her plenty of space. When were not together she either goes to a friends house or meets a friend at a bar and drinks. Just recently she said she would like more girls nights out on the weekends since shes only had a few in 10 months. I have no problem with that but she said she was scared to ask me. She says everytime she goes out we get into an argument. Sometimes this is true but all I ever asked of her was to "every once in a while text me"...she feels she shouldn't feel obligated to do so. So the night before we left to see her family that shes never met I confronted her as to why shes been so cold and distant...she had no response and no reaction so I left her house to see how she would react. A 1/2 hour later she texted me saying how I'm the nicest guy shes ever met and I deserve better than her. I came back to her house and she said she wanted to take a break and that she wont wear the ring on our trip to see her family and she wont introduce me as her fiance but she wanted me to come with her and meet her biological family. Half the time on our trip she was cold and distant and half the time she was ok. I told her I didnt want to lose her and she told me "don't worry.. you won't" I also asked her when shes going to wear the ring again and she said "eventually". The 3 days Since we got back from our trip she's texted me but only once in a while and she called once. I don't call her and only respond to her texts but never text 1st. I don't want to lose her... she has everything I've wanted. I know she's serious about me because several times we looked at houses together and she has wanted to have a baby. She's very trustworthy and always texts me and tells me what she's doing even though I never asked her to.What should I do? Please help

Back off, give her some time and space. Did you ever hear the saying if you love something let it go,.

That's what I've been doing... I don't call her at all and I don't text her unless she texts me 1st

You are doing the right thing... If she comes back to you it was meant to be. Give her more time

Thanks... thats what I was thinking

Hi.she sounds confused and she's going through confusing times meeting her biological parents etc. She s also quite young.I d step back from the situation and ask myself what do I really want and need from a relationship myself?hope this helps.

Thanks- you did help... I haven't called her once and don't text her unless she texts me 1st. I mean if she really wanted to break up then why would she want me to go visit her new family? The day after we got back she thanked me for coming and said she was glad I came with her.

She doesn't know what she wants nor where she s going at the moment.but you r hurting and I think you should look after yourself first.

She does sound like she's extremely confused. Finding her biological parents is a huge step for her. You're just going to have to be patient to let her sort things out.

Just be there for her to support her. She will let you know when she wants to start things up again. Until then, don't give her anymore pressure. She will find you when she's ready.

Focus on doing your own thing for now. I sorry to pull this out, but she's only 22, she still has to find herself, so be patient with her.

Thanks... thats what I'm trying to do... its so hard because I miss her so much. We literally use to talk or text all the time except when she was out with one of her friends.

I think that's one of the hardest bits you miss the things that were good.try to stay busy.see and talk to your friends .cry if you feel like it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregnancy-new-motherhood/wait-have-baby-til-after-married-383837.html

You have issues that you both need to work out before you have babies. Support her through these times as she needs to resolve old issues, and for chrissake, stop acting like a spoiled kid when she goes out. She is an adult albeit young and confused at this time.

Where is communications and commitment? Love and support? Understanding, and honest expression?

Should I offer her support/help since I was with her when she met her biological family or should I just back off completely? I haven't contacted her at all unless I'm returning her text message

I'm very upset today because its been 5 days since we got back from our trip and its 7pm and I haven't heard from her at all... not even 1 text message. Should I send her a text asking how her day was or just completely NC ?

Stay with NC, she wanted space so be the better person and give it to her

Leave her alone, and take this time for yourself, as worrying about her gets you nothing, but anxious and upset. This is what she asks for, this is what you give her. Its not easy being in limbo, but that's your choice also.

Respect her wishes.you re doing NC for you not for anyone else.its not a magic wand that's going to bring your relationship back. Its to help you heal.

Threads merged
This is an update of my last post from a week ago... It's now been 1 week since we got back from our trip to meet her bio.parents and the first 4 days after the trip she was texting me a decent amount and telling me what she was doing each night. The last 4 days I only heard from her once but didn't text her back until a day later. My aunt says that her meeting her biological mom and dad and finding out they were atticted to drugs/alcohol must have been traumatic being that if she wasn't adopted she would have had a horrible life. My aunt said along with her adopted parents and her 2 or 3 best friends I'm the closest person in her life so she has taken her anger/stress/frustrations out on someone and I was the logical choice being that her adopted parents are great and her best friends are her rocks. When we were on our trip I asked her how long before we end the break and she said "you'll know when I'm ready because I'll let you know". I also noticed on her myspace she never deleted me or the 100 or so pics of us with all the love captions. The only thing she deleted was the pics of her ring. I mean she said I never did anything wrong--I think she's just in a funk from finding out her bio parents are messed up and her sis (that she adores ) that's her age is 10 hours away which she said is very upsetting. My question is should I contact her at all(cuz I want her to know that I'm here for her and thinking of her)? How long should I wait before I drive to her house to get my ring back?(I'm afraid if I go to soon she'll think I'm not willing to wait and not taking the break seriously) Should I email her and lay it all on the line so that if she wants to 100% end it she could or give her the chance to start fresh with me?

Threads merged


My ex-fiance dumped me almost a month ago and last week I went to pick up some belongings as well as the ring. I noticed in her room she still had 4 pictures of us up (all with my arm around her) and on her myspace she still has 100 or so pics of us up (including pictures of us kissing etc.) I asked her if she sees a chance of us getting back together and she said "maybe- you never know what the future holds". She also said I could call her once in a while. Its been a week since I got my ring back and I only contacted her once to ask her about a guy that I thought she might be seeing. All morning we argued over if she cheated on me or not through texts and calls. I decided to do no contact after that to see if she would contact me in some way. After 5 days she texted me with just a "hey how are ya?". I answered her... but my question is should I try to remain friends with her and periodically call or text her or just disappear? I desperately want her back and I know she is just really young and confused right now.

Now is when you need to think about you.go NC-NO CONTACT and don't react to the drama.read the stickies-its all in there.

now is when you need to think about you.go NC-NO CONTACT and dont react to the drama.read the stickies-its all in there.

That's what I was doing- nocontact- I wasn't going to contact her but then she contacted me. She told me I could call once in a while but I haven't called in the 3-4 weeks we've been broken up

You aren't the first guy who was so worried about a freakin' relationship, that you totally blow off what she has been going through. Your not paying attention to someone your supposed to care about, so you miss the whole boat, and act needy, and insecure instead.

My reason for you to just back off, and leave her alone, was because I don't think your ready at all to what she needs, (I was right) and get beyond yourself, and your own needs.

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.

At least reaching out will tell you if she can tolerate your one track thinking, or if you need to get real with NC, and move on.

I can't help but feel your actions are pushing her away, and proving to her, you ain't the one.

Your not even a good text buddy, let alone real friend.

You aren't the first guy who was so worried about a freakin' relationship, that you totally blow off what she has been going thru. Your not paying attention to someone your supposed to care about, so you miss the whole boat, and act needy, and insecure instead.

My reason for you to just back off, and leave her alone, was because I don't think your ready at all to what she needs, (I was right) and get beyond yourself, and your own needs.

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.

At least reaching out will tell you if she can tolerate your one track thinking, or if you need to get real with NC, and move on.

I can't help but feel your actions are pushing her away, and proving to her, you ain't the one.

Your not even a good text buddy, let alone real friend.
I don't know how my actions are pushing her away when I haven't called her once in the 1 month that we've been either on break or broken up. We did get into an argument the other day because I think she may be seeing someone and I wanted her to admit to me that she was cheating but she kept denying it. I had no concrete proof so I just told agreed with her and told her I guess she didn't. Should I text her back when she texts me? She told me I can call once in a while-should I?

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.
Don't you know how to let a female vent? Its listening without trying to fix things.

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.
Don't you know how to let a female vent?? Its listening without trying to fix things.

That's what I was going to do... she texted me today out of the blue and so I texted her back and a little later texted her with "do you have a few minutes to talk" and she never responded. So I'm assuming she's just throwing me bones but doesn't really want to talk because she maybe doesn't want me to get my hopes up

Then its time to let it go my friend. Ignore the texts, and everything else, and get your head wrapped around a life without her.

Then its time to let it go my friend. Ignore the texts, and everything else, and get your head wrapped around a life without her.

That's what I think I may have to do- even though- I must admit- its going to be so hard to ignore them... I don't know why she's even peiodically sending me these texts... I already lost her but I want her back so bad- if I ignore her than we can't even be friends and I will have no chance of ever getting back with her because she'll be pissed

So what? It can't be any worse than what your going through now.

So what?? It can't be any worse than what your going thru now.

Should I send an email for closure or should I just let her go and don't even try to be friends with her because I love spending time with her and I don't want to lose her altogether

You don't have to tell her anything.Just stop all communication.Thats what NC is about.I broke up with my partner about two months ago-mainly because he was too immature to handle an adult relationship. I then rang him a day or so later -he shouted at me and put the phone down on me.Idecided there and then no more drama and I know I do NOT want to speak to him ever again.
So you ve got to start healing and that takes time. Any contact with your ex prolongs your agony.believe this.

You don't have to tell her anything.Just stop all communication.Thats what NC is about............So you ve got to start healing and that takes time. any contact with your ex prolongs your agony.believe this.

Disappear from her life, get your closure by accepting you need to move beyond her in life.

Right now and you are not going to get any answers from her. In fact you might not ever get answers (closure) so its best to just leave it alone. Remember she wanted the space, so your best move, for yourself and for her is to do exactly that. Don't worry about the texts or the calls or what she is thinking etc... Just give her the time she asked for. In the mean time start doing things that make you happy. In time it will not matter if she wants to be with you or not. What a great feeling.

Right now and you are not going to get any answers from her. In fact you might not ever get answers (clouser) so its best to just leave it alone. Remember she wanted the space, so your best move, for your self and for her is to do exactly that. Dont worry about the texts or the calls or what she is thinking etc... Just give her the time she asked for. In the mean time start doing things that make you happy. In time it will not matter if she wants to be with you or not. What a great feeling.

Thanks overayear, the other day we got into a text message war and even fought on the phone... I was telling her I think she cheated on me at the end and I wanted her to admit it and she kept denying she ever cheat on me and since I didn't have proof I let it go.so just ignore any of her texts? Don't send an email?

Do nothing.no texts- no email-no phonecalls.

I would not write her an email, and only RESPOND to text you want to respond to. If you don't know how to answer the text then don't. If you can handle it of course, If you are getting mixed singlas from her or texting her is giving you false hope or getting you confused then I would stop everything all together.

Move on bro! Your 35, she's 22, and obviously giving you the run-around! Change your life up, do something different to help you meet some new people, some possibly your age and more mature!

Lifes a garden, DIG IT!

I would not write her an email, and only RESPOND to text you want to respond to. If you dont know how to answer the text then dont. If you can handle it of course, If you are getting mixed singlas from her or texting her is giving you false hope or getting you confused then i would stop everything all together.

Today was real bad for me- another setback. Ever since I 1st woke up. I'm so used to waking up and seeing a bunch of texts from her and my day would start great. Now I wake up and nothing- and nothing all day and its so depressing. I use to get 100 texts a day and now nothing. The holiday weekend has passed and I heard from her on Sunday. I responded out of weakness. We sent texts back and forth. Nothing about our relationship. I took your advice because I'm able to handle hearing from her but it just makes me crave texting her all the time like we used to do. Then today I had a setback because she just got back from a weekend at the beach and she put 1 picture up- it was of her and another guy from a bar where she was at. It hurt bad seeing the pic because this was the 1st time I ever saw a pic of her with another guy since we met. Who knows if he's just some guy she met there but it hurt. I know I shouldn't look at her myspace but as long as she hasn't deleted me I'm just way too curious. She still has 100 pics of us up but I know that doesn't mean anything.

Today was real bad for me- another setback. Ever since I 1st woke up. I'm so used to waking up and seeing a bunch of texts from her and my day would start off great. Now I wake up and nothing- and nothing all day and its so depressing. I use to get 100 texts a day and now nothing. The holiday weekend has passed and I heard from her on Sunday. I responded out of weakness. We sent texts back and forth. Nothing about our relationship. I took your advice because I'm able to handle hearing from her but it just makes me crave texting her all the time like we used to do. Then today I had a setback because she just got back from a weekend at the beach and she put 1 picture up- it was of her and another guy from a bar where she was at. It hurt bad seeing the pic because this was the 1st time I ever saw a pic of her with another guy since we met. Who knows if hes just some guy she met there but it hurt. I know I shouldnt look at her myspace but as long as she hasnt deleted me I'm just way too curious. She still has 100 pics of us up but I know that doesnt mean anything.

