Hello, this is going to be a long story so everyone prepare...

I started dating this guy about 2 years ago, and we were definite soul mates. He told me he loved me and we were perfect, there were always little comments he would make about other girls, but it didn't bother me too much because I knew it was all talk.
about 6 months into the relationship, we had gone out one night and I needed to use his cell phone, just as he handed it to me he received a text from this girl that said "i would you all day long you dont even know, can't wait to see you"... he actually started crying about it because he felt so bad, he said it was just talk between him and this girl.. blah blah.. and he would stop. And it did.
after that two months later, a month after valentines ( and there was nothing wrong in our relationship ) st. patricks day* we were supposed to go out this one night, he told me he was tired and he was just going to go to bed and stay in. at 10pm that night he called to say he was heading to the bar... anyway that night I tried calling his cell phone a couple times and there was no reply. A couple days after he went out to the bar I received a message from this girl who explained that they left the bar together and went to his friends house where they proceeded to have sex. He stopped and said he couldn't because he had a girlfriend.. he drove her home the next day and never talked to her again. I told him that she was telling me this and he made up a big story about her... anyway as time went by after this I remember in the summer we would get into fights about this event I would say that I knew he had cheated and he would scream and yell at me and call me nuts because I was wrong. He would go out to the bar with his friends occasionally but usually only when we got into fights. And I always have had this gut feeling those times he went out he cheated. I would check his phone every chance I could and I would see long distance numbers he had called, and received, and a bunch of random numbers that weren't in his contacts on his cell.. . we started to get better near November 08 and we went on a really nice trip together. In December he was over at my place and he ended up leaving his email opened so I looked. I found out he was on a dating site. Plentyoffish? You.. anyway so I logged into his dating profile. He hadn't put a picture on it. And there weren't any inbox messages, or sent messages from it. But he did have in it saying " he was looking for a new sweetie"... he had opened this account in September... when I confronted him about it he said he was drunk and his buddy told him he was on it so he did it for a joke. Anyway obviously I didn't believe it either. Anyway so now its jan o9 and we were planning on moving to australia for a bit, I was in between moving and I had seen another email to his buddy saying " hey man im headed to australia you should deffinately come with, we could get some good jobs down ther and we would definately get the women dude"... ( I TOLD U THIS IS A LONG STORY) anyway I never did confront him about that I just asked him if he told any of his buddies that WE were going to australia together...
so now in April 09 we went to australia had a great time came back to canada... and I was sitting on the computer when I received a message from the girl from st patricks day. She asked if I was still with the loser and if he had ever told the truth. So right then and there I called him and told him I wasn't going to talk to him anymore until he fessed up.. and after a little bit of talking he told me that it was true, that he was sorry and it was the worst thing he had ever done, and that he never told me because he knew iw ould have left him right then and there, and that he would never do it again and it was the only time. He begged and begged for me to stay with him that he wanted to marry me and that I was the love of his life. We fought a lot after this... but soon got better. Now that everything was open we seemed to grow closer. But my only problem is that I am finding myself wondering about the other times that I had gut feelings about him cheating if they were true. He worked with my friend for a bit and when he had admitted to me about cheating he told my friend matt that he had been caught, but there were a bunch of others because it was easy he knew a lot of people in barrie. I asked him about it and he denied it. So now I am sitting here thinking everyday how many more times were there? And how do I get over the first time that I know about, and about the numbers in his phone.
my boyfriend is a great guy but he has issues, he is becoming a police officer. So I like to tell myself a joke... never trust a cop... or should I ? What should a do, and how can I get over the past because I love him so much, and we are still together but the past is truly haunting! Pleaaaase advice!

I am sorry to hear all of this but I think your right to trust your gut feelings. The fact that he did it once to you and lied about it should be enough to move on. If he loved you why would he bed another? Was he thinking of you while he was getting his kicks with her? Find a man who respects you, won't cheat or lie to you.

Obviously he has done things that give you reasons not to trust him. That's understandable, but without trust there's no relationship. Do you think this is a relationship that you can salvage? I think you should start with some counseling. Sort out your thoughts and feelings.

I am sorry, I'm not trying to argue, I guess I'm only arguing with myself, because I want to believe it was only once. Part of me believes, but he did stop having sex with the girl, it lasted about 30 seconds and he said he couldn't do it. I know it's the intent and I know he did it. But I love him so much. And I am just trying to figur out how I can get over it. I guess people just can't get over things like that. :(

Sunflower is right too. You should find a man that respects you. No respectable man cheats on his girlfriend.

