Before anyone concludes the wrong idea. I have no problem at all with my girlfriend turning to God. I'm actually 100% supportive of this.

So, just recently my girlfriend is starting turning herself back to God; Which is great but confusing. We're currently doing the On/off long distance thing because I'm in school, and manage to see each other for a while; every two weeks. In the time between, we talk on the phone every day, video conference and play online games together. The relevance of me explaining this is to convey that we are all about each other even when we're not together

When we are together, I absolutely fancy making love, especially since we haven't seen each other in weeks. It's like a natural reaction filled with the desire to reacquaint our everything. It seriously can't be helped, hugging leads to kissing, which leads to cuddling, then to rubbing, then to full on loving.

She had suggested the other night that ' since we aren't married ' we should not have sex, because The Bible says you shouldn't. I myself wasn't aware of this, but I place faith in her knowledge that what she says has merit.

I'm all right with this, being that my sexual appetite is dwarfed in comparison to hers. She went from making love every time we see each other, to 'Jesus says No' when I joke about it.

I respect her, and her body as well as her beliefs. I'm in no way mad or upset about this change in lifestyle, only confused to what to do when things get hard for one of us in the near future.

Any tips ?

Sorry if I lead to any misconception. We're both religious, she's just more open about it, as where I'm very private.

When I say ' turning back to God ' I guess what I meant to say is... She's suddenly ALL about God. Every post made in face book has ' God ' in it sort of thing. When before it was a light touch in all the right places.

I guess you'll have to wait until after marriage to her to find out if her libido comes back. There aren't many options.

That's not entirely what I'm looking for. Maybe I'm not tailoring my questions right or something..



The issue of sex, isn't really an issue at all for me. However it is for her.. very much so. I'm wondering what would be the best thing to do when something of the 'Her wanting it' comes up?

She has anxiety problems.. so please take into consideration that she's sensitive to response. Last thing I'd want to do is shoot her down if or when she gives in and have her think it's because I don't want her or something



But thanks.

Tread carefully my friend. This sounds exactly like me and my ex about 6 months ago. (We were together about 13 months) We had sex about 3 months into our relationship, and everything was good between us for a couple months. She then went with one of her friends on a church retreat and came back and broke up with me out of the blue. We got back together a couple weeks later. We eventually started having sex again, but then she started gravitating towards the "we should not be doing this since we're not married" opinion. So I was like, that's OK we don't have to have sex if you don't want to. We would then be fooling around and she would want it... and I had to resist it. Then after about a month and a half of that, she was wanting it again, and I had to ask her like 3 times before we did it again if she really wanted to do it... so we did. Anyway, it was good for another 3 months or so, and then we had an argument about religion in general and she broke up with me that night (been over 3 months since the initial break-up... I've been over a month of NC after for 2 months of us being "pseudo-together". And she basically threw it in my face about the whole sex thing... so be careful, even though she may say that she wants it, the religious thoughts are still going to be there. So I guess my advice is to have a long and hard talk about it to avoid any confusion, and see what each person really wants.

Tread carefully my friend. This sounds exactly like me and my ex about 6 months ago. (We were together about 13 months) We had sex about 3 months into our relationship, and everything was good between us for a couple months. She then went with one of her friends on a church retreat and came back and broke up with me out of the blue. We got back together a couple weeks later. We eventually started having sex again, but then she started gravitating towards the "we should not be doing this since we're not married" opinion. So I was like, that's ok we don't have to have sex if you don't want to. We would then be fooling around and she would want it... and I had to resist it. Then after about a month and a half of that, she was wanting it again, and I had to ask her like 3 times before we did it again if she really wanted to do it... so we did. Anyways, it was good for another 3 months or so, and then we had an argument about religion in general and she broke up with me that night (been over 3 months since the initial break-up...i've been over a month of NC after for 2 months of us being "pseudo-together". And she basically threw it in my face about the whole sex thing... so be careful, even though she may say that she wants it, the religious thoughts are still going to be there. So I guess my advice is to have a long and hard talk about it to avoid any confusion, and see what each person really wants.

This is exactly what I'm worried about. I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and I'm a bit sad.. I'm not sure what it was about our discussion just now but it left me confused.

The conversation started fine, I asked how her day was and she went on to tell me that she's been praying a lot to help pacify the anxiety attacks she's been having at work; and that it's been helping a great deal. ~ Which to me is Totally great news.

But later she starts talking about how she's been worried a lot about us. That I'm her strength and courage for so many things, and that we are so happy and connected in the best ways possible and we give each other all of ourselves with all of our love.. and that God should come first, and she's worried that not having him before me is a bad thing.

Jovially I stated that I don't mind at all coming in second place. But she went on to explain that she should be giving all of herself to God, and I think she expects me to do the same in the same sense; as a way of 'togetherness/at oneness'.