Delete, block, ignore, move on. Things are going to be hard getting used to, but the sooner you realize that nothing will change the mind of this person, the easier it'll be.

Threads merged

Its been 4 weeks since my fiancé dumped me and about 2 weeks ago I found out she was seeing someone else at the end of the relationship. It could have been the last few weeks or maybe even months- I don't know for sure. There's a lot of signs that point to her possibly cheating with other guys too but I have no concrete proof- more just speculation. She denies ever cheating on me even at the very end but if I had to guess I would say 99% she did with at least 1 guy but possibly 2 or 3. I have no proof but lots of clues when I think back. My question is should I call her out on it just so she knows I know what was going on? I am so angry at her I want to ruin her day and get her back in some way to let her know that she didn't get away with this. I know it doesn't matter anymore because the relationship is over but I want her to know that she may have played me but I found everything out. When I found out about the guy at the end and told her I knew she completely flipped out and was very angry and distraught. Would it be better to just leave this whole thing alone and never mention it to her?

Please keep all the questions on the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow the story.

Leave it alone. You need to recover from this breakup. Stop getting updates about her, as it will just confuse and upset you more. Focus on yourself and recovering from this experience. She's in the past, so leave her in the past. Focus on moving forward.

Leave it be, Karma. That's all I have to say, if you get at her, something's going to gt at you, whether you feel good about it initially or not.

You may not want to know the answers. Just leave it alone.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/leave-recently-ex-fiance-alone-392545.html

Please keep all the questions on the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow the story.

Leave it alone. You need to recover from this breakup. Stop getting updates about her, as it will just confuse and upset you more. Focus on yourself and recovering from this experience. She's in the past, so leave her in the past. Focus on moving forward.

Its so hard to leave it alone when I look back now she may have been playing me the whole time and laughed about it to all her friends. I have to fight my urges and not mention it. My heart starts racing when I think about the guys she may have cheated on me with but I have no definitive proof so I don't want to look like a fool if I mention their names to her.

The problem is, you continue to get updates about her somehow. You have to move on with your life and cut her out. Pretend as though she doesn't even exist. Otherwise, you're just prolonging the pain and suffering.

The problem is, you continue to get updates about her somehow. You have to move on with your life and cut her out. Pretend as though she doesn't even exist. Otherwise, you're just prolonging the pain and suffering.

No I haven't gotten updates- I just kept thinking about everything that happened in the past and I started thinking there's a good chance she cheated with a co-worker and our realtor and possibly someone else. When I confronted her about it weeks ago she denies it and says "I dont know anything". Probably because she knows she got away with it

Don't worry about it anymore, it's no longer happening to you.

Don't worry about it anymore, it's no longer happening to you.

Had to spread rep. Agreed, it's not your problem anymore. It's time to move on with your life. Don't look back anymore, as it will just give you more misery. Learn from the experience and move forward with your life.

Had to spread rep. Agreed, it's not your problem anymore. It's time to move on with your life. Don't look back anymore, as it will just give you more misery. Learn from the experience and move forward with your life.

Thanks "i wish" and "ohsohappy"... you 2 are right- it just burns me up knowing I may have gotten played with all the money/time that I invested in the relationship

Unfortunately, that's life. Move foreword. You've got two good legs right? Get up and use them.

I have to agree with everyone. She is no longer a part of your life so it doesn't really matter what she did or didn't do or what she is doing now. Its all Irrelevant because you guys are no longer together and from what it seems like won't be together. She will get what's coming to her in her own time. I believe in Karma.

I have to agree with everyone. She is no longer a part of your life so it dosent really matter what she did or didnt do or what she is doing now. Its all Irrelevant because you guys are no longer together and from what it seems like wont be together. She will get whats coming to her in her own time. I believe in Karma.
Right when she was breaking up with me I told her that "I hope you meet a guy that treats you like sh** and cheats on you all the time because thats what you deserve" and she was just like "oh thats a nice thing to say" but I'm glad I said it to her now because she does deserve to get what's coming to her. She once told me she has "serious personal and self esteem issues and she feels lucky to have me because she s just an average girl"... so I think she cheats and flirts because she deep down feels bad about herself. I treated her perfectly and she even said "i deserve someone better than her" when she was breaking up with me

When I found out about the guy at the end and told her I knew she completely flipped out and was very angry and distraught.
That's all the notice you need, and any more confrontation with her will only end in denial. She already knows she is a lying cheater, and she also knows you know it also. End of story... FINALLY

Would it be better to just leave this whole thing alone and never mention it to her?
Never talk to her again.

Thats all the notice you need, and any more confrontation with her will only end in denial. She already knows she is a lying cheater, and she also knows you know it also. End of story .........FINALLY

Never talk to her again.

Thanks Tal... I'm not going to text her back anymore. She sends these pity/guilt texts probably to try to save face but for how bad she did me dirty I'm done

Be done with her completely. Don't look at it as "man, I may have gotten played even when I invested all of this time/money into this relationship"... instead see it as "thank God that I did not end up marrying this weasel." It gets better, just don't contact her anymore, because quite frankly it does not sound like she deserves it.

I posted on here previously regarding my (ex) fiancé. She dumped me almost 8 weeks ago and I have found that although I have some days that I'm OK I still have a lot of bad days thinking about her. Especially on weekends since that's when we were always together. Once a week she'll text me to see how I'm doing ( I guess out of guilt/pity) I can't help but respond to her even though I know I'm not supposed to, I figure its better to have her in my life to some degree rather than not at all. I just don't know how I would deal with it if I never heard from her again. I never contact her first because I don't want her to think I'm still trying to get her back.

I thought by now I would get better but I find myself constantly comparing anyone I meet to her and don't feel that they are good enough. I'm definitely still really hung up on her. I went on 4 dates and wanted to leave the second I got there. I felt really weird being somewhere with someone other than my ex. I guess I feel like I could have done some things a little bit differently and feel like its my fault that she's gone. I always treated her great but I felt like she didn't respect me enough.

Last week we talked on the phone for the 1st time since she dumped me. It was so good to hear from her but things were just so different then when we were together. Today was bad because I found out that the guy she started "seeing" at the end of our relationship was her senior year in high school boyfriend. So I guess she dumped me for an ex from 4 years ago?

I asked her a few different times to meet up with me as friends and she always says "we will" but I don't know if it will ever happen. I guess a part of me thinks that maybe someday down the road we can get back together. I know its just wishful thinking. I guess I regret not trying to have a baby with her because if we did have a baby she wouldn't have left I'm sure.

I don't want to blow her off when she texts me but I don't want her to think I'm still trying to get her back and contact her first. What should I do? How should I handle this?

She's moving on you shoul too. A baby would have been even worse. I keep thinking what if I proposed but then I think about it. Why try to keep someone who doesn't reciprocate

You seem to be rushing into datig again when you are clearly not over her. Of course it what feel right

I'm trying to avoid thinking about being with someone. Just focusing on my career. Maybe try to set some non relationship goals. Be comfortable with you

My advice I think is for me as much as you. Hope it makes sense

Oh I know how you feel.. I still get all confused when my ex texts me. Its been a year since we broke up but my feelings are still the same! I don't reply when he tries to get in contact anymore though.. I think you should do the same. After a while you start to feel so proud at how strong you are at not replying even though you want to so badly!

She's the one who broke up with you... she made that decision now she can live with it. And believe me if you ever want to get back together with her staying in her life won't help because this way she will never realise that she made a mistake. Right now she is keeping in touch because she probably feels guilty and misses you but in time this will pass if you stay in touch. You got to cut her off completely.. only then she might realise something

Once a week she'll text me to see how I'm doing ( I guess out of guilt/pity) I can't help but respond to her even though I know I'm not supposed to, I figure its better to have her in my life to some degree rather than not at all.

I went on 4 dates and wanted to leave the second I got there. I felt really weird being somewhere with someone other than my ex.

Last week we talked on the phone for the 1st time since she dumped me. So I guess she dumped me for an ex from 4 years ago?!

I guess a part of me thinks that maybe someday down the road we can get back together. I know its just wishful thinking. I guess I regret not trying to have a baby with her because if we did have a baby she wouldnt have left i'm sure.

Even though you know what you need to do, you cave in and keep making the wrong decisions.

Why do you feel this way? Because you keep talking to her.

Better to have her in your life in some degree than not? She is not something you need and keeping in contact will keep you in that state of mind.

She has dumped you for another, do you think that kind of person could make you happy?

A baby would have made this mess much, MUCH worse and NC will let you see that TRAPPING your girlfriend is not a solution for happiness.


Give yourself time to be alone for a while, you are not ready to rationalize and create solutions for yourself. Believe me when I tell you, NC is the best thing you can do for yourself so you can see you are much better off without her. Trust me, once you go NC and stick to it, things will start falling into the right places.

Why is she still texting me to see how I'm doing once a week? Is it out of guilt or does she miss me in any way? I want her to feek guilt and when she asks how I'm doing I tell her not too good and then I noticed she doesn't want to hear that because it makes her feel worse. She told me she's no longer seeing her ex from high school but she just wants to be single and see more than 1 guy. If she's gone back to ex's before I feel there's always a chance sometime later for us.

oh i know how you feel..i still get all confused when my ex txts me. its been a year since we broke up but my feelings are still the same! I dont reply when he tries to get in contact anymore tho..I think you should do the same. after a while you start to feel soo proud at how strong you are at not replying even though you want to soo badly!

She's the one who broke up with you...she made that decision now she can live with it. and believe me if you ever want to get back together with her staying in her life wont help because this way she will never realise that she made a mistake. Right now she is keeping in touch because she probably feels guilty and misses you but in time this will pass if you stay in touch. You gotta cut her off completely..only then she might realise somthing

Thanks Jane... so you're saying that the only way she may miss me is if I don't respond to her at all? A few weeks after I got dumped I picked up the engagement ring and the rest of my stuff and I asked her if she missed me and she said maybe a little so I guess she doesn't care nearly as much as how I care for her. She did say how I was the nicest guy she ever met and I deserved someone better than her so maybe if enough guys treat her bad she may realize she had a good thing with me.

Why do you love her anyway?

Pop the glock

By keeping in contact,even if it is her doing all the calling,your not going forward.

And by the way,how do you think her current boyfriend would react if he found out she was still in contact with you?

You miss her.. you miss the way you were together,but as much as it hurts,its down to you now... how long are you going to keep torturing yourself with what if's?

Its over... and perhaps you need to remind her of that,considering she is the one who wanted her freedom... she may be calling you,but she is he his arms and telling him the things she said to you,they are making plans and being a couple... does that hurt? Damn straight it does,so what are you going to do about it?

Keep being her wing man,her just in case this one does not work out?

Or are you going to pick up your life,and move on!

You really should listen to all the other people in here and start no contact already, before you completely lose any respect you ever had for yourself, as well as any respect she ever had for you. Let me tell you what happened with my ex when we broke up.

I did the whole clingy thing for a couple of days and then came on here and started reading about other peoples problems. I noticed a pattern between every single breakup topic: The ex didn't come back. I also noticed another pattern from all the 3-month-plus length topics (the ones who actually did no-contact and then came back here): The dumpee realised the breakup wasn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it often lead to better things, and a lot of self-improvement - lifechanging in some cases.

It was no-contact from then on for me. She texted me a couple of times but I ignored them. It made me feel great about myself - I was ignoring her when she was the one who broke up with me! You say you want her to feel guilt. Believe me, she'll be feeling emotions that are far worse than a bit of guilt if you go no contact. She says she doesn't miss you much but she will do, she'll do her best to hide any emotions she has. It would be impossible not to miss someone who she's been with for that amount of time, even if she's now with someone else. Note that this doesn't mean she will come back - you don't care if she doesn't come back, remember? You're the one in control now! You're leaving her to deal with her emotions on her own.

After exactly a month of no-contact I caught my ex trying to hack into my email account, probably wondering what the hell I was up to. This certainly gave me and my friends a few laughs and gave me even more of an ego boost - to think I was the one who was dumped! Exactly a week after this I found out she had just got into a relationship with a 28-year-old arab who lives in Dubai, and he had travelled across the whole of Europe to see her (both of us are 20 by the way). I can only gloat over her ridiculous, blatant rebound situation. Her life isn't exactly going according to plan either - she still has no idea what she wants in life and is currently on the path to something she doesn't want to do.

See what I did there? I'm ranting to make myself feel better. I did this a lot in the early-stages of no-contact, it's a great temporary pain killer.