Is it true love you feel. Or is it you don't want to be alone? Did he ever mention marriage before? Or was it because he was caught and felt guilty.

I'm sorry for your pain-however please see that this man is playing you.do you want to stay in a relationship where you most of the time wonder what's going on? He is basically a waste of time;space etc and I would say:leave him.leave him and get your life back.all the best.

Not to mention he has these women texting him and calling him? What will it be like once he is in uniform? I would guess it will be worse. Have respect for YOURSELF and get out. I am sure it will happen again. He sounds way to shady to me.

Not to be rude but I really can't sympathize here. One of those stories that leaves one scratching their head.

First and foremost he cheated on you. Also, this plenty of fish site, messages from girls, his buddies comments, what's themystery exactly??

Oh sure, he did it once and it lasted 30 seconds. The ONLY time I suppose he was not thinking of you and how much he values you as a person. The writing is on the wall. If he cheated once and you have all these suspicions and actual visuals to support them than I say it's a safe bet to assume it's happened more than just the once.

I guess if your content with being treated like this than good for you, I wish you well either way. Also, you'll not find anyone without issues, but perhaps you may luck out and find one that can at least treat you with respect.

I had never experienced any sign of distrust in him until he cheated. After that since he didn't admitt to it, it just ran through my head that he was always cheating, I don't know if it was just me being paranoid, or if he had actually been unfailful more than once. He had told me before he admitted that he was excited for our lives together and that he did want to marry me. We always get along, its just we have moments like all couples, but my problem was that sometimes when I would see random numbers on his phone it would just bring it all up again and start a fight. Now currently he still promises it was the only time. My problem now is I love him to death. I know I do, I just want to figure out how to get rid of the sick feeling from knowing he cheated.

Well look at it this way, he only admitted it when he was caught. What's that tell you? How many others are there that you won't ever hear about? One girl came to you about it. You should thank her.

Hmmm he only cheated for 30 seconds... give me a freaking break. Some days all its take is 30 seconds for my husband. He cheated. Period. Done.

You, I know, that's exactly what I think. Its just hard to thro away everything. Thank you for your advice, I think I just needed to hear from someone else that my instincts are true.

What does it really matter how many times? The initial betrayal and damage that is associated with it is already done. How do you get over it? You don't, nor should you.

IF you are truly madly in Love with him than I doubt he feels the same way, proposing to you does not wash away anything. I do not believe that the phrase true love and cheating can stand together.

Of course it's hard to throw away everything. It's never easy, doesn't mean it's not the right decision.

Hardest thing to do is make changes. But sometimes that change can open better doors.

Surely you wouldn't stay together just because it may take more work to leave? Mentally this has been quite taxing and stressful on you, as it will continue to be. I can't imagine having to wonder everyday of your life whether your love is out doing God knows what. What could possibly be worse?

I just wanted to add that I suggested counseling, not to help you with your relationship, but to help you. Being cheated on ruins yourself esteem. I'm sure it would help so you're not carrying this around with you and having a hard time trusting people in general.

we are still together but the past is truly haunting! Pleaaaase advice!
Stop living together, not for his sake but yours. I think removing yourself from this whole situation will let you see the facts and not something that's clouded by this great love you think you have.

Not easy, and it is darn hard, but that's what you need, some reality to learn what a healthier love will do for you.

What you have now is not healthy at this time.

All I have to say about this is that if he has done it once he is going to do it again. He sees it as if he can get away with it he is going to do until you say enough. You need to find yourself a man who is going to appriciate you and love you, and trust me there is some one out there. If you decide to stay with him just reamember that saying "fool me once shame on you" Fool me Twice Shame on me" just reamber you're a beautifull, woman and you deserve better than coming home and finding out you catched an STD... I wish you the best

I just read this thread and all I can see is a girl that tried and a guy that didn't. That means you succeeded and he failed. Now, you're the one hurting and confused and the only way to change that is get rid of the failure holding you back in life.

Sorry, but he sounds like trouble. (Glad you had a nice time in Australia though!)

You've even been warned by another woman that he's a louse, and you refuse to trust your intuition. Sure you love him and you think he's your soul mate - but listen - your guts are telling you everything you need to know.

I don't think that he's trustworthy - or, at least worthy of YOUR trust.

You don't need this man in your life.he s trouble.