OK, so I have a four year old son by my ex boyfriend. He has only seen him one time when he was three months old and that wa because I happened to be at his parents house and he showed up. He has expressed to me many times that he wants nothing to do with the child and I am completely OK with this. I got a paternity test through the courts because he kept saying that my son wasn't his and I wanted to prove to him that he was. With this also comes the child support hearing. He never pays his child support in a regular fashion. He only pays it when the courts try to suspend his license. I got an email two years ago because I got his tax return because he is so far behind but that is the last time I have heard from him. I recently tried to email him but he doesn't have the same email address anymore.

I have since married and I want to change my sons last name to my married name. I have two other children with my husband and Landon calls my husband daddy and doesn't know any different. I asked my ex to sign over his rights so my husband can adopt him and he said he would but that I had to excuse child support first. I told him that I wouldn't do that till the papers were signed because I know what kind of person he is and he would screw me. Well I haven't heard from him since. I heard from a friend of mine that hangs out with his brother that he moved out of state a while ago.

So my question is, in Ohio, do I have to have the fathers consent to change my sons name? And if yes, what do I do if I can't find him? He starts preschool next week and they said they have to go by the name on the birth certificate, but that isn't the name that Landon knows or goes by. HELP!

Thanks!

You start by getting a lawyer---and by telling your son WHY he has to use a different name in pre-school.

There's no WAY you are going to take care of this in a WEEK.

Yeah, I know I'm not getting it done in a week and I'm not telling my son anything, he is 4 he's not going to understand, nor does he need to know any of this.

Actually, studies have shown that adopted children--including those adopted by stepparents--adapt better if they know from the beginning.

You DO need the biological father's permission to change his name, though--so you really probably should get a lawyer.

Thanks for actually answering my question this time. I know in some states if they parent is absent and you don't know where they are and its been a certain amount of time the judge will grant it; but I wasn't sure if Ohio was one of those states and I can't find a site that will tell me either way.

I will not tell Landon till he is old enough to understand or he realizes there is a difference... till then, there is no need to confuse him or possibly hurt the relationship between him and my husband. If he comes to me one day and says I know daddy isn't really my daddy, then I will do whatever he wishes. If he wants to find his real dad then so be it I will help in any way that I can, but not a minute before that will he ever know any different.

thanks for actually answering my question this time. I know in some states if they parent is absent and you dont know where they are and its been a certain amount of time the judge will grant it; but i wasnt sure if ohio was one of those states and i can't find a site that will tell me either way.

i will not tell Landon till he is old enough to understand or he realizes there is a difference...till then, there is no need to confuse him or possibly hurt the relationship between him and my husband. If he comes to me one day and says I know daddy isnt really my daddy, then i will do whatever he wishes. If he wants to find his real dad then so be it I will help in any way that i can, but not a minute before that will he ever know any different.

Each state's procedure for locating absent parents and what level needs to be raised for which action(Name change, adoption, etc) is different and a local lawyer will be able to best detail exactly what needs to be done in your case.

The other thing to consider is that if he has fled and is hiding from you, you could probably do the adoption without his consent (with the aid of a lawyer of course) and not have to waive the back support.

I realize this is in family law, and this is not a legal answer, but one from experience. Your child should know from the get go about this. He is not to young to understand. My husband is an adoptee and it was never kept from him. When I say never, I mean never.

When the child begins to ask questions it's too late. At that point the child may feel that you have been lying to him all along and may lose trust in you. These young years, in psychology, are called Trust vs Mistrust. He must learn to trust you early so that the relationship is not jeapordized later in life.