Now onto more important things: Me. Since then I have been working on myself - I've started exercising, building muscle, and eating healthily for the first time in my life. I've lost 20 pounds so far. This is going to be life-changing for me, and it would never have happened without the breakup, without a doubt. I've also improved myself mentally - I feel stronger and more confident than ever. I'm loving my new job, and have lots of things to look forward to at the moment. Life is good.

I hope this post is convincing enough. You need to trust everyone here and take their advice. Trust me when I say it gets better. You're stuck in a loop and the only way out is no contact. There is no other way - get out of this endless cycle now!

Remember: There is always something to look forward to in life, you just need to be patient.

by keeping in contact,even if it is her doing all the calling,your not going forward.

and by the way,how do you think her current boyfriend would react if he found out she was still in contact with you?

you miss her..you miss the way you were together,but as much as it hurts,its down to you now...how long are you going to keep torturing yourself with what if's?

its over...and perhaps you need to remind her of that,considering she is the one who wanted her freedom...she may be calling you,but she is he his arms and telling him the things she said to you,they are making plans and being a couple....does that hurt? damn straight it does,so what are you going to do about it?

keep being her wing man,her just in case this one does not work out?

or are you going to pick up your life,and move on!

Well I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not- she told me she's "seeing different people because shes too young for anything serious so she just wants to be single". One time after she dumped me I asked her if she could see us getting back together down the road and she said " Honestly I dont think so..I'm going to be single for a while."

I don't want to be her wing man or anything... its just that I was real close with her parents and knew all her parents friends and her friends and I like catching up on how everyone/everything is going by her. I guess I really shouldn't care anymore since likely I'll never see any of them again. I mean 1/2 the week I lived in her parents house with her so its so hard to let go completely. She also has had a lot of surgeries from a near death car accident and I like hearing that she's OK after surgeries that she has.

OK so she just texted me tonight for the 1st time in almost 2 weeks... it was so hard but I never responded. I know everyone here said not to but I feel like if I don't then we can never even just be friends and catch up on everything that's going on in our lives. Then down the road when I'm over her if I text her she probably won't respond.

I took everyone's advice and for almost 4 weeks now have gone NC. She will periodically text me with something very simple like hey or hey how are you? But I never respond. I don't ever look at any of her social networking sights because when I did they caused too much pain hearing how happy she was when I've been so miserable.

I tried going on dates and all I think about is her and wished I was with her instead of my date. I cut the dates short and give them a hug goodbye and never talk to them again. I compare everyone to her and don't think anyone compares to her beauty/style/personality.

Last night when I went out with my friend there wasn't one girl in the entire lounge I wanted to even talk to. It seems like if there is a decent looking one they're real y.

Weekends I always get more depressed since this is when I was always with her. Its been 2 1/2 months and I am still always thinking of her. I try to sleep but always wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep thinking of different things that happened throughout the relationship and wondering if certain times she may have been cheating.

No contact and going out isn't helping me it seems. I always have setbacks when she texts me because even though I don't respond it makes me think of her more. I don't know what to do.

Just keep doing what you are doing. It will take time for the pain to go away, but it will and eventually you will find yourself thinking of her less and less. There is no time set that will end it all- you just have to keep going forward and doing whatever you can to be happy and let her go. You have bigger and better things ahead of you and just work on becoming a better person from this experience.

Try not to dwell on the happy times or the sad times with her, as that will just keep cycling through your mind and keeping her strong in your thoughts. When you start thinking of her try to divert your thinking to something else, like remembering an old joke or a memory with someone else... eventually you should find it easier to go on with your life and find a new love.


Best Wishes

How did you know she cheated or what makes you think that? Also, change your phone number. That should help.

If she still texts you on occasion and it sets you back consider changing your phonenumber. It s does help.

Don't quit because its harder than you thought, and so what you had a few setbacks, keep it moving forward, one day at a time. Its only been a month. Go for two.

Don't quit because its harder than you thought, and so what you had a few setbacks, keep it moving forward, one day at a time. Its only been a month. go for two.

But why is she still texting me when I just ignore her? She never gave any signs that she wants me back. I don't know if she's seeing anyone since I no longer talk to her and don't read her social networking sights anymore.

How did you know she cheated or what makes you think that? Also, change your phone number. That should help.
What makes me think she may have cheated... well 1) She told me when we 1st started dating that she cheated on every boyfriend she ever had...

2) 1 1/2 months before she dumped me she was passed out in her room from being drunk and so I looked at her cell phone and I saw like 70-80 texts back and forth to this guy. I only read like 7 or 8 of them because it hurt so bad knowing she was texting some other guy. This was right after we got back from an incredible cruise that I treated her to.

Anyway he was texting her saying things like "oh I could satisfy you better than your opie fiance" and basically making it like he could please her and stuff- nothing graphic but none the less disrespecting me... she would reply every time with "hahaha" and then I saw this one message where he sort of mentioned him and her being together and she replied "as long as you know we are just "friends"". I could have read all of them to really try to figure out if she was cheating but I couldnt read anymore- it just hurt so bad.

I woke her up and pulled the engagement ring off her finger and accused her of cheating and told her it was over. She kinda just layed in bed with a blank stare and never really denied it- just said "yea OK I was cheating" sarcastically. So I left the house and acted as if I was driving the 1 1/2 hours back to my house. She kept calling over and over crying and screaming- leaving me voicemails over and over again saying how she'll walk 50 miles just to talk to me/please come back to her house/and begging me to call her/saying how she hopes i have a great life and to find what im looking for and saying how she'll miss me and how she can't live without me.

I really only drove down the street and we made up that night. She told me he was from a state far away- I noticed he had a different area code but never checked to see if he really lived where she said he did. I called him and made her call him and left messages never to contact her again. She said she was texting him because "she liked the attention". So I don't know if she was cheating on me with him- 3 weeks before this incident she was being real mean and asked to go on break but later recinded- so who knows if he had something to do with her asking for the break.

. The day after all that drama she told me she'd do anything to earn my trust back and I told her to delete every guy from her cell phone and every guy from her social networking sights. She did this in front of me. Also-for the rest of that month she would go out a lot less when I wasn't with her.

There was other incidents also-- a few weeks after she dumped me I saw on her twitter that she was hanging out with some guy. He turned out to be her ex- boyfriend from hs. So I figured out later what days she was with him. A few weeks later is when she dumped me.

You are showing some strenths she hasn't seen before. She could be making some assumption that you have been keeping tabs on her through social nets. Or she just wants to keep you on a string. Any or all of these could be the case. Keep up the good work.

You are showing some strenths she hasnt seen before. She could be making some assumption that you have been keeping tabs on her through social nets. Or she just wants to keep you on a string. Any or all of these could be the case. Keep up the good work.

Now she knows I don't check her social nets. Because it shows my last login date was a month ago... whats the point of keeping me on a string? Is it she still feels guilt from dumping me when I did nothing wrong or does she miss me in some small way? When I picked up the ring a while back and asked if she misses me she said "not really..a little"

She had her chance, and she blew it. Doesn't matter what she feels.

Maybe she was giving you a chance to beg her back, or maybe she is afraid you'll forget her. Stay on your path, and be more patient.

She is a young, confused girl. She might have noticed, by now, that you gave her love and support that she hasn't found with these other guys. It's the price she had to pay for cheating.

She had her chance, and she blew it. Doesn't matter what she feels.

Maybe she was giving you a chance to beg her back, or maybe she is afraid you'll forget her. Stay on your path, and be more patient.

Thanks Tal... I know it doesn't matter anymore but based on the story I just wrote about how she could have been cheating on me with that guy she was texting- do you think from her actions after I saw the texts that she was cheating?

She is a young, confused girl. She might have noticed, by now, that you gave her love and support that she hasnt found with these other guys. Its the price she had to pay for cheating.

Thanks Rockie... I know she was confused on if she wanted me or not because a week before she dumped me I overheard her talking to someone (without her knowing) She said she loves me but "how do you ever know if someones right for you". That tells me that she loved me but didn't know if there was others out there that she could possibly end up loving more.

You see she was trying to keep her options open. These options didn't include staying with you. In time you will see that parting was for the best. You, in time, will find a partner that wouldn't think of cheating on you. Wouldn't that be your ideal? As you have heard from others, stop wondering about her intentions or why this has happened. Just try to do things that make you happy.

You see she was trying to keep her options open. These options didnt include staying with you. In time you will see that parting was for the best. You, in time, will find a partner that wouldnt think of cheating on you. Wouldnt that be your ideal? As you have heard from others, stop wondering about her intentions or why this has happened. Just try to do things that make you happy.

What does the expression mean "keeping you on a string?"... also what do you think of my story in post #60 from this thread?

Yeah, post 60 answered my questions... Thanx. That is a clear sign so it may be hard but she is a cheater. She can't be trusted so it can't and wouldn't work. Be glad you can find peace with a cooler girl.
My girlfriend once went out behind my back and when I went to her house she got a text and she deleted it and she cried and when I asked her who was it she said for me to leave and I deserve better... wonder what that meant?

Hate to be blunt... Like a fish, you have it on a string but if you get a better one, you might let that one go. All my answers have been given after reading post #60. I think you had been on this string of hers before the break up.

Yeah, post 60 answered my questions...Thanx. That is a clear sign so it may be hard but she is a cheater. She can't be trusted so it can't and wouldn't work. Be glad you can find peace with a cooler girl.
My gf once went out behind my back and when I went to her house she got a text and she deleted it and she cried and when I asked her who was it she said for me to leave and I deserve better...wonder what that meant?.

Well it sounds like she was cheating based on what she said to you... do you think based on my story she was cheating on me with that guy? SHe kept saying he was from a state far away and he had a area code I've never seen but why would she say she'd do anything to get me to trust her again? I wish I read all the texts- stupid of me not to- I guess it would have killed if I dug deeper and found out she was.

Yeah that messed up. She should have stopped talking to that guy after he made sexual references.. if she didn't cheat on you yet, she would have soon.

Yeah that messed up. She should have stopped talking to that guy after he made sexual references..if she didn't cheat on you yet, she would have soon.

Yeah exactly- I think he was trying to get her to meet up with him or something and her saying " as long as you realize we are just "friends""- translation-" well I'll fu** you but I'm not going to be in a relationship with you because I have a fiance"

I think that she shouldn't of been texting this guy the min he made it clear that he wasn't looking at being a friend but something more. You should have left then, because the trust is broken. Regardless, I think you should continue doing what you are doing and take her off the high Pedestal you have her on. I am reading everything you are writing and there are def better ladies out there for you.

Thanks overayear- I definitely don't have her on that pedestal anymore. I probably should have left when I saw those texts but I was still madly in love with her at the time and she said all the right things and we made up.

Just today she sent yet another text saying hey, could you tell me why you're ignoring me?". I guess me blowing her off has really bothered her. I'm assuming it's the guilt creeping in and she thinks maybe I found out she cheated?

I found out my fiancé cheated on me for most of our relationship with numerous guys. She got away with it because she lived 1 1/2 hours from me so the 3 days a week that I wouldn't see her she'd go out partying/drinking.

To make matters worse she dumped me for her ex boyfriend from high school that she has always had a thing for. She even cheated on her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years with this same guy I found out.

Its been 3 months since I've been officially dumped and I've gone on about 10 dates. The problem is I think I am sending off a bad vibe because I never hear from the girls again after the 1st date. Relationships always come up during the date and I guess they could see I'm bitter/angry over being cheated on. How do you get past being cheated on and manipulated/played from someone you loved more than anything in the world? I can't seem to move on with my life because I still have so much anger/hurt inside. I feel that I can't trust girls now.:(

If your bringing this up on your dates then definitely bad vibes.

Well they will ask me why did my last relationship end and I'd tell them why.

And they'll ask how long ago it ended and I'd tell the truth and they'd say I shouldn't be dating this soon.

I would strongly suggest not bringing up anything about your past relationship on any 1st dates , if you have to deflect it by telling a couple of white lies that's what I'd be doing.

Jumping into a relationship right after a bad one will not make a better one. And if someone tells you that it is way too soon to date after a break up of relationship, take the advise. You obviously have not gotten over your bad relationship. You need to give some time for your anger to subside, so you can enter into the relationship with clean slate or you will always think the next person you date will cheat on you. If you don't think you can do this on your own, go get some counseling done. If you can't afford one, there's always a church around the corner and they can help without the cost.

I have done the no contact thing now for 6 weeks and have ignored all texts but my question is how long will it take before I'm not so bitter?
How come my ex was dating someone (at the same time as me which I found out later) in July and here it is November and I'm still struggling?

