Hi my name is sid from CA!I have been going down this path with my ex girl friend and soon to be year old daughter!I filed court papers to get a dna test and child support and Visitation!The judge let me get a dna test and it came back that the girl was mine.I had been seeing our baby since she was four and a half months.So the judge had told us that we had to go to the help center and try and work it out and if if did not work out then me and her would go back to court!So I said that I would pay her some child support and that was the fist thing that I would do,but it seem like she had not Idea that we would be going on a ca Visitation timetable so I told her that we could go home and talk about and then come back to fill this out.So we agree to come back in and make the order final!So it seem like it was the dumbest thing to do because she would not come back to finish and we had a mouth for the dead line.So we had to go back to the court to come to a final agreement and she never showed up and now we have trial.So how can I ask for Visitation?I had told her 3 month ago that I was moving 3 and half hour away because rent is cheaper and I got a bigger house to where I can do more thing with our baby!And she seem to say no matter what she will not let our baby stay with me.

If you don't agree on a custody/ visitation order you have to go to mediation before the judge can make a decision (no trial before mediation) if you are in California. You said you are in CA, which is California, correct?

If you don't agree on a custody/ visitation order you have to go to mediation before the judge can make a decision (no trial before mediation) if you are in California. You said you are in CA, which is California, correct?
Yes that's right!

Yes thats right!

Fine. Then what I said holds.

You mentioned something about a "CA visitation timetable", which doesn't exist (unless you are calculating timeshare). That's why I was confused.

Fine. Then what I said holds.

You mentioned something about a "CA visitation timetable", which doesn't exist (unless you are calculating timeshare). That's why I was confused.
What do you mean it does not exist?

What do you mean it does not exist?
And what is a calculating timeshare

What do you mean it does not exist?

What's a "visitation timetable"? I've been a lawyer in California for 20 years, I'm a Certified Family Law Specialist, and I've been practicing family law for 7 years, and I don't know what you are talking about. It doesn't make any sense.

and what is a calculating timeshare

To calculate child support you need to know what percentage of time the kids are with each parent. That's timeshare.

What's a "visitation timetable"? I've been a lawyer in California for 20 years, I'm a Certified Family Law Specialist, and I've been practicing family law for 7 years, and I don't know what you are talking about. It doesn't make any sense. You know the ca visitation Schedule

You know the ca visitation Schedule

There is no such thing. I don't know what you are talking about.

Let's do it this way. Where did you hear about this and what does it mean to you?

[QUOTE=cadillac59;1934960]To calculate child support you need to know what percentage of time the kids are with each parent. That's timeshare.[/QUOTE So the thing is how well that play with the fact that I live 3 hour away!

[QUOTE=cadillac59;1934960]To calculate child support you need to know what percentage of time the kids are with each parent. That's timeshare.[/QUOTE So the thing is how well that play with the fact that I live 3 hour away!

It's doesn't matter if you live 10,000 miles away. When are the kids with you and when are they with her. That's all there is to it. Add up the hours and figure it out as a percentage.

There is no such thing. I don't know what you are talking about.

Let's do it this way. Where did you hear about this and what does it mean to you?

Lol!! What do you mean what does it mean LolOk lets do it this way for you (Parent A's time with the child is indicated by solids.)

(A) Birth to 12 months
Mon
Tue
Wed
Thur
Fri
Sat
Sun
8am
9am
10am
11am
Noon
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm

Does this ring a bell??

[QUOTE=Useritson;1934973]

It's doesn't matter if you live 10,000 miles away. When are the kids with you and when are they with her. That's all there is to it. Add up the hours and figure it out as a percentage.I I see where you are getting you must mean how much I will pay her for support I will pay her what ever!! Just need to know how I can ask to get my kid!

[QUOTE=cadillac59;1934978]I see where you are getting you must mean how much I will pay her for support I will pay her what ever!!!!Just need to know how I can ask to get my kid!

You have to file a motion with the court to obtain orders on custody and visitation. That's how you get access to your child.

[QUOTE=Useritson;1934987]

You have to file a motion with the court to obtain orders on custody and visitation. That's how you get access to your child.Ok I see what you mean so what is this court date for that I have coming up?

[QUOTE=cadillac59;1934996]Ok I see what you mean so what is this court date for that I have coming up?

