I've been engaged for nearly 3 years but I have no confidence in what I "have...I" find my person frequently looking at other men in my presence then denying "it." I am short (5' 1") and when I pressed earlier in the relationship she said that that is what I like, tall, six packs, fit... but you have other qualities that I like, so it is not a requirement, just my preference. I became very angry and broke away a few times, but she called me and we talked. In marriage counseling, I present this problem to the counselor and his last word this week was, I was simply insecure and people can look at whom they wish. With her denial and his giving a clinical OK to it, I am being forced to walk away- it hurts too much. I am a little overweight as*she is, but I find her looking at other taller men with desire and me with a kind of 'when are you going to lose weight'. I hate it. I don’t know what to do. It has effect how I view myself next to other taller more fit men now. I’ve never had this anxiety before. I had been previously married over a decade, my ex-wife was 5’11” and I never worried about this or was made to feel self-conscious about it.

Well your fiancé can look at other people you can't stop that, but try talking to her about it tell her how insecure it makes you feel and that it is really bugging you. How tall is your fiancé? She shouldn't be making you feel bad for being short and "a little overweight" she should be loving you for who you are not what you are. Why haven't you tied the knot yet anyway?

Yeah - why would you be engaged for three years? Get hitched already.

In marriage counseling, I present this problem to the counselor and his last word this week was, I was simply insecure and people can look at whom they wish. With her denial and his giving a clinical OK to it, I am being forced to walk away- it hurts too much.

Not understanding what's hurting you except yourself. Maybe you should walk away and get some help just for yourself.



I find her looking at other taller men with desire and me with a kind of 'when are you going to lose weight'. I hate it.

I think your own insecurities are making you read your fiancés' "looks in such a way.

I’ve never had this anxiety before. I had been previously married over a decade, my ex-wife was 5’11” and I never worried about this or was made to feel self-conscious about it.

You seem very angry. It is nobody's fault you are not tall, or she casually look other people. What do you want? Do you want to stretch yourself to 5'11" or blind her? Get over it, and focus on your love & pending happy marriage. You are freaking out everybody pointlessly. In terms, you are creating an issue not anybody else. Who cares about the height, if there is better quality? She chose you to marry not your height. If your height bothered her too much, she would not pursue you.
For over weight though, it is harmful for you, and your health. I am not too tall either, and always conscious about my weight, try to stay in the same weight constantly since age 20. Yes, it requires extra effort, but is worth it. When we are not too tall, it is hard to hide 'the extra pounds'. :) Stop being angry, but do something for yourself not for others.

Why are you guys still not married after 3 yrs of engagement? It is very odd to me. If you drag it too long, it kills excitement.

Couples have a life without the other person, they will have all sorts of friends, unless you feel good about yourself, you can not feel good about a relationship

Confidence is, in my opinion, the most attractive quality in a person. Something to think about.

You need to realize that human beings are visual people, we are not blind and we are going to look. It doesn't mean we don't find out spouse attractive, it simply means it's "eye candy"

I'm engaged, almost a year in September and I look at other females, but I wouldn't stray and wouldn't think about it because what I have at home has more qualities and more of a connection that any girl I may look at.

You need to get help, for yourself because right now you are a cancer to any relationship with being this insecure.

It sounds like you have low self esteem, now it IS something you can change not just through attitude but by working on yourself, hit a gym and hit it had and do it for at least 6 months before you see some results. Then keep going. Men look at women who are in shape don't they? They like nice bodies, well women are no different. After a while she'll stop looking at other men and start thinking "maybe I should get is shape" when she sees women looking at you! A little jealously can be a good thing, she will know that you can get some else where if needbe. It'll work, try it!