6 weeks is nowhere near long enough to get over someone for most people. It just takes time I'm afraid , unfortunately there are no magic wands for the healing process.

For every day you spent in the relationship give yourself 3 days to get over it. That's my rule. ;)

If you're still bitter then you're not ready to date. Why not try just hanging out with friends, going for beers, playing pool, having fun?

It's when you're not looking that love comes along.

bjohnrupp, why are you stressing yourself out by comparing yourself to others? There is no real time line for a person to heal. It was easy for your ex to find someone else right away because she is a cheater who can't really love and doesn't know what a real love is. On the other hand, you have loved and have loved is better than not have known love at all. That's why it may take a little bit longer to forgive, forget, and let go.

bjohnrupp, why are you stressing yourself out by comparing yourself to others? There is no real time line for a person to heal. It was easy for your ex to find someone else right away because she is a cheater who can't really love and doesn't know what a real love is. On the other hand, you have loved and have loved is better than not have known love at all. That's why it may take a little bit longer to forgive, forget, and let go.

I don't agree.

Not all cheaters don't know how to love or know what real love is.

I was a cheater. I was not a good girl way back when. Most of the guys I dated didn't mean a thing to me, so it was no problem to cheat on them. I had a lot of issues, past abuse, and I didn't care enough about myself to give anyone a chance to love me.

Don't lump everyone into the same group.

I met a great guy. I met someone that loved me for me, that was willing to sit back and wait for me to figure it all out. We've been together for 19 years now, half our lives. We're married, have two beautiful kids and I haven't, nor will I ever cheat on him.

To say that all cheaters are the same, that's not fair. People change.

Not to say that the OP should forgive and forget, I think he's on the right path, but I just had to point out that we're all people, we all have problems, we all make mistakes, and it's not fair to lump everyone into a group that will never change.

Clunk, off my soap box. ;)

Why not try just hanging out with friends, going for beers, playing pool, having fun?

It's when you're not looking that love comes along.

I agree with Altenweg...
Hang out with your frens,, have fun,, DON'T think about your past. Get over it before you go on a date.

If your gal left for another guy, why fret over it? She is not worth it. Why cry over spilt milk.. a fren once came home all happy and laughing. I asked her why she was so happy. She said she got dumped by her guy. They were together for 7 years. I was surprised. Why was she happy.. u know what she said? M glad he dumped me. With him, my glass was half full but to him, the glass was half empty. But now my glass is overflowing. I can find my true love. Now that's being positive. Be positive. There are a lot of fishes in the ocean. You need to have the patience to wait.

But why would someone be so cold/heartless to me and cheat with different guys when I did literally EVERYTHING for this girl. Took her on vacatuions, bought her stuff just for the hell of it, never even said 1 word to another girl- not one. I always hear stories like altenweg's about finding a great guy and she'd never cheat on him but I know I'm a great guy and great catch. I'm in very good shape and am always told I'm good looking and still got severely messed with

Altenweg, as you have said "I had a lot of issues, past abuse, and I didn't care enough about myself to give anyone a chance to love me," you really didn't give love a chance. So, how would you have known what a real love was? I am not putting you down. It sounds like too many issues that caused pain kept you from receiving love and loving others, while you've just abandoned yourself. Do you think that was love?

I don't agree.

Not all cheaters don't know how to love or know what real love is.

I was a cheater. I was not a good girl way back when. Most of the guys I dated didn't mean a thing to me, so it was no problem to cheat on them. I had a lot of issues, past abuse, and I didn't care enough about myself to give anyone a chance to love me.

Don't lump everyone into the same group.

I met a great guy. I met someone that loved me for me, that was willing to sit back and wait for me to figure it all out. We've been together for 19 years now, half our lives. We're married, have two beautiful kids and I haven't, nor will I ever cheat on him.

To say that all cheaters are the same, that's not fair. People change.

Not to say that the OP should forgive and forget, I think he's on the right path, but I just had to point out that we're all people, we all have problems, we all make mistakes, and it's not fair to lump everyone into a group that will never change.

Clunk, off my soap box. ;)

Altenweg, as you have said "I had a lot of issues, past abuse, and I didn't care enough about myself to give anyone a chance to love me," you really didn't give love a chance. So, how would you have known what a real love was? I am not putting you down. It sounds like too many issues that caused pain kept you from receiving love and loving others, while you've just abandoned yourself. Do you think that was love?

Well bjohnrupp,, she didn't cheat you alone,, she cheated many others rite? Then what's the problem? This proves that shez the one whoz wrong, that she didn't deserve u. u know your a great guy, always remember that.
I'v had very bad relationships..
The 1st guy I loved from ma heart used me for sex for 2 years and dumped me
2nd guy tried the same, but since I'd lost faith in love, I didn't give myself to him. I found out he wanted to have 1 night and then dump me.
The 3rd guy was great. He didn't force me to do anything.it took me 1 year to kiss him and then we had sex. Then I heard he was having sexual affair with a couple of other gals he called frens. This time, I dumped this guy but I couldn't get over it because I was the 1 being cheated. He had proposed to marry me before sex.
4th guy actually raped me and then dumped me. I was in tears. I was wondering why I had to face tears while the guys enjoyed my body. I started feeling scared. I hated sex. I cried every night for more than a year. I lost all my frens because I refused to talk to any. I lost faith in myself.
Its after 4 painful failures that I found ma true love. Been together for 5 years, married for 3+, baby on the way.
someone, somewhere is made for you. you just have to find her.
Take it as a lesson. I did. It took me a lot of time but I did take my failure as a lesson.
u'l find someone,, it'l take time, until then, get over your ex, enjoy life.

Well bjohnrupp,,, she didn cheat u alone,,, she cheated many others rite? then whats the problem? this proves that shez the one whoz wrong, that she didn deserve u. u know ur a great guy,, always remember that.
i'v had very bad relationships..
the 1st guy i loved from ma heart jus used me for sex for 2 years n dumped me
2nd guy tried the same, but since i'd lost faith in love, i didn give myself to him. i found out he wanted to have jus 1 nite n then dump me.
the 3rd guy was great. he didn force me to do anything.it took me 1 year to kiss him n then we had sex. then i heard he was having sexual affair with a couple of other gals he called frens. this time, i dumped this guy but i couldn't get over it because i was the 1 being cheated. he had proposed to marry me b4 sex.
4th guy actually raped me and then dumped me. i was in tears. i was wondering y i had to face tears while the guys enjoyed my body. i started feeling scared. i hated sex. i cried every night for more than a year. i lost all my frens because i refused to talk to any. i lost faith in myself.
its after 4 painful failures that i found ma true love. been together for 5 years, married for 3+, baby on the way.
someone, somewhere is made for you. you just have to find her.
take it as a lesson. i did. it took me a lot of time but i did take my failure as a lesson.
u'l find someone,,, it'l take time, until then, get over ur ex, enjoy life.
Thank you silver lining for your story- I can't believe how some people are and your story shows just how many horrible people there are out there.

Silver Lining, you are so brave to have told your story. I am also happy for you that you have found true love and happiness.

Thank you...

Anybody else out there that can offer some advice on how to put being cheated on behind you?

It seems that I can't just move on and forget about it. How can someone be so cruel when I was so good to her.

I think your ex has serious problems that nobody but her can solve.
If you can tell yourself that and also that you did the best you could you ll be able to see that it wasn't done to you because you are who you are but because she can't help herself
If you can change your attitude from personal hurt -and this might need some serious work-to: whatever she did isn't my problem anymore and Im not going to let her actions affect my future life, you ll feel better.

But why would someone be so cold/heartless to me and cheat with different guys when I did literally EVERYTHING for this girl. Took her on vacatuions, bought her stuff just for the hell of it, never even said 1 word to another girl- not one. I always hear stories like altenweg's about finding a great guy and she'd never cheat on him but I know I'm a great guy and great catch. I'm in very good shape and am always told I'm good looking and still got severely messed with

You met a girl who clearly needed constant male attention to feel good about herself.
That is her issue and it has nothing to do with you.
Women who are promiscuous ,as a rule have self esteem issues and they need a barrage of men to tell them ,they are wanted,adored,etc.

Don't place the blame on yourself.She also may have a drinking problem and that is another reason many girls end up hooking up,they are just too drunk to have normal inhibitions.

You are giving her a lot of power by hanging on to your bitterness.She doesn't deserve it.
Take back your power,take back your life and know that not every nice guy gets dumped on and not every date is going to manifest into something permanent.

You don't need a woman to be fulfilled as a person. Have some fun.
You may be coming off as bitter but you may also be coming off as needy.

No woman wants to clean up the mess that some other girl left. Just have some fun.Find your dating feet and go out but keep is simple!

You met a girl who clearly needed constant male attention to feel good about herself.
That is her issue and it has nothing to do with you.
Women who are promiscuous ,as a rule have self esteem issues and they need a barrage of men to tell them ,they are wanted,adored,etc.

Don't place the blame on yourself.She also may have a drinking problem and that is another reason many girls end up hooking up,they are just too drunk to have normal inhibitions.

You are giving her a lot of power by hanging on to your bitterness.She doesn't deserve it.
Take back your power,take back your life and know that not every nice guy gets dumped on and not every date is going to manifest into something permanent.

You don't need a woman to be fulfilled as a person. Have some fun.
You may be coming off as bitter but you may also be coming off as needy.

No woman wants to clean up the mess that some other girl left. Just have some fun.Find your dating feet and go out but keep is simple!

Wow artlady- You were exactly right on a lot of things you just said... she did need constant male attention to feel good about herself!! She also does have serios self esteem issues! She told me once "I have serios personal and self esteem issues- I have been put down badly the last 4 years'. You see she was in a bad car accident and was never quite the same physically since.

You're also right when you said she needs a barrage of men to tell her she's adored/wanted. She'd even flirt/talk to guys right in front of me at times and so I could only imagine when I wasn't around! Oh you're right- she had a major drinking problem and would get drunk 5 times a week and to the point where she could barely stand.

I showed her tons of love and showed her 100% loyalty and complimented her all the time (shes very beautiful). I thought that would be enough so that she wouldn't need attention from other guys.

I showed her tons of love and showed her 100% loyalty and complimented her all the time (shes very beautiful). I thought that would be enough so that she wouldn't need attention from other guys.
In a perfect world ,that would have been enough.
BUT...
When people have serious self esteem issues,no amount of positive feedback from others is going to change that.

It has to come from within !

She sounds like a very troubled young lady who could probably benefit from some talk therapy.

She sounds like she is headed down a very dangerous self destructive path. Sad, but at this point you need to concentrate on healing for yourself.

In a perfect world ,that would have been enough.
BUT...
When people have serious self esteem issues,no amount of positive feedback from others is going to change that.

It has to come from within !

She sounds like a very troubled young lady who could probably benefit from some talk therapy.

She sounds like she is headed down a very dangerous self destructive path. Sad, but at this point you need to concentrate on healing for yourself.

Thanks artlady- you made some really good points and you were right on about her even with limited information.

UPDATE**I went 6 weeks of no contact and then yesterday my ex fiancé IM'ed me on Yahoo. After 6 or 7 IM's I gave in and repsonded.

I wanted her to feel guilty for dumping me. I told her how hurt I am still after what she did and how I haven't been able to date like normal because of all my anger/bitterness. She said she had no idea that I was still hurt by what she did and kept apologizing and denying she ever cheated.

I told her she's only talking to me to alleviate her gilt and she denied it. So anyway we IM'ed for at least 2 hours and then talked on the phone last night(she called me) for 1/2 hour. She told me she never meant to hurt me and she promised she never cheated.

I told her I can't be friends with her because I still have feelings for her but she said she wants to meet up to catch up on things. I told her I don't know if that would be good because I'd probably want her back and she said "who knows what cold happen"

Now today she said she wanted to talk on Yahoo and she blew me off all day and texted me saying shed go on Yahoo and never did. What should I do now? Start no contact again or try to be friends with her? Oh she did say she's seeing someone but he's not a boyfriend yet.

I think you already know the answer to that question. In the risk of repeating everybody else, go no contact ASAP. No contact isn't just you not contacting her, it is you not letting her contact you. As long as you are in contact with her, you will not heal and you will just suffer.

I think you already know the answer to that question. In the risk of repeating everybody else, go no contact ASAP. No contact isn't just you not contacting her, it is you not letting her contact you. As long as you are in contact with her, you will not heal and you will just suffer.