I don't know what it is. You said it was a trial.

[QUOTE=Useritson;1935001]

I don't know what it is. You said it was a trial.

That's just what the paper says!We were to have a mandatory settlement conference not held.So now it says there well be a 1 hour trial!

Lol!!!What do you mean what does it mean LolOk lets do it this way for you (Parent A's time with the child is indicated by solids.)

(A) Birth to 12 months
Mon
Tue
Wed
Thur
Fri
Sat
Sun
8am
9am
10am
11am
Noon
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm

Does this ring a bell????????

No.

No.
Ok I'm sure it does not smart guy!But what does?

Ok im sure it does not smart guy!But what does?

I'm done with you. Bye.

I'm done with you. Bye.

Wow your getting mad at me and you are the one being smart with me.

Wow your getting mad at me and you are the one being smart with me.

No, Cadillac, has been trying to help you, but you have not been helping him to do so.

What you posted is not some official, legally proscribed document. That's what he has been trying to get through to you. Generally, a visitation schedule is not that specific, though sometimes it can be. Since you CHOSE to move 3.5 hours away a daily schedule is impractical. And since the child is so young, overnights may also be impractical at this time.

So you may need to set a schedule where you see her for a few hours once a week. As she gets older you can go for alternate weeks until she start school, then you can go for alternate weekends. You can build these things into the court order.

The second part of your question is that you need to have a court order custody, support and visitation. The court apparently told you to try and work something out that you both can agree to. It seems that you were unable to do so so you now need to go to court for a hearing where you will each present your case as to custody and visitation. The judge will then rule according to what the court feels is the best interests of the child.

I would advise you to get an attorney to help you prepare the petitions and motions to submit to the court. Especially if the mother has an attorney to represent her.

No, Cadillac, has been trying to help you, but you have not been helping him to do so.

What you posted is not some official, legally proscribed document. That's what he has been trying to get through to you. Generally, a visitation schedule is not that specific, though sometimes it can be. Since you CHOSE to move 3.5 hours away a daily schedule is impractical. And since the child is so young, overnights may also be impractical at this time.

So you may need to set a schedule where you see her for a few hours once a week. As she gets older you can go for alternate weeks until she start school, then you can go for alternate weekends. You can build these things into the court order.

The second part of your question is that you need to have a court order custody, support and visitation. The court apparently told you to try and work something out that you both can agree to. It seems that you were unable to do so so you now need to go to court for a hearing where you will each present your case as to custody and visitation. The judge will then rule according to what the court feels is the best interests of the child.

I would advise you to get an attorney to help you prepare the petitions and motions to submit to the court. Especially if the mother has an attorney to represent her.I was told that you guys hate to be wrong!Its like why did he not just say that what you just told me!Like you just gave me what I wanted to know!I have talked to a few lawers and
They told me when she starts to eat food there is a good way to get her for a least one weekend a mouth!But he could have said something like not it's this way or no that's not right and since you Since you CHOSE to move 3.5 hours away no he was just saying to words and now he was trying to help no damn way!

I was told that you guys hate to be wrong!Its like why did he not just say that what you just told me!Like you just gave me what I wanted to know!I have talked to a few lawers and
They told me when she starts to eat food there is a good way to get her for a least one weekend a mouth!But he could have said something like not it's this way or no thats not right and since you Since you CHOSE to move 3.5 hours away no he was just saying to words and now he was trying to help no damn way!

You are getting help for free and you choose to question the manner in which it is given? If you don't like how a PROFESSIONAL LAWYER is giving you FREE help, go pay someone to give it to you like you want it.

You are getting help for free and you choose to question the manner in which it is given? If you dont like how a PROFESSIONAL LAWYER is giving you FREE help, go pay someone to give it to you like you want it.Oh OK I see because it's free that's it sorry and thank you for all your help!

Oops.

Oops.What happen you here to to take there side too!It's free so they can act like a .

What happen you here to to take there side too!It's free so they can act like a .

It's not about sides, but your attitude is very defensive and disrespectful.

It won't do you well in court and it won't do you well in parenting.

People are here to help, I didn't read anything to be defensive about.

It's not about sides, but your attitude is very defensive and disrespectful.

It won't do you well in court and it won't do you well in parenting.

