Well recently we've been having trouble at this school, so we've both had to move. We both have to move to different ones but I'm scared I'll loose him to another girl? We've been going out for 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 5 days. I'm lackin' sleep because I keep thinking about it, it's on my mind all the time.

I've spoken to him about it and he says 'don't be silly, I love you. I don't want anybody else, I only want you' but this feels like its not enough? I'm scared about him going as we've had a bad past.

I love him to pieces and it would kill me losing him to somebody else, on top of that I'm a jealous person as well so it doesn't help.

Please help, thank you. :confused:

I've been with this lad for a year, 1 month, 1 week and 5 days. We've had a bad past, he's lied, cheated and hurt me. But we've been over for 1 week and a half without any contact.. this has made us a lot better. He's realised that if he carried on being the way he is that I'm just going to walk out on him and not look back.

I love him will all my heart, I do. But the thing that's making us argue a lot is me not forgetting about the past. He's given me all his passwords, I see all his convosations with friends and he's never flirted or lied since that split up.

I'm wondering if anyone has and ideas to help me. We don't want to split up with each other, but we're going that way if I don't change how I am

Thank you.

I'm not sure you forget the past... it is and should be there to remind you and protect you of the future. This is going to be hard, to learn to rebuild your trust. I would suggest open and honest communication every time you have an issue, and also if you are going to try and trust him again you must let him have his own life. He needs to change his passwords and such.

This is going to be a long process and a slow one as well. Perhaps couples therapy or something. It will just involve day to day work and recognizing your feelings and what sets them off.

No like I don't have his passwords to always check up on him, he has mine and I have his.

And do you know a way I could try and forget the past though? Like try and keep it off my mind? Little things always bring it up and it makes me have arguments with him.

You will never forget the past, you just try and learn to control the emotions that are evoked by the past. That is the best anyone can do.

Love is built on trust, so you really need to trust him if he tells you it will be okay.
Being jealous will always destroy a relationship, no matter how strong the love is, so you really need to keep that in check because if you let that out your only asking for trouble.

If he's going to cheat on you then there is nothing you can do about it, it's just one of those things everyone goes through and it won't be the end of the world.

But if your relationship is strong then I wouldn't worry, but if you are then don't give him any reason to look somewhere else, by being the best girlfriend ever. ;)

No like i don't have his passwords to always check up on him, he has mine and i have his.

And do you know a way i could try and forget the past though? like try and keep it off my mind?? Little things always bring it up and it makes me have arguments with him.

Having passwords to his accounts is useless as he can always create a different account and not let you know. So you'll might as well just trust him.

As far as the past is concerned, I think you should just have self-control. Stop bringing it up so much. It's better to have a private journal and just write everything there. Or to post on boards like this one and get other feedback instead of blabbing out your negative feelings to him.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/why-do-feel-like-390429.html

If I have ever seen any one who needs love, support, and guidance, its you.

You are a normal young person, who needs some questions answered, and be straightened out about a few things you know nothing about.

That's not a bad thing, but often as we grow, we have to deal with the unknown, or situations we have never dealt with before, as new feelings awaken in us, and we need help in dealing with them.

Give yourself a chance to learn, and find a solid female influence that you respect, and trust, who can give you answers your boyfriend cannot.

Have you got any tips on what I should do first? To change me?

I would get you a mentor, to give you honest facts, and some straight up no nonsense advice.

Someone you trust to tell you when your doing something stupid, and should stop it.

Is there someone like that in your life that you trust enough to listen too??

I haven't got no-one like that in my life though.

Are you saying you and your young boyfriend are raising yourselves?

That's kind of sad really, but you need to really stop running away and get some one to help you prepare to grow up the right way, not just your way.

That's why school in important, because teachers can help when parents can't. We all learn from some kind of example figure, that we try to emulate, and follow, that we can trust, and who cares enough to be honest, and not fall for our BS. Why can't someone in your family fill that bill?

They can but I don't like talking about it to them. And no my boyfriend lives with his dad and I live with my mum and dad. They do raise us.

So why are you not listening to them? Why are you skipping school?? What's up with this bad behavior, and the need to change schools? I just don't understand.

Neither do I.

Right before I tell you what's wrong I want to say please don't just come out with 'finish the lad' because that doesn't help me at all. I can't finish him.