So was the whole purpose of her contacting me just to alleviate her guilt? I guess I should have never responded to her IM's but I wanted her to feel guilty for what she did and know what she put me through. Now I feel so used like she just used me to boost her own ego.:confused:

Well here is the result of breaking NC, you're just more hurt. If you want an explanation, she's contacting you so that she knows someone is still thinking about her, and she can keep you as a fallback in case nothing works out.

Since you DO break NC, I suggest blocking all means of communication between you and her, delete and block her from IM, Facebook, msn, phone, etc...

You shouldn't think of making her feel bad, or making her feel anything at all. She has her life, and now you have to take care of yours and build a happy life.

Well here is the result of breaking NC, you're just more hurt. If you want an explanation, she's contacting you so that she knows someone is still thinking about her, and she can keep you as a fallback in case nothing works out.

Since you DO break NC, I suggest blocking all means of communication between you and her, delete and block her from IM, facebook, msn, phone, ect...

You shouldn't think of making her feel bad, or making her feel anything at all. She has her life, and now you have to take care of yours and build a happy life.
Tea you're right- I had a moment of weakness and now I regret it. She was trying to say the right things to get me to respond. That's why she was like you must really hate me. Stupid me bought right into it. At least some of the anger/bitterness is gone from me.


She is so messed up because she was saying how she's really sorry and she wants to ahng out/catch up and then she was being sweet on the phone last night and she actually got me happy thinking maybe I could be friends with her and then today totally blows me off. Its like she got what she needed from me and goodbye.

Yes, welcome to break up 101. It happens over and over again so you're not the only one feeling like a fool. Good thing you can move on and heal yourself.

Don't ever break NC from now on and it's time to take care of your own.

NC man. All the way. Forever.

Don't give her anymore satisfaction. It will only make you feel like crap and put you back to square one. You gotten that proof already.

Remember, she dumped you. If she feels guilty, let her deal with it.

My ex did the same thing. But luckily stopped after a while, when she figured out that I would never speak or respond to her again. But only out of guilt.

If it was about love, then we wouldn't have exes, would we? Hehehe.

She is no longer your concern.

Time to work on yourself, get yourself back & do all the positive things you can to get there.

You can do it. Good luck.

NC man. All the way. Forever.

Dont give her anymore satisfaction. It will only make you feel like crap and put you back to square one. You gotten that proof already.

Remember, she dumped you. If she feels guilty, let her deal with it.

My ex did the same thing. But luckily stopped after a while, when she figured out that I would never speak or respond to her again. But only out of guilt.

If it was about love, then we wouldnt have exes, would we? Hehehe.

She is no longer your concern.

Time to work on yourself, get yourself back & do all the positive things you can to get there.

You can do it. Good luck.

Hey vanheart- thanks man... I was following your thread for a while a month or two back so I know about your situation. I was doing so good man- 6 weeks of no contact and she reeled me in with her guilt IM's and I took the bait like an idiot. She even called last night and was all sweet and stuff saying how she's going to come see me and then today she disappears in thin air and totally blows me off. Why would she be so sweet 1 day and then the next evil and play with my heart like this?:confused::(

Who knows why? People can be cruel.
My guess is guilt.

That's why NC is so crucial. Not to succumb to the BS & drama anymore.

We all want answers, for our ex to know the damage, etc.. But, the more you hear from her, or be in contact, the more pain it will bring. Because at this point you have different motives & expectations than she does.

But at the end of the day, she doesn't want you anymore. So disappear. Let her live with her decision and allow yourself to figure out who you are & who is deserving of you.

Its hard yes, I know, and very painful at times, but way less painful than dragging yourself through more mud over and over. That will make the healing process much harder and drive you crazy.

Block her, delete her, whatever it takes.
You should only exist for those that truly care. Not for game players.

Who knows why? People can be cruel.
My guess is guilt.

Thats why NC is so crucial. Not to succumb to the BS & drama anymore.

We all want answers, for our ex to know the damage, etc.. But, the more you hear from her, or be in contact, the more pain it will bring. Because at this point you have different motives & expectations than she does.

But at the end of the day, she doesnt want you anymore. So disappear. Let her live with her decision and allow yourself to figure out who you are & who is deserving of you.

Its hard yes, I know, and very painful at times, but way less painful than dragging yourself through more mud over and over. That will make the healing process much harder and drive you crazy.

Block her, delete her, whatever it takes.
You should only exist for those that truly care. Not for game players.

Yes you're right with everything. I know you're a man who has just experienced it all so I appreciate your advice. Its so hard because I opened my heart to her again and tried in my heart to have her as a friend because of the deep love I had for her and she just took off and left me with more pain. Im so mad I crumbled and IM'ed her back. I truly was played one final time from her. Now I know we can never be friends and I will never see her again. I was so happy yesterday and miserable today. I was just happy thinking I'd see her again. Time to move on:(

Yup exactly. Time to move on.

You can't be her puppy dog that's available whenever she's feels the need.
String you along & get some twisted satisfaction over it.

Once you cut that out. You won't have to worry about those hurtful games.

Rock on, buddy. If I can do it, you can...

What sux the most is that I still miss her. I went on about 10 dates since her and I never even kissed one of them- had no desire to. I compare all of them to her and feel they don't compare.

What if years go by before I find someone that I love like her? Why is it so easy for her to meet all these new guys and so hard for me to meet anyone? I know she's had at least 3 guys she was seeing at one time since our breakup 3 months ago.

Yes it sucks. But that will pass.

Use this as a learning experience about who you are & who is right for you.

Let it happen. One day you will realize that this wasn't right.

Don't compare yourself to her. It will only cause confusion. She can do whatever she wants. No longer your concern.

Live in the moments, not too far ahead.

Yes it sucks. But that will pass.

Use this as a learning experience about who you are & who is right for you.

Let it happen. One day you will realize that this wasnt right.

Dont compare yourself to her. It will only cause confusion. She can do whatever she wants. No longer your concern.

Live in the moments, not too far ahead.

Thanks... I'm trying to use this as a learning experience. This is only my 2nd real relationship in my life- the 1st one was a relief when it ended so there was no emotions when it ended for me. This is my 1st time I had my heart shattered. :(How long did it take you to get over your ex?

That's a good question.
"Over it" is a loose term.

Its been almost 6 months for me & Im still on the path. We go through stages. A rollercoaster that eventually slows down.

Its different for everyone, but what I do know is with time and work, things can accelerate.

Its all up to you.

Thats a good question.
"Over it" is a loose term.

Its been almost 6 months for me & Im still on the path. We go through stages. A rollercoaster that eventually slows down.

Its different for everyone, but what I do know is with time and work, things can accelerate.

Its all up to you.

So its been 6 months for you but do you still miss her/think about her/ wonder what she's doing?

I wouldn't say "miss" I honestly realize that she wasn't right and probably never was.

Of course I think & wonder, but honestly, those thoughts don't serve me one bit. They don't make me feel good, so I try to keep all that at bay & after time & work, they become seconds, not days or hours.

That's the key. To recognize that she does not define your happiness.

Didn't before, won't now or again.

Experience good times without her. Friends, family, whatever.

Thats a good question.
"Over it" is a loose term.

Its been almost 6 months for me & Im still on the path. We go through stages. A rollercoaster that eventually slows down.

Its different for everyone, but what I do know is with time and work, things can accelerate.

Its all up to you.

I'm exactly where Vanheart is. It's been also 6 months and I've done some major improvements. I still think of my ex from time to time, and it does tingle a bit when I think about her, but it doesn't bring me down.

It takes time, but as long as you work positively on yourself, you will be happy everyday. Time DOES heal all wound.

I would say, life goes back to normal (little or no emotions) between 1 month to 2 month (there is improvement everyday) if you apply NC and heal actively.

I'm exactly where Vanheart is. It's been also 6 months and I've done some major improvements. I still think of my ex from time to time, and it does tingle a bit when I think about her, but it doesn't bring me down.

It takes time, but as long as you work positively on yourself, you will be happy everyday. Time DOES heal all wound.

I would say, life goes back to normal (little or no emotions) between 1 month to 2 month (there is improvement everyday) if you apply NC and heal actively.

Hey Paxe- well its been 3 months since she dumped me. The 1st month killed- couldn't eat, sleep, non-stop thinking about her, couldn't do anything really. Now after 3 mo's I still find myself thinking about her a lot- just not all the time. On my comp there's hundreds of pics and videos and I can't help but look at them from time to time. It would probably be easier if she would leave me alone because her contacting me just reminds me of her.

In 3 months from now I'm sure I'll still think of her a decent amount. I think because being single is so very hard to meet a girl that's the total package- It makes me more depressed. It just seems like with my ex right from the start there was no games... we talked and texted for hours right from day 1:( I'm realizing how it stinks being single because most girls don't want relationships and the real good looking ones are usually y- my ex was one of the few beautiful ones that wasn't a b****.

Get rid of that sh$$t. Those pix, videos, emails. Cards, photos. Vms. Texts, love notes, gifts, blah blah.

Stop letting her contact you. Leave her alone, yo.

You mean good looking on the outside, but not inside??

Figure out who you are first.

I think I begin to see the reason of your pain. You have to delete everything from her or you won't heal, that is for sure. Instead of taking 3 more months, it should not even take you 1 month to get life back on track.

Do you go to the gym everyday? Do you socialize with friends and try to meet new people? Did you into new activities or did you start volunteering? Are you concentrating on work or school?

I was in the same place as you before. I thought since I was in electrical engineer, and I don't meet that many women everyday, I won't find a good women for me.

Well after 3 months, I was proved wrong, very wrong. I've met a lot of women, all of them lovely and beautiful. If you go out there there will be a LOT of women you can meet and all are different.
You just need to take care of yourself, dress better, gain muscle, work on your posture, and be confident. If you work on all that, you WILL gain confidence.

Now start applying full NC, delete her images, videos, EVERYTHING.

I think I begin to see the reason of your pain. You have to delete everything from her or you won't heal, that is for sure. Instead of taking 3 more months, it should not even take you 1 month to get life back on track.

Do you go to the gym everyday? Do you socialize with friends and try to meet new people? Did you into new activities or did you start volunteering? Are you concentrating on work or school?

I was in the same place as you before. I thought since I was in electrical engineer, and I don't meet that many women everyday, I won't find a good women for me.

Well after 3 months, I was proved wrong, very wrong. I've met a lot of women, all of them lovely and beautiful. If you go out there there will be a LOT of women you can meet and all are different.
You just need to take care of yourself, dress better, gain muscle, work on your posture, and be confident. If you work on all that, you WILL gain confidence.

Now start applying full NC, delete her images, videos, EVERYTHING.

A while back I joined the same gym as my ex and got in the best shape of my life- however from being so depressed I stopped going right after being dumped and now 3 months later I lost all my gains. So after talking to my ex on Friday and hearing that she's seeing the one guy from the gym I am very motivated to get back into it- I plan on pushing myself harder than ever. Can't wait to go 3 miles on the treadmill tomorrow.

There was a basketball & volleyball league that I was going to join but never did and I filled out all the paperwork for volunteering (big brotheres/big sisters) but never sent it in. So basically on weekends my friend and I go bar- hopping and although we meet lots of girls they're either too old/too young/taken or just not very attractive. Seems like its always something. Oh and a lot of them are bit***. That's how the better looking girls are in my area.

I definitely need to meet some new people and start being more active during the day. I work nights so I'm sleeping in the morning. That's part of the problem- my crazy hours. When I do go out and around town I try being social with people just to start gaining my confidence back.

Go to a different gym, first of all, or do something else.

Especially since she's seeing someone from the gym.

Yes, be social and do stuff for yourself. Meet someone new everyday, with no expectations or judgement. Not necessarily girlfriend prospects. Just people. There are lots of cool & nice people out there.

Volunteering & giving back is a nice idea.

A while back I joined the same gym as my ex and got in the best shape of my life- however from being so depressed I stopped going right after being dumped and now 3 months later I lost all my gains. So after talking to my ex on Friday and hearing that shes seeing the one guy from the gym I am very motivated to get back into it- I plan on pushing myself harder than ever. Can't wait to go 3 miles on the treadmill tommorrow.

There was a basketball & volleyball league that I was going to join but never did and I filled out all the paperwork for volunteering (big brotheres/big sisters) but never sent it in. So basically on weekends my friend and I go bar- hopping and although we meet lots of girls they're either too old/too young/taken or just not very attractive. Seems like its always something. Oh and a lot of them are bit***. Thats how the better looking girls are in my area.