I'm concerned.. that this might get out of hand. I don't mind Going to church, or praying together, or even when she's in the sudden mood to talk about how awesome God is; I'm up for it. I'm just unsure how far she wants to go with it..

Could you explain a bit more what the 'God' issue is - excuse me for being slightly thick... is it that you think she will want sex and then regret it, or is it that you're worried that she wants you both to be celibate? Or, is it something else?

Sorry just throwing another angle in here...

Could it be that she's using the "God thing" as an excuse to part company without the guilt?

No, from what I see it is this... She is a Christian, and she feels convicted and guilty that she is sinning. Having pre-marital sex is a sin in religion. It doesn't matter what you think opinion wise, it's a sin. So if you are also a Christian and you think its "ok" to have sex and you don't really have a problem with it, what that is saying to me is, you aren't a strong Christian, at all.. and in return if someone is striving to be a strong Christian and her partner (the man) is weaker than she is in her spiritual walk, then she will gravitate away from you.

Now for you.. your translation "I don't mind Going to church, or praying together, or even when she's in the sudden mood to talk about how awesome God is; I'm up for it. I'm just unsure how far she wants to go with it.."

That basically says in my words. I am a Christian because she has interest in it, and I go to church because "she" wants to go to church, and as long as it leads to having sex then I am fine with doing whatever she wants.

The reality is... if she broke up with you, would you still go to church? Doubtful...

unless I am missing something here, you are just not living for God and she wants to... break up with this girl and move on to someone who has the same worldy views as yourself and this stuff isn't a issue. You will just bring her down, and eventually she will blame you for sinning. If you were a strong christian then you would understand and you would TRY and not have sex for YOU, not just for her... yes.. its hard... but you'd both feel guilty and both want to remain pure.

I Just don't see this one working out... unless you have a spiritual awakening and actually understand what she is all about.

Whether its about God, or having the toilet seat up/down, you communicate with each other to understand each other, and making a plan together, and adjust to each other. How far will she carry this? Only she knows, as she grows and evolves (as will you). Are you down with that??

I strongly suggest more conversations as to how you will allow God to manifest into your lives, and then make a decision whether you can deal with that, or not.

It seems she is a bit deeper into it, than you are, so the question is can you both compromise, and make the right adjustments, that work for you both.

I would ask her what she expects of you. That would be a start.

This is exactly what I'm worried about. I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and I'm a bit sad.. I'm not sure what it was about our discussion just now but it left me confused.

The conversation started out fine, I asked how her day was and she went on to tell me that she's been praying a lot to help pacify the anxiety attacks she's been having at work; and that it's been helping a great deal. ~ Which to me is Totally great news.

But later she starts talking about how she's been worried a lot about us. That I'm her strength and courage for so many things, and that we are so happy and connected in the best ways possible and we give each other all of ourselves with all of our love..and that God should come first, and she's worried that not having him before me is a bad thing.

Jovially I stated that I don't mind at all coming in second place. But she went on to explain that she should be giving all of herself to God, and I think she expects me to do the same in the same sense; as a way of 'togetherness/at oneness'.


I'm concerned.. that this might get out of hand. I don't mind Going to church, or praying together, or even when she's in the sudden mood to talk about how awesome God is; I'm up for it. I'm just unsure how far she wants to go with it..

Wow, it is scary how much that a lot of this was almost verbatim to what my ex was telling me... about the 'giving herself to God, him coming first, etc... ' Are there parents at work behind the scenes here? My ex had what I'll call an average priority towards religion when we first started dating. That's what I would consider mine. Where basically, I believe in God and Jesus Christ, the Bible, and living a life by the Ten Commandments, however there are some things in the Bible that I question, and I will not be a sheep and follow. I mean... I'm not going to start slaughtering and sacrificing animals to God, etc...

My ex was under constant pressure by her parents to become a fully devout Christian, and the way I see it blamed all of her problems in her personal life because she was not focused on God (and in turn with me, who was not as "devout" as they were). And in the end this was the primary thing that caused her to break up with me. With all due respect, I think you can disregard the person who stated earlier that she wanted out guilt free, these are very complicated things, and I know that people can be sincere when they want to focus on God. I tried to do that with her together, but she did not want that... and you know what I wish her the best in that, but it cost her a great guy. **BTW, I am currently doing this for myself**

You need to openly communicate all expectations with her, and be clear that you are committed (if you really are) to pursuing this with her. That will at least lessen your chances that she will randomly break up with you like my ex did.

No, from what I see it is this... She is a Christian, and she feels convicted and guilty that she is sinning. Having pre-marital sex is a sin in religion. It doesn't matter what you think opinion wise, its a sin. So if you are also a Christian and you think its "ok" to have sex and you don't really have a problem with it, what that is saying to me is, you aren't a strong Christian, at all.. and in return if someone is striving to be a strong Christian and her partner (the man) is weaker than she is in her spiritual walk, then she will gravitate away from you.