People are here to help, I didn't read anything to be defensive about.
Lol!man my friend just told me this and he is saying let it go because you will get baned trying to tell the experts anything.I mean read how I was asking I did not have a attitude then ScottGem tell me what I wanted to know right off the bat!Yeah I could go and pay for a lawyer who only take your money when all you need to know what you are doing .But come on he was trying to be smart about but if I was being smart to him then you guys still would have tried ban me.

Lol!man my friend just told me this and he is saying let it go because you will get baned trying to tell the experts anything.I mean read how I was asking I did not have a attitude then ScottGem tell me what I wanted to know right off the bat!Yeah I could go and pay for a lawyer who only take your money when all you need to know what you are doing .But come on he was trying to be smart about but if I was being smart to him then you guys still would have tried ban me.But I just want to let it go because you guys might not have had your coffee and donuts today and I want to ask the nice guy that was telling something good so you are right!

If you don't agree on a custody/ visitation order you have to go to mediation before the judge can make a decision (no trial before mediation) if you are in California. You said you are in CA, which is California, correct?
Hey sorry about yesterday man I did not mean to get you mad I was think you were someone else!I see that you gave me the right answer the first time I was wrong about the way that I was acting!

You don't seem to get it... this isn't about arguing with an expert or right or wrong... this is about being disrespectful and arrogant to someone who is freely giving their time to try to help you.

You dont seem to get it... this isnt about arguing with an expert or right or wrong... this is about being disrespectful and arrogant to someone who is freely giving their time to try to help you.
I already said sorry to him I was wrong about it!I seen that he told me the right thing from the start!

No, Cadillac, has been trying to help you, but you have not been helping him to do so.

What you posted is not some official, legally proscribed document. That's what he has been trying to get through to you. Generally, a visitation schedule is not that specific, though sometimes it can be. Since you CHOSE to move 3.5 hours away a daily schedule is impractical. And since the child is so young, overnights may also be impractical at this time.

So you may need to set a schedule where you see her for a few hours once a week. As she gets older you can go for alternate weeks until she start school, then you can go for alternate weekends. You can build these things into the court order.

The second part of your question is that you need to have a court order custody, support and visitation. The court apparently told you to try and work something out that you both can agree to. It seems that you were unable to do so so you now need to go to court for a hearing where you will each present your case as to custody and visitation. The judge will then rule according to what the court feels is the best interests of the child.

I would advise you to get an attorney to help you prepare the petitions and motions to submit to the court. Especially if the mother has an attorney to represent her.
So you are saying that overnights won't happen till she is like 6 years

So you are saying that overnights won't happen till she is like 6 years

No - overnights usually won't occur for the first year or so of the child's life if the mother is breastfeeding. Also, depending on the age of the child when visits start, visitation might work on a sliding effect. I.E 2 hours, twice a week for the first 3 months, 4 hours twice a week for the next 3, 1 night and 3 hours for the following...

That's just to give you an idea of what CAN happen. This all gets sussed out in mediation.

No - overnights usually wont occur for the first year or so of the child's life if the mother is breastfeeding. Also, depending on the age of the child when visits start, visitation might work on a sliding effect. I.E 2 hours, twice a week for the first 3 months, 4 hours twice a week for the next 3, 1 night and 3 hours for the following...

Thats just to give you an idea of what CAN happen. This all gets sussed out in mediation.
Thanks man!! Im cool with that but will I get to tell how bad I think it is we we are together
When me and her are around the kids we I'm in mediation

Thanks man!!!Im cool with that but will I get to tell how bad I think it is we we are together
When me and her are around the kids we im in mediation

Im not sure I understand your question.

Im not sure I understand your question.

Will it's hard to go over to her house to see our baby when I'm there!I don't think it's healthy because she still not ready to come to terms with this being are baby so can I tell this stuff when I'm in there.

Im not sure I understand your question.I just want to say what I think is the problem in mediation

Will it's hard to go over to her house to see our baby when im there!I don't think it's healthy because she still not ready to come to terms with this being are baby so can I tell this stuff when im in there.

Once visitation is ordered, her feelings on the matter become largely immaterial. If she has a problem with you doing your visits at her place, it is up to you to arrange suitable locations to take the child to during your visitation times.

As an aside, check out McDonalds playground on Wednesday nights. You will see a disproportionately large number of men without wedding rings there with their kids (Wednesday being the most common weeknight for visits).