I definitely need to meet some new people and start being more active during the day. I work nights so I'm sleeping in the morning. Thats part of the problem- my crazy hours. When I do go out and around town I try being social with people just to start gaining my confidence back.

I like seeing positive points! If you're ex is in this gym, go in a different one like Vanheart is saying. You will see a tremendous difference and you'll be proud of yourself, and you'll attract more girls.

As for the volunteering and activities, there is a lot more out there (amnesty international, oxfam... ) so you can just pick one.

Now for the bars, that's bad, really bad. Of course you won't meet decent women there, and there is actually way more guys than girls in those places. Plus, it's really difficult to get talking to girls, they are really defensive. I don't say don't try, I say, don't give too much expectations.

The best way to meet girls is... to not think about it. Sounds cheesy but it really work. My schedule is really busy and I study in an environment with plenty of men. I still manage to get a lot of girls interested in me. I do this by taking care of myself and hanging out in places where I want to meet decent girls (aka volunteering, activities, friend's parties). For now don't think about getting any girls, take care of yourself, meet new people, then you can worry about finding a new girlfriend once you've completely healed. And the best way to look for them, is not to look for them.

Agree with Paxe, Van... if your sick of the bar warpigs, John, ever tried the online dating scene?

Plentyoffish, e-harmony... etc

If your new to this, rock Plentyoffish first - it's free.

Agree with Paxe, Van...if your sick of the bar warpigs, John, ever tried the online dating scene?

Plentyoffish, e-harmony...etc

If your new to this, rock Plentyoffish first - it's free.

Let us give him some time before that. Also I do believe guys need to learn how to talk to ladies. I mean online dating is easy, so let's not rush it. Take life easy and go slow.

True; was being a tad selfish in my post. That's what helped me. Then again, I did what John did, not once, but over and over... and over... for 4 1/2 months of torture.

... kinda comes off as a cute death metal lyric..

Let those endorphins run wild John. If running's your thing, there's not a better high in terms of endorphin levels. Even weight lifting doesn't produce the significant amount as running does.

Fight fire with fire.

True; was being a tad selfish in my post. That's what helped me. Then again, I did what John did, not once, but over and over...and over...for 4 1/2 months of torture.

...kinda comes off as a cute death metal lyric..

Let those endorphins run wild John. If running's your thing, there's not a better high in terms of endorphin levels. Even weight lifting doesn't produce the significant amount as running does.

Fight fire with fire.

Yea, I got my own share of pain here when my ex broke out with me: near suicidal, lost hair, hair turned white, had diarrhea for 3 weeks.

Luckily I passed this time and I've reborn from my ashes to help you guys out. And yea, go do some crazy sports, it helped me out. 2 hours everyday minimum. I went from utter blind shock, to life getting some sense of normalcy in 3 weeks with sports.

Agree with Paxe, Van...if your sick of the bar warpigs, John, ever tried the online dating scene?

Plentyoffish, e-harmony...etc

If your new to this, rock Plentyoffish first - it's free.

Hey Reactor and Paxe--yea I think I know why you always hear the quote "sick of the bar scene"- it really does get old real quick. :rolleyes: I'm going to the bars more for just getting myself out there and talking to as much girls as possible. "Bar warpigs"- never heard that before but I like it haha

Yes I have tried plentyoffish- that's how I met my ex fiancé last September. I'm back on it now and actually had 4 dates last week- some of them pretty good ones. However I realized after the dates its still to early so I'm giving things a rest for a while.:D

Hey,
I am going through the exact same thing. My ex left me two months ago and callled me yesterday crying about how sad she was in her life and how she felt hopeless. Of course, I felt horrible and comforted her but in the end she only wants me as a friend. Problem is I am not over her. Sadly, I had to tell her we couldnt talk anymore. I know it is hard and painful but No Contact is the only way to get over an ex. Believe me I realize that now even after everyone told me so. You have to be strong and let her go. If you truly want to heal no contact is the only way. In the far future when you are healed you can reconnect as a friend if you want.

Hey Dave- sorry to hear you're going through the same thing. Your ex says how sad and hopeless she is but mine sounds like she's happy dating/seeing all these different guys. But yea both are ex'es just think of us as friends and that's the problem- we want more than that and they don't realize how it hurts more to talk to them than NOT to talk to them. :(

Yes I do realize no contact is the only way to go. Now I just have to be strong enough the next time she tries contacting me. I tried thinking maybe we can be friends but the ONLY way that works is if we only think of our ex'es as friends also.:rolleyes:

I don't necessarily regret that I broke no contact the other day- we had a great talk and it made me realize how any contact is still very painful. Just hearing your really cute voice on the phone made me sad. Oh well:(

Ya know bjohn,

Was thinking.
Dumpers know what they want, did it & got a weight lifted off them by doing so.
The Dumpees, are let with some of that projected weight. Only to get rid of.

My point, is to not worry if she's happy or not, only if you are happy (or will & can be)

This is about you, man.

We can check Facebook, carry pictures around in our wallets, but at some point we say "What am I doing?"

Don't worry if you won't remember what she looks like or sounds.

She's gone.

And with all things that are gone from our lives. They don't require our precious time.

Ya know bjohn,

Was thinking.
Dumpers know what they want, did it & got a weight lifted off them by doing so.
The Dumpees, are let with some of that projected weight. Only to get rid of.

My point, is to not worry if shes happy or not, only if you are happy (or will & can be)

This is about you, man.

We can check facebook, carry pictures around in our wallets, but at some point we say "What am I doing?"

Dont worry if you wont remember what she looks like or sounds.

Shes gone.

And with all things that are gone from our lives. They dont require our precious time.
Yea very true Van- I have to not think about if she's happier now with her new man or if she's glad she got rid of me. I highly doubt she put much thought into if I'm happy or not so I shouldn't care if she is. The 1st month I always looked at the Facebook and looked at her twitter and pics of us but I put an end to all that because I kept getting that dull aching pain in my chest and I said "what am I doing?". It was like I was torturing myself.:rolleyes:

Don't torture yourself anymore.
Stick with NC & you'll be fine.

Ok so I've been doing good with the no contact and never thought I'd here from my ex fiancé again.

Then yesterday I got a text from her saying how she's on vacation with her parents (I was supposed to be there) and she's on the beach and its reminding her of when we went on the cruise and how much fun she had and how thanks to me it was one of the best weeks of her life.

I didn't know what to say so I just sent a sad face and she replied with "I know" and said how she thinks about me a lot and misses me. So I replied and told her I think about her and miss her also.

It was then texting back and forth for a while. She was being nice and not cold in her texts which is a change.

The thing is that I know I'm getting over her because it didn't hurt hearing from her. Usually I'd get all these emotions flooding in. I really don't know what she's thinking- maybe she's realizing she may have made a mistake.

So I'm thinking either A) send her an email again explaining how we can't be friends because I want more and not to contact me unless she wants to try again or B) just do no contact from here on out. Which would be better? I know its over and very small chance she'd get back with me but I wouldn't mind at all giving it one more try down the road.

I've always felt extremely comfortable with her and I'm very picky. Also her parents are amazing and I am very close to them.

Stay in NC... You can't keep giving in. This could last till you are 50 if you don't stop. If she is not knocking on your door begging to be with you then everything else means NOTHING. You know better but your heart doesn't. Don't let your heart play tricks on you!
You have to get rid of her in every way! When you are over her then you can think about getting over her. Even if the two of you get back together, thinking logically, you will always want her more and things will be unbalanced which alone will cause destruction among lots of other things. She will always be able to let go a lot easier than you will.
Better yourself in every way and you will be fine. Be happy with yourself and you will see that you don't need her. I have come to the conclusion that people become clingy and want something that doesn't want them when they are not happy with themselves. Good luck!

Thanks emopunk- so you're saying the no contact is better than sending the email? So do her words not mean anything? Is this just to relieve her guilt still? Her b'days in a week and Christmas is a month- I guess she's probably expecting me to send her a text but I know I shouldn't so I won't send anything.

Good prevent everything that has to do with her!

Stay NC & you won't have these questions.
Don't let her reel you in while she's having fun w/o you.
Have your own fun.

Tal said to me here:
"Send the strong message of silence"

And Chuff:
"The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference"

Ignore her.

Every contact will have you going around in circles nursing false hope. The way to recover from your breakup is to have no contact whatsoever-ignore her-block her-dont talk to her-make the decision,for your own healing's sake,to step away from this emotional rollercoaster.

Yuppers. amicon.
Does anyone say still say that? Hehehe..
Forgive me. Im bringing it back.

Hes got to make the decision.

:-) van-and yes make the decision and stick to it-write it in stone-it's the one thing that works in situations like this.

True that. So glad I did from the get go.

Free will is what separates us as human beings.

We can think, do and act however we want.

True-we all have free will and using that we can make the choices that hurt us the least.

Exactly.

And bjohnrupp, she wants the contact & friend zone to make sure that you validate her decision. Soften the blow in her mind, show power & eliminate her guilt. Why not, no real consequence to her anyway. She did it. She's not contacting you to say she made a mistake & you are the love of her life, please take me back, yada yada yada..

Don't wait for that.

Your thread is called "ex still contacts me"

Don't let her anymore. Show her who's in control now by silence.

Sorry, one more thing, before I crash..

The reason she contacts you is for a response. Nothing else. It's a done deal.

That's the truth.

She's on an attentionseeking powertrip so don't buy in to it by responding and lowering yourself to her level.

Sorry, one more thing, before I crash..

The reason she contacts you is for a response. Nothing else. Its a done deal.

Thats the truth.

Thanks Vanheart- I was very tempted to send an email saying how "I know the only reason you contact me is to relieve your guilt and please dont ever contact me again unless you want to get back together because if you do I wont respond"... but if you're saying no contact would be better than I'll do that.

She's on an attentionseeking powertrip so don't buy in to it by responding and lowering yourself to her level.

Thanks Amicon- I'm stupid for giving in and responding to her text. I guess she knew how to play with my heart and knew I'd probably respond if she worded it right. Now I wish I wasn't weak and ignored it. I was doing so good for a while-6 weeks of no contact. I guess I followed my heart and not my head and thought she was being sincere- I should have known better

No, you re not stupid, just human. Get back on the NC track,you'll be fine-just be patient with yourself.

No, you re not stupid, just human. Get back on the NC track,you'll be fine-just be patient with yourself.

I could do it- its going to be tough. I know she's going to send messages on Christmas and New Years among other days. Also her b'days in a week but I'm disappearing. :rolleyes:

Act as if you have disappeared from the planet! As for further texts-you could change your cellphone number.
The thing is once you stop allowing her to play her infantile little games, you get the upper hand and you can start healing for real.

I could do it- its going to be tough. I know shes going to send messages on Christmas and New Years among other days. Also her b'days in a week but I'm disappearing. :rolleyes:
That's the way to go.

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, dissapear from their life completely.

If down the road I'm in a relationship and/or completely healed is it OK to become friends with the ex? Or is it not recommended?

Hold, on, let me get my crystal ball out..

Heal first. Then ask yourself.

Live in the present.

I hope you have friends now that rock. You know the ones. Ones that you don't have to question. Now or later.

Ya know?

I think you heal, and be able to move on, and then see what else life throws at you. Much to soon to consider friends in the future, or even worry about it.

Thanks Van and Tal- I guess because I still love her so much as a person (shes been through so many extreme hardships) that I would always want to know she's OK but I understand what you guys are saying

Too bad for her past. Sorry about that.
No longer your worry or concern.

The past, right?

Hence the term ex. (ie no longer)

People come & go in our lives.

I see your point... no longer my concern

We all go through this, don't worry.

Just stay NC, be true to yourself & do some soul searching.

The light at the end of the tunnel is there.
Soon, you will bask in that sh$$t...

Yea now I'm staying NC. She played with me by being real nice last time to see if I'd respond and I took the bait. It was the 1st time she did that. I have to be strong next time.

Next time is now.

See?
By removing yourself from that physical drama, you won't have to spend your time reflecting, looking for answers, all that stuff.

"Does she still care?" (Even tough she dumped me... )

Most exs want nothing more to be pals. Control, justification, have someone else waiting in the wings to see if their new flame has the same qualities... Warm & fuzzy.

Move on from this girl.

Just wondering your opinion- do you think she'd ever want to renew things- is that why she stays in contact? To have an option if things don't work out with other guys?
Just some general things I never understood...
Why does she try to make plans and say she wants to hang out but then never will when the day comes? And why is she even afraid to talk on the phone- like she made excuses so she won't have to talk on the phone

Because she's your ex.
Not your girlfriend.