Anyway.. I'm going to start from the beging. When me and this Boy started dating it was 14th July 2008. Everything was fine for the 1/2 months of dating. I trusted him and he trusted me, but then the 3rd month came.. I lost my v to him at the beging of the 3rd month, then we started arguing a lot near the middle and then he cheated on me at school with another girl (he kissed her). After all that that's when the problems started to kick in.. He was telling girls there fit, putting x's to them, texting them & phoning them. I started gettind mad at him telling him I don't like it and what not.
6/7 month he told me he was ill and that he couldn't come out. I knew he wasn't ill and that he was out with about 5 girls. When he admitted it the same day, we both split up. We didn't go back out with each other for 3 weeks, in that time. He got with a girl, and I got with a lad. I finish the lad the next day but this Boy was still with that girl. Then 2 weeks on I got with a another lad who was 15. But anyway threw out that the Boy got with the girls sister, and then finished the girls sister for the girl again. We met up before I got with that other lad who was 15 and I kissed the Boy and the girl's sister saw. So thereforen the Boy and that girl never got back together. I was still with this lad and when it had been a week aidan was ringing me and texting me saying he loved me so much and didn't want us to be over, he wants me back.
I finished the lad for the Boy.
Everything was all right for a couple of weeks, but then we started running away.. (he started lying again)
In between running away he started texting this girl called chloe and I didn't like it. He put x's to her and stuff. But one day I told him block her number and he did. But then it was about a week after I got his phone and looked at his texts and he'd been texting her again and one of the text's said 'if I was single and you was single I'd get with you' now till this day I still don't know what he replyed :/.
Anyway one day that aidan ran away, at night he went his ex girlfriends (the girls sister) and slept there.. couple of weeks after he admitted to me that he kissed her but he said that he finished me before he did. But the girls sister say's differently to me.
After all that anyway, here's nearer to about 2 months ago. I was getting in a bad state, crying all the time and stuff. I was banned of seeing him.. He got with another girl a couple of hours later! But that week and half passed.. (we had no contact at all) we met up. And omg he took my breathe away.. Then threw that 2 weeks of being with him I went on his Facebook and I saw emails.. he saw this girl on a bus and she asked him for his 'msn hotmail' and he gave it her.. and he was trying to searh her up on Facebook cause she was 'gawjus' :S. Then I saw another email of the girls sister! Saying that the Boy doesn't love me he loves her! But the Boy said she kept saying that to him but it's not true.

Then about a month ago, he told some girl to meet up with him alone and that.. putting x's to her when it old him not too.. but what got me was that I was on the phone to him as he was saying all that to her saying 'i feel like were going to break up and I don't want too' and he replyed 'no we won't I love you'. So he bascially lied?

ever since that he's done nothing.. not lied once. He said he's changed he only needs a chance to prove it.. but I can't let go of the past? I have his email passwords I'm on them 24/7 and his Facebook. I check EVERYTHING. But I can't keep doing this? I don't know what to do.
he's also moved to a new schooll.. (new girls :/) hmm.. I'm not happy either way I go..
what do I do?

p.s it feels like when he's with me in person he comferts me, just so he can have a shag. Then when he's on msn he's a with me.

please helpp

Dude... this guy has totally played you! If u got back with him, how can you look into his eyes and say I love you when you know what he's done? He does not deserve you or your tim, because he will find a way to screw you over again and again. Let him be the stud in his new school. Would he have done any of this in the first place? NO. I know its hard to move on, but it will be totally worth it

In your previous threads you ve mentioned feeling low:how are you coping with this now?

I'm feeling crap. All I do day to day is cry my eyes out. I try my best for him, he goes moody when I say don't add people on Facebook but I can't help he's made me this way. I just feel like at the end of the day I want to end my life :(

How old are you again? I thought in one of your other posts you said you were 14, is that right? Even if I'm off a year or two, you're too young to be this hung up over a boy. You both still have so much growing up to do. So you can make a choice. You can decide now whether you are going to allow yourself to be treated like crap the rest of your life or not. Are you going to allow this guy to keep walking all over you or not? If you let him keep walking all over you then what happens when he leaves for good and you end up with some other guy who can't respect you enough to commit to you? You'll already be so used to it that you'll more than likely just allow the cycle to continue. So stop it now. Dump this guy for good and move on. Focus on school. Focus on extra curriculars. Find a new hobby. Work on raising yourself confidence and self esteem and when you've done that find a guy who is actually worth your time.

It loooks so easy on words but so hard when u come to it. :(
And yeah I'm 14, 15 next year.

Maybe this is a good thing, so you can learn from this experience, and not be distracted from what you need to do for yourself.

I really don't know many 14 year olds who stay with the same guy forever, and plus the fact you may have put too much on being with this guy.

Break ups are hard though, for all of us, not just you but we all had to learn to cope with our hurt feelings and get on with our lives.