Now for you.. your translation "I don't mind Going to church, or praying together, or even when she's in the sudden mood to talk about how awesome God is; I'm up for it. I'm just unsure how far she wants to go with it.."

That basically says in my words. I am a Christian because she has interest in it, and I goto church because "she" wants to goto church, and as long as it leads to having sex then I am fine with doing whatever she wants.

The reality is... if she broke up with you, would you still goto church? Doubtful...

unless I am missing something here, you are just not living for God and she wants to... break up with this girl and move on to someone who has the same worldy views as yourself and this stuff isn't a issue. You will just bring her down, and eventually she will blame you for sinning. If you were a strong christian then you would understand and you would TRY and not have sex for YOU, not just for her... yes.. its hard... but you'd both feel guilty and both want to remain pure.

I Just don't see this one working out... unless you have a spiritual awakening and actually understand what she is all about.


After reading your post, I can honestly say I won't be following any of your advice, and have to rate it ty at best. Let me draw it out in crayon for you; incorporating quotations of key words even. My girlfriend and I are beyond happy, we love each other very much. Her and I share the same views on God, it's never an issue. I'm slightly private about my accordance with god, this doesn't make me weak "Dictionary.com" will help you differentiate between the meanings. We balance each other out like that. "She suddenly wants to wait until Marriage to have sex" and I'm all right with that. I'm not rolling with whatever she wants; I'm "respecting" her decision, again I know words are hard, but "dictionary.com" is there for you. Before this choice of hers, She has always been about sex, and I mean "ALWAYS" every day, sometimes twice a day. It would leave me burnt out, especially after a long day of law classes. This choice of hers literally was conjured over the span of 2 days.. We discussed it and she feels that we should be waiting until marriage, and that she's worried that it should be saved until then so that it is to keep it's potency; for lack of a better word. She later explained she had the idea of 'sex before marriage' being wrong, drilled into her head ever since she could remember and of course would feel certain things. I've just recently explained to her that no where in the bible does it say not to have sex before marriage. However it does say that one should not be sexually immoral, and not to add to insult; but moving on to some one else would be just that. I value my manogamous relationship with my girlfriend.


The advice which I was looking for, and after reading over some of these posts; no longer am. Was what should I do/say/when or if she wants to start having sex again.

The advice which I was looking for, and after reading over some of these posts; no longer am. Was what should I do/say/when or if she wants to start having sex again.

You remind her that she is a Christian and has come to the conclusion that premarital sex is wrong.

She's the one that put the ban on sex. She's the one that has decided that it's wrong.

She either is a Christian and wants to lead a Christian life or she wants premarital sex. She can't have both and she's the one that put this restriction into your relationship, why would she rescind it?

The advice which I was looking for, and after reading over some of these posts; no longer am. Was what should I do/say/when or if she wants to start having sex again.
That's something I would ask my future wife, who has those views. I would ask her what she expects you to do if that did happen. Then you would know what's expected of you.

Often times we have questions in our minds, but are afraid to ask, for whatever reason. I suggest you ask her, then you will know what she expects you to do or say, if she indeed wants sex before marriage.

Thats something I would ask my future wife, who has those views. I would ask her what she expects you to do if that did happen. Then you would know whats expected of you.

Often times we have questions in our minds, but are afraid to ask, for whatever reason. I suggest you ask her, then you will know what she expects you to do or say, if she indeed wants sex before marriage.



Pretty much best advice given. Thanks Tal.

Emyth agrees: I agree, However I don't believe pre-martial sex makes some one a weak christian. Those who believe so, should inquire about their own conception before labeling others when often times they themselves know little to nothing about their own beliefs.

I don't think there's anything wrong with pre-marital sex either, but she does. She's the one who said she feels it's wrong.

Wow, this post strikes a resonating chord. So in a nutshell, I dated a Christian. She didn't convert during the relationship. I got her that way. She pushed for sex first, then said it was wrong. I obliged, but she continued to push. The relationship consisted of her doing very non-christian things, but blaming me afterward. I told her I felt guilty for "tempting" her to live this duality of fornicating then crying and feeling sinful. Blah blah blah, we broke up. You know who her next boyfriend was? A satanist. True story. My point is, whatever the hell she does, she is in control of her actions. Do not, I repeat do not let her push any blame or guilt onto you. If she can't keep from sex, but thinks it's the devil's work, tell her to join a nunnery.

I think my ultimate advice would be to refrain from sex no matter what she wants (if you're fooling around and she wants it). Because I have this feeling that she is going to hold it against you if you give in, even if she is wanting it very badly. In my situation (which is almost identical to yours) I think that would have saved, or at least helped our relationship and she would not have broken up with me and semi-blamed me for tempting her, and tempting her away from a Christian life. Although you never know, maybe she would've broken up with me for withholding my goods and the pleasure from her lol. You never know. I would say that my instincts and my experience tell you to NOT give in though if you want to be with this girl long term.