Dude go NC & stop worrying about what she's thinking and why she did this & that.

Doesn't those actions say anything to you?

Done pine over this girl. She's done with you.

I know she's done with me- I was just wondering
I'm not pining over her anymore- I use to a month or two ago but not anymore

Don't wonder about that stuff.
Geez, will she ever come back?

Do you mean 2 seconds ago, hehhehe?

Good.

Now its time to work on you.
Get healed & rock it.

HAHA ! Hey 1 last thing- should I go 100% no contact or send an email to her (after she contacts me) saying not to contact me anymore so that I can heal

Go NC, like months ago.

You know what NC means right?

So nice of you to still care for the person that dumped your a$$.

Whattya you think?

Your new thread title:
"leave recently ex-fiance alone?"

The answer is: Yup

Yea the last time she was being real nice so I was being real nice back to her saying how I still think about her a lot and now I feel stupid. I was just going to send the text so she knows why she'll never heasr from me again but I'll take your advice Van man

I'm looking forward to your thread- ex-fiancee-who?
Do the NC thing bjohn, it works.

Take it & run with it buddy. Withstand those urges. Delete her.

Cause it doesn't matter. Its over, done. She's your EX!

She no longer needs to know what your doing. Especially some as precious as healing. The very thing she caused.

She no longer deserves your courtesy, friendship or contact. FACT

Stop the madness.

Hey Amicon, Van heart, Tal man thanks a lot guys! I'd have to be dumb to go against what everyone's saying so I'm determined to do the NO CONTACT thing all the way now. She knows I'm a very nice guy and did literally EVERYTHING for her so she's taking advantage of the situation. I just REALLY hope she tries contacting me again because I want her to feel stupid when she NEVER gets a reply from me ever again.

NC is for you not for her.
That's not the right reason.

I actually hope she never contacts you again.

Van I know its for me but I still want her to feel stupid !

Just look forward to the day when her stupidity will be of no consequence to you.

How about now?

Her stupidity is in the past. Don't waste time that.

Your stupidity is worrying about her.

What revenge or karma?

You will be long gone by then.

C'mon.

van I know its for me but I still want her to feel stupid !

Sounds like your idea of "closure" is getting the last word. ~~ Think about it. You want her to send another message so that you get to show that maybe you won't be fooled again? This time you'll really not answer her. Uh-huh.

Ya' know, if I were you, I would really just be happy to not hear from her again. I don't think that you need the aggravation of having to deal with her at all. Worrying about who has the last word (at this point) is really pretty useless. All it's doing is contributing to your looking backwards. You want to look forwards.

Ok, you think that she won't get the point that you're done? Think about it. Not hearing from you because you've stuck a fork in it and called it done should be more than enough. Her type will eventually try contacting you again. Just don't look for anything from her. She's a bad penny and a bad penny always turns up. Proof, and you're really the only one needs it, will be if you really do not answer her. You have to stick to your guns and think of her as what she is: The past.

Rhiannnonn

So it was 3 weeks ago that my ex fiancé wanted to hang out with me and then blew me off. I sent the long text saying how she can't contact me anymore unless she wanted to hang out or get back together because it hurt too much talking to her and I told her I still had tons of feelings towards her.

A week later she sent the text saying how the week we spent on the cruise was one of the best weeks of her life. I texted her back saying how I missed her and every week with her was the best week of my life. We texted a while and then I told her to send a pic of her in her bikini (cuz she was on the beach) she never responded to that and now 2 weeks later I haven't heard from her at all.

I know the experts on here would say its good that she didn't contact me- it just sux because I always did like hearing from her because it made me think she was thinking of me... I guess she's happy in her relationship she's in now ans doesn't need to relieve her guilt anymore.

I know I told her not to contact me but I kind of wish she didn't listen. I know everyone always says no contact but I just wish I had her in my life somehow.

I've been going on dates and have had a positive attitude but I just don't think any of the girls compare at all to my ex in the looks department and I blow them off. I wish I wasn't so picky but I'm not going to settle and be with someone I wouldn't even want to have sex with.

Just hang in there, it will get easier.

Plus, if she's in a new relationship, why settle for scraps.

Don't be in such a rush to find someone & compare.

Work on healing from this one first.

Time to stick to 100% NC-you keep going back to square one with the texting and planned then cancelled hangouts.
Heal first then date.(Grr!:-))

That's what I've done- I haven't returned any texts from her since 2 weeks ago when she sent the text from her vacation. I'm guessing she may have brought her new man along for the family vacation and decided she doesn't need me for anything anymore.

One of those famous down moments, huh?

It will pass, just like gas, but with less effort.

I went on a date last night and I knew right away I wasn't attracted to the girl. When I got home I got very depressed because I'm very lonely. I don't think I'll ever find a girl with a BEAUTIFUL face and body that is very down to earth again. :(

Loneliness is not fought by dating. Dating is for after, in a long time. Now what you actually need is friend and family and to socialize with people.

You really need to take it slow, healing takes time, you can't just use a rebound.

This is probably going to sound harsh, but realising that you were not attracted to this girl is actually a good thing. It shows that you know deep inside that you need time and space. Far too many people get into rebound relationships without applying proper thought and logic as a way of masking and even denying their emotional pain.

By taking some "me time" you will come out of this stronger and energized.

If your ex-fiance is already in a relationship with someone else, then her troubles are only just beginning...

I think that, with her finding her entire family really, she probably can't help but wonder what commitment means. Or what abandonment means, or love, or lies, or relationships. This would turn my whole life upside down, and the last thing on my mind would be taking another step toward any relationship commitment.

She has to face a lot of questions, about who she is, her life, where this family is going to fit in, or not, all the what if's, figuring out what she wants or needs from them, where she fits in.

They are, who she will become. She will change, no matter what happens because this new family will take up most of her time and effort.

She probably took the ring off because she can only deal with so much at one time. Moving forward with you, at the same time she is going back in time with them, is stretching things a bit too much.

The best thing you can do is be there for her when she goes through this, and realize this isn't about you. How you handle her needs right now (for space when she needs it), will eventually come around again to you being the man she can trust and count on.

You should do nothing, except be there for her, and not get worked up about the relationship taking a change to less intense. Realize that what she faces, to her, is priority right now, and she has to deal with it.

This is probably going to sound harsh, but realising that you were not attracted to this girl is actually a good thing. It shows that you know deep inside that you need time and space. Far too many people get into rebound relationships without applying proper thought and logic as a way of masking and even denying their emotional pain.

By taking some "me time" you will come out of this stronger and energized.

If your ex-fiance is already in a relationship with someone else, then her troubles are only just beginning..........

But in a week it will be 4 months since I have been dumped- so would that still be considered a rebound relationship? I thought a rebound relationship is when you get involved with someone right after you get dumped. I know I've made some progress because it no longer feels weird when I go on dates like it did months ago. I think you're right- I need more me time.

What do you mean when you said if my ex-fiance is in a relationship with someone else, then her troubles are only just beginning? She's already had 3 or 4 relationships since she dumped me from the last I heard. She said she wanted to see more than 1 guy at a time. Last I heard (3 weeks ago) she said she's seeing some guy and he's soon to be her boyfriend.

I'd call any relationship one starts before having healed from a breakup a rebound. We have to be completely over the ex and happy being ourselves before thinking about another serious relationship. Dating to get to know new people and enjoy life is part of the process. Your ex seems to be jumping around all over the page but that's not your problem anymore.

Yeah, don't worry about what she's doing and her relationship troubles.
Good lesson.

Maybe you were another one of her rebounds. Goes to show you not to get with someone that doesn't know what they want.

She's young. You need a woman, not a girl.

They're out there. But get your act together first.

Hey Van- every day that goes by I think less and less what she is doing. Slowly I'm healing but I will admit I do still miss her. I very well could have been one of her rebounds( I think I was for a few reasons but she denied it)

Yes she was very young... she was 21 when we met. Sometimes I felt like I was with a high school girl.. she did some extremely immature things.

You're right- I do need to get my act together first-even after almost 4 months I realize I'm not ready to date yet.

Dude, I know.

I was with someone 10 years younger.

Im glad you are doing the right things. I commend you & know the challenges.

What helped me was to write stuff down that I was thinking even words or phrases. I actually did a lot things like that, even writing down everyone Ive ever known & my relationships with them. Stuff like that.I work in the creative biz & that's what works for me. Reading did too. As well as fun outdoor stuff & hanging & partying with friends that mutually care.

I wasn't & still really aren't trying to search for the next person. Im still healing after 6 months. Ive had some dates & fun, but seriousness is the last thing on my mind.

Hang in there & do whatever it takes for you to get through this. The path will become clearer & straighter, believe me.

You will hopefully never forget this. Because you can use this as one of MANY live lessons to come.

Rock on bjohnrupp...

No I definitely will never forget this for the rest of my life. Going from being engaged and beginning to plan the wedding to nothing almost overnight. This was the 1st time I had my heart broken and never saw it coming because we always promised each other we'd work anything out that may be bothering us in the relationship. I still can't even think for 1 second of her with another guy- the very thought kills. I can thank her for giving me a life lesson and I have so much more knowledge for the next relationship. I'm just worried I'm not going to find someone again for a long time- I always felt very comfortable with her in every way. :(

Don't worry. Worrying doesn't serve one positive thing.

Those feelings will pass, even though it hurts at the time & its difficult to hear.

Then a feeling of relief will happen, but, will stages attached. And ups & downs. Its actually up to you.

I didn't really see it coming either & that's beside the point. BUT, I did after that fact realize how wrong it was.

And like that cliché, that I used to snicker at: Things happen for a reason.

Or reasons.. we usually know what they are & are either in denial or whatever. Generally because we don't have our emotional act together.

I certainly didn't.

Well, you're not feeling comfortable now. But will.

Van- does your ex still contact you? How long have you been doing no contact?

Nope.

6 months. 5 days after she dumped over the phone. The last call, she hung up on me at the end.

Contacted me a few times via text & email & to hookup when she was in town, but I never responded.

She even had her pals try & then went after my friends. To no avail.

All probably 3 months ago.

I don't wish to ever hear from her or see or again. No reason, Only brings bad feelings.

Later, skater. I say.

I only want good feelings.

Wow- good for you man. That must have been tough to stick with the no contact. I know what you mean about bad feelings though. I really believe I won't ever be able to be friends with my ex because I would/could never hear about her new man. Its been over 2 weeks now since I last heard from her which is the longest since the break up. Maybe she'll stop contacting me now for good like your ex has done.

Consider yourself NC.

Yeah, it was one of the hardest things for me.

But now its easy.

I have way more important things to think about & do.

Yeah, it was one of the hardest things for me.

But now its easy.

I have way more important things to think about & do.

I love happy endings , Good for you van :)

Was that a typo? Happy beginnings... hehehe.

Thanks. Appreciate that.

Ah! I love it when people get their life back on track and see that there is something else out there, a whole new world.

Hey everyone- I just wanted to rant on here because I feel like I'm going to lose it if I don't. For some reason I'm having a really bad day. I don't know why but I notice somedays I'll be doing good and won't think of the ex that much and then other days I think about her a lot and get this strong urge to look at her social networking sites. I don't look because I know all the pain it would cause.

This is the longest that I haven't heard from her and part of me gets upset that I may never hear from her again and it feels like a death that I'm dealing with. Are these feelings normal? Soon it will be 4 months and I thought days like this would be far and few between. I'm also realizing just how hard it is to get into a relationship with someone. I just hope years don't go by before I have another relationship. I just think being in love and having someone love me (that I adore) is the best feeling ever. Any feedback/advice would be appreciated.

Yup.
Absolutely normal.

Only time, hard work & self-realization are going to get you there.

We all have those days. Just hang in there & do good things for yourself.

This relationship is not your end all & it doesn't define who who are. Only who you were.

Don't be so concerned with worrying if you will find the right person.
You are never really alone if you are emotionally together as a person.

Just give yourself a break, and heal from this one first. Don't get into something right now, just be cool & have fun.

And yes, resist those urges to check up on her. Its pointless.

I know this sh$$t hurts, but it will pass & you will be back on your feet.

Think about how you were before you even met her. You will survive and be a better person after.

Thanks Van for the quick response! I just don't know why some days are like this but I get that slow aching pain in my chest all day and start thinking about all sorts of things and what went wrong. I know some people say to stay busy and actually today I was busy all day and I still kept thinking of things.

I know what you're saying Van but I wasn't that happy before I met her... was very happy when I was with her and now I'm not happy again. I know people say about going to the gym and all which I started doing again but it seems like what's the point when I'm single anyway- it hasn't made me any happier.