You are about to enter into a fraternity of men who know exactly what you are going through.

I just want to say what I think is the problem in mediation

Mediation is when you meet with a facilitator to help you and your ex make an agreement together and both agree to the terms. They will help be a neutral, un-biased third party. Have you done mediation?

What you described was a supervised visitation with the mother as a 'supervisor' and that is rarely pleasant.

Mediation is when you meet with a facilitator to help you and your ex make an agreement together and both agree to the terms. They will help be a neutral, un-biased third party. Have you done mediation?

What you described was a supervised visitation with the mother as a 'supervisor' and that is rarely pleasant. No Well I have no records so I do not see why I would need that for supervisor visitation.And sorry if I said anyting bad to you

No Well I have no records so I do not see why I would need that for supervisor visitation.And sorry if I said anyting bad to you

Which is exactly what you bring up in mediation. That is a reasonable argument and one that is used all the time.

One parent will frequently request/demand supervised visitation with no other grounds than "I am not comfortable with him taking my baby"

The usual response to that: "Sorry ma'am, its his baby too"

Which is exactly what you bring up in mediation. That is a reasonable argument and one that is used all the time.

One parent will frequently request/demand supervised visitation with no other grounds than "I am not comfortable with him taking my baby"

The usual response to that: "Sorry ma'am, its his baby too"
Ok that help me out a lot!But I do think she has a right to know where our baby is going to be,So I was trying to get her and my baby to come over my house to stay so she could see what my places looks like.She would agree then back out when I told her this is only till I can get her without her

Mediation is when you meet with a facilitator to help you and your ex make an agreement together and both agree to the terms. They will help be a neutral, un-biased third party. Have you done mediation?

What you described was a supervised visitation with the mother as a 'supervisor' and that is rarely pleasant.

Im doing that now because that's the only why right now and yes it very unpleasant

OK, I was busy most of the day, so I just got back to this thread. I'm going to repeat some of what Steve told but its make you understand how things work here.

First, no one likes to be wrong! But most of the regulars here are concerned more with the asker getting the right answer then with their being right or wrong. That's why many of us will ask for more info before giving advice. That's what Cadillac was doing. You talked about this schedule as if it was some state mandated document and so he was trying to find out what this document was. But instead of answering him you kept coming back with one line responses that didn't answer his question.

As Steve pointed out we VOLUNTEER our time here. If we ask for more info and the OP (original poster) doesn't supply that info, then it gets frustrating. What makes it further frustrating is when the OP starts showing an attitude about this. I was able to take a stab at what you were saying only AFTER you had posted several notes, many of them barely understandable. Instead of throwing back, quick, 1-line responses, try taking your time to marshal your thoughts, proofread your response and answer the questions asked.

Now, as we have told you, it is unlikely you will get overnights until the child has stopped breastfeeding. But you can build that into the visitation schedule. Like I suggested, you have different scheduled for different stages of your daughter's development. But this can all be entered into the court order.

Right now, as I understand it, there is no court order and you don't seem to be able to reach an agreement on your own or even with mediation. So it comes down to presenting your cases before a judge who will then hand down a ruling. If you want to get anywhere near what you want, you need to prepare your motions carefully and that's where an attorney comes in. If you present a document to a judge that is as poorly constructed as many of your responses here, you are not likely to get much.

OK, I was busy most of the day, so I just got back to this thread. I'm going to repeat some of what Steve told but its make you understand how things work here.

First, no one likes to be wrong! But most of the regulars here are concerned more with the asker getting the right answer then with their being right or wrong. That's why many of us will ask for more info before giving advice. That's what Cadillac was doing. You talked about this schedule as if it was some state mandated document and so he was trying to find out what this document was. But instead of answering him you kept coming back with one line responses that didn't answer his question.

As Steve pointed out we VOLUNTEER our time here. If we ask for more info and the OP (original poster) doesn't supply that info, then it gets frustrating. What makes it further frustrating is when the OP starts showing an attitude about this. I was able to take a stab at what you were saying only AFTER you had posted several notes, many of them barely understandable. Instead of throwing back, quick, 1-line responses, try taking your time to marshal your thoughts, proofread your response and answer the questions asked.