It will get better later, no matter how it seems now to you.

But I can't cope with my 'emoticons' as well as other people :/

Very few people start being able to cope with their emotions. That's something we learn as we go. Experiences make us learn, and that's where you are, in the position of learning how to cope with yourself.

I'm 55, and still learning things. Learning is a lifetime thing, as no one will ever know it all, but we can use what we learn to make things a lot better for ourselves.

What? You thought this was as easy as I make it look?? I already know its easier said than done, but the key is to learn to cope, no matter how hard it may seem now.

We learn and grow for our experiences. You're 14 years old and your heart has been broken. Trust me... this might be the first time but odds are it won't be the last.

Hun... get tough and suck it up. Be strong and resolved. You will move on, you will find another mate, you will love again.

I've finished him, what do I do now? :(

Stick to it. Don't call him, text him, email him, anything at all anymore. Focus on you. Take a break from dating for awhile.

What if he says he wants to be friends? But he won't tell me what he's up to or whose he going out with?

Don't be his friend. Don't talk to him. Just walk your own path.

Remember... this isn't about what you lost, you're the prize. It's what he has lost and that's you.

I think what you do is to completely leave him alone, until your completely over him, and the hurt, and shock of the break up (that we all feel, and must go thru). For a while, you must ignore him, so you can stay out of his business, and he out of yours, so don't worry about being friends now.

If you don't, you will always be looking to get back with him, and be distressed when that doesn't happen.

Read the stickies, they explain a lot about NC- No Contact, and there is a link in my signature.

what if he says he wants to be friends? but he wont tell me what hes up to or whose he going out with?

This isn't about him. It's about you. You need to recover from this experience first. Until you've recovered, he's going to have to be left out of your life. It doesn't matter what he's doing anymore, because you have more important things to worry about, like yourself. You need to put yourself first and stop worrying about his life. Otherwise, it's only going to prolong your pain and suffering.

You need to completely ignore him and pretend he doesn't even exist. Every time you talk to him, it's just going to cause more confusion and take longer to recover.

Follow the no contact rules:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

Fight the urges to break the rules:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

I went on his Facebook and found out he's been telling this lad he likes this girl.
So I went sick and I've changed his msn password and changed his fb password.
I also deleted all his friends on it

Really? Now think about that. What have you accomplished? You've probably irritated him. And you've made yourself look incredibly selfish. So, how about this, set his passwords back. Hopefully he'll change them himself so you can't even be tempted to pull the same stunt a second time. And then go block him on all of your things so you don't even have to be tempted to talk to him when he is on because you won't even know. And you won't see anything he posts. And vice versa. No more unnecessary drama. You can do better than that.

Right before i tell you whats wrong i want to say please don't just come out with 'finish the lad' because that doesn't help me at all. I can't finish him.

Anyway.. I'm going to start from the beging. When me and this Boy started dating it was 14th July 2008. Everything was fine for the 1/2 months of dating. I trusted him and he trusted me, but then the 3rd month came.. I lost my v to him at the beging of the 3rd month, then we started arguing alot near the middle and then he cheated on me at school with another girl (he kissed her). After all that thats when the problems started to kick in.. he was telling girls there fit, putting x's to them, texting them & phoning them. I started gettind mad at him telling him i don't like it and what not.
6/7 month he told me he was ill and that he couldn't come out. I knew he wasn't ill and that he was out with about 5 girls. When he admited it the same day, we both split up. We didn't go back out with each other for 3 weeks, in that time. He got with a girl, and i got with a lad. I finish the lad the next day but this Boy was still with that girl. Then 2 weeks on i got with a another lad who was 15. But anyway threw out that the Boy got with the girls sister, and then finished the girls sister for the girl again. We met up before i got with that other lad who was 15 and i kissed the Boy and the girl's sister saw. So thereforen the Boy and that girl never got back together. I was still with this lad and when it had been a week aidan was ringing me and texting me saying he loved me so much and didn't want us to be over, he wants me back.
I finished the lad for the Boy.
Everything was alright for a couple of weeks, but then we started running away.. (he started lying again)
In between running away he started texting this girl called chloe and i didn't like it. He put x's to her and stuff. But one day i told him block her number and he did. but then it was about a week after i got his phone and looked at his texts and he'd been texting her again and one of the text's said 'if i was single and you was single i'd get with you' now till this day i still don't know what he replyed :/.
Anyway one day that aidan ran away, at night he went his ex girlfriends (the girls sister) and slept there.. couple of weeks after he admited to me that he kissed her but he said that he finished me before he did. but the girls sister say's differently to me.
After all that anyway, heres nearer to about 2 months ago. I was getting in a bad state, crying all the time and stuff. I was banned of seeing him.. He got with another girl a couple of hours later! but that week and half passed.. (we had no contact at all) we met up. And omg he took my breathe away.. Then threw that 2 weeks of being with him i went on his facebook and i saw emails.. he saw this girl on a bus and she asked him for his 'msn hotmail' and he gave it her.. and he was trying to searh her up on facebook cause she was 'gawjus' :S. Then i saw another email of the girls sister! saying that the Boy doesnt love me he loves her! but the Boy said she kept saying that to him but it's not true.