Well, that's a problem.

Needing someone to make our life better. Or that's the only reason to be happy & content.

That's like a stamp on your forehead.

Muster up the strength to be happy, together & confident.

Then the universe is yours.

And don't worry about what went wrong. Be more concerned about what you are going to do now, to feel good.

The more you wallow, the more time goes by. Life is WAY too precious for that.

Do whatever it takes for you to get there. And working out is for you, to be healthy, not for someone else. That's crazy.

Yea I know... you're right. I'm trying to find ways to be happy alone but its not easy. I feel incomplete- something I need to work on :(

Ya, know.

What helped for me was to make a list of my positive attributes & negative ones. And to be brutally honest w/myself. Not second guessing or telling myself what I thought I wanted to hear.

Then look at how to fix those negative ones.

To place a picture in my mind as to what kind of person I really want to be.

Project myself.

Yea that's a good idea. I'm going to do that. Right now I still kind of feel stuck- makes me feel scared to ever fall in love again because I don't want to deal with this kind of pain again.

Dude, fix yourself first. One pain at a time, OK? Hehehe...

If you are not together, then you will only attract the same.

That would be the same recipe.

Imagine being totally & emotionally together & desiring nothing less but the same from everyone else.

Takes time, man. But most importantly hard work on your part. Your methods.

There's no magic here.

Thanks Van. With Christmas and New Years coming up I have a feeling she's going to send text messages those 2 holidays- It's going to be hard but I know I'm going to have to ignore them. I'm sure she'll send something mean if I do but I have to ignore it.

Yeah, I know that anxiety.

BUT, if you are dedicated to NC, then you are all good.

Happened to me. But, I dealt with it & moved on. They just want to keep you playing their BS game. If that happens, who cares? Not them. Its just selfish twisted sh$$t at that point. Only to be ignored.

After all, they are but words on a screen.

Remember, actions speak louder than words... And her actions have already been documented, right?

She's already exited. Everything after regarding her is of no consequence to you.

That's the key.

Yea you're right Van- she's not coming back/she has a new man/ she really could care less anymore now that she was able to relieve some guilt. I should have never responded to her 3 1/2 weeks ago when she IM'ed me because maybe she would have actually started to miss me if I never ever responded. Oh well- doesn't matter anymore... I know she's gone for good. I wish I knew what I could have done differently. I should have known the outcome of this relationship wasn't going to end good... too many red flags and she didn't seem happy for a long time. :( I definitely was blinded by love- as hard as it is to accept she didn't feel nearly the same as me as I did about her. I guess what really threw me off is how she always wanted to have a baby right up until days before she dumped me. Still makes no sense to me- sorry for ranting.

Don't be sorry. Just continue now.

Good that you know & realize all of that stuff & what to look out for.

But make sure that you have your sh$$t together first for the future.

She's history now.

You are really the only one that matters. Its your life, after all...

Thanks van- I still wonder if she got pregnant like she always wanted if she would have still left. I don't think she would have... I don't know- like you said she history now- can't wait until memories of her are more of just a blur/fuzzy

Who cares. All women say they want babies.

That too was surely bs. To suck you in & keep you. Words vs. actions.

This will all fade. But if we don't learn as humans, then we are nothing.

Why am I feeling so alone lately? Nothing has worked out with any girls- it seems almost impossible to find someone like my ex. I've been going to the gym but I still feel really down.

4 weeks ago I sent my ex the text saying not to contact me unless she wants to hangout or get back together and now I wish I didn't send it because besides the 1 time I never hear from her and its making me miss her... especially because absolutely NOTHING is working out with any other girls. Girls that only look 1/2 as good as my ex are twice as big of bit****.

I'm really fed up with it all. Lately I've been blaming myself for things ending- thinking I should have given her a lot more freedom. Part of me is worried we'll never even be friends again and even though she hurt me that would be hard for me to deal with

Not to worry.

It takes time.

The really important thing is to keep up the healing process & get yourself back before you jump into anything.

Blaming, comparing & worrying won't serve you one bit.

Don't even be concerned about friendship until you are completely over this.
You may find at that point you have no desire to be.

Also,don't worry about finding someone that measures up to her-knock her off the pedestal-and when you're over the ex,you will meet someone who will be a much better match.
Once you let go of that last remaining false hope you'll really feel how you bounce back and become you again.

Thanks guys--but why is it that she's already been seeing/having sex with different guys (4 or 5) and moved on before she even dumped me and I'm still struggling? It just seems so unfair that I'm the one with all the hurt and still haven't met 1 person and she's having the time of her life boucing from one guy (relationship) to another.

I know you'll say don't worry about her or what she's doing but how can't I? I mean she moved on as though I never meant a thing to her. I wonder if she even thinks about me anymore. Maybe she was happy when I sent that text because now she could put me permanently in the past.

What good does it do thinking about that? Does that make you feel good?

She's your EX. Remember. She can do whatever she wants.

You need to put HER permanently in the past.

She has already done her damage. Any further damage is caused by you.

Van is right-you're doing this to you. You can decide to let it go. Or not. I vote you do.

How do I just let it all go? Is time the only thing that will do it for me? I've tried staying busy, gym, going out with friends but still find myself thinking about her... I think because nothing at all has come close to working out with other girls.

Just stay on it & try not to dwell. Keep your mind busy.

And yes, its time and hard work, but it will pass.

Know that you don't NEED someone else to make your fun.

Let me tell you something, I still think about my ex, but it doesn't phase me at all... the sadness is gone and I just laugh her situation and knowing that my situation is 1000 times better...

I stay busy and keep it moving... I keep thinking of the next big things that are going to happen in my life now that she isn't holding me back... that helps a lot!

I have yet to work on trying to find another girl, I want to work on me and not be an idiot like my ex and jump onto the next person I see...

I want to work on myself so I won't fail again...

Do things you really enjoy.with people you really like. Maybe take a vacation,go somewhere you've not been before.
Change your mindset,that takes concentration and some work,but it can most definitely be done.

I really appreciate all your help guys- This forum has helped me just get my emotions out. I think its much better posting things on here than wanting to contact my ex. One thing I could say is I'm surprised how strong I was in never contacting her since she dumped me (although I did respond to some of her texts) I forced myself to let her go and never begged for her back because I never wanted to look pathetic/desperate.

Hey Jaffey- I've been following your thread but how long has it been since your girl ended it?

I really appreciate all your help guys- This forum has helped me just get my emotions out. I think its much better posting things on here than wanting to contact my ex. One thing I could say is I'm surprised how strong I was in never contacting her since she dumped me (although I did respond to some of her texts) I forced myself to let her go and never begged for her back because I never wanted to look pathetic/desperate.

Hey Jaffey- I've been following your thread but how long has it been since your girl ended it?

Good job man, I express a lot of anger on this forum, its helps a lot...

Its been since Saturday, Nov. 28th... so almost 2 weeks?

You are strong,and you're getting there-no doubt about it. Good night from old England.:-)

Good night Amicon-thanks. Hey Jaff- sounds like in such a short time you're doing good already. Have you heard from her lately?

good night Amicon-thanks. Hey Jaff- sounds like in such a short time you're doing good already. Have you heard from her lately?

I'm doing good already because of my strong support system of friends who tell me how much I have on the table now that she is out of the picture...

It also helps that I hear my ex keeps saying little things bad about me... like subliminal messages... it proves she can't get over me whether she has a new guy or not... im enjoying her anger and changing it into positive energy...

And I haven't heard from her since the day I talked about her kids... I don't expect to hear from her until maybe 5 to 8 months... I just have that feeling... but I'm not living just for that moment to happen...

YES!

Glad you have good friends, those are the things that helped me.

Live for you, not her.

I hope you never hear anything bad again.

I went on a date with this girl like a month ago and we got along pretty good. At dinner the subject of our last relationships came up and I mentioned how my ex dumped me and I guess you can see/hear the bitterness and hurt in me.

Yesterday I asked her if she'd like to meet up again and she said only as a friend because she could tell I have a lot of healing to do still from my last relationship. So this is the 1st time I heard it from another girl and I guess this is why all my dates have been bad.

I noticed at the end they always just give me a quick hug and we never talk again. I would only mention my ex for a minute but I guess they can see how hurt I am?

It's so frustrating- she's moved on 4 months ago and I'm still not even able to have a normal date. I guess I'm wasting my time by even trying. Friends tell me the best way to get over someone is by seeing someone new but I noticed that for some reason I still don't want to meet anyone new and I'm still far from over her. This has never happened before in my entire life- god it really shows just how much I loved my ex.

I guess she listened to me when I told her not to contact me unless she wants to get back together because I haven't heard from her in 3 weeks (the longest since we broke up)

Go on a date to meet somebody new, not to date your ex...

If you don't allow yourself that then you will be lost... and stuck on her for a long time...

Most women don't want to be a rebound which would be the case until you're properly over your ex. To be harsh I'd say if a guy started talking about his breakup on our first date,that would be our last date. The best thing you can do here is sticking to Nc 100% and let time and patience heal you.

Most women don't want to be a rebound which would be the case until you're properly over your ex. To be harsh I'd say if a guy started talking about his breakup on our first date,that would be our last date. The best thing you can do here is sticking to Nc 100% and let time and patience heal you.

Yeah that's what I think it is- they don't want to be my rebound so they disappear. I guess I'm going to try hard not to mention it again on a date because otherwise I'm just wasting my time/money.:rolleyes:

Who wants to be a rebound? No one in their right minds, and when a date sees your not in it for the fun, but trying to to get over a bad relationship, they are supposed to back away to a safe distance.

Date for fun, getting to know someone, and pouring out your pain to a stranger, is no fun.

Many who have tried to replace an ex often go through what your going through. If you read the many threads here about people trying to date people, soon after a break up my advice has always been,

Talaniman Rule- Never, ever get involved with a person that still has an ex in the picture.

Clearly your ex is still in the picture. Its shows. And not all dates lead to a second one, but for sure if you take it personally, and many fresh from a break up of a long term relationship, do take what they perceive as a failure at dating, personal, (as you do), then you forget the whole purpose of dating, to have fun getting to know someone, not as a solution to a problem. See the difference?

The first few dates are all about paying full attention, and putting your best foot forward. Not an interview for a wet nurse to get over hurt feelings.

Change the outlook, and actions, and the expectations, then you will get different results, as in having a great time. That requires you to let the past go, at least for a while, and get back to living in the fun of the moment.

But I can imagine in your defense, you were caught off guard by her question, and had no time to think your response thru. Because it was clearly to much, to fast. I think it may be more a testament to those you date, than you being ready to date, or a combination of both.

Its quite possible that the females your dating have their own issues, and thats why it pays to pay attention to get the clues that people have their own baggage, and its seldom about you, thats why you don't take rejection as personal.

The best dates though, are spontaneous, and more about hanging out, than the formal dinner type thing. But don't give up because things don't work out to your advantage, make some attitude adjustments, and enjoy yourself, while staying OUT of a relationship for a while. It helps to be a friend, rather than a potential romantic partner.

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, fat,short, skinny, or tall. 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

That way you don't get so attached, you lose your perspective of fun. Thats what dating is about.

Thanks Tal- I think my attitude has improved as time has gone by- but I still find myself comparing anyone I'm on a date with to my ex. I know I need to knock her off the pedestal but when I'm on dates I get upset inside and wish so bad I was with my ex instead. I also still find myself comparing them looks wise and then a lot of times I'll blow them off because I won't like something or other with the way they look or dress. I guess I'm just going to need more time sadly. :(

You will know if its right.

Heal first. Get your perspective together.

Be open & give people a chance. Qualities.

Plus, don't compare so hard.
After all if your ex was so great, then she wouldn't be your ex.

Thanks Van & Tal- even though she hurt me so bad I don't know why I still compare everyone to her. I mean she did have a perfect face and great body but I have to be a little less shallow I think because inside she was not the greatest of girls. I really don't know if my thoughts are normal? I mean I was at a comedy show with a girl last weekend and I started staring off into space saying to myself what am I doing here with this girl and then little things she would do started annoying me. I started being really cold and distant to her- I'm going to read what you wrote Tal on your dating tips or maybe I should just give myself more alone time.

That's because you are not over your ex.

Once you heal & get emotionally stronger, you will have a whole new perspective on dating.

The bottom line is to have fun with no expectations but that.

How do you think she felt with you cold & distant. See what I mean?
Get rid of that baggage first.

Don't rush. Heal first.