Now, as we have told you, it is unlikely you will get overnights until the child has stopped breastfeeding. But you can build that into the visitation schedule. Like I suggested, you have different scheduled for different stages of your daughter's development. But this can all be entered into the court order.

Right now, as I understand it, there is no court order and you don't seem to be able to reach an agreement on your own or even with mediation. So it comes down to presenting your cases before a judge who will then hand down a ruling. If you want to get anywhere near what you want, you need to prepare your motions carefully and that's where an attorney comes in. If you present a document to a judge that is as poorly constructed as many of your responses here, you are not likely to get much.
Yes thank you ScottGem I think everybody help me out I most likely will be sent to mediation because I have not done that yet.To respond what you said I already said I was wrong for the way that I acted with cadillac59 and got nothing back.But don't say getting help for free and we do this for free.I go to other site and no one acts like that.And yes the say the same thing they can't understand what I'm saying but they come off like they really want to help you and get right to it and ask is this what you mean.But why don't you guy take what I'm saying and think about it before you guy come back and say all the time we were right you guys are wrong!I was a man about what I said and said I was wrong but if you guys can't say will we could have done it this way but we were are concerned more with the asker getting the right answer and if we did something to get you mad sorry we just did not understand what you were saying.

But why don't you guy take what im saying and think about it before you guy come back and say all the time we was right you guys are wrong!I was a man about what I said and said I was wrong but if you guys can't say will we could have done it this way but we were are concerned more with the asker getting the right answer and if we did something to get you mad sorry we just did not understand what you were saying.

No one said anyone was right or wrong. Also I don't know what other site you posted on, but different people have different styles. The written word only conveys a small portion of communications. I don't know why you feel that Cadillac was not being helpful. I think he was.

But that's really no longer an issue. You have your answers lets leave it at that.

No one said anyone was right or wrong. Also I don't know what other site you posted on, but different people have different styles. The written word only conveys a small portion of communications. I don't know why you feel that Cadillac was not being helpful. I think he was.

But that's really no longer an issue. You have your answers lets leave it at that.

See you are not getting what I'm saying!I said that I said sorry and I was wrong for how I did come at him Cadillac !I told him sorry and I was hoping he would respond to my sorry that I said to him but he did not.But you see how you say different people have different styles?Yes people all do but if you can't see how I got mad I was feeling he was trying to be a smart guy but he was not.So I can clearly see that I was wrong and I think if you can as a man say were you are wrong at then you will never get better.So I say and will tell him one more time I'm sorry for how and the way I talk to Cadillac .He was trying to help me and I was the one being a smart guy.But you have to understand that I mistook the way he was saying it and if you guys can't say well sorry if you took it that way you was just frustrating with your with one line responses.So you we both can understand and we both win.But if you guys keep coming back and seeing stuff like people have different styles then we will never understand each other.And I'm not trying to upsets you!

No, YOU are not getting what I'm saying. I fully understand what you are saying. I realize you apologized and I applaud you for it. I'm talking about using this site in the future. I'm trying to help you understand that you should assume that anyone responding to your posts is trying to help and try to work with and be specific about answering any questions they have.

As to Cadillac, he may have unsubscribed to this thread so he hasn't even seen it since his last post. The fact that he hasn't responded to your apology should not be held against him.

Now please drop it.

No, YOU are not getting what I'm saying. I fully understand what you are saying. I realize you apologized and I applaud you for it. I'm talking about using this site in the future. I'm trying to help you understand that you should assume that anyone responding to your posts is trying to help and try to work with and be specific about answering any questions they have.

As to Cadillac, he may have unsubscribed to this thread so he hasn't even seen it since his last post. The fact that he hasn't responded to your apology should not be held against him.

Now please drop it.
Should have know you were coming back with the last word you guys got to have that thank you for everything!

No, YOU are not getting what I'm saying. I fully understand what you are saying. I realize you apologized and I applaud you for it. I'm talking about using this site in the future. I'm trying to help you understand that you should assume that anyone responding to your posts is trying to help and try to work with and be specific about answering any questions they have.

As to Cadillac, he may have unsubscribed to this thread so he hasn't even seen it since his last post. The fact that he hasn't responded to your apology should not be held against him.

Now please drop it.

One more thing why did you have to respond and then want to drop it

Seems to me you are the one who keeps wanting to get the last word in. I want to drop it beause the issue has been exhausted. I don't want to rehash things.