HerOwnPath
Aug 26, 2009, 03:35 PM
This is my first time using the help desk. I have read similar questions from women in situations like mine. The bottom line is... we put ourselves here.
26 months ago I began dating a man who, putting it lightly, misrepresented himself as "divorced". Not long after- under the direct question "Your still married aren't you?"- He folded. Long story short- His wife has contested this for more than 2 years. They had a trial and the visiting judge ruled against him saying that he did not have grounds. (Have to love New York State). He is afraid to tell his lawyers, the judge or his family that his depression led him dangerously close to suicide. Because of his job- he would not let these facts be known. He has been through 3 attorneys and now feels that his only option is to move to Nevada to establish residency and pray that she does not fly out there to contest. His wife is very accustomed to a posh lifestyle and is spending money, racking up credit cards, having MAJOR renovations done to their home and states that she will not divorce him because "God has not told her to sign." She forces their children to read bible verses on adultery, keeps placing photos up of her and her husband and writes and reads a love note to her husband in the presence of the children. This is, no doubt, giving them false hope. No one can move on in this mess and the attorneys say that there is nothing they can do. It seems crazy that a judge would force him to stay married after living more than 2 years outside of the house. I do not want to sound foolish, however, is there more he can do? I feel that he should have been more aggressive and have growing seeds of doubt that he is going through the motions to please me and not really behind the divorce at all.
I am about to ask him to leave until he gets his life straightened out. I just don't want to unjustly place blame if NY contested divorces are really this challenging.
26 months ago I began dating a man who, putting it lightly, misrepresented himself as "divorced". Not long after- under the direct question "Your still married aren't you?"- He folded. Long story short- His wife has contested this for more than 2 years. They had a trial and the visiting judge ruled against him saying that he did not have grounds. (Have to love New York State). He is afraid to tell his lawyers, the judge or his family that his depression led him dangerously close to suicide. Because of his job- he would not let these facts be known. He has been through 3 attorneys and now feels that his only option is to move to Nevada to establish residency and pray that she does not fly out there to contest. His wife is very accustomed to a posh lifestyle and is spending money, racking up credit cards, having MAJOR renovations done to their home and states that she will not divorce him because "God has not told her to sign." She forces their children to read bible verses on adultery, keeps placing photos up of her and her husband and writes and reads a love note to her husband in the presence of the children. This is, no doubt, giving them false hope. No one can move on in this mess and the attorneys say that there is nothing they can do. It seems crazy that a judge would force him to stay married after living more than 2 years outside of the house. I do not want to sound foolish, however, is there more he can do? I feel that he should have been more aggressive and have growing seeds of doubt that he is going through the motions to please me and not really behind the divorce at all.
I am about to ask him to leave until he gets his life straightened out. I just don't want to unjustly place blame if NY contested divorces are really this challenging.