Then about a month ago, he told some girl to meet up with him alone and that.. putting x's to her when it old him not too.. but what got me was that i was on the phone to him as he was sayin all that to her saying 'i feel like were gonna break up and i don't want too' and he replyed 'no we wont i love you'. so he bascially lied?

ever since that he's done nothing.. not lied once. he said he's changed he only needs a chance to prove it.. but i can't let go of the past? i have his email passwords i'm on them 24/7 and his facebook. I check EVERYTHING. but i can't keep doing this? i don't know what to do.
he's also moved to a new schooll.. (new girls :/) hmm.. i'm not happy either way i go..
what do i do?

p.s it feels like when hes with me in person he comferts me, just so he can have a shag. then when hes on msn he's a with me.

please helpp
Do you know that life at 14 could be so much more fun than what you are doing?These are the best times of life when the foundation of your entire life is built.You are missing out on all that by brooding over somebody whom you yourself know isn't worth it?As far as I can see,he's not missing out at all(not that I call his way of life fun at all.At best,it can be called immature and MAYBE,a phase of growing up where he's probably learing something about relationships and love etc.At least I hope so).

The answer to your question "What to do?" is simply,forget about everything related to this guy,all guys,relationships etc etc for the time being and open up to this wonderful world and its wide range of experiences.Go out,make new friends,learn new stuff,enrich your mind and life by doing new things,losing yourself in nature,knowing who you are--basically,preparing yourself for an adventuruous,exciting life ahead.14 never comes back.

i went on his facebook and found out hes been telling this lad he likes this girl.
so i went sick and ive changed his msn password and changed his fb password.
i also deleted all his friends on it


Now that's a bit childish wouldn't you agree?

Just want to say that this post doesn't matter anymore, I've found out that I didn't love him. I only thought I did, I was obssesed with him.
I've got a new boyfriend now and he's got a new girlfriend.
I still don't have contact with him and he has no contact with me.
I feel 100% better.

That's good to hear. Have you learned anything from your last relationship that you can bring into this one to make it better?

I just hope you have fun, and don't grow so dependent on him to make you happy.

Happiness, and fun, are to be shared, and are not a solution, or distraction, from life, or what you do for yourself.

Yeah I've learned not to let a lad walk over me, if they lie or cheat once about a girl then its over- no chances. I'm not being played a fool anymore


Becase I choose not to listen

I merged your two threads so that we can follow your story.

I'm glad that you've learned from this experience. You've made significant progress since your first post. Just keep moving forward with your life!

Thank you :)

I'd just like to say thank you to all the people that commented on my problems and helped me out. You've really turned my life around and I'm thankful for that, I don't even want to know what I'd be like now if I never took any advise.

My life is really starting to open up, I'm moving to my new school soon and I've made a lot of friends, I made friends with the old ones too and become a lot closer to them. Some don't forgive me but I do understand why they're like that, I've told them that whenever the next see me I bet I'm still not with him. My cousin has really been there for me too, she's been asking me to come out with her for a cuppa after work and go in town with her :).

For his life, he's moved on. He's had two girlfriends in 3 weeks, so I say goodluck to him and his future. I have had no contact with 'him' since the split up, he tried to get in contact with me in a sneeky way but I just told him to do1 basically. I'd never go back to the way I was, it was horrible and I wouldn't ever wish anybody that pain.

The lad I was with after I finished 'him' I finished him last week. I've never been single for over a month since I've been a teenager, I don't even feel like a teenager so this is my time to start fresh, be single and have a laugh with friends. I don't want commitment I'm only 14 years old, oh and that's another thank you to you'se who said don't have baby at my age, I'm glad I never because he's out of my life and I have no 'baby' or thing to remind me of him. He's no excuse to turn around to me and say we have to speak.

Anyway thank you for all your support and advise, I'm a lot happyer person.
Thank you so much xxx

Thank you and I'm happy you re feeling so good.